so, I have a secret...

[Ciaran Lee Frye]

It was way too early in the morning for this, but it was the ideal time to slip out of the house. Ciaran had long ago learned when the best times to slip out unnoticed were, even if he hasn’t had to do it in quite a while.

The sun was just about to rise and he was still half-awake after forcing himself from bed, cleaning himself up real quick, and getting dressed. He barely had to look as he descended the staircase, avoiding every loud creak in the floorboards like it was second nature and slipping out through the kitchens. Offering a wave and a quiet “g’morning” to the servants in passing, he made his way towards the stables.

Fortunately (or unfortunately) for him, Greyshollow wasn’t terribly far from Lasairdubh, so he should be able to visit for an hour or so and head back before it was too late in the day that Mother would ask questions. She most likely already would, but he would worry about that if the time came.

Saddling up his horse, he quietly urged the stallion from his stall and across the lawn where the hooves would be mostly muffled by the cold earth. Spring was nearing, and he honestly couldn’t wait- it was bloody frigid in the morning, and he preferred to be out by the beach in the warm sun. Still, the chill was the last bit he needed to fully wake up as he guided the horse into the woods, where eventually he would find his way onto the path towards Greyshollow.

[ Aoife Lee Frye ]

[Aoife Lee Frye]

Aoife had never been one for early mornings, preferring to stay up to watch the sun rise rather than to get up to see it. So she hadn’t woken at this ridiculous hour on purpose, but rather by accident. It had been another nightmare, another barely remembered dream of blood and gore- she couldn’t remember from whose eyes she had watched the life fade, but it had left her shaken. Shooting bolt upright in bed, her sheets damp with a cold sweat that glistened and shone on her pallid skin. They were fewer and further between these days, but they still came, and every time they did they were just as horrifying.

The woman hadn’t even tried to coax herself back to sleep that morning, she’d bathed with the icy water in her washbowl- the cold water jolting her even further from sleep- and dressed for the day. Spring was more or less on it’s way, the snow had long since melted, but Aoife had still dressed in warm furs and boots to stave off the chill of the early-morning air.

She hadn’t bothered to creep out of the house, her mother wouldn’t be up at this hour (and besides, Catriona had grown used to Aoife’s early morning and late night wanderings recently, so it wouldn’t be questioned) and if anyone did stop to talk to her she’d simply shrug and say she was going out for a walk. Pulling her coat tight, Aoife wandered aimlessly through the halls until she found herself outside- walking the paths as though still lost in a dream.

For a moment, Aoife thought she was still dreaming when she saw a figure dart from the kitchens and across to the stables. It was rare anyone other than the servants were up at this hour, and they had no reason to sneak like this one was. Like Aoife, he seemed lost in his own thoughts and agenda… so it was easy enough to slip into the stables behind him, ducking into an empty stall and crouching low.

She recognised the horse before she recognised her brother. What was Ciaran Lee Frye up to? The mystic had no chance of keeping up with her brother on foot, but she stood a chance on horseback. It took a few moments for her to throw the saddle over her own mount, but she still managed to usher her horse out of the stables in time to see Ciaran disappearing into the woods.

Stealth had not come as naturally to Aoife as it had to some of her brothers, but she knew the woods well- better than she knew herself these days- so it was relatively easy to follow her older brother’s trail. Keeping her distance, Aoife trailed behind until the woods broke.

Lingering within the treeline, the woman raised a hand to shadow her eyes and allow them to adjust to the glow of the rising sun: Aoife watched as Ciaran made his way into Greyshollow. She couldn’t possibly think why her brother would need to be here, let alone under the cover of dawn and with all the secrecy.

It didn’t make any sense.

Swinging down from her horse, booted feet landed silently in the undergrowth. If she rode out after him, there was no way she’d manage to evade her brother’s notice any longer. So, Aoife waited and watched with interest to see just where her brother was going… her nightmares long since forgotten, eclipsed by her brother’s escapade.

[Ciaran Lee Frye]

For someone who was basically supposed to be the Sneak King, he wasn't doing a very good job at leaving unattended, even if the only person who seemed to notice (unknown to him) was his sister. Maybe he could blame it on it being way too early, or perhaps his mind was all jumbled from the talk at dinner still about the Mystic attacks, but he wasn't as alert as he probably should be.

So, Aoife continued to go undetected as the horse carried the tired Lee Frye at a casual pace towards the small village. It was strange for him to be there, as the market in the city offered far more goods, and just more of anything to begin with. To anyone who knew him, Ciaran didn't have a reason to be there.

He made it there by the time the sun had fully risen, sliding down from the saddle to lead the animal down  the narrow street, up that hill and towards the left. Stopping at a particular cottage- it was quaint, but not rundown- Ciaran tethered the horse off where it could rest and nibble at the grass that was beginning to sprout up. Unlike his last arrival here a few days ago, his steps were slow and casual; a fist gently rapping against the wooden door. He appeared solemn and somewhat impatient as he was waiting for whoever it was that lived there. Then, he began to pace a couple of steps, thinking about trying to peer into one of the windows when a young, dark-haired woman finally opened the door all bleary-eyed. Clearly she hadn't slept.

