Magpie
29
Single
Tavern Co-Owner
|
Post by Roman Gothard on Jun 14, 2020 17:58:40 GMT -5
Roman held perfectly still as Xenosa reached out to press her fingertip to his chest, right where his heart pounded beneath skin and bone. His dark eyes were wide, and his usual grin had fallen from his face as he watched her with awe. He hadn't expected her to think so highly of him after only a week, but he trusted that she was being truthful. He hoped she was right, that his essential self was kind and gentle, despite the flaws he sometimes saw in himself: impulsiveness and cowardice. Perhaps as an outside observer, she had better insight into his soul than he could.
But then, perhaps the same was true of him? It hurt to think that she didn't realize that she was kind and gentle as well--likely more so than he was. But how was he going to make her understand? Part of him just wanted to pull her into a hug and tell her that she was wrong, but he knew that kind of rash behavior was more likely to scare her away, and he wasn't willing to risk it.
Slowly, he brought up his hand to take hers, his eyes never leaving her face as he watched for her reaction. He was desperate not to make her uncomfortable, and if she showed even the slightest sign of being upset, he'd release her instantly. Still moving slowly, he turned her hand palm up and slid his calloused hand over hers to unfold her fingers so that he could hold her hand in both of his. He pressed it gently, waiting for her to meet his eyes.
"I promise you, you already do." He paused, nervously licking his lips as he tried to gather his thoughts. "I...I don't know what happened before you came here, but whatever it was, it doesn't make you any less. You deserve good things, Xenosa. If nothing else, I hope you can believe me when I say that."
|
|
Lux
26
Don't touch me
Healer
Tier 2 Character
|
Post by Xenosa Alaoui on Jun 17, 2020 20:34:46 GMT -5
Xenosa had only known cruelty. For her entire life, everyone around her had been vicious, tearing her down and leaving Xenosa to pick up the pieces of her fragile heart by herself. Having known so much pain, so much mistreatment - so much darkness that a person could have, Xenosa was something of an expert at seeing people for who they truly are. Intentions spoke loudly in words never said. Roman and Roxanne? They had hearts of the purest gold. They were good. They were blessings.
As his hand reached for hers, her eyes watching his movements carefully, a soft, curious expression held her features. She tilted her head when he unfolded her fingers, pressing her small hand between both of his before he spoke up again. Her eyes found his face, resting on him gently as a serene smile turned up the corners of her mouth. She felt her heart tighten in her chest and could feel the burning in her eyes as tears stung them. Her bottom lip quivered slightly, despite her smile and without hesitation, she lifted her other arm to reach towards him. "May I have a hug?" She asked, feeling silly as a tear slipped down her cheek that she promptly wiped away with a nervous laugh.
For so long, she'd only known how cruel people could be. There was hardly any light or kindness to be found in Xenosa's past, only a deep darkness that seemed inescapable. Here, with Roman, it seemed she'd finally found a blazing light that was showing her the way to a life that could be full of so much good. Her heart ached with hope and her newfound happiness could only be expressed by the tears that refused to stop streaking her cheeks. Finally Xen knew what kindness looked and felt like.
|
|
Magpie
29
Single
Tavern Co-Owner
|
Post by Roman Gothard on Jun 17, 2020 21:15:18 GMT -5
The second he had permission, Roman tugged Xenosa forward and bundled her into a hug, he didn't bother answering out loud. His broad shoulders and arms curved around her, although he was careful not to squeeze her too hard. She seemed fragile, somehow, and he wanted her to feel safe, not trapped. He gently guided her so that her head rested under his chin as he held onto her. Despite the chill air, he was warm as always, and he could tell that his warmth was reheating both her and the cloak as he hugged her. He knew she was crying, but he didn't entirely know why. Still, it didn't matter whether he had all the answers; what mattered was that he offered whatever comfort he could. Gently, he ran his hand up and down her back, trying to soothe her.
