Can We Surrender?

[Triston deGrey]

Triston had spent most of the day going back and forth on the idea of whether he should attend the Yule ball or not. He should not have even attended the chase- it would have prevented a lot of the trouble he was feeling now. How could he have been so stupid and foolish? The relationship he and Eleesa had, had been a decade ago. Surely she no longer had any feelings for him- how could she? A lot had come between them in ten years and he, nor she, were the same person they were back then. Or was that what he hoped for and expected? He knew that he shouldn’t, but he had never let go of her as sad and pathetic as that was. He had shown her his vulnerability.

Yet, hadn’t she as well? She kissed him back. But he had convinced himself she was only doing it because he initiated it- he told her that she had to claim her stupid prize of kissing him since she had caught him. Was she just being nice? Was she just going along with him? Had he pressured her into it? Taken advantage of her situation of becoming recently widowed?

Eleesa had slightly scolded him before leaving- making it clear she was offended that he would think she’d allow him to take advantage of her. It hadn’t been so much that he thought she’d allow him to- but more that he felt that he was. He wouldn’t have kissed her if Edward was still alive. He would not have even allowed himself to get so close to her. All this time, they had only exchanged formal pleasantries and nothing more. Why did he think it was alright once Edward died? It wasn’t. No matter what way you looked at it.

William had told him that he should still make an appearance at the ball. But he hadn’t the slightest idea of what to say or do, or even if he should approach Eleesa. In his mind, he had completely ruined everything and there was no chance of fixing things. Still, maybe he needed to try and explain himself better. Or apologize. Maybe both.

Still, he couldn’t bring himself to go into the ballroom. He was trying to think of what he could say to try and remedy all of this, to try and come up with a reason or excuse- but nothing was coming to him. So he sat on the bottom of the steps of the main staircase, not too far from the ballroom. He was dressed as if he had planned to enter, in a grey suit that was tailored to fit him perfectly. Underneath the suit jacket was a matching vest and he wore a light blueish-grey dress shirt. Next to him on the steps was a bouquet of blue and white flowers- Gardenias (he had remembered that they were once her favorite), and roses.

He rested his elbows on his knees and rested his head down into his hands as he allowed his mind to run rampant with the various thoughts and arguments with himself. He could hear the music playing and it only made him more anxious.

Then, he heard footsteps coming, so he lifted his head from his hands. It was Eleesa. Instantly, his chest tightened on him and he felt his throat close up as panic rose through him. When he caught her gaze, he instantly stood and moved down the steps so he was on the floor and he bowed respectfully. “My Queen..” It was all he could manage to say. But she looked somewhat distressed. Or upset. Disappointed? He took a deep breath and looked at her concerned. “Are you alright?”

[Eleesa Demarais]

Everything was uncertain, and it left the queen uneasy. This shouldn't be something she felt like a stranger to, because her entire marriage to Edward had been nothing but walking on eggshells. She had never been able to independently think for herself, or even be herself. Now that she was free, Eleesa was struggling to remember just who she was.

If she was even anybody now.

Stopping Lord Haystone had been a notch in her belt, at least. It left her feeling slightly better, helped her feel like she might possess just a small amount of power, but it would not last long. The ballroom was beginning to feel suffocating, and she knew she needed to get out of there before she was buried beneath the weight. Eleesa couldn't handle idle conversation and forced smiles, although it was Yule. This holiday without her husband should feel easier, yet somehow it was far from it.

The moment the ballroom door shut behind her, and the noises from within were muffled, she drew in a slow breath. She wouldn't stray far or remain gone for very long while her sons were still inside, but she needed this time for herself. Eleesa was desperate for a moment to try and clear her mind and figure things out, however, it would seem it was going to be another impossibility.

As heels clicked softly upon the marble floor, carrying her past the staircase, she paused with a gentle gasp at noticing someone was there. No, not just anyone- it was Triston, and she realized she had stopped breathing immediately. Those bright eyes went wide while she desperately tried to wash away the panic from her face. "Your Grace..." she greeted him in a quiet voice.

When he asked that inevitable question, she felt her heart seize up; her hands were shaking and she had to curl her fingers into the front of her gown to try and get them to stop before he noticed. Eleesa was searching her mind for an answer, even a lie, and was fumbling. "I do not know."

That was not what she wanted to say. She should have lied.

Although she managed to hold back tears, her chest shook with a sob that she tried to pass as a sigh. There was no covering up her words now, and her chin tilted a little higher as if that would help keep herself together.

It wasn't helping.

Without knowing what else to do or say, she echoed his concerns, "And what of you, Lord deGrey?" Are you just as hurt and confused as I am? Or am I just a bloody, helpless fool?

[Triston deGrey]

He felt his heart sink as she addressed him formally (even though he had done so himself, though he was trying to be respectful to her as his queen). But he tried to hide his feelings and offered her a gentle smile nodding to her in acknowledgment as he stood straight again. He couldn’t help but look her over for a brief moment. She was absolutely stunning in her gown and it only served to make his heartbeat quicken. How could he even begin to think he was worthy enough to ever gain her affections?

Triston allowed his eyes to fall to the floor, not wanting to allow her to see him admiring her for too long. Or maybe he was just trying to hide the nervousness and panic that coursed through his veins at the moment. He took a long deep breath before he returned his gaze to her face as she answered him.

Her answer caused him to frown and his concern became clear upon his features as he looked at her, brows furrowing and he became unsure of what to say. So instead, he just stared at her, as if he might be able to read her mind.

Are you still upset with me? He wanted to ask her. Are you completely lost and confused as I feel right now? But he did not speak those questions. He simply stood there, staring- maybe the look in his eyes would betray and give him away, though- at least a little.

His lips finally parted to ask her what was wrong- it was all he could manage to think of to say. But she was questioning him before the words escaped him and he closed his mouth as he let a sigh escape his nose and he nodded, his lips forming a tight line before he forced a smile. “I am well, thank you.” He turned and looked at the steps he had just been sitting on, wondering if she had seen him sitting here with his head in his hands. He saw the bouquet of flowers still there, and it made him more nervous. “I was just…” He turned back to look at her and rubbed the back of his neck, hesitating with his thoughts and his words.

“...I was just about to find my way into the ballroom.” Or rather, he was trying to talk himself out of it. Part of him wanted to just pretend the chase hadn’t happened- that they could just move past it. But he knew it wouldn’t be so easy to dismiss it. “Are you leaving so soon?” There was a slight hint of disappointment in his eyes as he looked at her. And then he realized he may have made it seem as if he were dismissing her earlier statement of not knowing if she was alright.

