Soleil
29
Single
Lieutenant of the Tresterian Army : Cavalry
Tier 2 Character
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Post by Nathaniel Starke on Sept 30, 2020 1:35:52 GMT -5
Nathaniel was much like Alice when it came to having a desire to be loved by someone. He had come across several chances, but almost instinctively, managed to push them all away. Maybe there was something horribly wrong with him. And despite him trying to warn Alice; telling her that he wasn’t worth her concerns. That he was a bad man and she shouldn’t get involved with him- here she still stood, arguing with him. For whatever reason, Nathaniel felt appreciative that she was. He felt hopeful that she would continue to do so, and he hadn’t the slightest idea why those thoughts were crossing his mind.
He listened to her try to explain how she expected him to react- that she hadn’t fully thought things through and just reacted instead. Clearly- and his expression said that very word without him needing to say it. Alice was drawing in on herself once again, and it made his heart sink. Alice had come across as such a strong woman and like very little bothered her- yet here she was standing in front of him, allowing him to see her vulnerable and upset. Despite everything, he couldn’t help but admire her at that moment. He appreciated her willingness to allow him to see that piece of her, even though they barely knew one another. It was curious to him, really, why she would.
“What’s done is done, right?” Unfortunately. But his gaze softened as he looked back at her, and he simply nodded. There was no turning back from what had just unfolded between them. Alice knew less favorable things about him and even though they weren’t his fault, he still couldn’t help but feel guilty or wrong about them. Deep down, it had sort of been his fault, really. Why did he have to struggle so badly with his past? Why did it constantly resurface and ruin everything for him? Why was he still, after all these years, paying for things he never wanted or asked for? Was life really that cruel?
Her voice pulled him from his thoughts, that venomous tone behind her words took him a bit by surprise and he stared at her, brows lowering as he regarded her, a bit taken aback-especially that her response was in context with him asking why she would have taken a chance after hearing that he could have been the rapist he had been accused of. He was rendered speechless, his lips parting slightly as he tried to gather his thoughts- they were swirling around his head as he tried to settle them to interpret what she had just said. He didn’t want to assume- but he couldn’t help but wonder if here Alice was, telling him that she had once dealt with a rapist before. Brown eyes looked back at her curiously and filled with that concern he showed her the night of the ball. But she was already speaking before he could say anything.
“Don’t forget that I’m still a stranger to you, too..” He continued to glance at her with that concerned softness in his eyes. “I know…” He said quietly. They both knew so little about one another, aside from what they’ve shared, and Alice had given him various, but subtle hints, that she did not have an easy life either. It made his stomach twist because he strangely felt protective of Alice and didn’t wish to hear that anyone had ever harmed her. He couldn’t help but wonder if she knew the things he had been through if she would be standing here still. Nathaniel felt no one would want to deal with the demons that ran through his mind every day. He didn’t wish to deal with them- so how could anyone else? He sighed quietly and decided, for the moment, to push aside the conversation. The words Alice had just spoken seemed to surprise her for escaping her and he wondered if she meant to blurt them out. He didn’t wish to push her to tell him things she wasn’t ready to- even though she had sort of done that to him, hadn’t she? So, instead, he tried to lighten the mood- slightly. He raised a hand to cover his mouth, his pointer finger resting just below his nose as he tried to hide the smirk that was forming on his lips. Once he could put a straight face back on, he lowered his hand and tilted his head as he regarded her. But even though he tried to keep a straight face, that smirk appeared ever so slightly as he spoke. “Either you are telling me that you have your own issues and I’m not the only one with deep dark secrets… Or you are telling me that I should be scared of you since you are still a stranger to me, too?” He regarded her for a moment and shook his head, his smile lingering for a while longer before it slowly faded and he looked at her a little more seriously, deciding to let her in on a rather vague secret. “Like you, there isn’t much I fear anymore, Alice... Not with all of the evil I’ve seen, felt, and have heard about in this world…” He’d allow her to interpret that as she wished. He was a military man and with the tone of his words, is almost sounded as if he were just saying he had seen and experienced a lot due to his career. Any military man might say something similar.
Nathaniel laughed at her as she gave him that doubtful look and denied his statement of her being more interested in him than he was of her. “Perhaps…” He grinned slightly, shrugging his shoulders with a nonchalance. “I am quite interested in you… And I would have sought you out sooner… But there was a lot that…” He paused, hesitating slightly before he finished his statement. “...Got in my way. Unfortunately.” Work? things around the manor? Having to return to military island for a few days? Training? All of the above- yes. But mostly, his own mind got in the way.
Just as Alice’s mind wandered to the doubt and malicious thoughts that plagued her, so did his. None of this made any sense to him. Alice seemed to reel him in whether he wanted her to or not. There was something about her and the way she looked at him that made him feel so weak. It made him want more of her and made him want to do nothing but do everything in his power to keep that beautiful smile of hers on her face. Sure, he had felt things for other women in his life, but it had been easier to push them out of his mind and try to forget about them. But this- But Alice… it confused him to no end. It scared him, made him feel horribly guilty, and selfish. He did not want to hurt Alice - as he had surely done with other women before. He allowed himself to grow numb, heartless, emotionless, and uncaring as he pushed them away. It made it easier for them to want to leave him. He knew he should not get involved with anyone because of this because deep down he knew he was supposed to live a life of loneliness. He wasn’t allowed to be happy- not with everything that plagued him. Yet, he craved that feeling of love, of adoration, and companionship. He wanted to feel something other than pain- even though he doubted with every breath he took, that it would never be possible. It was horribly selfish of him to string these women along into thinking that they could possibly have a future with him. Nathaniel didn’t know why he continued to do this and he knew he needed to stop.
But he couldn’t seem to pull away from her- to stop himself as he drew her closer to him and kissed her. His own emotions pouring into that kiss. His own apology for the way he had reacted towards her when he knew very well she had only wanted to help him. For the way, he tried to push her away. For the future of whatever happened between them, and the hurt he might cause her. He cared for her. Already, which made all of this so much more difficult. And yet, he threw that into their kiss, allowing her to feel all of it. That he had thought of her often, too. That he had missed her. That he wanted to be part of her life and wanted her in his. Reality came rushing back to him as she pulled away from the kiss and she held his chin, urging him to keep his gaze on hers. He opened his eyes and looked into hers, that same look he had given her at the ball, of desire, showed in his eyes as he tried to regain his breath.
“That’s going to do the opposite of making me want to leave.” He smirked and tilted his head as he looked at her curiously, studying her. He may have been staring at her, even, as he tried to think of what to say to that. Was she on to him already? Or had he really told her to leave? Regardless- he wondered if she were trying to call his bluff. He sighed slowly, almost exaggerating and he shook his head, his hand remained on her face and he lightly brushed his thumb against her cheek. His expression slowly changed to a more serious one, the tone of his voice setting aside that joking lightness as if he wanted to hear his words for what they were, “Something tells me you won’t be very easy to get rid of...”
Nathaniel stared into her eyes again, his finger still brushing along her face. Part of him wanted to kiss her again, to pull her into his embrace and hold her there for the rest of the night. But he remained still, searching her eyes until he lowered his hand from her face and took her hand into his. He held it there for a moment, his gaze finally lowering as he lifted her hand to his lips and pressed them to her knuckles. “I’m sorry. For everything.” He lowered her hand but did not let go, his eyes finding hers again and he shook his head. “I know you tell me not to apologize- but I feel like I need to. For reacting as I had… For Audra bothering you like that… For throwing all of this at you. You didn’t deserve any of it and none of it was fair to you. But…” He paused and looked down for the briefest of moments. “Thank you.” He looked back at her, the corners of his lips twitching only slightly. “For giving me a chance…For believing me...”
He raised a brow as he let his gaze drop down to their hands again. He decided to keep his focus there as he felt vulnerable again, that look of hurt appearing on his features as she probably imagined he had been through quite a lot when no one had believed him with Audra’s accusations. He brushed his thumb against her hand before intertwining their fingers. He finally looked at her again and smiled slightly. “Even though I am a hideous man. Inside and out...” His tone was a bit playful as he spoke his words, hinting at their banter from the ball again.
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Lux
22
Recently Divorced
Lady in waiting/Spy
Tier 2 Character
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Post by Alice Calder on Oct 1, 2020 20:17:25 GMT -5
She wasn’t willingly letting him see this side of her. She didn’t let anyone see this side of her - the side that was uncertain and insecure. She was not supposed to feel those things. Alice had been raised to be a strong woman. On many levels, she was strong. But she never felt strong enough. After her marriage, nothing about herself was.. enough. It was always at the back of her mind, but she’d learned well how to tune it out entirely. She could fool herself with her own facade. It had worked for a while, too. But self-doubt always finds a way to plant its seeds, even in the strongest of minds.
That look of confusion and concern on his face caused her anxiety to rise. She didn’t want him to even look concerned for her. That meant he might ask questions and she didn’t want to answer any questions. It would only make things worse - she was tired of things getting worse. That made her all the more relieved when he muttered a soft ‘I know’ instead of pressing the matter.
The truth was, Alice did have an easy life. Up until she'd met Darion, her life had been peachy. For eighteen years, she didn’t really experience bad things. She wasn’t a sheltered child, by any means. She simply never lost a loved one, never went through a break-up, never had to struggle. Every bad thing that happened to her, that opened her eyes to how cruel the world truly was, happened over a span of two years. So maybe she still had an easy life. She lived in a palace with the Queen, both of her siblings and her parents were happy and healthy, she was of noble status and had a bright, successful future. But, as selfish as it made her feel, she still let the events of her marriage haunt her. Perhaps they always would.
She watched his little display with curious eyes before he spoke and while she chuckled, she also titled her head, shaking it lightly from side to side as if serious. “What if I’m telling you both?” She asked him, half-joking. Alice was an unsuspecting woman. She was small, blended in, and oftentimes quiet. But that’s exactly what made her so deadly. Then, he spoke much more seriously, causing the corners of her lips to be pulled up in a smirk, an eyebrow raising as she regarded him. “That makes two of us.” She shrugged. While she was being entirely serious, it was hard to tell by her casual tone.
Nathaniel laughed at her accusing him of wishful thinking and it brought a small smile to her lips. Listening as he spoke, she pressed her lips into a line, taking a single deep breath. “But there was a lot that… got in the way.” She chuckled. “I don’t need an explanation.” She stated simply. “While I’m relieved that the interest isn’t one-sided, I’m glad you didn’t seek me out.” She admitted, shrugging as she let her gaze fall to the fire briefly. “Part of me did want to see you,” She clarified. “But, I needed time... To think.” The words were said with a nod as if she were trying to convince herself more than him. Honestly, there would have never been enough time. Perhaps enough to (mostly) forget him, but never enough to feel at ease about him when he did inevitably cross her mind. One of her tactics for forgetting him had been to let it run its course. Eventually she’d either become bored with it or become desensitized to it, right?
She wasn’t at all a stranger to dating. Over the course of her short life, she'd had many potential suitors. But none of them had struck a chord. The few that actually made it to courting turned out to be little more than underwhelming. Darion had been truly special and Alice had loved him with all her heart. She’d been the exact opposite of the woman standing before Nathaniel. She was once more carefree, trusting and, despite how intelligent she always was - naive. She’d smiled more, been happier and emitted warmth. In two years, her husband had taken the best parts of her and destroyed them. After the divorce, Alice hadn’t bothered with the shattered remains. Yet, Nathaniel somehow seemed to breathe new life into all of her broken pieces. He struck a chord and was nothing short of overwhelming. He made her feel alive again.
