Lessons & Goodbyes [log]

[Cassandra Demarais]

[CASSANDRA] How had it only been a couple days since the wedding? It felt as though weeks had passed...maybe because so much had happened. So much was still happening. Cassandra had just spent an hour in Henry's room, trying to direct servants on what to pack, on how to pack, and she might as well have just done it herself. And this was the last thing she wanted to do, and her husband's overall silence was unnerving. He wasn't well, but they would have to sail back to Tresteria in order to bury her cousin, the king, and Henry felt like he had to be there. All she wanted to do was plead with him to stay, but it wouldn't be right. It didn't make sense to. That, and he had told her he wanted to be buried at home. That idea made her throat tighten. Would he even make the journey? Needing to get out of that stuffy room, she fled down the corridor before stopping to catch her breath, to pull herself together and not break down into tears. When she had first arrived in Aralore, all she had wanted was to leave. So much had changed since then. So, so much... Drawing in a deep breath, she avoided her near breakdown as she smiled politely to a passing guard, smoothing out the front of her dress anxiously. She should be packing her own things...but she suddenly didn't care. About any of it.

[ORIN] Another reason why Cassandra should not have killed Edward--Now she, and Alexandria and Aric would be leaving Aralore to go to Tresteria to put him to rest. And although his sister would be back, who was to say Aric or Cassandra would return? He certainly hoped Aric would--but what would be the reason for Cassandra to? Other than for his own selfish needs, there was no other reason. And this was the exact reason why Orin should not have gotten close to her-- should not have developed feelings for her. It had supposed to have just been about sex and nothing more. So what in the hell happened to change that? He honestly wasn't sure-- except that Cassandra had opened up to him and let him see who she truly was, or could be. She let him console her, she didn't mind his broody silence, his lack of a filter on his mouth. He was angry. Not at her, not at his sister or even anyone for that matter. He was angry with himself and with the strange and cruel way the world worked. So he made his way down the halls, to head to the training room so he could blow off steam. As he head down the halls, he spotted Cassandra wandering around. He hesitated, because, why bother if she was leaving? But that was childish, he thought. So he cleared his throat and glanced to her. "Hey..." He simply said, maybe a little too quietly.

[CASSANDRA] Her hand shook when she tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. She normally looked a lot more put together than this, but she barely even bothered to do much with her hair. All she had been doing was running around and fretting...thinking on how she might possibly stay. And every time she tried, she ultimately came to the same conclusion. All her talk of taking control of her life...so now what? It was the road block as before. One she couldn't repeat without feeling guilty. It was what happened after that frightened her. Hope. Hope was all she had right now. Cassandra turned to walk off, to wherever her feet carried her...but abruptly stopped when she saw him. Green eyes widened slightly before they softened. "Hi..." she breathed. She tried searching for something more to say but she was struggling. "Are you...well today?" Wow, really? That was what she came up with? Cass didn't even bother hiding her embarrassment.

[ORIN] He looked at her with confusion on his face. Did he not look well, or something? Not one to lie or sugar coat things, Orin simply shook his head. "Not really, no." He shrugged and regarded her for a moment. "You look, upset..." He would ask her if she was alright, or why she was upset, but he already had an idea. She was leaving Aralore because of Edward. She had feared that he would force her to return to Tresteria with him---and even dead, he was. And she feared she would never be coming back. She was married--tied down to her husband, and she loved him, and he couldn't come between them. He sighed and tilted his head, studying her. "What are you doing right now? Are you free?"

[CASSANDRA] It was a stupid question, but even so, she hadn't really expected him to answer like that. Green eyes flickered to his face, lips parting to nearly ask him why but she refrained. You look upset... Cassandra drew in a staggered breath. "Of course I do," she answered flatly. Her voice nearly cracked but she still refused to breakdown. Hadn't she done that enough? If only she didn't have a conscience. If only she didn't care about Henry, didn't know all he had done to actually protect her...she would just stay. But wouldn't that make her a horrible person to abandon someone who had taken care of her? Even if she couldn't love him as a wife should? Fingers pressed to her lips as though that would help control this crazy array of emotions, when Orin spoke. "I'm...I'm not doing anything." She didn't know what to do anymore.

