Everything is Awkward

[Percival Lockheed]

"Father is a good man!" Percival found himself defending the man on instinct. He'd spent so many years singing the praises of his father no matter what his own actual feelings towards him were. "I just...I talk too much."

It was at least fairly obvious that the redhead cared a lot about other people. By the way he defended the girl and took care of Pearce. As much as they may be at each others throats he did need to give credit where credit was due. Though he wouldn't say it out loud. "He's so brash and dirty and violent." The younger blonde began muttering to himself but quickly stopped. When asked if there was something that made him happy Percival really needed to think for a moment. There weren't many things he derived real joy from. Mostly due to his experiences with most everything being few and far between.

"I like shopping...and dancing..."

[Pearce Lockheed]

Pearce flinched at the firm defense, but caught the instinctive apology from slipping out. No, he very definitely meant what he said about his father and uncle being poor listeners. There were quite a few more things he could say about his own father but...that wasn't proper conversation. Neither really was what he had just said, but he was trying to make his cousin feel better. Pearce had always defend his family to others and kept his own opinions to himself too.

"I fail to see how talking a lot is a bad thing," he said gently. Zander talked a lot sometimes. So did plenty of people. Pearce didn't consider himself long winded exactly, but he certainly wasn't the silent type. Still, he didn't press the issue. Percival would have to figure that out himself.

Pearce hesitated and then decided to take all of those notes about his boyfriend as positively as possible. Which mostly meant pretending he didn't hear the muttering as it trailed off. "He's quite confident, yes," he said with a smile. So it was a bit of forced optimism and positivity. IT was better than arguing over something that he couldn't explain. He loved Zander. As brash as the boy was. It didn't matter to him that he was a commoner or a foreigner and while yes, he had shown he could be violent, he had also shown he was quite in control of that.

Ah, shopping. He wasn't surprised. Pearce himself enjoyed shopping too. "Perhaps we can go to the marketplace tomorrow?" Pearce asked hopefully. Likely without Zander, considering how busy the soldier was. And Pearce hoped to have time to talk to his cousin. Really talk to him.

[Percival Lockheed]

"If you don't have anything intelligent to say you shouldn't say anything at all." Percival repeated the words he'd had aimed at himself far too many times. It was a saying so ingrained in his mind he could hear his fathers voice repeating it to him. That was also accompanied by a silent insult of his father claiming that his youngest son wasn't intelligent and therefore shouldn't be speaking.

When he mentioned something about the soldier being confident Percival scrunched his face in confusion and disgust. What did that man have to be confident about? That wasn't exactly an appropriate question to ask at the moment nor did he particularly want Pearces thoughts on what the redhead had to be confident for.

"Going to the market sounds nice." He stated plainly instead. The city marketplace was much bigger than the one he'd grown up with and he suspected he'd find some pretty jewelry.

[Pearce Lockheed]

Pearce pursed his lips. Well, if that wasn't verbal abuse, he didn't know what was. The blonde could practically hear his uncle saying the words and dragging his cousin through the mud with them. "Good thing you are int-intelligent, then," he mused, flashing a small smile before allowing the moment to end.

"Good," he said with sincere excitement. He could use a good reason to go for a walk in the marketplace and enjoy the fresh air and shop too, of course. Not that he needed a reason to shop but...hopefully it would prove to be positive bonding time. Pearce had a habit of doting on his friends and family and it was more than guaranteed that he would pay for any expense on their outing. "After lunch then. I look forward to it. In the mmmeantime, I need to t-turn in for the night. Cousin?" He made as if to turn toward the foyer and the stairs there, but paused to ensure Percival had no parting words.

There was something else he needed to do before turning in, but that wasn't any of Percival's business.

[Percival Lockheed]

Percival certainly didn't feel intelligent. Sure he could read and write, he could do math, play four different instruments, was a trained dancer, had been in the middle of studying the earth stars before he'd been sent to stay with Pearce. None of that made him intelligent though. At least as far as he was aware. Though he brushed away that thought and instead focused on the plan to go shopping. It would be nice to get out and walk around.

"Goodnight, cousin." He said softly before continuing on his way to his room.

Zander sat on the floor with the back of his head resting against the wall. Though Pearce hadn't told him to wait there he knew there was a conversation they still needed to have.

