There's Something Broken About This, But I Might Be Hoping..

[Lucian deGrey]

There was a lot to think about and Lucian found himself going back and forth on any sort of decision that he tried to make. His life would be taking a drastic turn if he was going to agree. A change that he wasn’t certain he would be ready for so soon and all at once. But a decision needed to be made. Soon.

He hadn’t slept much the night after his conversation with Eleesa and Triston. His mind seemingly didn’t want him to, and rightfully so. And at some point in the restless night, Lucian had come to a decision, and now he just needed to figure out how he would deliver his answer.

The next day, he tried to prepare himself for everything. He found himself delaying the inevitable, buying himself some time as he wandered aimlessly through the streets of North Eldridge city, thinking of his plan, questioning himself if he was making the right decision. Before he realized it, the day had gotten away from him and he knew he could no longer stall, so he made his way back to the castle.

Lucian felt his stomach twisting in knots, his chest was tight and he found it difficult to breathe the closer he got to the inevitable moment he needed to face. His slow steps carried him through the castle halls and he eventually came to the wing he knew Eleesa and her ladies resided in. After asking one of the guards which door belonged to lady Sellar, he stood just outside of it, trying to muster up whatever strength and courage he could to knock on the door. Just knock, Lucian. He raised a hand and lightly knocked.

Deep breaths. He tried to steady and calm himself the moments before the door opened and Anemone appeared. Before she would be able to say anything, he spoke, his words coming out in the single breath he had been holding. “Please forgive me for showing up at your door like this… I know it may not be the most proper or respectful thing of me…” He took a deep breath and cleared his throat nervously before he forced himself to smile, a sheepish look crossing over his features. “...But I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you...And I was hoping…” It was obvious that he was a bit nervous, but he was trying his best not to show it. “...I was wondering if you would be interested in taking a walk with me?” He smiled more genuinely and let out the slightest hint of a laugh. “I’m sorry… Hello.”

[Anemone Sellar]

Anemone had gone about her day completely as usual, unaware that anything had changed. The queen seemed anxious, but then, how could she be anything else? Her husband had died, her fate was in the hands of some strange men who hardly knew her or her children, her lady in waiting was pregnant with her late husband's bastard, oh, and there was a war lurking just around the corner. There was plenty to cause anxiety. It didn't even occur to her that something new might be the matter. In fact, she was in a pleasant mood, humming songs from the Yule ball to herself while she worked on little chores.

That evening, when the queen was off saying goodnight to her children, Anemone was back in her room, brushing out her hair, washing her face, and preparing to go to bed early. She'd been feeling a bit tired--though that might have been because she'd been waking up earlier and earlier to be sick. Her mother had told her once when her sister Ariadne was pregnant, that morning sickness was a sign of a boy. She wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not...a boy might avoid her fate, but to grow up without a father… She sighed and set the brush aside. She was just preparing to undress when there came a knock at the door.

"Coming!" she called in a singsong voice, although she hadn't the faintest idea who would be knocking. Perhaps Ava needed something?

When she opened the door to find Lucian deGrey standing in the hall instead, her surprise was clear, but she immediately beamed at him. “Please forgive me for showing up at your door like this… I know it may not be the most proper or respectful thing of me…” he said, and she shook her head. "Nothing to worry about," she assured him. She probably ought to be more concerned with the propriety of it, but honestly, she was just glad to see him.

As she listened to him, though, she realized that he sounded upset. Had something happened? With his family, perhaps? She hoped it wasn't that he was being deployed somewhere with the army...she'd been hoping to get a little more time before she had to give him up. It had been so nice, having something happy to look forward to...someone to help her forget she was damaged goods.

“...But I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you." Now there he went again, pulling her back to happy. His words sent a flare of warmth through her chest. How sweet...Did he even realize how romantic that was? If she was alone, she might have sighed dreamily over it. He couldn't stop thinking about her either! Perhaps that was why he seemed so nervous?

At his offer of a walk, she was already reaching for her sweater hung near the door, and she moved out into the hall with him as she pulled it on.

"First of all, hello to you, too," she teased, laughing softly. "But yes, I'd love to." She pursed her lips, hesitating for a moment before she decided it was better to have it out now. "Is something bothering you? You seem a bit anxious."

