Let's Try This Again

[Sebastian Arcturis]

He'd not seen Rosemary for a few days. They hadn't talked much since the ambush (Sebastian had stopped thinking of it as a party rather quickly, considering he had been displeased with the set up from the start and advised his father against it, but he hadn't pushed the idea because stupid idea or not, his father was King and did not have stupid ideas).

Sebastian had been present at the castle quite a lot, but if he he wasn't actively working through patrols or organizing patrols, he was training or investigating mystic claims and setting up scouting missions and search and capture missions. Leading two full time jobs and part time lives was difficult. It didn't leave much room for socializing. Or sleeping for that matter.

It meant he hadn't had a nightmare in a while, considering any sleep he did get was due to long hours of overworking himself so he was dead to the world for those precious few hours. But he wanted to talk to quite a few of the nobility. To reaffirm their safety in the castle. And not at all because he had any sort of care for them. Probably.

He paused outside Rosemary's door, not certain she was there. More uncertain if he should knock. And the most uncertain of what he would say to her if she did answer. So he just stood there for a long moment, hand against the door frame. He wasn't internally debating anything. Sebastian didn't have such conflicts with himself. There was no question of if he should knock, just a matter of when. He stood in the hall, half turned, as if watching the scene with the snack in the box play out over again in his head and following the logic that had brought him to this moment.

Maybe...maybe he should talk to her later. In the gardens. Yes. That would be a better idea. Much more public, less uncertainty, much clearer on his friendship status and off of comfort than the comfort that approaching the door to her rooms suggested. After sleeping with her, he didn't want to make her uncomfortable.

Rosemary McIntyre

[Rosemary McIntyre]

Rosemary was still feeling trapped--perhaps even more so, now that things had gone from her own private problem to everyone and their brother knowing her business. Or, what was worse, everyone thought they knew her business when really they had it backward and inside out. She wasn't sleeping with Sebastian in the way that people thought, she wasn't ruined in the way that people thought, she wasn't in the danger that people thought… It was exhausting.

Having her mother aware of what Magnus had done to her had been something that frightened Rosemary half to death since the day it happened. Now that it was out, though, she found that her mother's reaction had been just the opposite of her father's scathing disbelief. Emilia McIntyre had immediately jumped to her aid and her defense, and frankly, Rosemary was worried what might come of it not for her own sake, but for cousins'. She was terrified of Magnus, certainly, but if Emilia managed to send all the cousins after him...who would wind up dead? Him? Them? Her? This was part of the reason she'd kept it hidden so long. Even the one person who'd stumbled into it by mistake hadn't known the whole story. But...she was beginning to think that he needed to know.

She shouldn't have asked him to stay, that night. It was a bad idea from the beginning. She just...she hadn't wanted to be alone, as simple as that. And she did like Bastian… But from there it all became so complicated she still hadn't untangled her emotions, even after talking with Cera and mulling things over on her own for a few days.

And yet….she was procrastinating on speaking with him. She just felt ashamed of herself for being so capricious, and to not only apologize for that but to admit the reason why….? It was going to be a difficult conversation.

She was still intending to procrastinate by taking a book out into the gardens, but when she opened the door, already moving to go out it, the person she'd just been thinking about was already standing there, looking just as preoccupied as she felt. She hopped backward sharply to keep from slamming face-first into his chest. Immediately her face began to turn red as she recalled the last time he'd been in her room, the start of a blush that would seep all the way to the tips of her ears.

"Bastian!" she exclaimed, her voice skipping upward an octave in her surprise, and clutched her book to her chest. "I--um--hello!" she stammered as she struggled to regain her wits. "U-um… Walk with me? I um, I was going to the gardens."

[Sebastian Arcturis]

Although a bit surprised, Sebastian had the presence of mind and reflexes to take a step back from the opening door so that he wasn't in the way.

"Lady McIntyre," he greeted quietly and much more formally. Not that he particularly minded she used his name. Well, a shortened version of his name. It was actually...interesting, considering people he felt...close too used it. Entirely separate from each other. He actually really liked it.

He hesitated to say more, having already startled her and not wanting to impose further, waiting for Rosemary to collect herself. She at least looked physically well, after everything that had happened.

The Captain nodded. "Of course," he said easily. His stiff bedside manner remained, however. Especially because he wasn't quite so sure where their ruse had left off as it had been a while since they last spoke. Very little had come of the attempt, though Bastian hoped to have at least proved some peace of mind. He kept a good amount of distance between them. "You have been...well since the party, I hope?" He asked. Actually starting a conversation. While most of his question was sincere, it was clear the word 'party' was politely taking the place of some other word.