His hand against her cheek was still definitely her favorite feeling. Again he was being serious and she laughed quietly at him. “It could be easier than you think.” Despite her smirk, she met his seriousness with her own. “I might be stubborn but I’d like to think I know where I’m not wanted.” She sighed, laughing softly as he stared at her. She leaned into his hand, giving him a playful look of ‘what?’ as he searched her face. His hand fell to hers, bringing her knuckles to his lips granting him a curious smile as he began to speak. As soon as the words were uttered, she nearly rolled her eyes. As he began to explain why he’d apologized, she smiled, huffing a laugh through her nose. His gaze fell away only to meet hers as he… thanked her? She tilted her head, giving him a curious look through soft eyes.
She wasn’t sure what to say to him in that instant, so she simply smiled. For the first time since she met him, she felt.. Well, it wasn’t quite calm, but it wasn’t as torturous as what she’d felt during the ball. His eyes met hers again and when he spoke up, Alice laughed. “Only on the outside.” She said with a playful smirk. “What you look like on the inside,” she pressed a small finger to his chest as she looked up at him, one arm still wrapped around his neck. “-isn’t determined by what happened to you. It’s determined by who you are as a person.” She searched his expression, hoping she was making sense. Both hands came to rest with her palms against his torso. “I think you’re lovely inside. But this-” She gestured up and down at him. “It could use some work.” She teased with a smirk. It was much easier to be like this with him.
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Soleil
29
Single
Lieutenant of the Tresterian Army : Cavalry
Tier 2 Character
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Post by Nathaniel Starke on Oct 1, 2020 23:47:18 GMT -5
Alice already knew something about him that he never spoke of. He wasn’t proud of the rumors that were held against him, even though they weren’t true- it was more the fact that it made him look bad. Someone could easily think that he had just gotten off easily and lied about the whole thing himself. He had fought it for almost a year, and while things had finally started to settle- it was now resurfacing because Audra couldn’t stand to see him with another woman? He honestly didn’t know what her reasoning had been to tell Alice, but he certainly didn’t appreciate it. It made him wonder how many others she was still telling.
Even though Alice claimed she did not believe Audra’s lies, he still felt uneasy about it- like he somehow had to prove himself worthy of her believing him. He needed to prove that he wasn’t the type of man that would ever dare to do such a thing. He had been a victim himself- something he would never tell anyone, even though it might make his case a lot easier. Still, being accused of doing something he was once a victim of- really messed with his mind. He breathed a small laugh out his nose and shook his head at her. If she was calling herself a potential threat to him, not that he was doubting her, but he found it somewhat amusing. He sighed and although his words were serious, a smirk remained on his face. “As frightening as you are… I would never want to anger you again...But,” He contemplated his next words carefully before he spoke them, “you could have come here planning your worst for me...And I’ve probably already seen or dealt with it before. Nothing surprises me anymore.” He shrugged his shoulders and pressed his lips together. Alice had agreed with him that she had seen a lot of evil in the world too, and he still couldn’t help but feel that twisting in his stomach. He didn’t want her to know the things he did or saw- he didn’t want anyone to.
Despite Alice stating she didn’t need an explanation, he still felt that he owed her one. One he knew he wouldn’t be able to give her. He wanted to forget her- to let her go. If they didn’t see each other again, it would make things easier for him in the end. And her. There would be no need to push away, no hurt involved. He raised a brow when she admitted that she didn’t want him to seek her out- that she didn’t want to see him. Strangely, her words made his heart sink, and he didn’t know why. Wasn’t he feeling the same exact way? “But I needed time to think.” His brown eyes looked at her curiously for a moment, before he spoke quietly, “To think? About what?” Nathaniel realized that maybe his question was walking a thin line- one he was unsure if Alice would want to answer. But then again, they had just started to become honest with one another about their feelings, hadn’t they?
Unlike Alice, there had never been a time that Nathaniel was happy and carefree- Even as a child. He had always been serious, quiet, and kept to himself. Most of it was due to his childhood, but it was hard for Nathaniel to ever see himself as anything else. Alice, however, seemed to make him smile a lot and somehow made him more hopeful than he’d ever been. It was overwhelming and confusing to him. He felt more alive whenever she was near him.
Nathaniel thought that Alice would be difficult to push away- mainly by how she had acted just now- not allowing for him to shut down as he was and she hadn’t listened to him when he suggested she leave. So many others would have simply walked away, not wanting to put up with his so-called bullshit as Alice had put it. “I might be stubborn but I’d like to think I know where I’m not wanted.” Despite her smirk and the laugh that escaped her, Nathaniel frowned slightly. He wanted to tell her that he would push her away. That he would do whatever he could to push her right out of his life- that if she wanted to stay with him, she couldn’t allow him to. But Nathaniel couldn’t bring himself to say any of these things. It was what he wanted, wasn’t it?
Alice’s expression was suddenly questioning him for why he was staring at her and he smiled softly and shook his head. “Nothing…I’m just…” He kept his gaze on her eyes as he tried to gather his thoughts, “you are beautiful,” he admitted quietly.
He watched as she rolled her eyes at his apology and only smiled in response. He didn’t blame her for not knowing what to say- the whole situation had been a mess and while he appreciated that she did not trust Audra, he still wished she hadn’t heard it from her.
Nathaniel tilted his head, looking at Alice curiously when she admitted he was only horrible on the outside. Brown eyes searched her again as she pressed her finger to his chest and spoke to him. His eyes found hers again and he smiled and nodded in response to her words of wisdom. A small laugh escaped him. “And who am I as a person?” His question was more rhetorical, knowing very well that Alice barely knew him enough to answer that question.
Her hands on his torso, though innocent, he couldn’t help the wave of emotions that suddenly shook through him. The pins and needles that traveled to his limbs and caused his heart to beat erratically. Her words, however, were enough to distract him slightly from those feelings and he gave her an uneasy smile at first until her words finally registered in his mind. He chuckled softly and lowered his brows as he looked at her curiously. “What do you suggest I do to remedy that? What is it I need to work on?” He smirked and lifted his hands to grab hold of hers, pulling them away from his chest as he took a step back from her, pulling her with him as he made his way back to the couch she had been sitting on earlier. He gently urged her to sit down, letting go of her hands before he sat with her. He didn’t look at her, but instead, leaned forward and poured the tea that sat on the table into two of the cups before lifting them and handing one to her.
Nathaniel looked at her with a curious and concerned expression again before he spoke. “You don’t have to stay if you feel it’s starting to get late. But, I wouldn’t mind keeping your company for a bit longer… And I can’t, with a good conscience, allow you to travel back on your own in the dark…” Maybe Alice would feel she didn’t need his protection, or maybe it was chauvinistic of him to think she needed it, but he cared. And despite the fact that Alice may have already dealt with some things, he wasn’t so willing to allow them to happen to her again.
After Alice agreed to stay, Nathaniel settled into his spot on the couch, turning himself slightly so that he was facing her at an angle. He took a long sip of his tea before leaning forward and placing it down on the table in front of them. “I was thinking that maybe we could continue our little game of asking each other questions? I like learning about you, and I like that you are honest with your answers.” He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “I’ll even start,” he suggested. And he would start out with an easy, innocent question. “What is your favorite color?”
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Lux
22
Recently Divorced
Lady in waiting/Spy
Tier 2 Character
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Post by Alice Calder on Oct 2, 2020 19:26:16 GMT -5
He seemed amused at her comment and she tilted her head at him when he spoke, mimicking his smirk. “As frightening as you are..” She gave him a slight roll of her eyes. He was indulging her, she was sure. Still, she listened as he spoke, shrugging his shoulders as his words concluded. She chuckled lightly. “You haven’t dealt with me before.” She challenged playfully. “And does this mean you weren’t surprised I showed up to your house tonight out of the blue? Because I feel like you were just a little surprised.” She brought her forefinger and thumb close together. Alice was done with the serious talk. She didn’t want their interaction to slip back into.. Whatever you could call their earlier confrontation. It was more content like this. Playful, but only now that she was behind her mask again.
He asked that question and she pressed her lips into a hard line. How did she know he was going to ask? A laugh was forced through her nose and she smiled a nervous smile. “Many things.” She shrugged, attempting to feign nonchalance. “Are you trying to indirectly ask me if I thought of you?” She questioned, tilting her head slightly as she smirked up at him. If she could misdirect his question with one of her own, she wouldn’t have to answer his question. Then again, he was a smart man and could probably figure that out. Still, she didn’t know if she didn’t try.
She may not have been able to see through him, but she could see through his words. How? They didn’t match his actions. He’d suggested she leave, yes, but he’d never made any effort to usher her towards the door nor had he become visibly upset when she didn’t follow his suggestion. She didn’t know what the future had in store for them, she didn’t know if she or him would eventually begin to push away. She had no way of knowing what was yet to happen. But if she could survive Darion, she could survive anything Nathaniel threw at her.
In response to her questioning gaze, Nathaniel offered her a compliment. Looking away briefly, she smiled before returning her brown eyes to his. Why had something so simple made her want to pull him into another kiss so badly. She swallowed her desires, lifting her chin to him slightly as she spoke. “You flatter me.” She replied with a soft chuckle.
He laughed then and she raised a brow at him as the question passed his lips. Certainly he didn’t expect a real answer, right? Alice pressed her lips into a hard line, her eyes falling away from him as she thought for a moment. It was only seconds later that her gaze returned to him. “That is for you to know and me to find out.” She said slowly with a nod as she smirked.
Despite the calm facade he wore, she could feel his heartbeat and it caused the slightest hint of a devious smirk to pull at the corners of her lips. She’d never had this effect on anyone before and she couldn’t help but wonder if his response was a good or bad thing. She thought back to Audra’s words briefly but quickly put it out of her mind, bringing her focus back to Nathaniel as she spoke and removed her hands from his torso, leading her back to the couch. She shrugged at him, giving him a mischievous expression. “I’m not sure there’s anything that can be done. I think it’s genetic.” She pretended to grimace before she laughed lightly. He handed her a cup of tea and she mumbled a thank you before taking a slow sip. “All joking aside, you need not do anything. You’re quite handsome.” A soft sigh escaped her as she smiled, her eyes focused on the cup she held.
When she looked up, she was met with that concerned expression of his. Before she could ask, he was already speaking and she couldn’t help but chuckle lightly. When he finished, she raised her brows, forcing a smile as she set her cup on the table. She turned her body so she faced him more. “Well, the night is still young.. And I certainly wouldn’t mind keeping you company.” She intertwined her hands as she spoke, letting them fall into her lap where she focused her gaze. “But I do not think it would be wise for you to escort me anywhere late at night.” She chuckled, shaking her head. While Alice could care less about her own reputation, she did care about Eleesa’s, and anything that reflected badly on Alice reflected bad on the Queen. Would a Lieutenant walking home a lady of the court look bad? She didn’t really know, but it wasn’t a chance she wanted to take.
He turned his body to better face her then and she listened to him speak, offering him a small smile. “How do you know that I am being honest?” She again challenged him playfully as he leaned forward on his elbows. Declaring he’d start the game, his first question was a simple one and she chuckled. She didn’t mind playing this game. “My favorite color is yellow.” She responded almost immediately. Most people didn’t expect yellow as her favorite color. She never wore it, nor did she have a single item in her possession that was yellow - aside from the flower crown Anemone had gifted her before the ball - but the color was warm and made her feel calm, perhaps even happy.
