Soleil
29
Single
Lieutenant of the Tresterian Army : Cavalry
Tier 2 Character
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Post by Nathaniel Starke on Oct 19, 2020 0:14:46 GMT -5
Nathaniel stared right back into Alice’s eyes as they stood there in the quiet, dimly lit room. The flames in the fireplace were slowly dying down, but not enough to completely shroud the room in darkness. The sun had gone down at some point between the current moment and the time they entered the room, though Nathaniel had hardly paid any attention to that. There were several candle sconces on the walls, but that would only brighten the room enough to at least be able to make out the features of Alice’s face as he stared at her. Despite her smile, he noticed the twinge of sadness in her eyes and he wondered what she was thinking at that very moment. Was his response a poor one? Was it enough? Did she want something more for an answer? Her still being there in front of him might have meant a lot more to him than it could have meant to her, and he wasn’t quite sure how to explain the gravity of the words that had left his lips. Anyone else would have walked away by now. They would not have come to see him after Audra’s visit to warn them about him. He wouldn’t be seen as worth the risk. But here Alice still stood- trusting his word, her own opinion of him, over anything Audra had tried to warn her about. She didn’t walk away, she did come to see him despite what she had heard about him. Alice was willing to take the risk on him. Nathaniel wished he could find the words to tell her how much all of it meant to him and how it made his heart swell in his desire for her.
“I’ll always be here.” He smiled at her words. Somehow, he believed them- only because they were coming from her. There was something about Alice that made him feel she did not just say things to say them to make him feel better. The doubtful part of his mind- the self-sabotaging part of him, told him not to believe that, but the other part, his gut, told him Alice would not still be here if she hadn’t meant everything she said. Perhaps that was what made her so different and special from anyone else. Strangely, he didn’t think he would have allowed anyone else to get as close as he was letting Alice now, and he wasn’t sure he understood why except that he felt something with her. “Well, that’s good…” He whispered back, a slight uneasy smirk slowly formed on his lips, “because I don’t really want you to leave.”
He felt her hands come to rest on his chest and he wondered if she could feel how hard his heart pounded within it. He knew for certain she would be able to feel the rise and fall of his chest with each deep and hard breath he took. Despite her cautious touch, he still felt his muscles tense up, if only slightly. It was difficult for him to get used to someone touching him in a good way, especially when it did not happen often. But the more he focused on her eyes as they stared at one another, the more he started to forget his anxieties and he relaxed those muscles beneath her hands.
Nathaniel kept his gaze on her, even as she closed her eyes. He noticed her shudder against him as he moved his hand up her back, and he couldn’t help but smile, knowing that he had caused the reaction. When she reopened her eyes and looked back into his, he noticed that look of desire she held in them. It caused a flood of warmth to spread through his entire body and soon took his breath away, making him dizzy and unsteady.
He didn’t know why, but despite their words to one another, despite that look that resided within Alice’s eyes, despite the thick tension in the air that lingered around them, he feared that she would push him away as he started to kiss her. Maybe he wanted her to. So that his self-sabotage would win in this battle that raged through him. Yet, he so desperately wanted to feel her lips press deeply against his own. And they did- with just as much desperation, desire, and hunger that he had for her too. It scared him but also made him want more with a fervent and urgent need he never knew or felt before.
She breathed against his lips just after the growled moan escaped him, her own moan filling his ears, causing his own lustfulness to stir inside of him. He felt her press her body against his, and so he wrapped his arm tighter around her waist, pulling her up onto her tiptoes as he held her, gathering her against him, only wishing he could pull her even closer. His other hand remained behind her neck, his fingertips continued to weave into her hair, pressing firmly but gently into her scalp. And then Alice knotted her fist into his shirt. He let out a desperate and staggered breath from his nose as she pulled away and spoke against his lips, urging him not to let go of her. He squeezed her against his body again and instantly pressed his lips back to hers, as if they should have never parted in the first place. He didn’t intend to let go of her. Not now, not yet. She made him forget everything he wanted to forget, and that felt so strange and new to him. He was slowly melting into her, his legs growing weaker the longer their kiss went on.
Without any warning or thought, his arm tightened around her waist and he lifted her completely off the floor as if she weighed nothing. He held her against him, carrying her to the couch, not breaking from their kiss until he carefully set her down. Nathaniel wasn’t quite certain what was going through his mind at that moment, or how he somehow felt like he didn’t exist inside his own body. He sat next to her, twisting his body so that he faced her. His arms carefully moved around her, pulling her back to him as he leaned closer to her. Despite how badly he wished to claim her lips again, he instead moved his face into the side of her neck, inhaling her scent as he breathed against her skin, kissing it softly until he reached her ear. His voice was a low raspy and breathless whisper, “I won’t until you tell me to.” Or until reality hit him, allowing that panic to take over him. He so badly wanted to just stay in this moment- to not let his past and his fears take control of him.
Nathaniel brushed the tip of his nose against her earlobe, then he kissed her cheek and pulled away from her just enough to look back at her face, admiring her for the briefest moment until he leaned in and covered her mouth with his own again, instantly reclaiming that same desire that existed in their kiss before he had moved her. His breath was heavily escaping from his nose, desperate for air, and he felt as if his heart would explode in his chest. But he didn’t care- none of that mattered right now. He wanted her. More of her. He didn’t want this to end.
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Lux
22
Recently Divorced
Lady in waiting/Spy
Tier 2 Character
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Post by Alice Calder on Oct 20, 2020 22:29:09 GMT -5
Alice didn’t even notice the darkness that enveloped them. The dimming flicker of the dying fire was the only thing that broke nightfall’s grasp on the room. The sun had been setting when Alice departed the palace. Had she really been gone that long already or was the night still young? It was hard to tell and she didn’t seem concerned about it anyhow. Nothing on the outside made its way to the forefront of her mind. She was distracted - lost even - in Nate’s soft brown eyes and nothing else mattered but that fact.
There was so much she wanted to say to him, so many thoughts that lingered on the back of her tongue. But how was she supposed to articulate anything when he was constantly taking her breath away and making it impossible to think straight? She wondered if he knew the effect he had on her. She was nearly overwhelmed with it all - the newness of these feelings. She’d never felt something so intense. Each emotion was perfectly clear, but also so confusing and inexplicable. It was exhilarating and terrifying all at once.
“Well, that’s good.. because I don’t really want you to leave.” The words broke her train of thought and she returned his smile, although hers did not come with unease like his did. It was a genuine expression as she tilted her head at him with gentle eyes. “Good. I may not have given you a choice in the matter.” She half-joked with a teasing expression. She’d annoy the absolute hell out of him before she gave up. Why she was so adamant about all of this - about him - she couldn’t quite say. All she really knew for sure was that no matter what happened, she’d been pulled too deep to give up without a damn good fight. But, since he admitted that he didn’t really want her to leave, it brought her some comfort, relieving a part of the anxiety that plagued her.
She couldn’t tell if she was feeling his heartbeat beneath her hands, or if it was her own heart pounding so hard that it could be felt in her palms. What she could feel was the way he tensed his muscles, slowly relaxing beneath her touch. That was the reaction she’d expected and it was the main reason she’d been cautious to rest her hands against his chest. Twice already, he’d pulled her hands away when she’d rested them against his torso, but this time, he didn’t and it sent a wave of a feeling though her body that she couldn’t explain. She felt as if they’d finally taken even a small step forward and it did more than give her a strange sense of accomplishment; it made her realize just how much the smallest gift of patience and understanding could change a situation entirely. While that was something she’d already known, it was only solidified in that moment with Nathaniel.
At her soft moan, the arm around her waist wrapped tighter and a soft sigh escaped her as she was pulled onto her tiptoes. She was still careful, following his lead so as to not push him - or herself - too far. Even so, she desperately wanted so much more than she was sure either of them were willing to offer right now. Suppressing those desires the best she could, it was difficult to maintain her composure as the staggered breath left him. Even more so when he was pulling her right back into their hungry kiss after her soft words. But then his arm was even tighter around her and she wrapped her own arms around his neck as he lifted her so that her feet no longer touched the floor. The motion seemed to require no real effort on his part and while it shouldn’t have been, his strength was surprising. A quiet sound almost reminiscent of a squeak escaped her throat as it caught her off guard. Still, their kiss was never broken. Had he not had an arm around her through all of this, her knees might have already buckled.
She’d resisted the urge to wrap her legs around his waist, knowing that once it went that far, she might lose all her self control. Which is perhaps why it came as a relief when he carried her no further than the couch. She hadn’t really known what to think at that moment about him lifting her, but with her mind desperately focused on him and their passionate kisses, it didn’t really matter what she’d thought. It was soon lost as he carefully set her down, taking his place next to her and turning his body as strong arms snaked around her small frame. She was smiling at him, a soft smile that made her brown eyes shine bright as he leaned towards her. Anticipating his kiss again, she was taken aback as he moved closed to her neck instead, his breath against her lightly tanned skin sending wave after wave of chills down her body, causing her to shudder. Then his lips were pressing oh, so softly against her neck and she inhaled sharply, the exhale almost just as sharp. She nearly moaned again against the sensation as she tilted her head slightly, brown eyes closing as she relished in the feeling of her entire body abuzz with electricity.
When his lips found their way to her ear, those words being muttered in that incredibly sexy, husky voice of his, a whimper escaped her, the sound sinfully lustful. “I will never tell you to..” The words were whispered without thinking. “Because I do not want to let you go either.” She told him, the truth clear in her near-desperate tone. Hands moved to his shoulders, one remaining in place as the other curled around the back of his head, tangling into his short, dark hair, though she dared not pull him closer against her for fear of what might happen next if she did. She felt his nose graze her ear lobe before a kiss was placed against her cheek and he was pulling away to look at her. Despite the twinge of disappointment she felt now that he wasn’t quite so close, now that his lips were no longer trailing softly down her neck, her gaze was still heavily filled with lust and desire.
She leaned in tandem with him, allowing their lips to crash together as if they’d been waiting for this moment for far longer than they really had. Her breathing matched his; heavy as it escaped her nose. Alice did moan then - against his lips as their kiss deepened and she felt her self-control slip away inch by inch and she let it. She wanted all of him and she knew that she was fully prepared to give him every single part of her without question or a second thought. Perhaps in these moments there was nothing she wouldn’t give him, even if she’d like to believe that she was a bit more modest. He seemed to crush that modesty and for once, Alice didn’t mind. She wanted this more than anything else and that was all she could think about - all she could feel.
With a small hand trailing down his neck, the hand as his shoulder moved so that her arm was wrapped around him, pulling him closer then despite her reservations. She turned her body more, curling her legs underneath herself so she could lift her torso towards him slightly. Pressing her chest against his as a barrage of breathless kisses caused her to tingle from head-to-toe, her mind begged her to stop before she did something she’d regret. But her body wouldn’t allow her. Her body wanted this, perhaps even more than her heart did. She was so overwhelmed that she felt herself shake against the ever-rising tension. Could he feel it too? Was it as consuming for him as it was for her?
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Soleil
29
Single
Lieutenant of the Tresterian Army : Cavalry
Tier 2 Character
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Post by Nathaniel Starke on Oct 21, 2020 18:50:52 GMT -5
He had told her that he didn’t want her to leave. The words had sounded so strange to him as they left his lips. These were not the type of words he typically spoke to any woman- He never admitted to wanting someone to stay rather than leave him. He pushed- he was supposed to be pushing Alice away, not dragging her in- Not making her want to stay. What was he even doing? This was getting too messy, too deep. Why couldn’t he just stop this? Just tell Alice that he couldn’t do this- he didn’t really want it, he was just being nice even though he wasn’t a nice person, he had just been lying to her about who he really is, and that he was just playing with her emotions because he was a cruel and cold-hearted man. There was still time to stop this, wasn’t there?
“Good. I may not have given you a choice in the matter.” Her words broke him out of his thoughts. Was it too late, then? Despite her joking, teasing nature, he looked back at her with that intense serious gaze filled with uncertainty, unease, and nervousness. Nathaniel had already told Alice that he would do all he could to push her away. She had told him that she wouldn’t leave unless he meant it-- and he knew he could be convincing enough. Would she really be able to handle him speaking cold and emotionless words to her? Would she still fight him on it? Part of him didn’t want to stop or put an end to it, though. He wanted this. He needed it so badly in his life. He needed to feel like someone cared for him, to feel like he mattered and that he was wanted. He liked this. He liked Alice and how she made him feel, how she looked at him, how her hands felt on him. Maybe that’s why he wasn’t running, and why he wasn’t pushing her away- because he wanted, needed, and liked all of it.