[Lucian deGrey]

Lucian had barely heard Anemone excuse his apology for showing up at her door as he had--unannounced and unexpected. Although he had been thinking of this since leaving Triston and Eleesa that day, without an answer, he hadn’t exactly thought everything through completely. How was he going to bring everything up? Eleesa had said Anemone had no clue of them speaking to him, and if he brought it up, would Anemone think poorly of him if he was only here because of her situation and him being asked, rather than on his own accord? Should he even give her a reason for his visit?

He smiled softly when she agreed to come on a walk with him, and he offered her his arm. But as she questioned him, he lowered his arm and looked at her curiously. Had it been that obvious how nervous he was? His eyebrows furrowed slightly, unsure of how to answer her. He wanted to be honest with her--she deserved honesty. Lucian let out a very small sigh from his nose and gave a brief nod. “Truthfully, I am feeling a bit anxious and nervous…” He hesitated for a moment as he tried to think of his words. “Mostly because I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you.” He let out a nervous laugh. “I have enjoyed the times we have spent together and I guess I just wonder why--” He paused and glanced around the hall before looking back to her. “Perhaps here is not the best place to talk.” He chuckled quietly and offered her his arm again. Once she took it, he moved forward, leading her slowly down the hallway, remaining silent until they reached the end of the hall, where he continued his sentence as if it had never been interrupted.

“I wonder why a woman as sweet and kind as you are...Would ever give someone like me a chance…” His words were spoken, not with a lack of confidence or like he thought poorly of himself, but rather that he thought she deserved more than what he could give her. So he explained a bit further, “I am a soldier, and could be deployed at any given moment in time...I’m quiet and dull and probably not the greatest in conversation… I’m fumbling with my words now, as it is…” He chuckled quietly and shook his head. “I had hoped that you would give me a chance to remain in your life...To spend a lot more time with you...Maybe to even court you…” He inhaled a deep breath, as he tried to steady himself. “But…” Once again, Lucian hesitated, his gaze dropping to the floor for a moment before he spoke again. “And please forgive me if I seem so forward and overly hopeful in assuming that you may want the same things…” He forced a smile, “but I feel like you deserve more than me...You don’t deserve to be left by a soldier who might be sent away for long periods of time… I don’t really wish to do that to you… To make you worry about me.” He sighed, nearly cringing at himself. Was he sounding like a complete fool? Was he coming across as desperate for her affections? Too hopeful in thinking that she had any interest in him or wanting to pursue a relationship with him? Or was he coming across as a heartless man who put his country first before anything else? “I’m sorry-- I am rambling.” He had realized that he had spoken all of that rather quickly, not even allowing her a word in edgewise.

Lucian fell silent, then, as he continued leading her down the halls, allowing her to finally speak if she so wished to. But his confession to her had done little to calm his own nerves.

[Anemone Sellar]

Anemone's slight frown deepened as he admitted that he was in fact anxious--and it was because of her. Had she done something to worry him? She'd tried to make it clear--at least as clear as she could--that she carried more weight than he saw, that she had a secret in her past. And at each turn, he'd reassured her instead of taking the hints to run. She'd thought they were having fun, both of them, not just her. Did he not feel the same? Of course, she'd free him if there was another, or something had come up.

She let him lead her away from her room, away from the others who lived on that hall. She tried to let her gaze rest at her feet, but she kept glancing nervously up at him, waiting for him to continue.

But what he said, was the last thing she would have expected. Her mouth fell open in shock and indignation, heedless of how rude and stupid she may look. She pressed her lips back together as hard as she could as he continued, forcing herself to let him get it all out in the open air. Breathe, Anemone. She took a deep breath through her nose.

He was still leading her down the halls, apparently wandering, but that wouldn't do. She needed to be able to look him in the eye.

They passed a little bay window nook and she saw her chance to pull them out of the main walkway. She tightened her grip on his arm and dragged him to that spot before letting go so she could put her hands on her hips.

"Lucian deGrey, are you insane?" she began, a bit louder and significantly more shrill than she intended. She winced, tipped her head to the side for a moment, then straightened up and began again, a bit more measured now.