If Aoife had managed to get close enough to see any of it, she might recognize the woman to be an old servant of the Lee Frye household- Terra Sadler, who had left their employ a couple years ago for unspoken reasons. He was saying something to her, but whatever it was, would be too difficult to hear. Then, a child's shrieking voice sounded and a tiny figure came toddling out the front door with arms stretched wide.

"Kiki!" the little girl called in laughter, and Ciaran's demeanor immediately changed.
It went from somber to beaming as he smiled, scooping the toddler up into his arms. "Well, you're certainly up early!" he exclaimed, already trying to get her mop of hair under control. Hair that was awfully similar to his own.
Terra was saying something again, and she and Ciaran went back and forth quietly a few times before she was kissing the girl's cheek and heading further into town.

It would be a short trip, he assumed, considering Terra had never left him alone with Myra before. He couldn't help but wonder if perhaps she thought he'd be cruel enough to take the child from her. Him, raise a child alone? No way, why would he ever? Plus, Myra didn't even know he was her father...and it was something that nagged at him, something he knew shouldn't bother him.

It's what he wanted after all, right?

Carrying the child over to his horse who was lazily grazing, he stroked the beast's neck while Myra hesitantly mimicked him. He appeared to be talking to her again and she grinned, suckling on the fingers of her other hand. Now that Terra wasn't there to see it, he pressed a gentle kiss to the top of his daughter's head.

[Aoife Lee Frye]

Greyshollow wasn’t all too far a ride, and it only took a few moments on the trail for Aoife to guess where Ciaran was heading. It was the only place he could go, unless he was planning to wander into the forest- but as far as Aoife was aware there was nothing there but trees and the monsters from folk tales designed to keep children out of the woods. Once she knew where he was going, it was all too easy to hang back far enough to evade his notice- and Ciaran’s groggy sleep-deprived state only helped.

Grey eyes followed him, watched as her brother tethered his horse and walked up to one of the cottages. The way he walked the path, sure and without hesitation, suggested that he was no stranger to this path. There was no doubt that Ciaran had been here before, and a few times at that.

Kiki!

The word rang loud and clear enough for Aoife to hear from where she crouched within the line of the forest. Kiki? One word and her suspensions had been confirmed: Ciaran was no stranger here, and definitely no stranger to the family that called this cottage home. What was left to figure out was why. Why was her brother scooping up this child, seemingly babysitting while her mother was going out of town? It didn’t make any sense. At all. Not even a little bit.

Whilst her brother was distracted, the mystic crept out of the treeline- her lined hood lifted up to obscure her features. Straightening, Aoife walked into the village as though she was just another person out for an early morning stroll- perhaps to the market. Like most of her family, she knew the village relatively well, so it was all too easy to circle around and approach the curious cottage from another angle.

She watched him for another moment or two, grey orbs taking in the scene: her brother was tender, speaking gently to the child as they stroked his mount. He kissed her head.

And then it struck her.

The idiot.

The sneaking off at first light, the way the woman had looked so familiar before she walked away, and that mop of dark curls. She was Ciaran’s. Ciaran had a child.

Aoife’s hand flew to her mouth as she gasped, audibly, at the realisation. Even if her older brother hadn’t heard her, she blew what was left of her cover by stepping out into the open and into his eyeline. Separated by a few metres of grass and Ciaran’s large stallion: the mystic looked at him with wide eyes, wordlessly asking a thousand and one questions.

[Ciaran Lee Frye]

"Yeah, he's soft, huh?" He was still talking to her as the horse couldn't care less, and Myra's giggles filtered into the air every time she felt the animal under her hand. The stallion seemed to idly shift every time she did, and the child found some amusement in that. And so it amused him, keeping that wide smile on his face.

He stood there with her for just a couple of minutes before he swore he heard something. It wasn't until he saw movement ahead, something emerging from the treeline did he finally take his eyes from his daughter...and find a very familiar face staring at him with wide eyes, seeping with shock and question.

"Oh, fuck."
"F-f-foo-"
"No, no, no, I didn't say that! Don't repeat that," he tried to interrupt the child. His sudden panic had her giggling again, and he had this random thought of like mother like daughter, finding humor in his suffering.

Dark eyes lifted to find Aoife again, stepping away from the horse while he sought for what to say or do. She saw him. She must have followed him. Ciaran didn't think to worry about that before because he had gotten so used to her keeping to herself for so long, and suddenly now she decides to snap out of it? Out of all days!

Well, shit...now what?

She must be assuming things, how could she not? He could see it on her face and he worried she was going to go be a brat and tattle on him. Would she, though? Were it him, well, there was no saying he wouldn't. Maybe...