She looked at him as she considered her question for him. She was chuckling before it even passed her lips. “When is your birthday and how old are you?”
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Soleil
29
Single
Lieutenant of the Tresterian Army : Cavalry
Tier 2 Character
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Post by Nathaniel Starke on Oct 3, 2020 0:29:50 GMT -5
Nathaniel couldn’t help but grin and give her a curious glance as she claimed he hadn't dealt with her before. He hadn't just gotten a taste of that just moments ago? Or was Alice simply hinting that she could be way worse than she had given him (not that she was really all that bad). She was challenging him regarding being surprised at her showing up. He smirked and shrugged his shoulders, “it was a good kind of surprise.” He stated simply, as if there were a difference between that and the bad things that no longer surprised him in life. That is until she brought up Audra, which had also been a surprise of its own, not so much in a good way, but that was beside the point. He decided not to say anything else about it because he really didn’t want to go back to that place.
He was curious about what she would say, and if she would answer honestly. What did she need to think about? Did she think about him and whether or not she wished to see him again. She had told him that she hadn’t wanted to see him again- or she was trying not to. What had changed her mind? Many things. She said. And then she twisted the question back on him. He smirked and tilted his head, raising a brow, his expression nearly affirming that he was wondering it. “I thought of you,” he stated simply as if he wasn’t afraid to admit it to her, his smirk slightly fading to a more serious expression as he stared at her.
Nathaniel caught himself staring at her, her voice breaking his train of thought as she told him he flattered her. He offered a slight smile, “do I?” His tone was nonchalant as if he wasn’t trying to flatter her. He was only telling her the truth. He reached over towards her and brushed strands of her hair away from her face and tucked them behind her ear before dropping his hand.
“That is for you to know and me to find out.” He smiled and looked away from her briefly as he processed her words. He grinned and looked back at her, breathing a small laugh out his nose. “So… You’re saying you want to find out more about me, then?” He raised a brow, challenging her back, letting his gaze fall as he tried to hide the smirk that rose on his lips.
Alice couldn’t possibly know the things that ran through his mind- the fears he felt and the nervousness that ran through him as she touched him. Outwardly, he remained calm. But inwardly, he struggled to hide those emotions. His fast-beating heart betrayed him, and with her hands just over it, he was sure she would be able to feel it pounding in his chest. It was embarrassing, really, but he did all he could to keep his composure. And he was thankful when she answered his question and claimed there wasn’t anything he could do to make himself look better. He smirked and shook his head at her, knowing she was only joking, but it was clever. Nathaniel feigned offense and lowered his brows, “that’s not fair- you haven’t seen or met my family yet... I’ll have to tell my two sisters you said that. Might lose you some points.” He grinned and raised his brow challenging her to take back what she said.
But now it was her turn to flatter and compliment him on his looks. She thought he was quite handsome, and it garnered a smirk from him, causing him to look down, perhaps hinting at a bit of his self-consciousness. He almost preferred her telling him he was hideous- it was easier to respond to. He quickly looked back to her and breathed a small laugh out his nose, “now you are just trying to flatter me back.”
Part of him was relieved and happy when she agreed to stay and keep him company. He would have felt bad if she came here just to give him the bad news and have to leave on that note. It would be grounds for never seeing her again he was sure. Wait- did he really want to see her again? The realization hit him suddenly, causing his breath to catch in his throat, and he looked away from her to gain his composure as she spoke, suggesting that it wasn’t a good idea for him to escort her. He raised a brow and looked back at her with a serious and concerned expression. “You’re joking, right?” He searched her face for a moment and blinked a few times before he shook his head. “What kind of soldier would I be if I allowed a lady of the court to wander into the night alone?” There were so many bad things- bad people that could be lurking around, especially at night, and he’d not forgive himself if Alice had been harmed. He shook his head again, “at least to the castle gates.” He nodded his head affirming his words. He had no intention of making anything inappropriate. She was daring to even make the trip alone, to begin with, but he wasn’t going to say anything. He smiled faintly and sighed, “might give us a chance to take a stroll under the stars you so enjoy…”
“How do you know that I am being honest?” Nathaniel studied her for a moment, his eyes narrowing in playful thought before the corners of his lips twitched ever so slightly in the smallest smile. “Because I know the difference between honesty and lies,” he said seriously. He had gotten quite good at it actually and knew how to tell when someone was lying or being truthful. Alice leaned forward on her elbows and motioned for him to start the game. For some reason, he imagined her telling him her favorite color was red or a darker shaded color. He might have looked somewhat surprised when she answered yellow, but he smirked at the answer. Yellow was a bright and happy color, and strangely, it gave him a bit of insight into Alice- what that was exactly, he didn’t know.
At her next question, he grinned softly and breathed a small laugh out his nose, “Why? So you know how much older I am than you are? Is that a deal-breaker?” He looked her over, wondering himself how old she was and when her birthday was, but he wouldn’t choose that as his next question. He was maybe hoping she would disclose that in response to his own answer. “My birthday just passed actually, at the beginning of the month... December sixteenth. And I’m twenty-nine.”
He allowed a moment of silence to linger between them so he could think of his next question. Once he thought of it, he looked at her and smiled, “what is your favorite food?” His expression slightly giving away that he was digging for answers to maybe use on her in the future, if he was going to take her to dinner sometime, perhaps. Favorite color, check. Favorite food?
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Lux
22
Recently Divorced
Lady in waiting/Spy
Tier 2 Character
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Post by Alice Calder on Oct 3, 2020 21:36:14 GMT -5
A good kind of surprise? Given what had brought her here in the first place, she wasn’t so convinced. But if he said so, she’d take it at face value. She shrugged as if in loose agreement with his words but said nothing else on the matter. As the conversation dove into what she’d needed time to think about, she couldn’t help but chuckle at his expression as she removed the spotlight from herself. “I thought of you.” It was a casual statement, but Alice still found herself lifting a brow at him. “Is that so?” It was clear in her tone that her question was rhetorical. “Sometimes I thought of you, too.” Her statement was just as casual as she shrugged again, giving him a half-smile.
Each time he stared at her, she seemed to have to struggle to not get lost in his eyes - the very way he looked at her. Two simple words rolled off his tongue in a question and Alice tilted her head, pretending to be serious. “You do.” She said with a single, affirmative nod, the hint of a smirk along her lips. It was funny how at ease their banter put her. Before, it had made her nervous. But now, it made her feel the most normal she’d felt since meeting Nathaniel. It felt easier and she wasn’t sure if that was a good or bad thing, but it was something. But then he was reaching over, brushing stray curls that had fallen out of her bun from her face and it was like lightning all over again.
It was the grin that kept her from slipping into her head. She chuckled as he questioned her, his gaze falling. A small hand reached up, her fingertips against the side of his chin so she could guide his gaze back to her. “I absolutely want to know everything about you that you’ll allow me to know.” She said softly, keeping her voice nonchalant as she spoke. Then as she chuckled and her hand fell from his face. “Or anything I find out about accidentally.” She teased cautiously, giving him a reassuring smile that her words meant no harm.
Despite the rapid heartbeat that sought to give him away, he met her teasing response with his own and she laughed at him. “But you’d make a beautiful woman.” She mimicked the tone of a mother complimenting her daughter, not backing down from his challenge. “Besides, any friend of mine is a friend of Queen Eleesa’s, and if I can’t charm my way into their hearts, I’ll bribe my way.” She laughed. The words sounded matter-of-fact, but the undertone of playful teasing was heavy.
He seemed almost.. Nervous? But only after she’d complimented him. Her gaze was soft as he spoke and she chuckled lightly. “Am I?” She asked him, giving him a cocky grin as she slowly sat up straighter. He looked away from her then and she tilted her head, her brows furrowing together in concern. At her words, his gaze had snapped back to her and she lifted a brow as he spoke. Brown eyes searched hers before he shook his head, speaking up again. Her eyes rolled again, returning back to him as she opened her mouth to speak before he was speaking again, insisting she at least let him escort her to the castle gates. “I have a destination, I won’t be wandering.” She told him simply. “Half-way.” She said stubbornly, crossing her arms across her chest. However, his last words caused her hardened expression to gentle and she smiled. It was a lovely and clear night, despite the cold. A breathy laugh escaped her as she let her gaze fall to her hands. “Fine, but only half-way.” She stood firm with her terms.
All she could do was nod her agreement at his next words, shrugging as if to say ‘that’s fair.’ She’d become pretty good at differentiating between truth and lies fairly well herself. She could see that trait in him. He seemed to see right through her, after all, and that was no easy feat. Or maybe she just thought he was able to see through her. She felt transparent under his gaze and she was torn on whether or not she loved or hated it.
His words pulled her back to the present and she laughed softly. “It might be.” She cringed playfully as he looked her over. She quieted as he spoke and listened. “I do like older men.” She joked with a wink, chuckling before she cleared her throat quietly. “I turned twenty-two on October third.” She said, more for the fact that it felt like the polite thing to do. It was a shame she’d only just missed his birthday. She didn’t have long to think about it as he questioned her again and she pressed her lips into a hard line. “I don’t have a favorite food. I just.. Like food.” She chuckled lightly. “I suppose that isn’t a satisfactory answer, huh?” She asked him between chuckles.
It only took her a moment to think of her next question. “What is one thing you want to see or do before you die?”
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Soleil
29
Single
Lieutenant of the Tresterian Army : Cavalry
Tier 2 Character
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Post by Nathaniel Starke on Oct 4, 2020 1:28:15 GMT -5
In his defense, he did not know the purpose of her arrival or that she would bring him the bad news of what she had heard and dealt with. So at her initial appearance, it had been a good kind of surprise. He hadn’t expected it to take the wrong turn. The fact that Audra was still spreading the rumors and trying to ruin his chance at whatever relationship he could have developed with Alice, he wasn’t surprised by. It was the way she was.
He had been more honest than casual with his response to thinking of her, so at her rhetorical question, he nodded simply and mumbled a quiet, “Mmhm.” He kept his eyes on her in a soft, yet intense, look of admiration. But when she spoke of only sometimes thinking of him, his lips twitched in the slightest of a smile and he looked down and away from her briefly. If he allowed himself to stare at her much longer, he knew he might break down and want to kiss her again.
Nathaniel felt her fingers on his face and she was urging him to look back at her, to which he complied. Her delicate touch sent warmth through his face and as he looked into her eyes again, he felt his breath catch in his throat. “I absolutely want to know everything about you that you’ll allow me to know.” Although his face remained up from her hand, his eyes fell downward briefly. There was the very problem- No one stuck around long enough to know everything about him, nor did he allow it. When she dropped her hand from his face, he let his whole face drop as he looked downward- seemingly nervous, or bothered, by her statement.
He looked back up at her when she spoke again, and gave her an uneasy smile at her teasing. He could tell by the tone of her voice and her reassuring smile that she didn’t mean any harm by her words, but it didn’t mean they still didn’t sting a bit. He nodded and felt himself clenching his jaw slightly as he tried to steady his voice. “There’s... Not a whole lot to know about me.” He said somewhat cautiously, maybe a little obvious that his words weren’t entirely truthful. Or maybe he just had a lot of things that he didn’t want to allow her to know.
