Soleil
33
Widowed
Ambassador
Tier 3 Character
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Post by Nemeris Arundel on Apr 15, 2021 22:13:45 GMT -5
Perhaps Nemeris really was so far gone in those ideas and dark thoughts that she so stubbornly clung to. Even though they were wrong--she had fallen so deeply into the darkness that she didn’t believe them to be wrong. She had convinced herself for so many years that she deserved all of this and that this would forever be the rest of her life. Nemeris had even started to come to terms with that fact, and now Eoin was daring to challenge her on that?
She didn’t allow her gaze to falter or become fazed by his stare. Though it seemed he wouldn’t become fazed by hers either, and she knew it was because he had already been through enough destruction, fear, and torture that an intimidating stare would do nothing to him that he hadn’t already lived through. Maybe that was what unsettled her the most. He wasn’t scared or intimidated by her--and he no longer had any reason to be.
For a moment, as they stood there staring at one another, Nemeris considered lashing out and telling him that he needed to leave. He knew too much about her, she had somehow allowed him to create a window to glance through the stone walls she held up around herself, and she wasn’t entirely certain how he had managed to do so, or when she had let her guard down. She would need to try harder now in her attempts to push him away. This time, she would not allow him back in.
Her lips parted to speak--to tell him to leave, but his laugh caused her to pause. She glared back at him, her brows lowering in an obvious sign of her displeasure. It was clear that he didn’t believe her, and she wasn’t going to waste her breath trying to tell him why she felt she didn’t have burdens. Or maybe she didn’t want to admit that she really did.
It had become her life. She had grown accustomed to this lifestyle and no one ever bothered her or tried to challenge her way of life. Until now.
Her blue eyes, now devoid of any emotion, watched him as he descended the stairs and got closer to her as if expecting her to attack him, or preparing for it. But Nemeris didn’t move, even as he took her hand and placed it on his face. Her eyes widened slightly as they met with his, searching for a reason behind why he was doing this.
"You're not alone, Nem...despite how much you think you are."
It wasn’t much longer before she received the answer to what she searched for in his eyes. She could feel it. At first, Nemeris flinched at the sharp twinges of pain she felt radiating from him. She could feel the struggle and how he was trying so hard to suppress those feelings and push them away. Even partially for her sake, which made it all the worse. Those feelings from him would slowly drift out of him and seep into her, but the longer her hand remained on his face, the more emotion she began to draw in. The pain slowly shifted to that unexplained warmth--something she hadn’t felt in such a long time. She wasn’t alone...Despite how much she thought she was. Her eyes slowly closed, as if she wanted to succumb to that warmth that he was providing to her. For so long, she felt a deep coldness that devoured her, leaving her to believe that was all there ever was and would be. Her body indirectly wavered in an unnoticeable sway. Nemeris wanted to collapse against him, and it was taking all of her strength to remain there, unmoved, pretending to be unfazed by him.
The fight she held onto only weakened when she felt that desire he had to help her, the fear he had of losing her, and that he needed her. If Eoin only spoke those words, she would argue that he was insane, crazy, and didn’t know what he was thinking or talking about. But she could feel it. And she would be able to tell if it were a lie, she would have still felt it if he tried to hide and keep it from her. Nemeris couldn’t argue with him. But she also didn’t have to admit that she felt anything.
Her eyes slowly fluttered open and found his gaze, and her expression slightly softened from what it was previously. Eoin had dealt with a lot in his life. He could relate to her, and she with him. Yet their difference was that Eoin still held onto that light that things would become bright again, refusing to believe that his life was destined into being isolated in a dark, cold, manor filled with dust and cobwebs. Nemeris believe this was her life, she had fallen so deep into her sadness, blame, and self-loathing that she didn’t know what warmth and light were anymore. There was no hope for her.