So, instead of trying to pretend he didn't see her and ignore her presence, Ciaran offered his sister a forced, lop-sided grin and an awkward wave. What else was he supposed to do?! Myra's attention shifted, her big brown eyes falling upon the woman as well.

[Aoife Lee Frye]

Oh fuck? Oh fuck indeed.

Aoife couldn’t help but laugh as the little child in her brother’s arms parroted Ciaran’s curse back to him (or at least tried to). A short, quiet, burst escaped her then as she gawped at the scene. This was surreal, if it wasn’t for the fact she had been awake for hours at this point, Aoife might have been able to convince herself she was still dreaming. But no, she was here, Ciaran was here, and in his arms was a small child that looked a little too much like him for it all to be a coincidence.

She didn’t know what to do, and Ciaran wasn’t exactly being particularly helpful or forthcoming with any answers or explanations. So she was just left to assume. Assume that the little girl was his, and judging by how big she was and how close the noises she was making resembled words: she was a secret he had been keeping for more than a few moons. Awkwardly, and with confusion written clearly onto her face, Aoife returned his wave and allowed the increasingly uncomfortable silence to stretch out for a few more seconds.

Hands found her hips as the mystic slowly came to her senses, slowly adjusted to the surreality of it all. Grey eyes flitted from her brother to the girl and back again, then once more for good measure before Aoife finally broke the silence with one simple question:

”What the fuck Ciaran?”

And then, because she had so many questions and all her idiot brother had offered her was a wave in explanation, Aoife followed it up with even more: ”Is she…? Are you? Who? What? Does mama know? Oh Ciaran, what? She is, isn’t she? Is this why you missed the carriage? Sorry, sorry, what the fuck? How old? Oh mama is going to kill you and then find the wellspring so she can bring you back to life and then kill you again. You know that right? Oh you’re dead, and now I’m going to be dead for finding out and not sending a pigeon or a fox or some kind of-” Stopping, Aoife forced herself to take a long, steadying breath as those grey orbs rested once again on her older brother. ”- who’s the little one?”

[Ciaran Lee Frye]

Well, what did she expect him to say right now? Alright, maybe attempting to explain the situation would be good, but...really? There was a reason why he was sneaking out, why he quite obviously didn't tell anyone about Myra. And, he had his reasons- ones he was struggling to remember as his sister seemed just as confused as he was.

Then she was cursing.

The sharpness of her words actually made him jump  a little and Myra turned her head to bury her face into the crook of his neck. Yeah, she can be pretty scary to me too, kid, he almost said out loud but thought better of it. Instead, he was trying to cover the child's ears, nearly glaring at Aoife for her curse. "Could you maybe not with the-" Nope, apparently she wasn't done, and Ciaran could do nothing but stand there, take it, and sigh heavily.

'Oh mama is going to kill you...' That's when the panic set in further, and he was waving a hand in front of her face as if to get her to shut up. "No, no, she doesn't have to know!" he tried to throw into the middle of her rant. Oh fuck was right!

When the onslaught was done, and Aoife's question was about Myra, he had to draw in a deep breath. Ciaran thought about lying, somehow, yet even he couldn't come up with a good enough fib to get his sister off his case. She had caught him, and soon enough, the rest of the damn family would know if she opened her big mouth. Maybe if he played nice, she'd be lenient.

"This is Myra," he finally said after a moment, gently squeezing the girl's shoulder to try and coax her out of her shell. Myra turned her head a little in order to look at Aoife, but she didn't say or do anything else. Ciaran drifted his gaze back to the woman as well, unsure of which emotion to share. Was he afraid, was he angry that she had caught him? Did he somehow not care? Strangely, there was a small wave of relief that someone finally knew...but it was very small.

Drawing in a deep breath, he continued, knowing Aoife wasn't going to let it rest there. "I made a mistake, didn't know what would happen to the family, and you know me-" he paused for a second. It sounded as though he was trying to make a joke, but it wasn't remotely close to one, neither was it pity for himself. "I just mess things up and figured I could, I don't know...not ruin anyone's reputation?" Yet, he had, hadn't he? He may have achieved it with his family name, but what of Terra?

Just add it to the list of things she'd never forgive him for.

[Aoife Lee Frye]

Aoife rarely cursed, at least out loud- but she felt as though it was justified on this occasion. Seeing Ciaran like this had been a shock, and a massive one at that. But still, her brother had a point… even if she hadn’t given him the chance to finish making it or even to get more than a few words in edgeways. By the time she had run out of steam, the mystic noticed she had frightened the little girl clinging to her brother- her head now buried against him as though hiding from the mystic, hiding from her aunt. ”Okay- okay.” The woman sighed, holding up her palms in surrender. ”No more with the- but seriously, how on earth are you planning on keeping this- sorry, her- from mama?” If Aoife could find out this easily, more or less completely by accident, then it would hardly be difficult for their mother (or more realistically, one of her servants) to do the same.

