Letters Between Orin & Cassandra

[Orin Evans]

[While Orin was on board checking things over, he managed to find the room Cassandra would be staying in and he placed a single bright red orchid flower with a note underneath, sealed with wax and stamped with Orin's stamp symbol.]

Cassandra,
I know much could not be said when you left, and I had to watch you leave me. I wish I could have been bold enough to stop you. To refuse to let you leave. I wish I could have been reason enough for you to stay, but still, I understand why that cannot be the case. You are obligated to your old life. Still imprisoned by it. Your heart is too big to just turn your back on it, and I can respect and admire that. But it doesn't change how I feel about you, or make any of this any easier. I wish I could just let go of you and forget and move on. But when I close my eyes, I see those bright green eyes staring at me. I smell you on my pillow at night. I still feel the stinging burning sensation on my skin from your nails as they dug into my flesh, and I hear your moans in my ear. It's enough to drive a man mad with lust and desire for more. Somehow, you've grabbed control over me and it's hard to let go of that. I want you. All of you. I hope I will not have to wait too horribly long, but I will wait as long as I need to if it means I get to have you in my arms again someday. To feel those lips against mine again.
I cannot promise you the best life...Or be the best kind of man that you probably deserve. But I can try, and hope I am given that chance. Safe travels, Cassandra. I will always be this close to you...
Yours, Orin

[Cassandra Demarais]

Strangely, she felt like she could breathe better once she was below deck and hidden away behind a closed door. It didn't help with the anxiety, but it helped with the sadness and pain because she didn't have to pretend that she wasn't upset. Cassandra just prayed that she'd be able to keep up with the charade around the others since she truly had nowhere else she could go. They were all trapped on this ship for a few weeks together, and that thought almost made her sick. There was no one she could share her feelings with (at least not all of them.) When she finally turned from the door, she almost immediately noticed the flower in the small cabin. Moving to pick it up, fingers brushed across the soft, red petals of the orchid until spotting the note. Her heart was already pounding, wondering if it was from him, strangely wondering if this was a "break up" note because it would be easier to do it this way. Fumbling fingers broke the wax seal and unfolded the parchment; holding the flower close to her face as if it would shield her from any heartache while green eyes read the written words. Cassandra had to remember to breathe. She was suddenly gasping from having held her breath and the sob that escaped her throat. His words seemed to be nearly the opposite of what he had spoken to her. He hadn't wanted her to hold onto hope, claimed he was some horrible man...and yet, unless her mind was playing tricks on her, maybe he was hoping now? It made her heart feel full to know he understood her need to leave, that she couldn't be cruel to Henry (despite her clear dishonesty to begin with)...and none of it changed how he felt about her, he wrote. It was the last part that gave her pause, though, that made her heart somehow flutter even more out of control as she found herself sinking onto the edge of the small bed. Although she found herself crying more, she was smiling like a fool.

[Cassandra Demarais]

Orin,

My prison only feels smaller as I must endure weeks on this ship. Truthfully, I do not know how you do it. Then again, I believe I would be far better off if you were here to ease the fright. To ease the loneliness and the ache. Even with your brooding nature and what you have claimed of yourself, you manage to provide a comfort I never knew existed.

Now, with a little over two weeks still to go, I grow even more restless. More empty. The orchid you left has become nothing but a dried memory inside one of my books, and yet, it still brings me comfort when I wake up in the middle of the night, saddened to remember you are absent from my side. I'm already desperate to hop onto another ship the moment I set foot in Tresteria and return to Aralore. Unfortunately, I know it will not be that easy. But, my mind constantly strays to you, making me feel that I am on the right path, that I will get to the end. Get to you.

Yet, I fear that I cannot do this pretending anymore- act as though Edward was a god, that he deserves all the praise in the fucking world. I can no longer shed tears for him and what I have done, and yet it will be another mask I must wear. What is one more, right?

I must confess one mistake, though, and I pray you receive it well. Completely distraught when we left, I was struggling with my conscience, with my heart...and during my despair, while your sister was trying to comfort me, I told her what happened between us. She inquired about your ring, recognizing it, and I was too lost in drink to think clearly. It's been several days since, but she didn't know how to take it...nor do I blame her. As kind as she has remained to me, I fear a small part of her despises me because of her protection of you. I do not know if she fully understands what it is you have done to me and for me. What you mean to me.

As you have protected me, I vie to do the same for you. If your beautifully written words still ring true, know that I will not sit here idly. Everything I do, every waking moment I will be planning my return. I do not belong in Tresteria. I just wish I had the power to forward time.

I do not mean to get terribly sentimental...but now that I've had you, it is so hard to be without you.

