He Doesn't Deserve You

[Soleil]

After seeing Nathaniel, she had this strong impulsive need to become involved in something deep down she knew she shouldn’t. But as a woman, she needed to protect other women from downfalls and heartbreaks, right? A real woman fixes the other’s hair rather than point out its flaws, right?

In all honestly, Audra hadn’t gotten over Nathaniel, despite her engagement to Thom. Or maybe she just hadn’t gotten over the hurt he had caused her. She couldn’t allow that hurt to happen to another fellow woman. Especially a lady with such a high status. Audra had learned that Alice was one of the ladies to the queen. A bold move, even for Nathaniel. Now he was reaching too high, apparently, and it made her sick to her stomach. He didn’t deserve anyone.

A week after the Yule ball and after doing some research and stalking, Audra found out what she could about Alice and where her place of residence was at the castle. It had been all too easy, really, since her husband was a guard at the castle. Thom had told her not to get involved, at first. But after Audra told her the things Nathaniel had done, he agreed that perhaps she should at least give Alice the warning and he helped her find a way to get in touch with the woman.

It was late afternoon and Audra wandered the halls until she came to Alice’s door where she placed a gentle knock and waited outside, a small basket of baked goods in her hands.

[Alice Calder]

Her morning had started at the crack of dawn as usual. There was barely a glimmer of light appearing along the horizon as her brown eyes stared out the tall window next to her bed. She still felt so fatigued, even a week later. The night of the ball had been exhausting and Alice was more than happy to have returned to normalcy. Still, as soon as she woke, her first thought was him. Sighing, she swung her legs over the side of the bed, stretching as she stood, removing her dark hair from its braid and tousling the curls apart. It didn’t take her long to ready herself and begin her morning routine.

By mid-afternoon, she’d excused herself from everyone else, returning to her own little space. She’d done this every day since the ball. Sometimes she napped, other times she just sat at the small table in the corner of her room, eyes closed as she quieted her mind. Today, however, her head ached and she rubbed her temples softly as she closed the door silently behind herself. Thankfully, her behavior was still normal to any outside eyes. It raised no suspicions when she suddenly decided to be off by herself, moving about the palace quietly, saying little when she was spoken to. She sighed again, this time much more heavily as she moved to the table and sat, groaning as she propped her elbows onto the surface, burying her face in her hands. Why couldn’t she rid her mind of him?

She didn’t know how long she’d sat there, only that she was content to remain exactly as she sat for as long as possible. A soft knock at her door made her lift her head, wrists falling limply as her elbows remained on the table. She rolled her eyes, wondering what could be so urgent that she was being disturbed. Straightening the skirt of her dark blue dress, she made her way to the door, opening it as calmly as she could manage. Despite her expressionless gaze, she was surprised to see Audra standing before her and not one of the other ladies. Her brown eyes looked to the basket then back to the woman. “May I help you?” Her voice was dry as she spoke, perhaps even monotonous - as she tried her best to hide the displeasure she felt.

[Soleil]

When the door was opened and Alice appeared from the other side, Audra displayed the friendliest smile she could manage. Was it genuine? Not at all, but she would try her hand at being sickly sweet if only to get a chance to speak with Alice and get her to believe what she had to say. She was almost certain that if the lady asked Nathaniel what her display was all about, that he probably fed Alice’s head with lies. Audra was here to fix that.

“Alice, is it?” She smiled and held the basket out to her. It was filled with various muffins and cookies. “I’m not sure if you remember me or not... We bumped into each other at the ball. Audra Laurent.” She placed her free hand on her chest as she said her name, her whole demeanor made her seem like she thought so highly of herself. “I was hoping we could have a little chat.” She gave Alice a sweet smile and then shook her head. “I realize that I may have come across poorly and rude when we bumped into one another… But…” She paused and looked down for a brief moment, as if ashamed with herself. “I just have bad memories… I am not very fond of mister Starke.” She let out an uneasy laugh and shrugged her shoulders before turning her attention back to Alice. “May I come in to talk? Or would you like to walk with me? There are some things I’d like to tell you that you might like to know… If you are thinking of having any kind of relationship with him, that is…”

When Alice allowed her in, she pushed past her and entered, instantly glancing around the room to get a better sense of what kind of person Alice was. There were a lot of things in one’s room that you could judge them by.
After the door was shut, Audra pulled a chair out from the table and plopped herself down without so much an invitation to do so, letting out an exaggerated sigh. “Forgive me... It was a long walk through the castle to get to you… Especially in these heals.” She laughed and leaned back in the chair, folding her arms over her chest as she regarded Alice, looking her up and down, perhaps to try and figure out what Nathaniel saw in her.

