leave the soul alone

[Zareen Sethos]

They used to play here as kids- she, Muriel, and Rowan. Right now, the forest was eerily silent, as if no living creature dared to venture too close to the ruins; too close to the pagan treachery that had once been a temple the Mystics devoted themselves to. She hadn’t known any better then when she ran around the sacred grounds, that she climbed upon the rocks of what was left of the foundation and walls. Standing there now, she had the urge to spit but had learned to curb that attitude a long time ago. Mostly.

After Muriel died, she barely saw Rowan. In some ways, she had little choice because of her chosen profession, but that didn’t mean she gave him the time of day. In her eyes, whatever friendship had been there no longer remained. He had been gone too often from Muriel’s side. He had been gone when she burned to death in that village. Zareen couldn’t wrap her head around it, but she couldn’t stop blaming him. Perhaps it was just best if they completely parted ways as if all of those years never existed. Zee had loved that woman so fiercely, as though she were her own sister, and now she couldn’t let go of the betrayal she felt.

He should have been there, she kept telling herself. He should have protected her as he had promised.

With a heavy sigh, Zareen turned to take a seat on one of the large pieces of the fallen temple, awaiting a fellow ranger. They were being paired off to begin scouting further into the woods in hopes of finding a trace of the Mystic camp. Rumor had it, however, that the Mystics themselves were divided- one group liked to be called the Unseelie. Clever, she mused in annoyance. But a magic user was a magic user to her, it didn’t matter. They would all die with an arrow through their throat.

Retrieving the small knife from the sheath in her boot, dark eyes idly examined the blade as she waited, twirling it around between her fingers in boredom. Whoever she was waiting for was late, or perhaps she had been far more punctual than she thought. Whatever the case, she just prayed it wasn't Conall. He never shut up, and she wasn’t sure how he even became a ranger. He was a decent shot, sure, yet Zareen couldn’t fathom how he ever hit anything when he never closed his damn mouth.

She really didn’t have the patience for that. She didn't have patience for a lot of things these days, it seemed.

[ Rowan DeGraff ]

[Rowan DeGraff]

Rowan typically worked alone--he preferred it that way. It allowed him to use his gift without the worry of another finding him out--especially one who despised mystics. He should despise mystics, and maybe, he did. They killed his wife and sister, and so many other innocents who shouldn’t have been caught up in any of it. Did that make him a hypocrite? He never knew of his camouflaging ability--not until Muriel and Cara’s death, and he honestly had no idea how long it had been part of him. He was half-mystic because of his father and had been afraid to tell the rest of his family because of their involvement with the Wardens. He often wondered if his mother even knew. It was a secret he kept entirely to himself, wondering if it would be something he’d take to his grave--whenever that may be. If he had been able to take Muriel and Cara’s place, he would have in a heartbeat.

When he had been assigned to meet another ranger to go on a paired scouting mission, he tried to think of all the possible people it could be. If it was Conall, he’d turn right back around and tell them he got lost in the woods somewhere. He’d hide in the shadows and do his patrolling from within them. Then again, Conall would tell their commander he hadn’t shown, and he didn’t wish to be in any sort of bad standing. Rowan didn’t understand why they still insisted he pair up with someone.

On top of it all, the meeting place was at the temple ruins. The place had so many memories for him regarding Muriel and Zareen and the adventures they would often go on. He had always been great at hiding, and he wondered if it had been his abilities that gave him the advantage, despite not knowing he was capable of doing such a thing back then. But to have to meet at a place that involved the Mystics, seemed like a cruel punishment to him--to further push that dagger deep into his heart. He knew the moment his eyes fell upon the ruins, all of the memories would come flooding back to him, despite his attempts at trying to suppress them and the emotions that would ensue.

His footsteps were silent as he approached the ruins, walking around them until he spotted his partner for the day. What he hadn’t expected, was to see her His heart instantly sank, and then it twisted in a knot in the pit of his stomach. Who had been responsible for this, and what had he done to deserve this torment of his past? Rowan knew she would feel the same when she saw him approaching.

Reluctantly, he moved forward until he would be in her view, and he stopped a good distance away, his green eyes meeting her face and he stared. He stared--but not in the way a woman might hope to be stared at. There were sorrow and dread in his gaze. This was going to be a long day.

“Zareen…” He silently muttered, though just loud enough for her to hear.

[Zareen Sethos]

The moment she caught movement ahead, she completely paused; those cat-like eyes drifting upwards but just stopping short of actually looking at him. He'd said her name, and she felt this coldness rush through her before her blood started into a slow, burning boil.

"You have got to be fuckin' kidding me..." she murmured deeply under her breath. The knife was flipped around expertly between her fingers so that she grasped the blade, as if she was contemplating on throwing it straight at him. It would be a lie to claim she hadn't been thinking about it, and it took a lot of her willpower to play nice. For now, at least.

That gaze finally rose the rest of the way to find the man's all too painfully familiar face, a face she had loved and adored once, and her expression was the very essence of annoyance. "Well, isn't this my lucky day..." The words dripped with sarcasm as she slipped the knife away then silently dropped down from the stone. Zareen didn't trust herself to hold a weapon right now.

