Nathaniel Starke

[Nathaniel Starke]

I will never know MYSELF until I do this on my  o w n
And I will  n e v e r  feel anything else until my W O U N D S  are healed
I will  n e v e r  be anything 'til I  b r e a k  away from me
And I will break away, and find myself TODAY.

FULL NAME :: Nathaniel Starke
BIRTH DATE :: December 16th
AGE :: Twenty-Nine
HEIGHT :: 6’0"
WEIGHT :: 179 lbs.
EYE COLOR :: Brown
HAIR COLOR :: Brown
HOMELAND :: Tresteria
MARITAL STATUS :: Single
FAMILY TIES :: Father: Matthew Starke, Mother: Abigail Starke, Sisters (2 younger: ages 24 and 19)
OCCUPATION :: Lieutenant of Tresterian army
MARKINGS :: Random scars from training and battle and some from abuse he endured as a child/teenager, large scar on his back at his right shoulder blade from an arrow, self-inflicted scars up his arms.
PERSONALITY :: Nathaniel is confident and may come across as cocky at times, but he means well. He is good natured, charming and kind. He appears quiet and standoff-ish at times, but mostly because he is a very serious man and is quiet until he needs to speak or is among friends or family. He is also extremely sarcastic. Has bouts of anger.
LIKES :: Swords, fighting, horses, sweets and baked goods, pears, the colors blue and red, ale, books and reading.
DISLIKES :: Intimacy, abuse, people who are fake, people who think they are better than everyone else, small dogs,
GRAMARYE :: n/a

The devil  w h i s p e r e d  in my ear,
"your not STRONG enough to withstand the  s t o r m."
Today I whispered in the DEVIL'S ear,
"I am the storm."

ABOUT NATHANIEL ::

[Disclaimer: There are some things in Nathaniel’s back story that might be sensitive/trigger warnings for some. Please read at your own risk. TW: Child abuse, sexual assault, self harm.]

• Nathaniel is the first born and only son of Matthew and Abigail Starke. His father was in the military and expected him to follow in his footsteps. There was no other option for him. His mother stayed home to care for him and his two younger sisters. She enjoyed baking, however, and was constantly selling pies, breads and cookies to others.
• Matthew Starke was extremely strict when it came to Nathaniel. He expected his son to grow up being the best and to be a strong and capable fighter like he was. He was constantly pushing him to do better and work harder. Nathaniel was forced to begin training at the age of five by a personal trainer, Baldric, who was also a friend of Matthew’s.
• Little did his father know that this personal trainer had an abusive demeanor and both verbally and physically abused Nathaniel. He would purposefully strike at him with his hands or even with swords, shoot arrows at him, to “teach lessons”. Baldric would tell his parents that Nathaniel just needed to work harder at defending himself.
• At first the abuse was verbal and demeaning, making Nathaniel self-doubt himself, making him feel worthless and wrong for anything and everything. As he got older, the abuse turned physical. He would be shot with arrows, burned with hot iron or coals, struck with swords, stabbed, whatever Baldric felt like doing to “teach his lessons” and make Nathaniel stronger. When Nathaniel was just ten years old, he learned that Baldric favored men and he began to sexually abuse him, telling him he was teaching him how to become a man and showing him how to please women (or men). Nathaniel was constantly threatened by the man and told to never tell his parents or anyone about what went on during their training. He often threatened his mother or sisters if he said anything. He also ordered Nathaniel to never fight back and that he was to endure everything inflicted to him or he would visit his mother and sisters and make them endure what he fought back on.
  Whenever his parents asked about wounds he’d come home with, he simply told them he lost his fight with Baldric that day and was taught a lesson.
  
• Nathaniel endured this for almost a year. 
• One day, his father (who was growing suspicious of these training Baldric was having with his son because Nathaniel came home once with a bloodied face and could barely walk) followed his son to the designated training area and witnessed Baldric about to rape his son. He instantly stopped him and fought him, telling Nathaniel to go home. Matthew later returned covered in blood. He had killed Baldric and informed Nathan he would not be attending his training any longer and would come with him to Military island to join the ranks, earlier than the typical enlisting age (he was only eleven). They never spoke about what happened, but Nathaniel could tell his father struggled with guilt about the whole thing.
  
• Things got better once Nathaniel joined the ranks. If Baldric did anything good for him, it was to truly give him the strength to withstand and endure things. He struggled at first with fighting back, but all of that pent up anger and frustration of never being able to fight back quickly came out of him and he proved to be a strong and skilled fighter. He was quick to move up in ranks and gain some confidence in himself again.
  
• With having gotten used to the abuse, once it was missing from his life, he felt that he did not deserve to go a day without some form of torture. He inflicts pain on himself to accomplish this. He lives with the secret of what had happened to him and is embarrassed and ashamed of it, so he never talks about it. He tries to force it back and pretends to be normal when in fact his mind is so messed up from everything that had happened. He represses it through his fighting and keeping himself busy.
  
• He tries not to get too serious with women because he is terrified of being intimate. Nathaniel doesn’t allow this fear to show, because he usually makes up excuses to end relationships/push people away before things begin to get serious or intimate.
  
• Nathaniel once dated a woman (Audra) who ended up making his life more complicated than it already was.  When she tried to force intimacy on him, he allowed his fear to take over him and he pushed her away (both physically and emotionally).  She wasn't hurt but it scared her enough to run away.  Later on, Nathaniel was being arrested for accusations of raping Audra.  She had spread lies about him in order to save her own reputation- an excuse to why she and Nathaniel were no longer together (no one could know that she had been turned down and risk being seen as undesirable.)  He spent time in prison until his friend Elias and his father managed to help clear things up and get him out.  But the rumors had done enough damage to ruin a lot he had worked for, and he had to spend over a year trying to clean up the mess her lies had caused.