Affectionately yours,
Cassandra

[Orin Evans]

He could nearly hear Cassandra's voice in her words, and it made him miss her far more than he expected he ever would. It was easy in the day to let his mind become occupied with keeping busy. But in the evening, when things grew quiet and dark, when he laid in his bed and that vanilla scent of hers still lingered (faintly now), his mind thought of her and the twinge of loneliness he never realized was there before. He really didn't understand it.

But upon reading her words, he realized that perhaps she was feeling similar.
Alexandria now knew of their secret affair and he wasn't too sure on how to feel about that. She either really didn't care, or she was more concerned about him and that he had gotten involved with someone who was unavailable. It was late, and he had just finished a letter to Aric. He figured he could write back to Cassandra and send them both at the same time. There was no use in trying to hide it now, right? It was already out in the open.

Cassandra,

I am sorry you feel that you are in a prison being on that ship. You say you would be better off if I was there, but I've been on a ship with you before... I never want to experience that again. I am only half kidding. Though all kidding aside, I do miss comforting you (if that is what we are calling it now). No, I know what you mean--and I am sorry I cannot be there to ease your loneliness and ache. 

I am glad that the orchid brings you what little comfort it can. Red orchids (from what I was told) represent passion and desire, but also strength and courage--two things I know you posess within you. You do not need me for that. 

Let go of those masks, Cassandra. Who do you need to impress? Who do you need to hide yourself from? Be real. Be yourself-- This is the woman I have grown to care for. Shouldn't the rest of the world get to see you for who you are and not with the fakeness that you feel you need to portray? 

Regarding our secret and my sister finding out--I am sorry you feel she despises you. I doubt that is the case at all. I know my sister better than any (at least I hope I do), and it takes a lot for her to despise anyone. She most likely has the same reservations I had with you not coming back to Aralore. And she probably worries that something may happen to me because I have aided you in being unfaithful to your husband. I am sure she is angrier with me than she is with you. Don't worry about it--I will deal with it when the time comes. 

You say she does not fully understand what it is I have done to you and for you... And what I mean to you? What are those things you speak of? My curiosity is getting the best of me. You are not getting all flowery and sentimental with me now, are you? When we cannot be together? Why is it so hard to be without me? I have done nothing to win such affections from you, Cassandra. I have used you to bed me... Peaked your desire and made you unfaithful to your husband. I have been a bad influence on you. I am not a good man and don't think I ever will be. There are bad things I have done in my life, and I do not deserve you, or anyone's affections, quite honestly. 

Your words are nice, but perhaps you chase hope. A hope that I am something else, something better... But I am just that broody man....vagabond, that you have pinned on me. It will only be a matter of time before you truly see who I am and grow tired or afraid of me. You will have wished you stayed in Tresteria, and will resent me for ruining your life. Because this is what I bring to people. Bad luck. Misfortune. Is it really worth it to you, Cassandra? 

I say these things, but then perhaps I chase a hope too... I hope that you are different from the rest of them... That you see things in me that others perhaps do not. Or that you accept me as I am and can handle who I am. (Not many can, I know. Maybe not even my sister). I do want you. I just do not want to ruin your life... To make you resent me. You deserve something better than me. And maybe in your time home, you will eventually come to realize that and not wish to return any longer. 

I suppose only time will tell. 

I hope the rest of your journey home goes smoothly and you are safe. I miss you. I miss your lips and your touch. I miss your smile. 

Yours,

Orin

[Cassandra Demarais]

For some strange reason, Cassandra hadn't expected to receive a letter while out at sea, but the falcon came bearing two- one for her cousin and one for herself. Both from Orin. Aric was silent when he handed the one addressed to her, and she still did not know whether he understood what had happened or not. He seemed too focused upon his own letter from the queen's brother, and that was fine with her.

Immediately reading it in the privacy of her own cabin, Cassandra sat there in silence, swiftly reading over the written words. Funny how her heart seemed to sink just a little while green eyes rolled into white. He was doing it again. That thing he did with those conflicting words. At this point, it made her smirk in soft amusement since she didn't care what he thought about her feelings. They were hers and to feel as she so desired.

Before she could forget her thoughts, she rushed to the small table to quickly pen a response.

Orin,

Oh, you are so very humorous, vagabond. The last and only time we were on a ship together, I wanted to claw your face off- this much is true. I was a very different person then, even if it really wasn't that long ago. Now, I desire to maul your face in an entirely different manner, and I care not what you think of it.

You are a comfort. Even while you sleep, your steady breathing calms me. Your presence, even after you've blatantly spoken your mind, soothes my own because you're one of few I can be myself around. You're honest, even when it's insufferable. There is no mask with you. There is just me, and I don't think you understand how hard it is to feel that way coming from the society that I have. But if I have to beat this realization into your head, then, perhaps I just might take out one of those lovely eyes.

How has your scar been healing?