Do you want to talk? The question lingered on the tip of his tongue, yet he couldn’t bring himself to speak it out loud. Of course, she didn’t want to talk to him- not after what had happened yesterday. So instead, he sighed. “Actually…” He looked down and let a small, saddened laugh escape his nose before he shook his head and looked back at her, a sheepish smirk playing along his lips. “I was sitting here… Trying to talk myself out of going in there…” He scratched the back of his neck again. “To avoid you, perhaps…” Despite his words being harsh ones, he spoke it in a genuine, honest, and soft tone as if he did not mean them to be harsh. “...But it seems that I won’t be able to escape you this evening…” He breathed another quiet laugh and shook his head, looking at her with an apologetic gaze. “I hope you do not think too badly of me…”

[Eleesa Demarais]

Eleesa was unable to smile. She couldn't hide her distress behind a mask, even if she desperately wanted to. What was the point now? She had come back to Tresteria with her head held as high as she could hold it, refusing to back down from anyone because it was her son who would assume the throne. She forced herself to recall that she was stronger than she thought she was, than she appeared to be...

But then she faltered at the chase. She let her guard down and everything came crumbling down around her. Even Triston viewed her as nothing but Edward's widow. And with that, she lost all hope of ever being herself, of being viewed as a person with intelligence and opinions, with the capabilities to help lead this country.

She was just a woman, after all. The widow of a "great king".

As Triston stood there in silence, watching her, Eleesa was unable to move. In that moment, he wasn't the only one wishing he had the ability to read minds. She was struggling to understand him when she thought she had once known him so well. Of course, that had been years ago- how could she think for one second that things wouldn't have changed? They clearly had. They were both two completely different people now...it was the only explanation. And she was a fool.

Even if she wanted to believe that she saw something there in his eyes. But perhaps it was her own mind playing tricks on her during this very vulnerable time.

When his gaze shifted, her own followed to find the flowers resting there on the steps. A single sob racked her body. Those were gardenias with roses, the same colors as the paper flower crown she wore that Anemone had made for her because they were her favorite. Why? Why did he have them? Were they meant for someone else, and it just so happened to be her exact favorites?

You need to leave before you spiral again.

Eleesa was still looking at the bouquet in confusion when he glanced back, and she could feel his eyes on her. For years she wanted to feel the heaviness of that gaze on her, but right now it was messing with her head and frightening her. Frightening her because she couldn't seem to trust herself and emotions anymore. She was afraid of slipping when the chase had made it very clear that she should not.

Fingers were ringing the front of that skirt, beginning to wrinkle the fabric in her nervousness as her attention drifted from the flowers to the ground beneath her feet. "I...needed air." She couldn't seem to act like she was okay, even for the holiday. Everyone was enjoying themselves, her maids included, so it was just far easier to sneak out for a few minutes.

'Actually...' For some reason, that brought those blues back to his face; some strange hopefulness made her heart pound wildly all of a sudden. Eleesa didn't know what she was expecting to hear, or what she even hoped to hear...but it certainly wasn't what fell from his lips right after.

Her expression immediately changed, and there was a mixture of hurt and confusion on her features, soon followed by anger. "To avoid me...?" Did she sound offended enough? Maybe the evident frown on her lips and the furrow of her brow would help to show that more. She couldn't believe he just said that, and her heart fell straight down to her stomach. It didn't matter the tone in which he spoke them- he still said them. And for a distraught woman, it wasn't exactly the best words to hear.

He kept on talking, and although any other time she would have understood where he was coming from, she couldn't right now. It was just getting worse with each word he spoke, almost like a knife to the chest. "Well-" she breathed, unsure of what to say. Eleesa was desperate for words, attempting to calm her nerves but nothing was working. So, she masked her depression in anger because she didn't know what else to do. "Allow me to leave your presence, my lord, to make it easier for you."

Eleesa couldn't breathe, she could feel her hands shaking as she turned away, beginning to walk in the first direction she faced. She couldn't look past his words to hear his voice, his tone, the soft laughs- she couldn't see or hear any of it. She was suddenly so distraught that she was now enraged, and this gentle queen rarely got that way, even after all those years of emotional abuse.

Yet, something halted her. Before she could get too far, Eleesa stopped to whirl around and face him. "How am I supposed to think of you?" she dared to ask, secretly desperate to know the answer. "I risked...a lot yesterday. And for what? To be turned away and treated like some weak widow. Like I hadn't consciously made the decision to-" Kiss you. Eleesa stopped herself. Her voice was getting too loud and they were too close to the ballroom, so she found herself taking just a couple steps closer so that he could hear her when she practically whispered in her sudden desperation.

"I am not weak." She felt another sob well up in her chest, and she barely got those words out. Eleesa was attempting to prove to herself that she wasn't weak, but she thought she might collapse beneath, not just this situation, but everything around her. "And I am tired of everyone looking at me like I'm this vulnerable woman, as though I need to be picked up from the floor." Perhaps she shouldn't be saying this out in a public corridor, but now that she started, she couldn't stop. "I didn't love him," she spat, her voice holding a venom one might have never suspected from her. "I may have loved him once, out of obligation, but how could I ever truly care for a man like that? Everyone saw it...and no one stopped it. I suffered...and no one stopped it."

Finally, tears began to sting at her eyes but she still fought to stand up straight. "I am done with living in his shadow. I'm tired of him still managing to ruin my life even as he's buried in the ground. So, stop looking at me like that. Like I'm this...fragile, distraught thing. For once, for a brief moment, I had been free...until you took it away, all for that son-of-a-bitch."

Now that she had finally stopped talking, Eleesa stood there in shock, as though she couldn't believe she had uttered a single word of any of that. Not only was it dangerous for her to speak ill of the late king, to almost blatantly express how she would fall straight into this man's arms without question was a different kind of problem. A different kind of danger that she did not wish the Council nor anyone at court to know right now, lest it be used against her.

[Triston deGrey]

Eleesa had moved on with her life. Without him. She married, became queen of Tresteria, had two wonderful children, and lived her life as if he had never once been part of the picture. It was a life that he imagined most women would have wanted for themselves. He had just been born on the wrong side of the royal family. The funny thing was, Triston never once blamed her for any of it. He never thought of a single ill thought against her. It was the way society was, and Edward had been the smarter choice- whether Eleesa wanted it or not.

But none of that changed the fact that he had allowed Eleesa to take his heart along with her. Even after all these years, she still held possession of it, and most likely did not even know she did. No one really knew. Sure, his family knew he had been broken-hearted for a while. He had gone away for a period of time, and when he returned, everyone had just assumed he had gotten over it and moved on. He pretended that he did and no one knew any better. It was just easier to say he had moved on and that he wasn’t bothered by any of it. It saved him from having to think about it, from the conversations he didn’t wish to have, and most likely, the pity or judgment he would receive.