His heart ached as he hugged her; although he was glad she'd let him, that she felt safe with him, it still hurt to know that someone had taught her to think so poorly of herself. He wished he could undo the pain she'd suffered, but he knew better. All he could do was try to make her path forward as easy as he could. And he knew, with that ache in his heart, that he would likely do more than he really should to make it happen.
"Xenosa..." he began, but faltered, not sure what to say.
|
|
Lux
26
Don't touch me
Healer
Tier 2 Character
|
Post by Xenosa Alaoui on Jun 20, 2020 19:03:29 GMT -5
She was surprised at the sudden movement, her eyes widening for a split second as she was pulled into him before she immediately relaxed into his arms, wincing slightly at the sharp pain that shot through her ribcage. Her head rested against his chest, hearing his heartbeat in his chest as if playing her, her own personal lullaby. Her tears had stopped almost instantly the moment his hand began to rub against her back, calming her further as the warmth of his embrace washed over her a hundred times over. She felt the warmth radiating from her chest, spreading to every limb as her small arms wrapped around him, her fingers interlocking while her head snuggled deeper into his chest. With each breath, his smell sent a wave of comfort over her. How was it possible that something as simple as a hug could make someone feel so good? How was it that she was so touch starved? She ached to remain here, in his arms, for a lifetime. An impossible wish, she knew, but it seemed to erase every bad feeling, every sad thought from her being.
When he spoke her name, she looked at him with a curious expression. He sounded defeated as it rolled off his tongue and it made her heart ache for just a moment. He didn't have to say anything. She already knew what he meant. Or at least, she thought he did. "Thank you, Roman." She said, barely above a whisper, squeezing him gently before she looked towards him again with a smile. "You've no idea what such a simple gesture means to me." She muttered as her grey eyes looked at him, bright against her dark complexion. "I'm very happy to have met you." She added, returning her head to his chest so that she could hear his heartbeat again. Such a beautiful sound it made.
|
|
Magpie
29
Single
Tavern Co-Owner
|
Post by Roman Gothard on Jun 20, 2020 22:31:09 GMT -5
Roman smiled softly at her words. "I'm glad, too. And I'm always here for a good hug if you need one." He chuckled softly, adjusting his arms as she tucked her head back under his chin. He didn't say it aloud, but the hug was doing him some good as well, especially the little squeeze she gave him. He and his sister were pretty affectionate with each other, but it had been a while since he'd had a good hug. He was perfectly happy to stay just like this for as long as Xenosa was willing. There was only one thing bothering him.
"You're right, though, I'm sure I have no idea..." He spoke softly and slowly, trying to convey the same energy with his voice as he did with the hug. "I won't pry, so don't worry about it if you don't want to...but if you ever need someone to talk to about...what came before you reached Aralore, I'd be happy to listen."
He truly didn't want to pressure her, even if he wanted to know--he wanted her to be comfortable, and he wanted to know how to make her more comfortable. And beyond that, he wanted...well, he wasn't entirely sure. To be trusted, perhaps? For her to see him as safe to talk to? A different kind of intimacy, perhaps. A deeper friendship. But he knew that might not be fair to ask of her after whatever it was that had left her so unhappy with herself. And besides that, it might just be torturing himself, now that he knew he liked her that way. And yet, here he was, digging his own grave a little deeper.
|
|
Lux
26
Don't touch me
Healer
Tier 2 Character
|
Post by Xenosa Alaoui on Jun 21, 2020 0:28:01 GMT -5
"That is good to know. I may take you up on that offer from time to time." She admitted shyly. To be truthful, this was the most comforted she'd ever felt. Every single burden melted away, leaving her feeling lighter than air. It almost felt strange to have such a sense of calm within herself, to physically feel the things that haunted her being forced into submission by nothing more than kindness and closeness. Was she letting her guard down too much? Would he come for her right when she finally felt at peace with herself, sending her world spiraling back into the chaos that had become terrifyingly familiar? Or would she be able to remain here, in eye of the storm that whirled around her viciously, constantly threatening to swallow her whole? For now, none of it seemed to matter. Everything was lost in a single moment.