Perhaps I am getting a bit too sentimental. And I assure you, I am quite sober now as I write this letter. I'm simply being honest. I'm simply being me, as you have already told me I should be. But I miss you terribly, and sometimes I still ask myself why. It is some sort of attachment that I cannot break nor want to. I pray for nothing more than to return to Aralore. I dream of simpler days where I obey no one but my own heart and hopes. I dream of nothing but that stupid meadow, a new one of my own. And through all of it, I dream of you with me.

You keep saying you have done nothing to win my affections, and yet I always tell you the same reasons why. Sometimes one doesn't need a ridiculously grand gesture to be sincere. Sometimes, they just have to be there. You continuously call yourself a bad man, but understand that I am no saint myself. I have broken vows, yes, but I have also committed a treacherous deed...and one that I know I would do again if given the chance to. I am not comparing this darkness to yours (whatever that may be), but do not act as though I have not seen the evil of men. And evil comes in many forms.

Maybe that is why you do not frighten me. Maybe it is why I actively (or foolishly) keep returning to you. Yet, it is my choice. If you wished me not to, I know you would not hesitate to say so. However, you have not yet.

I do resent you, because you have made me realize things I have been so blind to. It made my life so very difficult in so many ways. But I adore you for the very same reasons because I know I am better for them. In those ways, it has made my life better.

You tell me to take charge of my life and make my own choices. Well, I am. For once in my life, my head is mostly clear and I will do as I damn well please, do you understand? Maybe it will be you that winds up resenting me.

If your sister has not, in fact, changed her mind, she had a wish for me to remain alongside her as one of her ladies. I would love nothing more, so long as I can pursue other ideas that I have been mulling around in my head. But...I do wish you had told me about the ring. She recognized it and I had no way to hide it. I didn't know it was your mother's. This is why I struggle to believe you are as horrible as you claim to be. In fact, maybe I'm even calling you a liar, although lovingly so...?

Game, set, match, Mr. Evans.

And, for the record, I used you first.

Affectionately,

Cassandra

[Orin Evans]

Cassandra,

I hope this letter finds you well. I apologize for my delay in sending it. I have been pretending to be in charge of a kingdom. Or something. 

But I am sure you would prefer not to hear about the grueling tasks of torturing a man for information and working diligently to prepare for a war that we cannot afford.

My scar has been healing fine, but I do not think it will fade completely. I will forever be reminded that I almost lost my sister because my eye was almost slashed out and I could not get to her. Thank god for Aric. (Don't tell him I say this).

You are getting quite sentimental on me. What has gotten into you? Are you admitting that you are attached to me and cannot live without me? Yet, you quite literally are living without me. And for the record, I will be in whatever dream full of meadows you want, so long as we are both rolling around in that meadow together. Naked. 

How could I ever possibly have reason to resent you, Cassandra? Much like you say I have made you realize things you were blind to and you are better because of that-- You have done something quite similar for me. You looked past everything and have given me a chance... Whatever that chance might be, I am not completely certain... But I do have affections for you. I realize this probably a little too late, now that you are missing from my sight and my bed. And you have planted hope into my mind that I never had before. Maybe I do resent you a little bit for that.

What are these other ideas you have been mulling around in that pretty head of yours, if you should return to Aralore?

The ring was my mother's. Why is that important? The ring you gave me was your mother's, wasn't it? Am I not allowed to return such a sentiment? I think my mother would have liked you. Maybe. I'm honestly shocked Alexandria recognized the ring. Sorry?

Anyway, I am assuming you are in Tresteria by the time you receive this letter. I hope things are going well and the men over there are keeping their hands off of you. Though I would not blame them if they are trying. 

And now, here is my sentimental piece for you: I do miss you. I see your face when I close my eyes and you are in my dreams almost every night. Some of those dreams are quite amazing, but not nearly as close to the real thing. 

And, for the record, you can use me anytime. 

Yours, 

Orin

[Cassandra Demarais]

Orin,

Edward's funeral has been done and over with. I no longer have to pretend to shed tears. Sometimes, I feel guilty for my sins, for my lack of empathy, but then I remember what the man had done. Not just to me, not just to your sister, but everyone he ever even looked at. There has been this heavy weight lifted off of my shoulders, and for once, I feel like I can finally breathe.

I am more than confident that you are doing well. Alexandria does not trust lightly, and she knew she was leaving her kingdom in capable hands. I can't argue with her logic either, because I know those hands. I miss those hands. And they have taken care of me on many occasion. Of course, it is not the same (I speak in jest), but I do believe in you, and believe you will make the proper choices necessary to ensure Aralore's safety. If I can find confidence in myself, Orin, you can do the same.

That scar proves you are capable, that you are strong. It does not say that you have failed- it shows that you tried, and isn't that what matters? Everything turned out alright in the end (yes, I'll be sure to tell Aric you're grateful for him), and your sister is quite well. Honestly, she's seemed happy, and I pray some time away has helped ease some of her worry. I pray my cousin's death has brought her some semblance of peace, even if a little.