[Rosemary McIntyre]

Alright, that was a start, at least...although the fact that he'd called her by title made her feel as if she'd misstepped. She ducked her head and watched the floor ahead of her as she began the walk to the garden, reluctant to look up at him while she was embarrassed.

"You've been...well since the party, I hope?"

Rosemary almost laughed. The party? That sounded a bit off, even from him. But what else would you call it? The attack? The incident? That mess? She swallowed the strange laughter, though, and tried for an honest answer.

"Honestly? My family was a good deal more shaken by my being there than I was." She smiled ruefully and shook her head at the memory. "I wasn't hurt, just frightened." How many people had asked after her at the get-together? Three? Four? She'd lost track. She was sure Mama had been fielding just as many inquiries as herself. And still… she hadn't mentioned to anyone what she thought she'd seen that night. Or not what, but who. The memory of those familiar eyes glinting above the black mask… It had been haunting her nightmares ever since.

"And you? I heard several members of the guard were injured…" And yet she'd been too shy and too overwhelmed by everything going on to seek him out. Shame on her. She ought to be a better friend to him, even with all this going on. She glanced up at him and nervously tucked her hair behind her ears. "Are you alright?"

[Sebastian Arcturis]

Hearing how worried her family had been spoke well of them. Though, considering what he knew of how connected her family was to others, he imagined it was a bit overbearing to field so many people asking after her. "Then perhaps I should be glad you survived your family as well?" He asked seriously.

Frightened. Sebastian frowned a bit at the word. Considering everything she had already confided in him about, the captain highly doubted a hail of arrows presented the same type of 'fright' to the woman. Not to say such things were not scary, but he imagined Magnus consumed most of her concerns. "Was there something specifically frightening?" he asked. Though the question itself was blunt, it was actually quite a gentle approach.

"Baird was shot in the leg. He is alright." Better than alright really, since he got to be home with his family for a while. Some of his other men were hurt as well, mostly from arrows, though only one or two were nobility or high enough profile for anyone besides him to care. Thankfully line of duty injuries paid a lot better than injuries in training.

Was he alright? Sebastian had taken a few scratches in the ambush, like many, but nothing much. But he was avoiding the question on purpose. He wasn't alright, but it had little to do with the ambush. He'd been healed well enough that wasn't so noticeable unless someone knew where to look.

[Rosemary McIntyre]

"Then perhaps I should be glad you survived your family as well?" He asked seriously. Rosemary laughed behind her hand and nodded.

"Was there something specifically frightening?" he asked. Rosemary paled at this question. Of course, there was something, or rather someone, that had frightened her particularly. But if it really had been who she thought it was, it only left her even more trapped than before. If she outed him as a mystic, and not just any mystic, but one of those instigating such violence, what was to stop him from revealing that she was one as well? That her whole family was? They'd be dead before dinner time if the king heard, evidence or no evidence. And Bastian may be a friend, but he was also bound to his job.

On the other hand, she was a terrible liar. Better to tell the truth as best she could without admitting too much.

"Ah… I thought I saw our mutual problem, in all the confusion. He was close enough to reach out and grab me, for a moment." She shuddered at the thought of Magnus's fingers on her skin. Where once she might have welcomed his touch, now the thought made her sick to her stomach. "However, here I am, safe and sound." She smiled weakly in an attempt to demonstrate that she was just fine.

"I'm sorry to hear Baird was hurt, though..." she added with a frown. "Do you think his family would enjoy some flowers? Or some early spring fruits and vegetables perhaps?

[Sebastian Arcturis]

He could tell the moment he said it that there had been more than just the general animal fear of the attack. He could also tell she didn't want to bother him with it. Only he wasn't bothered at all. He was more bothered she didn't feel safe enough to talk about it. Perhaps that was his fault.

Their mutual problem. Ah, yes. Had Bastian recognized the man half so well as Rosemary, he might have realized he too had come into near physical contact with their mutual problem. "I am glad you are safe," he said.

It was interesting, to have her confirm he had been among those of the attack. It was, in fact, more than enough evidence for him to confront the man. Yes, she had mentioned he had some power before, but that he had attacked the King and the Princess and their guests? Before, it had been a personal matter Rosemary wished to keep private. But now... "That is a serious accusation, my Lady," he said heavily, looking over at her. He did not for a moment question the truth of her words. He simply wished her to know he was now obligated to move on that information. In fact, he was more than willing to do so.