He was somewhat thankful that their banter returned and Alice was claiming he’d make a beautiful woman, an attempt to try and cover up for her saying his genetics didn’t help him (or seemingly his sisters). He smiled and laughed slightly, shaking his head at her. Despite the change in subject and the banter returning, Nathaniel was having a difficult time burying his emotions from just moments before. He tried to gain his composure and after taking a slow steadying breath, he looked back at her and laughed out his nose. “Oh, I’m certain they would not mind being bribed… They idolize our queen and her ladies.” He smirked and looked her over for a moment, “they’d be flipping out at me if they knew that I was…” His words trailed off as he somewhat gestured between them. He didn’t wish to assume or suggest that they were involved with one another in some way. Because what was this between them, anyway?
Nathaniel had looked away as she had complimented him and he had admitted that she was now flattering him. As she questioned him, he smirked and nodded slightly, “Yes, you are.” He answered quietly, keeping his gaze down until the subject of him escorting her back to the castle came up. He stared at her with an intense gaze, as if the longer he stared, the more he’d convince her that she didn’t have an option of him accompanying her. Half-way. He raised a brow as if urging her to change her terms to a little further than half-way. But she repeated herself and he breathed a sigh out his nose, folding his arms over his chest. He said nothing in protest, mainly because he did not agree with her, but he nodded.
He, again, was thankful when the subject changed and they were back into their question game. Nathaniel honestly didn’t know what to expect when it came to their ages. He could tell that she was younger than he was, but not by much, he thought. At Alice’s admitting she liked older men, Nathaniel laughed a quick breath out his nose and shook his head, studying her again as she told him her own age and birthday. She was younger than he was expecting but he showed no signs of being bothered by it. Alice seemed more mature than her age, to which he could only imagine was partially due to whatever it was she had been through in life. It was only seven years difference- there were a lot of arranged marriages and such where there was often a much larger age gap in between. He considered making a joke about how he thought she was younger than that with how immature she was, but he decided against it. How would that make him look if he was nearly thirty and he thought she was younger than she actually was? Instead, he smiled and gave her a genuine look, "I imagined you were closer to my age... Not because of your appearance, but because of how you carry yourself." He wondered if he should have just kept quiet, now he worried he was going to offend her for thinking she was older. He smirked and shook his head at himself. "It's just...you are more mature than others of your age... And please take that as a compliment because I mean nothing else by it." Even Audra was slightly older than her, and he would have thought it were the other way around. "It's...a pleasant thing, really." He smiled at her, the tone of his voice making it obviously clear that he had already had his fill of dealing with immature women who lived for gossip and unimportant things in life.
Nathaniel listened to her answer about food, and he laughed. What kind of answer was that? It was vague, but also honest. It meant she wasn’t a picky eater and made things a little easier for him if that were the case. He shrugged his shoulders, “It’s a good enough answer, I suppose.” He lightly teased her. “Just means you won’t be allowed to complain if I ever take you somewhere and you end up not liking the food- You’re not allowed to hold it against me.” He smirked.
Alice’s next question was a more personal and deep one that required some thought on his behalf. There were a lot of things he wanted to see or do before he died, but she was only asking for one thing and he needed to consider his answer carefully. He leaned back against the couch and scratched his chin in thought. He had an immediate response pop into his head, but he had started to doubt himself. Not because he felt it was the wrong answer, but more because he wondered if Alice would think he was bullshitting her and saying something just to impress her. He tried to think of something else, at first- something that would seem maybe typical of him to say. But his initial answer kept popping back into his mind. After a moment he sat back up, leaning forward and resting his arms on his thighs. He clasped his hands together and turned his head to look at her, his expression both serious and honest, as if to try and indicate that he was being genuine. “To see both of my sisters make a good life for themselves and to be safe and happy.” The answer flowed out of him as if it were nothing and he that he didn’t want anything else- perhaps for the first time showing Alice how selfless Nathaniel actually truly was.
He looked away from her, letting his head hang down again, maybe slightly embarrassed by his answer because it made him feel so vulnerable in front of Alice. His sisters were probably his biggest weakness. He had endured what he had in his past to avoid his mother and sisters from any wrongdoing when Baldric had threatened them… And he would do it again if the situation called for it. He’d give his life for his whole family honestly. He allowed a moment of silence to linger as his thoughts ran away with him briefly. Until he realized it was his turn.
Nathaniel looked back up at Alice and a question quickly rolled off his tongue, “What is one rule that defines your life right now?”
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Lux
22
Recently Divorced
Lady in waiting/Spy
Tier 2 Character
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Post by Alice Calder on Oct 4, 2020 21:50:49 GMT -5
She wondered if he, too, could feel the electricity she felt. Her curious desire for him only seemed to strengthen the more they sat alone together. Her eyes scanned the room for the briefest of a moment when he looked away after mumbling a soft ‘mmhm’ to her, and she suddenly realized how alone they were. The gentleman that had led her into the house hadn’t come back around since setting down their refreshments and Alice was suddenly painfully aware that she was alone with Nathaniel.. In his house. It caused a chill to rush down her spine, though she quickly brushed it off, turning her gaze back to Nathaniel when he spoke.
She scoffed at his words, rolling her eyes at him. How many times had she rolled her eyes since meeting him? It was hard to recount, but she knew it had probably been far too many. The slight change in his demeanor was enough to cause her anxiety to claw at the back of her mind. “No, there’s plenty to know about you, just not as much that you want people to know.” She shrugged simply despite her inner turmoil. One thing he hadn’t seemed to realize was he’d already once told her she’d be wrong about a lot of things pertaining to him. Then saying there wasn’t much to himself, it was becoming clear for Alice to see through the discredit, to see what he was really saying behind the words he used as a shield from the truth that he meant. Plus, his tone of voice when he spoke just now was more than enough to confirm any suspicions she may have had. She sighed softly, feeling the gently-increasing weight of sadness as realization began to slowly sink in. He’d always hold her at arms length, wouldn’t he? She couldn’t blame him if he did. After all, it’s what she wanted, right?
While he laughed at her words, returning to their back and forth, Alice wasn’t convinced and she watched him suspiciously, her face blank as he spoke. One side of her lips twitched up as he gestured between the two of them and she lifted an eyebrow as she reached for her cup of tea, taking a slow sip before her eyes returned to his face. Letting the cup to rest in her lap, cradled by her hands, she decided to say nothing in response. Part of her wanted to ask him what he thought this was, but she was certain the answer would sting. It was unlike her, but just this once, Alice decided that living in her ignorance was better than feeling the familiar sting of heartache. Strange, isn’t it? That she hardly knew him, yet he could already break her heart so easily.. Why was she allowing herself to care that much, to let him have that much power? Perhaps it would be best if they didn’t see each other again after this…
He said nothing as well, though his silence was due to her insistence that he could only escort her half-way back to the palace. She questioned him with her gaze but did not press the matter. She felt like he was planning on escorting her all the way even if she protested, even if he’d “nodded” his understanding on the matter. The idea caused her to press her lips into a hard line and she averted her gaze to the side as she lifted her cup to her lips again.
Finally he was speaking again, breaking the silence that lingered between them. Alice chuckled at his words, setting her cup back on the table, though her gaze remained on her hands. Thinking it was cute when he babbled, she didn’t dare interrupt him. When he was finished, she laughed quietly. “I get that a lot.” She admitted before her gaze was on his face again. “And I assure you that I do consider it a complement.” She said to him as she reached a hand across the small distance between them, placing it on his forearm. She gave him a gentle squeeze before withdrawing her hand as she chuckled again. “I am curious as to just how old you thought I was.” She said, tilting her head and lifting a brow curiously. It was funny - despite her earlier hangup, she always managed to get lost in him and his words all over again and forget her resolve. It was rather annoying, this effect he had on her.
Nathaniel shrugged at her answer to his question, speaking up soon after. She looked at him, smirking as he spoke before she raised a brow, leaning closer to him as she responded to his statement. “All I’m hearing is you’ve already considered a date night.” She teased with a flirtatious wink. She’d never once imagined that the chase would have led her to this moment. But sitting here, staring into his eyes and wanting nothing more than to close the gap between them in a deep kiss.. She couldn’t have imagined a more perfect scene.
Was it frustrating that her emotions seemed to go back and forth from all-in to checked-out? Absolutely. But she could never bring herself to want to break away from him. Not since the chase, at least. But her affections were soon left on the backburner as he answered her question and she gave him her full attention. His answer caused her to smile and she found herself staring at him with an expression that could only be described as adoration. Did she already feel so strongly about him? It was truly hard to say, but it was beginning to feel that way. ‘He probably doesn’t feel the same. Remember that.’ She reminded herself sternly.
“Your sisters are very lucky to have you as their brother.” She told him as her own mind thought back to her little brother. She wondered how Reese was doing and if he’d met Nathaniel yet. But, before her questions consumed her, Nathaniel was asking one of his own and she pressed her lips, looking away as she hummed a ‘hmmm’ into the space between them.
It took more than a few moments for the answer to come to her. “At the moment, my only rule is to give myself some slack from my impossible self-standards.” She shook her head and laughed. “What was the greatest moment of your entire life?” She asked him, slightly more enthusiastic than she had been.