"I don't mean to be rude, or maybe I do, but you are the furthest thing from dull! You're kind, and generous, and sensitive, and funny--even when you don't mean to be sometimes--and you've treated me with more kindness and respect than I ever could have hoped. More than I dared to expect ever again. And to even suggest that I'm not interested, or that I'm too good for you? Not to mention, have you seen yourself? I'll remind you--you're handsome, you have a lovely smile, and you're a duke, for goodness sakes, so no mother could argue. But more than that, anyone who wouldn't be willing to wait for however long it took to get you back is--is--just a fool, alright?"

She finally stopped to take a breath but raised a finger to him to show she wasn't finished and he shouldn't interrupt.

"And me? I'm a chatterbox, I'm short, I'm goofy, I have no skills except paper flowers, and on top of it all I'm already ru---" She cut off, all the emotion falling out of her face and her body as she abruptly shut down. Oh. Oh, she shouldn't have let things go this far. It was cruel of her.

She pressed a hand to her mouth as she turned away. Her voice now was faint, almost broken.

"To be honest, Lucian, you're the one who should be running from me. I really...I shouldn't have let you think I was worth it for this long. It was selfish of me. " She took a breath, realizing she was going to cry if she continued. "I'm sorry, I…"

[Lucian deGrey]

Lucian hadn’t expected Anemone to grab hold of his arm and pull him aside. It had caused him to trip over his own feet slightly, but he was able to correct his footing just as they came to a stop and Anemone faced him, asking if he was insane. He couldn’t help but smirk at her question and how shrill it had escaped her. Maybe he was insane, he certainly felt insane right now.

He couldn’t help but look at Anemone admiringly, even as she stood there with her hands on her hips, looking at him as though he were insane. His brown eyes stared into hers as she spoke, countering everything he had just said about himself. Her words were kind and even flattering, but he still struggled to fully believe them. Not because he thought she would lie to him, but more because she hardly knew much about him, save for their few encounters. He was afraid he had painted himself in the wrong light to her, making her believe he was something that he wasn’t. He tried to be a good man--just as all his brothers and his father were, but maybe it was just that--he fell into all of their shadows and felt he could never live up to how great they were.

Now as she spoke of him treating her with more kindness and respect than she had hoped or ever expected to get, it was all making sense to him of why she felt that way. Edward had taken advantage of her and made her feel this way. The thought instantly made his hands ball into fists at his side, but Anemone started to comment on his appearance and the fact he was a Duke, and he couldn’t help but laugh softly at her. She had to know how adorable she really was, didn’t she?

A slight bit of relief washed over him when she indirectly assured him that she would wait for him to get back whenever he needed to leave for the military. Still--he knew he would hate to do it. And he never wanted to be the cause for her worry.

His lips parted to begin to speak, but she raised a finger, indicating she wasn’t done. His lips closed but curled into a small smile as he continued to watch her go on about what he imagined she thought were her own flaws. To him, they were what made her so special and unique. But as she cut herself off, and that light that seemingly surrounded her quickly began to fade and she was reverting into herself, Lucian couldn’t help but frown, taking a step closer to her, wanting to reach out, but she was turning away from him.

His frown deepened and he stood there, awkwardly, glancing at her back as she spoke, telling him he should be running from her… That she shouldn’t have let him think she was worth it? His heart sank and he let his head hang down as he looked at the floor. In all honesty, Lucian wasn’t sure how to handle this. Did he tell her that Eleesa and Triston told him what happened, and what they asked of him? Did he pretend that he had no idea and wait to see if she told him herself? But how would he react to her telling him? No matter what he did, he was caught in a horrible situation with some sort of backlash to deal with.

The apology left her lips and it was enough to cause him to move forward and take hold of her hand, turning her back around to face him. His expression was serious and gentle as he regarded her for a moment before he finally spoke in a low, hushed tone. “No... you are worth it…” He placed both his hands on her cheeks and urged her to look at him. “You are worth it to me.” He knew Anemone felt this way--felt she was being selfish by allowing herself to become involved with him, knowing that she was pregnant and he might not be alright with that when and if he found out. But he did find out. And he wasn’t alright with it--But not in the sense she probably thought.