Nathaniel forced a smile and tilted his head as he regarded her, “Oh no? You wouldn’t give me a choice, hm?” Despite his uneasy smile, there was a glimmer of lightness in his eyes and the tone of his voice playful and teasing. Why did he feel like he didn’t want Alice to give him a choice but to keep her in his life? Oh, right-- because he had feelings for her and he didn’t trust himself with keeping her there.
That whimpered sound that escaped her and the whispered, desperate words she spoke shortly after, was enough to tip him over that imaginary ledge that they were teetering on. At first, when Alice had told him not to let go, he had taken it as her not wanting him to stop holding her. He had responded that he wouldn’t let her go until she wanted him to. Until she had enough of him. But now, Alice’s words were making him wonder if she had really meant it in a more figurative sense than a literal one. Though, did it really matter? The words perhaps had a double meaning and applied in both senses. At least to him, they did. Whatever they meant- there was no misunderstanding the lust and desire he saw within her eyes. Did she know what she was doing to him? How difficult she was making this for him?
He had the chance to stop it right then and there as he looked into her eyes in that small moment of the calm before their storm proceeded, and maybe he should have. But that gaze drew him back to her, making him desperate and craving more.
Alice moaned against his lips as their kiss deepened and it sent him into a maddening spiral of thoughts, feelings, and emotions. He could feel her hands on him as one trailed down his neck and the other moved around him to pull him into her. Again, his body stiffened beneath her touch for a moment, but he focused on the sound of her breathing and the gentleness of her touch, and it was enough to urge himself to relax under her hands. She was shifting then, pressing her body against his, and instinctively, he tightened his arms around her waist and drew her against him, holding her there as they continued their kiss that seemingly neither of them wanted to end.
One of his hands remained firmly pressed against the small of her back, his other moved up her spine and finally rested on her shoulder. It would be easy for him to pull her into his lap then, but he fought back that urge, knowing very well that would mean the end for him. Even though he also knew that the longer this went on, the closer he would feel reality trying to step its way back into his mind and allow that panic to set in.
He wondered what it would be like to just allow himself the freedom from his past and his fears. If he could just become completely lost in Alice and let go of everything. To be able to enjoy the way she reeled him in without even trying, how his entire body felt like it was ignited in flames with the fervent desire and carnal needs he internally fought so hard against now. She was doing things to him that he wasn’t used to- that he never allowed to get this far, and it frightened him the more he felt, the longer he allowed it to go on, and the more he tried to fight it.
Nathaniel felt Alice trembling against him. A small part of him wondered if she was panicking from this- if it was stirring up her past too if she was too afraid to pull away from him. But she wasn’t tense, she wasn’t fighting him- in fact, it felt as if she were allowing herself to melt into him as if this were the most natural and right thing to do. But they hardly knew one another. Yet, strangely, it felt like that didn’t matter at all.
Alice made him feel alive, like every part of him was waking up and begging for more. He wanted it. He wanted her so badly. But they weren’t alone- Robert could very easily walk into the room at any moment, to check on them. Or he could even just walk by on his way to the kitchen. He did not want this moment to accidentally be on display. So maybe they should move this to his bedroom.
He wrapped his arms around her tighter, pulling her in slightly closer to him as if he were about to pull her into his lap. But he hesitated and then refrained against it. The hand on her back slowly moved to pull at her shirt, untucking it from her pants before he slid his hand up it to rest back where it had been. He wanted to feel her soft skin against his rough calloused hand. Perhaps it was a bold move, but he felt he needed to test the waters. What if she did not want this, though? Would it be too forward of him to assume she did? He felt like Alice was into this and she wasn’t stopping or pulling away from him but was he reading the signals all wrong? Then again, she told him she would not tell him to let go of her. He reluctantly pulled his lips from her and slowly kissed down her jaw and back to her neck. His breath was heavy against her skin as he desperately tried to steady himself. His mind continued to race with thoughts. How could he even ask her to move to his bedroom without sounding like an eager fool?
He focused on kissing her neck, slowly teasing her. His fingertips on her back delicately brushed along her skin, daring to give her chills and goosebumps. Maybe she would stop him now. This was going too far. No, he should stop this. The smoothness of her skin reminded him of his own marred, flawed skin ridden with scars and old burn marks. He couldn’t allow Alice to see him without a shirt on. And while others might have believed his excuse of ‘they are battle and training wound scars’, he imagined Alice would be too smart to believe him. Nathaniel pulled his lips away from her skin for a moment of hesitation, barely enough to be noticed, though. Another reason to move to his bedroom- if it was dark enough, maybe she wouldn’t see the scars. And although she might be able to feel how they contrasted and raised against the rest of his skin, maybe she would believe his excuse without being able to see.
He kissed back up her neck until he reached her ear and he whispered breathlessly, his tone filled with heavy desire, “you’re beautiful...” He murmured before he continued to kiss along her neck, moving down to her collarbone. He wanted to tell her how badly he wanted her, yet how scared he was. He had never been intimate with another woman before- it never made it that far because of his fears.
Then, without any control, Audra came to mind, haunting his thoughts. He thought about how she had told Alice that he wasn’t intimate with her. That he hadn't done anything past kissing and holding her hand- that he pushed her off of him when she tried to force him to be intimate with her. She told Alice that something was wrong with him. Were her assumptions that things didn’t work for him physically? Well, perhaps Alice would understand now that that wasn’t the issue. Audra wouldn’t have known what exactly was wrong with him- he had never told her or hinted at anything. She could have been making her assumptions simply based on the fact that he wasn’t interested in her and that he should have been? It was easy to just hug and kiss when there was never any heat or passion behind it. It was easy for it to only be that, to not worry about his fears when there was nothing there to push him to that edge. The others had given up on him for being too reserved and closed off--for lacking emotion and affection. Audra couldn’t accept it. Would Alice worry he would treat her the same way now that she knew? He hoped not- not when he felt everything for her. He felt this stronger, more intense, and emotional connection with Alice. He wanted her, and that was the difference. She filled the emptiness he often felt in his past relationships. It was more than just going through the motions, exchanging pleasantries, and feeling trapped in something that never felt right. Even knowing Alice for such a short time, he already felt something real with her. Or was it just that Alice was testing the waters- trying to find out if Audra was right or not?
The thought made him pull away just enough to look at her, to find her eyes and gaze into them, searching for answers, to try and see through her and he wished, at that moment, that he could read her mind. He wanted her to tell him to stop, that they needed to stop before things went any further. He didn’t want Alice to feel like Audra had been correct- that he was broken and unable to be intimate. It would be easier if she stopped this, then it could not be pinned against him. His chest heaved as he tried to steady his breathing, to try and let his heart calm down. His gaze was filled with that desire and longing as he looked at her, maybe proving to her that he wouldn’t push her away like he had Audra- that he didn’t want to. He spoke again, his voice a low and breathless rumble in his chest, “It’s getting more difficult to take things slowly…”
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Lux
22
Recently Divorced
Lady in waiting/Spy
Tier 2 Character
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Post by Alice Calder on Oct 21, 2020 22:40:07 GMT -5
Truthfully, this wasn’t like her in any way, shape, or form. She had always been something of a prude and she certainly never let things escalate to this degree with someone that was still practically a stranger. She could rationalize with herself, say it felt like she’d known him for years, if not her entire life. But she knew better. So, why didn’t she seem to care about any of that?
The words that passed his lips with an uneasy smile, despite his tone and the twinkle in his eyes, caused her to lift a brow at him, shaking her head as her answer. Hadn’t she already told him that she didn’t give up easily? Surely he could see how stubborn she was. After all, here she was despite Audra’s warning, despite Nate telling her flat out that he’d try to push her away. She’d keep her chin lifted in utmost defiance if she had to. The thing about it all was, she was in too deep now and there was no turning back. If she could put up with the things that Darion put her though, anything Nate did would be a cake walk.
When he tightened his arms around her, she smiled against his lips. As one of his hands made its way up her spine again, she again shuddered against the sensation. His touch always seemed to send a feeling of fire and ice down her body in tandem. It was a feeling similar to hot flashes, except.. pleasant as it traveled down her body too quickly for her to truly process. Entirely caught up in whatever this was, she knew it was far too late. Every ledge she’d backed herself onto chipped away from beneath her resolve and.. She jumped.
As he pulled her closer against his toned body, she assumed he was about to pull her into his lap, so instinctively, she allowed her body to move freely with his guiding hands, but he hesitated. Slowing their kiss, she wondered if he was about to try pushing her away again or if he was being cautious about pushing her too far in this moment. Perhaps both? She wasn’t entirely sure, but what she was sure of was the way her entire body tensed and relaxed with a sigh against his lips as the back of her shirt was lifted, his hand coming to rest against her bare skin. Without thinking, she bit at his bottom lip gently and briefly before he was breaking their kiss, his lips trailing down her jaw and neck. Lips parted as she gasped against the feeling of sparks coursing through her body.
Her mind was no longer racing. Instead, it had gone silent, focused on nothing more than the slow kisses that Nathaniel placed gently against her skin. Nothing else mattered. Nothing else made sense. It almost came as a relief that his breathing was as labored as hers. Almost. Perhaps the only reason it wasn’t a relief was that Alice felt herself wanting to believe that he was, in fact, just as consumed in all this as she was; that he wanted the same thing she wanted right now. Fingertips running along the bare skin of her back caused her to tremble anxiously against his body. She desperately wanted to pull him closer to her, but there was perhaps physically no closer it could get than this. Well.. there was one way..
His lips moved back up her neck, stopping at her ear as he complimented her. She smiled despite pulling her bottom lip in to bite it gently. She’d wanted to say something in response, but anything that may have crossed her mind was lost to her overwhelming desire for him as his kiss returned to her neck, then her collar bone.
That was when she truly lost her self-control. With hesitance, she’d slowly moved her body so that she did what he couldn’t seem to bring himself to do; she pulled herself into his lap, legs on either side of him as a hand curled into his hair as his lips gently graced her collarbone. If she hadn’t been so lost in the heat of the moment, she might have chuckled to herself. While Alice hadn’t believed her words in the first place, she still felt a strange sense of satisfaction that Audra had been all kinds of wrong. Another soft moan escaped her, the sound masking that she’d nearly moaned his name instead. She wondered if he could tell how much her body practically begged for him..
But then he was pulling away from her, his eyes seemingly searching hers. She swallowed slowly, blinking against the fear and anxiety that hit her like a brick wall. She shouldn’t have moved to his lap, she should have stopped this much earlier. Hands rested on his shoulders as she looked back at him, not wanting to assume the reason he’d ended their kiss was because she’d done something wrong or because she’d pushed him too far. Even so, the self-sabotaging doubt had already begun to gnaw at the back of her mind. But as he looked up at her and spoke, she allowed a cocky smirk to pull up her lips.
“I had a feeling it would never be easy to take things slow with you..” She agreed, her tone seductive as she leaned forward, pressing only two soft kisses against his neck, allowing her slow, shallow breaths to hit his skin before her lips found his ear. “I mean, have you seen you?” The words were whispered, heavy with lust as they left her. She pulled back to look at him, both hands going to either side of his face as her brown eyes searched his face for any reaction. “Besides, feeling your lips against my neck and collarbone-” Her eyes closed, head tilting back slightly as she burned the feeling into her memory; shuddering at the mere thought. “It almost has my imagination running wild..” She admitted in a breathless whisper, her eyes falling to his lips as her lips parted with a mischievous smile. A thumb moved to his mouth, grazing across his bottom lip gently before it was falling down to his chin. Her forefinger moved underneath his chin as if she were trying to keep his gaze on her. Yet, her own gaze still hadn’t left his lips. “I’ve never felt so desperate to feel anyone else’s kiss travel down my body like I do with yours.. I can’t help but want everything..” She sighed her desire into the words as they trailed off, her eyes finally meeting his as if gauging his reaction.