She gritted her teeth together and clenched her jaw as if every part of her hurt at the moment--that it would take all of her strength to allow the man in front of her to continue to take down the invisible wall that stood between them. Slowly, Nemeris pulled her hand away from him, her slender fingers gently brushing against his cheek before she grasped hold of his hand that had once held hers to his face. It seemed that she might have been about to let go, but instead, her fingers weaved into his as she brought his hand to her face now, holding it there as he did to him. “Neither are you,” she quietly whispered.
While she continued to feel the emotions he radiated, her own would slowly seep into his mind. He would be able to feel the inner turmoil that Nemeris felt on an everyday basis. The pain, heartache, loneliness-- Every emotion that had led her to be the woman she was now. The pain and betrayal of her family. The loss of her father, husband, son, and her home--that had happened all at once. The longing she felt to have her son back, but the fear that held her back from trying. He hated her. Surely her brother had only fueled that hatred. And her fear that if she ever did show her face back in Saryndale, he would be killed in front of her, as her brother had threatened. Every reason for why she was so cold and distant-- and the blame she held onto that made her feel that isolation was the only option for herself. All of it seeped out of her and into Eoin’s, allowing him to feel and see into her own mind. And the fact that she had never trusted another soul to learn or see these things about her.
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Lunari
38
Single
Ranger
Tier 3 Character
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Post by Eoin Rodain on Apr 21, 2021 17:36:43 GMT -5
Perhaps he was the only one that could challenge that stubbornness because of what he went through. Or maybe he was the first and only one to truly try. And now that he was there standing before her, baring all of those emotions out to her, there was no going back. Eoin wasn't hiding these thoughts and feelings, these worries he had not only for his own life but for hers as well. He was resting them at her feet, showing that vulnerability, and it was up to her on whether or not she accepted it.
Nemeris could try harder to push him away, however, at this point, it might be near impossible. She had shared her past with him, and he had shared his fears with her- this wasn't something you simply walked away from, no matter what she believed.
Those slate-blues remained upon her face, watching the displays of emotion wash over it as each feeling and memory seemed to hit her. It was a little easier to suppress his pain simply because he desired to do nothing but help her, to make her realize that she really wasn't alone. Tendrils of that darkness still tried to reach out, attempting to lure her deeper into her own but Eoin pushed them as far away as he could. Despite what he had done earlier, it was easier to focus on this, on her, and how her presence managed to keep him grounded.
He had to keep the pain away, for both their sakes.
Then suddenly, she was drawing her touch away. His lips parted as if to argue, to stop her from withdrawing further before she could even attempt to, but instead, their fingers intertwined, and his hand was now against the side of her face. The muscles in his back tensed when he felt the onslaught of emotions that were not his. Some paralleled his own, some were similar, while there were some he'd never really felt before. But he understood the pain and heartache, especially the loneliness although it hadn't been entirely of his choosing. Nemeris chose to be alone while Eoin had wanted nothing but to find his way out of that cell- both physically and emotionally. He knew what it was like to feel the blinding sting of betrayal- he had to watch as his entire clan was slaughtered and he had been unable to do anything to stop it. He'd had to run, like a coward, because he wasn't strong enough to avenge them.
Those eyes had finally closed, trying to keep his feet planted firmly on that step while she shared this with him. All of it, every ounce of it when she hadn't let anyone else before. It wasn't a blessing, but it was still somehow a comfort to know that she had trusted him enough, and she didn't even have to utter a word.
His hand moved from the side of her face to filter into dark blonde hair; gently urging her forward so that he could press a kiss against her forehead.
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Soleil
33
Widowed
Ambassador
Tier 3 Character
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Post by Nemeris Arundel on Apr 30, 2021 0:20:43 GMT -5
Despite any attempts Eoin made to try and push away his thoughts, emotions, and memories to help shield her from them, she still felt and saw all of it. How he had lived as a prisoner, trapped in a cell for far longer than he should have, the torture he had to endure to protect Aralore and the queen. Any other man would have given in, yet Eoin held on to whatever strength he had, never allowing himself to break no matter how badly he wanted to. Nemeris couldn’t help but hold a deep admiration for him and the will he clung so hard to. It was why she knew he would get through all of this--A lot better than she ever could.