His next words caused her to smile before she reluctantly pulled away to look at him. Her eyes looked over his face as she bit her bottom lip before she sighed. "I do not wish to burden you with my past, though I am an open book." She told him, looking to Apple so she did not have to face him as she spoke. She reached a hand down to scratch the dog's ears. "If there is anything you want to know, you have my permission to ask me. Otherwise, I'm not even sure where to begin." She said with a defeated laugh. She was young and her life was still very much in its early years. However, there was so much that had happened in the short 26 years she'd been alive. It was enough that sometimes, she forgot the timeline of events, forgetting when in her timeline certain events had really taken place. But at the same time, she remembered so much, and most of it was comprised of things she'd rather not remember. It seemed the darkest parts of her past were the brightest in her memories, always as its forefront, ready to be recalled at a moment's notice. It was exhausting really. Her traumas kept her up at night more often than not, daring to resurface more in her dreams than her waking moments. All in all, there was no way to escape the things that frightened her most. They were always there, waiting, lingering.. Perhaps talking about them may help. No one knew of her life except the men who owned her. The men she'd been sold to.
She placed both her hands in her lap then, looking at him with a warm smile. "I will say that my original home is no place like this. We do not have buildings, armies, places like your Singing Sparrow." She gestured to Apple then. "We do not have dogs there either. Horses, none of that. It's a simple life, but a hard one. I don't recall much of it, though. I was so young when I had to leave." She said, though it was clear in her tone she did not desire to go back.
|
|
Magpie
29
Single
Tavern Co-Owner
|
Post by Roman Gothard on Jun 28, 2020 10:03:11 GMT -5
Roman looked a bit like Apple in the moment she pulled away--a dog who was sad he wasn't being cuddled any more. As she looked up at him, though, he soon went from disappointment to concern, and as she turned away he was practically distraught. Had he upset her by asking? Perhaps he should have known better...perhaps he did know better.
What she said made him sit up straighter, and he nearly protested that he couldn't imagine it being a burden to him--she was the one who'd had to live it. He managed to hold his tongue, however, to hear what else she would say. He had permission to ask...but to be honest, he wasn't sure where to begin either. There was clearly more to this than he had suspected before. Her laughter held none of the childlike wonder of before, and it broke his heart to hear it. He nearly pulled her back into his arms then and there, but again, he held back, afraid of pushing her too far, too fast. He wanted her to feel safe. A brief hint of panic crossed his mind: was he going to hurt both of them with his curiosity and selfish feelings?
Her smile had warmed again when she turned back to him, although it gave him small comfort. He'd glimpsed what lay behind it, now, and he didn't think that weight would truly vanish so easily.
What she said about her "original home" left a strange hollow feeling in his chest and his brows twitched downward in his confusion. "Original," meaning she was not able to stay there. "Had to leave," she said. Had she run, or was she taken? It must have been somewhere far from here if there were no dogs, no horses, no taverns or inns. Too focused on that thought, he didn't catch himself in time to stop himself from tucking a stray piece of hair back behind her ear, although he blushed slightly and looked down at Apple when he realized what he'd done.
"I don't want to ask too much of you, but I can guarantee it won't be a burden to me," he told her, looking back up at her now that he'd calmed his embarrassment.
"Maybe for today, instead of asking you for the details, you can just confirm a few things for me?" He suggested, raising his eyebrows. If she agreed, he'd nervously lick his lips before saying, "Someone hurt you, didn't they? They're the reason you were so afraid." He had to stop then, swallowing hard before he could continue. "I hope...I hope I never make you feel that way. If there's anything I can do to make you feel safer, please, tell me."
|
|
Lux
26
Don't touch me
Healer
Tier 2 Character
|
Post by Xenosa Alaoui on Jun 29, 2020 13:57:12 GMT -5
She'd nearly flinched when he reached for her, but instead remained still, mostly out of curiosity. As his hand tucked a strand of white hair behind her ear, she couldn't stop the smile that spread across her lips. She nearly couldn't resist the urge to lean into his touch. But his voice breaking the short silence between them was enough to help her keep her resolve. "As I said, I am an open book. There is no sense in keeping my past a secret. It is the past, after all." She said with a small shrug.