He leaned closer to her and placed a soft kiss on her lips, lingering there for only a brief moment before he pulled away just enough to whisper in the space between them. “I like that you are a chatterbox...And that you are short...And goofy. You make beautiful paper flowers...but you also light up any room you step into and your smile and laugh are contagious.” He smiled softly and pulled back a bit more so he could look her in the eyes again. “Not to mention, have you seen yourself?” He smirked, his words mimicking her own. “I’ll remind you--you’re beautiful.” Lucian laughed quietly and shook his head, falling silent as he looked at her, trying to determine what he should say next.

“...And if you don’t mind...I very much would like to keep seeing you so that I can try to convince you every day that you are worth it.” He smiled, though there was a twinge of nervousness behind it. “Unless, of course, I am too insane for you.” He smiled a bit more before letting out another laugh and a shake of his head as he gently nudged her.  "But I think you might be the insane one, honestly..."  He playfully joked. But he wondered, despite what had happened to her, how she could ever think or believe she wasn't worth it and didn't deserve to be treated kindly.  

[Anemone Sellar]

Anemone's eyes were filling even before Lucian turned her around, but having him tell her that she was worth it just made her want to cry even more. Her self-hatred and her gratitude and affection for him pushed at her from opposite directions, overwhelming her to the point she was speechless. She just wanted to sit on the floor and cry. How had things gotten so out of hand?

His kiss wrung a gentle sigh from her as she almost melted into him. Her resolve was shuddering under his kindness once again. How could he be so sweet? She laughed softly as he quoted back to her what she'd said, but she bit her lip again just as fast, trying not to just bawl. It just wasn't fair. How could she have done this to both of them? They were both in too deep, and she was about to rip the ground out from under them.

She bit her lip even harder as he continued, wishing she could just spill it, but terrified to shatter whatever was growing between them along with his trust in her. But what he said next...she couldn't ignore it.

"...And if you don’t mind...I very much would like to keep seeing you so that I can try to convince you every day that you are worth it."

She let him make his little joke about her being insane, even smiled weakly, but she just wound up looking horribly sad in spite of his attempt to cheer her. She had to do this. She had no choice, not anymore. Queen Eleesa would just have to forgive her for ruining her own life.

"Lucian, you don't know what you're saying," she argued, her voice thick with barely contained tears. "I've been wanting to tell you this whole time, but the queen made me swear it would be a secret, and I didn't want to--I was so afraid that I'd--that you wouldn't--" She took a deep breath that hitched in the middle, one wrong word away from a sob. "Lucian, I'm pregnant. You don't want to keep seeing me, you can't. You deserve so much better than someone who's already ruined and all the scandal that goes with it." A tear escaped and ran down her cheek, and she hurried to swipe it away with her thumb and forced a smile instead. She didn't want him to worry over her--she would be alright. Somehow...

"I've been so happy spending time with you, I can't even say how happy, but I really shouldn't have done this in the first place. I'm so sorry if I've caused you any pain in all this. I just...I just didn't want to let you go." More tears started to spill as she reached her limit, and she wiped her eyes violently as if she could make it stop by being furious with herself. "It was silly."

[Lucian deGrey]

Lucian stood there, his eyes remaining on her as he watched that sadness take over her. He knew. He knew what was going on through her mind, yet he stood there quietly watching her struggle with the thoughts, he could only imagine, were running through her mind. She had no idea that he knew. And if Eleesa had suggested she’d understand if he no longer wished to be part of Anemone’s life, he could only imagine what she was thinking right now, if she told him herself.

It made him feel horrible and he wasn’t entirely sure what to do or say, and how or even if he should tell her what he had been asked to do. Part of him wanted to hear it from her, but he hadn’t the slightest idea of how to respond. It wouldn’t be a surprise, and if he tried to act like it was, he knew he wouldn’t be able to pull it off. Lucian was a horrible liar and knew it would only make matters worse if he lied to her. But also he didn’t want Anemone to think he was pitying her in any sort of way. He felt horrible for what had happened to her, but he truly wanted to help her out in whatever way he could--even if he didn’t marry her or claim the child as his own.