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Soleil
29
Single
Lieutenant of the Tresterian Army : Cavalry
Tier 2 Character
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Post by Nathaniel Starke on Oct 5, 2020 19:16:29 GMT -5
Nathaniel could certainly feel that same electricity Alice felt, yet he was trying so desperately to ignore it and push it down. He wasn’t supposed to feel anything good like this, right? He shouldn’t feel anything because, in the end, it would only make everything worse for both of them. Yet, why was he having such difficulty with shutting her out- With distancing himself and keeping his cold, reserved demeanor he so often wore around everyone else? As Alice scoffed, he lifted his gaze and lowered his brows, looking at her curiously. She clearly didn’t believe him as he dismissed there being much to know about himself. But Alice was right, and he wondered if she could see right through him. There was plenty to know about him- but he didn’t want most of it to be known. Brown eyes studied her for a moment, trying to read her expression. He could somewhat pick up on the sadness that lingered throughout her. He tilted his head and looked at her curiously. Part of him wanted to tell her things, to open up to her, even if just a little. But then whenever he put himself in the shoes of someone else listening to what he had been through, it reminded him that no one needed to hear about it all. Yet, he couldn’t help but feel the disappointment and frustration others must have felt when he always seemed to hold everything back- never letting anyone close enough to truly get to know him. Nathaniel realized they had been sitting there in silence and he hadn’t responded to her statement, so he nodded once and scratched the back of his neck. “I suppose you’re right,” he silently admitted. Why couldn’t he just deny it- to tell her that she was wrong and that he was an open book and would tell her whatever she wished to know about him? Because he wasn’t a liar. Not to people he cared about. Did he care about Alice? Strangely, and unexplainably, he was getting there, and that scared him to no end. “I have a hard time trusting others,” he repeated his words he had told her at the ball. Nathaniel, too, fought the urge to ask Alice what she thought this was between them. While part of him didn’t want to care, didn’t want to fall into whatever this was, the other part of him was scared he was the only one who felt something- despite Alice showing some interest in him- or maybe he was choosing to ignore that. Alice’s only response to his unfinished statement was a suspicious glance and a raised eyebrow. Perhaps she did not want him to think there was nothing between them and there never would be. Not after the way things had unfolded earlier in their visit, or after what Audra had told her. He was relieved to hear that Alice wasn’t offended by him thinking she was older, and that she considered it the compliment he intended it to be. He hadn’t expected for her to reach towards him and place her hand on his arm, squeezing it in a sort of reassuring fashion. Her touch, once again, sent warmth through him that was like a surge of energy, causing his jaw to clench if only slightly. He quickly relaxed it though as she laughed and questioned him on how old he thought she was. Nathaniel smiled at her and shrugged a shoulder, “I’m not sure. Maybe two or three younger than me?” Alice quickly caught onto his reason for asking her for her favorite food, and his statement of taking her out on a date. He smirked and laughed out his nose, catching sight of her flirtatious wink. It only made him smirk a little more. Brown eyes found her own, staring back into them for the briefest moment before he shrugged, feigning disinterest. But the words that came out of his mouth next contradicted him purposely. “I’ve thought about it...A few times, actually.” He smiled at her, searching her eyes, “If I asked you to- what would you say?” There was a hint of playfulness in the tone of his voice, yet the expression on his face and the look in his eyes was serious and genuine, perhaps a glimmer of hope showing in them. Alice expressed that his sisters were lucky to have him as their brother, and it caused him to let his gaze fall from hers as a smile fell on his lips. He was humbled by the compliment. It was just the right thing to do- to protect his family. He shrugged his shoulders in response and let out a slight laugh. “Maybe- though they might disagree. I might be a little overprotective sometimes.” Nathaniel listened to her answer attentively. He felt he should certainly live by that same rule and he found himself letting a huff of a laugh out his nose, nodding in understanding. “I suppose that is something we should all live by.” He knew he had a lot of impossible self-standards he forced on himself, and probably always would because he was so stubborn like that. Alice was asking him her next question, seemingly enthusiastic to ask it and he wondered if she was more excited that she thought she was asking a more upbeat question, or if she was excited to hear his answer- but the expression that came from Nathaniel was more of a blank stare as if he would struggle with this question. The question hit him hard in the pit of his stomach and he suddenly felt dread coarse through him. He forced a small smile before diverting his gaze from her and leaned his elbows back on his thighs, clasping his hands together and hiding his lips behind them as he thought. He thought back through his life. There hadn’t been any great moments in most of his life. There was the moment where his father sent him to the military island- away from Baldric. There were times when he moved up in rank in the military. There were the small fleeting relationships he had and the far and few between moments of happiness he felt in them before they ended. And there was that first kiss he and Alice shared out on the terrace on the night of the ball. The list was small and his answers seemed unbelievable even to him. He finally sat up and looked at her, letting a small laugh escape him as he scratched the back of his head nervously and let out a sigh. “Promise you won’t laugh and you’ll trust that I truly mean this?” He asked her silently, a hint of embarrassment evident in his voice and from the expression on his face. If Alice agreed he looked away from her and looked straight ahead briefly, trying to gather his thoughts or perhaps gain the courage to answer her. Nathaniel took a deep breath and looked sidelong at her. “I’d say when I was promoted to Lieutenant...But that feels a little…” He tilted his head as he hesitated with his words. He sighed and shrugged his shoulders, “a bit empty to me.” Nathaniel felt his heart start to race in his chest and he had to look away from her again, his gaze downward as he struggled. Why was this question so difficult for him to answer right now? Maybe it was because he was trying so hard for it to not seem obvious that he had such a troubled life. This was rather pathetic and embarrassing… Maybe bordering a bit desperate for her affection- he could only imagine how it was going to sound to her. Would she think he was just trying to use a pick-up line on her? Because it truly wasn’t meant to be. He garnered up the courage to finally blurt out his words as he looked back at her, his eyes filled with an intense look of desire that he had shown her that night at the ball. “Our first real kiss.” He gave her a nervous smile and laughed, shaking his head as he let his head drop before quickly looking back at her. “It felt... different and... something...” Nathaniel wasn’t quite sure how to finish that sentence- he couldn’t quite think of the word he wanted to use. So he left it at that. He let his eyes drop from hers as he smiled, trying to hide it. “Sorry… Maybe that’s a bit…” Again, he couldn’t think of the word he wanted to use, so he shrugged instead. He wanted to say pathetic, but the last thing he wanted was for Alice to think he felt that moment was pathetic. Instead of asking another question right away, he just sat there in silence for a while, his thoughts racing, his palms were sweating and even still, his heart was pounding heavily in his chest. It wasn’t until after his composure did he finally ask her a question. “Have you ever had something happen in your life that completely changed your perspective on life?” He nearly cringed as his own question and the personal deep nature of it. He thought maybe it was unfair to ask because he wasn’t sure it was something that he would want to answer, but he was genuinely curious.
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Lux
22
Recently Divorced
Lady in waiting/Spy
Tier 2 Character
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Post by Alice Calder on Oct 6, 2020 1:20:49 GMT -5
She kept her gaze focused on anything but him, brown eyes coming to rest on his face every now and again, and for only a single breath of time. She caught the curious expression, the way he tried to study her face, and the calm silence that stretched between them. “I suppose you’re right.” Of course she was and it seemed they both knew it.
She looked back to him with a slight hint of a smirk, shrugging a shoulder. He repeated the sentiment they’d both learned about each other at the ball and Alice huffed a single laugh at the words, though her expression was humorless. “Putting your trust in someone is like taking a big risk, wouldn’t you agree?” The question was asked absentmindedly. “You never really know if you can trust someone, so it’s always a risk.” Her small shoulders shrugged, dark eyes focused on the floor as she spoke. “So does that mean people like us can never trust anyone? Or does that mean we’ll just have a harder time finding people worth that risk?” Her gaze had met his when she half-rolled her eyes. The gesture was more at herself for being so philosophical.
Perhaps now wasn’t the best time to be looking so inwardly at herself. She didn’t expect him to say anything in response to her musings, she’d mostly been thinking out loud anyway. But he was indulging her silly curiosity about how old he'd thought she was and pulling her from her thoughts as she chuckled. “I would have supposed you were closer to my age.” She admitted casually. “You look younger than twenty-nine.” Her lips pulled up in a smirk.
It was when he stared at her that everything began to well up in her throat and make her feel like she couldn’t breathe. “I’ve thought about it...A few times, actually.” Was he calling her bluff or just being honest? It was hard to tell. His words and tone didn't match his expression. Alice gave him a curious look as he searched her eyes. Despite the fear she felt, she smiled a tight-lipped smile, his next words causing a full smile to spread across her lips as she breathed a laugh.
Clearing her throat to regain her composure, she fought against the grin that threatened to form. She looked away from him, knowing full on well that look on his face could strip her of her resolve entirely. “I might say yes.” She tried to return his playful tone as she looked back up at him, the verbally implied truth clear in her eyes.
His gaze was falling then before he spoke on the subject of his sisters again and Alice chuckled lightly, nodding her understanding. Reese may have been her little brother, but he had always been protective of his older sisters. If he knew half the things that had happened to Alice, perhaps he would be the one behind bars while Darion laid six feet under. It was among one of the biggest reasons that she’d never told her family what really happened between her and Darion. If Reese didn’t kill the man, her father certainly would and she almost couldn’t even bear the mere thought of them behind bars. “I believe I can relate to your sisters on that level. Might win me a few of those points back.” She shook her head with a soft smile.
She’d shrugged at his response to her answer. Many people she knew had realistically set their standards. They were achievable. But Alice? Alice strived for something that could never exist; her own idea of pure perfection. She didn’t have to reach perfection, it had taken her several years to realize that. But she had to try every single day, even if it was just a small try.
She hadn’t realized they were sitting in silence until it finally registered that he was staring at her with a blank expression. She couldn’t explain it, but the pinch of unease that gripped her gut was both a feeling of fear and eager anticipation. He clasped his hands together then, as if in thought. Though patient, she wondered if perhaps she shouldn’t have asked that question. His had been so simple after all, but her questions were always whatever had come to mind first. She certainly did not want him to answer any questions he didn’t want to. But he was sitting up straighter and speaking, his nervousness apparent. She gave him a curious look, tilting her head as she studied him. She almost laughed as he used the word ‘trust’, but refrained. “Do I have any other choice?” She lightly joked before nodding her head. “Of course, Nathaniel.” She said after a moment with another affirmative nod. Another moment passed before he finally began speaking. She listened intently, her brows furrowing as her confusion deepened. If that wasn’t his answer, then why was he telling her? He looked away from her again and her heart began to race for a reason she didn’t understand. She took a slow, deep breath, catching it on the back of her lungs as his eyes met hers with that look.
‘Oh no..’ The thought struck just as the words rolled off his tongue and Alice could only sit frozen. Even as he laughed, shook his head, and returned his gaze to her, she’d only stared with a blank expression, her entire body tense from the fear that sought to crush her in its grasp. ‘Don’t tell me that..’ She couldn’t bring herself to say the words. Her heart was beating so quickly that it ached as he continued to speak. When his eyes fell again, she let hers drop as well, idly tugging at the ends of her sleeves. Part of her knew she’d wanted to hear something like that - not necessarily as his answer to her question, but his words delighted her. However, a much larger, stronger part of her knew that it was only going to pull her in further and she was already surrounded by too many dangerous ledges she couldn’t back down from anymore.
Nathaniel was apologizing again, causing her lips to pull up in a half-smirk as she chuckled softly. Her lips parted, as if she were about to scold him for apologizing again, but instead, she admitted her answer even though he hadn't asked. “I would have said falling on my face in front of you during the chase.” She didn’t look up at him, but the smile was clear across her face and in her tone. She was so hopeful and doubtful. On the one hand, she felt in her gut that she could trust him to some degree. But at the same time, it was far too good to be true. Things like this - people like him - didn’t just fall into her life out of nowhere for good reasons, and maybe that was the most worrisome thought of all. Her only option was to take the risk and trust that Nathaniel was who he appeared to be so far. But she couldn’t really do that, could she? She knew she couldn’t. She was too broken and something told her he was broken too. Maybe it was what Audra had told her. Maybe it was something deeper that she couldn't see yet. All she truly knew for sure was that broken people were dangerous. They could cause the most damage.
She released a slow breath, having not yet realized that both of her hands were intertwined and cradled against her chest. Fighting against the anxiety that nearly caused her to tremble, she was relieved when he was asking her another question, though her gaze had snapped to him with an expression that carried a hint of suspicion. Her lips pressed into a hard line and she laughed nervously before nodding her head slowly. “Yes.” She said simply, a huff of a laugh escaping her as she looked away then back at him.
Her time being married had changed many more things than just her perspective on life and the world, but it was also the only thing that came to her mind immediately when he asked the question. She’d rather pretend she never married at all. It would be easier that way.
Another nervous laugh escaped her, that same yearning in her expression though it was also tinged with a little fear. She knew she needed to just call it a night right now, to not indulge this any further, but it seemed that her mouth and her foolish heart refused to listen. She’d leaned towards him slightly, her hands on the small space between them to keep herself steady, brown eyes falling to his lips as she spoke “May I kiss you?” She whispered the words, the corners of her mouth twitching up ever so slightly in the faintest hint of a hopeful smile.