He simply nodded in understanding when she admitted that she needed air. There was no doubt in his mind that the room was stuffy and filled with too much noise. With everything going on currently, he couldn’t even begin to imagine how she was feeling. And while she seemed to be composing herself rather well in front of everyone else- she didn’t seem to hide it from him.

Despite the lighthearted intent of his statement, Eleesa took offense to his words. He could see it clearly written across her face and in the tone of her voice. His smile was quick to fade and he almost inaudibly sighed out of frustration. He seemingly couldn’t say or do anything right around her, it’s like he lost all ability to communicate properly. Or she was taking him too seriously.

"Allow me to leave your presence, my lord, to make it easier for you." His heart sank and he hung his head before shaking it. “No--That’s not--” He didn’t even know how to finish the sentence, because he wasn’t certain how to even explain what he meant. Or if she’d even want to hear what he so desperately wanted to say to her.

Eleesa was walking away from him, for the second time and he quickly lifted his gaze, taking a step forward to follow her, but he halted in his steps. No- Nothing he could say or do would change or fix what had just come out of his mouth. He sighed a breath out his nose before raising a hand to run down his face, feeling defeated. This was just how it was going to be. He needed to finally let go.

"How am I supposed to think of you?" Her voice broke through his thoughts and he lifted his gaze to meet hers. His expression was blank as he listened to her question him and he finally frowned and shook his head. “No, I did not me--” He stopped himself as she continued speaking, but she never finished her thought. She hadn’t consciously made the decision to what? She was raising her voice at him, but he kept his expression blank and his gaze remained on her, watching as she moved closer to him and lowered her voice to just a whisper.

Triston never thought she was weak, and as soon as those words struggled to leave her lips, he shook his head as if trying to tell her that he didn’t think she was. He inhaled a deep breath and was about to say something, but Eleesa was speaking again, admitting her frustrations. He released his breath as a sigh and let his gaze fall to the floor knowing that he was part of the problem. It wasn’t that he thought she was a vulnerable woman, but more that he wanted to respect her and allow her to grieve and get her life in order without needing to worry about him and his feelings for her. She did not deserve to add another thing to her plate. Not to mention he felt horribly dishonorable thinking that he could swoop in the moment Edward was gone. It was not his intention and he had more respect than that.

"I didn't love him," His brown eyes lifted to look back at her, his expression filled somewhat with confusion and surprise. Whether the surprise was from her venomous tone, or over the fact that she did not love her husband, he wasn’t quite certain which surprised him more. Brows furrowed as he regarded her. Everyone saw the spiraling downfall of King Edward. How he became a cold, distant, and heartless man that didn’t treat Eleesa the way she deserved to be treated. But what could any of them do to stop him? Absolutely nothing. Triston sighed and closed his eyes briefly before opening them again and displaying a more softened gaze. What could he have done to stop Edward? What could he have done to stop Eleesa’s suffering? At that moment, he began to allow that guilt to begin eating away at him and he once again, looked down at the floor, defeated. No, he did not deserve Eleesa and he never would.

There she was holding his heart in the palm of her hand….squeezing it tightly. His breath lingered in his throat, causing his chest to burn in desperation for air. He was at a loss for words. But her voice was filling that silence once again, causing him to lift his eyes, only to notice the tears filling in her eyes. He finally released that breath, his shoulders dropping. So, stop looking at me like that. Triston ran a hand down his face out of frustration and closed his eyes.

What he wasn’t expecting were her next words. He had taken away her brief moment of freedom? Triston opened his eyes, narrowing them slightly beneath lowered brows. Was she done digging the hole that he so desperately wanted to crawl into now?

He wanted to walk away, to not speak a word, and just leave. While he felt she was wrong about some things she expressed, he wasn’t sure he could find the words to convince her of such. Her feelings were her own and he couldn’t change or dismiss them as she had every right to feel the way she did. So he stood there, dumbfoundingly staring at her as her words replayed over and over in his mind.

Brown eyes scanned the corridor briefly, mostly to see if anyone else lingered about and could have overheard Eleesa. While he typically would not care, she was the queen and not only had she spoken ill of the king, which was a risk in itself, but if anyone had misinterpreted her words, it could start rumors that neither needed to have started or used against them. Especially not while the council was considering a regent.

Finally, he looked back at her, his eyes searching hers for answers- for something. “I’m sorry,” he quietly muttered, seemingly defeated in whatever fight he had left in him. How could he argue with her?
Just when it seemed like he wouldn’t say anything else, he inhaled deeply and shook his head. “But I never...Not once thought you were weak. You are the strongest woman I know...And the fact that you endured what you have only proves that, majes--” He sighed and shook his head, deciding to drop formalities. “Eleesa…” He stared at her with a strong intensity, his jaw clenching and relaxing as he tried to keep his composure. “I’m sorry that you’ve suffered… Do you even know how many times I wanted to interfere? To stop him? How badly I wanted to steal you and your boys away from him…?” His voice was starting to raise now and he released a hard breath out his nose, trying to reel himself back in and steady himself. He took a step closer to her and placed a gentle hand on her shoulder, lowering his voice. “But that would have potentially gotten me… or you killed, and I couldn’t live with that.. Or maybe that just makes me a damn coward. Though I’ve spent the last ten years in misery because I--” He closed his eyes and shook his head, breathing another sigh before he looked at her with somewhat of a mixed expression filled with hurt, anger, and frustration. “Maybe I should have risked my life, anyway, and I’m sorry that I didn’t. It would have saved both of us, perhaps.”

“Forgive me…” He turned to walk away from her, then. He had said enough and he wasn’t quite sure he could endure any more of this. But he suddenly halted in his steps and turned to face her again. “And forgive me for trying to show you any sort of respect. It had nothing to do with that son-of-a-bitch...and everything to do with you...But you’re so caught up and trapped by your insecurities that he suffocated you in, that you can’t even recognize that!” He narrowed his eyes at her. At that moment, she was no longer a queen- but simply Eleesa, and he threw all pleasantries and formalities out the window.

His heart beat wildly in his chest and his breath was sharp as it escaped him. Was he even making any sense? Probably not. Maybe she would misconstrue his words again and miss all meaning behind what he was trying to say, and simply take offense to it. “Maybe you consciously made the decision to…” He hesitated as she hadn’t finished her statement and it only left him to guess what she would have said, making him worried that he’d misinterpret her. “Let me kiss you,” he spoke the words cautiously. “...But that doesn’t mean I should have… Not in the open like that… Not when you already have enough on your plate to worry about. You don’t need to be dealing with me or my--” pathetic obsession over you? He shook his head. No, he couldn’t admit anything to her. “Neither of us can afford the rumors right now… And I’m not--” He looked down and away from her before muttering his next words, nearly inaudibly. “I’m not worth taking that risk over.” He returned his gaze to her and stared at her for a moment before he took a step away from her. “I apologize for upsetting you- it was never my intent.” He sighed quietly before he bowed to her. “Please excuse me?” This time, he gently asked her permission to take his leave. He had caused enough problems that she did not need this evening.

