More than Restless Mornings

[Anemone Sellar]

Anemone woke to gentle sunlight shining into her small bedroom in the Tresterian castle. The light that normally soothed her soul was like a knife to the eyes, and the instant she became aware of the pain her stomach lurched. Frantically she flung her blankets out of the way and fell out of the bed, dragging the chamber pot out from beneath it just in time. 

While she'd managed to relieve the nausea, it was soon replaced with cold dread. On the ship, she'd been able to assume that her illness was simple seasickness. It usually ceased by noon, and while she'd gotten some teasing from the men on the ship, she hadn't let herself dwell on it. Now that she was on dry land once more, sleeping in her own bed rather than a wobbling cot, she could no longer make excuses. Even before the ship, too, she'd been having dizzy spells. She had completely missed her last cycle, and this one was two weeks later than it should have been, at least.  Now that she had connected the signs, she wouldn't be able to ignore this any longer. 

Tears welled in her eyes, but she swiftly wiped them with the sleeve of her nightgown. It was no use weeping over, now--there were so many larger things at stake than her own peace. She spit the nasty taste from her mouth along with her memory of the king before she forced herself to her feet. She moved slowly to the wardrobe in an attempt to keep the nausea at bay.

As she dressed, she found herself standing there, staring down at her stomach with the palms of her hands pressed against it rather than actually tightening the corset over her black mourning dress. The king had been making use of her for months, so there was no way of telling exactly how far along she might be. When would she start to feel the child move? What would they be like, this tiny person born from such horrors? Tears threatened again, and she shook her head as if to free herself from her thoughts. She jerked her corset tight and bit back a groan of pain as it crushed her sensitive chest. It served her right, she thought, although she wasn't entirely sure why. 

She swiftly brushed through her hair and tied it back with a ribbon before plastering a smile on her face and striding off to find the queen. This was no time to be dwelling in her own worries--Eleesa was going to be thrown to the lions now that she was home, and Anemone was determined to support her. A servant was already on their way out of the queen's rooms as she arrived, and Anemone smiled at her as they traded places. Her smile faded, however, as she caught sight of the queen who, despite her beauty, seemed to be bearing the weight of the world on her shoulders.

"Good morning, your majesty. I hope you were able to get some rest, after the long journey," she greeted Eleesa Demarais softly, "I heard in the halls that the young princes slept most of yesterday and still won't leave their beds this morning."

[Eleesa Demarais]

Exhaustion. Fear. Disgust. These words could barely explain how she felt. It was everything and so much more weighing her down, and Eleesa was quite aware that it was about to get far worse.

She sat there for the longest time in front of her vanity, only vaguely aware of anyone who hustled around in her room. There were dark circles under eyes, wrinkles from laughter already showing at the corners because of her children alone, and that small scar above her lip seemed more obvious than it had ever been before. She could hear her late husband's voice screaming at her, remembering what had angered him so much to actually lash out at her. It was his decorative wedding band that cut and left that mark on her face...but it had been the only time he struck her.

Still, the pain and abuse did not end. It had become emotional and she was powerless against it. At least God had answered her in making sure Edward's rage didn't extend to her children; he had actually loved them dearly...apparently the only thing she had done right, according to him.

Eleesa was staring at her wedding ring now as it rested on the vanity in front of her. She didn't want to put it on, didn't want to remember...yet today was all about remembrance. Today, they were to bury and honor their late king. And she had to act like she cared. Today, she had to expect the Council would try to sink their claws into her son.

Bright eyes blinked at the sound of Anemone's voice, and she finally focused upon her face through the reflection in the mirror, offering a gentle smile. "I want them to sleep for as long as they can. Today will be a long one..." Eleesa refrained from sighing, turning around in her seat to regard the girl with a gentle furrow of her brow. The queen didn't say it, but Ann still looked ill. "How have you been feeling?"

[Anemone Sellar]

Anemone nodded her agreement to the queen's plan of letting the boys rest--it would be a long day indeed. Truly, the princes might be among the rare few who actually mourned the loss of Edward. While she knew that her own torment could be at least partially blamed on the poison that had slowly corrupted the king's mind, it seemed to her that the poison had only served to strengthen his natural inclinations towards avarice, lechery, and violence. The vivid white of the queen's small scar seemed to glow in confirmation as the early morning sunlight hit her face. No, Edward might not have been entirely rotten, but he'd certainly been spoiled long before Renaud's interference.