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Soleil
29
Single
Lieutenant of the Tresterian Army : Cavalry
Tier 2 Character
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Post by Nathaniel Starke on Oct 6, 2020 20:48:39 GMT -5
Nathaniel liked it when Alice became philosophical. It showed him how intelligent and insightful she was and he appreciated that about her- that she wasn’t afraid to speak her mind. “Putting your trust in someone is like taking a big risk, wouldn’t you agree?” He tilted his head and smirked slightly before nodding in agreement. He supposed that was very true. But the thought of taking that very risk scared him to no end. Had he been thinking about trust all wrong, or was it just that he had not found someone worth taking that risk on? Was trust really the issue at hand, or was it just him being unable to risk letting anyone in? It almost seemed that Alice had read his mind because she was looking down and questioning him, though he assumed her questions were more rhetorical. Still, it had been more or less what he was thinking too, and as she looked back at him, he gave her an uneasy smile.
People like us. Nathaniel inhaled deeply before releasing it as a sigh, his shoulders shrugging slightly in response to her questions. “Hmm…” There may have been a brief moment where it would seem he may not have said anything in response but after a while, Nathaniel finally spoke, his words coming out in slight hesitation as he struggled to get his own thoughts into words. “What exactly is trust, then?” He looked at her pensively before he spoke again. “Is it just an idea? A quality of a person?” He lifted a hand to rub under his nose briefly before he started to try and explain his philosophy in attempts to answer her question. “To me… Trust is being able to rely on a person…Of knowing and hoping that you can always depend on them...That there is always truth to and in that relationship.” He wasn’t entirely sure if he was making sense or making the point he felt he wanted to make. “So I think it means we just have a harder time finding people worth that risk… I-” He paused, looking away from Alice briefly. He was about to say that he hadn’t found anyone in his life worth that risk- but then he came to a realization and returned his gaze to her. “Then again... Sometimes when you can or should trust a person, like maybe your family… Is it yourself you don’t trust when you can’t even talk to them about things? Or is that just you trying to protect them from everything you don’t trust?” He breathed out a short laugh and shook his head, glancing down at the floor. “I don’t even know what I am trying to say…” Or maybe he was just making it more complicated than it needed to be. “Whatever it is- I don’t often come across it in life. I don’t often meet people that show they are worth that risk.” He paused and sighed quietly, shaking his head before he looked back at her. “Or maybe it’s just me who can’t be trusted?” He shrugged and looked away from her again, staring back at the fire that would probably need some attention soon.
Nathaniel couldn’t help but chuckle at her statement of him looking younger than he was. He wasn’t entirely sure anyone had ever told him that before, mostly because of how serious he always looked and was. Yet, Alice had also managed to make him smile more often than he had in quite some time. “Do I?” He smirked, tilting his head in a questioning gesture. “I certainly hope I do not act younger than twenty-nine.” He smirked and looked down, laughing softly at himself.
Alice’s playful tone as she somewhat agreed she would go on a date with him, caused him to smile a bit more than he typically had, and still, he tried to hide it as he lifted a hand and casually rested it over his mouth and pressed the space between his thumb and index finger under his nose. Brown eyes searched her own and he allowed his hand to drop once his expression became a bit more serious. “Will you, then? I promise to be a perfect gentleman.” He smirked, a playful tone in his voice, even though he was genuinely asking her because he was always a gentleman, he thought.
Nathaniel was almost certain that a lot of females with brothers could understand having to deal with the overprotectiveness. Then again, he was also sure there could be families not as close as his and Alice’s were. He let out a quiet laugh and nodded. “Yes… The three of you can conspire against me- They’d love it.” He leaned forward to retrieve his cup of tea again and took a sip then let out a quick hum noise as if he were suddenly remembering something. “That reminds me…” He set the mug back down and nodded, “I met your brother. Reese, yes?” He smiled and looked back at Alice. “I didn’t tell him that you sent me to look after him.” He smirked, obvious that he was joking. Alice hadn’t suggested such a thing, but he could tell how much her brother meant to her, and he wanted to help ensure that Reese succeeded and was well.
It was strange how he had decided to trust that she wouldn’t laugh and that he was asking her to trust him in believing his words to be true. He had barely realized he was asking for such either. But it was about taking risks, wasn’t it? And for whatever reason, it was easy to allow himself to be honest and vulnerable in front of Alice, despite hating that he was. He didn’t know why he was. Maybe it was a sign that he needed to back away now before this progressed any further. He got a sense that Alice had been through enough in her twenty-two years of life- she did not need to deal with him or his issues. No one needed to.
He was silently berating himself for being so honest, open, and vulnerable with her. Why couldn’t he just leave it at him being promoted Lieutenant? It would save himself so much. He needed to figure out how to build his walls back up- something he had started to do earlier in the night but Alice had somehow managed to crack them open a bit more and it left him confused and frustrated in himself. As the silence lingered on, he only panicked further. He was a fool. A complete idiot to think that Alice would want anything to do with him. A man like him? He was nothing special and didn’t deserve any piece of happiness. It just did not work out for him in his life and whatever this was right now- it would never last and he would surely be the one to ruin that.
If Alice had waited for a second longer, Nathaniel would have been about to tell her he did not mean any of it, that he was just trying to make her feel good- that he was a complete ass and was only trying to woo her for his selfish need for attention. That she would be better off leaving now because she was only wasting her time with him and he did not want to hurt her. Maybe he would throw in a couple of hurtful remarks only to ensure that she would never want to see him again. You don’t deserve any of this, Nathaniel, he told himself. He was too broken.
“I would have said falling on my face in front of you during the chase.” Before his lips parted to speak, Alice interrupted his thoughts, causing him to freeze. She didn’t look at him as she said it, but he noticed the smile that spread along her face. Was she being honest? Meeting him was the greatest moment of her life? Why was he doubting her words, though? Or maybe it was his own self-doubt. How could anyone think anything about him was good? He tried to push back his thoughts, not daring to doubt Alice or throw it back at her that she was probably just being nice, because hadn’t he asked her not to laugh or doubt his words? Instead, he gave her a genuine smile. Not a smirk, but an actual smile, and he chuckled softly. “But I thought you said that was unfortunate?” He quietly teased her, his eyes searching her for a moment before they fell away and downward, his lips forming another small grin. “Hopefully I have been a worthy prize for you.”
Nathaniel didn’t return his gaze to her until he asked his question and she answered it with one simple word. Yes. And nothing else followed it but her nervous laugh. His brows furrowed in curiosity but he let a soft laugh escape his nose. In all fairness, he had only asked if she ever had something happen, he hadn’t asked her what, and he realized she was taking full advantage of that. As much as he wanted to press her for more of an answer, he knew that if she wanted to tell him more, she would have, so he left it alone. He laughed and nodded in response, “fair enough…” He understood all too well and would never force her to tell anything she didn’t want to. How would she ever learn to trust him if he did?
He turned his brown eyes to the floor as another silence lingered between them. His mind began to race with more thoughts. Perhaps it was time to call it a night, to escort her back home as he said he would- to remain quiet and no longer speak anything more but meaningless small talk. It wasn’t until her nervous laughter escaped her that he looked back up at her and watched as she leaned towards him. He could tell by that yearning look tinged with fear that she was about to ask him something personal- something that would make him just as nervous. He watched as her eyes fell to his lips and he knew then what she was about to ask him. Instantly, his heart began to race in his chest and he looked at her, his own eyes filled with the same yearning desire, the slightest smile tugging at the corners of his lips. He shifted in his seat, closer towards her to close the gap between them and he leaned towards her, his eyes remaining on hers as he reached and placed his hand on her cheek, fingers weaving into the hair at the back of her head. “You never need to ask me that,” he repeated the words she had told him when he had asked that very question. But before Alice would get the chance to initiate the kiss, Nathaniel closed whatever space remained between them and he pressed his lips to hers with a firm, yet gentle touch, filled with hunger and desperation to feel her own kiss.
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Lux
22
Recently Divorced
Lady in waiting/Spy
Tier 2 Character
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Post by Alice Calder on Oct 7, 2020 20:56:35 GMT -5
“What exactly is trust, then?” Her brows had twitched up at the question, but she said nothing as he continued. Even when he paused, she remained quiet, in thought as she considered his words. When he spoke about trust in terms of family, she let out a breathy laugh just as he did, nodding a few times before glancing sidelong into the room, her gaze returning to him when his voice sounded again. “I don’t even know what I am trying to say…” Yet she understood him perfectly. Looking towards the hands resting her lap again, she still remained quiet as he continued on, only letting her brown eyes find his face at his final words.
A forced smile came to her lips and her eyes again dropped to her hands. “Well, I think family is a tricky one where trust is concerned.” She shrugged. “For example, you can trust your family, but maybe you can’t trust how they’d react to certain information.” ‘That’s quite enough, Alice.’ She scolded herself silently. She was becoming much too comfortable using silly analogies and philosophies to subtlety give him insight to her past and she needed to put a stop to it immediately. “But I share the same sentiment, of having difficulty finding people worth the risk.” She told him casually. “Or perhaps it is me that cannot be trusted.” She repeated his question in her own words, half-smiling as she sighed softly.
When his smirk returned, it brought her some ease. The question was asked with his expression before it passed his lips and Alice chuckled lightly, nodding her head before his next statement. “Perhaps I am not the best to determine whether or not you act your age.” She shook her head slowly. “After all, I tend to assume anyone who behaves close to the same manner as myself is close to me in age. I often forget that most people my age are more..” The words trailed off. She couldn’t quite think of the term she wanted to use. Immature was a bit too strong of a word, but it was perhaps the only way to explain a vast majority of people her own age. “I suppose they are just not as well-rounded.” She shrugged.
She caught a glimpse of his smile before he quickly took to hiding it behind his hand. She raised a brow at him curiously but said nothing as she waited for him to speak whatever it was he wanted to say. When he did - that playfulness ringing in his tone, she smiled, tilting her head slightly. “I’d be honored.” She said simply with a single nod. “And I will be expecting a perfect gentleman.” She teased, returning his playfulness.
Back on the topic of his sisters, Alice laughed, nodding her agreement with his words before Nathaniel’s soft hum grabbed her attention. “That reminds me..” She raised a brow, doing her best to keep the anxiety that rose with those words at bay. But as he continued, saying he’d met her brother, her brown eyes seemed to light up and her smile widened. “Reese, yes. How is he?” She tried to hold back how truly happy she was that they’d met. Reese needed someone other than their father to look up to and Alice felt in her gut that Nathaniel would set a good example for her brother. “And trust me, if you mentioned me at all, he will assume that is the case by default.” She breathed a laugh, rolling her eyes.
Somehow, Alice found herself more comfortable with Nathaniel than she’d ever been with anyone - besides her family, obviously. It was both a blessing and a curse. On the one hand, it was nice to be able to have actual conversations with someone, rather than idle chit-chat that was meaningless. On the other hand, it put her dangerously close to him. It was making it difficult to keep her mouth shut half the time and that was perhaps the most dangerous part of it all. What would Nathaniel think of her to know that she allowed some man to use and abuse her in her past? That she ignored the red flags and someone else had paid for it?
It wasn’t often that she pulled herself from her thoughts, but she’d managed this time around. It was just in time for her to look back up at Nathaniel and catch that genuine smile. She offered a small grin in return as he teased, laughing lightly as his eyes were cast downward. She shrugged, shaking her head slightly. “I’m starting to think it was quite fortunate, actually.” At his next words, she smirked. “I do not think I have made that decision yet, but so far..” She shrugged, giving him a playful smirk as she teased. She left the statement open.