Sebastian had not, in fact, considered sending the man or his family anything. "He will mend soon enough," he said, thinking for a moment. Flowers did not seem very practical unless she meant some sort with medicinal properties, not that Baird or his wife likely knew how to handle such things. "His wife bakes pies. The savory sort," he explaining, hoping that was helpful.

[Rosemary McIntyre]

This time, Rosemary did more than just look nervous--she nearly tripped over her own feet at Bastian's jump from "I saw him" to "he's with the Unseelie." She'd been very careful not to say that! She hadn't said anything about a mask, or about the Unseelie; she hadn't even said the word attack!

"I never said he was--" she blurted out, panic driving her voice quite a bit louder than she intended. She cut off and then continued sheepishly, but definitely more quietly. "I'm not even sure it was him in the first place. I've been so paranoid lately that I keep thinking I see him in the halls, in the gardens, wherever I go. In all likelihood, it was just some random person with similar eye color." It was a poor argument, honestly, but she wasn't going to make a formal accusation if she could avoid it.

She nearly missed his comments about Baird's family, but she managed to vaguely understand that something useful would be better than something that was just pretty. She could certainly do that.

[Sebastian Arcturis]

Considering they had just been talking about the ambush frightening her, he had made that step. Or leap. It didn't seem like a leap to him, at least not until Rosemary seemed to think so. He was simply designed to look at threats. If Rosemary had seen Magnus before the attack, from everything she told him and her behavior as he knew it, she would have left. So she had therefore seen him during. But it had been a hectic moment.

He did not, for once, imagine she had only 'thought' she saw the man of her nightmares. As jumpy as Rosemary was and even though she had admitted to him that she was hearing things, seeing was much different. She was not insane. "I believe you saw him," he said, figuratively backing off from the subject. Clearly talking about it even now was a lot. "You would...prefer we get more proof?" He asked instead slowly, attempting to figure out what he was now supposed to do with the information the man who tried to kill him, harm her, and raped her might also be a heretic and traitor to the crown. Not that Sebastian needed any other reason.

He paused as they reach the garden and sough somewhere to sit down, settling himself with a soft groan onto a stone bench in a small hedge niche. "How is your family?" He asked, making an awkward attempt at interested small talk.

[Rosemary McIntyre]

"You would...prefer we get more proof?" He asked instead slowly

Rosemary nodded. "I don't...I wouldn't want to make false accusations. You know what he's already done, but to accuse him of being with them…"

"How is your family?" He asked, making an awkward attempt at interested small talk.

Her relief at the change of topic was obvious as she drifted next to the bench he'd chosen, looking at the leaves and early buds of the lilac bush nearby. She carefully channeled a bit of her nervous energy into it, just enough to give it a little boost, nothing that would be visible to the naked eye. That gave her a bit more relief, and her shoulders began to relax.

"They're well, most of them. The ah...excitement? at the party has them a bit distressed, since Aoife and I were attending and so many of my cousins are in various military branches. They're anticipating more trouble, now that things appear to be escalating." She shook her head, but didn't look up from the little flower bud she held between her fingers. Talking to plants was far easier than talking to people. Especially since he'd tried to make things less awkward, and she was about to undo that and then some. Sorry, Bastian...

"I um, I went and visited with my mother and brothers, and with my cousins some, too. Mother had heard about...um… about us spending time together." She glanced at him, nervous about how he might react. "I wound up telling her the whole thing. Or, well, the important bits. About the snake, and how we were trying to draw Magnus out. And...I also told her why I'm so frightened of him. She… she'd never known the truth. I hadn't told anyone."

Technically, Sebastian didn't know the whole story either. He must suspect, with the way she'd acted, but… She bit her lip and looked over at him again.

"I think...I mean, I feel like, maybe I owe you that explanation, too. If… if you want it."

[Sebastian Arcturis]

Sebastian wasn't entirely assuaged from pursing the man. It seemed strangely like Rosemary didn't want him to get involved. Didn't want his help. It was confusing, but he was used to people being concerned and overly cautious when it came to magic. Still, it hardly mattered whether Magnus was part of some faction or not. He was a dangerous mystic, one who had hurt a friend. That was enough.

Perhaps he should speak to Rosemary's family about the matter. Not without her blessing of course. The captain understood there might be...political implications for the family that they would not appreciate rash outside action. He wanted to help however, and not simply be cut out of the way because of inconvenience.

