Don't Complicate it by Letting the Past Dictate

[Nathaniel Starke]

He had watched Alice walk away from him as they parted ways that morning, and he found himself wondering if he really would ever see her again, despite her agreeing to see him the next day. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust her to keep her word so much, but more of his own doubts--he had never been lucky in his entire life, and to have let someone into his life as he was now, it just seemed completely surreal to him. He didn’t deserve it and he wouldn’t hold it against her if she did decide to part ways and avoid him. Or perhaps he should do just that--Alice deserved someone better than him, anyway. He had warned Alice that he tended to push everyone away from him, but this time, it would be for her sake.

The rest of the day, he had spent in a deep fog of thoughts that consumed him--mostly of her, their conversation, the heated passion that took control over them, the way he felt drawn to her and without wanting to, how he was so quickly growing feelings for her.

Of course, Robert had chimed in at some point, noticing how absent-minded Nathaniel was, and only assuming it had something to do with the fact of Alice’s visit and that she hadn’t left until morning. He teased him, throwing it back in Nathaniel’s face that he hadn’t expected anything to come of it, but he seemingly ‘couldn’t stop thinking about her’. Eventually, Nathaniel dismissed him with a letter to deliver to the castle, addressed to Alice. Even though he would see her the following day, he wanted to send her word and give her, not only some sort of heads up on how to prepare herself for their date, but to also give her a sense of assurance that he wasn’t pushing her away just yet. It was something Robert had said to him that convinced him that he should try a bit more than he ever had. ‘Fate has a strange way of surprising the most jaded amongst us. Sometimes, whether you want it or not, someone comes into your life by surprise, steals your heart, and changes your life forever.’ The old man was right.

The letter would be delivered to Alice, sealed in an envelope with a silver wax seal, the letter S embossed into it. A single stem of a yellow flower had been sealed beneath the wax. He remembered she told him her favorite color was yellow.

Alice,

Fate has a strange way of surprising the most jaded amongst us…

Despite both of our reservations--I think that perhaps we should figure out a way to trust that--whatever it is we are both feeling for one another, you fell on your face in front of me, for a reason.

Fate has thrown us together for reasons we might never be able to explain or understand.

I will try if you will.

I have lived a great deal of my life in an isolated darkness… until you came along and sparked a single flame in me that I never knew existed. Whatever the future brings...You are my light.

Last night we allowed our pasts to dictate, to hold us back, and to horribly complicate things. I propose that tomorrow while we are together, we leave our pasts out and keep it behind us. Instead, we focus only on the moment in each other's company. We will never be able to change what has already happened, so why not put our energy into what we can control?

I will arrive by carriage tomorrow at the hour of three, to pick you up at the front gates of the castle. I have various plans and the first stop will require formal attire. However, you may want to bring some comfortable clothing to change into, and something to keep you warm.

I look forward to spending this time with you. But until then, I can promise you that it will be difficult to keep you out of my mind.

Yours,

Nathaniel

After a long morning and afternoon of preparing everything and trying to get through the nerves that plagued him, he was finally at the front gates of the castle. He stood in front of the door to the carriage, dressed up in one of his finest suits, and anxiously waited for Alice’s arrival. He quietly fidgeted with the bouquet he held, filled with white and yellow flowers, (similar to the one he had sealed to his letter).

If Alice decided to show up, he knew there would be no turning back. Maybe there never would be now. She had already captured him. A strong part of him didn't want to go back.

[Alice Calder]

She was entirely too nervous. Her entire body buzzed with anxiety and doubt, her mind a loud, jumbled mess. While she was calm on the outside, still and sure in her movements as she carefully and meticulously tied her hair into a neat bun, she felt like she was crumbling to pieces inside. It was an eerie sight, even to herself, to see just how calm she looked in the reflection of the mirror.

Alice had known the letter was coming, so during the barrage that was Ava’s interrogation, she’d asked the Lady to check palace deliveries early. When Nathaniel’s letter did arrive, Ava’s would have been the only other eyes to see it. While Alice would have preferred to fetch the letter herself and have no other eyes lay upon it, she couldn’t bring herself to do it. Part of her feared seeing her name written across the envelope and knowing there was only one person it could have come from. Funny how not being in his presence was all it took for her to remember just how terrified she was of this. Her anxiety never left her, fuel added to the flame by the hundreds of thoughts that filled her mind - each thought encompassed by him. She didn’t want to feel this way.. But she couldn’t stop herself either.

Hesitance had left his letter on her desk for hours after Ava had brought it to her room. She didn’t fear that he’d request to not see her again, no - she feared he would keep his word. By the time Alice did read the letter, she was trying to shove her anxiety and fear away, to no avail. She felt strongly that she did not deserve this. Still, the words he’d written brought her joy, thankful that he had explicitly asked that the past not be part of the night. Perhaps she could go one day in his presence without making things complicated..