[Pearce Lockheed]

The nobleman, like many others, likely would have been quite impressed with the list of his cousin's accomplishments, should the man ever share them. But the Marquis didn't need to know all those things to consider the man an intelligent human being worth talking and listening to. So he attempted to suggest as much by example and action rather than words.

He supplied Percival a nod and hesitant smile in parting before making his way down the hall and up the stairs. While he had mentioned talking to Zander there, he didn't expect the boy to be there already. Honestly, like he had been in the library, Pearce was looking forward to a moment to breath and take some time alone to gather his thoughts.

Pearce opened the door and with a single-minded focus, made his way to one of the lounge chairs on the side of the room and settled into it was a sigh. "I can't imagine what it would be like to have children," he mumbled, closing his eyes and massaging his temples. Dealing with jealous alpha males was difficult enough. To think he still wanted kids of his own despite everything else...

[Zander Brogthamon]

Zander had heard Pearce making his way to the room. Had heard him enter and sit down but for the moment he didn't say anything. Not just yet. For the moment he still wasn't entirely ready to talk. Whether it was just exhaustion from his nerves or fear of hearing Pearce upset wit him he wasn't entirely sure.

The comment about children though made him smile. After raising his sister for most of his life taking care of kids was nothing new to him. "My mother said girls were easier to take care of than boys." Something about girls being mouthy sometimes but boys being wild and out of control. Though she had also always said he was the exception to that. Though he wondered if she would feel the same way if she could see him now.

"Briella can be a handful though." Maybe mystic children were just different.

[Pearce Lockheed]

Pearce jumped in alarm. His heart tried to leap out of his chest when Zander first spoke. His hand tightened on his breast on instinct against the flash of pain there but it faded as his blood pressure dropped back to his normal high. "Zander!" He hissed in relieved surprise. "I didn't..." see him. Obviously. Pearce blushed and took slow breaths and then slowly processed what the man said.

Girls were easier? Maybe that was why his father liked his sister better than him. Though from Zander's tone and words about Briella, it seemed to just be a saying.

He smiled faintly and shifted uncomfortably in the chair before finally removing his hand from his chest and patting his lap. "I'm fine. Just...tired," he informed the young man firmly, attempting to side step that discussion before it started. He probably wasn't fine but he was here to talk about other things.

"I..." Pearce didn't know how to begin. Where to begin. "I love you." That seemed good enough as anywhere else. A lot of it depended on if Zander wanted to be close to him or not. If the man did choose to sit with him, Pearce's pounding heartbeat was sure to give away quite a lot.

[Zander Brogthamon]

Zander couldn't blame him for being tired. Even he was feeling rather exhausted. Though he wasn't sure if it was normal exhaustion or emotional exhaustion. He didn't want to think about the latter. There was a part of him that wanted to suggest going to bed but he was sure the last thing Pearce currently wanted to do was go to bed with him. That thought alone was enough to make him curl more in on himself. While the offer to sit on his lap was tempting the redhead found he couldn't move. Was it fear? Exhaustion? Nerves? He couldn't really tell at this point but he still found himself firmly planted in his spot on the floor.

Why was it the way the man said he loved him made his heart pound? And not in the way it normally did. "I love you too." He stated with a slight hesitance in his voice. Not hesitance on meaning what he said but on where this was going. Things felt tilted. Like he was losing grip on things, though a part of him told him that seemed silly. With a deep breath he finally managed to pull himself from the floor and make his way towards where the noble was sitting. Though he still couldn't bring himself to be as close as he wanted.


"Is Percival alright?" As much as the blonde got under his skin and as much as he may want to physically hurt him he didn't necessarily want to make him feel unsafe. Just make a point clear to him.

[Pearce Lockheed]

The relief that Zander didn't press him on his physical state was palpable. His mental state...well he tired in both sense of the word. He wasn't old, he just...sometimes felt like it. Especially up against younger men like Percival and Zander competing. His nerves couldn't take even that much.

He actually really wanted to relax with the redhead, but when Zander didn't join him his hopes fell. He felt a little sick to his stomach over how...awkward he felt.

"I...don't know," he said honestly. "We're going out together. Tomorrow." He just hoped his cousin didn't hate him. Pearce reached out to grab Zander's hand gently, desperate to be close to the young man. "What, uh...what can I do to make you alright, love?" he asked carefully, heart pounding in his chest.