He nodded as Rosemary explained her family's apprehension. "I always anticipate trouble." As a guard to royalty, but also as a Warden when it came to mystics. He had been worried things were getting out of hand in the heart of the kingdom, but he was often trapped here, as were many of the wardens, being unable to amass the numbers needed to make significant raids. Not without calling attention or without the command of the king. But he was busy with this or that party and Sebastian was frustrated.

He pushed that aside, watching her take some solace in the greenery and flowers. He could almost feel with some animal instinct that she preferred being here to inside. He would have agreed with her, that talking to people was difficult, though he wasn't much for talking to plants himself.

The bench was not as comfortable as he would have hoped, but it was mildly better than standing. The pain in his side was distracting but not enough that he didn't hear where Rosemary's words were going. He met her gaze silently. He wasn't sure what to say. She seemed to expect him to say something. But she was entitled to explain herself to her mother and he wasn't the one put in an awkward place due to a prick of an ex-fiance. "And about you drugging me to sleep with you?" He attempted to make it a joke, because he entirely meant it as one and she was taking their conversation somewhere quite heavy and depressing. He smiled ever so slightly.

As she suggested she owe him an explanation however, the smile faded again. "Rosemary," he said her name slowly, not entirely sure why he needed to say it, but he wanted to. He felt like he had said this before, but even if he had, Sebastian wanted her to know. "You do not owe me anything." He pushed himself up from the bench and took a step toward her, reaching out hesitantly to brush her arm, intending to wrap her in a gentle embrace. "But if it would assuage some of your anxiety to speak, I would love to listen." He cared quite a lot for the young woman. Part of him did indeed want to know, both to comfort and to protect her. But part of him didn't need those things to care about her.

[Rosemary McIntyre]

:: TW: Abuse & Sexual Assault/Rape ::

---

"And about you drugging me to sleep with you?"

Rosemary's jaw dropped for a moment at the way he'd put it until she saw the slight smile on his face and she wound up laughing slightly. "Yes, that too."

She let herself be pulled into a hug and wrapped her arms around his waist to return it gently before she pulled free. He really was sweet, wasn't he? Even if he could be stubborn, and frustrating, and hard to read… He was a good man. She wished she could stay in the hug a little longer, but her skin was already crawling at the thought of the story she wanted to tell.

"But if it would assuage some of your anxiety to speak, I would love to listen."

She nodded. "I think… I think I need to. Mother said it wasn't my fault and I know she's right, really she is… But for so long all I could think was that it was. That I let him fool me, and I should have known what a monster he was from the beginning." She shook her head slowly, running out of words to describe her disappointment, and turned back to the flowers. It was a little too difficult to watch his face while she explained. She felt like she was waking up, almost, beginning to realize she didn't have to live that way. She knew better than to tell everyone what had happened to her, because polite society would still label her as used, ruined...but that didn't mean that those who genuinely cared about her would. Still, she couldn't help being nervous.

"You know he and I were engaged. At first, everything was lovely. It was like a dream--he brought me gifts, danced with me, made me laugh, made me feel like… Like I mattered. I thought maybe Father had been wrong all along, that I wasn't a failure. That maybe I'd just been waiting for the right person to think that a quiet little mouse like me was just as good as all the sparkling debutantes." Rosemary's eyes shifted out of focus as she stared at the flowers like she was looking past them into her memories.

"After a while...I started to notice that something was the matter. It was just little things at first--not liking when other people talked to me, not wanting me to dance with other partners...He liked when I wore red, or kept a red flower in my hair, and if I forgot, it was like I'd forgotten him. He would flare up in an instant, like an entirely different person. Someone terrifying." She shivered, not realizing she'd wrapped her arms around herself as if she was cold. "He'd lose his temper, and then he'd go back to being sweet, apologize, kiss the bruises and cuts, tell me he was sorry, that he just loved me so much he couldn't help himself. And I forgave him, every time."

"And then, one night, I realized that it wasn't that he was becoming someone else. It was that his mask was slipping. He really was that terrifying person. Everything else was just a lure. A lie, to draw me close." She hesitated and took a deep breath before she could continue.

"He had a knife. And he forced himself on me."

She was afraid to look up. She didn't think that Bastian was going to hold this against her--it was like she was arguing with herself. One side told her to look up, to see that it was alright, while the other just kept shouting at her about how broken she was, how dirty, how worthless. An endless list of insults and complaints, some in her voice, some her fathers, and even a few of Magnus's words mixed in.