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Soleil
29
Single
Lieutenant of the Tresterian Army : Cavalry
Tier 2 Character
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Post by Nathaniel Starke on Oct 22, 2020 0:39:18 GMT -5
Just as Nathaniel had started to try and test the waters with Alice, she was doing the same with him. She was testing his resolve far more than he could have imagined anyone would, and he did not understand why he was allowing her to push him to his limits, why he was letting her get so close to his fear and anxieties. Each time something began to creep into his mind, Alice had a way of drawing him away from the darkness and back to her. How did she manage to do that?When he felt Alice tense up underneath his hand against her skin, he paused, hesitating from moving any further until he felt her relax and sigh into his lips, lightly biting his bottom lip as if urging him on. A quiet groan rumbled in his chest as he pulled away from their kiss to move to her neck. He could tell by her gasp, by the way she trembled against him, that he was drawing her into him rather than repulsing her or making her fear him. It was enough to push him over the edge, making it difficult to pull away from her. If Alice could brave these feelings after dealing with the abuse she had- could he withstand and fight through his own fears too? Then Alice was moving into his lap. He inhaled a sharp and staggering breath, releasing it slowly into the curve between her shoulder and neck. He was pinned underneath her and the panic slowly began to rise within him. He pulled away then to look at her, trying his best to hide the fear from her, replacing it with the desire and longing he felt for her instead. Looking into her eyes reminded him to stay in the present with her. He would be alright, everything was fine. No, this wasn’t the slowness they had agreed on. His brows lowered curiously as that cocky smirk appeared on Alice’s lips. “I had a feeling it would never be easy to take things slow with you...” Nathaniel smirked slightly, still trying to hide the panic he was feeling. Her response was not what he was expecting or even hoping for. But maybe he was hoping for it, too- he didn’t know exactly. Brown eyes watched Alice as she leaned forward and pressed her lips to his neck. His whole body tensed up underneath her, his chest tightening from the panic, causing him to hold his breath. When she had moved onto her lap, he had removed his hands from her, uncertain of what to do with them. But now, his hands were moving to her waist, squeezing gently as if preparing himself to move her off of him if he needed to. She was whispering into his ear then, words that made him go rigid. “I mean, have you seen you?” His jaw tightened and he felt a wave of anger wash over him. Audra was constantly gushing over how he looked, making it seem that his looks were all he was good for- that it was all she was interested in. He was almost certain Audra had said something similar as she forced him down onto his back and climbed on top of him. 'Have you seen yourself, Natey--you're far too good looking to deny yourself to me!' She had scoffed at him, confused as to why her supposed boyfriend hardly seemed interested in being intimate with her. How dare he deny her, she was perfect and desirable! 'Is there something wrong with you? I can fix that, you know...' And then she had forcibly touched him, no grabbed him through his pants, giggling annoyingly as she often did when she thought she was being cute or funny. He told her no, pulling her hand away from him, but she ripped it back out of his grasp and began to unbuckle his pants. He told her no again, grasping hold of her wrist tightly to stop her. 'Just stop it. Stop fighting it, Natey! I don't know why you are. Don't you want me? You know that you do. Say that you do. Does it even work? Are you really a man down there? Let me see more of you... I need to know if you're worth it.' Who did he think he was denying her? Audra began to lose her patience. She slapped him hard across his face with her free hand, then, again, tried to remove his pants. It was then that Nathaniel finally pushed her off of him and lost his temper. He couldn’t help but wonder if that’s all Alice was after, too. The anger slowly began to subside when he saw Alice’s eyes looking back at him and her hands were on his face, steadying him. His brows lowered over his eyes as he looked at her with a curious and almost put-off gaze. He shook his head briefly before he quietly spoke, “does that matter to you?” He hadn't thought so initially, but her words had struck a nerve and those memories crept back into his mind. Nathaniel was far from being vane. He just didn’t think highly of himself...at all. And although he had told Alice, just moments ago, that she was beautiful- it wasn't what drove him to wanting her- it was more than just that. He hoped that had been evident enough in the tone of his voice when he had said it to her. He hesitated for a moment, brown eyes watching her. Alice was admitting her imagination was running wild from his lips on her neck and collarbone. He swallowed hard and nervously, but looked at her curiously, his eyes never moving from hers, even when she looked down at his mouth. His lips parted slightly as she brushed her thumb against his bottom lip and then she raised his chin to urge his gaze to remain on her, despite her own being fixated on his mouth. “I’ve never felt so desperate to feel anyone else’s kiss travel down my body like I do with yours. I can’t help but want everything..” He drew in a staggered breath as she let her eyes meet his again, and he stared at her for perhaps a moment too long. “Everything?” He asked her nervously. Alice’s words spread through his mind, slow at first until it began to race along with his own imagination. She felt desperate for his lips on her. She wanted everything. But what did that mean? Was she openly admitting that she wanted to take this further than it had already gotten? That she wished to retire to his bedroom and spend the night with him? Or was she simply being figurative again, claiming that she wanted him in her life? He stared at her with a look of bewilderment, unsure of what to think and do at the moment. He finally released the breath he hadn’t realized he had been holding onto. His expressions perhaps made it obvious he was conflicted as his mind raced with a million thoughts. His hands slowly moved from her waist and down to her hips. He nearly urged her off of him, but he hesitated. He wondered if the right thing to do in this moment would be to pick her back up and carry her up the stairs to his room- to allow this to continue without another thought or hesitation. Was that what any normal man would do? Was that what Alice wanted? Instead, his own reservations held him back and he spoke quietly, his eyes never leaving hers. “Are you certain that's what you really want?" He searched her eyes, almost afraid of what her answer would be. Part of him desperately wanted her to say yes- but his fear wanted her to say no- to stop this. But why did that very thought make his heart sink? "Will this be something we both regret later when the moment ends? Would you stay? Or would you leave and not come back out of fear of whatever this is between us?” He kept his eyes on hers, showing her the vulnerability that resided within him now as his fears were slowly pulling him away from her. Why did he feel like he was about to ruin the moment, or just everything in general? He suddenly felt so afraid of being a disappointment to her. “Or maybe I will push you away and not ever find or see you again..” He lifted one of his hands from her hips and moved to take one of hers from his face. He kissed the palm of her hand, and then her wrist before he held her hand against his chest and inhaled another staggered, nervous breath. His eyes looked at her with an intense seriousness, nearly pleading with her to tell him that everything would be fine- that there was nothing for him to worry about. But would that even be the truth? He gently pulled her down closer to him and kissed just behind her ear before whispering to her. “Because I want everything, too… You’re driving me insane with how badly you're making me want you… But I’m terrified, Alice.” He wasn’t sure what he was more afraid of- going further than they already had, finding out what everything consisted of, or losing her after the moment ended. He didn’t bother to specify, because maybe it was all of the above.
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Lux
22
Recently Divorced
Lady in waiting/Spy
Tier 2 Character
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Post by Alice Calder on Oct 22, 2020 20:04:31 GMT -5
Hot and cold, on then off.. If it wasn’t her own mind pushing and pulling her all over the place, it was him. Had they really taken steps forward or was this all for show? Despite the groan that escaped him and the way he returned gentle lips to her neck, she felt two things at once. First, there was the lingering desire that stirred with a ferocity she’d never felt before. All too soon, however, it was followed by the second feeling; her own reservations. She was more than cautious with him, especially given the information she’d received - information that he’d confirmed. While it appeared that he was also being cautious with her something about it didn’t feel like it was her he was being cautious of.
With all these thoughts clouding her mind, she hardly felt the breath he released against her skin. What she did feel, however, was the way he tensed beneath her when she kissed his neck. When she’d returned to a straightened position, she’d made a point to pause. Until his hands found her waist, she hadn’t even realized he hadn’t been touching her. That was how intoxicating he was. It didn’t matter that his hands weren’t on her, it only mattered that he was here with her, at this moment, giving in to his desires, even if only a little.
It was the question that passed his lips, accompanied by the look on his face, that had her expression changing as she looked at him. Brows fell heavy over her eyes that nearly narrowed. It wasn’t the question itself, but more the way it was asked. It sounded pointed, almost as if he were making some sort of implication. She wasn’t entirely sure that was the case, though, so she remained silent for perhaps a moment longer than she should have.
Her lips pressed into a hard line and she dropped her gaze from his face, looking off to her right side as she sighed. Then, with her dark eyes returning to him, “Of course it does not matter.” She shook her head, the disbelief in her tone that she’d even had to answer such a question. Hadn’t she told him with honest words, shown him with her actions that he was more than a pretty face to her? Why would she come here to inform him of Audra’s visit, put him - and subsequently herself - through emotional hell if the thing that mattered to her was the way he looked? She nearly scoffed at the very notion. She let a hand fall from his face, poking a finger into his chest. “I care more about what’s in here-” Her hand sprawled over where his heart beat before that same hand moved to poke his forehead lightly. “-And up here.” She told him, the words lacking emotion. Returning her hand to his face, she offered a forced smile that didn’t touch her narrowed eyes. “You could be the most gorgeous man in this entire kingdom. But a hateful heart and a closed mind can turn even the prettiest face into one of the ugliest.” She had to resist the urge to hiss the words, though they still came out hardened.
There was a short silence before their conversation continued and he was repeating her last word, making a nervous question out of it as they looked at each other. “Everything.” She repeated the word simply with an affirmative nod. She wanted everything this moment seemed to be building up to, but more than that, she wanted him for everything he was. Had she not also made that clear? Maybe she hadn’t.. Was she really losing sight of how to be clear and concise when in his presence?
His inner conflict appeared to be on full display and it caused a wave of guilt to wash over her. Her entire body stiffened as his hands moved to her hips. But she did not stiffen because of his touch. No, this time her body tensed because the thought that she’d pushed him too far - just like Audra had - hit her like a punch to the gut, causing it to twist uncomfortably. With his hands at her hips, she couldn’t help but feel like he wanted to remove her from his lap, but he seemed to hesitate on that action, much like he’d hesitated to even pull her into his lap in the first place.
“Are you certain that’s what you really want?” Given the change in tension, the way it was now shrouded in fear and anxiety instead of the lust and passion that consumed them moments ago, Alice wondered what the meaning behind that question was. Was he asking for her consent? Was he doubting that she knew what she wanted? “If there is one thing I do not doubt, it is what I want.” She said simply, not sure what else to tell him at that moment as he searched her eyes. He continued to question her and she felt her heart sink slowly, a feeling that made her entire body ache as she held her breath, brows furrowing into an almost sad expression as her eyes swiveled between his, as if she could somehow find the answers to questions she didn’t even know she needed or wanted to ask.
Closing her eyes and shaking her head, she was preparing to find her words before he spoke up again. “Or maybe I will push you away and not ever find or see you again..” Her heart constricted in her chest at the statement as her eyes slowly opened to find his face. Wasn’t pushing her away exactly what he was doing right now? Lips pulled into a tight line and she sighed heavily. She’d begun to drop her hands from his face in defeat, unable to swallow down the feeling in her throat; the feeling that his questions were possibly more self-reflective than aimed at her for an answer.. Were those things he secretly wanted? A single night and then.. Nothing? But he’d said so many things, going so far as to back some of his words with actions.. But maybe it was all for show. Did he have a singular goal? Was he telling her the things he thought would aid him in that goal? Was he going to blindside her when it was all said and done?
Just as her hands would leave his face, he was grasping one in his hand, kissing her palm and then her wrist, sending a shiver through her small body as her head tilted, a soft look across her face. She knew her admiring gaze would not be enough to answer his questions, however, and he would need an answer wouldn’t he? There was a moment of hesitance before she spoke. “I have very few regrets and that would not be one of them.” She whispered, repeating the sentiment she’d told him at the ball the first time he’d really kissed her. “I already told you I will always be here.” She shook her head again.
When her eyes opened again, the seriousness he held in his gaze caused her to lean away from his slightly before he pulled her closer, kissing just behind her ear, causing a mix of confusion and bliss to flood her. He was whispering to her, and despite how desperately she’d wanted to hear those words, they did not bring her comfort. All of his questionings had her second-guessing everything she thought she knew about whatever was unfolding between them. Maybe he didn’t mean all the things he’d told her since the ball and her coming here. Maybe he was feeling bad now that things had escalated this far and this was his way of saving face.
No. That was her doubtful mind speaking. She took a moment to listen to her other senses, deciding to put her negative thoughts on the back burner for now. “What is it that terrifies you and what can I do to help?” Her eyes shifted between his, the slightest hint of concern touched with reassurance showing in them.
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Soleil
29
Single
Lieutenant of the Tresterian Army : Cavalry
Tier 2 Character
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Post by Nathaniel Starke on Oct 22, 2020 22:45:28 GMT -5
Nathaniel was pretty sure he had ruined the moment even without trying to. He knew the moment when Audra crept into his mind at Alice’s words, making him question her and her motives. He nearly regretted asking her that. Was he already forgetting everything she had told him? Or maybe they were just words-- to get what she wanted. To lure him in. And he had let it work. But when he saw the expression on her face, and the look in her eyes, he knew he had been wrong to ask her. She wasn’t Audra, and he knew that.
