The Eye of the Storm

[Pearce Lockheed]

Pearce was quiet as Zander spoke. He took one of Zanders hands and kissed his palm and fingers and the back of his hand quietly, gaze remaining on Zander, even in the darkness. He did it both to comfort the boy and to stop himself from slipping back with the all too familiar words. This wasn't about him. Still, he couldn't help the understanding noise that left his throat.

"I'm so sorry, Zander." Pearce knew an apology from him meant very little, that he wasn't who needed to apologize. But he said it anyway. "You're not weak. No one will hurt you here." Training didn't leave someone so jumpy. Even harsh training. Pearce's own father had forced him to be a soldier, but that had been...more or less tame.

He ran his other hand through Zander's hair gently, wanting to take away the young man's shaking and discomfort and fear."I really care about you. A lot. I'd never hurt you. Or your sister. And you're very capable yourself. In spite of what that man said. You made it here. You are a soldier. You learned how to read. You have nothing to apologize for." Nothing to scream about anymore.

[Zander Brogthamon]

Zander took a deep breath as Pearce kissed his hand. Glad it was dark enough in the room to keep his face mostly hidden. The noise that left Pearce made the boy lean over to press a soft kiss on his jaw.

There was no need for him to be sorry. Zander no longer even cared to get an apology from his father, if the man was alive. That wasn't his life anymore and the only remnants of that life that remained were the scars on his body. "The scars on my back were punishment for him catching me kissing another boy. I wasn't allowed to have any friends after that, not that I was allowed to have many friends to begin with." He knew he was a good soldier and a better father figure to Briella than their own father had ever been.

"I care about you too. A lot." Zander held onto him and leaned in to kiss Pearce. Allowing himself to relax enough into the kiss to calm his trembling. "You really mean a lot to me."

[Pearce Lockheed]

Zander didn't need to say more or be specific. As much as Pearce longed to know, he would never demand. Still, knowing felt good. Because it solidified how much Zander trusted him. "You're beautiful. And I am grateful to have you as a friend." Grateful Zander was stronger than what his father had done to him and that he was still here.

It also made him wince. Knowing what the boy's father had done after finding out such a thing...it was painful. Small minded. Inhumane. Terrifying. It reminded him of his own father. Of things he had done in the same vein. Pearce bit his lip to keep his feelings in for the moment, but he could feel the tightening in his chest. The discomfort and stress. The noble squeezed Zander's hand and continued to play with his hair.

He smiled. "A lot," the man repeated with a nod, returning the kiss passionately. More than a lot. But right now wasn't the time for that conversation.

"Thank you for sharing," he said softly. "How can I help?"

[Zander Brogthamon]

It had taken him a long time to come to terms with his sexuality. Even now he was a bit insecure about liking men but he didn't want to be. Didn't want to be insecure about liking Pearce. There was that term again. Friend. It still didn't feel right. Obviously they were more than friends, at least he thought they were. Though they hadn't had any talk about what they were beyond that.


"Friend..." He repeated with a small unsure waver. Zander wanted to talk to him about things but that idea was scary. He didn't want things to change or become awkward. The boy liked the way things were now. Still.

When asked how he could help Zander smiled softly and shook his head. "Just having you here with me is help enough. I haven't told anyone about what happened when I was a child. I don't even think Briella remembers, she was so young."

[Pearce Lockheed]

Pearce had gone through much of the same experiences as Zander. Amd he had the fortune to be a lot older than him. While perhaps he had not had the best coping mechanisms or people to rely on, he had, in fact, made it this far. Proof that it was possible to be okay. Hope that it was possible to be better. I the noble could make just one person feel safer, happier, more confident...then he would do it. To make surr they ended up in a better place than he had.

The way Zander repeated the word made him anxious. Not in a bad way necessarily, but ot coming so soon after a moment of past fear and anxiety it took him a silent moment to wade through the waters and separate the two.

He nodded in regards to Zander's thanks and the fact it had been a lot of the boy. "I'll always be here," he said, hugging him close again. It seemed the least he could do, but somethings just being therr and listening and offering support...sometimes even just that was enough.

"D-do you want to talk about that word? The F one?" He asked, tone a sort of hopeful teasing. He wasn't sure Zander's feelings exactly but...repeating it suggested some sort of strong association. And since they were having a vaguely serious moment (not common considering Pesrce preferred to avoid stress and Zander preferred to insert humor there instead) he figured now might be as good as any time to try.

