The Past Comes Back to Haunt

[Nemeris Arundel]

[Scene Continued Showing Her Powers ]




[MESSENGER] The man rode to the Arundel manor and found Eoin there chopping wood. He climbed off the horse and approached him. "Are you Eoin? I have a message for you from the queen." He waited for Eoin to confirm before handing the wax sealed letter to him, though it did not have the Queen's stamp (since she did not have it with her at the time), but instead it had Aric's, which he'd probably not be able to recognize. Once the message was in Eoin's hand, the messenger bowed and left.

As Eoin would open the letter it read:


Eoin,
Please forgive me. I was, and still am not in my right mind when you came to me. I thought I was seeing a ghost as I was told you had died. Instead of embracing you and telling you how happy and relieved I am that you are not dead, I shunned you and showed fear. I cannot forgive myself for acting this way, and I hope you can forgive me.

Truly, I am relieved you are alive. And it pains me that I did not know of your capture and did nothing to find or rescue you, when you had done that for me when they captured me. I hope someday you could forgive me for this as well, though with what I am sure you have endured, I wouldn't blame you if you cannot. I am sorry for so many things. Too much to write in this letter. I would like to meet with you when you have a chance to, and if you still wish to see me after my horrid display of a reaction, though, once again I will understand if you do not wish to.

There are some problems I am dealing with today and I am not well, so I ask you give me until tomorrow to meet me, if you so wish. I will wait for you at the place we used to meet at.
Sincerely, Alexandria




[EOIN] That was the problem...he didn't know how to feel about it. About anything anymore, all over again. It was his burden to bear, even if she was trying to help. He understood that much. So he just poured his frustrations into his work, this simple task of chopping wood that, by the time he was done, would probably last her the entire winter. He was so encompassed in this task that he barely heard the horse as it approached until it was close, and he spun to regard the messenger. Panting, trying to remember where he was, he lowered that axe. "I am," he answered before the letter was handed over. He certainly didn't recognize the seal, even though the man said it had come from the queen...so Eoin could only assume that it had been Alexandria's new husband. It made him hesitant to read it, but he ultimately did. While eyes scanned over the written words, he felt a horrible mixture of relief and hatred, that complicated feeling of not knowing what way to lean. Eventually, he lowered himself to sit on a tree stump, running his hand down his face before tossing the letter away...watching as it wavered in the air and slowly drop to the ground. What did she want to say that she hadn't already in the written form? For his own sanity, would it even be wise to go? Would it be worse if he did not? [d]



[NEMERIS] In the time Eoin had been outside chopping wood, she finished preparing the stew and it was simmering in the pot over the fire, cooking. She cleaned up and at one point, glanced out a window, seeing Eoin chopping wood. She watched him for a while, pondering if she should go stop him, but she knew he was blowing off his steam by putting himself to work. She wasn't sure if he was angry with her either, as he hadn't said anything to her before stepping out. She felt guilty. She left him alone, busying herself for a while, until it had started to grow late. She wrapped herself in a shawl and made her way outside, finding Eoin sitting on the tree stump. She cautiously approached him and noticed the paper flying around nearby. "Eoin?" She wrapped her arms around herself to try and block out the chill. "I'm so sorry for what I did... it was wrong of me to assume it would be alright. I just wanted to help you.." [d]



[EOIN] Having not been absorbed in some menial task, he saw her approaching in his peripheral but didn't look over at her. After she spoke, there was a long moment before he bothered to respond. "It was," he agreed that it was wrong of her to assume and do such a thing. "But I know..." He never doubt it was anything besides wanting to help him. As cold as she liked to portray herself, she had a caring heart. At least to him. It still did not make any of it better or easier, knowing she would have those very same dark thoughts in her head as he did. Eoin didn't say anything more on it, because he truly did not know what else to say. He didn't know how to completely feel about it yet. So, instead, his leg stretched so that he could stomp a boot down on that fluttering letter before the wind carried it away; reaching over to hold it out for her to read. And she'd possibly be able to see how conflicted he was about yet another problem. [d]



[NEMERIS] She was relieved that he did not yell at her, but she still had an uneasy feeling about him. He seemed to be very bothered, and she didn't know what else to say to make him feel alright about it all. He did not realize that she had experienced worse before, so it was nothing new and different than what she was already used to. She sighed quietly but the watched as Eoin stomped down on the fluttering piece of paper and then handed it to her. Grey-blue eyes scanned over the letter, reading the words from the queen, and she felt as if she shouldn't be as this was their own personal matter. When she finished it, she carefully folded it back up and extended her arm to hand it back to him. She said nothing for a moment because she could see the conflict on his features, as if he didn't know what to do. And she honestly had no idea what advice to give him. Finally, she moved closer to him and sat down next to him after urging him to scoot over a bit for her. "You're not sure if you should meet with her or not?" [d]



[EOIN] It didn't matter if she told him everything that she had once endured, what she still remembered...she didn't need more. She didn't need his horrors on top of whatever else. He just didn't feel like sharing that all right now, because now he had to wonder about the queen. Perhaps it wasn't something he should be debating, because hadn't he wanted nothing more than for her to acknowledge him? But to know how long it has been, that she must have moved on...would he be able to handle it? Eoin, at least, didn't mind that she read those words, personal or not...because she was going to be the only other one who might understand what he was now dealing with. Whether she simply understood it or because she could...sense it, or whatever it was she did. He needed advice. Rising up to his feet, he lazily picked up that axe, contemplating on cutting more wood. "What's the point?" he finally asked out loud. "She said it all right there." He gestured to that letter which he refused to take back from her. She could just burn it. "Am I supposed to stand there, look in her eyes and pretend that everything is alright? The life I left behind is no longer here...and she's just going to remind me of it even more." Not that it was necessarily Alexandria's fault, and maybe he was being weak to say any of this. [d]



[NEMERIS] When he didn't take the letter back she kept hold of it and folded her arms over her chest. Grey-blue eyes watched as he got up and went back to the axe. It was then that she noticed the rather large pile. "Good god....Eoin." She couldn't help but laugh, standing up and moving back over to him. She took the axe out of his grip. "I think I'm good on firewood for a while now..." She looked him in the eye and raised a brow in concern. "Come back inside?"