At the queen's inquiry after her own health, Anemone stood up a little straighter and did her best to smile more sincerely. 

"A bit worse for wear, I'm afraid, but nothing to worry over. Sea travel has never agreed with me," she lied with a gentle laugh. 

She didn't want to be a source of any more worries for the queen--her first encounter with King Edward had been painful for both of them. Despite her attempts to defend herself, she couldn't help feeling that she'd stabbed the queen in the back by drawing her husband's attentions. She wouldn't be able to hide her troubles forever, but she couldn't bear to give her one more twist of the knife, not today. Today they would bury their tormentor and begin to move forward.

She moved to stand behind the queen, taking up the necklace that one of the servants had already set out for her to wear. She swept the queen's long hair aside and fastened the necklace around her throat without thinking, easily falling into the habit of helping her to get ready for the day. It was a strangely intimate gesture, but this was one of her favorite parts of the day--these quiet moments with the queen she admired and no one else there to plague her with miseries.

"I'm more worried about you, your highness," She confessed as she combed her fingers through the queen's hair next and began to shape it into a simple, but elegant twist. As she spoke, she deftly pinned the style in place. "I suspect that today will be a trial of its own, for you. I hope to do whatever I can to support you through it."

[Eleesa Demarais]

The poor thing had been so ill nearly the entire trip home, and there had been little anyone could do. Cassandra often didn't fair well either on the seas, but she managed to handle this trip a little better than Anemone. Still, those eyes remained upon the girl in gentle concern before she sat forward again, her back straightening. "If you need the day to rest...please, take it." Even if Ann was feeling well enough, this would be a nice out for her, to avoid pretending to mourn a man who had hurt her.

In the end, Edward had hurt many people. Sadly, Eleesa wished it could be some sort of sick comfort that she hadn't been alone in enduring her husband's torment, but it made it all the worse. While Anemone and Alexandria somehow silently blamed themselves for the king's behavior, it was foolish. Edward was sick even before the poison. He affected not just the women he tried to bed, but his entire family. Soon enough, it may have expanded to the Tresterian people and put the kingdom at risk.

Eleesa desperately tried to remember this, aware of how difficult the next few days, even weeks would be for her. But she hadn't backed down and didn't plan to. Even while she heard rumors in the halls. Only two days home and the council was making sure she was aware of their plans. They were trying to throw a particular deGrey into the regency and she torn up about it.

When Anemone spoke again, she offered her a soft, reassuring smile but couldn't find the words to say. The queen fell silent for a long while, finding comfort in the silence and those fingers in her hair. Even if they didn't speak, Eleesa enjoyed Ann's company...perhaps because they understood each other in a sad, deep way.

Finally, bright blues rose to find the girl's face in the mirror again, swallowing the hard lump in her throat that indicated she was fighting tears back this entire time. "Is it...wrong of me not to truly mourn him? Is it wrong that a part of me is relieved?" she asked quietly, as though fearful someone else might hear. Despite the fight for regency that was sure to come, it was almost as though a small weight had been lifted from her shoulders.

[Anemone Sellar]

Anemone shook her head emphatically at the suggestion she take the day. Not only was she sure the queen could use every bit of support she could get on this day, of all days, she also knew herself well enough to know that if she was left to her own devices she would surely spend the day weeping alone in her bed. No, this was a better use of her time and her heart.

She was almost able to quiet her mind as she worked, and finally, just as she tucked a jeweled pin into the queen's hair, the other woman's movement broke the spell. She met the queen's eyes in the reflection, and couldn't help her instant response.

"No," she answered just as quietly, but with absolute certainty, and never broke eye contact. "You lost him long before this, and you've had to live with it every day since. This...this is just a shell. Hardly the same man you married, and more a monster than anything else."