[ORIN] He did not want to think about any of this and what was about to happen within the next few days, or even passed that. So when she agreed she was not doing anything, Orin nodded, happy to hear she did not have anything to do at the moment. "Good..." he said simply. "I owe you some training lessons...As promised..." He looked at her questioningly, wondering if she would agree and come along with him, or if she'd find it pointless now. Either way, they could both use the distraction. And if he were not going to be in Tresteria to save her life whenever she got herself into trouble, then maybe he could be within her mind to help her protect herself.

[CASSANDRA] She wanted badly to say something more about it all...but what else was there to say that she hadn't already told him? At the same time, she didn't want to depart on bad terms, although she couldn't blame him if he simply wanted to pretend nothing had happened. When he mentioned training, she looked puzzled for a brief moment before she remembered that deal they had made. "You did promise," she clarified; green eyes squinting a hint of a smile touched her lips. "Lead the way then, Mr. Evans."

[ORIN] He smirked just a little bit and nodded, regarding her for just a moment longer, as if he wished to say something more, but he refrained and turned away to continue down the hall, leading her to the training room. He stayed quiet the whole way down, mainly because there really wasn't much else to say about everything. He had already given her his opinion, but it ultimately was her choice. It was her life and he would not interfere anymore than he already had.
He pulled the door open and held it for her, motioning for her to enter. The room was actually empty, so Cassandra would receive his undivided attention without interruptions. He turned to face her, his expression a serious one, as he often wore when things were about work. "We will do a few hand to hand moves before getting into swinging the sword. I can teach you how to get out of a hold that you were in that night... Something a little more effective than stomping your foot onto theirs..." He finally smirked slightly and shook his head at her. She had been lucky that had worked and not caused the knife to dig into her throat.

[CASSANDRA] Her heart was thundering in her chest, and it was near impossible to stop it. She didn't know if it was her nerves, the reminder that she would be leaving, or just simply him being there in front of her. But she stayed quiet as well while they walked the halls, and it hurt to pretend that she didn't want to lean against him, brush her hand against his. Still, even when they entered the empty training room, she didn't let those girlish feelings take over. Then she got nervous for a different reason, as he explained what they were going to practice. Fingers rose to her neck as if remembering the feeling of that blade there; his light smirk eventually bringing out one of her own. "Well, it did work..." But she wasn't arguing that it was stupid and risky. She had known it was and had been desperate. Her back straightened and she nodded. "Okay." She was ready. Mostly.

[ORIN] Part of him wanted to act as though there were nothing between the two of them, but he knew that would only make matters worse. Still, he was quiet and kept to himself until she indicated that she was ready to start her lesson. He slowly moved up behind her and wrapped his arms around her as the Saelis man had held her. He didn't want it to spark bad memories for her so he leaned down and kissed the nape of her neck and whispered to her. "It's just me." He gently placed one of his hands on her throat as if he were going to choke her, but he didn't, of course. "So when you are trapped like this..." he held her tighter against him. "See the opening by my elbow?" He let go of her waist and guided her arm through the opening before he returned his arm tightly around her waist. "Once your arm is raised and through there, bend your arm so your elbow is bent and push down, which will knock my hand down from your throat." He nudged her as if indicating her to try.

[CASSANDRA] Although her time in Aralore had involved close encounters with dangerous men, she wasn't sure if she would freeze up at this. But she was suddenly questioning it when he moved behind her and she could no longer see him, tensing immediately. Then, his lips were briefly at the nape of her neck and she heard that familiar, gruff voice. Now, God help her, she was tensing for an entirely different reason, wanting nothing but to lean back against him. This wasn't fair, because it might be a little harder to concentrate now. Still, a flicker of a smile, she appreciated and understood what he was doing. It helped. Cassandra wanted to learn, though, so any carnal thoughts were immediately pushed aside so that she could listen to his instructions, letting him guide her arm. Softly nodding to acknowledge that she got it, Cass withdrew her arm back at his nudge. She wanted to be sure she got it. Taking just a moment to remember, she slipped her arm back through that opening on her own now, bent her elbow and pushed down to free his hand from her throat.