He then had a different idea and she nodded in agreement, a warm smile across her face as she did so. She didn't want him to feel uncomfortable asking. If he wanted to know, she wanted to tell him. More than that, it was only him that she seemed to want to tell. She knew that she'd shy away from others who asked. Knew she wouldn't want to speak of it as openly. But Roman? She trusted him already. She felt safe with him. He was easy to talk to and so very kind to her, it would be difficult to not trust him.
When he asked his question, she nodded slowly with a forced smile. "Yes. Someone hurt me. Very badly and very often." She told him, gauging his reaction to her words. His next words nearly broke her heart and she quickly reached out a hand to pat his cheek. "Roman.." She said softly. "You've been nothing but kind to me. You have not hit me, threatened me, my life.." Her words trailed off. She pressed her lips into a hard line then before she lifted up the end of her cloak and then the baggy shirt she wore, revealing the bandage that wrapped around her ribs. There was dried blood on the otherwise white cloth and she felt nervous and exposed showing him. "You did not do this to me." She whispered before covering herself once more and placing her hand over his. "I feel so much safer just being in your presence." She told him.
|
|
Magpie
29
Single
Tavern Co-Owner
|
Post by Roman Gothard on Jun 30, 2020 22:59:19 GMT -5
Roman flinched with his whole body when she confirmed his suspicions. Of course, he'd seen it coming, he'd suspected within only a few minutes of her walking into the Sparrow, but that didn't stop the visceral horror that accompanied the thought of anyone wanting to hurt her at all, let alone "very badly and very often." It made him sick. But beyond that...It made him want to hurt them, whoever had dared to harm this kind, gentle person. She deserved so much better, and the instinct to make them stop, to punish them, was stronger than he anticipated. He took a slow breath through his nose and forced his shoulders to relax, not wanting to let Xenosa think he was feeling aggressive towards her.
Her hand on his cheek took all the rest of the anger out of him, and he visibly relaxed, releasing tension he hadn't even been aware he was holding. To hear that she was not afraid of him was a major comfort. He never wanted her to feel that way again. The tension soon returned, however, as he watched her face harden. Concern knit his brows as he watched, unconsciously mirroring the way she pressed her lips into a thin line. He didn't understand what she was showing him until he saw the blood that had seeped through the bandages. A ragged gasp escaped him, giving voice to his distress. She had been hurt this entire time? Why hadn't she said anything? Did she need a healer? He gaped at her like a fish out of water, even as she put her hand over his. Out of reflex he took her hand and squeezed it, perhaps a bit more urgently than he should have.
"Xenosa, I--" He stammered, running his free hand through his hair as he tried to pick up the pieces of his mind even as it ran in a thousand directions. He abandoned the train of thought about her feeling safe in his presence, and the warmth in her eyes. The question of reassuring himself had absolutely flown out of his mind, and he was left with nothing but panicked concern for her. In the end, that was who he was; his first instinct would always be to help and to protect. Revenge wasn't the priority, as satisfying as it might be, and neither was his own comfort. The priority was her wellbeing. "Do you--do you need a healer? Has someone been taking care of that for you?"
|
|
Lux
26
Don't touch me
Healer
Tier 2 Character
|
Post by Xenosa Alaoui on Jul 13, 2020 12:50:27 GMT -5
Perhaps she'd gone too far, but he'd asked after all, and she was more than willing to share. Despite his reactions and the way they made her heart ache, she kept herself steady, patting his hand with the one he wasn't holding in his grasp gently, comforting him though it seemed he only wished to comfort her. How alike they seemed to be in their concern for others. Even so, she didn't like seeing him upset. She didn't like knowing that it was her confirmations that made him feel upset. At his question, she reached up with her free hand to pat his head, laughing lightly.