She leaned the axe up against the chopping block and sighed. "Maybe she has more to say?" She glanced at the letter and frowned. Something about what she wrote bothered her. That she mentioned dealing with some problems today and that she wasn't well. Nemeris shook her head. "No... not at all. You stand there, look her in the eyes and be yourself. No pretending that everything is alright, because it's not. And she knows that. Don't you think her life she used to live went away, too?" She raised her brow in a challenged questioning manner. He really had no idea how torn apart she had been. And maybe he never would. "You can always walk away if it becomes too difficult..." She shrugged her shoulders. "What would you do if you found out she was unhappy in this arrangement and was only doing it for the alliance? Would your feelings be the same as they are right now?" [d]



[EOIN] He sighed openly in annoyance when she took the axe from him, and he stood there running a hand down his face again, as if that was going to clear his vision, clear his head. She suggested he go back inside, but he wasn't budging. The cold air helped keep him somewhat steady. "Unhappy?" he spat that word out, laughing in sarcasm. "Don't try putting that idea into my head, Nem...not after I watched her cling to him. Not after she looked at me that way." He knew she was shocked. He knew she was terrified, thinking she had seen a ghost. He understood it even if he didn't want to accept it. He wasn't denying or arguing that. "Even if that were true, there would be nothing I could do." There was no happy ending for them anymore, and he wasn't sure if he was strong enough to fully face that yet. [d]



[NEMERIS] He wasn't budging to come inside, and it was getting colder. She sighed quietly and wrapped her shawl tighter around herself. "Eoin..." Though, perhaps he was right. There really wasn't much he could do. Not unless the queen's purpose was to rekindle their relationship, despite her marriage-- though she did not think Alexandria to be a dishonest or disloyal person. She moved over to him and placed a hand on his shoulder, squeezing it slightly. "It's your choice. If you don't want to see her, don't see her. But she's making an attempt to reach out, which I am sure is just as hard for her." She shrugged her shoulders. "What advice would you like from me, if you do not wish to hear what I've already said? If it's alright that you are feeling angry with her? Would you forgive yourself if you didn't go?" [d]



[EOIN] He was being incredibly stupid and stubborn...it was just taking him a little longer than usual to realize it. But, that was what happened when your heart managed to tear further into two after it had already been broken and cracked. But he knew, deep in that shattered heart, that Alexandria was not wishing to see him to rekindle whatever they had. He had seen it, he could feel it deep within his gut that it wouldn't be the case. And he wasn't sure if he was ready to hear it from her own lips...lips that used to be his. Eoin turned with an exaggerated sigh, hands moving to his hips as his face tilted up to the darkening sky. "I don't know, Nem...I really just don't know. Time stopped for me...but it hadn't for her." [d]



[NEMERIS] Stubborn, maybe. But not stupid. At least she did not think so. Nemeris understood completely and she wished she could make it easier for him. She frowned and let out a quiet sigh. "I'm sorry Eoin. I know it's hard, I really do... " She laughed in a sad kind of way and grabbed hold of his arm. "Did you know Brennus loved her? Not me. Her..." But she had loved him despite that. It was sad, really... And pathetic. She had done all she could to try and sway his heart to her and to forget about Alexandria, but it hadn't worked. He probably pretended she was her, and the worst part-- he did not even know she had gotten pregnant with his baby. "I'm really not sure why I loved him... But I did.." She sighed again and shook her head. "So... I get it, Eoin.. I really do... " [d]



[EOIN] When Nemeris shared that private, little tidbit about Brennus, he was instantly whirling around to look at her; confusion and disgust written all over his face. "What?" No, he had heard her quite clearly, and it did little to make him like the man. It was less than it had been, even though he was gone. His jaw clenched, and it was clear that he was trying not to say anything he'd regret, but he couldn't just stand there in silence. "I shouldn't speak ill of the dead..." he began slowly, shaking his head. "But he didn't deserve you, Nem." He wanted to ask how she could give her heart to such a brainless- and clearly heartless- ape...but she said herself she didn't know why she loved him. [d]



[NEMERIS] She laughed and shook her head at Eoin's attempt to comfort her. "Or I don't deserve anyone..." And she honestly believed that. She shrugged her shoulders and laughed again, mostly at how pathetic the whole situation had been. "I'm shocked Alexandria allowed him to stay here... He gave her such hell because he wanted her but she was with you. He wanted to be king, which is mainly why he tried to pursue her. I had agreed with Alexandria that I would try to divert him. He gave in because he knew he couldn't have her... He had his moments, of course...and I think it were those moments that made me love him... He lead me on, and I was too stupid to see it, I suppose..." She shrugged her shoulders again, pulling her shawl tightly around herself again. "Or maybe I was just too lonely to care." After his death, she had promised herself she wouldn't so carelessly throw her heart away like that. Even if it meant she would be lonely for the rest of her life. [d]