Standing up straight, she didn't advance any closer. He heard her just fine. Where there seemed to be sorrow and dread in his eyes, there was nothing but pain, betrayal, and distrust in her own, and he was going to know her displeasure at seeing him there. She wouldn't have to utter another word for him to truly understand.

Well, didn't mean she wasn't going to anyway.

"Or, perhaps, this is my punishment for something. Is that it?" Zareen visibly clenched her jaws. She should behave, she should just remain silent, get this over and done with, and move on again. It wouldn't be easy, but she had little choice in the matter. "Out of all the rangers in Teronna, it had to be you."

[Rowan DeGraff]

"You have got to be fuckin' kidding me..." The words lingered in his own mind, though he didn’t murmur them as Zareen had. His green eyes narrowed slightly as he stared at the woman he knew didn’t want to see him--probably ever again after the death of his wife. His broad shoulders lifted and fell in a deep, but inaudible sigh. Though she seemed to blame him for the death of Muriel, she hadn’t exactly been around to protect her either. The two of them had been born to fight and defend, while Muriel had been more of a feminine figure who enjoyed art and beauty in life. And although Zareen hadn’t yet been part of Teronna’s military at the time, she could have at least been capable enough to help defend Muriel if she had been with her too.

Rowan noticed the displeased expression on Zareen’s features, and he wondered if his own mirrored hers, despite how hard he tried to keep his features unmoving and expressionless. “Well, isn’t this my lucky day…” The sarcasm in her voice was so thick, it could suffocate someone. Yes, they were both lucky, weren’t they? He lifted a hand and rubbed at his temple as he closed his eyes out of frustration. This wasn’t some dream, right? If he opened his eyes, she would be gone, and he’d take Conall instead if he was standing there, over her. What would the worse outcome of the day be? Something told him, he’d break somehow, if Zareen were involved.

He remained planted where he was, not daring to advance any closer to her. She had a knife, and he was certain she would use it on him without a care. Maybe he deserved it. Rowan saw that pain, betrayal, and distrust in Zareen’s eyes and it wrung his heart tightly in his chest. Yes--if he had been around, Muriel would still be alive. She would have her best friend back, and he would still have his wife and sister.

He sighed heavily, letting his gaze drop to the ground as he unnoticeably shook his head. Her words caused him to look back up, his own jaw clenching out of something that he wasn’t sure whether it was anger, guilt, or frustration. No--this was his punishment. His green eyes narrowed and he finally moved closer towards her, stopping several feet from her, far enough to remain out of her reach, and he glared at her, his jaw still clenched harshly. “Yeah--it had to be me,” he answered with a low, gruff scowl. “Out of all the damn rangers in Teronna. Let’s go.” He gestured, holding his arm out to indicate for her to move on. They had work to do and he wasn’t going to waste any time standing around commenting about the odds that they’d end up together.

Rowan didn’t wait to see if she heeded his suggestion, because he had already turned away from her and begun walking through the forest clearing, his eyes scanning around to try and make a determination of where to begin. If he lost Zareena at some point in the day, it would probably be better off. He at least knew she wouldn’t mind either, nor would she go telling someone that he had left her behind-- as Conall would have.

They didn’t need to talk. And that was Rowan’s plan. He could do his job and work with her, but they didn’t need to talk. He couldn’t. The past was in the past and there was nothing he could do about it now. But talking with her-- or hell, maybe even just being around her, would open up those wounds again and he would break all over again.

He turned and looked over his shoulder, mostly to see if she was following behind him, or still standing there in protest. “It’s not like I wanted this either,” he told her with slight exasperation in his voice. “It is what it is, but we have work to do now-- We can go out separate ways again when the day is over. You can tell the commander I was unbearable and not to ever pair you with me again. I don’t even care ‘the hell you do.”

Yeah--no, talking wouldn’t go over well. He turned away from her again and continued down the path, deciding not to wait for her, or slow down for her. She would need to keep up with him.

[Zareen Sethos]

Zareen wanted to be a professional about this. She should be, but the moment she looked at him, the harder this all became. Especially because of where they currently stood- in a place that had been an innocent playground was now tainted in blood for so many reasons. It felt dark and cold, and it made her feel empty, devoid of the emotions she once held as a child.

Sometimes, she missed those days, but nothing would ever be that wonderful or carefree again.

Her upper lip twitched, about ready to snarl in her displeasure for his abrupt order. In the ranks, he was her superior- she was not unaware of that- but her pride and past were making it awfully difficult for her to concede. Still, they had a job to do, and the sooner they did it, the sooner they could part ways. Or maybe she would just take her own path, leave him to his own devices. That might be the best bet for the both of them instead of having to endure...this.

She hesitated for a moment before he dared to speak again, looking to her from over his shoulder as he marched forward. He was met with the same glare, and she was pressing her tongue to the back of her teeth to keep herself from spitting venom at him in return. "Good." That was all she said, forcing herself to be somewhat compliant. After another second, she began to follow; adjusting her bow to rest upon her right shoulder for easier access should it be needed.