Brown eyes watched Alice as she sat there in silence. His lips pulled into a slight frown as he wondered what was going on through her mind. He parted his lips to say something- to tell her to forget he asked that- that he knew it didn't matter to her and that his past experiences were just getting into his head. But she was finally speaking, confirming his thoughts that it didn’t matter to her. His expression remained serious, though, as he kept his eyes on hers with a softened gaze. She poked at his chest before pressing her hand over where his heart was and then poked at his forehead, indicating she cared more about his heart and his mind. Nathaniel’s eyes fell shut for a brief moment when he felt her hand back on his face. When he opened them, he caught her forced smile followed by her hardened words. He nodded in response, moving his hand to curl around hers at his face before he pulled it away and placed a kiss on her knuckles.
“I know…” He whispered, finding her eyes, his gaze soft and apologetic. “I did not mean to…” His words trailed off, unsure of how to finish his thought. “...I’m sorry.” He squeezed her hand gently. He knew she would tell him not to apologize, and the thought made the corners of his lips twitch only slightly, “I should have known better than to have any doubts.” His mind wandered to the first day they had met. Alice had told him that doubting her would be his biggest mistake during their encounter. Those words felt like they rang true now. “I am regretting my doubt now. For real this time.” He hadn’t really doubted her at the chase- he barely knew her enough to throw doubt at her. “Will you give me another pass for doubting you?” He smirked slightly, hinting to her that he remembered their initial conversation. He remembered everything about her.
Although he was nervous, he kept his eyes on her with a look of admiration. She repeated the word. Everything. Almost as if it were nothing and she was confident in what she had initially said. Was it so easy for her to know exactly what she wanted? How was she so sure? But then he felt her stiffen underneath his hands and he slowly removed them from her as she twisted uncomfortably on him. He frowned and looked down for a moment, feeling that he had overstepped his boundaries, or he was upsetting her.
Maybe he had meant both meanings in his question. He did not wish to assume Alice wanted something that she really didn’t. And he didn’t want to assume the wrong things and push her limits with him. Or his. “If there is one thing I do not doubt, it is what I want.” He inhaled deeply, his breath staggering nervously. Part of him wanted her to realize that she had just been caught up in the moment and that when he asked his question, she would realize that. But instead, she spoke in that confidence as if she knew exactly what she wanted and never doubted her own feelings.
As she looked into his eyes, his own stared into hers, trying to read her expression and find the honesty in her gaze. He watched as sadness, defeat, and unease took over her features and it caused him to frown as he watched her. Were his questions making her realize that maybe she didn’t want this? That it would turn things awkward between them and make her want to stay away from him? Or was she fearing that he would succeed at pushing her away? He looked away from her, sighing almost inaudibly. He was making a mess of this, just as he typically did.
He slowly returned his gaze to her as he took her hand and kissed it. He caught sight of her admiring gaze and it was enough to give him a small glimmer of hope before she spoke. “I have very few regrets and that would not be one of them.” His brown eyes stared back at her, his gaze softening as he smiled at her. She had said the same thing to him about him kissing her- but this was a lot more than just a kiss. That very thought sent a wave of electricity through him and caused his heart to begin thundering in his chest. “I already told you I will always be here.” He slowly released a breath out his nose in almost a sigh. Her answers were what he wanted to hear to ease part of his worries, yet they did not help him with the panic that lingered in the back of his mind. Alice was unknowingly dismissing all of his attempts to push her away, leaving him with his fears as the only excuse for him to hold back from her.
Nathaniel nodded slowly in response to her answers. He knew she could only answer those, but not the one about him pushing her away. He had already tried pushing her away how many times in just this very evening? He had warned her, hadn’t he? But he also told her that he didn’t want her to leave and Alice responded that she wouldn’t give him a choice in the matter. Maybe they were starting to just sound like words to her, and he was starting to realize that now. He sighed, letting his gaze fall momentarily. He knew he would somehow need to show her that he meant what he said--he just didn’t know how.
He tried to remedy the situation by telling her he wanted her, he wanted everything, too. Nathaniel showed her his insecurities and reservations- his vulnerability as he admitted to her that he was terrified. Brown eyes were soft, yet did nothing to hide the worry that resided in them. They wavered between her eyes as she questioned him, that concern and reassurance showing in them. His gaze fell to her hand that he still held in his own and he slowly shook his head, sighing quietly. He wasn’t certain there was anything she could do to help.
When he looked back at her, he stared into her eyes for a long moment- maybe too long, before he forced a half-smile that only caused the corners of his lips to twitch. His voice vibrated from within his chest as he spoke quietly. “I think…” He hesitated as he searched her eyes, worried about what she might think or say if he spoke what was on his mind. Would she find him too desperate? Too weak? He shook his head and let a nervous breath out his nose. “I think I’m already terrified of losing you...” His words sounded so profound as they left his lips. He never imagined himself saying such a thing to anyone- yet here he sat, meaning every word. He breathed a small laugh out his nose as his lips curled upward into a light-hearted smirk. “Trust is something so foreign to me…” He knew Alice had told him that she would always be here. There was no way of telling what the future would bring for them and if those words would always apply for Alice. He needed to trust her. He lifted his free hand to touch her face as he urged her to look into his eyes. “But I’m trying.”
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Lux
22
Recently Divorced
Lady in waiting/Spy
Tier 2 Character
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Post by Alice Calder on Oct 23, 2020 15:55:31 GMT -5
His hand curled around hers, a soft kiss being placed against her knuckles. The corners of her mouth twitched up in a smile as he whispered two simple words, eyes meeting hers. She knew this was likely more difficult for him than it was for her. Perhaps he was worried about it becoming a repeat of what Audra put him through. Maybe there was something else hindering him..
With that apologetic look still in his eyes, he began to speak again, words trailing off before he uttered an apology. She lightly squeezed his hand in return. “It is alright.” Her gaze dropped to the hand he held as the words sounded under her breath. For once, she wasn’t going to tell him not to apologize. While she didn’t feel he really had a need to - and that he shouldn’t have - she couldn’t bring herself to say anything else.
He spoke up again and Alice was shaking her head lightly. He could have his doubts if he wanted. She’d just prove that any doubts he had about her were wrong. As if his words ran parallel with her thoughts, he told her he was regretting his initial doubt, ‘for real this time.’ Her gaze was curious as she looked at him, head tilting only slightly, not even enough to be noticeable as a smile began to break through her hardened expression. “Will you give me another pass for doubting you?” She laughed softly, a light sound that carried on the air before she pressed her lips into a line, pretending to debate her answer. “I usually only give one pass.” She said in mock defiance, lifting her chin ever-so-slightly as she looked down at him and shrugged. “But I suppose I could make an exception this time around.” She winked playfully.
Despite the playfulness written across her face and playing in her tone, she couldn’t help but feel as if he were so far away from her now. Miles seemed to stretch between them though she remained in his lap. Before meeting Nathaniel, she’d felt empty; hollow. But she was used to that and it hadn’t really bothered her. In fact, it was entirely welcome. Going through life was so much easier when you developed no real attachments to anyone other than family. But, everything slowly breathed to life after the chase, roaring to existence after the ball. Then, it had burned like a ferocious fire consuming the land until now, when she snuffed it out almost entirely. She couldn’t always trust her heart and mind, but she could always trust what she felt.. Right? Perhaps that was part of the problem. She didn’t expect to feel so much so soon. Maybe she hadn’t even really wanted to. It didn’t make sense that certain emotions she couldn’t explain stirred. It was against her will and that was terrifying. Maybe she couldn’t always trust what she felt after all. Perhaps feelings were just as unreliable as the hopeful heart and doubtful mind.. Even so, she remained confident in what she wanted. How? It was hard to say, really. She’d always been like that.
The fact that he’d removed his hands and had yet to speak was more than enough for Alice to forcibly close herself off. In what was perhaps a testament to her will-power, she flipped a switch, her mind going quiet as she studied him. He seemed to be as defeated as she felt and while it began to make her heart ache, she willed herself to numb. Funny, she’d told him that he could push all he wanted and she’d pull, but already, here she sat, feeling like she was losing that fight. Maybe if she let him push her away now, it wouldn’t hurt so much later. It wasn’t fair that he had her questioning everything. She may not doubt what she wanted, but she was certainly beginning to doubt herself. Still, she had to try.
He kissed her hand again, sending a flood of hope through her that she struggled to swallow down again. As his gaze softened, a smile spreading across his lips, she felt her heart flutter with that very hope. Internally, she was telling herself no. Somehow, it was like she’d never built any walls to begin with. He walked through them as if he were an apparition and it was unnerving. Instead of her walls crumbling down, they remained high. Yet, he was on the other side of her barriers, as if he hadn’t even had to try. How did he do that?
In some ways, the things he’d told her were, in fact, beginning to sound like nothing more than words, but she wanted so badly to believe that there was truth in them, that he meant what he said. She’d meant every word muttered to him, but she knew that just like she felt about his words, there was no way he could possibly know that. His gaze fell from here then and she dropped the hand he didn’t hold away from him, letting it rest in her lap, careful not to let it touch him as she rested it palm up against her thigh. She followed his eyes to where their hands were clasped, silently sighing as he released his own quiet sigh.
Her gaze returned to his face in tandem with his own eyes finding her. For a moment, they both just stared at each other and she began to squirm uncomfortably beneath his dark eyes. She instantly steadied herself when he finally began to break their silence, expressionless eyes squinting in curiosity at him when he paused and released a nervous breath. “I think I’m already terrified of losing you...” Her breath caught in her throat and she froze, not sure what to say or think as she stared at him with a look that could have been falsely interpreted as her not believing his words. The reality was that she was stunned. Was she even his to lose..? She dropped her gaze slowly, removing her hand from his with a gentle pull as both of her hands intertwined together in front of her chest. He spoke again, admitting that trust was foreign to him. It was foreign to her, too, but she was beginning to see that her aversion to trust was not the same as his and that his distrust was likely more deeply rooted than hers. Would she be able to ever break through to him, to help them both reach a point where pushing away was no longer an option? If not, then what was supposed to happen next?
His hand going to her face pulled her away from her thoughts. She realized only then that she’d failed to quiet them again. With his eyes staring into hers, it was all she could to stare back, letting the slightest hint of an unsure smile touched her face. “But I’m trying.” It was only then that she realized her lungs were burning from holding her breath for so long and she released it slowly, hesitating for a moment before she leaned forward, brushing his nose lightly with hers before resting her forehead on his. Her eyes closed and she took a slow, steadying breath as one of her hands came to rest on his cheek. She pulled away just enough to place a gentle kiss to his forehead, letting her lips linger there for a few moments before she pulled away to look at him, her thumb stroking his face lightly. She wasn’t fooling herself at all. Even if she wanted to give up on him, let him push her away, she knew she would never allow herself. It was strange to think that she was even stubborn when it came to her own thoughts.
“I will not ask you for trust that you cannot give.” She told him, staring into his eyes. “But I will try to earn it.” Her words conflicted with the inner turmoil she faced. Strangely, her words were always more true than any of the thoughts that rang on the inside. While it made little sense, that was just the way it was sometimes, especially in regards to him. She could be filled with doubt, fear, confusion.. Her words would always be true, would always ring from her lungs as if there was nothing to doubt or fear; as if they were the ultimate truth.
Not quite sure what to say to him, she removed herself from his lap slowly, taking the place next to him and turning her body so that she faced him fully. One leg was curled onto the couch, hanging off the edge by her ankle while the other rested tip-toe on the floor. Her index finger lifted to the side of his face opposite to her, guiding his gaze towards her. For a moment, it looked as if she wanted to speak, but instead, she was kissing him again, her lips slow and soft as they melted into his as if she were trying to apologize for everything she’d put him through tonight. What a foolish woman she was..
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Soleil
29
Single
Lieutenant of the Tresterian Army : Cavalry
Tier 2 Character
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Post by Nathaniel Starke on Oct 23, 2020 21:36:55 GMT -5
This was precisely why he kept to himself; why he didn’t get involved with anyone and their lives and why he didn’t allow himself to develop feelings. It stirred up his own emotions and his fears. It made him worry about every little thing. It made him doubt everything about himself and reminded him that he was better off alone-- or that people were just better off without him. He could feel that Alice’s whole demeanor changed as if he were succeeding in pushing her away, or maybe she was realizing that she had been wrong about him and that she regretted everything she had ever said to him. That was what he wanted, wasn’t it? Then why did he feel so horrible? Why did he want to just pull her tightly into his arms and hold her against him for the rest of the night?