[EOIN] Honestly, he couldn't believe what he was hearing. "That's not true," he was quick to say. She did deserve someone...just not that prick who couldn't care less about anyone but himself. Eoin had wanted to try and think better of the man, but none of this was making it easy. Maybe it was good that he was gone, as horrible as that thought was. A thought he wouldn't ever repeat. The more she told him, the more it bothered him, even angered him a little...until he sighed. Lonely, she said. "Well...I guess I can understand that part." He took his head again in slight disbelief. "But really...him?" Stop, he silently told himself. Do not mock her so cruelly. "I'm sorry...I didn't mean to..." What, judge? [d]



[NEMERIS] Eoin urged her that it wasn't true, that she didn't deserve anyone. But she had a hard time believing that. It just did not seem to be in the cards for her. Back then, she had sort of been blinded by it all--wanting to believe it was different than what it was. But in her time alone, she had come to realize what it had been. They were constantly fighting and at each other's throats. He treated her poorly, but she did not know any better, really. Eoin was suddenly judging her, and brows furrowed at him before she narrowed her eyes. "You didn't mean to, what?" She shot at him. Nemeris had opened up to him to let him know that she could understand how he was feeling--and he was being cruel now. "As you can see... I don't have men lining up to meet me, or give me the time of day... So why him? Because he did give me a chance... He put up with me when no one else dared to..." Her tone was upset and angry now, and before he could say anything else, she turned and walked away and back into her house. [d]



[EOIN] He was being cruel, but at the same time...Brennus sounded like he had been twenty times worse. Eoin was in a horrible mood now, all of a sudden, so that wasn't going to help matters here. And it was clear that he had upset her. Still..."You don't allow anyone to give you the time of day!" he heard himself belting out, before he could take it back. And it seemed like he wasn't done. "And it sounded like he gave you nothing, Nem!" He was calling after her now, following a few steps as she began walking away. "It was like you were filling a void for him, a second choice!" Perhaps it sounded like he was berating her, but he really wasn't. It was Brennus, rest his damned soul, that he couldn't stand. Especially after this. All of a sudden, this wasn't about him and Alexandria anymore. [d]



[NEMERIS] Eoin was following after her, continuing to berate her for her poor choices in life and for who she was. What else was new? She never said she was a good person. When he finished, and just as she was about to go inside, she stopped and turned to him. There was anger and hurt on her features as she looked at him. "Thank you, Eoin... For reminding me...Because I had absolutely no idea that was what happened..." She glared at him, as if her eyes could pierce right through him. "And why the hell should I bother to allow anyone else in? It's all pointless... I don't need anyone... I don't need to feel things... I'm better off alone... So ... just go back to your chopping wood." She turned away and went inside, slamming the door behind her. [d]



[EOIN] Yeah, he botched this up. But he was furious at a dead man and since he wasn't there to yell at, he was taking it out on the universe...thus out on Nemeris. How did a stupid letter escalate to this? He instantly paused when she turned around, glaring at him with those icy eyes. She was talking, rambling, and he tried several times to interject...but eventually, she was turning back around to enter her home, slamming the door right in his face, inches from his nose because he had begun to follow her again. He was silent, a hand lifting up as though to pound against the wooden door...but he just rested his palm against his before his forehead followed, leaning against it with a heavy sigh. "It's not pointless!" he called out, but his voice was less harsh and not as loud. No one was happy alone, no matter what they said. So, despite what Brennus had done, she chose this misery. The choice he, currently, was juggling. Lingering there for a moment longer, Eoin turned around with another sigh, but he didn't go back to the axe. He just kept walking in a random direction. [d]



[NEMERIS] She would not cry. She commanded herself not to cry. And she didn't. But it didn't mean her heart wasn't pounding angrily in her chest. Eoin had struck a nerve with her--reminding her of why she didn't let people in. Why she kept her distance from others. Because they all judged her. No one fully understood her and it was so easy to pass judgement on her, because, why not? She didn't have a heart, right? Was that what it was? She heard his voice through the door, of him trying to argue that it wasn't pointless. Was that it? Was he trying to convince her of that, or himself? Because it wasn't convincing her. Standing against the wall next to the door, she half expected Eoin to barge in after her, but she only heard silence. Assuming he left her, she moved into her kitchen to check on the stew she was cooking, not knowing if Eoin would even bother coming back now. For the longest time, she had denied that Brennus had treated her wrongfully, mostly because she hadn't known any other relationship aside from the arranged marriage of her husband who had been killed as a suspect for her father's death. She hadn't let too many people into her life, and she had her reasons for it. Who was Eoin to give her a hard time for that? It wasn't until she was grieving the loss of her baby that she had realized the love she had felt for Brennus had been one-sided and wrong. And she did not want to think of it. When she had hoped to show Eoin that she understood what he was going through (somewhat), and instead, he turned it on her and made the issue at hand her fault. She stormed up the stairs of her manor and into the room that held all of Brennus' things and she screamed in anger before completely tearing the room apart in an angered rage. [d]



[EOIN] He figured he wouldn't have a place to stay now because he had been a bit too open and honest about things. He shouldn't have even shown her that damn letter. But he didn't blame her for wanting to keep him away, to push him from her life like she seemed to do with everyone else. How could she live this way? Why was she okay with it? It was taking Nemeris' misery for him to realize that...he didn't want that. He didn't want to lock himself away in some dark room, away from people, away from anything. It wasn't living. Eoin had wrangled Nomad who was still following Vesta around the yard to begin to saddle him up, figuring he should leave before he made matters worse...but it was hard to ignore the noise and screams coming from inside that manor. And there was no one else there to check on her, to take care of her. Sighing with a curse on his lips, he left his horse's side to rush back into the house, slowly making his way up the stairs to follow the woman's rage to that particular room. The door was already ajar, and it squeaked a little bit as he pushed it open further. Eoin hesitated, prepared for any flying objects or fists before he rushed forward to draw her against his chest. "Stop," he whispered, his voice strained. "Just stop." [d]