Fortunately, it was a lovely morning, so she could at the very least enjoy that. Every now and then, though, her dark gaze would drift back over to Rowan, managing to keep any comments to herself despite how many times she wanted to just unleash all of that hatred. It was still there, deep down within her chest, suppressed after so many years. Maybe a part of her worried she would just snap if she continued to hold it in.

Zee was quiet for that first hour, remaining close enough to keep him in her sights because, logically, staying as a pair was safer. They didn't know where these Mystics were hiding and could quickly become outnumbered. But the sound of rushing water stilled her immediately. They found themselves coming upon the river, and Zareen paused a few feet from the edge.

She didn't like water. If he recalled, she was actually afraid of it, but of course she was struggling to keep her composure simply because she wasn't about to let herself appear weak right now. There was a stone path across it, but she was still very unsure. "We can find a way around, yes?" It had meant to be a question, but came out as more of a snarky suggestion while she tried to swallow the bit of fear that was slowly creeping up. It would take hours to find a section that wasn't as violent, but she didn't want to think about that right now.

[Rowan DeGraff]

Rowan had gotten quite good at suppressing his emotions, burying them deep down to the point where he seemed almost unfeeling, maybe even inhuman. He had to. Muriel’s death had extinguished that flame within him that once made him a kind, light-hearted, and warm human being. He lost a part of himself. She had been his life ever since he had met her as a child. Somehow, he had known she would always be the one for him. When he lost her, he disappeared for a long while--cutting himself off from the world, his family, and even himself. No one needed to see him that way--especially not after they were reeling from the loss of Cara, too. He had felt awful for not being there for the rest of his family, but it had all been too much for him to handle. He didn’t want the comforting. He didn’t deserve any of it. It had been all of his fault.

When Rowan returned--he was never quite the same man he once was, and he had been thankful that his family was accepting of that and never gave him a hard time. He tried his best to be as supportive and caring to those in his family, and his close friends. To anyone else--he was a shell of a man living each day for whatever it was.

He could be professional. He was a Captain of the Rangers division, and responsible to uphold his duties and being a strong leader to any and all soldiers--including Zareen. He had to be professional, and he needed to, once again, suppress his feelings and turn off whatever emotions lingered back there.

Thankfully, Zareen was silent for that first hour. Rowan was grateful for at least that. It was easier for him to focus on what he needed to, and to be alert should anything come up. He never bothered to look behind him to see if she followed along with him. He could hear her footsteps behind him. And he could have sworn that he could feel her eyes burning a hole through his back.

Despite how hard he tried to stifle his thoughts and emotions, they continuously crept their way back into the front of his mind. He kept thinking of all the things he wanted to say to Zareen. To tell her how he felt. That he felt just as guilty and responsible as she blamed him. There was no need for her to blame him, though--he already did that enough himself. He wanted to apologize--to tell her if he could go back, he would have died trying to save her. It should have been him caught in that burning building.

The sound of Zareen’s footsteps stopped, and it had finally caused him to turn to find her. He saw the expression on her face, despite how hard she tried to hide it. One of his eyebrows rose and he glanced around, finally realizing and remembering that she was afraid of water. Still? The corners of his lips twitched in a barely visible smirk and he shook his head as he turned back to look at the river, assessing the situation they were suddenly in. The river spanned a long distance through the forest, and although it would force them to cover more ground, which meant more of the area would be scouted, there were already other Rangers that would be roaming through those parts of the forest. He looked in the other direction, the stream went past the line of sight, and he knew the same would go for that end of the river as well.

"We can find a way around, yes?" He heard her ask--or, rather suggest with her snarky tone. Rowan sighed, placing his hands on his hips as he tried to think of something, knowing (or remembering) well enough that Zareen would either take forever to cross over the stone path, or it would take him forever to convince her to. They couldn’t go around--it would take far too long, and they had a lot more grounds to cover in the allotted time. He remained silent a moment longer as he thought and came to the realization that there was no other way. “No,” he stated simply, his tone lacking any sort of sympathy or empathy.

He turned and quickly moved towards her, lifting her off the ground effortlessly, and threw her over his shoulder, holding tightly onto her legs to keep her secure, knowing very well she would fight him as much as she physically could. Without a word, he walked towards the edge of the river and carried her across it, careful of his footing and making sure not to drop her.

When they reached the other end, he set her back down, “There. There’s your way around.” He turned away from her and continued walking without another word.

[Zareen Sethos]

Perhaps the old Zareen would have understood him- the girl that never imagined her life without him or Muriel because they had been the family she had so desperately needed. Her father had never been very kind. Armon hadn't been a physically violent man, but he had made it very clear on many an occasion that he found her useless. He had desired a boy- strong and perfect- and her mother had only been able to provide her. Even now, her father didn't know just how capable his daughter was, that she was just as good as any man.

For awhile, she had wanted to return to him, to prove it to him...but deep down, she knew he would not care. Let him wither away in his old age, and maybe on his deathbed he'll understand what he truly had.

She had been hardened by that from the very start, but the final nail had been losing Muriel. A part of her had briefly felt that she should have been at Rowan's side, to grieve with him, to give him support, yet she couldn't seem to get past that anger. He was Muriel's husband. He made a vow to protect her, no matter the cost, and he was constantly off doing the kingdom's bidding or whatever the reasons were. She was so blinded by this, unable to see anything else, and she might never see it clearly.