Perhaps she ought to have replied with more tact, or had more consideration for who might overhear, but alone in the room, she felt free to speak her mind with Queen Eleesa, just as she always did. She meant what she said, too. She may have only been at court for a year, but it was no secret how the king's attention had wandered as soon as he had an heir. He wasn't even stealthy in his affairs; he kept his mistresses laughing and flirting with him before the whole court. No, she'd heard the stories long before she came to live here, and she'd seen their truth within the first day.

She mourned, this day, but not for the death of the king: she mourned for the certainty of the queen's role. Already the vultures were beginning to circle her and the children, eager to take power for themselves. They couldn't even fathom letting the queen run this country the way it ought to be, simply because she was female. It made Anemone sick to her stomach, although she knew better than to complain just yet. The queen would need more than the support of her husband's unwilling mistress if she wished to become the country's regent...but that support had yet to reveal itself. Anemone wondered if no one could see the quiet strength that she did in Eleesa--or if those that did were only the other women who had a deeper sympathy for her plight.

[Avalynn O'Shea]

Avalynn was running late. So so late. She overslept and she was hating herself right now. Shame on her for staying up all night flirting with a boy. But he was so sweet to her, and their conversation had been so captivating. Unfortunately, it had only been that. Avalynn was a good girl, despite all the flirting she did. Many people probably thought she slept around, perhaps--but that was far from the truth.

She didn't spend too much time on herself as she got ready. A simple black dress and she threw her hair up into a braid. Then, she went sprinting down the hallway until she reached the queen's quarters. The door was thrown in and Avalynn made her presence known, catching her breath as she entered. "So so so sorry!!!" She called out, shutting the door behind her.

She rushed in and accidentally tripped over the rug, shrieking slightly as she caught herself. My word, she was a mess! "Oh my goodness, I am so sorry!" She laughed at herself and steadied herself, taking a quick moment to gather her wits, brush the wrinkles from her dress and compose herself.
A smile was offered to Ann and Eleesa. Ann had already done most of the work, and she felt guilty. "What can I do, your majesty? I am here now. I am sorry I am late."

[Eleesa Demarais]

Eleesa had loved him. At least at the beginning when he had been so sweet and charming, even extra caring for her. Maybe he had honestly loved her then as well. But once she gave him two sons, his gaze wandered as it was with most men. She was no longer the "love of his life", she was no longer the "most beautiful woman he ever laid eyes on." She was no longer anything to him except the mother of his children. The crown that rested atop her head was nothing but a flashy trinket; her voice had never held any weight.

She felt her heart thunder within her chest, wondering if she should have kept that question to herself. Anemone had always been honest with her, and Eleesa constantly encouraged it, as well as with Avalynn. They were her eyes and ears when she needed them to be, carrying her from day to day when she feared her knees would give out on her.

So when Ann answered so quickly and sternly, a sob shuttered in her chest. Not from being upset, but from relief. A couple of those tears left wet trails down her cheeks as she reached for the girl's hand to plant a kiss to her knuckles in a silent thank you. Anemone had been through a lot in regards to Edward, and Eleesa had not forgotten. She was grateful, regardless of her husband's horribleness, that her lady remained so loyal and devoted to her, and the queen desperately wished she could have protected her better.

At least now they were both free of him.

Startled when her door opened abruptly, Eleesa sat up a little straighter to wipe the tears from her face. "Avalynn..." she began, collecting herself. "It's quite alright, love. Really." She tried to reassure her. Everyone was a bit slow and sluggish this morning, and she didn't appear willing to move any faster. "Up late were we?" She eyed the girl through the mirror, a smirk curling her lips in knowing. She certainly wasn't chastising her, but that didn't mean she wasn't going to tease.

"I suppose powder to cover...this..." she answered the girl as a finger fluttered near that small, white scar above her upper lip. Her brow furrowed, her mind immediately changing. "No, leave it." Eleesa didn't say it, but she wasn't going to hide that reminder behind makeup anymore. It was a reminder of her husband's cruelty, there for anyone to see and understand when she could not use her words.

Drawing in a deep breath, she smoothed out the front of that dress as she stood, gesturing towards the corset that had been laid out. "If you could just help with that horribly constricting thing." Eleesa was trying to remain in good spirits, knowing she wouldn't be able to be for the rest of the day.

[Anemone Sellar]

Anemone jumped as well at her friend's sudden entrance, but she relaxed immediately when she saw who it was. She gave the other girl a shining smile, perhaps her most sincere one all morning.