[NEMERIS] The room had already looked as if a tornado had hit it. She had flung clothes around the room, broke a mirror, books strewn about, pages ripped out, furniture overturned. She hadn't even heard or noticed Eoin enter the room until he was grabbing hold of her, pulling her against his chest. She yelled out and tried to break free from his grip. "Don't touch me! Get away!" She tried pushing him away, but he was urging her to stop, holding her from further causing anymore damage. She finally gave up the struggle against him and just broke down and cried, despite her trying to convince herself not to. [d]



[EOIN] He endured her struggle, anticipating her fighting him, but he didn't let her go. His arms were strong and tight around her, only easing once she had; completely breaking down against him. Jaws were clenching, wondering how it had gotten to this point so quickly. "I'm sorry, Nem," he told her. "I'm an ass. I didn't...mean any of it. Not like that..." He had been frustrated, struggling to maintain his sense of mind, to try and get a hold of what was probably going to be a disastrous situation tomorrow. Of course he had to...but a part of him truly didn't want to. Not anymore. [d]



[NEMERIS] Damn him for making her break down like this. Why was she breaking down? She was stronger than this. But she couldn't stop, her forearms were pinned against him and her face buried into his chest as she cried. She barely heard his apology between her sobs. He only spoke the truth-- Something she just did not wish to hear. She did not want to admit she had been so blind and stupid. Never again would she make the same mistake.

His arms had eased around her, so she finally pushed him away from her and held her hand up to prevent him from coming near her again. Her tear-filled eyes glared at him again as if daring him to try and come near her again. "I don't need or want your fucking pity." She hissed at him. If she wasn't being judged, she was being pitied by people who thought they knew her. [d]



[EOIN] Staggering back when she pushed him away, he didn't fight it, but he wasn't leaving either. He brought this upon her, whether he was right or not it didn't matter. She had comforted him, had still been trying to...and this was how he repaid her? He stood there almost hopelessly; his own hands going up to show that he wasn't budging. "It's not pity, Nem...you should know that." Couldn't she sense that it wasn't? He wasn't trying to make a joke, but everything he was feeling right now wasn't pity. Maybe it was sympathy. It was understanding; unfortunate understanding in some regard. Brennus was a complete ass. And yes, maybe Nemeris had been completely naive...but love blinded a person. It made them oblivious and sink further into things they shouldn't. [d]



[NEMERIS] "No? Then what is it?" She narrowed her eyes at him. Part of her just wanted to lash out at him, strike him down, continue to destroy things in this room. She felt so angry and didn't know what to do with that energy. She moved over towards him and pushed him backwards again. Eyes narrowed at him, piercing through him. "I was trying to help you....and you just... make me feel bad about myself..." She growled before she stepped away and with her arms, cleared items from the desk in the room, causing them to scatter and fly across the room, before she collapsed to the floor and cried into her hands. [d]



[EOIN] He kept his hands up still, even when she pushed him again, making him take a couple staggering steps backwards, almost into the door. She was speaking again, and he simply waited for her to get the rest of that rage out before bothering to say or do anything. The items from the desk scattered every which way, but he barely flinched. He didn't need any sort of magic to understand what she was feeling. "I know..." he finally said quietly, daring to approach her again as she fell to the floor. Eoin eventually knelt down to a knee in front of her, half expecting her to lash out at him. "I know," he said again. "But...I didn't mean it that way. I just-" His head hung low and he sighed. He didn't know how to explain, maybe because he really didn't know where his mind had been going. "You do deserve far more than you think. You're this strong person and you let...someone like that just..." No, he wasn't making anything better. Yes, he was judging her, in a way, for loving a man so undeserving...but it was because he couldn't believe it. Yet, who was he to judge? It wasn't his place. "You sit alone here, claiming no one cares, that no one would love you...and you're wrong. And I don't care how much you argue that. It's not going to change my mind." [d]



[NEMERIS] She could feel his presence as he knelt down in front of her, and his voice confirmed that he was there, though she did not lift her face from her hands. Her fingers trembled in anger. He wasn't making anything better, no. Because he was continuing to, or about to speak of how someone like her had let Brennus use her as he had. She was stronger than that, and in her moment of weakness, had allowed him in and became blinded by all of it. Eoin was saying things that she didn't quite grasp. She deserved far more than she thought she did? Why? Nemeris had screwed so many things up in her life, she felt she deserved every bad thing that happened to her now. You sit alone here, claiming no one cares, that no one would love you...and you're wrong. And I don't care how much you argue that. It's not going to change my mind. Her gaze finally lifted to look at him, eyes narrowed, and she shook her head. "You do not know me. I am not wrong... I'm fine with being alone and no one loving or caring for me... Because then it prevents being hurt. And I do not need to worry over someone." Yes, spoken like a true recluse. She was done with it all. She would never wear her heart on her sleeve like she had, again. It was stupid of her to do so with Brennus, and she was paying for it, even still after his death, with Eoin here making her feel foolish for allowing a stupid man like him to find his way to her heart when no one else seemed to be able to. What had been so special about Brennus, anyway? She remembered it just started out as a way to help Alexandria and to try to take his mind off of her. Somehow, it had developed into something further than that. At least for her, it had. Though he had made her believe at some point that his heart belonged to her, and maybe that was why it had gotten as far as it had between them.

