things my heart used to know

[Julien Debienne]

Julien said he would, so he had to. Or perhaps a part of him was worried the woman would come knocking on his door again for not showing up.

Now, he hadn't promised Dani anything, exactly, and a part of him wondered if she would even remember her adventure to Blackthorn Manor but a few days ago. He was almost ready to chance not showing up, banking on her inebriated state to have forgotten she requested his company to the marchioness' new years party in the first place, but the scent of her still lingered on his sheets, albeit less than that first night. It made him recall things he shouldn't, made him wonder even more things that he knew he should be ignoring.

As much as he adored the woman's company, there were plenty of times where her presence often made him confused. Sometimes the feeling didn't last long, or it would remain for awhile. It was time to man up now, get over it, and maybe just get sloshed in a room full of people he likely didn't give two shits about. All except one particularly chaotic deGrey.

Stepping out of the carriage, he made his way towards the front door of Dani's home and rapped his gloved knuckles against the door. Julien came prepared with a flask full of whiskey stashed inside his coat pocket, and clutched gently between his fingers was a single, white rose.

[ Dani deGrey ]

[Dani deGrey]

She had woken in Julien’s bed that day, squinting against the narrow ray of sunlight that had fallen square across her eyes. As always, Dani deGrey had woke slowly… stretching languidly and wriggling further beneath the sheets in a vain attempt to slip back into that peaceful, dreamless sleep she had been enjoying up until mere moments before. It had taken her a few moments to realise that this wasn’t her bed- at least it wasn’t anymore- and longer still for her to recall just how she had ended up wrapped up in her ex-husband’s sheets.

It was probably a good thing Dani didn’t seem to feel shame.

Still slightly tipsy from the night before, Dani had done as she had promised- borrowed Julien’s carriage and made the trip home. To her home. She would check in with Drew and Dec later… that day all the woman wanted to do was curl up and sleep away the fogginess that had crept into her mind. So that was exactly what she had done.

Dani hadn’t been joking that night- when she had promised she would drag him to the New Year’s party. She fully expected to have to literally have to drag Julien from Blackthorn that evening though, so the carriage was prepared and waiting by the time Dani had finished getting ready- dressed in red as she had promised.

What Dani hadn’t expected was Julien Debienne to be at her door- ready, dressed, and with a rose of all things. Perfectly timed as he arrived the moment she was leaving to collect him.

”You’re here!” She chimed brightly, not bothering to hide how happy she was to see him. ”And you brought flowers! Well a flower! Aww Jules, you shouldn’t have- well you should have showed up as it’s saved me a trip but you didn’t need to bring flowers! I’m guessing you’re ready to go? You’ve surely not come aaaallll this way just to stand me up, right!”

[Julien Debienne]

Strangely, Julien half expected her to be gone. He didn't know why he was so worried to think that she had completely forgotten about it, but it wasn't like he dressed up every other day now, either. He was either at work or he was at home- there was rarely any in between.

Damn, his life really did get dull, didn't it? At least he'd be the first to admit it, and maybe that was why Dani wasn't at Blackthorn dragging him out of it.

And it would seem the surprises were already starting for the evening. Julien didn't expect it to actually be her on the other side of that door, but he brushed away the bewildered look from his face to give her a quick once over. Red. She recalled their conversation, so even still, Dani had a knack for holding her liquor pretty well. It was astonishing, really. He couldn't remember the last time he drank that hard, so he should probably watch himself tonight.

A slow smile found his lips before his eyes were back on her face. He stood by his comment- she truly did look perfect in red, and his expression shared that much. Holding that rose out to her, he chuckled gently, "I would have gotten you a whole bouquet but...I figured you'd probably just kill them in a week." That grin of his was suddenly cheeky, and he would offer his arm to her if she was ready to leave. "If I'm being honest, I did think about not showing...so, this better be worth my while. You look ravishing, though, so that's a good start."

Maybe he shouldn't challenge her like that.

[Dani deGrey]

"Pfft." Dani scoffed, her features scrunching in an expression of feigned insult (the amusement still shined brightly behind those brown eyes of hers). "All bouquets die within a week Lord Debienne." The woman's tone was matter of fact, and even if Dani wasn't even 23% sure she was correct- she certainly sounded as though she was more than certain. "Besides, I have a wonderful ladies maid now who's practically magical with flowers- this one may even make it two weeks." Taking the rose from him, Dani held it to her nose for a moment- drinking in the natural perfume before setting it down on the table beside the door. "But thank you, Jules."