But when she saw the raging river, she wanted to shrivel up. Her mother had died somewhere in those waters, Zareen herself had nearly drowned on a few occasions because she became too paralyzed to swim. Sometimes calm pools didn't frighten her, but it was clear that this childhood fear was still haunting her because it was just a reminder of yet another person she had lost that she loved so dearly.

'No.' For some reason, that one word felt like a weight tied around her ankles right before she was about to be tossed in.

Zee was struggling to find words, to find a logical idea to reply with as he was moving towards her. She was so sidetracked that she hadn't realized it at first, not until he was right there, hauling her up and over his shoulder like she was a bit of nothing. The shriek that escape her throat then echoed throughout the woods and could have frightened half the wildlife away.

"What're you-! No! Rowan, you- no!" Naturally, she was kicking furiously, her voice laced with anger and terror all at once. She was indeed fighting him, trying to free herself until he took that first step across the river. Then, she was suddenly frozen. It was far more daunting as she practically hung upside down, and her heart was instantly in her throat. Now, she was clinging to him, those wiry fingers curling into the back of his coat. If she had been able to wrap herself around him completely, choking and cutting off his air supply in the process, she would have.

She was only able to breathe when she felt her feet planted firmly back on the ground. Zareen immediately fell against the closest tree, feeling her heart thunderously pounding against her chest. It took her a moment to calm down, but she recovered a little faster than normal because it was his turn to be snarky while he walked away.

Nuh uh.

Swiftly, she sought for a stone, picking it up and testing its weight within her palm before she chucked it at his retreating back. She was a very good shot, and could have thrown it into his head if she really had wanted to. "Don't ever do that again, you fuckin' ox!" Well, that wasn't the first time she called him that (having done so many times during childhood), and she hadn't meant to now.

[Rowan DeGraff]

Rowan should have done the same for Zareen--go to her and be by her side, to grieve with her and give her his support. Muriel had been his wife, but she had also been Zareen’s friend even before he came into the picture. The three of them had all been close for so many years, and his pain wasn’t any greater than her own. But he had become so lost in his guilt and grief that nothing and no one else mattered. Maybe Zareen wouldn’t have hated him so much if he had been there for her instead of shutting her and everyone out. Despite her blame and anger towards him, he should have given her space and rather than accept her anger, gone back to face it. He was a coward if anything, and he was ashamed and regretted all of it. Especially now as they were both trapped in this little situation.

He expected her to fight him, but he was, and always had been a lot stronger than her. He wrapped his arms tightly around her legs, preventing her from being able to freely kick and thrash her way out of his grasp. If she didn’t want to go falling into the water, then he’d recommend she refrained from fighting him. Even so, Rowan had no intention of dropping her, despite how hard she fought against his grip.

The memories of Zareen’s fear came flooding back to him when he felt her freeze in his arms and cling to him. He remembered the times the three of them had wandered to this very same river, and Zareen broke down, paralyzed in her fear and sorry. He and Muriel had tried everything they could to coax her and they ended up leaving, never crossing over to continue their explorations past that river. They never crossed it. Even the times that Rowan and Muriel had wandered this far together, they never crossed it, just in honor of Zareen’s fear.

Now, as Rowan crossed over it with her slung over his shoulder, he felt this strange feeling that they were crossing into dangerous, unknown territory. He instantly regretted it, feeling that maybe they should have found a different way around. He had gotten so hung up in his anger and frustration, that he stopped caring. How had he allowed himself to become so cold? Or maybe he wanted to prove something to Zareen. She could finally cross that damn bridge if it meant he had to hoist her over his shoulder and carry her over it. He’d help her overcome her fear if he had the opportunity. It had always been Muriel to convince them to go back to avoid the fear altogether.

As he walked away, he felt the stone hit his back and he instantly turned, glaring at her with an expression that said ‘are you kidding me?’ He held his arms out to the side in a gesture that asked her what her problem was. She wanted to throw rocks at him now? He shook his head and started to turn away when she shouted at him. "Don't ever do that again, you fuckin' ox!"

Rowan quickly turned around and stormed towards her, pointing a finger at her as anger spread across his features, seemingly about to lose in his battle to remain calm and unfeeling. “Don’t you call me that!” It struck a nerve with him, if only because it instantly brought him back to those times. He gritted his teeth together, his jaw tightly clenching as he glared at her in anger and hurt. His breath escaped his nose heavily as his chest visibly rose and fell with each heavy breath. He certainly looked more like a bull, about ready to attack.

He lowered his hand, balling it into a fist as it dropped back down at his side. He stared at Zareen for a long moment, saying nothing else. “I’m sure you would rather have Muri here to tell you it was alright...That we could turn away and just go home? Is that it?” Alright, so maybe he was dishing the hurt right back at her. “It’s time to grow up. You shouldn’t have signed up to be a Ranger if you can’t handle the damn elements of nature.” He scoffed and shook his head before he turned away and started walking again, seemingly not caring if she was going to follow him or not. But he soon halted in his steps and turned, facing her again, his brows lowered deeply, the anger still clear upon his face. “You are not the only one who lost her, you know. Or is everything always going to be about you?” If Muriel were here, he knew she would have smacked him hard in Zareen’s defense. He knew that he shouldn’t be saying these things, but--she shouldn’t have thrown a rock at his back or reminded him of their past. He was doing so well with pretending to stifle it all down and ignore her and everything else.