Her eyes were piercing as she stared at Eoin, tears streaming down her cheeks. She had no other words to say to him, because he wasn't listening to her. He did not understand. He didn't know her and he had no right to say such things. [d]



[EOIN] He just didn't like the man, and he would continue to hate him even in death. It were as though he has known all of this from the start. And no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't pretend he had care or respect for Brennus. Not after what she just told him. When she finally spoke, his attention was drifting back to her, and his mouth set in a firm frown. A true recluse indeed. Call him an optimist, even after ensuring all that he had, but he still didn't- and couldn't- believe that she was okay with being alone. Not when he had managed to make her smile and laugh, making it quite clear that company of any kind was good. Of course, now he ruined it. He knew he did because he was still struggling to get a grasp on his own horrors. And maybe that was why he didn't know how to fix her. Or fix this. And maybe he had to go before he made it worse. "I'm sorry...for all I said. I have too much on my mind, and I directed my anger at that man I can never have respect for, and it affected you. It came out wrong." Eoin was rising to his feet, taking a few trinkets from the floor with him to place back on the desk. "But it's because I think highly of you, Nem. And I believe others would feel the same if you allowed them. If you tried." It could be hard to take chances of any kind again...but if you didn't, what was the damn point of living? Before he made things even worse, he turned his apologetic gaze away from her to leave the room. Leave the manor. He didn't deserve the luxury after this. He'd find somewhere to stay, meet Alexandria tomorrow, and figure out what the hell to do with the rest of his life. [d]



[NEMERIS] She sat there, silent then as Eoin spoke to her, apologizing, admitting he thought highly of her and she couldn't understand why. He spoke to her as though it were easy for her to change who she was and how she lived. How could she trust others anymore, anyway? It wasn't that easy. But then again, it had been different, maybe even nice having Eoin around and someone to talk to, though she'd not admit that. How had his anger and hurt suddenly turned around to hers? Perhaps she could relate to his pain more than she or he thought.

As he stood and began walking away, Nemeris grabbed hold of his wrist tightly, preventing him from walking out. "Please don't leave." She spoke quietly, almost inaudible. Despite everything, she did not want him to be out on his own. Or maybe she didn't want to be left alone. [d]



[EOIN] No, it was never easy to change. Sometimes it was impossible, sometimes one is forced to change against their will. The hardest part was changing into the person you want to be, and having the strength to do so. Not hide away in an empty manor...or threaten to chop down an entire forest in your frustration. Eoin halted when he felt that small hand grab his wrist, but he was almost hesitant to turn around to look at her. Even when she softly pleaded. He didn't know if this was a truce. If she didn't actually want to be alone. He didn't know, but eventually he turned back around to kneel in front of her. "I know you feel as if you need to shroud yourself in darkness, that you're afraid to step back into the light..." he spoke quietly, clearly speaking from experience. It was the same thing he was struggling with. He may have made up his mind on seeing Alexandria, but he knew whatever came afterward would either make or break him. And he wasn't prepared, but he had no choice. The only choice he had was how he handled the aftermath, and it would certainly be a slow process. "That you're afraid to take a chance, on anything again. But you should. This-" He lightly gestured to the mess around them but also referencing the empty manor as a whole. "This isn't living, because...I do believe you are capable and deserving of so much more. But the path is never one-way. The coin is never one-sided." Now he was rambling when all he was trying to say was that she should take that chance again. To show her face at court, to really live. And his own words were ever so slowly beginning to remind him of the same thing, he just couldn't so easily accept them after only a day. [d]



[NEMERIS] It wasn't easy to accept Eoin's words whether it had only been a day, a year, or several years. Especially if you had locked yourself away, avoided truths and hid in the dark loneliness for so long. It was all Nemeris knew to do, so how could she change now? She couldn't look at him while he spoke, and even shortly after. "I know..." she finally said, defeated. "But I don't feel as though I do deserve more than this." She shook her head. "How can you say that about me, when you don't even know..." she lifted her hands to wipe away her tears and push strands of her hair out of her face. Nemeris did not see anything good about herself, perhaps that had been the real reason for allowing Brennus to use her and treat her poorly, because she felt she hadn't deserved anything more than that. And maybe she never would. How could Eoin be so sure? [d]



[EOIN] Although she couldn't look at him, he was watching her closely; his guilt just weighing him down further. Although his words had been spoken from the heart, they had come out during his anger and confusion, so they had been all wrong. He wished he could take them back and somehow try again. "I know enough," he answered her, sounding so matter-of-fact. Sure, he didn't know everything there was to about her, but...maybe he felt like he didn't need to. He saw enough to make this judgement. She could take it however she wished. Easing his wrist from her grasp, he moved to pick up some more things and place them back onto the desk. "You keep forgetting that you were the only one, out of an entire castle, to treat me like me...and not some ghost or figment of the imagination." He shrugged a shoulder. "Hard for me not to think highly of you." [d]



[NEMERIS] Grey-blue eyes shifted to look at him when he claimed he knew enough. Brows furrowed in confusion, as she really did not know how to take his words, then. Had she really given him enough to go by to make him see the good in her? She let his wrist go and let her hand drop to her lap, watching him as he picked things up. "No... just leave them..." She wanted to get rid of everything, anyway. It was not worth keeping his things around here anymore, anyway. He was never coming back--she had seen his lifeless corpse on the shore. They had given him a funeral. He was gone. At Eoin's next words, she stared at him and shook her head. "But you forget... I do... I can see ghosts... Even if you were a ghost, I would have treated you the same." She smirked slightly some faint humor seeping back out of her. "How do I even know you're not a ghost now?" She raised a brow at him as if asking him for proof now, that he truly was alive. One could not be too sure. [d]