Stepping around the stallion, Aoife moved closer to the pair. And with each step she took, the resemblance only became clearer and clearer. ”Hey Myra, I’m Aoife.” Speaking gently, as though she was soothing a startled horse, the mystic crouched a little until she was at eye level, if a few metres away. When Myra finally turned her head to peer at her, just a little, Aoife gave the girl an awkward wave before straightening up to look her big brother dead in the eyes.

”A mistake? Ciaran, a mistake is leaving a window open during a snowstorm, this is a whole human.” She pointed out. A mistake was accidentally brushing by Eoghann and getting zapped… not this. Not a secret family in the next village over. But who was she to criticise? After all, Aoife had been writing letters to a DeGraff… was that any better? In the eyes of their parents, Aoife had probably made the bigger mistake- at least Catriona had gotten a granddaughter out of Ciaran’s little indiscretion. ”What would happen to the family?” Aoife echoed with a sigh, ”I’m guessing Myra is part of the family? And her mother? What about her reputation? It’s different for women Ciaran… what about when the girl gets older, when she starts asking questions?” More questions. So many questions.

[Ciaran Lee Frye]

If Aoife freaked out this much, what would their mother do? Would she flat out murder him where he stood? Ciaran should have been amused by the thought, but a part of him truly did believe that Catriona would kill him...or make him suffer in some sort of way. The woman had wanted a granddaughter (just as she probably wished she had had more daughters), and here he was...hiding one from her.

Fuck, he was so dead.

"Well, everything was going well for two years...until you," he answered her. No one had known, and he assumed no one had suspected anything, because he certainly would not have made it this long without being found out. "And it's only because I risked coming here sooner than I should have. I just-" Ciaran sighed at himself, also thankful that Myra really had no idea as to what they were talking about. He didn't think Terra would appreciate it, or for the girl to learn that two members of her family stood right there with her. "After the attack, and Mother's talk at dinner, I wanted make to sure she was okay." Make sure they were okay, that is, but let's not get ahead of ourselves here.

The tension eased a little bit when his sister tried to comfort the girl, being her usual awkward self around children. It actually made him grin a bit, especially when Myra acknowledged Aoife a bit more; lifting her head up from off of his shoulder to regard the woman with curious eyes. That dark gaze squinted as though she was thinking about smiling but kept her fingers in her mouth.

'Ciaran, a mistake is leaving a window open during a snowstorm, this is a whole human.' Dammit, no, that's not what he meant! "Aoife, gods," he said quickly, exasperated. "I meant what my dumbass did to create this little human." Eyes narrowed upon her, looking at her pointedly. "You do know what I mean, right? Because...that's not a conversation I'm having with you." Again, he had been trying his hand at humor, but it was falling a little flat. Well, mostly anyway. She might have heard the very low chuckle from deep within his chest.

Then she was talking about Terra, and he tried not to cringe because he knew she was right. It was just something he was attempting to fix but was failing miserably at. "She's a commoner, a servant. What the hell was I supposed to do, marry her?" Now he was laughing a little more, shaking his head. Of course, that's what Terra had probably expected, but she should have known him better than that. "I'm working on it, okay? I'm trying to work harder, make more money...and maybe get them out of here, far from here." That was when a strange look of worry crossed over his features and his voice dropped to a whisper. "Terra doesn't know any of us have magic. She never knew, and I don't know if-" He sighed a little, looking down at the child in his arms. "...if she does." Myra was young, and if she possessed any sort of gramarye, it may not have manifested yet.

[Aoife Lee Frye]

”Two years?” Aoife echoed, hand finding her hair and running through it. He was dead. The look on her face could only be described as exasperation. Granted, she was mildly impressed that her idiot brother had managed to keep a secret for two years- especially one as big as this, the girl must be nearly 3 foot tall. But mostly, mostly she was thinking that Ciaran had made a huge mistake in keeping this from them all. The fact that he had kept this, had kept Myra, from them all for two whole years just made it so much worse. ”Sooner? How often are you here Ciaran?” How often are you sneaking around right beneath mother’s nose? How often have you risked being caught.

If the girl didn’t look quite so much like her brother, Aoife would have said she was cute- with those curious brown eyes and mop of dark curls. Still half-crouched, the woman looked up at her brother, ”Should she be, y’know, chewing her fingers like that? Is she hungry?” Her voice was hushed, as though she didn’t want the toddler to know they were talking about her. ”Are you hungry little one?” Straightening, Aoife once again directed her attention towards her older brother: ”Are you sure she’s yours? She’s not said two words and you can’t go two minutes without saying twenty.”

...that's not a conversation I'm having with you

It wasn’t exactly a conversation Aoife wanted to have with him either. ”Don’t look at me like that.” Glowering, the mystic folded her arms across her chest. She wasn’t going to point out her brother’s reactions must have slowed in his old age, wasn’t going to tell him it was hardly her fault that he couldn’t keep it in his breeches, wasn’t going to ask if it had been worth it- that was all soldier talk, warranted only in the barracks or the tavern, and this was her brother. Even if Ciaran was making an attempt at humour, Aoife was still in too much shock to find any of this funny. He was a father now, the ‘mistake’ he had made had consequences that would follow them all for the rest of their lives… it would be a while before Aoife saw any humour in that.