It took a moment, but she made herself look back at Bastian. "That's why...That's why I panicked, the other day. I was fine one moment, and the next all I could think about was his hands, and that knife…" Her stomach rolled at the memory. "It wasn't anything that you did, I wanted to make sure you knew that."

[Sebastian Arcturis]

Sebastian stood there a moment longer. She had told him quite a lot already. About the scars and teeth marks Magnus had left on her. About trying to appeal to her father who didn't believe her, not from the scars on her neck or soul and hardly from the scars on her thighs. Rosemary had not told him the entire story and he doubted she ever would. Traumatic events like that were hard to relive and even harder to put into words. That he knew.

Last time, even with only the implication of assault (and not sexual assault but the captain would not have said he would be surprised for it to be both) he had kissed her. She had needed a hug then just like she needed one now. She had needed someone to listen to her and believe her then just like she needed now. Sebastian didn't handle his own grief and stress half so well as she did, but if talking helped Rosemary work through her feelings on the matter and come to terms, then he would be there.

He felt a bit odd standing there after a moment however and his side still hurt so he sat down as she explained how obsessively possessive the man had become. Forcing her to act and be something she was not, controlling everything until he did more than just control her, he forced himself on her. The man was a snake. From the little bit she had said before, he had known. Of course, he couldn't blame her for not knowing at the time. The captain wouldn't claim to understand love, but he did know that feeling of being *wanted*. It was hard to give up and easy to accept anything just to fill that space.

His dark eyes met hers went she finally looked over at him. "It was not anything you did either, Rosemary," he said. But he didn't mean about their night together. He meant about the night with Magnus. One of his fists tightened slightly. He could certainly arrest the man for rape. But that would entail dragging all of Rosemary's struggles and pain through the mud. He couldn't do that and call himself her friend. It was frustrating. How was he supposed to call himself her friend if he did nothing? He took a slow breath. Words. Most people used more words.

"Anyone who thinks less of you for what happened is a vain fool. What matters is that after all of that, you are still here. You are still you. Still a smart, beautiful, kind young woman that anyone should be proud of. I...care about you," he continued, offering her his hand. "I am sorry I frightened you. If there is something I can do to make the moment up to you, say the word." Though he would certainly try to do something else to help her feel safe.

[Rosemary McIntyre]

Rosemary's brow's knit, confusion written clearly on her face. Not anything she di--oh. Oh. Understanding grabbed her heart and squeezed. Her eyes misted over as he continued.

"Anyone who thinks less of you for what happened is a vain fool. What matters is that after all of that, you are still here. You are still you. Still, a smart, beautiful, kind young woman that anyone should be proud of. I...care about you," he continued, offering her his hand. "I am sorry I frightened you. If there is something I can do to make the moment up to you, say the word."

Despite the tears in her eyes, Rosemary smiled as she took his hand and squeezed it softly. "There's nothing to make up, truly. I...I have some growing to do, I think, before I'm ready for anything like that, with anyone." She glanced at the flowering bush and smiled, catching an unopened bud between the fingers of her free hand and gently tugging it forward so that he could see without her breaking it from the branch. "I haven't quite bloomed, yet, into who I can be. But I will."

She wished she could let her gramarye flow into the flower, let it blossom and share its fragrance with the world. But as much as she did trust Bastian, she couldn't do such a thing unless she was absolutely certain how someone felt about mystics. So far, that meant that only a single person outside her family knew. A single person who wanted to carve her flesh from her bones. It was ironic, really.

She sighed softly as she released the flower bud and turned back to smile up at Bastian. "I'm just glad to be able to talk about this, after so long. Thank you. For listening, but also for being a good friend to me. It means a great deal."

[Sebastian Arcturis]

It was Bastian's turn to be somewhat confused. He hadn't meant that he do anything like that. If she wasn't comfortable with a physical or emotional relationship, that was fine. The captain meant it. It would not bother him, one way or the other. He could still care about her and support her and if that meant taking a half step back, then he would happily do so. It was enough to know that she appreciated his understanding. At least, he thought so.

He nodded slowly at her words, watching the lady in waiting inspect the bud. Very likely it would bloom into a lovely flower soon, just like Rosemary would. It was...poetic, he supposed, but fitting considering her penchant for gardening.

"I am glad I could listen," he said, pulling his gaze back to her. He was less sure about how good of a friend he really was, but he did try. Certainly he was much better at listening than talking. Though now...after all that, he wasn't so sure what he should do next. Something to distract her, probably? Hadn't she said she wanted to come to the garden? "You said you wanted to come here before?" He asked. It wasn't exactly a great topic change.