Counting the Blessings

[Xenosa Alaoui]

It was so serene, to not be looking over her shoulder at every turn, to finally feel as if nothing could bring her harm. She felt light, calm, safe. Perhaps it wasn't really a safe bet to have let her guard down, but she couldn't seem to stop the walls from crumbling with each step forward she took.

The gardens were, so far, her favorite place. So quiet and calm. Somehow so beautiful, even in the dead of winter. There was just something about this place that put her at ease. As the sun shone down, warming her in the dark grey cloak that was pulled tight against her body, hood covering her head, she began to hum a quiet tune. So quiet that it wouldn't be heard by anyone not standing within mere feet of her. Her grey eyes scanned around, looking silver against the afternoon sun. She wished that spring would finally come so that she could feel the warmth of the sun against her bronze skin. The first time she'd felt it - really felt it - it had felt like she'd stepped into heaven. Her entire body had tingled from head to toe and Gods how she missed that feeling!

For now, the warmth that was being soaked up by her dark clothes was enough to suffice. A small smile was spread across her full lips as she made her way to a bench crafted from stone, taking a seat as her eyes lazily drifted around the gardens, her mind wrapping her in a daydream of the life she longed for; the life could finally start to achieve. In the week she'd been in Aralore, her bruises were mostly healed, the stab wound at the left side of her rib cage no longer so fresh that it split open each time she attempted to reach for anything remotely above her head. While it still ached, it was nothing like that first or second day. It would likely leave a scar, but after the torment she'd suffered, it was hardly an afterthought. After all, she could have paid with her life rather than some measly scar. While any other person may still be glancing over their shoulder and living in fear, it seemed that Xenosa was beginning to thrive. So far, the people had been friendly and welcoming and she silently praised herself for choosing Aralore as her new home, thankful for the folks that she'd met along the way. Without them - without this kingdom - she'd likely be another corpse in the ground. Her escape and the fact that she still lived? Well, that was just the first of her blessings thus far.

[Roman Gothard]

Now that the weather was starting to warm up, Roman had decided that it would do him and Apple some good to get out of the house and out of the Sparrow. Of course, it helped that it was his day off, and his sister had practically thrown him out on his ass into the snow and told him to relax. He'd been perfectly happy to stay at the bar chatting with patrons, but she insisted that it was important for him to get some time to himself. So, although he had rolled his eyes, he'd decided to just go for a rambling walk with his dog at his side to burn some energy and some time.

He passed through the town fairly quickly, seeing as there still wasn't much to it, across the bridge and through the open lands near the infirmary. Apple ran and leaped, frightening crows up out of the dried-out fields where they'd been picking at husks. The sun was high by the time he and Apple reached the gardens, and he meandered slowly as she ran ahead, sniffing at the base of different flowers and generally being excited about every single thing. He chuckled as she barked and chased a squirrel, then noticed a flash of color among the iced-over plants--a person. He whistled sharply for Apple, who returned obediently to his side, although she didn't look too happy about it.

"Oh come on, you've had all morning to go wild," he chided her, and she huffed and licked his fingers. He laughed and ruffled her ears before he approached the person. It wasn't until he was closer that he realized it was their new boarder, Xenosa Alaoui. He greeted her with a smile and a wave, although his other hand stayed near Apple, keeping her close to his side so she wouldn't charge off and demand to be pet.

"Hey, I wasn't expecting to see you out this far. I'm glad you're exploring, though." He greeted her with a smile and a wave. As he approached, he realized that he wasn't sure she'd seen Apple yet--he'd left her at home the last few days after she'd eaten a whole turkey leg off of someone's plate in the tavern. She was grounded. "Oh, how are you about dogs? I can send Apple off to play if you don't want her close. I promise she's friendly, though." As if to punctuate his statement, Apple's tail began to wag so hard it slapped loudly against the back of his leg.