”You’re not Lee or even Niall, you’ve got a little more leeway than they had…” She didn’t mention Melody, after all, their parents hadn’t really known about Eoghann’s loss… they had noticed the change in their son, but he had only confessed the cause to some of his siblings. Though Alasdair had been a soldier, his family were noble, so the engagement had gone ahead with their parent’s blessing. ”Do you want to marry her?” Everything Ciaran told her just brought forth more questions, so many more questions. ”What good is getting them out of here going to do?” You can’t just run from your problems, it doesn’t work.

The magic, the magic was a concern. And Aoife’s expression also quickly shifted to one of worry. This child was her blood, and a threat against Myra was now as good as a threat against them all. It was always family first with the Lee Frye, by blood or by name. Even though gramyre was known to skip a generation here and there, even lie dormant for decades: every recorded Lee Frye had possessed magic. Chances are this girl did too… which meant she was in danger, and more so every day. ”Lasairdubh is safer than the village Ciaran, if she does have magic- you’ve got to take her home.” Joining her brother in a hushed whisper, grey eyes wandered down to the young girl, ”Could you really send her away and never see her again? She’s kin.”

[Ciaran Lee Frye]

There wasn't going to be any way of getting her to understand. Hell, Ciaran wasn't even sure he understood why he did it anymore. There had been an extreme moment of panic when he had found out Terra was pregnant, and he just did the first thing that came to mind. He didn't leave, didn't pretend it hadn't happened, but many might argue that this wasn't any better.

Ciaran rolled his eyes. "Apparently not often enough," he answered her sarcastically, yet it was probably clear that his annoyed tone was directed towards Myra's mother. "Every few weeks, when and if I can. Just...more frequently as of late." Terra had certainly been surprised to see him again this morning, and probably didn't believe a word out of his mouth. He was concerned, and wasn't this what she bloody hell wanted anyway? And she thought him a damn contradiction.

Myra was still watching his sister closely as if she was trying to figure her out. When Aoife acknowledged her again, the girl finally smiled shyly but seemed to be sitting up in her father's arms a bit more. He grinned faintly, seeing how Myra was slowly beginning to open up...and then Aoife was opening her mouth.

'Are you sure she’s yours? She’s not said two words and you can’t go two minutes without saying twenty.' "Oh, ha ha, I've forgotten how not funny you could be," he mused, half sarcastically and yet he was still kind of amused. Alright, so that was a good jab, but he wasn't about to say so. His sister was probably still reeling from this all, but he was kind of hoping she would come around to this whole ordeal a little faster. Deep down, he needed someone else to know, but she wasn't letting him just brush it under the rug either.

'Do you want to marry her?' "Oh gods, no!" he exclaimed, maybe a bit too quickly. Wow, that sounded really harsh, he realized. "I mean, no. I'm not, that isn't, she's just-" Words, man, form a proper sentence. Ciaran huffed out a heavy breath and took a second. "She drives me up a fu- damn wall," he grumbled. At one point, he had thought that was what drew him to the servant girl, because she dished back what he gave out, but it had been nothing but attraction on his part. At least, he was pretty sure it was.

"She'd be better off not being tied down to me, Aoife. Can't tell me you don't agree." There was that tone again- a strange sadness but his words were lacking the expected pity that should come with them. He didn't pity himself, he didn't expect any from others- he knew what he was and what he did, and he fucked up. And if their mother found out, would she not try to fix this? Would she try to make him marry the girl to set things right, regardless of station? And then Terra was stuck with him, probably resenting him for the rest of their lives. "If I can get them out of Teronna, away from the mad king...they might be safe," he said, keeping his voice low. If it wasn't clear, he wasn't trying to run from his problems. Not this time. In truth, he was trying to fix them, even if he might be doing a poor job of it.

Aoife was trying to get him to understand something he already knew, but now his pride was getting in the way. Lasairdubh was safer. 'Could you really send her away and never see her again?' He felt that like a blade in his heart because it was something he was telling himself wouldn't be that big of a deal. Despite only seeing Myra on rare occasions, she was his daughter, and he did love her. Even Terra couldn't argue that.

Ciaran grew quiet, shutting his eyes for a moment, and he must have been breathing quickly or done something to make Myra uneasy, because she was reaching over with that drooled covered hand to swat at his chin. "Ki...kiki, wake..."
All of that just hurt more, stabbing him further in the heart. But he let out a soft huff of laughter through his nose, softly grinning at the child while his sister's words wouldn't stop echoing in his head. "I just...couldn't deal with the repercussions, Aoife," he finally confessed to her after a long moment. "This was something bigger...worse than I'd ever done, and I couldn't handle all of you looking at me like I'm nothing but a fuck up." Even with the curse, his words didn't bite. "Because I know I am."