[Zareen Sethos]

Zareen really hadn't meant to call him that. Even if they had avoided each other as much as possible for years now, it had still been second nature. She always used to call him that, although back then it had been more adoring than full of annoyance and hate. She was regretting it the second the words spilled from her mouth, but they were already said and up in the air so she couldn't take them back.

And he had clearly heard them.

She, of course, remembered all the times as kids when they would wander these woods, the many times they wouldn't cross. And every single time, Zee had felt guilty. She felt weak and pathetic, although she never voiced it. She was just proving that her father was right, no matter what she did or made herself think, she couldn't get over the fear. There were times she had imagined her mother standing in those waters, until the current got so strong that it swept her under; her blood painting the stones. This ranger would rather be face to face with a bear than deal with the raging waters.

Her hands were shaking, and she had to ball them into fists so that he wouldn't see, to also maybe help her ignore her shot nerves as well. And then Rowan was laying into her and not holding back, trying to crush her beneath his thumb. 'You shouldn't have signed up to be a ranger if you can't handle the damn elements of nature.' It was like another knife into her chest, and that managed to stun her into complete silence...yet it only gave that anger time to boil and fester more.

He knew better than that. Or, at least, he should have. "Oh, of course-" she began, forcing her voice to not crack as she fought to ignore her shaken nerves. "Because the Almighty Rowan fears nothing at all!" Zareen figured he would just walk away then, and it was probably for the best, but the man was stopping once more to turn around, spewing even more bullshit.

There was a fleeting expression, one of complete shock that crossed her features before it was gone, almost as though she couldn't believe he actually said that. And if he was expecting an argument, he was going to get it.

Even if she was still afraid her knees might buckle beneath her, the river was no longer on her mind now as she stormed a couple steps closer to him. "It was never about me!" she yelled back, and despite the rage in her eyes, her voice finally cracked a little. "It was always about her!" Muriel protected her, perhaps coddled her a little, but there might have been a day that Zareen crossed the river if her friend had asked she try. At the very least, she would have tried. "Then it was the two of you...until nothing."

It wasn't jealousy in her voice, strangely enough. Zee had fully expected things to change when her friends had fallen in love and gotten married. She had embraced it, but it had certainly changed things. And with Muriel gone, there was no more glue, no more voice of reason. There wasn't even Rowan because of her own ridiculous doubts and thoughts, because of his own foolish reasonings as well. Muriel was probably cursing them out from the grave.

There was more she wanted to say, maybe more she should have said, but she couldn't find her voice anymore. If he wanted to knock her down a peg, he had succeeded. "My father would like you now," she finally added, her voice low now, but the words were far from a compliment, as he would know. The way she turned away was almost lazy, suddenly lacking the energy to try and storm off. What was the point? Rowan would leave and she would sit there watching the river, desperately wishing Muriel was there with her. Wishing nothing had changed.

But life always changed. You just had to be willing to adapt.

[Rowan DeGraff]

Rowan rarely allowed his emotions to show anymore, not even to his own family. He wore a mask as if he were fine and he was no longer bothered by anything. In a lot of ways, maybe nothing did bother him anymore. A huge part of him had died along with Muriel and he knew he would never quite be the same ever again. What he had said to Zareen, though, he knew better and he instantly regretted speaking the words. Had he really allowed himself to become so cold and heartless?

Regardless, he had spoken his mind and it was too late to take the words back. Though there was some truth behind what he has said, if anger hadn’t been thrown into the mix, he would have been a bit kinder in his delivery of them. Zareen was an adult now, and with being a ranger, she did need to be able to handle whatever was out in the wilderness. What would the woman do if they were under attack, and the only way to escape was to cross over or through a river? Would she let someone drown if she saw them struggling in the waters? Simply because she was afraid? What Rowan should have done, was coax her, as Muriel often had, or what she would have done now--to talk her through it and tell her he would help her face her fears and finally overcome them so that she could be a better ranger and no longer have this thing holding her back.

"Because the Almighty Rowan fears nothing at all!" He scoffed at her words and shook his head. “Not anymore,” he retorted back at her. The short answer had somewhat of a double meaning. He had thrown whatever fears he had away so that there wasn’t anything to hold him back anymore--just as he felt she should now. He no longer feared the possibility of death and that he would be leaving someone behind. Everything he had once feared losing was now gone. Lost--because he wasn’t there to save her.

And then, he was mentioning Muriel’s death--something he hadn’t spoken of in so long. The very same thing that held the angered tension between him and Zareen now. Green eyes stared at her as he watched that shocked disbelief cross her features. He had started an argument he wasn’t quite sure he wanted to have at this very moment--out in the forest where the Mystics could very well be listening in, or attack them at any moment because their voices would give their presence away.