[Eleesa Demarais]

When had it come to this? When had it become so complicated? Perhaps it always had been, simply because of whatever it had been between them all those years ago. Those fleeting feelings, but ones she felt like she had always clung to. It had been her fear of Edward that forced her to try and forget them, to push them to the back of her mind, and never dwell on them again. Yet, with him gone, she was struggling to do so, despite how dangerous it would still be. Every waking moment, Eleesa felt like she had eyes on her, and ears always listening, which was why she had tried to lower her voice now in the corridor.

No one could have stopped Edward. No one. Not even the Council could control him, although they had certainly tried on many occasions. Those close to their fallen king now knew what had been his ultimate downfall, and Eleesa couldn't share just how relieved she was that he was gone. Never in her life had she wished ill upon anyone...and although she never actually prayed for his death, she knew deep down that she had thought about it. He had treated her like nothing. He had made her feel like nothing. She had feared his behavior would influence their sons and she had been- and still was- so very terrified of that.

And now, after bearing down on Triston and uttering words she never meant to, she felt like her husband had somehow influenced her. She felt sick and even more vulnerable; a hand moving to press against her stomach as though it would help.

'I'm sorry.' She just felt worse.

When he continued to speak, and used her name, she felt her throat tighten. She was unable to look away from him even as the tears began to well up in her eyes more, blurring her vision softly. The touch to her shoulder- practically bare from the neckline of that gown- burned hot, and she didn't know whether to embrace it or flinch away from it.

Eleesa found herself unable to voice a single word while he talked, only able to shake her head a little as he spoke of possibly being a coward, of risking his life for something that would have only brought them all heartache. Her fingers were so tightly curled into her skirts, preventing her from reaching out to him as he had to her, knowing she might not let go if she had. Every fluctuating emotion that was running through him was coursing through her veins as well. And yet, somehow, neither knew the extent of the other's suffering.

Then his touch was gone, and his words were harsh, completely taking her by surprise. It was Eleesa's turn to stare wide-eyed, in pain and in confusion. He was berating her for insecurities, ones that were forced upon her, bred into her throughout the years. Insecurities that many women in Tresteria suffered from and struggled with denying. If she were a cruel woman, she might have slapped him for that...but of course she did not.

'I'm not worth taking that risk over.'

Her heart sank. Deeper than she ever thought it could.

The queen just stood there in silence when he asked to be excused. She should just tell him to leave. She should tell him to forget this entire conversation that seemed to be going around in circles because they were both, unknowingly, hiding most of the truth from each other. They were both being foolish and ignorant. They were both trying to be cautious. It had to end somewhere. Somehow.

"No," she found herself whispering, denying him that out. Then, Eleesa continued to stand there, staring down at her hands as they wrung into the red fabric like it held all the answers. She denied him leave, but now she was struggling to find words.

Just let him go.

"I cannot tell you how many nights I had hoped-" Eleesa began, her voice low and quiet, shaking in her attempt to explain things, anything at this point. "That you were speaking to my father, asking him...for my hand." She was wavering now, knowing deep down she should just stop and leave. This was pointless, because it was too late. It was too late for everything. "So, when he told me I was to be wed to Edward...my heart sank. I had no choice. My opinion and my heart did not matter, despite the fact that I would have married you in an instant. I wanted to. I wanted to bear your children, not his. And I was told I was too young and naïve, that I would grow up and learn to be happy..."

Blue eyes rose to find his face and she could no longer hold the tears back even if the sobs were held at bay. "But I was never happy. Were it not for my sons- my fear of what he would turn them into- I may have ended my life years ago. That is what his so-called love did to me, the insecurities that have been burned into my head." Swallowing the lump in her throat, her hands were shaking now so she turned her back to him, if only to find her composure again and not necessarily to push him away.

"Yesterday, I finally felt like a person, like a woman...and with respect or not, you turned me away." She was trying to get her crying under control, because now she felt ridiculous, and her voice was weak. "But maybe it was my mistake...for thinking that I could pretend for even one moment that ten years hadn't passed. That we aren't, somehow, different people. I should have stayed inside the castle. I should never have put you in that predicament. I just..." Eleesa trailed off, unsure of what she had intended to say next. So instead, she murmured, "I'm sorry."

Drawing in a staggering breath, she barely turned around; only enough to wave him off, indicating that he had her permission to leave.

[Triston deGrey]

Triston had taken a step back from her as he asked to be excused. He had been about to turn, half expecting her to let him go, but her denial only halted him in his steps and curious eyes fell upon her. What more did she want from him? What else could he say to her?  Or her to him?  Did she simply wish to get the last word in, to make him feel worse than he already did? Hadn’t he lived through enough torment? He honestly wasn't sure how much more he would be able to endure.

He sighed and let his head hang for a moment, clearly defeated. But the silence that lingered between them, as she struggled to find her words, caused him to look back at her.  He was beginning to grow slightly impatient. He wanted to ask her what she wanted and why she was keeping him here dangling around her little finger as if to torture him further. But just when he was about to react and say something, Eleesa was finally speaking words that he never expected to hear.

"I cannot tell you how many nights I had hoped-" Hoped for what? For Triston to come to steal her and her boys away? For him to go to her, knowing very well that Edward would never know? Or maybe he was being too hopeful in wanting her next words be about him. Maybe she had just hoped every night for Edward to die. If she had suffered as much as she just admitted to, then that made the most sense of all, and he’d not blame her for her ill will towards the king. He had grown into a monster.  And shouldn't he feel more upset about that as Edward was his cousin?  He had grown to resent the man, nearly forgetting that he was family. 

"That you were speaking to my father, asking him...for my hand." Triston’s expression instantly softened as she admitted this to him. His heart sank and his throat began to tighten as if to strangle him with the pain her words brought him. He stared at her with a bewildered look and he slowly shook his head in disbelief. When she continued to explain how she had become betrothed to Edward, that she had no choice… Triston suddenly became numb, his hearing began to tunnel and there was a ringing in his ears. How cruel and funny life was. He breathed a saddened laugh out his lips as he dropped his gaze to the floor. Honestly, he wasn’t sure if he should just burst out into laughter, or start crying.

“...despite the fact that I would have married you in an instant. I wanted to. I wanted to bear your children, not his.” Triston had wanted to hear her say those words for ten years. Ten long, agonizing years. But now when they finally came, he couldn’t help but feel angered by them. “Stop…” His voice was stern and he finally looked back up at her, pain, anger, and sorrow, all somehow lingered there in his gaze. Was she really placing the blame, for how her life turned out, on him? For not asking her father for her hand in marriage before she had been betrothed to Edward? She really had no idea, did she? And what did it matter anymore? Nothing could be done about it now.