But I received some news today. Apparently, Henry has purchased an old estate in Aralore recently- Graceview, I think? For me. In my name with no attachment to his own. It could be mine if I wish it, since I will have no place in his will. He's written me out of it. And I know I should be furious, yet it has only further solidified my freedom. He told me that it wasn't much, but I don't care if the place is a damn shit-hole...it's freedom. It's mine. I can learn to grow herbs and flowers for medicinal purposes. I could be something, and this is a feeling I've never had before.

I could come back to Aralore. To you.

I'm still afraid of so many things, but you, Orin, have opened my eyes to a world I never knew existed. Perhaps, you have created a monster. Even if your arms are not waiting for me when I take this leap of faith, I will be forever grateful to you, vagabond. Just understand that you are often the first thought when I wake up and the last when I fall asleep. You've even taken over nearly every thought in between. You're a damn addiction that I cannot break, nor do I wish to.

I do not know if this letter will reach you before Yule, but I have enclosed a small gift. I forever fear that you will have forgotten me, so I wanted to send a little reminder. And before you can ask, my sister, Elyscia, drew it for me. No other eyes have seen it.

Affectionately and irrevocably yours,

Cassandra

[Orin Evans]

Cassandra,

Thank you for your letter and your gift. I received it when I think I needed it most. It brought me a much needed...comfort.

You are beautiful. And crazy if you think I would ever forget you... especially what is hidden beneath the sheet in the drawing. While I appreciate the visual reminder, you're the type of woman who is nearly impossible to forget. I can hear your voice in my head as I am reading your words.

Yule will certainly be over by the time you receive this letter and my gift, so I apologize for it not making there in time. I hope you did not feel too lonely or forgotten about during whatever festivities you Tresterians partake in. Not much of a fuss was made around here for the holiday (Alexandria is usually here insisting we celebrate), so I nearly forgot until I received your letter. I wish I could be there, not only to see your reaction as you open the gift (I hope you will not be angry but rather understand my sense of humor--I told you I am a bad man) but also to just be with you to celebrate.

I'm happy to hear that the sad excuse of a man is now gone and buried in the ground. Do not feel guilty. He is not worthy of your guilt.

I am not made to run a kingdom, honestly...And I have no idea how my sister does it. I just do not want to let her down as I have so many times before. I wish that she trusted in more people, honestly, then perhaps I would have some help here. The only ones I know who she trusted are Nemeris (Who I think would rather stay locked up in her manor), and Eoin (who, well... probably would be upset or hurt in my presence because I will just remind him of his past and what he can no longer have... And it was my fault for telling Alexandria he was dead. I did not know...)

You are funny. How does my scar prove I am capable and strong? If I was, I would not have such a scar. I would have been capable of stopping that man...and strong enough to keep him away. I would have stopped his sword, to begin with, so he could not have gotten so close to killing her... Yes, everything turned out fine in the end, but I will forever be reminded of that night when I have to look at myself and the scar that runs down my eye because of it. But you can keep believing what you want if it makes you feel better.

I have heard of the Graceview estate. It has been abandoned for quite some time. Perhaps I will go take a look at it and see what shape it is in...Maybe make some repairs for you. It will give me another purpose and something to do. Or maybe I will wait and it will be a project we can do together.

What kind of thoughts about me run through your mind, I am curious? If they are similar to my own, then I do understand, quite well, as you are also the first and last thoughts that run through my mind every day. Thoughts that only make me miss and desire you more.

It's always good to hear from you-- I hope you are doing well when you receive this. Thank you again for the drawing. It will remain on my nightstand so I may look at you while I try to sleep.

Yours,
Orin

[Cassandra Demarais]

Orin,

I fear this letter will be short. I have little time and must hurry.

Henry passed away just last evening, and I'm still shaken by it. You know I loved him as any dear friend would, and despite what I had to give up because of him, what I had to leave behind in order to return to Tresteria, I do not regret being by his side in the end. He took care of me, and he's given me the ability to choose my own path now. A path that I must take this very moment or risk losing it forever.

He set me free, and I cannot be afraid anymore.

Your sister and the others have already been gone for days, so I must steal aboard my brother's ship before anyone at court notices. I'm an unwed woman now, and of royal blood- the council will certainly have plans for me. But a Demarais I certainly am, and we do not play by the rules.

I pray this letter finds you well and that I have managed to remain the first and last thoughts on your mind. I care about you, Orin Evans, so foolishly enough to be getting on this blasted ship. And you know I hate sailing. I fear it, but I fear losing you even more.

I'll be returning to you soon...if you'll still have me.

And I wonder how you mean for me to use this ring you so graciously gifted me. Is it for "just in case", or am I to test it on you? I suppose we shall have to wait and see, vagabond.

Affectionately,

Cassandra