She’d chosen a long-sleeve, dark blue gown for the evening, the fabric falling away slightly at the waist and brushing the ground, despite the black heels she wore beneath. It wasn’t too far from her typical attire within the palace, but it was still clear from the fabric of the dress that it wasn’t an everyday gown. She gently pulled down a single curl from atop her head that came to rest just in front of her ear, contrasting against the silver earrings she wore. The simplicity of her makeup - mascara with a lipstick only a few shades darker than her natural lips - would fit even the warmer attire Nathaniel requested she bring. If she couldn’t control her longing heart and fearful mind, she could at least control how she presented herself.

Timed ticked away slowly, allowing her mind to wander in many directions, but almost always returning to the night she’d spent with him. By the time she was to meet him at the gates, her stomach turned uncomfortably and she felt as if her chest may burst. However, the sight of him as she exited the palace seemed to nearly melt it all away, replacing her with a sense of calm that she more than welcomed. She’d nearly paused as soon as her brown eyes found him, her steps slow as she took in the sight before her. To be honest, as romantic as it was, she wasn’t sure how she felt about all of it, but that was quickly put out of mind as she approached, stepping through the gates and offering the best smile she could muster. “You might actually look more hideous than me this time.” She teased with her usual cockiness, hands clasped gently in front of her as she held onto a few pieces of fabric that would be her change of clothes for later in the evening, a pair of boots neatly tucked into the folded clothing.

[Nathaniel Starke]

All of this was so new to him. He'd never gotten this close to anyone before and it scared him at how quickly it had happened. Without warning. Without any control. Alice had, quite literally, fallen into his life and he wasn't entirely sure how to process any of it. How was he supposed to be around her? What was acceptable or not? He didn't know any of these things, and while he could probably ask one of his sisters, he wasn't sure he wanted his family to know he was seeing someone yet.

As time went on, his nerves became worse. His chest tightened, and he felt like he had forgotten how to breathe. Outwardly, he appeared calm, collected, and confident. Inwardly, he felt as if his heart would give out at any moment.

When the gates of the palace opened, his breath caught in his throat. This was really happening, wasn’t it? But for the briefest of a moment, Nathaniel wondered if she were only approaching him to tell him she wasn’t coming with him and that she no longer wished to see him. It would be his luck and what he deserved, he thought. He wasn’t allowed to feel this way--not when his entire life had been nothing but pain and numbness. Alice shouldn’t have to deal with someone like him. But then he noticed the bundle of clothing she held in her arms, and he knew she had gotten his letter and was following his instruction, intending to go along with what he had planned. Somehow, that only made him even more nervous.

His brown eyes met with hers as soon as she got close enough, and his lips pulled up into the slightest smile. Luckily for him, he rarely smiled more than that, so he hoped she wouldn’t suspect or see the nervousness he was feeling. His mind raced with the various thoughts of what he should say to her first, and he honestly had no idea. So when her voice filled the gap between them, that cocky banter that had once been part of their interaction, he felt himself relax a bit more--relieved and thankful for it. His smile grew a little more and he let a breath of a laugh out his nose. “No-- I don’t think that could ever be possible.” He shook his head. “You’re probably the most hideous-looking person I’ve ever met…” He gave her another small smile and stepped closer to her, placing his free hand on her upper arm. He had the slightest scent of sandalwood on him that would be noticeable enough in his closeness to her. After a moment of hesitation, he bent forward, his hand sliding down her arm to take one of her hands, careful to prevent her from dropping her things, and he placed a kiss on her knuckles, holding his lips there for a bit longer than anyone ever would. He wanted to kiss her lips--her face, but they were out in public, outside the castle, and he wished to show her respect and honor.

When he stood straighter, he kept hold of her hand for a moment longer, his eyes finding hers again. “Actually…” He started, pausing briefly. “You are stunningly beautiful,” the seriousness returned to the tone in his voice but was soon followed by that infamous cocky smile of his. “How would a woman with such beauty ever go for a hideous man like me…?” He laughed softly and offered to take the clothing in her arms as he handed her the bouquet of flowers and then offered her his free arm. “Shall we?” After she took his arm, he led her to the carriage, opened the door, and offered his hand to help her step up into it before he followed in after her and sat down in the seat across from her, setting her clothes down on the seat next to him before he knocked on the window behind him to instruct the driver to go.

Once the carriage took off, he leaned forward and reached for one of her hands. His brown eyes stared down at it for a brief moment, looking as if he were nervously trying to find his words now. “I’m…” He hesitated for a moment before he lifted his gaze and looked into her eyes. “I’m happy to see you again.” He smiled slightly. “And I’m assuming you got my letter, then?” Part of him worried that he had sounded too sappy, vulnerable, desperate, or too forward with his words. Would she think of him as a fool? Did she want to read words like that?