She stared into his eyes as if watching everything in his soul unfold before her. She felt and saw everything he had been through and experienced, all the emotions, pains, and worries he felt. Even as he was touching her face and her own darkness reached out to him, his still radiated into her. Just as Eoin had felt he was a coward for having to run when his clan had been slaughtered, Nemeris had always felt the same way when she was forced to flee Saryndale, leaving her son behind because everyone had been turned against her, including her son. She had been too afraid and weak to have been able to fight back, and she knew it would have resulted in her, or her son’s, death.
Nemeris also felt his courage, strength, and his strong desire to help her, and though she would have never believed someone if they only told her these things, she could feel the truth in Eoin’s sentiments. It made her want to collapse against him, cling to his warmth, and let go of all her reservations. She could no longer hide them from him now, anyway. He would no longer believe her if she tried to hide or lie about her own feelings. She had never allowed anyone to see this side of her, the vulnerability that riddled within her. No one had ever really bothered trying to reach out to her, which was really no one’s fault but her own, because she portrayed herself as a cold, distant, intimidating woman. She didn’t allow anyone to get too close, and no one ever tried to persist --until Eoin.
Her eyes remained open, even as he shut his. She could feel his thoughts of being comforted by her trust in him, and in return, she allowed him to feel that admiration she held for him--of his strength and courage, her appreciation for having him as a friend who genuinely cared about her. Although Nemeris had invited him to stay in her home to help him in his time of need, it would seem that he had come back when she needed a friend the most, too.
She felt his fingers weave into her hair just before he urged her towards him. Her eyes widened a bit, and at first, she resisted him, but as he moved closer, she let that tension in her body ease up and her eyelids fluttered shut as his lips pressed against her forehead. Nemeris stood there, silently, taking in the foreign feeling of that tenderness he offered her. He understood her, everything she had been through, and why she was the way she was. It was somewhat unsettling, mostly because she never knew what it was like to be understood--to have someone believe her when everyone had been turned against her.
For a long moment, she allowed herself to become lost in him, coming dangerously close to breaking down, but suddenly the reality of all of it came flooding back to her and she pulled back only slightly. Her lips parted and her voice nearly cracked as she managed to whisper to him. “I do not want your pity.” Regardless of what he knew or felt about her, here she was, still trying to push him away. A last ditch effort, perhaps.
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Lunari
38
Single
Ranger
Tier 3 Character
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Post by Eoin Rodain on Jul 13, 2021 19:24:15 GMT -5
In truth, he never believed her when she withdrew into herself anyway, if only because, in ways, he could relate. He understood to an extent. However, now? Now there was certainly no way she could pull away and try to lie to him. Eoin felt and sensed everything that she was, everything she had gone through. He suddenly understood her a lot more and couldn't help but cling to this heavy kinship they silently shared, even if it was one in sorrow.
The emotions deepened, washing over him, engulfing him like a sun on a warm summer's day. Nem was silently opening up, allowing him to feel her admiration and appreciation for his own, those feelings he had always tried to express but couldn't seem to. There had been a time where he tried to reassure her, to help her through her own ordeal yet it had resulted in an argument that neither had the right to win. In this moment, they could share things with each other without having to speak a word.
Perhaps, he should be questioning that, and yet, he wasn’t. He didn’t care to. Eoin dwelled in this moment, clung to it like a lifeline until she drew away from him just that small amount. He still felt her hair between his fingers, finally opening his eyes to lean back enough to look down at her. Were he not so tired, he might have smiled, he might have joked when she was still trying to push him away. Even after all of this, this strange thing they shared and understood, Nemeris was still trying.
In truth, he wasn't very surprised.