“No?! It was never about you?” He questioned her, raising his brows, as a doubtful glare lingered in his eyes. Muriel had always defended Zareen, even over the smallest of things. The two friends were inseparable, even as he and Muriel had fallen in love and got married. But Zareen had always been what lingered in his wife’s concerns--she had never wanted to leave her out or make her feel like she didn’t belong, even if it meant she and Rowan forego time alone with one another. While he hardly ever minded, there had been moments where it did put a strain on things between him and Muriel.  The three of them had been their own little family together, because they knew Zareen needed them, and his wife was often reminding him of this, guilting him whenever they had one of their disagreements. Rowan had loved Zareen, too--maybe not in the same as he loved his wife--but he cared deeply for her, vowing to protect both of them with his life--something he had seemingly failed horribly at.

"Then it was the two of you...until nothing." Rowan stared at her, now with disbelief in his own eyes. He could have easily said the same thing to her. His life was fulfilled with having his wife and their closest friend- Zareen. It had always been about the two of them, to him. And when Muriel died--he felt he had lost both of them. Along with his sister. He not only had to mourn the life of one person he loved--but three. Until nothing. There was nothing left. Even now, as Zareen stood there before him--nothing was the same. It never would be. They seemed to be strangers that somehow knew everything about one another.

Rowan couldn’t bring himself to say anything. He stood there, silently staring at her. He knew he had been wrong to abandon her, even though she had blamed and pushed him away--he even understood why she was and didn’t blame her for any of it. Hell, he even agreed with everything she was angry at him for. He had left her with nothing--Their little family had crumbled and Zareen had no one to lean on. He had failed.  He failed both of them. It should have been him in that burning building. Not Muriel. Not Cara. They did not deserve to die. Zareen didn’t deserve to lose everything.

After another moment of silence, Rowan finally let his gaze drop from her, his head falling with it as a look of sorrow and defeat draped over his features.

What he hadn’t expected her to say, were the words that she spoke so low he almost didn’t hear them. He wished he hadn’t. Green eyes shot right back up to her, a look of disbelief overcoming him. Rowan had always hated that man--and she knew it. Once he had gotten old enough, he had wanted so badly to beat the man to his grave and rid of him for Zareen. And now, without directly saying it, she was comparing them to one another.

He didn’t say anything, still, and watched as she turned away. There were so many things that he wanted to say to her at the moment. Things that he wasn’t quite sure how they would sound coming out of his mouth. Cruel and angry. Genuine and sorrowful. Or defeated and lost. Maybe all of those combined. He should have just turned and walk away, then--leaving her there to wallow in her own misery, and he in his.  But he couldn’t seem to move, and he couldn’t find his words.

A deep exhaled sigh escaped his lips and he shook his head, finally looking away from her and down as he lifted a hand to scratch at his brow. “Maybe he would,” he said, sounding somewhat defeated, yet cold and uncaring. Rowan knew that he was not the same man he once was, and maybe he was agreeing with her--he was just a cold-hearted shell of a man who didn’t seem to care about anyone anymore. He slowly shook his head before he looked back at her, “but that doesn’t mean I like him.” Her father? Himself? He meant both.

He huffed a saddened laugh and finally turned away, taking a few steps away before calling back to her. “We need to move before it gets too late to do anything.”

[Zareen Sethos]

Muriel was certainly rolling in her grave, cursing them both out from the heavens. She had been the sweetest woman Zareen had ever known, but when you were wrong, she wasn't afraid to tell you. And she would probably tell them both right now that they were being stupid and ignorant. In ways, they were both wrong, and there was no coming to an understanding with this petty argument.

But that was what happened when you had two stubborn people, and Zee really liked to hold grudges, especially when it came to her emotions. She didn't often show people the softer side of herself because it was a vulnerability. And she hated being vulnerable.

It was too late to take a lot of things back, yet it wasn't too late to change them or improve them. It was just a matter of whether or not either of them would cave, or even care to.

Now, it wasn't just her nerves that left her shaken and down- it had been his words of her unworthiness. She didn't deserve to be a ranger because of this fear she couldn't get over, a fear no one had actually helped her with. Muriel had asked her once if she wanted to try, and that had been it. It had been one time, and she had still been young. Overcoming any kind of fear wasn't always easy for some people. She couldn't ignore this one and move on, or forget everything like Rowan seemed to. He not only lost his wife, but a sister as well- she couldn't understand how he seemed to keep himself together. Maybe that was another reason she resented him.

The doubt in his eyes and the words he threw back at her only further caused that disbelief to wash over her features. "What are you even talking about?" she all but growled back at him, truly not understanding. And it was because she didn't. Rowan had never mentioned it to her, and Muriel certainly hadn't. Oftentimes, Zee felt like the third wheel, telling herself that maybe it was okay since she had been asked to tag along. She never wanted to force herself on them, never wanting to be a burden. They had been married- she understood...and now she was unknowingly being blamed for it. If Rowan had taken that moment to explain himself, she would have denied it, maybe even reassured him in at least that. However, he hadn't, so they were just continuing to spiral down this dark rabbit hole.