Alice was dismissing his apology, and he gave her a curious look. She didn’t even try to tell him not to- as if what he had done actually deserved an apology and maybe she didn’t want to accept his but felt an obligation to. His lips parted slightly as if he were about to say something, but his voice cracked with a sound before he shut his mouth. He honestly didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t help but feel as if their night would be ending earlier than he was hoping now.
Her laugh brought a small amount of relief to him, and then even more so as she played along with him. He let out a small laugh from his nose when she admitted she only gave one pass. His head tilted with a slight smirk that would have gone along with unspoken words of ‘fair enough.’ But Alice was giving him the exception and his smile grew a little more, nearly reaching his eyes. “Thank you,” he said gently and sincerely.
Like Alice, he too felt the growing distance between them. He hadn’t physically pushed her away, but he knew he had emotionally. Things had grown colder around them, replacing the heat of the fire that had burned between them, and there was a different kind of tension in the air. Without his control, and despite his attempts to fight it, his past snuck its way into his mind and caused him to destroy that fire, much like the dying one in the fireplace at the moment.
The expression on Alice’s face when he admitted what he was terrified for, caused his heart to sink. She did not believe him- doubting him now. Maybe he was a fool for saying such things- she wasn’t even his to lose yet, though he unknowingly had that hope. Maybe it was that hope he was terrified of. Nathaniel watched as she averted her eyes from him, removed her hand from his, and moved them to her chest so he perhaps could not take them back from her. He frowned, allowing his own gaze to finally fall from hers.
His mind wandered in the moment he had told her trust was foreign to him. Despite feeling as if she did not wish for him to touch her again, he moved his hand to her face regardless and tried to assure her that he was trying. Nathaniel had told her it was difficult for him, and unfortunately, Alice was no exception as much as he wished she was- as much as he wanted to trust her. Brown eyes lifted to find her face again as she leaned forward and brushed her nose against his, rested her forehead against his, and then moved a hand to his cheek. He sighed quietly, leaning into her touch much like she always did to him when he touched her. Her touch was a small reminder that she wasn’t going anywhere despite this minor setback they were faced with. His eyes fell shut as she kissed his forehead, causing him to smile. As she pulled away from him, then, he opened his eyes to meet her gaze. He smiled at her as he looked back at her with that admiring and hopeful expression, still filled with a hint of guilt.
“I will not ask you for trust that you cannot give...But I will try to earn it.” Nathaniel gave her an uneasy smile and nodded, unsure of what to say. He knew he would need to earn her trust as well. It went both ways. Though, in a lot of ways, he supposed Alice was already beginning to trust him-- especially with her willingness to give him and want everything from him. But he had ruined that now, hadn’t he?
He felt his heart sink hard as she slipped out of his lap and back beside him, pulling that warmth further away from him. His gaze did not follow her but remained down at his lap where she had once sat. How had one evening consisted of far too many emotions to go through? For the second time, he was about to suggest that they get her home, but he felt her hand on his cheek again, urging him to look at her. Once again, he was staring into her beautiful eyes, searching them for something he wasn’t sure he was looking for. He thought she had been about to say something, but instead, her lips were touching his again, kissing him with much less passion that was once between them. Even still, there was something different about the way she kissed him now, and it almost saddened him. His arms coiled around her, loosely at first until they tightened around her, holding her against him in a warm embrace. He kissed her back, not daring to push her into anything more than the slow tenderness that was there now. It didn’t feel right to in the moment. But he held her, not letting go--just as he told her he wouldn’t and didn’t want to.
After a moment, he gently pulled away reluctantly and opened his eyes to look back into hers, moving back and forth between them, searching them. He raised a hand to rest on her cheek and he let out a sigh from his nose. “Maybe I’m a fool for being afraid of losing something that isn’t yet mine to lose…” He gave her an uneasy smile and caressed her face with his thumb. “But…” He hesitated for a moment as he continued to search her eyes. “Since I’ve met you…” With his free hand, he took one of hers into his and intertwined his fingers with hers. His expression softened, his eyes showing nothing but admiration. “I feel like you’ve awoken something in me that I didn’t even think was possible. I’ve convinced myself that I was destined to be alone...Perhaps even that I don’t really belong anywhere…” He forced an uneasy smile, letting out a sigh from his nose. “But then you tripped into my life." He smirked and let out a small chuckle, before growing serious again. "And... I meant it when I said that I’m quite certain I was already yours the moment I kissed you...And that I want you...” He lifted their intertwined hands and pressed his lips against the back of her hand. “You’ve given me something to hope for...Something to wake up for.” He fell silent for a brief moment, his eyes falling from hers and he whispered quietly. “Maybe more so than my fear of losing you...I’m afraid that eventually, you will see me the way that I see myself.” Nathaniel shook his head at himself and let out a saddened laugh from his nose. He couldn’t bring himself to look back at her, then, feeling ashamed of his vulnerability and weakness.
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Lux
22
Recently Divorced
Lady in waiting/Spy
Tier 2 Character
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Post by Alice Calder on Oct 24, 2020 21:07:22 GMT -5
In the mix of everything that had transpired over the night, Alice wasn’t exactly sure how they’d ended up at this point. It seemed now that her very reason for coming here in the first place was all but forgotten as the two of them appeared to struggle to not only figure each other out, but themselves as well. It was almost as if her reason for coming had been swept under the rug in lieu of.. Could you even call this romance? Was there really anything romantic about any of it? Perhaps to the outside, untrained eye, the answer would be no. But in the small moments with Nathaniel, there was something more than the standoffishness that they both seemed to share in. Maybe there was something endearing about it all. Maybe not. It was hard to tell.
Even with his ‘thank you’ in response to their brief playfulness, she still felt as if everything around them had turned cold. Or was it just that the fire was still dying? Again, it was hard to tell, but it didn’t seem to matter much either way. In so many ways, it felt like both of them were giving up on the night and she wondered if she’d see him again after this. After all, what if he didn’t try to find her or see her again, like he’d said? Would she take the hint and stay away too? Or would she push the issue further, making herself appear more and more like Audra? Is that how he was beginning to see her the longer the night went on? Surely not, not when he looked at her like that; not when he looked almost saddened at her sudden distance.
He’d leaned into her touch, causing the smallest inkling of a smile to touch her face, brown eyes nearly brightening at the joy the gesture brought her. But as was expected, the happiness faded quickly as she reminded herself that this would likely go nowhere. Neither of them had any idea of the intentions the other held. All they could do was hope and trust that the other was being honest and.. Wasn’t that quite ironic? The thought nearly caused her to huff a laugh, but instead she remained quiet. Perhaps it was finally time to go. No.. It had been time to go long ago. She’d overstayed her welcome and it was apparent in the sudden distance that continued to stretch out between them.
His hopeful expression was touched with guilt as he gave her an uneasy smile, nodding at the words she’d spoken to him. However, she almost wished she’d said nothing. Maybe that wasn’t a response he was looking for or wanted to hear.. She should really learn when to keep her mouth shut. But then, that was something she already knew how to do, so why was it so hard to manage when in his presence?
Each time she seemed to make an educated assumption about whatever this was between them, he was doing the opposite of what she expected. His arms wrapped around her gently, tightening slightly as she was pulled into his embrace. Instantly, the cold between them seemed to melt away and she felt herself relax, even if only slightly as their slow kiss continued. It might not have been as heated as their earlier kiss, but emotion still slammed her in the chest. First uncertainty, then longing, and then something she couldn’t quite put her finger on. It threatened to roar back to life the fire within herself she’d begun to snuff out. But before the flames could make her burn with desire again, he was pulling away from her, searching her eyes again. She wondered what he was constantly looking for in her expression. Or was he like her, looking for answers to questions he didn’t even know needed to be asked?
A hand came to rest on her cheek and without thinking, she was closing her eyes against his touch, resisting the urge to lean into his palm though she was sure the desperation to do just that showed on her face. Her eyes only opened again when he began speaking, calling himself a fool for his fear. Alice shook her head lightly, urging a small smile onto her lips. “But..” That was the word she’d been waiting on and she sighed, wondering what heartbreaking statement might follow. “Since I’ve met you..” The suspense was killing her and she found herself wrapping a hand at the one he held against her cheek, squeezing it lightly though her hold did not ease up. Her entire body was tense again, and perhaps that was clear in the hold she had on his hand. Even with his fingers intertwining into hers, his gaze softening, it did little to ease the gnawing anxiety that had her in a vice grip.
He was finally really speaking the sentiments on his mind and Alice found herself blinking in confusion. Although, she wasn’t quite sure why it confused her. How many times had the words he’d spoken been close to the very things she thought? But his words almost made her.. Sad. How could he think he belonged no where, that he was destined to be alone? She felt her heart sink for him, but no in the way that she pitied him. No, she simply understood exactly what he meant; exactly what he felt.
“But then you tripped into my life." He chuckled as she rolled her eyes, huffing a laugh through her nose. Lips parted to speak before he spoke up again, effectively silencing her for a moment longer. The words that followed made her heart begin to beat rapidly in her chest, her body feeling like a fire was spreading - the very fire she’d been trying to put out. She tried searching his face as he placed a kiss to the back of her hand, another wave of heat coursing through her. She took a steadying breath as if that alone would be enough to stop what was essentially hot flashes. “You’ve given me something to hope for...Something to wake up for.” No.. There was no way he really thought that highly of her. She wasn’t that special. Just look at the mess she’d made; the mess she made of everything she touched.. How could she give him hope, give him something to wake up for? But still, he continued on and she listened quietly.
Final words passed his lips and he looked away from her. For a moment, she was silent, her own gaze falling to her lap, lips pressing into a hard line before she was removing both of her hands from his, pulling his hand away from her face. She leaned towards him, arms wrapping around his shoulders, head coming to rest at the bend of his neck where she nuzzled into him lightly. “I suppose I cannot deny that I think I have been yours since the very same moment.” She laughed nervously against his skin before pulling away from him, a hand going to his face so that he would look at her. Her gaze held an intense seriousness that she tried to smile through, to maybe soften her expression. She wanted him to know that she meant the words she’d told him tonight; and the words she was about to tell him.
“I think..” She hesitated, looking away from him, knowing that she would lose her nerve to say the words lingering on her heart if she continued to look at him. “Even if you think you belong nowhere, I think you belong right here.. With me.” She breathed the word as her gaze returned to him with a longing smile. “It is hard for me to accept that you think so highly of me that I give you hope or ‘something to wake up for,’” She sighed quietly before a breathy laugh escaped her. “But, the moment you tripped me,” She gave him a playfully pointed look, as if she were correcting his words. However, her playfulness soon melted back into seriousness. “I’ve had the hardest time getting you off my mind. I do not know what this feeling is or why only you can cause it to stir, but..” She smiled her unease, unsure how to finish her statement. Another sigh passed her lips. She really shouldn’t be admitting all this. It was only going to make things that much more difficult in the long run. “I never wanted to do this again.. To let someone in.” She dropped her hands from his face then, letting them fall loosely into her lap. “Yet here I am - and I am so selfishly terrified that this is going to hurt..” She swallowed against the words, her expression showing that fear clearly across her face as she stared at him, fingers fidgeting together.
“I felt so empty before I met you. Every part of me was.. Broken.” She couldn’t look at him now. Once again, she was telling herself that if he could bear his soul, then so could she. “Considering the mess I’ve made of this entire evening, maybe I’m still broken.” The words sounded defeated. “How can I bring any happiness or hope to anyone else when I can’t even find either of those things within myself?” She sighed, slowly moving slightly away from him. Her brown eyes still did not meet his face. “Perhaps you are right for wanting to push me away, even if my own selfishness does not want you to. I just..” Her words trailed off as she shrugged her defeat. “I want this, you, so badly. But I do not deserve any of it.” Yes, take something that could have been sweet and romantic and turn it around to be something else. Destroy it; sabotage it. Just like every other good thing that could have been. Was this really the person she’d become? He'd admitted to her that he likely feared her seeing him the way he saw himself, so why not show him exactly how she saw herself? Maybe it was her way of telling him he had nothing to worry about in that regard.. Or maybe she was the one trying to do the pushing now..
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Soleil
29
Single
Lieutenant of the Tresterian Army : Cavalry
Tier 2 Character
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Post by Nathaniel Starke on Oct 25, 2020 0:00:19 GMT -5
Alice had remained silent the entire time he spoke. Her body tensed and her hands tightened around his. For a moment, he wondered if he should just stop speaking. Maybe she did not wish to hear these things from him. Was he making himself out to be an even bigger fool than he was feeling? Would she think him as weak as he felt right now for being so vulnerable? Despite his mind screaming at him to stop, he just couldn’t seem to once the words flowed out of his mouth nervously.