[Xenosa Alaoui]

She'd heard the sharp whistle just before his approached and her head snapped up at the sound as she tensed slightly. However, she soon relaxed into a smile as she spotted Roman, one of the innkeepers that had shown her quite a bit of hospitality since her arrival. He greeted her and she offered a small wave before speaking. "I've been trying to gain some independence. I can't wait to see this place in spring." She said softly. "How are you this afternoon?" She asked him cheerfully in her quiet voice.

When he asked her about dogs, she tilted her head slightly, looking the small animal over. "I can't say I've ever seen a dog in person." The word sounded foreign as it left her tongue. She stood then, taking only a few steps closer before looking at the animal. "Apple, huh?" She laughed lightly, having never heard of anything with such a name. "She's cute. Can I touch her?" She asked him with a hopeful smile. She looked soft and as Xen crouched to the animal's level, she could see just from her eyes that the pup was friendly, just as Roman had said. She reached out a hand cautiously, jerking back in surprise as the canine's cold nose brushed her fingers before laughing again. While Xenosa had seen dogs before, she'd never known what they were called and it was rare that her eyes landed on one. She'd definitely never touched one. She noted that this particular dog looked much different than the ones back home, though there were a few similarities in their appearance.

If and when Roman gave her permission to pet the creature, she would give it a quick pat before standing up again and brushing her cloak straight, removing her hood in the process. "I take it you had the day to yourself?" She asked with a tilt of her head. She wasn't sure if she'd ever seen Roman out of the tavern before today.

[Roman Gothard]

"Good, good," Roman answered vaguely, not really worried about how he was because he was distracted by how she'd phrased that. Gaining some independence? Wasn't she already independent? It was little things like this that were helping him piece together the background that he and Roxanne hadn't asked her for. He didn't want to press Xenosa for any information she wasn't comfortable sharing, but he also wanted to know enough about it to make sure he was handling it appropriately--like asking about the dog, before letting Apple get too hyped up.

"Oh yeah, you can touch her. She'd be more upset if you didn't!" he joked as she crouched to be on eye level with Apple. He kept his hand at Apple's shoulder, pressing his fingertips into it so she knew to hold still. He could feel her trembling with excitement as the woman reached out her hand for Apple to smell. His brow furrowed with concern when she pulled back, but her gentle laugh brought the smile back to his face. Now that she'd been pet, Apple thought things were all about her, and she butted her head gently against Xenosa's leg, trying to get more scratches out of her. Roman laughed at the dog's antics.

At her question, his smile became a little embarrassed and he scratched the back of his head as he answered.

"Yeah, Roxanne kicked me out so that I'd actually take a day off. She thinks I work too hard or something--but she's working the tavern plus being a mom, so I don't see how I'm the overworked one." He rolled his eyes but his smile stayed, making it clear he wasn't genuinely upset. "Anyway, I didn't really know what to do with myself, so Apple and I have just been wandering around. She needed the exercise, and it'll be good for me too."

[Xenosa Alaoui]

Xenosa was oblivious to the way she'd worded her statement and even more oblivious by the way Roman had answered her question. Instead, she seemed rather occupied with the pup who was now demanding more attention from her. With a smile, she bent down to pet the pup again, giggling at the way it responded. Such a silly creature.

When Roman began to explain that Roxanne had pretty much kicked him out, she stood back up straight, tilting her head with a soft smile. "The way I see it, you both work far too hard." She told him with a nod."Not knowing what to do with yourself when you're not working only proves it." The words were light, almost joking. She definitely felt that the Gothard's poured every bit of their beings into their work. It was admirable, really. Something Xen thought more people should strive for. A strong work ethic was the backbone of success, after all.

After a moment, she motioned towards the bench she'd earlier been sat at. "Would you like to sit?" She asked as she began to make her way over to the stone sitting space, patting the spot next to her. She hadn't really come out of her room at the inn much since her arrival in Aralore, though Roxanne and Roman both had done well to check in on her when they felt the need to. And they didn't pry. It was likely the reason she felt she could easily talk to them both, even if she were careful to not give too much away about her past. Although, the burden still weighed heavily on her, and part of her wished she would talk about it. But the pity she knew she'd receive was enough for her to keep her secrets.