[Aoife Lee Frye]

Aoife wanted to understand, she really did. But no matter how hard she tried, the mystic just couldn’t figure out what had been going through her brother’s mind over the last two years. He didn’t seem to have been thinking straight, or even thinking at all when he decided the most sensible option was to hide Myra and her mother away in a little cottage in a little village in the middle of the woods. It didn’t seem to be fair to anyone involved. Not fair on Myra, not fair on her mother, and not even fair on Ciaran- having to sneak away to see his own daughter, and having to bear that burden all on his own. As hurt as she was that he had kept this from her, Aoife could almost understand it… keeping a secret to protect the family name, to keep himself safe from their mother’s wrath (or meddling).

”So you’ve been coming to Greyshollow every few weeks but not coming home while you were here? Oh you are dead.” Aoife didn’t miss the sarcasm in her big brother’s tone, or the way he rolled his eyes… it was a long way to travel for a visit, and Aoife knew all too well just how difficult it could be to get time away from their duties with the military. Their older brother’s had often complained about long hours and long stretches away from their families, it had been part of the reason Niall had left the army- to spend more time with his own children. When Aoife spoke again, she spoke to the little girl- grey eyes finding those brown ones: ”Yes he is, Kiki is very dead- grandma is going to kill him and put his head on the mantle as a warning to the others.” she joked lightly. ”Why does she call you Kiki anyway?” Raising a brow at her brother, Aoife had a vague inkling as to what the answer may be- but she wanted to hear it straight from the horse’s mouth.

She scoffed, audibly, when he pointed out she wasn’t funny. As far as Aoife was concerned, she had made a valid point, the toddler seemed very quiet- even almost scared by her aunt’s presence. When Ciaran Lee Frye had been that age, he had made the term ‘terrible twos’ seem almost tame. ”She does look a lot like you though, poor little thing.” Okay, that was probably unnecessary, but if any of their other siblings had been standing here in Aoife’s place: Ciaran would have probably been getting it a lot worse. A lot.

Eyes widened at just how quickly Ciaran rejected the idea of marriage. Clearly he had given that some thought over the last couple of years. Wasn’t that what couples were supposed to do? Drive each other up the fu-damn wall? At least to some degree. ”You’ve trapped her away in a village Ciaran, anyone would be going out of their way to drive you up the wall for doing that. She’s probably been driven up the wall.” Granted, Aoife didn’t know how difficult it was to raise a child- but she had seen her brother’s pushed to their wit’s ends with their toddlers sometimes, and that was with help. ”Well when you take that attitude, but…” She sighed, running a hand through her hair, the other finding her hip as she looked at her brother with exasperation. ”... you’re not, you aren’t, I mean- you’re not-” Aoife didn’t want to say it, he was her brother after all- she wasn’t supposed to be nice to him. ”- I mean, she could do worse, you’re not that bad.”

Aoife wasn’t sure what their mother would do if she found out. She knew Catriona Lee Frye would try to fix it, to protect the family and the family’s reputation… but how she would achieve that, Aoife didn’t know. Perhaps Catriona would share Ciaran’s view, that it was better to send both Myra and her mother far away, out of sight, out of mind. The family would recover from the rumours that Ciaran had fathered a child out of wedlock, and they would recover faster if said child was nowhere to be found. Perhaps she would try to make it right, make Ciaran marry and bring Myra and her mother into the family, formally regardless of her status. Or perhaps there was another option that Aoife and Ciaran had both overlooked. It didn’t matter how Catriona would fix it, Aoife knew she would. Their mother always knew best, and Aoife believed that (at least, she did in this situation… the mystic wasn’t stupid enough to lay her own problems at their mother’s feet, no- better to drag her brothers’ there instead).

Even if she couldn’t concede that the woman would be better without Ciaran, Aoife had to admit that he had a point- if Myra did develop gramyre, she was safer far away from Teronna and the wardens that would hunt her down as the would a fox or hart. In another kingdom, the girl wouldn’t have to hide her gifts (if she even had them), wouldn’t have to watch her tongue for fear of what would happen if she even so much as hinted there was gramyre at her disposal. ”Okay, you might have a point” Even if he did, she didn’t think it was a good enough point to warrant sending her away, possibly forever.

I couldn't handle all of you looking at me like I'm nothing but a fuck up

If he hadn’t been holding an infant, she would have punched him.

A glare would have to do. ”You’re not just a fuck up, you’re an idiot.” Aoife said firmly, not bothering to cushion or mince her words- but at least she only meant the second half of her sentence. ”But you’re, you, you know you’re imagining things that haven’t even happened- do you really think you’ve messed up that badly? You haven’t joined the wardens or run off with a DeGraff or burned down the house… so, it could be worse, right?” Was she trying to comfort him? Point out that he was overreacting? Aoife didn’t even know, she wasn’t good at this.