He noticed the confusion on her face as he continued to speak and he wondered if she didn’t believe what he was saying, doubting him, or if she was simply confused about why he was telling her these things. Even so, he pressed on, hoping to ease the tension if only briefly by blaming her for tripping into his life. Nathaniel was glad to have been able to get a small laugh out of her and even an eye roll. He swore, they’d get stuck like that someday and he’d tell her I told you so. The thought had him smirking and he let out another breath of a laugh out of his nose.
When he finished speaking, he sat there quietly, keeping his gaze downward, almost afraid to hear what she would say. Would she laugh in his face and call him a fool? How could he dare think such things when this was only their third encounter with one another? Alice was silent too and he only imagined she was maybe trying to think of a way to nicely let him down. And then she pulled her hands from his and removed his hand from her face. His heart sank and he felt his breath catch in his throat. He wanted to sink and disappear into the couch at that very moment.
But then he felt Alice lean towards him, wrapping her arms around him and resting her head into his neck. Instinctively, he moved his arms back around her, pulling her against him. “I suppose I cannot deny that I think I have been yours since the very same moment.” His heart leaped back into his throat, instantly beginning to quicken its pace, and he felt a wave of electricity surge through his entire body. Did she just admit to him that she thought she was his since they kissed, too?
He smiled softly as she pulled away from him and urged him to look at her. His hand moved to curl around hers at his face, his brown eyes stared into hers with an intensity of that desire, hope, and admiration. It was seemingly her turn to speak her mind, and he didn’t dare remove his eyes from hers as he listened, even when she averted her own gaze from him.
“Even if you think you belong nowhere, I think you belong right here.. With me.” He could have sworn that his heart stopped at that very moment as it skipped a few beats before it began to race again. His eyes softened even more when she looked back at him, and he gave her a reassuring smile. That was probably one of the nicest things anyone had ever said to him in his pathetic miserable life. But in Alice’s words that followed, his brows furrowed in confusion. It was hard for her to accept that he thought so highly of her? Why? His lips parted and he inhaled deeply as if he were about to respond to that, but Alice was laughing and correcting his own words about him tripping her. He grinned widely, his teeth showing as he let out a heartened laugh for probably the first time since they had met. But it did not last long as Alice grew serious again, his smile faded back into a more serious gaze as he continued to listen to her.
Despite her seriousness, Nathaniel couldn’t help but smile at her words. Until she admitted that she was selfishly terrified that this was going to hurt. He frowned and stared back at her, catching the fear written on her face now. He again, inhaled deeply as if he were about to speak again, but Alice cut him off again, continuing on with what she wanted to say. He closed his lips into a hard line and forced a small smile.
“I felt so empty before I met you. Every part of me was... Broken.” Her words seemed to hit him hard in the chest. Did she have any idea how much he felt the same exact way? His own gaze fell down to his lap when she looked away from him. He considered telling her just how much he felt the same way. Maybe he had already hinted at it, though, and maybe this was Alice’s way of telling him that she understood and felt the same. He wasn’t quite sure- but it would seem that they both shared the same kind of inner turmoil about themselves. But her next words caused him to look back at her, his brows lowering over his eyes and he blinked a few times, confused as to why Alice would think that she was the one to make a mess of the entire evening. He felt that it was entirely his fault for making a mess of everything. He and his damned insecurities and fears.
His lips parted and a sound started to escape him, but Alice was moving away from him and he quickly shut his mouth when she was throwing it in his face that he should push her away, and he was right to want to. He looked away from her, ashamed in himself that she thought that about him, or that he made her feel that way. Or was she simply trying to push him away now? He sighed quietly, not knowing what to say. Alice had just said a lot of things and he now just felt entirely confused by all of it. She wanted him, and then she wanted him to push her away... But she didn’t.
“I want this, you, so badly. But I do not deserve any of it.” Her words caused his gaze to snap right back at her, shock, disbelief, and confusion clear across his features as he looked at her. She still wasn’t looking at him though. He reached for her, pulling him back against him and into his embrace. He rested his face against the side of her head so he could speak into her ear, whispering. “No, you do, Alice…” He held her for a moment longer before he pulled back and placed his hands on her shoulders. “You do deserve it.” His brown eyes wavered between hers and he breathed a sigh out of his nose, his shoulders dropping as the breath was released. He stared at her for a moment, before he removed one of his hands from her shoulders only to place a finger under her chin to urge her to look at him.
He stared into her eyes for a long moment before he smiled and laughed a breath out of his nose. He shook his head slowly as if trying to show his disbelief. “You haven’t the slightest idea, do you, Alice…?” Nathaniel moved his hand and placed it on her cheek again. “I just told you that you’ve awoken something in me I didn’t think was ever possible...I have lived basically all twenty-nine years of my life feeling that emptiness…” He laughed at himself and shook his head. How pathetic that might sound to Alice. Or maybe she would doubt or disbelieve his words. “You’ve already done so much for me in the short time we’ve known each other...You’ve done what no one else ever has or ever would do… And although it might not seem much to you… It has been for me.” His brows furrowed as he looked at her. He knew that she might still doubt him, so he thought for a moment, trying to think of what she had done for him exactly. “You have made me smile and laugh more than I ever have before, I think…You make me feel things when I thought I never wanted to… Both emotionally…” He hesitated for a moment, swallowing his nerves. “...And physically.” He brushed his thumb against her cheek as he forced a smile. “I never wanted to let anyone in… For fear of being hurt. For being judged and misunderstood.” He sighed. “You think you are broken… But so am I. So horribly broken, you would never believe some of the things I’ve lived through…” He looked away from her and down briefly, silently cursing himself for saying that- for giving Alice any sort of hint that he had deeper, darker secrets than he ever let on to.
He was going off track on the point he wished to make, so he forced himself to look back at her and he moved his other hand so he held her face into both of them and he looked deeply into her eyes. “Despite hearing less than favorable things about me… You still came here tonight to brave the consequences...You believed me when not a lot of others would have. You’ve shown me affection and that you care…” He breathed a small laugh out his nose and shook his head. “How could you not accept that I think so highly of you when you’re one of the few who have shown this to me? You’ve given me every reason to have hope. Since I’ve met you, I wake up each morning hoping to get to see you again… To see your smile and hear your laugh.…” He leaned closer to her and gently brushed his lips against hers before he whispered against them. “To feel your lips against mine again…”
Nathaniel wanted to kiss her again, but he wasn’t sure how Alice felt in the moment when she had just tried pushing him away and closing herself off from him, so he slowly pulled away and looked back at her, trying to gauge how she was feeling if she would believe or understand his words. “I could say the same things, Alice… I don’t deserve any of this… Why now after all this time? What kind of horrible heartless person must I be to know nothing but isolation and coldness in all these years? To not feel things for anyone because I’d much rather shut them out and push them away? How can I make anyone happy if I don’t even know what that is?” He sighed quietly. “All I know is that you have made me feel something and although I can’t quite fully explain how or why, or that I understand any of it.” He smiled at her before he laughed quietly, “You’ve made me feel like maybe I do actually have a heart, after all..." His voice dropped in a lower tone, with a bit of insinuation to it, "You have certainly made it race on several occasions this evening...Reminding me it's in there.”
He slowly let his hands fall from her face and he took hers into his, squeezing them gently. His eyes briefly fell to look at her hands and how they looked intertwined with his own. He smiled softly. “You’re terrified that this is going to hurt… But what if it doesn’t?” He returned his gaze to hers and then shrugged his shoulders. “I have a feeling we’ve both endured quite a bit of hurt in our lives… Maybe we will cancel that out with one another?” He smirked, that typical cocky smile of his before he lifted one of her hands and placed a kiss on her knuckles. “So…All that to say…” He took a deep breath and released it slowly out of his nose. “Maybe we just…” He leaned in closer to her again, gently pulling one of his hands from hers so that he could touch her face again. His lips lightly brushed against hers before he whispered, “Give in to this…" He brushed his nose to hers and kept his lips dangerously close to her mouth. "...To each other…And…” He pulled her closer to him and kissed her softly and briefly before finishing his sentence, whispering almost inaudibly against her lips. “See what happens…”
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Lux
22
Recently Divorced
Lady in waiting/Spy
Tier 2 Character
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Post by Alice Calder on Oct 25, 2020 18:42:50 GMT -5
Once the words started, they simply wouldn’t stop, even though she’d willed them to several times. She was acting so out of character.. Or maybe this was truly who she was on the inside. If she’d really become this good at hiding her true self, even from herself, then what a convincing act she put on display. It was just too bad that the mask she wore was shattered when Nathaniel was involved. She still wasn’t sure what it was about him that disarmed her so completely, but it was becoming a slow acceptance. Even if only gradually, it was finally sinking in that she could not escape the things he breathed to life within her. That was perhaps why she had taken to closing herself off so suddenly. If she could just push him away, then she could let go of her fear, sink back into her hollow shell, and live life as she had been with nothing to disturb her inner peace. There would be nothing else to challenge her and she could simply be the way she always was with no consequences or reason to change any of it. Yet, here she still sat.
Her mind had screamed at her several times this night to just leave, forget she’d ever came, but it was as if her body refused to move; effectively glued into the place by the ever-lingering what-if’s. What if this was what she’d always hoped for and dreamed of? What if he was the missing piece that she’d always craved but never attempted to seek out? What if she just allowed herself to get lost in his embrace, his kiss, his.. Everything?
There was a moment where she wished she would have stopped speaking as soon as that laugh escaped him. It was perhaps the warmest sound she’d heard come from him since their meeting and it almost coerced a grin across her full lips. But everything she wanted to say required focus and she couldn’t focus at all when he smiled at her like that. It was the first time she’d seen such a smile on his face and she liked it more than she’d ever let on. How handsome he was.. It made it far too difficult to keep her focus sometimes. Of course, that was only a bonus, really. The person that he was.. That was what stole her breath away and made it hard for her to think.
So many things seemed to cross his face; hope, admiration, confusion, and disbelief. It was nearly enough to silence her entirely, but still, she soldiered on, not sure what his reaction would be to any of her words. Would he think her pathetic? Would he see her as just another woman with no control over her own thoughts and emotions? Would his perspective of her become one that made him think she was nothing more than a pessimistic fool? She could sit here and hope not all she wanted, but that was exactly how she sounded to herself. What an idiot she was.. How much weaker could one person possibly be?
She’d felt her heart sink when he looked away from her and she immediately wished she hadn’t have said anything to him at all. It seemed to be the part about him being in the right to push her away that seemed to warrant his reaction, but even so, it was her entire speech that had led to that point. If only she could have stopped herself right then, snapped her mouth shut and said nothing else, let him think what he will. But would that have really made anything better or would it have only served to make things even worse? There was no way to know now.
From the corner of her eye, she could see his gaze snap back to her and she nearly winced. She willed herself to remain still, though it didn’t stop the surprise she felt when he was suddenly pulling her back into him, whispering simple words against her ear that caused her heart to sink further. How could he be so insistent that she deserved anything as wonderful as him? He hardly knew her..
His hands were on her shoulders as he pulled away and though her gaze met his for a brief moment, it was soon focused back in her lap as he repeated the sentiment again with what seemed to be more seriousness than before. However, as a finger found its way under her chin, lifting her eyes back to him, she pulled her lips into a hard line, trying to empty her expression though she was certain the nervousness she felt was clear in her dark eyes. Then, his words finally came, causing her brows to pull together in confusion at his look of disbelief. Apparently she didn’t have the slightest idea.
Then he was admitting that he too felt that emptiness, for most of his life, which suddenly made her feel guilty. What was two years of feeling hollow and empty compared to twenty-nine? She really was selfish, wasn’t she? Just when she thought he might feel the same about her selfishness, he was laughing which only made her more confused. As he continued to speak, she resisted the urge to shake her head at him. What had she really done that was so great? She’d come here tonight and stirred up his past based off the assumption that the events were recent. She’d pushed him over and over again without realizing what she was doing. She was making a mess of everything, yet he sat here telling her that she’d done more for him than she realized. A soft sigh escaped her. Was he really so blind to the darkness that followed her, swallowing up everything she touched, turning beauty into ugliness?
“You have made me smile and laugh more than I ever have before, I think…You make me feel things when I thought I never wanted to… Both emotionally… And physically.” The words encouraged a nervous laugh to escape her as she smiled, leaning into his touch slightly as her gaze fell away from him again. She did shake her head then, a gesture that was almost unnoticeable. All the same sentiments she’d said, he seemed to repeat in his own way, as if he were telling her that she were not alone in what she felt and thought. It should have brought her relief, but instead, it only made her heart ache and her stomach turn unpleasantly. He was much too good to feel such terrible things.. He deserved the world and it made her sad that he hadn’t received it.