But Eleesa didn’t stop. His brown eyes watched her sadly as hers welled up with tears and they finally began to roll down her face. He wanted to reach out to her, to wrap his arms around her and hold her, yet he couldn’t seem to will himself to move any closer.   Part of him just wanted to walk away from her, despite her denying him his leave. Yet, he didn’t.

Instead, he continued to endure the pain that Eleesa bestowed on him as she admitted to thinking about ending her life and that it had only been her sons who prevented her from doing so. He inhaled deeply and let his gaze fall to the floor, yet again, and he lifted one of his hands to run down his face before pinching the bridge of his nose. The thought of her giving up on herself and her life was enough to cause tears to burn in his eyes, but he fought them back and breathed deep and sharp breaths to try and steady his emotions.

Triston had left Tresteria shortly after Eleesa and Edward had married. He couldn’t bear to live in the same kingdom- to be in the castle while the king paraded around, unknowingly throwing it in his face that he had won and claimed Eleesa for himself. That he was the better man and better choice- that he could give Eleesa everything that he never would be able to. He had just up and left, without explanation to anyone, and he had stayed away for several years before returning. In all honesty, he hoped that going away would cure him and rid him of his feelings- and for a while, he thought it had. He hoped that when he returned, everything would be different and he could focus on moving on. Only, the moment he had laid eyes on Eleesa again- to see her first son by her side and her pregnant with another, his feelings for her instantly washed over him like a tidal wave, drowning him- reminding him how he had failed and lost everything he had ever wanted.

He lifted his gaze as her words lingered in the air again, but he saw Eleesa’s back and it caused him to frown. He let his head hang as he listened to her. He turned her away? Maybe she hadn’t slapped him in the face, but her words certainly did.

"But maybe it was my mistake...for thinking that I could pretend for even one moment that ten years hadn't passed. That we aren't, somehow, different people.” His brows furrowed and he blinked narrowed eyes as he lifted his face to only look at her back again. She was finally dismissing him, but he didn’t move. Instead, he stood there staring at her in disbelief. “But ten years have passed... And we are different people.” He finally spoke, his voice nearly emotionless and cold. He should have just left it at that- to let her think that he had moved on and no longer had feelings for her. To just allow himself to finally move on and give up. But he didn’t. And he was speaking again, taking a step towards her to close some of the distance to try and avoid any other ears from hearing him.

“But my feelings haven’t changed, no matter how damn hard I tried to let you go…How hard I tried convincing myself I couldn’t keep feeling things--” His heart thundered in his chest and he was struggling to breathe properly. “... That could not… Or would never be able to exist…” Triston let a long sigh out his nose and shook his head. “Do you have the faintest idea of how painful it was for me to see you with him? To see you have children with him? To have to pretend I was fine and unbothered? To hide for all these years that I never got over you? That I did not allow myself to get close to anyone else… For some strange, foolish hope that maybe…” He shook his head and looked away from her. How could he finish that sentence? A saddened laugh escaped him and he turned away from her, wanting to just walk away.  But still, he couldn't.  He took a moment to gather himself before turning to face her again.

“I did ask your father for your hand, you know…” He fell silent, allowing the words to linger heavily in the air between them. “...And do you want to know what he said to me?” His tone was filled with bitterness, sadness, and hurt. “He told me I was not good enough for you. That I never would be.  That I was born on the wrong side of the Demarais line and if you married me I would ruin your life and your chance at succeeding...Because for the entire duration of whatever relationship you and I had... he had been working with the council to marry you off to Edward and you would become queen. And queen beat becoming just a duchess, I suppose.” He shrugged his shoulders and released a sad and sarcastic laugh.  Triston had never stood a chance with Eleesa. “So… There’s that.” He shook his head and looked away from her. “Once again, I apologize for being born on the wrong side of the family… For being a failure and for believing that you deserved more than I could have ever been able to give you. And for not being able to do a damn thing about any of it.”

Triston took a step away from her and sighed. “I’m sorry,” He quietly whispered, his voice cracking. “I must go now, before I say anything else to ruin whatever dignity I have left in my life.  Excuse me.” He turned and began to leave but halted in his steps, feeling like he was only being a coward for walking away from her, so he turned to face her again.  He shook his head, mostly at himself, and he stared at her for a long moment.  "I'm sorry you've been unhappy all this time..."  He quietly whispered, his voice a bit shaken.  "Maybe if I hadn't foolishly believed your father... Agreed with him that you deserved more than me... I could have saved you from all of it.  That things could have been different.  It's my fault...And for all of it, I apologize."  What could he have done anyway?  Her father's mind had been made up and there was no swaying him.  He could have begged Eleesa to run away with him- but he did not want to dishonor her, to ask her to leave everything behind- to selfishly ruin her life because he was in love with her?  To ruin her chances at becoming a queen?  No.  That wasn't him. 

[Eleesa Demarais]

How did this keep happening? This constant circle, this run-around, this conversation of misconstrued emotions and words? If she was able to concentrate for long enough, Eleesa would have been able to take in a deep breath, tell him to shut up and listen, or maybe be brazen enough to kiss him to shut him up and get him to understand. Instead, she was lost to the emotion, to the fear of knowing how much she cared and believing there was nothing she could do about it.

And yet, she still confessed what she had, without even expecting to. Telling him how she wished it had always been him in all regards was a confession, not blame. Not accusation as- unknown to her- he was taking it. Therefore, his tone immediately took her off guard. Eleesa even turned around to regard him in stunned silence; a flicker of fear in those blue eyes because now she felt she was more lost than before. Had she overstepped? Had she said something wrong, or perhaps he did not wish to hear any of it because he did not agree or feel the same? Maybe he never had?

No, she didn't want to believe that. She couldn't. But what else was she supposed to do while he looked at her like that, with a swarm of different emotions? Which one was she to believe, to cling to?

Eleesa could feel her heart thundering inside her chest, the tears further stinging at her eyes that she was so desperate to hold back. They shouldn't be having this conversation, because what was the point? Even if, by some chance, he felt the same, despite what had happened yesterday...what could be done? She needed him to be regent if the council would not grant her the crown. Triston was still the only one besides Aric that she could trust...even after what had happened at the chase, even with how broken she felt. She did not want to risk his chances if those greedy men got wind of this.

She needed him in more ways than one...but she could only choose one, it would seem.

'But ten years have passed...And we are different people.' That hurt more than she expected it to. Even when he confessed his own feelings hadn't changed, Eleesa still waited for this to get worse. It was this sharp pain in her chest, like a knife that was slowly piercing her skin and going straight for her heart. But then, everything began to slowly change. There was this air of self-pity surrounding him that she never thought would have existed. She didn't like it. It didn't suit him. And somehow, it was enough for her to gather what was left of her wits and stand up a little straighter.

