Dark Insights || Orin Evans

[Orin Evans]

I am starting anew. My last journal book was thrown in the fires that engulfed the tattered remains of Avalendor. Fires were all we saw for many days after the war. And now, there's silence. Such an awkward, eery haunting sound of silence. I know I am a man of little word, but I hate this kind of silence. No one knows what to say or do anymore, I think.
We have all lost a lot in this war. But I am afraid for my sister. She has remained so strong through all of this, but I feel she might break. With Thais' disappearance (though I cannot bring myself to tell her that I think he is dead), she has changed. That neverending smiling, spirited woman I have grown up with... She is turning into me... A cold, quiet and reserved human being thrown into some sick, twisted darkness. She is much too strong for that and I hate that she is breaking down and allowing it, for the first time in her long difficult life, to get the best of her.

What can I do? I wish I could take back that moment I handed her that necklace Thais wore around his neck. It's a new image that haunts my mind and dreams every night... When I placed it into the palm of her hand, and saw that dispair grow into her eyes. It made me want to take my own life for bringing her such dispair. Why did I do that? Why couldn't I have just buried the damn thing... or something?

Now, she is throwing herself into this arranged marriage, as if she does not care. Funny how this sort of thing was what fueled the war--an arranged marriage that she wanted nothing to do with. I think she seriously believes it's the only thing she can do, and she won't listen to any other suggestions. This is why I feel she is breaking down--it's not like her at all to give in so easily to this sort of thing--after she finally won back her and her people's freedom. I don't understand it.
But I pray to the gods that this man, whomever he is, will not try anything as Aramis did. That he won't try and steal Avalendor from her. That he will treat her fairly.

There is so much on my mind but my mind is running faster than my hand can write.

Another lesson learned: Love. is. dead.