[EOIN] Sighing softly when she told him to stop, he did so, but suddenly felt strange kneeling there so idle. He'd been idle for a year and felt like he had to keep moving, lest he go insane. But at her attempt at humor, mentioning something about seeing ghosts...he actually froze. He actually looked at her, wondering if it were possible that he was...well, dead. Lips parted, trying to find something to say, but he was stammering and unsure. "If I was, then...everyone else wouldn't...have seen me?" He was trying to find actual logic in this, and that was kind of scary. [d]



[NEMERIS] She caught that slight panic in his features as if he were contemplating if he were actually dead. She laughed quietly and nodded. "Relax, Eoin... You're not dead. Everyone else saw you, yes... I was kidding." She extended her hand out to him. "Help me up, please." When she stood, she glanced around the room. "Please take whatever you could use in here... I am getting rid of everything else." She sighed and looked at him, placing her hand on his shoulder, squeezing it lightly. For a moment, she said nothing, and instead, just looked at him, contemplating her words. "Thank you for being here for me, even in your time of need... And I am sorry for how I acted." No one had really seen her break down before--except for maybe him. First when she had found Brennus dead, and then now. She sighed and shook her head. "If you were dead, you would not be able to feel... My hand would have no weight on your shoulder... Your cheek would not feel my kiss..." She leaned forward and placed a quick and gentle brush of a kiss to his cheek, before she stepped away from him. "Dinner is ready. Come down and eat with me." And before he could protest, she was stepping out of the room. [d]



[EOIN] Seriously, though! He legit panicked for a moment there. But all of a sudden, she was playing jokes on him. Anyone else may have been offended, but he looked at it this way- she was joking and no longer breaking down into tears. He'd take it. Considering all he ever seemed to do was tease her since his return. A coping mechanism, maybe. "Right...right, of course," he stammered before helping her up to her feet. Even though she offered, he'd not take anything from that room. Eoin didn't exactly want anything that may have been Brennus'...but in actuality, he just didn't need anything. "Don't apologize, Nem. Truly." He hadn't made it easy for her, and he was still going to carry the blame. Her next words gave him pause as she so delicately proved that he was, in fact, not a ghost. Gray eyes crinkled slightly. "Good to know..." he muttered quietly, a hint of amusement returning. But, before he could say or do anything more, she was letting him know dinner was ready...and it didn't seem like much of a request as it was a demand that he join her. Mouth opened to speak, but all he could do was watch her exit the room, leaving him standing there among the mess she had made. Nemeris told him not to clean it up, but he would bend down to do so anyway before proceeding downstairs. [d]



[NEMERIS] She had been a little glad he hadn't instantly followed her down. It gave her a moment to clean up her face and fix the unruliness of her hair, and to try to put herself back together and calm her composure. She had been holding all of that in her for quite some time, and sadly Eoin had been the one to receive the wrath of it all. Though, he had provoked it himself... Even when all she had done was help him. But it was done and over with now, and though Eoin would still blame himself, she wouldn't. He had been right about most of what he had said, she just hadn't wanted to hear it from someone else's lips.

Quietly, she moved through her kitchen, pouring some stew into a couple of bowls and setting them on the table, along with some unburnt bread and some wine. The meal was actually one that she had gotten good at making, and the bread she had watched closely while Eoin was chopping wood. She wouldn't be serving him some brick bread this evening. Once everything was set, she waited quietly, leaning against the counter, thumbing through her new poetry book and wondering if he would come down or not . [d]



[EOIN] He was hesitating now. Although she seemed to have forgiven him in some way, he couldn't bring himself to be okay with that. He didn't like what happened, what he said, how he had said it. He was so confused and conflicted over numerous things now that he took this time cleaning the room up to try and clear his head. Eventually, though, he knew he had to go downstairs. The fact that she asked him not to leave was the only thing keeping him there now, but he was quiet when he finally entered the kitchen; the smell of stew and fresh bread assaulting his nose and making his stomach rumble. He noticed she was reading that new book of hers, and his eyes crinkled softly in amusement. "It smells good," he spoke up, referring to the stew, not knowing what else to say. [d]



[NEMERIS] She should have just let him go. A part of her, maybe earlier in her time in Aralore, she would not of asked him to stay, and she wouldn't have cared or worried for him. But things were different. She was different. Even if just a little. He had no where else to go now and she knew all too well what it was like to be lonely. She wouldn't allow him to suffer that. Just as he seemingly was trying to convince her that she didn't need to live like that.

When he finally came down, she looked up from the book and nodded her head towards the set table, motioning him to sit. She placed the book down on the counter and moved to the table to sit down. "I didn't burn anything." She said in a joking defensive tone. [d]



[EOIN] People could change. Sometimes it was for the better, sometimes it was for the worst. And sometimes, a person had to want to change. That was the hardest part of all. He knew he had changed in many ways, yet he was still trying to figure out if that was a good or bad thing. Slowly taking a seat, trying not to appear as horribly awkward as he felt, he grinned lightly at her comment. "I can see that. I guess you can teach an old dog new tricks." The moment his joking words left his lips, his eyes went wide, as though he hadn't wanted to say that. As though he expected her to kill him for that one. He wondered if he could outrun her...[d]