She let out another sigh and waited for Alice to sit before she would speak. “So… How did you meet our little Natey? How long have you been seeing him? Are you two serious yet?” She spurted the questions out with thick curiosity. She laughed and shook her head. “I’m sorry- I am a bit nervous…I am doing a big favor coming here to speak with you, you know… I don’t often seek out ex-boyfriend’s new love interests.” She lifted her hand and wiggled her fingers as if to indicate Alice as one of those love interests.

[Alice Calder]

“Alice, is it?” She lifted her chin as Audra spoke her name, eyeing her carefully, her expression giving nothing away. When she held out the basket, Alice’s eyes drifted to the goods before meeting the woman’s face again. One hand remained on the handle of the door, the other propping up against the door frame. She bit the inside of her cheek, pressing her lips into a hard line. She wasn’t sure she had the patience to deal with this.

“I realize that I may have come across poorly and rude when we bumped into one another..” That was an understatement. Alice resisted the urge to roll her eyes. Instead, they darted to the side, her arms folding across her chest as she regarded Audra with a hardened expression. Alice’s brown eyes were studying her carefully as she continued to speak. It had been crystal clear at the ball that Audra wasn’t fond of Nathaniel. Right now, Alice could say she felt the same about her. She asked to come in to talk then but also offered up the suggestion of a walk. “If you are thinking of having any kind of relationship with him, that is…” Alice moved to the side, motioning wordlessly for Audra to enter. When she pushed past, moving to the chair and sitting, Alice closed the door turning to face her.

Alice’s room was larger than most of the rooms at the palace. It was by no means the largest, but it was a comfortable size for Alice. Her bed was neatly made, everything in the room purposefully put into a specific place with what seemed to be careful consideration. Two bookshelves lined the wall next to her door and across from her bed, nearly overflowing with novels, educational reads and anything else that piqued Alice’s interest at any given time. A desk sat snugly between the bookcases, matching the dark wood of her bed frame and dresser. Everything was neat, clean, and organized without much to clutter the space. Spoiled as she may be, Alice was a minimalist when it came to her private space.

She watched Audra’s eyes look her over and this time, Alice gave her a firm look. When she spoke, Alice huffed a laugh, though the sound was humorless. She wanted to ask why this woman had shown up in the first place. She wanted her to get to the point so she could continue with her day and go back to trying to forget about Audra and Nathaniel, everything.

As if on cue with her thoughts, Audra questioned her about her relationship with Nathaniel. Just as she’d assumed, Audra didn't come here for pleasantries. This was about Nate. A smirked formed on her lips, though it was hardly a friendly expression. She moved to the table, sitting slowly, her eyes meeting Audra’s face with seriousness, never looking away as her hands folded on the surface in front of her. “I hardly think that’s any of your business.” Alice almost interrupted Audra’s questioning, nearly hissing the words but managing to maintain her calm, keeping her voice steady and firm as she spoke. When Audra apologized and spoke again, this time of how nervous she was, explaining that she didn’t usually seek out her ex’s new love interests, Alice leaned back in her chair, folding her arms across her chest again as her head tilted to the side. Dark eyes squinted only slightly as her head tilted, regarding Audra with a discourteous expression.

“A big favor, huh?” Alice’s words were dry as she spoke. She leaned forward on the table, arms folded on the top before she spoke again. “A favor to whom, exactly? Because from where I sit, this doesn’t exactly seem like a favor you’re doing for my sake.” She was nearly glaring now. “It feels like it’s more for you.” She leaned back in her seat again. “I am not one of his love interests. Does that make you feel better?” Alice asked her, narrowing her eyes as she tilted her head, letting an obviously fake smile spread across her lips.

[Soleil]

Well, this Alice wasn’t much of the friendly type now, was she? Audra stood there awkwardly as Alice didn’t move to take the basket from her. When she realized she wasn’t going to, Audra pulled it back up against her and held it in both her hands. She set it down on the center of the table before she had seated herself.