"I've already seen a healer, in another one of the lands. Teronna, I think it was. Or maybe Tresteria. I can't really recall which. But a young woman tended to me there." She reassured him. "Since then, I've been able to clean and treat myself. It will be nothing but a scratch in due time." She told him calmly. That was something of a lie, however. The wound was bound to leave a nasty scar, a permanent reminder of where she'd come from. But here in Aralore, sitting with Roman in this quiet garden, all of her trauma seemed to be fading into faint memories. Sure, they were often fresh in her mind, but they would pass as the time did, ebbing into the fog until they tortured her no more. Or at least, that's what she hoped.
She stood then, offering her hand so that Roman might stand with her. "Shall we take a walk before heading back?" She asked him, a smile pulling at the corners of her mouth as she looked at him with gentle eyes. "You know, despite all the bad things that have happened to me, there is much more to me than my trauma. I praise myself for that." She said softly. "I do not wish for you to fret for me. After all, it was merely a bad point in time for me, not a bad life." She told him, looking up at him with a bright grin. "So please wipe that concerned look off your face. I much prefer that smile of yours." She half-teased, poking his cheek with her finger while letting her other hand intertwine with his.
|
|
Magpie
29
Single
Tavern Co-Owner
|
Post by Roman Gothard on Jul 18, 2020 21:46:23 GMT -5
He wanted to believe her that it would be just a scratch, but with that much blood, even now...he doubted that was entirely accurate. Maybe he could get Rox to take a look at it and see if she needed another healer. His thoughts churned wildly, wondering how long a knife wound took to heal, if there were anything vital that might have been damaged, and if he had any salve for wounds back in his room, all his mental energy still tangled up in making sure that Xenosa was safe and healthy.
Without thinking Roman took her hand to stand, although he let it go soon afterward when his mind caught up. Now that his panic was subsiding and she was smiling, the unhelpful flutter in his ribcage was returning. She was just so pretty, and he loved how happy she looked...he wanted her to smile at him like that all the time. It was a far cry from the way she'd curled in on herself the day they met or even the distant sadness that had colored her voice only a few moments before. Oh lord, and her comments about preferring his smile too were not helping matters. He glanced away as he felt his cheeks warm and bent to rub Apple's ears as a distraction.
"Well hey, I knew there was a lot more to you than trauma. But I want to respect that part of you too, ya know? I mean...Somebody didn't respect your boundaries and gave you hell. So it's important to me that I be aware of what is and isn't comfortable for you, or things that you might not like. I try to respect everybody that way, but it's um...more delicate? If somebody has been through things like that." He shrugged, and although he tried not to, he found himself looking back over at her with what he was sure was a dopey grin. "But smiling around you is pretty easy, so I can do that."
God that was cheesy. He was awful. He sounded like Keiran. No wait, Keiran probably would have pulled it off better. Shit.
|
|
Lux
26
Don't touch me
Healer
Tier 2 Character
|
Post by Xenosa Alaoui on Aug 16, 2020 19:13:57 GMT -5
She let his hand fall away from hers, content in simply walking next to him instead. When he spoke, she listened, offering a smile as she looked forward while they walked. She looked over at him then, taking note of that silly, almost child-like grin that was across his face. It made her giggle before she spoke again. "I appreciate your concern and your respect for my boundaries." She told him simply. She didn't even really know what her own boundaries were, truthfully. So long as no one raised a hand to her again, raised their voice to belittle her, she would likely be okay with most things. Sure, she was still skittish and flinched every now and again, but those were little more than instinctual reactions.
She desperately wanted to change the subject now. Their earlier conversation had been much more plesant, but she wasn't the type to leave things how they are. "Were there any other questions you had for me? Anything else you wanted me to confirm?" She asked, looking over to him and then down to Apple to walked loyally next to her owner. She was still highly considering getting a dog of her own. Apple was just so cute! Besides, it would be nice to have someone there, even if just a loyal, loving pup.