[Ciaran Lee Frye]

People do stupid things when they were scared, and he had been. And he had no one to turn to because, yes, he didn't want the extra berating from his family. Did he deserve it? Sure, even Ciaran could admit that, but he made the choice to not have to deal with it. He thought that by telling Aoife everything now, it would make him feel better, yet it was only proving to make it worse.

'So you’ve been coming to Greyshollow every few weeks but not coming home while you were here? Oh you are dead.' That made him pause, his mouth opening as though he were about to refute that but he was just realizing that, well...he hadn't even thought about that.

Seriously, what the hell was wrong with him?

Aoife grabbed Myra's attention again, and this time, the girl giggled; the smile on her face widening as that hand reached out. She was interested in Aoife's hair. However, Ciaran seemed bothered by his sister's very graphic and to-the-point words. "Wow, you...really shouldn't be around children. If she repeats any of that-" That's when he stopped. What was he going to do about it? Tell Terra that his sister found out and mentioned his decapitated head on the mantle? You know, just in case the two year old managed to repeat any of it.

Her next question had his face falling. Now, Ciaran was hesitating, but he knew had to answer. He just didn't like this question. "She...can't pronounce my name well yet." And in other words- Myra wasn't calling him by "father" or "daddy" because she didn't know that's who she was. As far as the two year old knew, he was just a familiar face that stopped by every now and then.

Then his sister was trying to insult him but managed to insult his daughter as well. And if he wasn't currently holding her, he might have punched Aoife for that.

He had thought about a lot of things, and again, had no one to really talk to about it. They would all judge him the way Aoife was. They would all yell at him the way Aoife was. Would anyone have taken a second to not judge and realize that mistakes happen? He did make a mistake, he admitted it, but he also hadn't run from it like all the other times.

'I mean, she could do worse, you’re not that bad.' Ciaran watched her with such a dumbfounded look on his face before it scrunched into annoyance. "Seriously, don't bother. Go back to patronizing- you're good at that." Now his words bit a little. And eventually, she did just that and continued to prove why he had thought it best to keep this a secret.

He wasn't just a fuck up, he was an idiot.

That was when he finally set Myra down. The girl toddled forward, tilting her head back to gaze up at Aoife in curiosity before lowering herself to the ground, interested in one of the stones at her feet. All the while, Ciaran was trying not to let his rage get the best of him as she began to ramble off things that would have been worse.

However, correction, they nearly did almost burn the house down. A couple of times, if he recalled.

Looking at her with that confusion, the anger finally showed. "I was scared, alright?!" he blurted out loudly, realizing that had alerted some of the other villagers. Clenching his teeth, he forced himself to lower his voice a bit. "It's not like I've ever made this mistake before, I didn't know what to do. And you're standing here doing exactly what I knew you would. What you all would have. I wanted to protect them. I wanted Myra to be safe, and I didn't want Terra to be tied to the likes of me when she could find someone that would take far better care of her because clearly I'm a fuck up." Ciaran paused, nearly seething now. "Care to throw me even further under the carriage, sister?" That was almost a challenge.

He nearly went off about how he didn't sink deep into depression and hide away from everyone and the rest of the world like she had when dealing with her life-changing loss...but even he wasn't that cruel. Ciaran had been happy to see Aoife smiling again, and he wasn't about to ruin that, despite the fact that she made him feel like mud beneath her boots.

[Aoife Lee Frye]

Aoife wasn’t sure how to respond to any of that, she wasn’t particularly offended- it wasn’t the first time she had been told she wasn’t exactly great with kids. There was probably a reason Lee and Niall had never asked her to watch over her nephews for an hour or two let alone a whole weekend. Catriona had assured her it would come with time, when she had her own children as it had with her- but the mystic wasn’t quite sure she believed her mother. So she understood why her brother felt the need to point out that she shouldn’t be around small children. What Aoife didn’t understand was why Ciaran was worried about Myra repeating anything, or being upset by her words. Firstly, Aoife had been joking. Secondly, the girl was a Lee Frye. If she had been brought up in Lasairdubh, or even within a mile of their father, Myra would have been given a sword by the time she turned three and taken hunting as soon as she was able to hold herself upright on a horse. Thirdly, the toddler probably wasn’t old enough to form the word ‘decapitate’ just yet. But, Aoife held her tongue- watching the girl eye her with interest. Their hair was the same deep, dark brown- so dark as to be almost black. Though whilst her niece's hair fell in curls, Aoife’s fell almost straight. For a moment, the woman wondered if Myra recognised the resemblance, or if she knew by instinct that there was something familiar- something shared between the two of them.

”So- she-?” Aoife asked, not needing to finish the question for Ciaran to know what she suspected. He hadn’t told her. Myra didn’t know that the man holding her was her father. It kind of made sense, what was one more secret added to the pile? ”Are you ever going to tell her, when she’s older?” It was curiosity that made her ask even if she didn’t expect Ciaran to know the answer, as imperfect as their own father could be- the woman couldn’t imagine life without him either now or as they grew up. It seemed unfair for Ciaran to be denying his daughter that.