"You know it is not pity, Nem…" he told her quietly. She’d have sensed no pity from him, and how could she? The man suffered in his own right, was still struggling to maintain control of his life- if anything, he sympathized with her. And, eventually, she would truly see it. She’d have to accept it despite how much she might wish to fight it.
His thumb brushed across one of her high cheekbones; a look of contemplation filtering into those bright eyes when a corner of his mouth curled up in the faintest of smirks, barely there. "It’s far from that, and you know it," he added, his voice almost inaudible.
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Soleil
33
Widowed
Ambassador
Tier 3 Character
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Post by Nemeris Arundel on Aug 28, 2021 23:06:22 GMT -5
Outwardly, Nemeris appeared unmoved by all of this. There was no real indication of emotion that showed on her face. Inwardly, she felt like she had thousands of bugs crawling under her skin. It was taking every bit of control she had left to stop herself from lashing out at him. She wanted to push him away, yell and scream at him, tell him to leave, and never come back.
Another part of her wanted to just give in. To fall into Eoin’s arms and cry into his chest--to let everything out that she had been holding in for so long. Whatever she did do, even if it was to just remain standing here, appearing somewhat calm, yet uncomfortable, Eoin would know and feel how harsh the storm inside of her raged.
‘You know it is not pity, Nem…’ Pity was a strange thing. It was something she received quite often, but for all the wrong reasons. But it was also something she didn’t receive much at all, either, because no one got close enough to care or know what to pity her for. But no--whatever this was at the moment, wasn’t pity from Eoin. It was sympathy.
Her eyes narrowed slightly as she glared at him. She would still fight to push him away, to try and intimidate him into backing off, even though she knew it was useless. She was failing at pushing him away and wasn’t entirely sure how to handle that. Eoin was still standing in front of her, touching her, daring to look at her with that look of contemplation that she didn’t want to understand.
‘It’s far from that, and you know it.’
Nemeris breathed a slow breath out her nose and stared back at him with that same look of contemplation. She did know, but she didn’t want to. Her blue eyes finally lowered from his gaze and she caught sight of that barely-there smirk on his lips before she turned her chin down to avert her eyes from him finally. She stared absentmindedly at his chest as she spoke, nearly inaudible, “then what is it?” she quietly asked before returning her gaze to meet his in a questioning manner.
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Lunari
38
Single
Ranger
Tier 3 Character
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Post by Eoin Rodain on Oct 1, 2021 21:03:49 GMT -5
It was more than just sympathy. That was only a fraction of it. The problem was, he didn't know the what all of the pieces were. All Eoin knew was that he didn't pity her, and that if he somehow did, it would be completely wrong of him. He could not pity a woman who suffered when he himself had suffered so horribly as well. He had the physical scars to prove it.
He stood there watching her, simply waiting for her to get fed up with whatever this was, whatever game this was turning out to be. Well, was it a game? In truth, he had absolutely no idea but he wasn't allowing the confusion to show. But he knew she wanted to keep pushing him away, he knew she wanted to just wallow in her sorrow and be lost to the rest of the world.
The problem was, she took him in, and now it was going to be difficult to get rid of him. Then, she was the one to break gaze first, and Eoin had to refrain from actually grinning at that. Inwardly, he was taking that as a win.
On the outside, however, he was still quiet; pressing a finger under her chin to ensure she did not lower her face again as he looked her square in the eyes once more. "Affection...understanding," he just as gently whispered before the smirk finally made its way to his mouth, curling up a corner. "Whether you like it or not. But you will accept it." No, it wasn't a threat or a demand- it sounded so matter-of-fact, like he just supposed she would eventually come to her senses and admit it. Admit that she wasn't truly alone.
Finally, Eoin drew away from her, severing all connection that left him strangely cold for a moment. It left him almost empty until he regained himself. Slowly making his way back up the staircase, he threw a look over his shoulder at her, "You should get some rest. I'm going to teach you to hunt tomorrow...bright and early."
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