It was when he admitted to being broken too that her eyes met his again. There was a short silence between them and her mind raced through everything he was telling her before both of his hands were on her face. Her mind quieted and she could just focus and listen to him as he continued his piece. Those following words, however, had her holding her breath as she stared at him with a soft expression, perhaps even letting him see just how much she had begun to care about him. Then he was leaning closer, brushing his lips against hers, causing her to release a sigh as those words passed his lips. Slowly, that fire she’d tried to put out began to grow again, only this time, she had no way of snuffing it again.
He was pulling away again, giving her only a moment to try to bury the flames that threatened to consume her again. Her heart was already beating rapidly in her chest, though she wasn’t sure why. Her head began to shake again at his words. He was neither cold nor heartless. How could he think such things about himself? Did he not see the way she smiled with him, the way her face lit up when he so much as smiled at her? But then, it was likely that he didn’t yet see how much happier she seemed to be in his presence, all things considered. Even with the turmoil that the two of them seemed to face, it somehow felt better than feeling nothing at all, even if that’s what she may have preferred. Not for the fact that feeling nothing would be better, but for the fact that feeling nothing was easier to deal with and manage than feeling everything she did with him. But how did she tell him that and still make sense?
“You’ve made me feel like maybe I do actually have a heart, after all..." Her head tilted at those words, the smallest hint of a smile pulling up the corners of her lips. "You have certainly made it race on several occasions this evening...Reminding me it's in there.” Her smile widened and she nodded her head at him, silently agreeing that he had managed to get her heart pumping wildly on more than one occasion. She could still feel how much her chest had hurt thanks to her racing heart at the ball when they’d kissed the first time. While it had never been quite so bad after that, it wasn’t much easier to handle either.
She returned the gentle squeeze of her hands, brown eyes watching him carefully as he averted his gaze to their hands, smiling as he did so. She couldn’t help but smile along with him. “You’re terrified that this is going to hurt… But what if it doesn’t?” She shrugged in tandem with him, letting her face fall to their hands as he looked back up at her. Sure, it might not.. But wasn’t the possibly higher that it would? This was only their third encounter, but she knew that it would hurt even now.. Still, she put the thought aside and listened as he continued on.
His usual cocky smirk had returned as a kiss was placed to her knuckles. She eyed him curiously as his words became more spread apart and shorter. She felt her racing heart skip a beat when he leaned towards her, a hand going to her face. She closed her eyes against his tough, releasing a slow breath as if that alone could calm her nerves. His lips were brushing hers, then, and her breath immediately became slow and shallow, her eyes closing, brows furrowing in the confusion of the multitude of things she felt in that instant. How could she fear and crave something so intensely at the same time? How did he make her want to melt and fall deeper into him without even trying?
She swallowed against the desire that rose in her throat at his slow words, his lips remaining closed to hers before a soft kiss was placed against them. She’d felt herself shudder then stiffen, as if she were trying to hold herself back when he spoke against her lips, the final words that broke through every defense she set up; that added kindling to the small flame that flickered inside herself.
Breathlessly, she whispered against his lips. “How is it we are so unaware of how alike we truly are?” She breathed a laugh. “There is so much I could say to you right now, but none of it feels right to say.” She pulled away to look at him briefly, dark eyes soft as they met his and she smiled. “Perhaps words simply cannot do what I want to say justice.” She told him, a hand going to his cheek as her gaze fell to his lips. “So I suppose the best way to say all the things on my heart would be to follow your advice - to give in to this and see what happens.” The words were whispered into the space with a nervous smirk and there was the briefest of a pause before she let her lips crash into his with a kiss of renewed hunger and lust.
There was no easy progression into their kiss this time. Every ounce of desire she felt poured out instantly, her body pressing into his as her arms moved to wrap around his shoulders, pulling him into her. She already felt breathless, already felt herself shaking with the amount of longing she held for him. Everything she could say, everything she felt melted into that kiss. Her fear, her lust, the happiness he unknowingly brought her despite saying he didn’t know what happiness was - the way she was falling deeper and deeper for him and how she couldn’t stop herself.
Small hands trailed down his body, one of them lingering at the collar of his shirt where her fingertips moved lightly along his neck and collarbone. Then, only when she was sure that he was not uncomfortable with her sudden closeness and the intensity of her kiss did she allow her lips to trail down his jaw to his neck, where she kissed much more softly, nearly cautious; hesitant. Moving to his ear, she let her lips brush against his skin before she was whispering. “I’m sorry.” She breathed a laugh as the apology slipped off her tongue. She wasn’t entirely sure which part he’d suggested they give in to, whether it was just this in a general sense, or the desire that burned between them like a hundred suns. Either way, she felt the need to apologize as she hesitated, not sure just how far she should push him before it was considered too far and she was shoving him past his limits. She didn’t want to bring him any discomfort, even as her lips continued to move softly along his neck before finding his lips again, her kiss much softer now, though it still did not lack any of the desire she felt. Her entire body felt hot, her heart beating wildly against her chest. She almost wasn’t sure if she could control herself for much longer. Not after the things that had been said, not after everything that had already almost happened tonight. Her entire body practically begged for her to move things further, but she knew better. She wouldn’t dare do what Audra had done, not in a million years. Still, it didn’t stop her imagination from running wild. Just the thought of being pressed between him and his bedsheets seemed to cause ecstasy to consume her.
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Soleil
29
Single
Lieutenant of the Tresterian Army : Cavalry
Tier 2 Character
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Post by Nathaniel Starke on Oct 26, 2020 0:06:41 GMT -5
Nathaniel couldn’t tell if Alice was buying anything he was saying, if she believed him, or if he was even getting through to her. She was closing in on herself and trying to push him away now, despite everything she had said to and told him. Did she mean the words she spoke then? Would she give up on him a lot easier than she claimed she would? Would she truly stay and fight to be in his life? Although he wanted desperately to believe that, he found himself feeling doubtful. Not because of Alice, but because no one stayed and fought for him. He wasn't worth it.
But the more he said to her, the more she smiled or shook her head in disagreement to the negative words he said about himself, the way she looked at him as if she cared, it gave him that sense of hope that she was listening to what he had to say and that he was getting through to her and pulling her back in. How strange it was for him to do so when he typically would have given up or further pushed away. It would have been easier. But he didn’t want to, and he honestly didn’t know how Alice had such this effect on him.
Alice’s whole demeanor seemingly changed as he attempted to spark the flames between them again, even though his mind screamed at him not to. This was so unlike him that he almost felt like someone else had taken over his mind and body and was controlling his every move. Maybe it was because he felt all of these things for her... He was realizing just how much Alice did for him in the short time they had known one another, and he felt strangely connected to her like there was something between them that was...meant to be. Was that even possible? He noticed her breathing became slow and shallow, indicating that he may have succeeded in reigniting that fire that existed between them. But then she shuddered against him and stiffened, and so he hesitated as he lingered there close to her, wondering if she would continue to push him away. Would she argue everything he had just told her and insisted that he was wrong? That he was a fool? That he shouldn't feel the way he did?
But when she spoke against his lips, questioning how they were so unaware of how alike they were, he smiled and let out a small laugh softly as he nodded in agreement. It seemed that they were alike in a lot of ways, despite both of them trying to hide from one another. Was it completely useless that they were trying to hide from one another when it was clearly obvious that they shared a lot of the same experiences and feelings at the moment. Even still, he didn’t want her to know of his past- he didn't want the pity or for anyone to feel bad for him- especially Alice. There was no changing what had happened and the pity would only make him feel worse about it all. Even though she had her own difficulties in her past and that she might understand, he didn't want to share his burdens. He imagined that if Alice knew, however, she'd understand why he pushed people away, why he was the way he was, why he struggled with this, and why he thought so badly of himself.
When she pulled away from him, his brown eyes searched hers and when he saw her smile, it prompted one of his own. “Perhaps words simply cannot do what I want to say justice.” Nathaniel wasn’t sure why, but those words caused his heart to suddenly skip a beat and his breath caught in his throat. Alice’s gaze moved to his lips and her hand rested against his cheek, and it only confirmed to him why her words were suddenly beginning to make him feel nervous.
“So I suppose the best way to say all the things on my heart would be to follow your advice - to give in to this and see what happens.” When Nathaniel had spoken those words, he knew they held two different meanings. Maybe. Did he? He, at first, meant that he felt they should just stop trying to push each other away and allow one another to pursue a relationship and see how things developed between them. But as he delivered the advice, it came across in a way that he was insinuating giving in to their desires at the moment. And maybe he did mean that too. He wanted to mean both.
Before he could respond, Alice was kissing him with the same intensity that once came between them earlier in the night, as if nothing had happened from that moment until this one- and that there had never been any sort of setback between them. And he felt everything she poured into the kiss. All the unspoken words that she felt she couldn’t speak to him, the desire and longing she felt, that he was quickly realizing how he felt just as strongly for her. So he returned her kiss with just as much emotion and desire, speaking his own unspoken words back to her in the kiss they shared. He wanted to tell her everything- everything he had experienced, how his life had been complete hell, and that she had become this glimmer of light in the darkness that surrounded him. He felt that he was the one who didn’t deserve any of this- he was only supposed to feel pain, and maybe he conveyed that too in his kiss to her. He let his loneliness and the longing for all of this to be spoken by his kiss. He pulled Alice closer to him, wrapping his arms around her tightly, his hands gently pressing into the middle of her back.
He felt her hands on him, trailing down his body, along his neck and collarbone, and it instantly caused him to tense up underneath them. He inhaled a staggered, nervous breath through his nose to try and steady himself, to focus on something else- the way Alice’s lips felt pressed against his- the gentleness of her touch and that she meant him no harm, he slowly allowed himself to relax. Until her lips moved to his neck. He instinctively tilted his head slightly and released slow, steadying breaths out his nose. His body tensed up again, but only for a moment before the fiery warmth spread through him and the pleasure of her lips against his skin took hold over the panic. He sighed a another staggered breath quietly through slightly parted lips. But her kiss and then her breath at his ear caused him to shudder against her.
Her apology suddenly ripped him back to reality and his brows furrowed in confusion. “Sorry?” He repeated the word, though at the same time he was questioning her for it. What was she sorry about? For trying to push him away? For saying or doing something that she thought had upset him? Or for kissing him the way she just had? “You have…” But her kisses on his neck were beginning to distract him from getting the words out. He let out a quiet groan that vibrated in his chest and he inhaled another staggered breath. “...nothing to be sorry for.”
Alice was kissing him again, and his hands instantly moved to her face, deepening their kiss and pulling her closer to him. He sighed out his nose and into their kiss. He felt like his entire body was engulfed in the flames that they seemingly sparked heavily between them, and he felt that desire and lust for Alice return. Did he need to take his own advice and somehow find the courage to…give in?
His chest hurt with how badly his heart pounded as his mind began to think of things that he never dared to before. His imagination beginning to run wildly, making him want to, so badly, give in to his desires and to forget and push aside all of his fears. Would it be that easy for him, or was his mind playing tricks on him right now? Give in to this. To each other… he had told her. To see what happens. Nathaniel let out a low growled moan before he quickly pulled away from their kiss. He didn’t hesitate, then, because he knew that if he did, it would give his mind a chance to catch up and tell him to stop. He pushed back the dizziness that suddenly consumed him as he stood up without any sort of warning, the blood rushing to his head after sitting for so long. He reached for Alice’s hand and gently pulled her up to her feet, steadying her as he looked into her eyes, his gaze intense and filled with a strong desire. His breath was heavily escaping his nose and he stared at her as if waiting for her to tell him to stop (despite her probably having no idea why he was suddenly standing). The moment didn't last long, however, and without saying a word, or waiting for her to say something, he lead Alice out of the room and down the hallway. What was he even doing? Was he truly going to go through with this? Or would he allow his fears to suddenly take over when they’d least expect it? He wasn’t entirely sure what would happen, but he had told her...they should see what happens, and maybe that was what pushed him through.
When they reached the bottom of the stairs, he turned and looked at her again, his eyes stared at her intensely again, silently asking her if she wanted this… If she truly wanted to go up those stairs with him and deal with whatever was to come after. But after seeing that same look of desire in her own eyes, he already knew her answer. Nathaniel pulled her back into his arms and kissed her deeply, filled with a passionate and desperate fervor. He lifted her off the floor, urging her legs to wrap around his waist before he carefully carried her up the stairs, never breaking free from their kiss. As they reached the top, Nathaniel found the wall across the way and gently pressed Alice's back against it, kissing her harder and faster, his breath becoming heavy and desperate. He didn’t linger there for too long, however, and while he still didn’t break from their kiss, he used one of his hands to guide them down the hallway as he felt for what eventually became a door.