[Zander Brogthamon]

Zander had never been one for serious conversations. They made him uncomfortable and anxious. It was easier to bury his feelings and just make people laugh. Easier to cover up his feelings with humor or sarcasm so he didn't have to try and express what was really going on in his head. Hearing that Pearce would always be there felt both reassuring and uneasy. There had been other people that told him they'd always be there for him and were no longer around. He didn't want to think about that though.

The question did make him chuckle though. "There are a lot of F words, Pearce. You'll need to be more specific." Of course the boy knew exactly what word he was talking about. Or at least he was fairly positive. For a moment he was quiet. Simply trying to think of what he wanted to say. How he could say it. "I really like you. A lot more than I like people who are just my friends."

Zander had feelings for Pearce that he hadn't allowed himself to feel doe a long time. Because having feelings for someone was hard and scary.

[Pearce Lockheed]

Pearce had had family once. But he had never really had anyone besides that. It made somethings rather lonely. Oh, there had been plenty of light friends and plenty of more than friends, but none that had made it much past casual. None he felt comfortable enough with that he would offer part of his home to them or dream about living with him or think of quite so much when he was alone. None he felt confident enough to make that promise too, to always be there. But he meant it with Zander.

He blushed. Well, yes, there were but good luck hearing him casually drop one of those F words. "F-friends," he said faintly in confirmation.

"I like you too," he returned after Zander finally spoke up. "I care about you. And you make me happy. And I want to make you happy. I want to always be here," Pearce repeated, trying to communicate the same passion he felt in his chest in the words.

His heart slammed in his chest as he spoke and as he pulled Zander close to him. He wondered if the boy could feel or hear his heart beat. "I want to b-be more than friends with you, Zander. I want..." he trailed off, hating that word, hating the way it sounded from his mouth but the alternative made him worry. He pushed through anyway. "I love you, Zander." The nobleman smiled faintly, positive he wasn't breathing in that moment.

[Zander Brogthamon]

Zanders heart felt like it was trying to pound out of his chest. Normally these kinds of conversations made him want to run away. The idea of being with someone on a deeper, more intimate level past just physical attachment. The only constant he'd had in his life up to this point had been Briella. That might have been why he was so protective over her. She was the one person that had stayed by his side without fear or judgement of him.

"I want to make you happy too. I want to be with you and take care of you." Just saying that was more of an admission of his feelings than Zander was used to. It felt strange coming out of his mouth but he wanted to be honest with Pearce. He wanted the man to know how he felt and that he was serious. He didn't want to run away.

Those three words made his breath catch in his throat. The only person he'd said them to since his mother died was his sister. His heart was pounding in his ears and he was now exceptionally glad that it was still dark in the room so that Pearce couldn't see his face. With a deep breath he pressed a hard and passionate kiss against the nobles lips. Trying to convey what he was feeling as he worked up the courage to say it. When he pulled Zander smiled softly and bit his lip nervously. "I...I love you you too, Pearce and I'd really like to be more than friends."

[Pearce Lockheed]

The noble still couldn't breath even as Zander returned some of the same feelings. He had always imagined Zander might not admit to such things. Not because he didn't feel them but because he wasn't sure how much he would want to say it out loud. He was pleasantly surprised to hear it. And also didn't have any words. Actions meant a lot, sleeping together, comforting each other, caring about the other...doing those things meant a lot. Dedicating them with words wasn't the only step. But it was wonderful to hear.

That someone wanted to make him happy. Wanted to take care of him. Pearce was still just as red in the darkness. Because he wasn't worth that. He hardly imagined he deserved Zander. He pulled the man closer, and for a moment, he thought maybe their hearts were beating in unison. Just for a moment.

And then Zander was kissing him in the darkness and Pearce yelped in surprise and then melted against the young man's lips, returning his own passion to the moment. "I know," he saw in return with his own nervous smile. But it was still more than amazing to hear. Pearce felt like his heart forgot how to beat for a moment, fluttering and hesitant for a moment along with the butterflies in his stomach. If he had been standing, he might have fainted. Or vomited. Or both.

"How about lover. B-boyfriend?" He tested put a few words to try and distract himself. Was it possible to be too giddy?

[Zander Brogthamon]

It was more than a little strange feeling being honest with his feelings. It felt good to say it though and hear it even if it was scary. For once it didn't make Zander want to run away. He wanted to be with Pearce and Pearce wanted to be with him. That was all that mattered. All the boy wanted to focus on was that. Was making the noble happy and making sure he was healthy. Though he understood that they both had issues with accepting that idea from other people. That it was okay to let someone take care of you. But he'd be there to care for him nonetheless.

Zander suspected that he'd been a bit more brave about speaking because it was dark. If they'd been talking to each other in the day light he wasn't sure he'd been able to get the words out properly. Joy and anxiety swirled around him and made his heart flutter in his chest.