Not for long, though, because she was already beginning to double back, searching for a safer section of the river to try and cross. She was only half aware of that sorrowful look he allowed to show, because she was too busy trying to dig herself out of her own self loathing. Over the waters, she almost hadn't heard him, but she didn't even spare him a glance, simply huffing out a short, sarcastic laugh. Rowan didn't have to like the man to agree with him, and it was clear he did.

What was she even doing? One thing- although small to some- was something paralyzingly big for her. It was a genuine fear that held her back. Even still, there was no saying what she would do if there was danger, if she had to brave the waters for another. Such circumstances never arose, so it perhaps wasn't fair for him to be so blatantly cruel.

Regardless, she was letting it eat away at her. And she believed him, because she had trusted him so much once before. She could act like she hated him now all she wanted, but his word still seemed to mean something.

His sad laugh made her pause briefly, turning just enough to catch him in her peripheral but she couldn't bring herself to look at him. If she was as angry as she had been moments before, then she would have been shooting daggers at him. Now, she was shrinking in pathetic pity. "Just go," she told him, her voice strangely steady despite the rapid beating of her heart. "I'm not going to slow you down anymore." Maybe, as the seconds passed, her mind began to clear, starting to understand what he had meant before about it always, supposedly, being about her. She was just in his way again.

[Rowan DeGraff]

Muriel often teased both of them and their stubbornness. Even though they typically always got along, it was always he and Zareen who butted heads with one another. His wife had always been the peacekeeper and kept them in line. If one of them started to get to be too much, she was never afraid of putting one of them in their place and diffusing the situation at hand. Without her here, Rowan and Zareen had fallen away from one another. While they both could have been there to console one another, the loss of Muriel had released all the glue that had once held them together. She would be horribly disappointed in both of them right now, and that was perhaps what made Rowan feel guilty now.

He realized that she would not know what he had meant. He and Muriel never told her and tried not to make her feel like a third wheel. Rowan knew that it was important to his wife that they ensure Zareen remained important in their lives, and he respected her wishes and agreed with her wholeheartedly. It was why neither of them had ever spoken or complained about it because they were family--it was the way it had always been, and their marriage wouldn’t end that. Apparently, Muriel’s death would, however.

Rowan shook his head, deciding not to answer her question. It had always been about her-- but he had already caused enough damage between them in the matter of what was probably just a half hour.
That didn’t seem to matter much anyway, because Zareen was already turning away and looked as though she was thinking of crossing the river on her own. Was that to try and prove him wrong--to prove something? He sighed heavily and rolled his eyes, but stood there watching her, somewhat curious if she would actually do it.

But it was getting later in the afternoon, and they did need to press forward. He had turned away and began walking whether she’d follow him or not. But when she spoke, Rowan stopped in his tracks and turned to look back at her.

“Just go, I’m not going to slow you down anymore.” His eyes rolled upward as he tilted his head back and looked up through the canopy of trees. Despite this circle, they continued to go in, and whatever resentment, frustration, and anger lingered between them, Rowan wasn’t going to leave her alone--especially not near the river. If she became paralyzed and drowned in there trying to be brave, it would be one more death he’d have to blame himself for, and though it might not seem so, he still cared about her and didn’t wish for anything bad to happen to her.

He let out a heavy sigh and returned his gaze to her. “Stop it, Zee.” His voice was gruff but wasn’t as cold and distant as it had been before. “I’m not leaving you here…So you can stop whatever this is…” He gestured towards her and the river, waving his hand around as if he knew she was falling into that self-pity and trying to prove something. “...And continue to do your job.” Rowan didn’t move towards her and remained standing where he was, setting his hands on his hips. “You don’t have to talk to me, but we need to stay together and move on.”

Though he meant at the moment--moving on to continue in their scouting, there was a slight insinuation in his tone that the two of them needed to move past all of this anger and move on. And maybe he did mean both.

[Zareen Sethos]

Zareen had felt so lost without Muriel. And then on top of it all, she had lost Rowan as well. Everything had immediately fallen apart when the woman died, and perhaps the bloody DeGraff wasn't the only one to blame for it. She had let herself fall into that dark hole of mourning, blaming him for everything she possibly could have. And the idiot took it, he barely fought back to help her realize she'd been wrong. She hadn't been there for him and neither had he been there for her. They indeed lost the glue that kept them together because Muriel was everything. If you asked Zee- it had always been about their late friend. Everything.

So no, she didn't know what he meant by that, only getting the feeling that he blamed her in some way for it. And again, he decided to keep it to himself so that mess would likely never get resolved. Not that it appeared as though she was willing to stand around and listen anyway.

That pity was taking over, and she didn't want it to. Not here, not now, not wanting him to even give her any kind of sympathy. She was fighting with it, but his words had stung...because they were exactly what her father would tell her. Otherwise, she most likely would have been screaming at him still, calling him a "fucking ox" and all. Regardless, she meant what she said, for him to leave her behind. She was capable of finding her way back home at the very least.

'...And continue to do your job.' That elicited a sudden laugh from her, but it was dripping with sarcasm. "Right, the job I'm doing so well. Care to remind me of that again?" Being snarky was her only defense now, because she didn't know what else to say or even do. This all suddenly felt so pointless to her- being out here, doing what she thought she loved, what she thought she was good at despite that one fear. Zareen was capable of a lot, she was made of stronger stuff than how he made her feel in that moment, and yet, because it was him, she was letting herself crumble.