Dani deGrey took his arm without missing a beat, squeezing gently as she encouraged (or half dragged) the man towards the carriage. She had been waiting for this since they had half planned it only a few days ago, and there was no way she would have let Julien get out of it... easily or otherwise. "I thought you might..." Dani hummed wryly as he confessed he had thought about standing her up. "... Which was why I was planning to drag you from Blackthorn myself if I had to."

He almost definitely knew she meant it.

Dani may have been small, but what she lacked in strength and stature- she more than made up for in persistence and cunning.

"I know." She chimed, brightening further at the compliment. In a way, Dani was extra glad she hadn't needed to physically drag Julien away from Blackthorn and his mother- there was little chance she would have managed it without some sort of wardrobe malfunction. Releasing his arm for a moment, the deGrey gave a small twirl before taking hold of him again. "You were right, I do look good in red. Just think, you would have missed this if you hadn't come. Not that you really had a choice, but still."

The walk to the carriage was short, and if he permitted it- Dani would practically push him into the carriage first muttering something about not trusting him not to run home if her back was turned before climbing in after him. If Julien insisted she go first, Dani would glare at him playfully until he was seated and the door closed.

[Julien Debienne]

In truth, he wasn't sure if the flowers would be left in the cold carriage all night, hence the single rose. Also, buying a whole bunch of flowers for an ex-wife had made him feel strange when he thought about it, even if it was a friendly bouquet, and he has done it before.

Julien chuckled at the mention of the "magical ladies maid". He wasn't surprised, and probably should have known that. He was so used Iva maintaining a lot of the flowers at home (yes, it wasn't all dark and gloomy at Blackthorn), if only because she enjoyed it, and it kept her out of his hair so he would never complain.

Offering a small smile when she smelled the rose and set it aside, he answered simply, "You're welcome, love." Arm through arm, they headed towards the carriage, and he was beginning to wonder again what the evening would have in store. Julien had admitted that it had been awhile since he went out and enjoyed himself, and wasn't completely sure going out with the "party queen" was the best of ideas. He was afraid he wouldn't be able to keep up.

'...Which was why I was planning to drag you from Blackthorn myself if I had to.

"Of that I have no doubt, which is precisely why I think I just subconsciously gave in," he said in amusement, shrugging a shoulder in gesture. He no doubt believed she would have dragged him out of that manor. Maybe not literally, but she would have been like a gnat that just wouldn't go away until he relented. It had been a better idea to just give in.

Opening the door, he was about to offer a hand to help her up when she was practically shoving him to go first. Ah, right, she still didn't trust him even though he came here on his own. With a chuckle, he climbed up, but still stood half hunched (not the most comfortable, mind you) to ensure she didn't need assistance with that gown. Once she was settled into her seat, he followed suit. Instead of sitting beside her, however, Julien opted to sit across. Maybe it was to better see her, or maybe it was his way of trying to physically distance himself as much as possible.

"Now, please make me a promise, deGrey- that you'll go easy on me tonight. I'm old and a bit rusty, and rather not fall face first onto the marchioness' marble flooring after only an hour."

[Dani deGrey]

As much as Dani adored flowers, particularly those she received as gifts- her home was decorated more with statues and sculptures. As inconstant as Dani deGrey could be, the estate that had once belonged to her second (and second favourite) husband barely changed from day to day, week to week, or month to month. Gods, they hadn't even decorated for Yule this year.

But that didn't matter, not really. Dani hadn't been home to throw a party of her own, perhaps that was why she had been so excited for the Yule Ball and why she was so excited for tonight. The gentle pressure the little woman kept on Julien's arm served several purposes: firstly, to remind him that there was no backing out now; secondly to keep herself from excitedly rushing to the carriage too quickly; and thirdly, as always, there was some degree of affection there. Dani had lost count years ago of just how many events they had attended together, they had always had fun... hadn't they? So whilst Lord Debienne was busy wondering if he was going to be able to keep up with the deGrey, Dani was eagerly anticipating sharing even this small adventure with him.

After all, Julien looked as though he was in dire need of a party.

"Of course that's the reason," Dani said, her tone more than a little patronising as she patted his arm. When she continued, her voice was bright and excited once more: "You can just admit you wanted to go to a party you know, or admit you missed me.

Clambering into the carriage after him, Dani settled herself somewhat ungracefully- taking a moment or two to arrange her skirts so they didn't crease or rumple on the ride over. No doubt she wouldn't be quite so concerned on the carriage ride home but for now, Dani still wished to look her very best as she and Julien made their entrance. A rare few seconds of almost-silence (Dani had been muttering to herself as she coaxed the mass of fabric into shape) passed before the deGrey turned those dark eyes back to Julien Debienne.