[Roman Gothard]

Roman's cheeks flushed slightly and he rubbed at his chin as he considered what she said. She was probably right, really, that the two of them needed to learn to relax more often, but he actually enjoyed his work at the tavern. It was oddly fulfilling to be able to give everyone a place to socialize and have a hot meal, not to mention that the inn had become kind of a hub for newcomers to Aralore while they worked to find the right fit for themselves. All were welcome in the Singing Sparrow, just the same way they had been in his parents' taverns growing up. It was a kind of family.

"Hm? Oh, yeah..." Roman agreed, pulled from his train of thought by an offer to sit with her. He sat with his long legs stretched out in front of him and was careful to leave her enough space so that they weren't touching, even if it meant that he was only half on the small bench. Apple followed the two of them and sat with her head on Xenosa's lap, looking up at her with begging eyes as her tail swished back and forth over the path.

"Oh c'mon, Apple. Give the lady some peace." Roman chuckled and leaned down to scratch the dog's back, but it did nothing to distract Apple from her new friend.

"How've you been, Xenosa? I know I've seen you in and out a bit, but we haven't talked a whole lot." He wanted to ask what she'd been doing and if she was looking for work and if there was anything he could do to help, a million questions, but he held his tongue. He knew better than to come at her too fast with all this, even if his intentions were good.

[Xenosa Alaoui]

She was pleased when he took the seat next to her, even to her surprise. But, she noted that Roman seemed more or less distracted. "Are you sure you're feeling well?" She asked, giving him a soft look as she absentmindedly stroked the dog who's head had found its place in her lap, tail wagging against the ground and causing Xenosa to giggle. "Why does it do that?" Xen asked, pointing to the pup's tail, her gray eyes alight with curiosity.

In everyday things, it was clear that Xenosa's past was sheltered, to say the least, though not in the way most people expected. It wasn't parents who had sheltered her away from life. It was an abusive man that had kept her so locked away from the world for his own selfishness, fueling his cruelty. Xenosa hadn't talked about him a single time since her arrival in Aralore, mostly for fear that she'd speak him into her current existence and her new life would begin to unravel at its very threads. She didn't want that. She wanted to be happy - she wanted to be free.

Roman offered her a question, pulling her from her thoughts as she gave him a gentle smile. "Oh, I've been doing very well! Certainly can't complain." She said cheerfully, tilting her head. "I'm sorry I haven't spoken to either of you much. Seems I have a hard time in social situations." She admitted with a shy pursing of her lips, a hint of nervousness in her soft tone.

[Roman Gothard]

Roman gave her another embarrassed grin as she asked if he was alright. He was doing his best, but apparently he had left his mind out in the fields on his walk and needed to reel it back in. "Yeah, I'm alright. Just thinking about what you said."

His grin grew as he watched her with Apple, just as excited about the dog as she had been about the dandelion wine. It was adorable, honestly, her childlike wonder at even little things. It was making him notice some of the things he'd taken for granted without ever realizing--like the bottled-summer taste of dandelion wine, and the joy of a good dog.

"She's happy," he explained, "Dogs can't smile, but they wag their tails when they're excited about things. They'll put their ears back flat against their head," He gestured with his hands, as if they were dog ears atop his head, "When they're scared. And if they're sad, they'll mope around just like a person."

As she answered his question, now, he listened carefully, adding more information to his growing mental picture of her past. So, she'd been mistreated, and kept out of social situations? Just thinking about it made his hand on the bench clench into a fist, but he opened it again as soon as he caught himself. He didn't want to worry her. He shook his head at her apology.

"Not at all! We're your hosts, but you're not obligated to talk to us, really. I just...I want to make sure that you have everything you need, and that we help you get settled here," he frowned, pulling his hands into his lap and looking down at them as he tried to find the words to explain. "I mean, it can't be easy to be starting up brand new in a strange place. I hope we can be your first friends, here, and help you feel at home." He groaned and leaned forward to rest his forearms on his knees, and turned his head to look up at her.