"Lucian, you don't know what you're saying," He was slightly taken aback by her statement, at first, until he quickly reminded himself that she didn’t know he was being sincere even after already knowing what he did. His lips fell into a deep frown and he wanted to stop her as she struggled to tell him that she was, in fact--pregnant. While she may have expected to see a shocked expression rise upon his features, one did not. He kept his eyes on her, stone-faced, with a hint of sorrow that crept its way in.

“You don't want to keep seeing me, you can't. You deserve so much better than someone who's already ruined and all the scandal that goes with it.” His frown fell deeper before he parted his lips to say something, only before he could, Anemone was speaking again. Admitting to him that he had made her happy. That she didn’t want to let him go. His shoulders lifted and fell as he released an inaudible, yet heavy sigh. It wasn’t until she started to violently wipe at her eyes, did he step closer and carefully take hold of her wrists, pulling her hands from her face. Once he let go, he moved his hands to brush away her tears and he shook his head at her. “You really are insane if you think I am that kind of man, Anemone…” His sentence started out with a light and sarcastic tone as he called her insane, but it quickly fell serious as he finished the statement. His thumbs gently brushed along her cheekbones as he continued to wipe away her tears.

He ducked down slightly to try and capture her gaze and urge her to look at him, keeping his hands on her face. “... But I’m not. And I don’t want you to let me go. You deserve to be happy...and if I can help with that, then I’m not going anywhere.” He forced a small smile and leaned into her, pressing his forehead against hers before he sighed and nervously spoke. “But I have something to tell you, too…”

Lucian pulled back from her and found her eyes again. For a moment, he said nothing as he tried to find his words. But there was no point--no matter how he said it, it would still have the same outcome. “...I already know about you being pregnant. Eleesa told me.” He frowned, sincerely hoping that Anemone would not be angered by this. “And I know--” He paused, hesitating for a moment before his words left him in a whisper, “...what happened.” His fingers moved to brush strands of her hair out of her face. “And I’m so sorry that that happened to you.” He shook his head as he looked down at the floor. “You don’t deserve that… No one does.”

When he looked back at her his eyes wavered between her own as he searched them for any sign of anger or hurt that he may have been causing her now. It was the very last thing he wanted to do. But before he could give her a chance to respond, he was speaking again. “I was nervous to see you because part of me hoped it wasn’t true...But not because I thought you were ruined, that is the farthest from being true, Anemone ...but I hoped it wasn’t true because I hated hearing that this happened to you…And worst of all, from someone of my family. Why would you want to be with anyone associated with him?” He shook his head and looked down at the floor, suddenly feeling horribly ashamed to be related to someone who could be so cruel.

“Anyway…” He sighed before looking back at her. “I have spent the last couple of days wracking my brain over all of this...Thinking of you and how happy you have made me in the moments we’ve spent together. I like you ...and I care for you, Anemone… And I know that we may not know one another very well-- A week from now...a Month… a year… You might come to find out that you can’t stand me, or I’ve bored you half to death.” He smirked and let out a quiet laugh. “...But if you really are this sweet, kind, short, goofy, chatterbox of a woman... that only has the skill to make paper flowers…” He laughed softly, brushing his hand against her cheek. “Then I don’t think I could ever grow to not like you.”

He paused, inhaling deeply. In all honesty, this had probably been the most he had spoken in a long time. He rambled on when he was horribly nervous. And at this very moment, the nervousness was only getting worse. Brown eyes quickly glanced around them briefly before he was shaking his head. “No… This won’t do.” He took hold of her hand and was gently pulling her along with him as he walked down the hall quickly until they came to a door that she would no doubt would recognize and know where it led to. He pushed the door open and pulled her into the room where they had first met and remained dancing partners while everyone else swapped. The room was dimly lit, despite it being empty and currently out of use.

He pulled her further into the room, and once the door shut, he whirled around to face her again. She probably thought he was going crazy or was confused about why they needed to come to this room. So he wasted no time in explaining. “When we met here and then parted ways that night… I had hope that I would get to see you again. At the chase, I was hoping it would be you who would come after me, capture me, and claim your kiss.” He smirked and lifted the hand of hers he still held onto, bringing it to his lips where he pressed a gentle kiss to her knuckles. “And I’ve been lucky enough to have had both of those hopes come true…”

Lucian took her other hand then, and he forced a nervous smile. “But I think I have another hope now.” He paused, searching her eyes for a moment before he continued, “I hope that you will allow me to stay in your life… To be here for you, to care for you...And the baby… But most of all--” He hesitated. This was crazy. They did not know one another. Surely, she would think he truly was insane now. But he knew he needed to do this. To help her, to help prevent the harm, scandal, and shame that would surely come to her if she had to deal with this on her own. Or to prevent her from ending up in a marriage that may cause more harm to her.

