Soleil
35
Single
Warden, Ranger Captain
Tier 2 Character
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Post by Rowan DeGraff on Oct 1, 2021 0:13:57 GMT -5
Rowan had never been one to really talk through his thoughts and feelings--even with Muriel. He was actually quite bad at expressing those sorts of things and he knew Zareen had to know that about him. So as she stared at him like that--as if he had just said something dumb, his brows lowered over his narrowed eyes. Maybe it was dumb of him to ask her what there was to talk about, but did she honestly think he would open up and spill everything to her? When had he ever done that?
Still--he knew Zareen enough to know that she very easily could speak her mind and express her thoughts and feelings. She and Muriel had always been good at that and were constantly picking on him for his inability. He had always been a good listener though, and despite his sarcastic and nonchalant actions, he would sit there and listen to whatever it was Zareen wanted to talk about.
"How about what happened? ... How about the pain I know you felt and still feel? Do I have to mention mine as well?" Rowan stared up at her, watching that anger and frustration escape her. For a moment, his expression changed to one of confusion. Did she really wish to talk about what had happened? They both already knew what had happened--what was the point of bringing it back up and reliving that memory? Despite how badly he wanted to deny that he felt pain still, if only to prove her assumptions wrong, he couldn’t. Every day, he relived what had happened, blamed himself, and wallowed in that pain that nearly suffocated him when he tried to fall asleep.
It was obvious that Zareen still hurt-- not just from the pain of losing her best friend, but also because of him. Rowan sat there quietly, watching her as she went off on him. Once the silence filled the air again, he finally looked away from her and down at his hands that were resting in his lap.
He really had only thought of himself back then. But he hadn’t known how to cope with any of it. He hadn’t been the only one to have lost someone that day. He had felt he shouldn’t have been around to console others for their pain when he could have stopped it. It was his fault his parents lost their daughter. His siblings lost their sister. Zareen lost her best friend. And he certainly didn’t deserve to be consoled by others for his own loss. He needed to grieve on his own.
“Because everything you said was true!” He threw his hands up and then allowed them to fall back into his lap as he looked at her. “So why in the hell would I have fought you on any of it?” He glared at her and shrugged his shoulders. “It was my fault you lost your best friend... It was my fault my family lost Cara.” He sighed and shook his head. “So why would any of you have wanted me around then? It would have just been a constant reminder of how much I've failed all of you.” His last words were mumbled low, though loud enough that she would have been able to hear.
After a small moment of silence, Rowan spoke up again. “And you didn’t have no one. You know damn well my family would have been there for you, too…. They would have taken you in, in a heartbeat!” He threw back at her. “You shut everyone else out just as much as I had...So don’t give me that bullshit.”
Was this what Zareen wanted? Was this what she wanted to talk about?
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