The lady hadn’t said anything yet to her, and she found herself wondering what Nathaniel even saw in her and how she managed to get by as one of the Queen’s ladies. With that kind of demeanor? Audra would have been a much better choice to serve the queen, but she wasn’t here to put the lady down or make her feel bad about herself. She could handle this Alice if she got through being with Nathaniel. Still, she couldn’t shake the slight feeling of jealousy as she glanced around Alice’s room. Everything was neat and tidy and she got to live within the castle and have a relationship with their queen. Now she was getting involved with Nathaniel- a man who had pushed her away- and no one pushed Audra Laurent away.

Alice finally spoke, claiming it was not any of her business. Of course, it was! Audra narrowed her eyes at the lady across the table from her and she shook her head. But Alice continued on, seemingly annoyed by her claiming that she was here to do her a favor. Audra looked at her with a surprised expression. How did this look like more of a favor for herself? She scoffed out a laugh. “Oh, darling...No no no…” She smiled sweetly and tilted her head to the side as she regarded Alice. “If you listen to what I have to say...You will realize that it is a favor for your sake… You’ve barely given me a chance to speak about it.” She frowned, though it was more like an annoying, bratty pout. “But I am relieved to hear that you are not one of his love interests yet. Means I am coming to you at the right time, then.”

She giggled, seemingly pleased with herself before she settled in her chair and let out another exaggerated sigh. “Well... I won’t waste too much of your time, so I will just get out what I’ve come here to say if you don’t mind. Might I just say...I wish one of his ex-girlfriends had come to me like this to warn me to stay away from him… It would have saved me from wasting six months of my life.” She rolled her eyes and folded her hands together and rested them on the table before she cleared her throat and began to tell Alice just what she would be getting into.

“The man is… Damaged. There is something just really wrong with him.” She frowned another pout and looked at Alice with what looked like a fake look of sympathy. “You probably won’t believe me right now...Because in the beginning, Natey is so sweet...He seems confident in himself, he’s charming and funny and will make you smile until you feel like your cheeks will fall off…” Audra grinned, a dreamy look in her eyes as she recalled the beginning stages of their relationship. She touched her cheeks as if to demonstrate her cheeks hurting. “He’s a true gentleman… Holds doors open, pulls out your chair, always puts you first. He’s gentle and sweet and never pushy. He’s perfect… And of course not bad on the eyes.” She laughed and let out a longing sigh. “So I get it, Alice... You probably don’t want to hear this...Or don’t want to believe me because there’s no possible way there seems to be anything wrong with him… But there is.”

She watched Alice for a moment, looking to see if she was listening if she had any sign of relating to any of what she was saying to her. “He has some pretty high walls around himself. He would never let me in. There was always this mysterious thing about him… This looming dark cloud… I’m not really sure how else to describe it…But I ignored it… I thought that I could fix him...Make him happy and he would forget and move on from whatever it was that seemingly bothered him.” Audra shook her head and rolled her eyes. “Boy was I wrong and foolish to think that.” She sighed dramatically and paused, looking at Alice again. “As things started to get serious between us...That’s when things started to go wrong. It was like he was embarrassed by me. He wouldn’t take me to see his family or introduce me to his friends. He would avoid me, it seemed like he just put those walls higher and higher. All he would ever do with me is hold my hand, hug me… kiss me. Boy is he a good kisser!” She rolled her eyes and then laughed. “But that’s it.” She cleared her throat and shifted in her seat nervously, or embarrassed. “I mean… I even tried to move things along once or twice. Every time, he just turned me down.. Had some silly excuse. He was tired… Sore from training all day... Had things to do, wasn’t feeling good.” She raised a brow as she looked at Alice with a suspicious glance. “Look at me. No normal man would turn this down!” She motioned to herself. “Still… I put up with it. I tried harder, I was sweeter and nicer to him… I did everything for that man, and he couldn’t even give me any sort of affection or intimacy. No matter how hard I tried.” She shrugged her shoulders and sighed again. “I don’t like to admit this… But.” Audra looked down and shook her head. “I even pinned him down on the bed once and sat on him… Tried undressing him…I wanted something from him...But he actually threw me off of him, making me fall off the bed and onto the floor. I will never forget the look he gave me… The rage that filled him… How he yelled at me like I was a misbehaved dog.” She breathed in a sob as she recounted the moment. “Told me he never wanted to see me again. He didn’t even help me off the floor or care that he hurt me… Just walked off like we had no history together whatsoever.” She pouted again and shook her head dramatically. “I was so furious with him… Humiliated…I needed to save my own dignity and reputation, of course… I couldn’t very well have him telling people the truth about why we were no longer together.” She looked down, ashamed. “I told them that he tried to rape me… He ended up getting arrested for a while, too. It’s not my proudest moment… But, he was so scary and deserved to be locked up. He has a bad temper.” She lifted her chin and sat straighter, throwing her shoulders back as if she were sitting on a strong backbone and that she had done society a favor. She was seemingly done her story as she let out a relieving sigh, as if she had just gotten a big thing off her chest and as she said, doing Alice a huge favor to help her avoid Nathaniel. "I'm honestly not sure how he managed to be released.  I tried to fight it...But no one would listen to me.  So now, I just try to warn any woman I see with him.  Us women don't deserve to be treated like that, ya know?" 