“...But most of all, I am hoping you will allow me to be your husband.”

He lowered himself to one knee in front of her, one of his hands released hers so he could reach into the pocket of the vest he wore, where he pulled out a ring he had spent most of the earlier part of his day looking for. He held the ring out to her and gently squeezed her hand. “Lady Anemone Sellar-- Will you marry me?”

[Anemone Sellar]

Anemone sniffled as Lucian took her wrists and moved her hands to her sides, replacing her rough swipes at her face with the gentle brush of his fingers. She just didn't understand. How could he be so kind to her now that he knew? Why wouldn't he just do what was best for him and quit worrying about her?

“You really are insane if you think I am that kind of man, Anemone…”

Anemone shook her head softly, keeping her gaze on the floor. It wasn't that she thought anything bad about him--quite the opposite. She thought the world of him, and more. He deserved the very best that life could give. He ducked down to catch her eye, and reluctantly she watched him as he continued.

"... But I’m not. And I don’t want you to let me go. You deserve to be happy...and if I can help with that, then I’m not going anywhere.”

Every word out of his mouth was more unbelievable than the last. Not going anywhere? But how? Why? Did he really know what he was getting himself into? She was speechless, just watching him with wide eyes as he pulled back, confessing that there was something he needed to say.

"I already know about you being pregnant. Eleesa told me.” [...] “And I know--” He paused, [...] “...what happened.”

Her knees went weak. He knew. He finally knew. He knew she'd been trapped, violated, treated like a plaything for months. She'd been dancing around it all this time, trying to tell him how she'd felt, but she'd never been brave enough to tell the whole story. To know that he already knew… It was a relief. She wasn't angry with him, or with the queen. She just felt… Weak. The tension she'd been using to keep her head up and her spine straight all this time was being smoothed away, and now she didn't know how to hold herself up. She'd been so frightened for so long, she hardly knew how to be anything else. If he wasn't holding onto her, she might have sat down right there on the floor to try and process it all.

He stopped speaking to make sure she was alright for a moment, but she still didn't know how to answer. She was struggling to wrap her head around the whole thing, and before she could formulate any words, he was speaking again. It was as if the two of them had traded places for a moment---he had all the words, and she was trying to figure out how to put hers together. It was almost funny, but she couldn't think about that long enough to laugh. She was listening to every word with all her focus. She'd made him happy! He cared for her!

Was she dreaming? Had she just imagined all this? Because it was certainly too good to be true.

"Lucian…" She began, with no idea where she was going with her sentence.

“No… This won’t do.”

"Huh? What are you--"

Before she could ask for an explanation, he had her by the hand, leading her down the hall and through another door and into the room where they'd danced that first night. The symmetry in it was uncanny--a tragedy turned into something beautiful each time. She watched him with a bewildered smile, just happy with everything he'd already said. She hadn't the faintest idea why he was running them all over creation for this conversation, but she didn't mind as long as it was him. She felt she should argue...but if he was crazy enough to want her around...how could she refuse?

“When we met here and then parted ways that night… I had hope that I would get to see you again. At the chase, I was hoping it would be you who would come after me, capture me, and claim your kiss.”

Anemone giggled softly, remembering that she still hadn't managed to 'steal' a kiss since he always saw it coming. Maybe she would get to keep trying.

“But I think I have another hope now.” He paused, searching her eyes for a moment before he continued, “I hope that you will allow me to stay in your life… To be here for you, to care for you...And the baby… But most of all--” He hesitated.

Anemone felt in that moment he hesitated, time had stopped and hung perfectly still for a moment. She finally understood what he was doing. He was insane, perfectly, beautifully, wonderfully insane. She started to tear up again, but this time for the opposite reason of before. She was so full of happiness she couldn't contain it, it just had to come out somehow--and apparently, that was as tears.