'I did ask your father for your hand, you know...' Just when she thought she couldn't hate her father any more than she already did, the pain and hurt just grew. Still, she did not falter, even if there was a brief moment of sadness that contorted her features. Triston kept going, the pity over his own circumstances getting worse and worse, and she wished she could have more sympathy for him...but she didn't. And that fact almost made her cry more.

"Stop," she demanded in a stern, not harsh, voice she didn't think she'd be able to muster. The hurt was still in the tone, but she was demanding his attention once more, for just another moment. "Stop that right now, Triston." Eleesa called him by name, if only to make sure he was fully paying attention. "Do not speak such things to me. Not while I had endured all of that and more. Do not speak as though I do not understand. And yet, I still risked what I did yesterday. Still risked telling you, confessing what I did tonight..." It was quite possibly the only thing keeping her standing upright, despite how much her hands still shook, tightening more into her skirts. "Do not utter such stupidity because you are not a fool. You are smart and you are brilliant, and-" Eleesa stopped herself before her mind ran away with her.

Then, her voice softened a little more, losing whatever bite had remained, "There was nothing you could have done, nor did I expect anything from you...no matter how much I wished and dreamed and prayed my situation would change. No matter what my ignorant and uncaring father said. His opinion has never and should never matter...because, what of mine?"

Eleesa had to pause again, those bright eyes searching his face for some sort of answer to this question, although she didn't expect him to actually reply. If he still cared for her, then her thoughts and opinions of him should be the only ones to matter in this situation. No one else had the right to interject.

"But I stood there before you yesterday...and I'm standing before you now..." She was struggling to breathe because she knew this was dangerous territory. She knew she had to stop. Her throat was sore and she could no longer suppress the gentle sobs that racked her form, or the fresh warm tears that drifted down her cheeks. "Not as someone of the past, not as your queen...just me. Whatever has been left. The part that is afraid to walk away again and possibly lose something that makes me feel...human."

She was wearing her heart on her sleeve and it was terrifying her, yet she couldn't seem to stop.

Standing there for a moment longer, she was silently telling herself to stop. Her mind was screaming at her, but she could not hold back the words that followed in the softest whisper, almost as if she were pleading with him, "...don't we deserve to be happy for once?"

[Triston deGrey]

Despite how guilty and sorry he felt, he knew his apology was a pointless one. It wouldn’t change anything now. The past was in the past and maybe it was time to finally move on from it. He realized this after he spoke his words, that he was falling into that self-pitying hole, as he had done for many years. At Eleesa’s mentioning the past, it had opened those wounds he had closed himself off from, now forcing him to relive them. He wasn’t thinking straight and had become caught up in that same sorrow and hurt he had dealt with alone for all this time, all those emotions came spilling out of him as if those years between then and now had never existed.

Her stern voice only made him realize that she had perceived his self wallowing and negative demeanor. It wasn’t him. At least not to her, as he rarely showed anyone this side of himself. He did not want to appear weak or troubled, and yet, here he stood in front of her, more vulnerable than he ever had been.

Triston inhaled deeply and held his breath, his brows lowering over his eyes as he looked at her with a narrowed, almost angered gaze. The breath was released out his nose in a heavy sigh as he regarded her. Eleesa was demanding him not to speak such things to her. Did she not wish to hear them? Did she not wish to know that he had suffered pain just as she had for all these years? Did she not care? Perhaps he should have continued to keep his feelings to himself. His lips parted as he inhaled, preparing to speak, but she continued. “And yet, I still risked what I did yesterday. Still risked telling you, confessing what I did tonight..." Triston looked down at the floor and shook his head, his eyes closing as he tried to calm himself by taking a few steadying breaths.

"Do not utter such stupidity.” His gaze shot right back up at her, almost preparing to argue with her, but he did everything he could to refrain as she continued on. What a fool he would have felt like, then, as Eleesa began to speak highly of him. And. What else was it she wished to say that she was holding herself back from? He looked at her with a confused expression. His narrowed gaze wavered back and forth between her eyes as if searching them for something.

When her voice softened, so did his expression. Despite her telling him that there was nothing he could have done, he still couldn’t help but feel like he should have done more to convince her father- to fight harder than he had for her. “His opinion has never and should never matter...because, what of mine?" His head tilted slightly, brown eyes softly regarding her as she paused and searched his own face. “And what is your opinion of me?” Triston quietly asked, a bit of caution in the tone of his voice, but his eyes never faltered from hers.

He noticed how she struggled to breathe, how she sobbed, and no longer held back her tears. It caused him to take a step closer to her, but he stopped when she spoke again. And she was right. Both of them needed to stop living in the past, wondering what could have and should have happened. They didn’t happen and there was nothing either one of them could do now to change that.

“The part that is afraid to walk away again and possibly lose something that makes me feel...human." His breath caught in his throat and he could feel his heart tighten in his chest. He realized now what she had been saying- that by pulling away from her and distancing them at the chase, he had denied her that right for her to feel human again. To give in to what she wanted. She still wanted him, after all these years. He nodded in understanding but lowered his gaze to the floor. It mostly had been because he had denied his own feelings for so long, he felt his hopefulness was just that and never would be anything more.

"...don't we deserve to be happy for once?" Triston almost didn’t hear her, but after a moment, her words registered in his mind and he returned his gaze to look into her eyes, searching them. Could they be happy? His expression changed to a saddened one and he finally moved closer to her, closing whatever gap remained between them. Brown eyes remained locked on hers as he looked down at her, placing one of his hands on her cheek. A silent sigh left his nose before he finally spoke, his voice a whisper. “...Of course we do.” He brushed his thumb against her cheek, his eyes showing a hint of affection and desire for her. “Are we allowed to be?” His eyes flickered back and forth between hers.
“I’m afraid that if I allow myself to be happy... it will all be taken from me again.” He took slow deep breaths. Yes, the past was in the past now- but what if he did not become Regent or Eleesa was forced to marry someone else again? He sighed quietly and placed his other hand on her other cheek and nodded as if she had given him an answer already, and he leaned in closer to her. “But I’d rather allow that happiness than to deny myself of it, because of my fears, and risk losing it...and risk losing you, again, by not even trying.” And before Eleesa could say anything, he kissed her.

[Eleesa Demarais]

Eleesa hadn't realized that she was holding her breath, not until her throat became sore. How had this become so complicated? No, more complicated than it already had been? All of these years, had they both been really dancing around the obvious? Had it not been one-sided like she led herself to believe? She was desperate to ignore all of the red flags that should have been clear that even having this conversation was probably a bad idea. If the wrong ears heard...