"Am I even making any sense or does that just sound like a bunch of excuses to you, too?" He asked. "I guess the simple answer is, I hope we can be friends, but we don't have to. It's up to you."

[Xenosa Alaoui]

An almost worried expression took over her features as he responded to her question and she feared she'd said something she shouldn't have. "Did I say something wrong?" She asked, unable to stop the well of nervousness that brew within her. Where she came from, saying things out of line was met with violent punishment. Try as she might to make herself realize that not everyone would react in such an ill manner towards her, there was always a scared voice at the back of her mind, threatening to tip her into self-isolation just to feel normal and safe again. Being isolated - though forcibly - had been the only time she'd really been safe, the only time she hadn't been punished. She quickly reminded herself that Roman was not like that. He'd been nothing but kind to her, nothing but gentle.

She was overjoyed when he began to talk about the dog again, pulling her from her fears in an instant and making her laugh as he used his hands to mimic dog ears. "That's very interesting." She said, looking down at the pup. "Is she always this happy?" She asked curiously, scratching Apple behind the ears. If the dog wanted attention, Xenosa was more than happy to give it. She liked how soft the dog's fur felt beneath her hands, the way it looked at her with big, friendly eyes. It made her wonder where she could get a dog of her own. Or perhaps she'd be better suited to a cat? The thoughts almost made her giggle again.

He dismissed her apology in a friendly way and Xenosa simply smiled at him, her smile widening as he said he wanted them to be her first friends and to feel at home. When he leaned his forward, turning his head to look at her, Xenosa tilted her head, not able to help how cute she thought he looked in that moment. He continued to explain and once the final words rested on the air between them, Xenosa did something she didn't normally do. She reached over and placed a bronzed hand against his paler forearm in a comforting touch. "I understand you perfectly." She said softly. "I am happy to call you my friend, Roman, and I will say time and time again that I cannot thank you - or Roxanne - enough for all you've done for me already." Her gray eyes were bright as she looked at him, all shyness erased in a moment when she felt someone needed her comfort.

[Roman Gothard]

Roman felt the hand on his arm like a punch to the gut as her grey eyes met his nearly black ones. Oh. Oh no. Shit, he was so screwed.

"I am happy to call you my friend, Roman," she told him, and he almost winced. But he'd set himself up for it, hadn't he? He just hadn't realized it until now: that feeling in his gut said way more than friends. He knew better, obviously--she'd clearly been through hell before she made it to Aralore, and he wasn't going to be just one more man who wanted something from her that she didn't want to give. So this was a really, really bad time to realize that she was beautiful and that he wanted to take that hand and hold it.

But, God, if realizing it didn't make a whole lot of the things he'd been doing over the last week make a lot more sense--and the way Roxanne had been laughing at him for being so attentive to their newest guest. One side of his mouth crept upward into a lopsided grin as he listened to her, and finally, he laughed and shook his head, dropping it back down to look at his knees for a moment before he raised one arm to run his hand through his hair. God, how was he even going to keep up this conversation without giving himself away? He didn't want to make her uncomfortable, so obviously he couldn't do anything about it. He would just have to wait it out and hope it faded. She deserved a safe place, and the Sparrow was going to be that place if it was the last thing he did.

"Nah, no thanks needed," he assured her, giving her a friendly smile as he returned to the same pose, looking up at her sideways. "Anything you need, we're here for you." Apple decided this was a prime opportunity to lick his face and jumped up to put her paws on his knees and licked his entire face in one slimy movement.

"Gahh!" Roman yelped and sat up fast, swiping at his face with his hands. "Apple, yuck, you licked my teeth!"

[Xenosa Alaoui]

She'd wondered what that little laugh was about, though it drew a smile to her lips as her soft gaze watched him for a moment, wondering what was going through his head. He'd looked away as the laugh escaped him and it made the white-haired woman just a tiny bit curious. When he finally spoke and looked up at her, she removed her hand from his arm, not sure how to respond. So instead, she muttered out a shy 'thank you.' She felt her heart warm at the words "we're here for you," and it almost brought tears of happiness to her eyes. However, that feeling was soon overwhelmed with laughter as Apple took to licking Roman in the face, and his reaction to it.