"Good morning, Avalynn, dear!"

Ava was one of the few other people she trusted--anyone truly loyal to Eleesa was someone she would trust as well, and of course it helped that Ava was an absolute darling. The two of them were alike enough that some people had thought them sisters, little blonde mirrors following after their blonde queen. They made for quite a sight, these three lovely women decked in their finest attending masques and events. She missed such lighthearted times, even if they'd had to make the fun for themselves, and could not rely on the king.

The queen's decision to leave her scar uncovered filled her with pride. Good. Let the world see her as she was--a woman who had not let her husband's poisoned mind or heart destroy her. She let Avalynn help with the corset, and brought over the black shoes to match the dress. With that, her lady's preparations would be complete...and soon they would have to go out and face the world.

[Avalynn O'Shea]

Avalynn was quick to let out a little giggle at the queen's question, but she covered her mouth as if that laugh escaped her without her permission. She forced herself to grow more serious, though she couldn't hide the smile from her lips. She expected the queen to know her well enough to know that she wasn't up doing unladylike things, at least. "I just couldn't fall asleep. Good morning, good morning, good moooorniiinggg!" She sang her last 'good morning', making it quite obvious that she was in a good mood. Although, when wasn't she, really? It was honestly difficult to tell when Avalynn was in a bad mood.

She stepped up behind the queen and looked at her through the mirror, glancing at Anemone and smiling at her. She had grabbed the container of powder at the queen's request to cover up the scar, as they had done so many times before. But when she suddenly changed her mind, Avalynn smiled softly and set the container down. "You are beautiful no matter what, my queen. Strong. Beautiful. Kind." She rested her hand on the woman's shoulder briefly before turning to glance at the corset laid out on the bed, and she gave a knowing look. "I won't tie it too tightly." She whispered with a playful smirk.

Avalynn helped the woman up out of the chair and waited for her to stand and get into position before she got the corset on around her torso and began to tie it for her. "How are you feeling about everything? If I may ask?"

[Eleesa Demarais]

Although she appeared well put together, her stomach was twisting into knots. She just refused to let it show because the day was already going to be an emotional mess. And she had to pretend to be completely devastated. For a moment, Eleesa wondered how many people would mourn her husband...besides her sons. They were so distraught and confused, and she struggled to console them properly.

How was she supposed to do that when she felt little to no remorse herself? How was she to comfort them when she herself felt free and liberated?

Avalynn's gentle laughter and musical words pulled her from these dark thoughts, managing to draw out another soft smile. Of course she knew the young woman wasn't getting into trouble. She was simply a hopeless romantic, and she loved that about her. Eleesa had been that way once...so long ago. She prayed Ava never lost it, and that both of these girls found their perfect matches. Fortunately, the queen could help them with that and not have to force them into any arrangement they didn't desire. That was a comforting thought.

Blue eyes turned to Avalynn, her expression softening from her words. These two were always so kind to her, and she was desperate to protect them even more now. Especially Anemone. The guilt for what Edward had done was always going to linger at the back of her mind, just as it would with Alexandria. As though all of it was somehow her fault that she could not stop him, or wasn't good enough to keep his gaze from wandering. "I do not...feel as such, but thank you." Another soft laugh at her comment about the corset, she lifted her arms up so that they could fit it around her before she slipped into the provided shoes.

"I'm-" Eleesa paused in her answer, drawing in a slow and deep breath. "Terrified. I don't...know what to expect. I've been hearing rumors, but the council hasn't tried to drag my son into anything yet. I just-" She had to stop and shut her eyes for a moment. "Tomorrow will be even harder."

[Anemone Sellar]

Anemone sighed softly at the queen's comments about her sons being dragged into the mess of politics. She was right, of course, they wouldn't be able to be children for much longer--now they were pieces in a much larger game. It was disappointing, but she trusted that with their mother's guidance they would become good men.

"We'll face tomorrow, tomorrow," she answered the queen as she moved to stand in front of her so she could look in the other woman's eyes. "We'll take today as it comes, for now, and I think that's more than enough. Ava and I will be right there with you, the entire time, my lady." She smiled gently and clasped her hands behind her back to prevent herself from throwing her arms around the queen's neck and hugging her tightly. This woman had been through too much already, and it broke Anemone's heart to see a bunch of greedy men drag her through even more garbage.