[NEMERIS] Yes, it may have been awkward, but Nemeris seemed to ignore it quite well as if it weren't an issue at all. She sat down at the table with him and tore a piece of bread off of her slice and was about to put it in her mouth, but Eoin was making that comment and her mouth dropped open in mockful shock, as if offended. She threw that piece of bread at him and laughed. "Old dog!? First off..... " she shoved his arm lightly, "I am not the one with little grey hairs!" She motioned to his hair. "And secondly, you should know not to ever call a woman a dog!" She narrowed her eyes at him and lightly shoved him again. "Take it back." She laughed quietly and shook her head at him, "besides... I said I didn't burn anything....Doesn't mean it tastes good..." [d]



[EOIN] Yep. There it was. His death was imminent. First he makes her cry, and then somehow manages to call her an "old dog". Smooth, ranger. Smooth. He was stuck between his embarrassment and laughter, not sure which direction to go as she began to berate him (albeit jokingly, it seemed). That piece of bread bounced off his forehead and landed somewhere near his bowl. "Ow..." he murmured. Then she said something that made his eyes widen again, and may have only been half in jest. "I have...grey hair?!" How many years had he aged in, well, a year! A hand filtered through that messy mane as if that would help the grey disappear magically. Take it back. "Nope," he answered defiantly after she had shoved him before eyes dropped to the food. He picked up that piece of bread she had chucked at him and dunked it into the broth before popping it into his mouth. Seemed okay to him! [d]



[NEMERIS] Her eyes narrowed at Eoin but she laughed at him. Yes, he had a bit of grey in his hair, but it really wasn't too bad. She shook her head at him and watched as he ate the piece of bread she had thrown at him. She picked her spoon up and took her first bite. "Mm...not bad if I say so myself..." she smirked and shrugged her shoulders before taking another bite. Grey-blue eyes fell back on him and she pointed her spoon at him. "I can cut your hair and pull out all the greys if you'd like?" She rose a brow curiosity. "You're single now... Now you need to worry about trying to impress the ladies again. Hmm?" She knew it would probably be too soon to joke about such a thing, but seemingly, neither one of them cared about the other's feelings right now. [d]



[EOIN] It was good. Of course, any cooked meal right now would taste absolutely delicious to him, but he didn't say it because those words would certainly be construed wrongly. She could probably guess that he was enjoying it because he had suddenly gotten quiet, only lifting his attention back to her when she mentioned pulling out his hair. He cringed at that, prepared to say something when she continued...and his expression faltered. Well, he deserved that one, didn't he? Eoin couldn't be mad, but that didn't mean the sting of it didn't linger. "Heh, right," he murmured with a false huff of laughter. He stabbed at a carrot with his spoon. "I'm too tired for such things right now." He tried to joke but it fell a little flat. At least he was trying not to let it bug him, because it was going to be a blatant reminder tomorrow when he saw the queen. [d]



[NEMERIS] She could tell her words affected Eoin, but she didn't say anything else about it, except when he mentioned he was too tired. "Too tired to have your hair cut?" She raised a brow. "You'd just need to sit there and I'll do all of the work." She shrugged her shoulders and continued to eat her stew, not saying anything further. She had only been joking about him trying to impress ladies again. She knew it would be too soon for him, and perhaps it was a horrible joke, but he did kind of deserve it. And now there would be that awkwardness between them again, so Nemeris took another piece of bread and threw it at him again. "Sorry," she said simply, but not about throwing the bread. Hopefully, he'd pick up by her tone that she was sorry for making the too soon of a joke. [d]



[EOIN] That had't been what he meant, but he let her keep talking because he wasn't sure if he wanted to repeat it. It would make him sound pathetic, most likely. But after that silence lingered and they idly kept themselves busy with finishing their dinner, he was about to speak up...when another piece of bread came flying at him. An exaggerated sigh, he picked it up. His mouth didn't know whether to smile or not. "I meant-" Eoin started to say, flicking the food right back at her. "That I'm too tired to...try and..." How did she put it? "Impress anyone." Although it had been a year for Alexandria, it wasn't so much the case for him. It felt almost as if time had been suspended for him, which was why it was making this all strange and hard to deal with. [d]



[NEMERIS] He didn't really need to explain, because Nemeris already knew--she felt the same way-- yet he had just been giving her a hard time about needing to open up and try again and give others a chance. He'd need to take his own advice at some point. Of course not right now, because in his mind, he had still been devoted to Alexandria, and probably still was, despite everything. He would need to find closure and she hoped that he would find it by going to speak with her. She smirked slightly as he threw the bread back at her and she shook her head. "Then don't." She spoke simply. "The person you are with should not care or need to be impressed, I imagine..." She shrugged her shoulders and sighed. "But... One day at a time.. I was only teasing. No one expects you to...Move on right away... Or ever if you didn't want to...but then I'd call you a hypocrite..." She took another bite of her food, noticing his bowl was almost empty. "There is a lot more in the pot on the stove.. help yourself..." [d]



[EOIN] The only difference between them was, that he would actively seek out people to be around. Fortunate to have a love or not, Eoin had been a clansman- he thrived in a group, around people. To him, being a loner felt wrong. Nemeris wanted to hide herself away in this empty manor for reasons he would never understand...but it wasn't his place to. That was her choice, and he wouldn't' say more on the matter. But as for finding another who might hold his heart...no, it was too soon. It had only been a day for him, technically, and he didn't know when that wound would heal. At her mention of there being more food, he promptly got up to scoop some more into his bowl. "I still need to remind myself at times..." he said openly, quietly. "It just...feels strange. Knowing that I'm not there at her side, how I used to be..." When things were tearing him away from her side constantly. Looking back on that, he realized how unfair that was, but thus was the casualties of war. [d]