Of course she was taking full advantage of the way he’d questioned her. Alice was careful with her own words, but she was aware that others may not be. Even so, she knew how to get around questions she didn’t want to answer. As smart as he was, she was certain he’d catch on soon if he hadn’t already. She said nothing in response to his simple statement. Fair enough, he’d said. So he had caught on then. She huffed a laugh as she half-smirked.
From the time they’d fallen silent to the time he’d moved himself close to her felt like an eternity. With his eyes matching her desire, she felt her breath catch on her tongue as he leaned towards her, his hand going to her cheek. As his fingers weaved through her hair, a soft sigh escaped her and her lips parted in anticipation. She felt herself tremble beneath his touch even though his hand on her face spread a warmth through her entire body. He seemed to like using her words against her. She could hardly blame him since she often found herself doing the same thing. She breathed a quiet laugh before his lips were crashing into hers softly. Both of her hands found his chest, pulling him closer to her with a gentle tug of his shirt as she deepened their kiss, becoming more eager with each time their lips hungrily met. She could no longer breathe and her heart was beating erratically, but this time, she couldn’t pull herself away from him.
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Soleil
29
Single
Lieutenant of the Tresterian Army : Cavalry
Tier 2 Character
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Post by Nathaniel Starke on Oct 8, 2020 0:59:01 GMT -5
Nathaniel quietly listened to Alice as she spoke about family and trust. And although she kept her gaze down, he found himself studying her: The way she held herself, her body language, and the way the light from the fire cast shadows on her face. He had already decided that Alice was beautiful- but now, as he looked at her, he saw something different- something stronger than just beautiful, yet he couldn’t put into words what he saw now. "you can trust your family, but maybe you can’t trust how they’d react to certain information." Perhaps that was exactly what he meant to say. He had no idea how his mother and sisters would react if they knew what he had been through. Would they think less of him? Would they get the wrong ideas about him? His father barely spoke to him because of it, even after all these years, and sometimes it made him wish that he hadn't discovered what had happened, yet if he hadn't, things most likely would have gotten a lot worse for him. Regardless, that part of his life was over and done with- what would be the point now in telling his family? What would be the point in telling anyone? He tilted his head and looked at her curiously, even though she still did not look at him. He couldn't help but wonder if she had similar issues with her own family- if she was hiding something from them, too, since she seemingly knew what he meant and how to better explain it than he had.
Alice had already told him that she had difficulty trusting others, but as she confirmed that she shared the same sentiment and had difficulty finding others worth the risk, he found himself frowning. While he understood that not everyone had an easy life, it still bothered him to hear when others had struggled through it. He was already beginning to care for Alice and caught himself realizing that he would do anything to ensure she was safe from anything bad that could ever come her way again. But would he be able to save her from himself? It was that very thought that made his chest tighten and made his gaze fall to his hands that rested on his knees. She was repeating his own words, stating she could not be trusted. His brows furrowed as he looked back at her and let a small breath of a humorless laugh out his nose. “So what do two people, who cannot be trusted, do when--” He hesitated, unsure of how to finish his sentence. When they have feelings for one another, was what he wanted to say, but did Alice even have feelings for him in the way he felt for her? Did he even have feelings for her? “...When they are in a room together, getting to know one another? Are they both being honest in their answers?” The tone of his voice made the question more rhetorical than accusatory of either of them lying. He knew Alice wasn’t- and he was certainly being honest with her, but he was curious to know what Alice would say.
He had thought Alice was around his age for the same reason she thought he was around hers. It made him smile and he shrugged just after she did. “I could probably say the same about some who are around my age, too. I suppose that means age is just a number.”
Alice was accepting his request to go on a date with him and he nodded once. “Then it’s settled. I will have to think of something special to try and woo you further. Or at all if I haven’t yet already.” He smirked, his tone remaining playful. He was already starting to think of ideas as a brief silence lingered between them. Despite being horrible with relationships, Nathaniel could be rather thoughtful when it came to trying to please others. He had a few ideas up his sleeve.
He liked seeing the way her eyes lit up when he mentioned her brother and it made him smile. “He seemed well. Definitely motivated and dedicated to doing well.” Nathaniel thought back on their conversation and how he had sort of stumbled on the young man. “I was actually, coincidentally, assigned to lead through training with the rank he falls into. He did well, but I told him he needed some work and invited him to train with me a couple of times a week.” Nathaniel smirked in a sense that he felt he was being sneaky in taking her brother under his wing as he had told Alice he would. But also, if their conversation ever turned to his family, Nathaniel might be able to learn more about Alice through her brother’s perspective. Then again, he was extremely professional and rarely personal with anyone he trained or worked with. A lot of the men in the military thought he was a rather emotionless and reserved man but was good at what he did.
Nathaniel smiled again, a genuine smile that reached his eyes, as Alice claimed her falling on her face in front of him was now fortunate. He laughed quietly and shrugged his shoulders. “If it makes you feel any better… I think you’ve figuratively tripped and have caused me to fall on my face right in front of you.” His smile faded slightly, though some of it remained as he looked back at her. Despite Alice never making him feel foolish or bad for anything, he still felt like a vulnerable fool, tripping all over himself. “But so far?” He repeated her statement, urging her to finish her statement, raising a brow as he looked at her curiously. “What more could I do to help you make that decision?” He smirked and tilted his head as he regarded her. “To ensure that I am a worthy and adequate enough prize…”
The moment he felt her lips return his kiss, his heart began to race harder and faster in his chest so much that he could feel his pulse at his temples. A strong, dizzying sensation ran through him, making him feel like he was being pulled into a whirlwind of thoughts, emotions, and various sensations. He felt her hands move to his chest and he couldn’t help but wonder if she’d feel his heart thundering within him as he swore it might burst from his chest. She was tugging at his shirt, pulling him even closer to her. He matched her eagerness in their kiss as if telling her he wanted this. Maybe that he even needed it. He reached his other hand up, placing it behind her neck as he dared to deepen their kiss even more. After a moment, he slowly and gently wrapped his arms around her, pulling her even closer to him so that her body pressed against his and he held her in a light embrace so as not to make her feel trapped or threatened by him and that she would be able to pull away from him if she wanted to.
The longer the kiss went on, the more heated and passionate it got, Nathaniel felt himself begin to panic. He couldn’t breathe, his chest was tightening, and he felt as though his head would explode from the throbbing pulse his racing heart was causing. Yet, he couldn’t bear to pull away from her, to leave their embrace, so he fought through the panic that rose within him, trying to push himself to some unspoken limit. He liked the way her body felt against his, the warmth she gave him, and how she seemed to fit perfectly in his arms. He wanted this. Alice made him want to lose any resolve he had left within him. She made him feel that strange desire to want to let go and lose himself in her. She made him begin to feel that carnal desire he so often tried to repress.
As those feelings heightened and he began to realize them, his panic finally won him over and he quickly broke away from her lips. He fought every urge he had to pull away from her completely- to stand and move as far away from her as he could. Oh how badly that rush to his head would flood him- he knew the feeling all too well. He placed his hands on her shoulders as if to hold her back and away from him. He let his head drop, unable to look at her, his breath heavy and deep as he fought to catch it. Maybe some of the panics he felt were evident in the way he clenched his jaw, the way his breathing fell from his nose, and how he couldn’t look at her. Yet, maybe that’s how he thought he might appear to her- it was how he felt inwardly: A scared coward, afraid of any intimacy. But perhaps he had gotten good at masking his fears- maybe he just appeared to be taking control of the heated situation, to prevent it from going any further. They had agreed to take things slow.
He said nothing for a while but sat there, trying to calm himself and catch his breath. After a moment, Nathaniel finally spoke between labored breaths. "What is your greatest fear?" Yes- he was seriously continuing their little game. He needed to- Anything to take his mind away from this moment they just had- to calm himself down and to bring him back into the present when his past was creeping its way to haunting him. To make her think that nothing was wrong with him.
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Lux
22
Recently Divorced
Lady in waiting/Spy
Tier 2 Character
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Post by Alice Calder on Oct 8, 2020 14:30:56 GMT -5
Alice was not a misunderstood soul. She made herself perfectly clear, always - or at least she tried to. Just like everyone else, she had her demons, but her demons liked to play a little.. differently. Alice’s darkness didn’t turn on her. It never told her she was worthless or made her feel like less than she believed she was. Rather, that hadn’t happened in quite some time. It was like she had gained some degree of control over it, at least. But therein lies the problem.
If her demons couldn’t destroy her from the inside, they’d destroy everything on the outside.
It was her environment that had suffered - the way she perceived her world. Suddenly, bright skies were dull, overcasting everything in a sickening shade of muddy grey. Even the stars didn’t look as bright to her as they once had. She became little more than an empty husk, numbing herself from the inside-out and pushing everyone to arm’s length. Happiness became fleeting and eventually, she could feel nothing on the outside - not even her family’s embrace. In response to the deadening of her world, she deadened herself. What else was she supposed to do? The blame could be cast nowhere else but on her and she couldn’t bear the weight of the burden.
To be fair, the process had started after her the first few months of being married to Darion. It just really solidified after the divorce.. By the time she met Nathaniel, it had been a little over two years of feeling.. Nothing. Then he came along and she felt everything all at once. Every time he touched her, even with her eyes closed, she could still somehow see that her world was again surrounded in color.
Is this what happiness looked like? A bright world filled with color and sound? Why was he the only one that could breathe life into her ever-darkening perspective?
His voice yanked her to the present harshly. Looking at him with an emptied gaze, she tried to reorient herself. His words appeared to trail off and she was glad he hadn’t said anything yet that warranted a response on her end. She didn’t think she could really formulate a sentence at that very moment. He spoke again and this time she was able to listen. “Are they both being honest with their answers?” A soft laugh escaped her and she looked away from him. “I suppose that’s the risk.” She shook her head, her voice softening. “But how do they know if the risk is worth taking?” She raised a brow only slightly as her eyes met his again. Was that what it all boiled down to? Was it the weight of the risk that solidified her place in silent denial?
She nodded her agreement with a small smile that age was just a number, listening when he spoke again saying he was going to try to woo her further on their date. She chuckled lightly, smirking at him as she regarded him with a curious expression. “So, shall I swoon into your arms now or after the date?” She asked playfully, batting her lashes before shaking her head lightly.
While Alice had been close to both of her siblings, she and Reese had always had a special connection. Perhaps it was because he was the baby of the family or maybe it was that the two of them had shared many common interests growing up. Her sister had always wanted a family. But Alice and Reese had always wanted success. When Nathaniel answered her question, she breathed a soft sigh of relief. “I am very pleased to know that he is well. That brings me comfort.” She dropped her gaze as she smiled. At his next words, she gave him a knowing look, lowering her brows over her eyes as she tilted her head. Still, she smiled. “I can hear him excitedly bragging about training with a Lieutenant already.” She joked with a laugh, giving her eyes half a roll. “Thank you.” She said sincerely, nodding her head only once.
He shrugged, saying she’d figuratively made him fall on his face in front of her. She laughed and gave him a curious look, matching his genuine smile with a smirk. “Have I?” She questioned, a sly glint in her brown eyes. “In what way?” Head tilted as her eyes fell to his lips, then back up again, her cockiness clear in her expression. He tried to urge her to finish her statement and she shrugged, giving him a playful look. “That is for me to know and you to find out.” She lifted her chin, feigning defiance. “What more could I do to help you make that decision?” She raised a brow at him as he continued to speak. Thinking for a moment, her brown eyes fell to the floor. “To be honest, I do not know. But I can say that you might be on the right track.” Again she shrugged, pretending to be nonchalant as she smirked.