When he freed her hand, she brought it to her mouth, trying to keep herself from squealing out loud in her excitement.

“Lady Anemone Sellar-- Will you marry me?”

Maybe she should have looked at the ring at least a little, but she didn't. She immediately wiggled her other hand free of his so she could throw both arms around his neck as she flung herself to her knees and into his chest.

"Of course I will, Lucian! I don't think anything else in the whole world could make me happier," she hugged him with all her might, then pulled back so she could kiss him on the cheek. "You're absolutely mad as a hatter to want a woman like me, but I wouldn't have it any other way."

[Lucian deGrey]

Lucian had been nervous. For various reasons. He was nervous about the whole situation and what his life would become if Anemone said yes. He was nervous she would think he was insane for asking her when they barely knew one another. Or be angry with him, thinking that he was only doing this to go along with the lie Eleesa had asked him to, in order to save Anemone’s name. And, despite the nervousness of what his life would become, he was afraid she would say no.

He stared at her, noticing the tears in her eyes form again, and he held his breath, his heart beating wildly in his chest. Suddenly, Anemone flung herself at him and he instantly wrapped his arms around her, holding her against his chest. She was accepting his proposal, and happily.

The duke smiled and held her tightly until she pulled back and kissed his cheek. Was he really insane? She was claiming so, and he couldn’t really deny it. Maybe they were both insane. He laughed at her words and shook his head. “Stop that. I am lucky to have a woman like you wanting to marry a man like me.”

He reached for her left hand and carefully slid the ring onto her finger before bringing it to his lips and pressing a soft kiss to the back of her hand. “I will do everything I can to make you happy...and safe...and take care of you… and try to be a good husband to you. And…” He paused for a moment, hesitating as he glanced downward at her stomach. “And a father to your baby… If you will allow me to be?”

Lucian placed one of his hands on her cheek and looked deeply into her eyes, smiling softly. At that moment, he began to think about what their life would be like together. He hoped he could make her happy, and to be able to care and keep her safe….to be a good father. He was sure as hell nervous about it all, but he did his best to hide that from her, instead, replacing his nervousness with confidence, showing her that he was serious in his desire to be in her life. They may not know one another, but Lucian felt that they were similar in a lot of ways and that perhaps they would be good for one another. Even still, he still worried that after a while, Anemone would learn more about him and come to dislike him, wishing she never had married him. Would they always get along this way? He hoped so.

He smiled again before leaning forward and pressing his lips to hers gently at first, until he was kissing her passionately, hopefully being the one to steal a kiss from her this time.

[Anemone Sellar]

Anemone watched with awe as he slid the ring onto her finger. It was lovely, but its meaning was what clenched round her heart and filled her with equal parts terror and elation. She felt like she was standing on a cliff, looking down at the ocean below--the same kind of giddy panic that dropped your stomach out of you but made you feel more alive than you'd ever been before.

“And a father to your baby… If you will allow me to be?”

Anemone just smiled at him and shook her head--she couldn't believe he was still questioning. She'd been infatuated with him the first night. By the end of the 'hunt', she'd been certain her connection with him wasn't just a fleeting impression, she truly admired him. The more time she spent with Lucian, the more she craved, and she truly believed it would always be that way. She just knew.

And, funnily enough, she believed him, that he cared about her. She'd been so busy running from everyone for so long, treating herself poorly, wasting away...but he'd been the one to wake her up. She hadn't expected him to still feel that way, of course, after learning that she wasn't the sweet, pure flower she appeared. Her broken heart and mind simply hadn't been able to imagine it. She'd been limited by the past, blinded to what could be. And yet...she believed him. She trusted him entirely; she couldn't imagine that he'd lie to her about this. If he was sure, if he wanted this, then who was she to argue against the thing she wanted most? She'd have to be utterly mad.

Anemone wasn't surprised by this kiss, so it wasn't stolen, but definitely given with great joy. She sighed contentedly at the soft brush of his lips against hers and leaned into it as he deepened the kiss as well. She could happily stay right here with him forever.

That thought made her laugh, she couldn't help it, and she had to break the kiss to bury her face in his shoulder and giggle helplessly.