[Zander Brogthamon]

As Pearce reached out to take his hand Zander hesitated for a spilt moment. Anxiety formed a hard ball in the pit of his stomach but he forced his way past the feeling to take his hand. It was a bit more comforting to be touching him. Enough for him to take another step closer and rub his thumb over the others hand. "Well...that's good right?"

The question did catch him off guard a bit. It made him tense before furrowing his brow in confusion. "I...I don't know." He wouldn't say for Pearce to make his cousin leave. That wouldn't be a fair expectation to but on him and he didn't want to leave Percival without a roof over his head. At the moment though he was also tired and frustrated and he just wanted to be close with his boyfriend without fear or guilt or any awkwardness.

Without much thought he lifted Pearces hand to his lips and brushed his lips over the mans knuckles before pressing them against his cheek. "I just want you to be okay...and not be mad at me." He attempted to say the last part with a playful smile but it didn't quite reach his eyes.

[Pearce Lockheed]

"I hope so, yes," he agreed softly, distracted by Zander's touch. He sort of suspected Zander wasn't being forthcoming with him. The boy had to know what he wanted. He just didn't want to ask. Only Pearce really wanted to know.

He blinked. "I'm not mmmad at you, Zander. Trust me, you would know." Should the blonde ever be brought to true anger(it happened sometimes), it would be very apparent. He smiled as Zander kissed his hands and it was enough encouragement to reach up and tug the the boy toward his lap gently. Maybe he was being a bit clingy but he didn't care.

He supposed his frustration before warranted more explanation. "I...you told me how your f-father treated you once. You know I would never do that. Because...I..." he took a breath to try and steady his pulse. "My father...had a s-similar approach to p-parenting. Violence makes me uncomfortable..." It was more than that but he was terrified what Zander might think of him if he said all of it. And at the same time he wanted just one person to know.

[Zander Brogthamon]

As Pearce pulled him down to his lap Zander didn't fight it. As much as he might be afraid of what Pearce might say he did want to be close to him. If even for his own comfort. He needed the touch to feel more grounded. Being close to the marquis was his safe place. The redhead nestled against his chest an traced idle shapes there with the tips of his fingers.

Pearce had never really talked about his father before. Of course he'd picked up a few things here and there about the man but it was nothing he'd ever pressed for knowledge on. He'd already had the idea that the two had grown up somewhat similarly. At least with two shitty men in places of power in their lives. It was also fairly obvious that violence made the other uncomfortable.

"I don't...I don't make you uncomfortable do I?" He asked a bit hesitantly.

[Pearce Lockheed]

Zander's familiar weight in his lap was comforting. The warmth of the other man against him, his much more relaxed heartbeat, though it was clear the boy was nervous too. Feeling his hand on his chest was mentally calming. The marquis ran his fingers through Zander's hair and pulled him close so he could nuzzle into the redhead's locks, almost as if his scent was comforting. He stayed that way for a long moment, eyes closed.

He hugged the man when he asked his question. "Zander," he began carefully. "If you...if you made me truly uncomfortable, I would never have been intimate with you. I...my father, he..." Pearce took a breath and forced out the words. "He abused me. Not just...physically." Okay so maybe he wasn't being clear. Mentally? "It's really hard for me to...be close to people like I am with you," he said, struggling. He felt like he couldn't breath.

[Zander Brogthamon]

It was at least nice to hear that he didn't make him truly uncomfortable. The nights previous events aside. "I've never been as close with any other man as I am with you either." He started softly. Perhaps it was time for both of them to air out the skeletons in their closets. At least some of the. Zander didn't think he or Pearce could handle going into full detail about their childhoods all in one night

Obviously this was hard for Pearce to talk about. Just as hard as it was for him to talk about. But the man seemed to be skating around the topic, not that the redhead could blame him. Perhaps it might help to start small. If Zander could nudge him with some truth of his own it might help? "Did you know, I don't remember how I got this scar." He said as he motioned to the thin line that wrapped around his throat.

"I remember my father screaming at my mother. I remember taking Briella, who couldn't have been more that two, to my room to stop her from crying. My father hated the sound of her crying. I remember being very angry when I heard my mother scream and running out of my room..." He trailed off for a moment as his voice began to waver and crack. Zander tried to swallow down a hard lump of emotion in his throat and shook his head. As if he were trying to physically shake away the memory.

"My father wanted to raise me to be a weapon. He told me once that weapons don't weep so I shouldn't either."