She leaned to the side then, to peek around the queen and smile at Avalynn. The two of them were an excellent team, and she had every confidence that they would be able to make this day easier for Queen Eleesa, even if it wasn't fun for any of them.

"We'll be there with whatever you need before you even have a chance to need it, won't we, Ava? Plus, I've got a bag packed with sweets to distract the princes if they start to get too fidgety."

[Avalynn O'Shea]

Avalynn frowned slightly as the queen stated she did not feel strong, beautiful or kind. She was, and if Avalynn could do anything to convince her that she should feel that way, she would do so until she was blue in the face.


She quietly helped Eleesa into the corsette and began to gently tie up the laces, pulling tight enough to keep it on her, but not too tight as to make it difficult for her to move or breathe. As she admitted she was terrified, she frowned again. Before she could say anything, Anemone was already chiming in. She quietly listened, allowing her to speak and try to comfort Eleesa. She nodded in agreement. "Yes, we will be with you and won't leave your sight unless you get sick of us and shoo us away!" She giggled softly, focusing her attention on the laces.


She caught Anemone's glance and grinned at her, winking playfully. "Of course. We might even be able to read your mind by now, majesty... You won't even have to ask for anything."

[Eleesa Demarais]

There were things she had to do, people she needed to speak with. But in all honesty, Eleesa didn't know where to begin. Right now, she should be allowed a breather, to allow things to settle, but she couldn't. To do so would risk her finding any possible advantage she might have.

Anemone claimed her attention first, and her eyes softened considerably. Today there should be no politics. Today was a whole other misery instead. She was right- deal with it all tomorrow because there was far too much to handle right now. But a smile slowly began to crease her lips, listening to the girl's words and it took everything within her not to cry. Avalynn's input was only making it harder.

Even if Ann tried not to embrace her, Eleesa was immediately drawing both her ladies towards her in an embrace. A few years younger than she was, the queen always felt like they could have been the sisters she never had. The sisters she so desperately needed. After he sons, they were the only others truly keeping her from completely breaking down and falling apart. Kept her from dark thoughts that had often crept into her mind. They constantly tried patching up the cracks within her resolve in order to keep her standing.

"I do not know what I would do without either of you..." Eleesa pressed a kiss to the top of Anemone's head before leaning over and planting one on Ava's cheek, since she was a tall drink of water, a few inches taller than the queen. "When in doubt, though...wine. Wine will always be good." A gentle laugh, she tried to ease the mood even a little bit. Her voice then dropped to a whisper, "Or brandy, if we're feeling brazen."

[Anemone Sellar]

Anemone sighed happily into the queen's hug, and now that she had permission, she put her arms around Eleesa's waist and hugged her firmly in return. Goodness, she loved this woman, perhaps even more than her blood sisters. She deserved so much better than this. She may be just one girl, but she was glad she had a joyful partner like Avalynn to help her. Together they would lighten Eleesa's burden.

"May we never find out," Anemone teased, grinning up at the queen. "Whatever happens, I'm the happiest serving you."

Her comment about the wine made Anemone giggle. It was good to hear her joking with them--perhaps they might make it through this day, yet. "Duly noted."

[Avalynn O'Shea]

Avalynn finished lacing up Eleesa's corset just as she was being drawn into a hug. She smiled softly and hugged the queen back. This was starting to get a little too emotional now, especially when their queen admitted she did not know what she would do without them. She smiled as the kiss to her cheek and let out a small giggle.

"Oh pish posh!" She waved her hand as she pulled out of he hug. "Stop before we all start crying like little foolish girls!" Avalynn grinned and went back to the corset to make sure everything was good. "Yes... Wine will always be good!" She repeated Eleesa's words. "And we shall keep it flowing until you tell us it is time for the brandy." She laughed softly before taking a step back and moving in front of the queen to take a glance at her. Her hands went to her mouth, covering it, her expression one of admiration. "Oh you look lovely as always!" She said excitedly. "What else can we do for you to get you ready?"