But then she was speaking again, rolling her eyes. “Honestly… I think he prefers men...But he's too scared to admit it... He'd lose everything he has worked so hard for.  So he courts women to put on the façade to save face.” She paused as if in thought. “Or maybe it just doesn’t work down there or something.” She laughed as if Alice were her best friend and she was spreading juicy gossip about a boy. Then she let out a dramatic, happy sigh. “But anyway… You should really consider spending any more time with him. Don’t let him trick you and woo you. He’s really not worth it.”

[Alice Calder]

Audra was quick to speak up again and Alice found herself already tired of this woman’s act. She caught herself rolling her eyes and sighing as Audra insisted that her visit was, in fact, not a favor for herself. She seemed far too pleased with herself as she sat there, seemingly prepared to tell Alice some grand tale. It was glaringly clear to Alice that this woman didn’t do things for others out of the kindness of her heart. No, she was the type who did things only when it benefited her in some way. So what could she possibly gain from this?

“Oh, spit it out already. I’ve better things to do than sit here and listen to you.” Alice replied, waving a hand dismissively, her voice surprisingly cool despite the ever-growing look of exasperation across her face.

“The man is… Damaged. There is something just really wrong with him.”

Alice raised a brow, looking Audra up and down and giving her a look of ‘so what?’ Everyone was damaged. There was something wrong with everyone. Some people were just better at hiding it than others. Audra continued and Alice raised both brows impatiently. She wanted Audra to get to the point. She wasn’t here for storytime. Still, Alice remained silent, her gaze never faltering, her expression never changing. Again, Audra was saying there was something wrong with Nate, and Alice tilted her head back, groaning her impatience. “Will you get to the point?” She asked loudly when Audra paused to watch her, her words hissing between her teeth as her head snapped to its normal position, brown eyes nearing hostile as they landed back on her unwelcome guest.

Alice’s face would show her nothing as she began speaking again. Her eyes seemed to be locked on Audra’s face, the woman carrying on as if Alice had invited her here for a pleasant afternoon chit-chat. The stare she wore was enough to make the bravest of men squirm in their seats. Her eyes were like fire as she listened to Audra. She didn’t care about any of this.

“Look at me. No normal man would turn this down!” Alice rolled her eyes again. But as Audra continued, she felt her heart begin to race and her brows furrowed, not in confusion at what Audra was saying, but in confusion that Audra hadn’t seen the mistakes of her own actions. If Nate had brushed her off multiple times like she’d said he did, then what did she think trying to force herself on him was really going to accomplish? Was she so blind to her own wrong-doings? She’d have treated her like a dog too, Alice silently admitted to herself. Now Audra was sucking in a sob and Alice chuckled softly at her, an unnerving sound when coming from her blank face. As far as Alice could tell, Nathaniel had done no wrong. Audra had pushed him. She’d brought it on herself. But as her guest continued on, Alice felt her heart sink and she began to hear a ringing in her ears. She stiffened her body to keep herself from shaking, her fingernails digging into her skin, jaw clenching and unclenching slowly, unnoticeably. On the outside, she was picture perfect calm. On the inside, her blood was already boiling and her heart had begun to beat so hard against her chest she felt it might combust.

“I told them that he tried to rape me… He ended up getting arrested for a while, too.” The ringing in her ears was so loud now that Alice tilted her head, an appalled expression across her face as her brows pulled together in sheer anger. “But, he was so scary and deserved to be locked up.” After that statement, Alice couldn’t hear anything over the high-pitched whine. It was deafening and she forced her mind to go blank as she watched Audra, focusing on keeping her breathing normal. She didn’t hear anything else that was said.