[ORIN] He barely held a grip on her so that she could see what would happen to his hand when she did that, his hand instantly moved from her throat, but he still had grip of her do she'd not be able to escape. "That's the first step. And it might not always be that easy. Especially if there's a weapon involved. But I'll show you all the different ways to get out. But continuing with this one.. I want you to spin to face me and you can either drive your elbow into my neck, or your knee onto my groin. Either way will shock your attacker to let you go..." He grabbed hold of her again and held her tightly against him. Indicating she needed to start over.

[CASSANDRA] This was far easier, she knew, but even still...when she managed to remove his hand from her neck, she actually grinned. It was such a small thing, but she needed a bit more of these tiny, menial victories. Cassandra didn't let her thoughts linger on this too much because he was instructing her again. "Alright," she breathed, nodding to further show she understood. She paused only briefly when those arms tightened around her, trying not to tense up. This is just practice. This isn't real. Slipping her arm through the opening in his, she once again bent her elbow and pushed down to release his hold; immediately spinning to face him as he had instructed, and moved to slam her elbow into his neck...only, she didn't actually do it. She rather liked his voice. Exactly why she didn't risk trying for below the belt. Ahem.

[ORIN] When Cassandra successfully went through the motions and had her elbow at his neck, he smiled at her and nodded. "Exactly. Let's do it again, but this time I won't make it as easy." He twirled her around and wrapped his arms around her tightly, one arm around her neck and throat, the other around her waist. He leaned forward and whispered into her ear again. "It's just me, I won't hurt you." He kissed her cheek before straightening himself and he held her tightly. "Alright, go..." He'd make it a little harder this time by using more of his strength to give her the resistance as if this were real and she had a man his size attacking her.

[CASSANDRA] Although he sadness stemmed from having to leave this man, he was managing to make her forget what was to come. Keeping her grounded in the present, smiling at this tiny victory once more. She gasped, though, when he spun her around again; his arms tight. It was a very strange mix of fright and delight that had made her heart drum madly inside her chest. He'd feel her body ease, leaning into him when he pressed that quick kiss to her cheek. Seriously, Cassie...concentrate. At his command, she slipped her arm up through his and tried to bring it down to free him, but it just barely did. There was a huff of annoyance because she felt her mind all jumbled and a slight bit of panic begin to rise. "No, I've got this," she whispered, mainly to herself as she did a quick rewind. Drawing in a deep breath, she tried it again. Up through the arm, elbow bent...she slammed it down onto his to free herself from his grasp. Forcing herself to turn around, she didn't go for his own neck this time. Instead, her fingers were curling into his shirt, if only to steady herself, and brought her leg up- her knee grazing his crotch as she stopped herself from doing any damage.

[ORIN] He wouldn't ease up for her to make this easier on her, because that would not happen in real life. her attacker would not ease up for her because she wasn't strong enough to attack back. So he stayed grounded and did not say anything as she struggled the first time. He felt proud of her that she did not give up and that she tried again, and eventually, her knee was right against his groin. He chuckled softly and grabbed hold of her leg, his hand slowly moving up to her thigh. "That's not nice." He smirked and pulled her into him, bringing her leg up against his hip and he leaned down and pressed a small kiss to her lips. Something about her defending herself turned him on. But no, he would be good. He let go of her leg as he pulled back from that brief kiss and he smiled before whirling her around again and wrapping his arms around her, pinning both of her arms down by her side. He leaned in, whispering in her ear again. "This is a whole different scenario, now...They have both your arms pinned down, and you can't move, right?" He held her tightly. "What is the first thing you think to do here? How do you think you could possibly get out of this?"