His hand moved around the doorknob and he hesitated for a brief moment as he continued to kiss Alice against the door. Was this insane? They had only just met. But Alice had admitted she would not regret this and he knew that if he could actually manage to somehow go through with it, then he wouldn’t regret it either. Would he be able to go through with it? It seemed to be the question that kept lingering in the back of his mind any chance that it could.
Nathaniel slowly opened the door and stepped into his room before quickly shutting it behind them. He pressed Alice up against the door with his own body, one of his hands moving to her outer thigh, urging her leg to drop down from his waist so he could set her back down on her feet, all the while kissing her with that continued passion. He placed his hands beside both sides of her head before he slowly pulled his lips from hers and moved them to her collarbone. He trailed his lips against it slowly before he moved up her neck and to her ear. His voice was low and husky as he breathlessly whispered against her skin. “Is this okay?” Despite all the signals Alice had given him and the look that displayed in her eyes, he still felt the need to ask. The last thing he wanted to do was force her into something she truly didn't want- or to disrespect her in any sort of way. Whether it was more for her sake, or his- maybe even both, he needed to ask. Maybe he just needed her assurance that he would be okay and there was nothing for him to worry about. He slowly pulled away from her, his hands remaining against the door, but his arms extended, holding himself up and away enough to look her in the eyes as he searched them desperately.
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Lux
22
Recently Divorced
Lady in waiting/Spy
Tier 2 Character
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Post by Alice Calder on Oct 27, 2020 21:49:33 GMT -5
While she hadn’t ceased when Nathaniel tensed beneath her touch, she had allowed herself to be even more cautious than before, her touch becoming softer. But then he was relaxing before tilting his head as her lips moved down his neck. He’d again tensed up, but the staggered breath followed by the shudder - which wasn’t accompanied by him pulling away - was indication enough that he wasn’t too uncomfortable.. Yet. She wanted nothing more than to get lost in him but kept herself forcibly in the present, focusing on his actions and reactions to let her know when she’d gone too far.
Perhaps that’s why she was a bit surprised that he questioned her apology. Though, to be truthful, she hadn’t been very clear about why she was apologizing. Perhaps even she wasn’t entirely sure why the words had slipped off her lips. Maybe she was sorry for pushing him away, for feeling like she was pushing him too far in the heat of the moment now.. For coming here tonight and causing him so much grief. But before she could say anything else, he was speaking, his words broken by the quiet groan that had her sighing against her skin in near desperation. Then he was deepening their kiss and she did let herself get lost in him. How could she not when he kissed her back with matched intensity?
He growled another moan and Alice sighed her desperation for him against his lips before he was suddenly standing, leaving her feeling breathless and confused. A concerned gaze came to rest on his face before he was reaching his hand out towards her. She hesitated, though it wasn’t from fear. Then, her hand was sliding gently into his as she stood and he steadied her. She was thankful for that, having not realized how weak her legs felt now. She stared back into his dark eyes, searching his face as if his expression could give an answer to her silent confusion. But wordlessly, he was leading her out of the room by her hand until they reached the staircase. It was then that she felt her nervousness rise, her heart beating wildly in her chest. However, it all seemed to fall away when he turned to look at her again, meeting the desire that danced in her own eyes; it made her breath catch in her throat.
Without warning, he was wrapping her in his arms again, kissing her with a passion that she returned with the same intensity. It was the moment he lifted her again, urging her legs around his waist that a soft moan escaped her against his kiss. Her arms came to wrap around his shoulders, holding herself tightly against him as he carried her up the stairs, never breaking their kiss as he did so. She hadn’t even realized they’d reached the top of the stairs until she was pressed between his body and the wall. He was kissing her harder and faster, his breath coming escaping him loudly. The moan that rumbled from her chest was louder now, voicing her lust audibly between them before he was moving again.
A hand moved to curl into his hair as she felt her entire body begin to be set ablaze by the uncontrollable desire that now consumed her. The other hand had already moved down where fingertips trailed along the collar of his shirt, though she seemed to hesitate to go further. She wanted so badly to feel his bare skin beneath her soft hands, to feel all of him again her.
She didn’t realize that they’d entered another room, nor did she realize that the closed door was now what pinned her against his strong body. All she knew was that the touch to her thigh sent a jolt of electricity through her, urging her to bite his bottom lip gently before her feet were on the floor again. His hands were no longer on her body, but the heat that burned between them was unmistakable, even as he pulled his lips from hers, her eyes remaining closed for a few moments longer as she focused on catching her breath that came in shallow gasps. Her brown eyes had barely fluttered open before she felt his lips against her collarbone, the sensation sending chills down her entire body as she shuddered, inhaling a sharp breath, both hands going to his face as if she could hold him there forever, though her touch was light, allowing him the freedom to step away if he needed to - or if she needed him too. But she knew she wouldn’t. She couldn’t bear to be torn away from him now..
His kiss came to her neck again, and her eyes closed against the sensation as she groaned lightly against his ear just before he was at her ear, asking if this was okay. All she could manage was a nod as she bit her lip before she realized that perhaps he couldn’t see her nodding in the dark of the room. “Yes..” The word was whispered as he pushed against the door to look at her, nearly searching her eyes. She lifted a hand to wrap around the back of his neck, pulling him closer to her again. Her heart was still beating hard against her chest and she found it difficult to breathe normally. Her lips brushed against his, kissing them gently before she spoke. “Is this okay for you?” She whispered before placing another kiss against his lips as one hand began to trail down his torso, stopping at his stomach where a desperate whimper escaped her as her hand balled into a first around the fabric of his shirt. “Nathaniel..” She sighed her desire against his lips, knowing exactly what she was doing in that moment as a cocky smirk pulled up the corners of her mouth.
Her push was light, then, as she stepped against his body, arching her back slightly so that every part of him touched her. She was kissing him slowly then, even though it was explicitly clear by the way her lips moved against his just what she wanted.
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Soleil
29
Single
Lieutenant of the Tresterian Army : Cavalry
Tier 2 Character
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Post by Nathaniel Starke on Oct 28, 2020 12:52:08 GMT -5
Somehow, Nathaniel had become hopelessly consumed by his desire for Alice and how she managed to captivate him. She had quieted his thoughts and replaced them with only her, the way she was making him feel, and the desire that possessed him despite every effort he made to try and fight against it. Her soft moans and breaths, the way she bit his bottom lip and shuddered against him, only fueled the fire that was burning desperately inside of him. It was frightening to him that he had allowed things to get this far with her, without understanding how or why. She had some kind of hold on him and he couldn’t quite grasp the concept and reason behind their sudden affections. Compatibility? Their likeness? The strong tension that formed between them? How he felt strangely connected to her? Maybe it was all of those things, he really wasn’t sure. But he couldn’t deny the strong feelings he was developing for Alice and the longingness he felt to feel something other than pain. To allow it for once. To push aside his fears and become completely absorbed at this moment with her.
His bedroom was dark aside from the moonlight that shined through the windows and the door that led out to the small balcony, casting shadows across the room and providing just enough light to make out each other’s faces and the shapes of the furniture and items that hung on the wall. It was enough to ease some of Nathaniel’s anxiety surrounding his insecurities.
He had seen Alice’s nod, but hearing that word whispered from her lips nearly sent chills and electricity through his entire body. There was a very small part of him that had hoped she said no and that she would put an end to this- he was so afraid of his fears taking over and humiliating him in front of her. But the strong desire he felt for her wanted this, wanted to hear her say yes and he hoped it would be enough for him to push through the panic and fear- to keep his mind in the present and on her.
Alice was placing a hand to the back of his neck, pulling him back to her and kissing him gently before speaking against his lips, repeating his question but to ask him instead. He kissed her back a few times, humming a consenting ‘Mmm’ sound into her lips. Was it okay for him? He so badly wanted it to be. Would it be ok for him? He wasn’t certain if it would be. But he supposed they would see what would happen.
He felt one of her hands trailed down his torso, causing his muscles to tense briefly under her touch. He kept his eyes closed as their lips continuously touched with short quickened kisses. His breath was heavier as it escaped his nose, causing his chest to visibly rise and fall. His heart raced and he felt electricity shoot through him again as that desperate whimper escaped her and she grabbed hold of his shirt, causing it to slightly become untucked from his pants. When she whispered his name and sighed against his lips, his eyes slowly opened and he stared down at her, though he didn’t move to pull away from her. “Alice?” He whispered, questioning her against her lips. He could almost feel and hear the smirk that pulled at the corners of her mouth and he smiled slightly. Did she know how badly she was tempting and testing him?
As Alice stepped against him, arching her back to press her entire body into him, he removed one of his hands from the door to wrap an arm around the part of her back that was arched and pulled her closer against him, pulling her hips into his, before his other hand moved to the back of her neck. He groaned into their kiss as he felt her body pressed into his, making him want more of her- his resolve quickly becoming undone as he felt himself slip away, becoming lost in her. There was no longer any doubt in his mind that this was what Alice truly wanted, he could feel it radiating from her slow kiss.
Nathaniel pulled her away from the door and against him, spinning around so that his back was to the door now, though he did not lean against it. Instead, he urged her backward, slowly guiding her in her steps to prevent her from falling. He stopped as they were in the center of the room, the light of the moon shining a beam across them, making it slightly easier to see. One of his hands moved to her hip, feeling the dagger at her belt. He carefully unhooked it and held it in his hand, a small smirk causing their lips to part from one another for a moment, and he spoke quietly and with a playful tone, “just in case?” He had no idea how capable she was with using it, but part of him felt relieved that she carried it on her. In case. Carefully, he set the dagger down on a nearby table before his hand returned to her waist where he slowly pulled at her shirt, untucking the rest of it. His calloused hands moved up her shirt, then, one to her back, the other at her ribs where his thumb gently brushed against her soft skin. He made no other movement just yet, as he wanted to savor this quiet moment, feeling her skin beneath his hands. His breath was slow, yet hardened as he breathed out his nose, eyes intensely staring at her.
For a moment, it may have seemed as if he were hesitating on going any further as if he were coming to his senses and realizing just how crazy this was. They barely knew each other and were about to completely give themselves to one another. It was crazy, right? But he couldn’t deny how close he felt to her in the moment- not just in the physical sense, but everything else. After a moment, he pulled his hand at her back away and out of her shirt, bringing it to her shoulder where he slowly pushed the fabric away to expose her skin and he lightly kissed her there, breathing in the scent that lingered on Alice’s skin, which only seemed to draw him into her further. His lips gently trailed the curve of her shoulder and to her neck before he found her lips again. He placed his hand on her face as he kissed her deeply. His other hand dared to move further up her ribs before he lightly grazed her breast but didn’t stop as his hand continued up until it was at her shoulder where he grabbed at the fabric to pull it upward. His other hand moved from her face to assist in gathering her shirt and gently pulling it off of her before tossing it behind him somewhere.
Nathaniel took a moment, then, to look her over admiringly, swallowing his nervousness down. He wanted to say something to break up the silence, but he couldn’t quiet the thoughts that raced through his mind to allow himself to come up with anything. He at first thought to tell her that she looked hideous, in an attempt to bring back some of that banter from the ball, but it didn’t seem right to him. She was far from hideous. He pulled her closer to him and wrapped his arms around her, burying his face into the curve of her neck and shoulder, kissing her skin again before he whispered against it. “You are so beautiful... And I believe it is I who does not deserve you. Or any of this...” He lifted his face from her and returned his gaze to her, his hands pressed against her back as he moved his arms around her. He wanted to tell her how he had only known pain and hardship for most of his life- that he didn’t deserve to be happy or feel any kind of pleasure. But he couldn’t bring himself to say anything else at that moment. Maybe his eyes said it for him. Was he really trying to push her away again now?
He shook his head and moved one of his hands to touch her face again as he looked into her eyes. "But you’re going to disagree with me and we’ll go back and forth on that all night, and I’d rather spend the time…” He leaned forward and kissed her lips softly before he spoke against them, “giving you what you deserve.” The tone of his voice, perhaps insinuating that he had more intention to please her rather than getting the reciprocation. It might save him from the humiliation if he couldn't go through with everything. His reservations and worries were beginning to creep back into his mind, pulling him away from Alice and the moment.
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