Rowan had never been like her father. Ever. And it was perhaps why she was struggling with his comment now.

"But I want to talk!" she blurted out without thought, sounding a bit too helpless for her liking. So, she was quick to tack on, "You bloody idiot. Now that I'm forced to stand here with you, how am I supposed to just...forget everything, huh?" Of course she missed him, but there seemed to be a million reasons as to why she wasn't "supposed to".

That didn't seem to make her feel any less stupid. And, at the same time, standing around here in the woods wasn't exactly ideal either.

[Rowan DeGraff]

Rowan knew he had said the wrong things. He had struck several nerves with her, just as she had with him. Though he couldn’t seem to fault her for any of it, and he hated himself for the nerves he had struck--especially since she had compared him to her father. It hurt, and he wondered if he had really allowed himself to become so cruel and heartless that Zareen’s comparison was actually right. Still--Rowan had shown no indication of how badly her words had stung him. He felt that he deserved whatever was thrown his way. He had failed everyone he loved and cared for, and if he couldn’t forgive himself for that, how could anyone else?

One of those things he had said, was suddenly being thrown back at him with Zareen’s snarky retort. "Right, the job I'm doing so well. Care to remind me of that again?" Rowan let out an exasperated growl, throwing his hands in the air before he turned around and walked a few steps away as if to show he gave up. What he had said, had been a reaction out of anger and frustration, he had never meant that he didn’t think she could do her job--but more that he was surprised she still hadn’t overcome her fears, especially now that she had become a ranger. Had they not parted ways, Rowan would have pushed her to overcome her fears, and the fact that he hadn’t, was what bothered him the most. He had a horrible way of getting that point across--and it would be pointless to even try now.

He couldn’t argue against what he had said, not because he meant what he said, but because he knew how it sounded and how she had taken it, and no matter what he wouldn’t be able to change his words or how he had said them.

Rowan was about to respond (with what, he was unsure of) but she was already blurting out that she wanted to talk, despite his suggestion that she didn’t need to... "You bloody idiot. Now that I'm forced to stand here with you, how am I supposed to just...forget everything, huh?"

His thick brows lowered and he turned his gaze back to her, questioningly. He stared at her for a moment before moving back towards her in an obvious display of frustration. “Who said a damn thing about forgetting everything? What is there to even talk about?” Just because Rowan was quiet and rarely talked about the death of his wife, didn’t mean he forgot any of it. Every Day, he thought of her, of her life and her death. He thought of Zareen and wondered how she was doing. He missed both of them. Rowan didn’t forget anything.

He looked at her with a stern expression before leaning back and holding his arms out in an inviting fashion, a sarcastic smirk twitching at the corners of his lips. “But if you want to talk...and have things to say--then just bloody damn well say them. I’m just a bloody idiot and fucking ox, I can take it, right?” Rowan shook his head and took a step back and began unfastening the belt that held his sword and several knives around his waist. “So let me have it…” He tossed the belt to the ground before removing several other bulky items off of his person, tossing them into a pile before he sat down against a tree, folding his arms back behind his head and crossing one leg over the other. “I have all day now.  So let's talk.”

[Zareen Sethos]

They had always been this way, but back then, it had mostly been teasing. They would throw jabs at each other just to toughen their skin, but now? Now, it hurt, and it was painful. And she felt like he meant every word he said this time. Perhaps she deserved it. Her father seemed to think so.

When it seemed like he was finally going to listen and leave, she turned to lean against the nearest tree until her sudden, unexpected outburst. Zareen couldn't believe that she had said it- did she want to talk? For so long, she thought that she would want to see him again, even if it would be brief, and they could talk like they once had before about everything and anything, it wouldn't matter.

She had been naïve. Maybe she still was.

'What is there to even talk about?'

It was her turn to stare at him now, looking as though she had heard him incorrectly, like he had said the most dumbest thing imaginable. Well, in a way, he had. Then, he was just making it worse with his own snarky comments, daring her to talk. And why should she now? Why should she bare her soul, share her feelings on how upset she still was, and that for a moment, she thought she actually missed him?

With every second it took him to remove his weapons, so nonchalantly moving to take a seat at the foot of that tree, her anger began to rise. The fucking audacity of this man! In a way, she hardly even recognized him, and she wanted to smack that sarcastic smirk right off of his face.

If he continued with this charade, she might just  try to.

"How about what happened?" she began. Her voice was low, but it was still angry and stern. "How about the pain I know you felt and still feel? Do I have to mention mine as well?" With each moment that passed, her aggravation grew, and she could already feel like like her anger was about to spiral out of control.

"You just...disappeared, Rowan!" Zareen yelled at him, exasperated. What surprised her was the sting of tears she felt in her eyes but he wouldn't be able to see. "You still had your family, but I had no one. You just left me alone, didn't even fight me on everything I said. You just gave up." You gave up on me, she nearly added. She heard her voice crack just a little bit at the end, but she was still holding her chin high.