[CASSANDRA] Well...he was certainly the best teacher ever. The smile that had graced her face had slightly faltered, if only because her entire expression had changed the moment he grabbed her leg. That desire flickered momentarily in those green eyes after the quick kiss until he was playing good and drawing away. Cassandra didn't try to hide the soft whimper of protest that fled her throat, only for a gasp to swiftly follow when he was spinning her again, and the comfort of his chest was at her back. She was no longer tensing up or worrying about that past. He was being fucking distracting, and she was desperately trying to pay attention while he pinned her arms to her sides. She couldn't stop the gentle goosebumps along her skin with the sound of his voice at her ear; biting down on her bottom lip to keep herself from completely ignoring everything he said. She made an honest attempt at answering. "Does my foot stomping technique apply here?" she asked, mildly amused. Then, she leaned her head back against his shoulder, still managing to be semi-serious. "Or...slam my head back against their face?" Another viable option, she thought.

[ORIN] She was being distracting to him, simply by being there, against him and in his arms. But he'd try to stay good so they could focus. When she gave him some guesses, he chuckled softly. "I suppose you could try... But I'll show you a more affective way.." He smirked and tightened his grip around her and he leaned his face down to speak against her ear again. "Make it as hard as you can for me to hold onto you... to pick you up. Think of a child throwing a fit...thrash your arms, bend forward, let your legs collapse a little so you become heavier weight in my arms. See what happens.." He steadied his stance and waited for her to respond and react to what he had just said. If she was effective in doing so, it would cause his arms to loosen, for him to lose his balance and eventually make it easier for her to escape or at least strike.

[CASSANDRA] The fact of the matter was...she didn't want to escape now. She would have cursed at herself, but he was mentioning a method that, to anyone who truly knew her, would be one that was perhaps all too easy. Throw a fit? A tantrum? Alright then. Her head still leaning back against his shoulder, she grinned. She pressed a gentle kiss against his neck before she was straightening herself. Then, as if something had completely possessed her, Cassandra squirmed, thrashed and kicked out frantically. She held nothing back, save for actually trying to kick in his shins or break his nose...which, were this an actual dangerous situation, she would have been doing.

[ORIN] He loosened his arms only a little bit when she kissed his neck. That would be enough to get him to release her, but he'd only be snatching her up in a different way, instead of trying to attack her. Now she was distracting him even more. But when she was standing straight again, he urged himself to focus and he tightened his arms around her again. She was thrashing around and he held her tightly, trying to fight her, but eventually, his arms grew tired and they were slipping loose. And he couldn't help but laugh. "Alright... You've got my arms loosened... Now what?" His tone was insinuating to start to bring in what she had already learned in the previous move.

[CASSANDRA] Never ask a noblewoman to throw a fit...because she would probably do it about tenfold. If she had been loose during said tantrum, there would have been flying objects aimed at his head. Nevertheless, she felt his arms loosen, which was giving her an opening. There was no hand at her neck, so as he was finishing his words, Cass was turning around to pretend to bring that sharp elbow into his throat. "Or maybe..." she started, bringing her hands up to grasp his head, thumbs resting over his eyes. She obviously didn't put any pressure on them like she was suggesting. He'd feel her lips so close to his when she, perhaps with too much glee at this prospect, explained, "I gouge your pretty eyes out." Now she was laughing softly at herself.

[ORIN] He grinned as Cassandra seemingly knew what to do, and he nodded, only then she suggested another option, and she was covering his eyes, blocking his view of her, but he could feel her lips so close to his. He smirked and tilted his chin upward so he could catch her lips in a quick kiss. "I already almost had an eye gouged out... Now you want to threaten to take both of them out?" He laughed and shook his head. "Evil woman..." He wrapped an arm around her, drawing her against him. "You learn quickly..."