"Go easy on you?" The woman echoed, a bark of laughter escaping from between painted red lips. "I will do no such thing, don't you want to bring in the new year properly Jules? We're going to dance and sample every single vintage the marchioness brings up from the cellar and it'll be just like old times- fun"

Dani either didn't comment on, or simply didn't notice that the man had opted to sit across from her rather than beside her as he had in the time they had been closer. But she continued to excitedly ramble about what the evening had in store for them throughout most of the journey.

[Julien Debienne]

He really was in dire need of a party. Between the craziness that constantly happened at home, and the Council business about needing to appoint a new regent, Julien didn't always know which way was up. It was exhausting, and he knew things weren't likely to calm down anytime soon. The queen was adamant on fighting for the regency, but everyone knew what would happen...so, at the moment, he was silently doing whatever he could to help Triston get that spot.

And what better way to alleviate stress but with Dani deGrey? Even if she was possibly one of the many reasons for his grey hairs.

'You can just admit you wanted to go to a party you know, or admit you missed me.'

Chuckling quietly, he regarded her with a sidelong glance. "I think I already admitted that I missed you. That's never changed." Oh, that was definitely truth, but he was hiding a lot underneath his cheeky smile. It was to the point where he realized he was always going to care for her. Hell, she probably knew that because he never and would never deny it. Yet, there was a line drawn that he'd finally stepped over and built a high wall on to avoid wandering back into that previous territory. It wasn't ideal, but he was okay with how things were. She was still in his life, still a joy, and was that spark of fire he needed every once in awhile, so there was nothing to complain about.

It was hard not to grin at her sudden burst of laughter. He should've seen that coming. "Yes, I would...and I'd like to be awake to see in the new year," he admitted. He knew in that very moment, he was going to feel miserable tomorrow.

At the same time, he knew it would be worth it.

Listening to her ramble, getting in a few words of his own as they rode to the marchioness' party, the carriage eventually stopped at the front of the manor. Julien was quick to step out first and offer his hand up to Dani to take should she need it.

[Dani deGrey]

”I know, but it’s always nice to hear you missed me Jules... “ Dani mused, putting on an over-extravagant pout. Painted lips pursed and brows furrowed, clear enough that the man couldn’t miss it even in the meagre half-light in the carriage. There was that lingering question of what if? there always was. That tension crackling between the two of them. That’s never changed. Oh how she missed him. But he was too good. Had too much going on. It would have never worked. That’s what Dani had told herself when she arrived home hungover last week and it was what she was telling herself right now.

”You’ll be awake! Dani promised, drawing the ‘x’ over her chest as though to illustrate her point. But then, just as quickly, she leant back into her seat. And the space between them grew cold, the night air seeping in. Huddling against the furs, Dani deGrey looked over to Julien- burrowing even deeper amongst the furs until only those dark eyes and darker brows were visible.

She remained that way, bundled up and cosy until the carriage rolled to a stop- at which point Dani took the offered hand and spread her skirts out. Reluctantly she pushed the furs and blanket’s into the carriage before threading her arm through Julien’s:

”Ready?”

[Julien Debienne]

'I know, but it's always nice to hear you missed me Jules...'

Although the pout was a bit much, his grin softened a little at that. Well, he wouldn't deny her something that he was already open about, right? He'd said it, but it wasn't enough. It was never enough.

Shifting toward the edge of his seat, Julien leaned forward, as close as he could get without getting up to look her right in the eyes. The sincerity upon his features was genuine, then again, he never really had to lie when he was in her presence. Only maybe a tiny portion of the time. "I miss you in every waking moment while you're gone, Danielle. I'd say you were a breath of fresh air every time I see you, but you're more like a hurricane; a heavy wind knocking the breath from my lungs. And that's a good thing. It reminds me that I'm still alive." And sometimes he often wondered if he was just some ghost his sister saw wandering the halls of Blackthorn. "And I need that in my life."

He sat back, only chuckling at her promise of him being awake to bring in the new year. Well, she had a lot more hope for him in that regard than he did for himself, so only time would tell how this would end.

Once Dani was out of the carriage, looping her arm through his, he kept her close as they walked their way to the manor. "Not entirely," he confessed with a light smirk. He could already hear the sounds of laughter, conversation, and music- a pastime he had once truly enjoyed. One he'd likely enjoy again this evening.

They were led to the extravagant ballroom, decorated mostly in silver and gold. He noted the champagne being passed around immediately, along with the full-service bar and tables of desserts. There wasn't one healthy thing offered. Everywhere he looked, there was a laughing and smiling face, and it was slowly bringing cheer to his own. Julien didn't seem to mind how loud it was.