Her expression darkened, what had Ciaran been expecting from her? For her to stumble in on this little family scene and everything click into place? Had he thought she would pat him on the shoulder and tell him everything was supposed to be okay? ”What do you want from me?” She bristled, trying to keep her voice low- lest they attract any more attention from the local villagers. The last thing Ciaran’s secret little family needed was to be the site of a Lee Frye sibling fight, even if it was just a verbal one. ”How was I supposed to process this? You don’t want to marry her because what? Because she can do better? I know you think you’re the family disappointment but you have no idea do you?” Her words were escaping more as a hiss now- hushed and beneath her breath. Despite the pointed nature of her words, there was no venom in them. ”You’re an idiot because you’re so adamant that none of us would be there for you that you didn’t even give someone the chance to be.”

The hypocrisy was lost on her. As far as the dark haired woman was concerned, her situation had been completely different- no one could have helped her, it was something she needed to fix on her own.

She was still seething, seeing red and not stopping to consider what she was saying. Aoife couldn’t comprehend just why Ciaran thought he was such a failure, why he was so adamant that the world was against him. ”You’re an idiot because you refuse to accept that maybe people actually want you around. Did you even ask Terra-” Wait, Terra, the name was ringing a very faint bell in the back of her mind- only she couldn’t quite place the name or recall the face that matched it. She faltered for a second, giving her brother the chance to interject briefly. ”- Did you even ask her what she wanted?” Was he thinking about what was best for them? Or what was best for him? ”You’ve thrown yourself under the carriage Ciaran.” She wanted to add that he wasn’t about to drag her under it with him, but already Aoife knew full well that she wouldn’t be telling their mother, this wasn’t her secret to spill.

[Ciaran Lee Frye]

'Are you ever going to tell her, when she’s older?' He clenched his jaws again, not really wanting to answer that, but he offered a shrug of a shoulder. "Not for me to decide," he answered bluntly. It was Terra's, and he wasn't sure he agreed with it...but that didn't mean he didn't understand why she may not want Myra to know. What was the point of knowing an absent father? Wasn't it just easier to claim he didn't exist, or whatever story Terra wanted to cook up. It hurt, of course it did, but she had every right to make that decision.

"You said it yourself, Aoife...I'm a fuck up and an idiot," he snapped back, struggling to keep his voice as quiet as possible, but it was becoming increasingly difficult. "How is it that I have no idea, huh? Do you have some huge damn secret that would make this look like nothing? If so, please share because it would lessen the scrutiny I'll get if Mother finds out!" To him, this was his biggest mistake. He hadn't meant for it to happen, he hadn't meant to lose sight of things or lose control of any of it. It hadn't been so easy a thing to go to anyone about, no matter what Aoife said. This wasn't an, I accidentally set the curtains on fire kind of accident, or I knocked the flowers off the foyer table and broke the vase, or I didn't push Iain down the steps, or I skipped out on training today because it was boring' sort of mistakes. This involved someone else's life. This involved new life.

'You’re an idiot because you’re so adamant that none of us would be there for you that you didn’t even give someone the chance to be.' That hit him hard, but he wasn't going to repeat himself. He thought he could avoid the judgmental looks from whoever, the hurtful words. Would Aoife have reacted any differently if she had found out two years ago, or was this simply because he managed to keep it a secret from her for so long?

Still, deep down, passed all of this mood, he knew she was right to an extent. Then again, it might've been easier for her to berate him like this when she wasn't in his shoes.

Ciaran believed he was a failure because he was. As confident as he held himself, he really wasn't. Not always. He could barely move up in life. He got easily bored and distracted, or simply gave up when he couldn't be bothered with putting in a little extra effort. He had no goals, barely any respect for authority, and this had been the first time he had finally taken charge of something. And he messed it up. He had truly and honestly tried to fix it...and he failed.

His sister was still talking, and he didn't bother to intercept. He saw the moment Terra's name clicked, and he ran a hand down his face to try and stifle the anger that was still lingering. "Of course I did," he all but growled in annoyance. "Do you not know me? Marriage- are you kidding me? Just the idea of it scared me and I almost ran. I almost did it several times after. What kind of man does that?" His voice had quieted towards the end, nearly cracking as the rage was becoming replaced with tired confusion. "It's not right," he added in soft confession before he started to pace. Her brother was beginning to crack a little.

"I ruined her, Aoife. I'm not proud of it. And maybe...maybe this-" Ciaran began, gesturing to the cottage and all of Greyshollow. "...wasn't the best way to solve anything, but I feared I would just ruin her life even more if I stayed in it. Clearly, it didn't matter what I did." That bitter pity finally reared its ugly head, but his anger was now just directed at himself. "I don't know what it's like...to be that kind of person. Or to have someone to love in such a way." Fuck, maybe that frightened him, too.