Alice's hands slammed on the table and she stood with such force that the chair she'd been sitting in was sent backward, hitting the floor with a loud thud that made Alice's headache worsen. She didn't care if she'd interrupted Audra or not. She couldn't sit here and listen to another word. Still, her voice was eerily calm. “What happened between you and Nathaniel is your fault. He turned you down, rejected you, was clear that he was not interested in having sex with you, but you-” She paused, pointing a finger in Audra’s face as she leaned across the table, one palm on the surface to balance herself. “-you pushed the issue and then worried more about your precious reputation than you did Nathaniel and his reputation.” She hissed. “You sunk so low that you told people he raped you. And all for what, Audra? All because you got your poor little feelings hurt? Because you got dumped?” Alice shoved the square table out of her way, causing it to slam into the wall. She’d moved to stand in front of her, looming over the woman threateningly as she leaned down. She placed her hands on either arm of the chair, bringing her face level with Audra’s. She smirked. “You're pathetic. An absolute waste of human space. You didn’t give a damn about him, only what he could do for you and your image.” She stood straight again, the same smirk on her face as brown eyes trailed over the woman again. “I’d have treated you like more of a stray mutt.” She lifted her chin and chuckled, her expression immediately hardening. “You came here and wasted my time today.” She said calmly as she walked to the door, holding it open.

“Get out.” The words were light as she nodded towards the door. Then, with much more power from her chest. “Get the fuck out.” She force of her yelling scratched at her throat, her voice echoing through the palace halls. If and when Audra made her way to the door, Alice swallowed hard. “Oh, and Audra.” She called, only when Audra had taken a single step through the threshold. “When it comes to me, I’d advise you to not stick your nose where it doesn’t belong. Better for your health that way.” She said, the threat clear in her tone though it sounded like she was just offering condescending advice. With that, she slammed the door shut, the force causing an echo to ripple through the hall as the walls shook. Her eyes were fixated on the top panels of the door as she breathed quickly and shakily, her small hands balled so tight into fists that her fingernails dug into her palms.

[Soleil]

Audra ignored all of Alice’s eye rolls and put off expressions. She interpreted it as her thinking she was just better than her and that she was uninterested in being friendly with her. Still, she felt she needed to get this out. Nathaniel didn’t deserve to be happy or to be involved with any other woman if he was going to treat them the same way he treated her.

“Oh, spit it out already. I’ve better things to do than sit here and listen to you.” Now it was Audra’s turn to roll her eyes. As if she didn’t have better things to do either? She was taking the time to protect this woman- a total stranger. She could at least be appreciative!

Audra ignored Alice as she told her to get to the point, and she continued on as if not fazed by the woman’s calm and uninterested demeanor. It wasn’t until Alice finally spoke up, not allowing her to get a word in, did Audra sit and stare at Alice, wide-eyed and in disbelief.

Her fault!? How was any of this her fault!? She was the victim here!
Alice’s abruptness in standing, her chair knocking over, and causing a loud sound startled her and made her jump in her seat. Her eyes widened a bit more as she regarded Alice.
Alice shoved her finger into her face and Audra narrowed her eyes at her, leaning back to try and get away from her finger. Was she really blaming her of all of this and standing up for Nathaniel?

She jumped again as Alice shoved the table from between them and loomed over her, not allowing her to get out of the chair. She leaned back, seemingly scared by the display of anger Alice portrayed. When she moved away, Audra quickly stood and placed her hands on her hips, laughing. “How dare you! I’d have you know my father is a very powerful man!” But her words were ignored as Alice spoke again.

“I’d have treated you like more of a stray mutt.” Her mouth flew open as if shocked by the statement. Rude! She was accusing her of wasting her time, which now angered her. “I wasted your time by trying to warn you of a monster who will hurt you too if you let him in too closely?… But then again… It seems like he has already roped you in and has gotten to believe his charm and act he puts on.” She rolled her eyes

Alice yelled at her to leave, and she let out a loud “Hmph!” as she walked towards the door, brushing her hair over her shoulder. She didn’t say another word but turned when Alice said her name. She raised a brow at the threat and scoffed before she turned again and disappeared down the hallway. What a waste of her time.