When she'd finally composed herself enough to speak, wiping away the tears that had formed from the force of her laughter, she still couldn't help but speak between giggles. "Why does she do that?" She asked. Xenosa was quickly beginning to feel like she could sit and talk to Roman for hours on end. He was so kind to her and it made her.. happy.

"Roman, could I ask you something?" She said slowly, looking at him cautiously as if he would get angry if she dared begin to ask him anything. Seems much of her past didn't want to leave her behind just yet, even if she'd left it behind - though it had only been a week. "Do you think if I'd lived in Aralore my whole life, we'd have been friends then too?" She'd looked away as the question passed her lips, somewhat feeling embarrassed for asking, but also a bit afraid of the answer. What if he was only friends with her now because he felt sorry for her? She didn't want that. She wanted him to like her. She wanted Roxanne to like her. Really, she wanted everyone to like her. But truthfully, and if she were being completely honest with herself, she really wanted Roman to like her. She wasn't sure why or what made her feel that way, but she already adored Roman and Roxanne - and now Apple too! She loved the Sparrow and some of the patrons she met. She loved Aralore. But she wouldn't have cared about any of it the way she did had it not been for the kindess that Roman and Roxanne showed her; had it not been for the attentiveness of Roman. That much was certain.

[Roman Gothard]

Oh... He could listen to her laugh forever, and if she thought it was this funny, he didn't even mind that Apple had licked his teeth. It was good to see her so openly happy, after also seeing how easily frightened she was, and the way she seemed to shy away from people. It felt good to know she was comfortable with him. He didn't even realize he was just watching her with a goofy grin until she was catching her breath so she could ask him a question.

Roman laughed and scrubbed his face one more time with his hands--to remove dog spit and the dumb look he'd had. "Puppy kisses," he explained with a grin. "Apple and I are family, so she licks me to show affection. Although, licking my teeth seems to be a game with her. I kinda think she thinks its funny." He shrugged. "She's a weirdo, but I love her."

When she piped up, he looked at her curiously, raising his eyebrows. "Yeah, 'course. What's up?" He agreed right away. She looked so nervous it almost made him nervous too, but he'd answer whatever it was honestly. He frowned slightly as she turned away and almost put his hand on her arm the way she'd done to him, but he didn't want to startle her. Her question surprised him. It wasn't something he'd thought about before, but the answer came easily.

"Yeah, sure! I mean, I can't think of any reason why not. You're kind and sweet, and we get along just fine now...so why wouldn't we if you'd been here sooner?" He frowned, wishing he could see her expression better. Was there something about this bothering her? He didn't want to just let her stew on it if there was something he could do to ease her mind."Can I ask what made you think of that? I mean...Is there something worrying you about us being friends?"

[Xenosa Alaoui]

That goofy grin of his was enough to make her heart melt, even if just a little. More than that, it made her wonder why he looked at her that way. It was so different from the way her abuser had looked at her. He'd gazed at her more like a predator ready to attack at any moment, but Roman? His dark eyes were so gentle on her with just the faintest hint of something else. It made her.. not quite nervous, but something else, something.. warmer. It was calming.

He explained the dog's actions then, and Xen pursed her lips, looking over the animal. Who knew they could possess such emotion, to love their human, a different species than they. How curious. Even so, she smiled, reaching down the pet the dog again. "Well, then I think she and I are on the same page." She said with a giggle. "It was pretty funny." She smirked before wiping it off her face quickly. Xenosa had never smirked, had never felt so.. was it confidence? No, not quite. Playful, perhaps? Seems there were not only many new things to experience in this world but new emotions as well. It made her realize just how small her world had really been.