Yet, she was standing there, watching him with tear-filled, pleading eyes like she didn't care about anything else. And she didn't. Right now, it was just him and that lingering question between them. Would they just let it drift away, would they part ways and pretend like that kiss and this conversation had never happened?

Eleesa said her part. She was holding her heart right out there in the open now, anxiously waiting for him to accept it or deal the final blow. The sad thing was, even after the sadness and angry words shared...she would understand. The difference now was that he knew her feelings were there, whereas before he hadn't. Her lips had been moving, she had been speaking, but it was all confusion up until a moment ago.

Yes, now he knew. Even though she felt her heart pounding wildly in her chest and she nervously awaited his response, Eleesa felt better. More than she had in a long while. It felt good to not hide behind a mask, and to finally let her emotions and opinions be known.

Please don't let me go...

Despite telling herself that she would understand, she was desperately praying that he was as weak as she was. For once in her life, she wanted something she desired, whether it was wrong or not. She had followed the rules, she had remained silent, and she no longer cared to be. She was her own person, for God's sake, and she made her choice.

When his voice broke the silence, she sucked in another breath at his question. She didn't hesitate to answer him; her voice just as quiet as his. "You're the best man I've ever known, Triston. That opinion has never changed." Eleesa was fortunate to know a few good men (just about every deGrey as well as her brother-in-law), but he had always been at the top. Even after they were forced apart, he was courteous and caring, and everything in between. He deserved so much more than he believed. In a fleeting thought, she even wondered if she deserved him.

She wanted to move forward when he took that step closer, but she held herself back; gaze still not wavering from him. Although she stood there straight and tall, she was crumbling inside and she felt her knees wanting to buckle beneath her. Then, he was so close and his saddened expression was as clear as day. He was going to deny her again, wasn't he? But this time it was okay. This time she would understand, and Eleesa was already trying to mentally prepare herself to walk away with no more hard feelings. She had to.

Yet, she weakened even more, leaning into his touch at her cheek with the gentlest of sighs. Blue eyes fluttered as she realized she was breathing once again. Triston was speaking, sounding as though he was trying to reason with himself, to make sense of this all, to make the right choice. She'd be a fool to claim that she wasn't hoping he foolish along with her...

'I’m afraid that if I allow myself to be happy... it will all be taken from me again.'
"Maybe," she answered, her voice quiet and cracking. "But...perhaps it won't." She shouldn't say such things, but there she was...saying them anyway. As his other hand cupped the side of her face, one of her own was wrapping around his wrist gently.

Triston was talking again, threatening to steal her breath away before he was quite literally doing so. She felt fresh tears streaming down her face; this time out of relief and happiness while fingers uncurled from around his wrist to rest gently against his chest. Emotion shook her to the core, nearly shuddering through her, and the softest whimper escaped her throat. There had only been a second of hesitation, a single moment where her mind was trying to register that this was real and it was truly happening...that he had chosen her despite what was stacking against them. Then, those slender digits were gripping tightly into the fabric of his shirt as she threw caution to the wind in that dimly lit corridor, and kissed him back with everything she had. Propriety be damned.

[Triston deGrey]

Triston almost didn’t want to hear what her opinion of him was. It wasn’t that he didn’t care what she had to say or how she felt- but it was because he cared probably more than he should have. He never wished to look poorly in her eyes and despite how painful all of those years had been, he never held it against her. So he remained pleasant and kind, as he always was, and acted as if he were unbothered by her moving on. Maybe in doing so, he had given her the wrong idea that he had gotten over her and stopped loving her. A normal person may have, and maybe Triston should have, for his own sake. But it had never been that easy for him. Deep down, he had felt that Eleesa and he were meant to be together.

He didn’t have to wait long before Eleesa was answering his question. Dark eyes stared at her, as if in disbelief or shock. Had he heard her correctly? What had he done for her to consider him the best man she’d known? The words replayed in his mind several times, but he didn’t know what to say in response. Apparently, she was the best woman he’d ever known, otherwise, he would not have held onto her for so long. Triston’s lips pulled into a straight line and he just nodded slightly. He was just realizing how sad this whole situation really was between them. They had been robbed of time they could have spent their lives together. Happy.

It was why he was suddenly doubting if they were allowed to be happy now. Or would they finally be given that opportunity now? Whatever this was- it was a risk for both of them in so many ways. If anyone saw them this close to one another, rumors would spread. Rumors that could either be innocent or as drastic as the two of them had conspired to assassinate the king so Triston could claim the throne, and they could be together.

He should have been smart enough to keep his distance, to urge them away from the public’s eyes and ears. Yet, if anyone had seen them escape behind doors, the rumors may have been even worse. Either way, it was and always would be a risk. At least until, and if, he became regent. Part of him wanted it even less now. Would it be less of a risk if he was not running for regency? No-probably not. Not with Edward having just passed. He would be the one to blame for moving in on Eleesa so quickly after her husband’s death while she was supposed to be in mourning.

Triston reminded himself, then, of the true reason he was running for regent. To help Eleesa. To be someone for her son to look up to and learn from so he could be a good king and not be tarnished by the corruption of someone else. It was hard to trust many in Tresteria, and even with being part of the council, Triston didn’t trust many of the members on it. No one else would give Eleesa the chance or allow her to have a voice, despite Edward being her son.

"But...perhaps it won't." He stared into her eyes as she grabbed hold of his wrist. Part of him expected her to stop him, then- for her to push them both back to their senses. It would have been the smarter decision. But it would seem they would be fools together.

Even as she placed her hands on his chest, there was a moment he thought she would push him away. But when he felt her grip tightly onto the fabric of his shirt, it urged him to kiss her deeper, his arms wrapping tightly around her as he pulled her closer to him. He kissed her with a fiery passion and desire, throwing all his emotions and feelings, his apology for everything into that kiss.

Unlike at the chase, Triston remained lost in their kiss, forgetting everything around them. All that mattered was her. That after all this time, they were finally given this chance- one that he never wanted to lose again, and he dared to make her feel that as he held her against him and kissed her deeply.

After a moment longer, Triston reluctantly pulled his lips away from hers but didn’t yet let go of her. He rested his forehead against hers as he tried to catch his breaths. His eyes opened and he looked down at her, the faintest smile tugged at the corners of his lips before he whispered against hers. “I don’t want to ruin the moment by saying we need to be careful… But, we should be careful…” He lightly brushed his lips against hers and breathed a small huff of a laugh before pulling away altogether. Brown eyes rested on hers though, looking at her with a longing expression. “... And I know that you know why…” He sighed quietly and then glanced around them to ensure there was no one around still. When he looked back at her, he reached for her hand and brought it to his lips, kissing it gently before he let go of it. “Will you save a dance for me later? Or are you retiring for the evening?”