It was such a silly and strange thing - the way she could feel everything he didn’t say. It was overwhelming; suffocating when coupled with all the things she felt. With each kiss, every touch, she was brought closer and closer to the ends of her self-control. She shouldn’t be here.. But his arms wrapped around her, pulling her body against his and it had taken everything within her to repress sighing against his lips. Despite his loose gentle hold, she still couldn’t break herself away. Not when everything about him pulled her in.
She was glad when he finally did what she could not. His touch was light as he held her shoulders and she couldn’t open her eyes to look at him. Shallow breaths were released between slightly parted lips as a single tremble ran down her body. It wasn’t clear how long she sat with her eyes closed, focusing on her breathing so maybe her head would stop spinning. Just that she did not look back at him until he was speaking. As the words registered she laughed a genuine laugh, shaking her head at him. For a split second, she’d thought back to what Audra had told her and pressed her lips into a hard line. She quickly shoved it back and offered a small smirk.
“Assuming you don’t mean the obvious fears like losing my brother in battle and things of that sort.” She sighed, giving him a questioning look despite her statement. “You.” Her expression was suddenly much more serious as she regarded him. “It’s you. This-” She gestured between them slowly, hesitance in every word as her gaze remained on his face, searching him for any reaction. Any trace of a smile was gone and she sighed. She wasn’t sure how to explain why it terrified her so much. She just knew that it did.
Letting a nervous laugh sound between them, she reached up to take his hands from her shoulders, holding them in hers and letting them fall into her lap. She looked up, offering him a casual expression, although the touch of an uneasy smile pulled up the corners of her mouth. “What do you desire most in your future?” She asked. It was a question she knew would require thought on her part, so it only served to make her more curious as to how quickly Nathaniel would be able to answer.
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Soleil
29
Single
Lieutenant of the Tresterian Army : Cavalry
Tier 2 Character
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Post by Nathaniel Starke on Oct 8, 2020 21:16:30 GMT -5
Everyone had their demons, for sure- Nathaniel’s had come to him at just five years old, and they have remained with him since as if they were and always would be a part of him. Like Alice, his had left him feeling empty and hollow, but he also still felt the worthlessness- that he was never good enough, that he would never be accepted or loved for who he was. He would always have this dark cloud looming over his head, ruining his chance at a good and happy life. He did not deserve a good life. His demons destroyed him both on the inside and the outside. It made moments like this- with Alice- all of the life she was somehow breathing into him, feel all the more heartbreaking. Because it wouldn’t last. It couldn’t. He wasn’t allowed and he constantly told himself that no one deserved to put up with a man like him. Did that make him some kind of monster? He was not a good man to be involved with- and he had warned Alice of this several times now.
“But how do they know if the risk is worth taking?” Nathaniel looked her over for a moment until her eyes met his again and he gave her a nervous smile before shrugging his shoulders. “I suppose if your gut tells you it’s alright to risk everything?” He breathed a small laugh out his nose again as he recalled their first philosophical conversation with one another and he shook his head, a slight smirk twitching the corners of his lips as he looked down at his hands. Why was his own gut telling him that he wanted so badly to take the risk- to take a leap of faith with Alice? What was so different about her? Was it that he felt she could very well be the only person he’d ever met that knew what it was like to struggle and deal with those inner demons? Or was it the way she made him feel? That she hadn’t allowed Audra’s words and accusations to change her opinion of him? Maybe there were many reasons but his mind wanted to doubt them all.
Nathaniel smiled at her, watching as she batted her lashes at him, playfully asking him if she should swoon now or wait until after their date. “Hmm…” He scratched his thin in thought and gave her that cocky grin of his- something that had been absent from him since their night at the ball. “I guess that depends- have I already wooed you, then? I will gladly catch you now or after the date... Or anytime you wish to swoon over me.” He chuckled softly and playfully winked at her.
He found himself laughing at Alice’s comment of her brother bragging about training with a Lieutenant, but he shrugged his shoulders and tilted his head in a humbled fashion. Was it really something to brag about? Maybe if he was higher up in the ranks. But Nathaniel said nothing until she thanked him. His eyebrows lowered and he shook his head. “There’s no need to thank me. I’m happy to do it.” He quietly thought for a moment of his friend Elias and smiled, “I had someone once kind of take me under their wing when I needed it the most... I should finally pay it back.”
Alice was questioning him about his comment of falling on his face in front of her. He nodded in response, “Mmhmm,” he quietly hummed. But she was asking him to elaborate and he wasn’t quite sure what to say- or if he wanted to. He felt that maybe he was starting to fall for her. He stared at her for a moment, giving her that look filled with a longing desire. Wasn’t it obvious? Or had he hidden it well enough that she hadn’t been able to see right through him? “I-” He hesitated and looked away from her, letting a humorless laugh out his nose as he shook his head. What could he say? That she made him nervous? That he cared for her? He couldn’t bring himself to say what deep down he wanted to say. “I don’t really know how to explain it.” What he should have said was the response he got from Alice. “That is for me to know and you to find out.” He narrowed his eyes at her playfully and shook his head, letting out a small laugh. It would appear she did not wish to speak her thoughts as well. But he was on the right track, she told him. He smirked and let out a fake sigh of relief, “Well that’s good. ” Nathaniel did not understand the pull Alice had on him- how it was so easy to get lost in her kisses, how he allowed her to push himself so close to his limits. She had this strange power over him and he couldn’t explain it. It made him sad, scared, nervous, yet… hopeful and excited. But in the end, his demons would always seem to take over, reminding him that this could never be. He was nothing but a pathetic coward and would never be able to let go of what had happened to him. When he opened his eyes, he half expected to see her concerned and confused or hurt expression for him pulling away so abruptly. But Alice kept her eyes closed and that made him feel somewhat relieved- she would not see the panic that was in his eyes. It was enough time for him to gain his composure before she looked back at him and began to answer his question. “Assuming you don’t mean the obvious fears like losing my brother in battle and things of that sort.” He wasn’t sure what he had meant by his question, he had just used it as a mechanism to move past his own fears. She could have answered that and he would have been fine with her answer. It was a legitimate fear that Nathaniel knew all too well. But she was dismissing it and he suddenly felt so nervous for some reason. He looked at her curiously, his eyes filled with concern as he wondered if she were about to tell him something worse than her fearing the loss of a loved one. What he hadn’t expected was for her to blurt out that one word. You. His heart immediately sank and his expression probably changed to one of confusion as he regarded her. He said nothing and just stared at her, instead. “It’s you. This-” As she gestured, he allowed his gaze to fall. It nearly hurt him to hear her say that, yet he didn’t blame her. Didn’t he feel the same exact way about her? About this? Nathaniel sat there in silence, his gaze downward as he thought to himself. He thought back to their conversation on the night of the ball. He had pulled away from her kiss then, too, and told her he had gotten carried away- that he didn’t want to frighten or disrespect her. She had responded: “I think you’re wrong about that. You couldn’t frighten me if you tried.”"How do you know that?" He had quietly asked her. “I’ve never feared anyone and I don’t plan on starting now...Besides, I’ve dealt with much worse than you.”He looked back at her, that same look of confusion on his face. But before he could say anything, Alice was removing his hands from her shoulders and holding them in hers and resting them in her lap. He saw her uneasy smile, to which he returned with his own. She had just admitted she feared him, yet she made no attempt at withdrawing from him. She was asking him a different question that he barely heard- he was still hung up on her response to his last question. After a brief moment, it finally registered in his mind and he felt his heart catch in his throat suddenly. What did he desire most in his future? For the longest time, he hadn’t a clue. Maybe he still didn’t. But now, he was beginning to question a lot of things. He sighed quietly and searched her eyes, his expression intense and serious as he looked at her. “Before I answer that--” His voice was low and deep, echoing slightly in his chest. His eyes remained intensely on her, but they were tinged with a hint of concern. “You said you’ve never feared anyone before, and you did not plan to start... Why is your greatest fear me? Of this? I never intended to--” He hesitated and shook his head, looking away from her for a moment as he tried to gather his thoughts. Part of him knew that she did not mean she feared him in a sense as if he were a threat to her. Not physically, at least. Emotionally, though? His heart sank all over again and he looked back up at her with a look of sorrow. “Maybe you are right to fear me. I’ve told you before I am not a good man to get involved with.” She had been honest with him in her answer, so now he would let her in on a little more about himself. “It’s difficult for me to open up…To be the kind of man women want. I’m cold and distant… My walls will always be up and I will push you away any chance that I can. It’s who I am…” And he would start to try and push her away now. “It would be best for you to just walk away now before--” He tilted his head back and looked up at the ceiling for a moment before he closed his eyes and let a sigh out his nose. His jaw clenched as he tried to regain his composure, the strength he needed to say what he wanted to say next. He looked back at her, his brows furrowing as he showed her a look of pain and disgust. Disgust and disappointment in himself. The tone of his voice stern and tinged with a hint of anger. “What do I desire most in my future?” He repeated her question as if stalling himself some time, trying to calm his nerves. His knee started to bounce nervously and he squeezed her hands. His jaw clenched again and he shook his head slowly. He could feel his heart thundering in his chest and he struggled to get any type of sound out his mouth. He couldn’t do this. He pulled his hands from hers and quickly stood, walking away from her quickly. He nervously paced for a moment before he moved to the fireplace and threw another log into the fire as if trying to distract himself from anything else. But it was useless. He could feel Alice’s gaze on him still. He could feel the lingering tension in the air once again and he couldn’t stop the nervous tightness he felt in his chest. He inhaled deeply and turned to face her again. His eyes were filled with pain and he shook his head again before he blurted out words. “You. I want you. I want this…” He gestured between them, exactly what she had just done moments ago. He paused for a moment, searching her for her own reaction to his words. But he did not smile, he did not look happy. Instead, he looked angry and sad and confused. “But I can’t have it. I will never have anything good in my life because I always manage to fuck everything up because I am fucked up!” He lifted a hand to cover over his eyes and he squeezed his fingers against his brow before rubbing his forehead out of frustration. He was overreacting. He was saying too much. He would surely scare her away now. He let out a saddened laugh and shook his head, letting his hand drop back to his side. He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. He had lost control over his emotions and he didn’t know why. This wasn’t like him. He always was able to keep calm, to push down his thoughts and emotions. But Alice- she sparked something in him. She reminded him that there were good things in life worth taking a risk for. He wanted to take a risk with her. But he doubted himself. He doubted everything. With another deep breath, he looked back at her only briefly, mainly to see her reaction, but he quickly let his gaze fall as he shook his head. His voice was a lot calmer when he spoke. “I’m sorry-- I did not mean to-” He scratched the back of his neck and squeezed his eyes shut. He did not mean to lose his temper. But there was no taking it back now. So why not add a bit more salt to the opened wound? "Clearly...I've allowed myself to start to feel something for you...To somehow let you in...And that terrifies me." He suddenly felt extremely vulnerable and weak as he stood there in front of her. When he spoke, his voice was low and he sounded defeated. “Let’s just get you back home…” Had he just ruined everything?
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