Xenosa was quick to bring herself out of her thoughts, focusing again on Roman in case he spoke. She didn't want to seem distracted or like she intentionally wasn't listening. Besides, she liked being present.
|
|
Magpie
29
Single
Tavern Co-Owner
|
Post by Roman Gothard on Aug 25, 2020 20:46:26 GMT -5
Roman nodded once, acknowledging her comment about appreciating his respect. It wasn't really anything to thank him for, so he liked that she said she 'appreciated' it instead. That he could live with. But really, any decent person ought to be respecting her boundaries the same way he was. He wondered how anyone could really let themselves get too deeply into treating others as items or worse. Wouldn't that eat away at them? He was the kind of person who felt guilty if he so much as raised his voice at his sister in an argument; how could someone justify beating another--or stabbing them, as had clearly happened to Xenosa? It seemed to him that there were few offenses that could justify such extreme violence. Actually, the only reason he could think of to kill someone was to prevent others from being harmed. He'd kill the man who did this to Xenosa, for example, if he thought it would protect her from ever suffering that way again.
Her words shook him from a reverie he hadn't realized he was falling into.
"Ah, no, that was the main thing. I just, er, wanted to make sure I wasn't jumping to conclusions, but I also wanted to make sure I was being careful of things that might bother you, and being a good host--or a good friend, rather--and, uh...Yeah. A-anyway. Long story short I don't want to do anything to harm you at all ever." He made a face and ran a hand through his hair, trying to get himself back on track. They didn't need to dwell on her abuse forever, there were way happier things to talk about. "Let's talk about something nicer. What are your favorite things in the world? Like...favorite food? Favorite color? Do you have a favorite song?"
|
|
Lux
26
Don't touch me
Healer
Tier 2 Character
|
Post by Xenosa Alaoui on Sept 9, 2020 22:55:39 GMT -5
Xenosa laughed lightly, giving Roman a curious look as he babbled. How was he somehow cuter when he babbled? Catching herself in that, thought, Xenosa smiled as she looked ahead. "I already know that you will not harm me." She told him sincerely. "I know that I am safe in your presence." She glanced at him from the corner of her eye.
A happy sigh escaped her when he changed the conversation and she gave him an apologetic smile. She didn't want him to think their earlier conversation had burdened her, but she much preferred happy Roman to cautious, careful Roman. She considered his questions carefully before speaking. "My favorite things in the world.." She said thoughtfully. "Well, I don't think I have a favorite food. I haven't been exposed to much." She admitted. "But, my favorite color is light blue." She thought about her favorite song before shrugging. "I don't suppose I have a favorite song either. But I do have a favorite person.." Her words trailed off softly as she looked up at Roman, a shy smile spread across her lips.
|
|
Magpie
29
Single
Tavern Co-Owner
|
Post by Roman Gothard on Sept 27, 2020 13:59:44 GMT -5
Roman chuckled at her admission she didn't yet have a favorite food. “That’s an easy fix–hang around Rox and Aileana for a little while, and they’ll be sure to find something you love.”
Light blue for the color, though, like the sky. He liked that. His was the warm, rich, brown of wheat, the color (and smell) of fresh-baked bread. Actually, the warm hue of her skin was pretty close…Oh, c’mon, Roman! Stay on topic. Favorite color. Brown. Bread. Tell her that part, not the other. He was going to say so, but she was continuing. No favorite song–another thing they could work on, even if his singing voice was mediocre at best. The tavern life had taught him plenty of good drinking and laughing songs.
The smile she gave him as she mentioned she had a favorite person had his cheeks flushing hot as he quickly looked back down at apple and scratched the back of his neck. Did she mean him? Really? That was enough to start a little spark of possibility in the back of his mind, but he was too scared to push it. This was the first long conversation the two of them had shared; it was too early to be pushing things so fast. He would behave.
“Huh. Well, uh. We uh–we can work on the other things. Finding you a favorite food and a favorite song and all that,” he sputtered, a silly smile still tugging at the corners of his lips despite his best attempts to be reasonable. “You’ve got all kinds of time to live a whole new life here, and to find all the things that make you smile. And whenever Apple and I can help, you know we will.”
|
|