"I'm sorry, it's just--I was thinking that I'd like to be with you forever...and that's exactly what we're going to do. I can't think of anything more wonderful."

[Lucian deGrey]

This really was crazy, wasn’t it? He was crazy. She was crazy. This whole thing was crazy. When he had met Anemone that night-- a somber occasion that he least expected to find perhaps the love of his life at, he never imagined he would be standing here in front of her proposing and becoming a husband and father all at once. They both could have gone their separate ways that night, and continued on with their lives, perhaps crossing paths a couple of times at court, but nothing more. But when Anemone caught him at the chase, and their time spent at the Yule Ball, he couldn’t seem to push her out of his mind.

It only got more difficult to try and keep Anemone out of his thoughts, once Eleesa told him about what had happened, and what she was asking him to do. How could he say no? How could he turn her down when someone from his own family had caused this? When someone he cared something for needed his help?

And Lucian couldn’t ignore the feelings he felt when kissing Anemone. It caused a fluttering sensation in his stomach, it took his breath away and made him crave more. Her smile made him only wish he could keep it there, to keep her happy--And he would do all he could to try. They could be happy together, couldn’t they?

He smiled down at her but looked at her curiously as she laughed. But before he could ask her what was so funny, she was burying her face into his shoulder, giggling even more. He chuckled quietly and held her against him, running his fingers down her back as she spoke her thoughts to him.

"I'm sorry, it's just--I was thinking that I'd like to be with you forever...and that's exactly what we're going to do. I can't think of anything more wonderful."

Lucian’s smile grew and he nodded in agreement, kissing the top of her head and pulling back only just enough to look at her and capture her eyes with his. “I can’t think of anything more wonderful, either…” He repeated her sentiment before letting his hand drop down to take hers into his.

He sighed contently and squeezed her hand, clearing his throat nervously. “I...uhh. I suppose we will need to plan and have a ceremony sooner rather than later?” The realization quickly set in, and he began thinking of needing to tell his family, to introduce them to Anemone, and figure out how to answer the questions of why he was jumping into this so quickly. What would mother think and say? At least he had Triston to help him with that. He’d be the only one to know the truth--he respected Anemone enough to keep the truth from his own family, to save the possibility of any rumors (not that he didn’t trust his brothers, but if the wrong person heard--a servant or his mother would surely try and talk him out of it all.
It was a problem for another time--a short time away, but not now. He and Anemone can enjoy this moment for now.

[Anemone Sellar]

Anemone's face went blank. Oh boy. He wasn't wrong about that.

"Um," she began awkwardly, her cheeks flushing red. Why was she embarrassed about that? It wasn't as if he didn't already know why… Maybe it was just the thought of everyone else thinking that the two of them hadn't been able to keep their hands to themselves long enough to make it to the ceremony… This was going to be a whole new kind of insanity. But she wouldn't be facing it alone. It was going to be alright.

"I mean, ah, yes!" She agreed, brightening once more. "Nothing too crazy, I think, mainly us and our families… Oh. Oh, dear. That's actually a lot of people!" His three brothers, her four sisters. Her parents, his mother...did he have living grandparents? Was she going to be making someone a great-grandma? This was so much… She giggled a bit nervously. "Maybe it'll be crazy no matter what we do!"

[Lucian deGrey]

Lucian noticed the blank expression that took over Anemone’s face as he mentioned them needing to plan to marry soon. If the situation didn’t exist, he would have liked to take the time to get to know her, to court her and hope to get her to fall in love with him, perhaps. He would have waited for the perfect moment and surprised her in his proposal rather than this unexpected rush of things. It made him feel guilty and as if he were being careless and impulsive. It wasn’t like him and he knew his family would be surprised by this sudden decision.

He forced a smile as he watched her closely. It wasn’t until she started to ramble, that his smile became more genuine and he laughed in response, nodding. “I think crazy is an understatement. You haven’t really met my brothers yet…” He feigned a wince and shook his head. “I’m kidding--they’re great and they will love you.” He smiled and raised a hand to tuck strands of hair behind her ear.

“I can get my family together for dinner and you can meet them and we can start the craziness.” He inhaled nervously, holding his breath for a moment before releasing it and speaking again, “If you would like.”