The question made butterflies flutter wildly in his stomach as he smiled. "I think I'd like that." He said softly as he nuzzled his face into the crook of Pearces neck.

[Pearce Lockheed]

While he wasn't sure what it all meant in public and to other people, he didn't care. Not that much. Not enough that he wasn't willing to figure something out. What did matter and what Pearce was sure about though, was that he would do just about anything for the young man he was currently sharing a bed with. For his boyfriend.

He was also sure he wouldn't make it through that word without stumbling for a while.

The darkness did help Pearce too. Not that he would admit it. Not that he had a problem repeating himself verbatim in four hours once it was broad daylight. He wasn't using the darkness or his lack of sleep as a crutch but as a facilitator to say things that had been on his mind for a while.

"Good." He wasn't sure about Zander, but he could only imagine the boy was just as excited and anxious as he was. Pearce squeezed him tightly. His excitement was apparent. His anxiety not so much. Not yet. Pearce stroked Zander's hair gently and closed his eyes. "You able to fall asleep with me, b-boyfriend, or do you want to take a walk?"

[Zander Brogthamon]

Zander was sure it would take some time for him to get used to the word. Though it did feel much better than just calling him his friend. "Boyfriend..." He repeated softly with more confidence than before. It was a much different conversation than the one they had started on but he didn't mind that in the slightest. It would still be something he'd need to tell his sister about though that conversation made him feel a bit more anxious all over again. Not because he was afraid she wouldn't understand it or judge him just because he realized that now her brother was dating her teacher. That could be a little odd.

That thought was enough to make him chuckle as he relaxed against Pearce and closed his eyes. He still doubted he'd be able to go to sleep though for an entirely different whirl of emotions than before. Hearing the noblemans question he smiled as he traced idle shapes across the mans skin. "Would you be up to take a walk with me?" He didn't want to keep Pearce up if he were tired.

[Pearce Lockheed]

Living more or less alone as he did, Pearce had no immediate family at present that he needed to inform. There was always distant family of course. And there was society as a whole. Between them both being men and the fact that Zander didn't have any rank... He wasn't about to abandon his family name without serous consideration but he wasn't about to sacrifice his own happiness either. Not entirely.

Pearce was aware the student teacher relationship was...well one didn't have intimate relations with their student lightly. And Pearce never had before which both made him nervous about this but also not so nervous. This was about Zander, whether he was his student or not didn't matter. Though...he imagined Briella might find that...odd.

If Zander was going to be awake and harassed by fears and worries at least maybe Pearce could help him understand he didn't have to handle them alone. Of course, the nobleman already had his eyes closed by the time Zander turned the question around. It was a tired sigh that escaped him before he answered. "I would," he said genuinely, pulling himself up a bit more and sliding out of bed. His mind was awake enough, at least, that the rest of him would catch up. As much as he wanted to continue feeling Zander's hands on him, he knew the boy needed to be doing something. Pearce was happy to do whatever that something was along with him.

[Zander Brogthamon]

Zander was both happy and felt a bit bad when he heard the tired sigh leave his lips before he got out of the bed. The boy was used to handling his problems on his own. The last thing he'd ever wanted to do was be a burden on someone else with his issues. Though there also hadn't been many people around in the times he was panicked or scared to even wonder what was wrong with him. While he wanted to be around Pearce he didn't want the man to stay awake just for him.

Zander slipped out of the bed and pulled on his pants. Once they were out in the garden the fresh air helped ease some of his anxiety and blow away the last remnants of his dream. He stretched his arms over his head with a groan before dragging his fingers through his hair. "You don't need to stay up just for me." He said with a soft smile. Normally the redhead would just go for a jog to clear his mind but it did feel better with the nobleman next to him.

[Pearce Lockheed]

If ever there was a time when the nobleman might feel classically "grumpy" like other people did, it was after waking himself up earlier than usual with his sleep cycle and wanting desperately to go back to sleep yet at the same time not allowing himself becaise there was something more important to be done. Okay, perhaps he wasn't really grumpy, considering it was entirely internal. Or was that how most people were normally grumpy? Pearce failed to identify correctly. Either way, he was slightly off.

He had slept in his trousers. He did pull a loose tunic over his head before they made their way to the gardens. The stairs took him a moment to navigate, still half asleep. He was much more awake after. Too awake to go back to sleep. The scents amd feel of the cool breeze outside in the near darkness was enough to keep him that way.

"Zander, I know I do not need to, but that is not the point, is it?" He offered the boy a tight smile. "The point is to stay up just for you." He snaked an arm around the young man's waist, like his arm belonged there.