He answered her question and somehow, she felt dissatisfied with even that answer. Maybe she was just being silly. Yes, that was it. She was being silly. He asked a question of his own and Xen gave him a slight smile, shaking her head slowly as she looked at him from beneath her lashes. "No, I'm not worried.." She began before breathing a quiet laugh. "I would have been much different if I lived here, I think. While I'm not fond of my past, I am somehow feeling grateful for it these days." She told him softly, wondering if he picked up on what she was implying. Xenosa believed everything was a ripple effect, following the path of fate. If her life had not played out the way it had, perhaps she would not be here today, sitting with Roman and enjoying his company, coming to adore Roxanne and now her new friend, Apple. She pushed the thoughts away. "Forgive me, seems I like to think too much into things these days." She said with a genuine laugh as her smile grew bright again.

[Roman Gothard]

Roman nearly stuck his tongue out at her when she said she agreed that it was funny to see Apple gross him out. That was how he would have responded to his sister...but he wasn't sure he wanted to look that immature in front of Xenosa. He settled for grimacing for a moment instead.

As she answered his question, Roman frowned. So that was what she meant...she wasn't asking if he would have liked her if he met her before, it was more like she was wondering how different her life would have been--how different she would have been--if she'd never encountered whoever hurt her. He sighed, running both hands through his hair as he sat up straight again, putting the heels of his hands on the bench behind him so he could lean back without falling over.

"I don't think there's anything wrong with thinking deeply about things..." he told her, glancing at her before looking back up at the clouds that drifted past so far above them. "I don't know. I'm glad I met you, but I don't think I want to be grateful for anyone that hurt you, not even if it does mean that we got to meet. I'd much rather you were safe, even if that meant you'd be far from me..." He shrugged one shoulder. "As for us being friends if you lived here, instead of whatever did happen...I really do think we'd still be friends. You're you, no matter what. Experiences shape us, and how we see the world...but I think there's a core person, deep in your heart. That's who you are, what you believe is right, what you love...it's deeper than what others can change about you."

He sighed, turned to look at her again, and grinned. "Maybe I'm the one overthinking now, huh? We've hardly known each other for a week, and here I am telling you I think you have a nice soul."

[Xenosa Alaoui]

She was attentive as he spoke, though her eyes too drifted to the clouds when his did as she listened. She contemplated the words carefully, her brow furrowing as she really tried to understand what he was saying. She leaned so her back rested against the bench then, her toes barely able to touch the ground as her hand rested on Apple's head. She smiled at Roman's words, looking at him again with a little curiosity in her eyes.

He'd said he was glad to have met her, that people would always be who they were in their heart, no matter their circumstances, but what had taken her off guard was his final words. She stared at him, her face blank as she tried to grasp those words. "Here I am telling you I think you have a nice soul."

What did that mean, she had a soul? But not just a soul, a nice soul.. She blinked a few times, looking away and at the ground as her perceptions of herself seemed to warp instantly. She wasn't sure what to say. All her life, she'd been called a witch, a cursed child. In her last home, she'd been called worthless, seen as nothing more than an object to be used and abused. Objects didn't have souls. They simply existed in a touchable form. They were not given souls. But then, they also weren't supposed to feel emotions, and Xenosa did. Was that what having a soul meant? To feel? What even was a soul? Was it the very definition of existing in a form beyond being an object of use?

Finally her brow furrowed and she looked at him, pursing her lips. "I can't say I know what that means." She admitted quietly. "But, I think I understand.." She added, her grey eyes meeting his very dark browns with a soft smile tugging just at the corners of her mouth. "If having a soul means what I think it means, then yours is very bright. Kind, gentle.." She said the words slowly. She leaned forward, pressing a finger to his chest with the faintest touch, right where his heart would be as her other hand was placed over her own heart. "I hope to one day have a soul like yours." She told him, her eyes fixated on the finger she used to reach out, rather than his face. She was unaware for a moment that her gesture was one of her native peoples', oftentimes used when telling another person 'I know you,' as a way of insinuating they understood them on an almost spiritual level. Perhaps it was fitting in this moment, even if it seemed a little too intimate for Xenosa's taste.