“Oh!” It looked as if he were suddenly remembering something and he reached into the inside pocket of his jacket and pulled out a small wrapped box. “I...almost forgot.” He smiled and handed the box to her. He waited for her to take it before he spoke again, “Happy Yule, Eleesa…” When she unwrapped it, she would find a beautiful necklace with a gardenia flower in the center. “Oh, and…” He stepped away from her and moved up the stairs where he had been sitting and grabbed the bouquet of flowers before moving back to her and handing them to her. “I remembered that you liked gardenia flowers… I wasn’t sure if you still did or not… I guess I had hoped.”

[Eleesa Demarais]

Although he had always been kind and considerate to her (even after her marriage to Edward), it was what he did for others and how he carried himself in life that made her notice. That had made her still silently pine for him, because it just proved that he was considerate of everyone else's feelings before his own, evident by how he had nearly botched up this situation now (with her help) and yesterday's. That was clear to her now, and although it had hurt for him to try and dismiss during the chase, she was very happy he wasn't now.

They had lost so much time. A part of her felt guilty for wishing things would have been different, if only because she loved her sons so very much, and imagining life without them hurt more than anything. They would not have existed without Edward, and were the only things about that part of her life that she would never regret. Still, to stand there with Triston now, to be in his arms, and feel his lips against hers, Eleesa couldn't help but wonder what life would have been like.

Yes, maybe a life they would be allowed now. Somehow.

She was forgetting herself in that moment, forgetting where they were and how much of a risk it was to be standing there in the hallway. Yet, she didn't care, she couldn't care. It had taken so long to get to this point that all the queen wanted to do was forget the rest of the world. The only thing that mattered was him and only him as her fingers curled ever tighter into his shirt; securing their closeness and not daring to end this moment. It would be the duke doing that once more- but it was gentler, more subtle than yesterday, and it took Eleesa a moment to gather her wits before those bright eyes fluttered open.

He was still there, their foreheads touching, and her chest heaved as she tried to find her breath once again. He wasn't running, he didn't have this horrified and worried look on his face. He was still there, and the thought garnered a gentle smile from her to match his own. Every time he talked, his lips teased as they gently brushed against hers, and that gaze dropped to watch his mouth. She might have only been half listening to what he was saying, being as she was struggling not to become distraction again. Still, he was right- they had to be careful for so many reasons.

"Unfortunately, I do..." she answered him quietly, but her smirk did not falter. Drawing in a deep breath, as if that would calm the rapid beating of her heart, she let it out ever so slowly. Her eyes squinted in mirth at the mention of a dance. "I could...be persuaded, I'm sure." Young Edward and Thomas were still running around in the ballroom, so she certainly wasn't retiring quite yet, although the idea had occurred to her just moments ago.

Then, her expression softened when he was handing her gifts. Quietly unwrapping the box before opening it, the smile immediately returned as fingers brushed across the beautifully crafted necklace. It was a gardenia flower. Even after a decade, he had managed to remember that gardenias were her favorite. It was such a small thing, perhaps, but it caused those blues to lightly glitter with unshed tears. The fact that he remembered that small detail was something she was not used to anymore. It was more than her husband ever bothered to do.

"Triston, everything is just...so lovely. Thank you..." Oh dear, was she going to cry? She was trying not to, but she wasn't prepared for the onslaught of these emotions. She was clutching the box within her hand, bringing it towards her mouth as if that would help keep any sobs at bay. But then, she was handing it back to him. "Would you mind?" she asked as she drew her braided hair over one of those bare shoulders, turning around to indicate for him to place the necklace on. "And yes...gardenias are still my favorite." A turn of her head, she caught him in her peripheral as a corner of her mouth quirked back up into another gentle smile.

[Triston deGrey]

Triston had wanted a moment like this for the longest time. He had always told himself, even if it had been a fleeting moment, he would take it. But now that he got it- he only wanted more. To still have to deny himself, to be cautious, made him feel an ache in his chest. She still had feelings for him. After all these years--she wanted him. Would they be allowed to be together, finally? Or would the council ruin everything?

He stared at her as she answered him and caught her breath. It was nice to see her smiling. He had made her smile. His own lips pulled into a grin as she told him she could be persuaded in a dance with him and he nodded, tilting his head as he regarded her curiously. “Oh, I need to persuade you now?” He laughed quietly and shook his head in feigned disbelief.

As she unwrapped the gift box, he watched her expression and the tears that had welled up in her eyes. Brown eyes looked at her with concern, though he knew for some reason, that she was not upset at his gift or him. Somehow, he knew what she was thinking--Edward had never put thought into gifts for her- he didn’t seem the type to care or pay attention to those sort of things. Triston offered her a gentle and knowing smile. She had deserved so much more.

“You’re welcome.” He quietly spoke, still watching her. When she turned her back to him, he was already reaching for the box, knowing she would ask him to put the necklace on her. As she pulled her hair over one of her shoulders, he couldn’t help but stare at her bare skin for a brief moment before he carefully reached around her and placed the necklace on her, fingers gently grazing against her shoulders and the back of her neck before he clasped the ends together. Triston grinned as Eleesa admitted gardenias were still her favorite.

Once the necklace was on, he gently urged her to turn to face him again and his eyes dropped slightly to admire the necklace on her. “It looks beautiful on you.” He smiled before looking up at her again. “But you would make anything look beautiful…”

He leaned in close to her and brushed his lips against hers as he gently and playfully grasped hold of her chin between his thumb and index finger. “Dance with me.” He whispered against her lips, his smile never leaving his. Slowly, he stood straight again and reached for her hand, clasping his fingers into hers before he led her back towards the ballroom.

[Eleesa Demarais]

This reunion was both a blessing and a curse, she knew. As elated as she felt, as happy as she suddenly was, she couldn't jump into this with both feet just yet. They did have to be careful. The council was always watching, they knew she wanted to fight for regency and would do whatever it took to keep her from it. Should they find her dallying with the duke, they could easily try and claim a conspiracy, that even perhaps she and Triston had managed to murder the king together. It was a frightening thought, but she wouldn't put it past those men. They had to keep their guard up.

Yet, how was she to do that with him so close? When the gentle brushing of his fingertips across her skin sent her nerves ablaze? Now that Eleesa knew she was not alone in her feelings, how was she not to pursue more, to follow where her thundering heart wanted to take her?

He was turning her back around as she adjusted her hair; her own fingers brushing across the necklace as, somehow, her smile managed to grow wider. It was difficult not to while he flattered her like that. A touch of pink warmed at her cheeks before she felt that heat run through her entire body once again when he grasped her chin. Blues dropped down to his mouth, his lips brushing lightly against her own, and she swore her heart was going to break through her chest. She almost didn't register his words, not until he was drawing away to lead her back to the ballroom.

Somehow, in a span of just a few minutes, Triston deGrey managed to make the queen forget the decade's worth of heartache.

[ end scene ]