[NEMERIS] She was silent as he got up to refill his bowl, and she continued to eat her own until he was speaking again. He was explaining how she had once felt after Brennus was gone, and she realized that his situation was not much different--despite Alexandria still being alive, but that part of her was dead to Eoin now, unfortunately--and he would need to learn how to live his life without that now. Just as she had. "One day at a time..." She reminded him quietly. It was really all he could do at this point. And she would help him through it the best that she could. She regarded him carefully and forced a small smile. "I know it feels strange and painful... But in time, it will get better...Easier, maybe..." She shrugged. Until someone reminded you of how stupid you were for loving them in the first place. [d]



[EOIN] At least she wouldn't have to watch that prick be with someone else...even if that had, apparently, been his intention to begin with. Anytime he thought about it, it only angered him, confused to him till no end to know that Nemeris had somehow loved him. Even after all of that. But, sometimes, love was stupid. It was strange. It was random and questionable. It wasn't his problem, so he had to let it go. He had his own love life to sort through. "Right..." he answered simply as he sat back down. What more was there to say to that? This conversation had come full circle, and there was little more he could do about it. He'd get worse tomorrow, for certain, before it could start to get easier. One day at a time. [d]



[NEMERIS] Love was stupid and strange. She couldn't explain why or how she had fallen in love with Brennus--there was more to it than she could begin to try to explain- It had been complicated and maybe a bit deranged. Regardless, it was over now. And they needed a change in subject now, because it was beginning to become full circle and there really was nothing else to be said about it. Quietly, she stood up and stepped over to the counter, retrieving her poetry book before she sat back down and thumbed through the pages until she found something. And she read it aloud to him.

My thoughts hold mortal strife; I do detest my life, And with lamenting cries Peace to my soul to bring Oft call that prince which here doth monarchize: But he, grim grinning King, Who caitiffs scorns, and doth the blest surprise, Late having decked with beauty's rose his tomb, Disdains to crop a weed, and will not come. When she finished reading, she put the book back down and took another bit of her stew before looking back at him. She wasn't sure the poetry helped, because she felt even more awkward now. "Tell me about the journal book I found of your people?" [d]



[EOIN] He didn't know what else to say, and maybe there just wasn't anything. Things were quiet and maybe awkward, but he'd take that over crying and yelling any day. Eyes lifted from his bowl when she started to read from that book, already trying to make his mind decipher the meaning. I do detest my life... Those eyes crinkled lightly, barely a smile as he went back to eating until she asked him that question. "Fragments of history of my clan. Words of wisdom. Lessons. All written by every leader and passed on down to the next." Only, there weren't any of them left. [d]



[NEMERIS] No, she was done with crying and yelling now. The moment had passed and as long as Eoin wasn't bringing it up again, she had moved on from it. "Oh..." she responded, nodding. "Well, I'm glad you have it back, then." She sipped at her wine, then and ate more of her stew, falling silent again for a while, just keeping her gaze down into her bowl. Finally, she spoke quietly, "what would you like to do this evening?" [d]



[EOIN] A part of him wanted to spend the rest of the night just reading through that journal, but...a part of him thought it probably wouldn't be the best of ideas. The loss of his people was still a wound that would never heal. Eoin knew he could get over Alexandria and everything else...but not that. These thoughts were running rampant as the silence fell. In all honesty, he didn't realize that it got so quiet for however long. It wasn't an awkward silence to him, really. But he was snapping out of that reverie when she spoke up, and he blinked. "I, uh...I don't know. Should probably get to that roof before it gets too dark," he suggested. And before it rained, which it inevitably looked like it might still. [d]



[NEMERIS] She did not mind the silence at all, because she was used to it. Used to nothing but silence, unfortunately. So she didn't seem to notice until he finally answered her. She nodded slightly. "I suppose.. If you want to. Or it can wait-- it's already been over a year with it needing to be fixed. There's no rush." She shrugged her shoulders. "But I'm sure you want to get away from me, right?" She smirked. Really, she wouldn't blame him-- she wasn't the greatest of company. Standing up, she picked her empty dishes from the table and carried them over to the counter by the basin and started to wash them. [d]



[EOIN] "A year, and I'm surprised it hasn't caved in yet," he said. It was spoken in jest, but really, he was surprised. Then she was making that comment, and if he hadn't looked up to see her smirk, he might have worried that she actually meant it. "Or, you know...you could come up and help me...?" It was a question, but it was also a serious suggestion. Wouldn't hurt to learn something like that. [d]



[NEMERIS] Eoin was suggesting something that seemed so far fetched to her, that she laughed out loud. But when she saw his serious expression, she let her smile fade and she raised a brow. "Really? Me? On a roof?" She laughed again. "You want me to get killed, don't you? Eoin! What have I done to deserve such treatment?" She was obviously joking, and that was evident on her features. She finally shrugged her shoulders. "I suppose I could," She finally said. [d]



[EOIN] He rolled his eyes in a jokingly, exaggerated way. "Well, if you're not going to hire servants to maintain this place, you better get your ass up onto that roof." That was still a good point, even if it was made in jest. He chuckled, finishing the last piece of his bread. "You suppose?" He shared a fake sigh, joking again. "No, 'oh, thank you, Eoin, for helping me with this dusty, ol' house! The least I could do is hold a light up for you.'?" Because that's basically what she's going to be doing. [d]



[NEMERIS] She laughed again and glanced around the room. Servants. It had been a while, and she wasn't sure about whether or not she wanted them. She sighed. "Can't I just call upon you now to help me?" She smirked and batted her eyelashes as if that would be enough to convince him. "You're the one that wants to fix the roof in the dark... I told you it could wait another night." Her arms folded over her chest and she shrugged. "Let's go then... If I fall, though, I'll come back to haunt you..." [d]