[CASSANDRA] She smirked from the quick kiss before giggling quietly. He had been very fortunate to not have lost that eye...and what a pity that would have been. There was something about his gaze that managed to root her to where she stood, make her feel things she probably shouldn't. Not that she listened to that inner voice telling her to stop. Letting her hands fall when he drew her closer, she examined that healing scar of his before finding those eyes. "Only because I have a good and patient teacher..." And she had honestly been eager to learn, even if she was thoroughly distracted now. It was enough to keep her from thinking about leaving, at least for the moment.

[ORIN] He smiled softly to her as she spoke and he looked back into those lovely green eyes. He was a horrible teacher, he thought, because of how distracted he was. He was not used to training beautiful women that he cared for. His hand reached up to tuck strands of hair behind her ear. "Next, I'll show you how to throw a punch." He quickly changed the subject, or else they'd get no where. He took a step back and stood in a stance motioning her to mimic him.

[CASSANDRA] Granted, to be fair, she was just being a good student for once in her life. And that was only because it was him. As distracting as he was, she trusted him. It that made all the difference in the world. Still, she nearly frowned at the change of subject, but she didn't argue it. Now she was amused, but did her best to mimic the way he stood and positioned his arms. "I'm going to break a hand..." she murmured jokingly.

[ORIN] When she was in the stance, he moved her to fix her as needed and he laughed slightly at her comment. "No you won't." When she was in the correct position, he moved back in front of her and moved her hands up as targets so he could show her a punching technique. After showing her, he held up his own hands as targets for her to try. He'd help her through it until she perfected a punch. He grinned softly and nodded. "I think you're a natural..." He laughed. "Do you have any questions? Anything else you want to learn?"

[CASSANDRA] "Right...don't curl my thumb inside..." she muttered, reminding herself not to curl that digit inside her palm, because that was how you broke your hand. As if he hadn't been silently torturing her before, Cassandra was able to fully concentrate on this. It was actually interesting her. Still, her small hands preferred slapping someone clear across the face. When she finally managed to do it right, she was excitedly laughing at herself. It was a bit thrilling, wasn't it? And probably not at all "lady like". "I think you're just being nice," she joked, batting her eyes. "Maybe next time you could show me some of those fancy weapons..." But that stopped her short, and the smile on her face faltered. Not completely while she tried to maintain this euphoric state, yet she didn't know if there would be a next time. Somehow, she still kept her composure and cleared her throat, and her smile was just a little bit forced. "Thank you for this." As fun as it was, it also just made her feel better on many levels.

[ORIN] He was genuinely proud of her for being patient with herself and for paying attention and learning these moves. He also felt better that she did know them now, in case she were ever to run into more bandits or vagabonds not as "nice" as he was. When she expressed she wanted to learn more about the weapons, next time, he looked to her, noticing that smile on her face falter a bit. He knew what she was thinking, and it made him frown as well. But when she thanked him, he simply nodded. "Of course... Anytime." Orin didn't want to think about it, that she was leaving and most likely wouldn't be back. That was his luck--and he had told Aric that, too. Any woman he had gotten close to, either leaves or just wants nothing to do with him anymore. What was he doing wrong?

[CASSANDRA] She was trying so hard to keep it together. The last thing she wanted to do was spend this time crying her eyes out like some pathetic, weak woman. Even as her throat tightened up and felt sore and she knew her eyes glistened gently with unshed tears, she still fought with herself not to breakdown. Neither of them wanted to think about it, but there was something she had to make clear. Slowly closing the short distance between them, she took his face between her hands; hesitating a moment before speaking lest her voice crack and make this impossible. "I may not have the choice now..." she began, drawing in a staggered breath. "But there will be a time when I will." She sounded so sure when she had never once before. Cassandra did not wish to speak of Henry's death or even wish for it, but it was inevitable. They all knew it. Her gaze dropped, focusing on nothing in particular. "If...you truly wish for me to return, if you haven't forgotten me-" A pause, that thought seemed to bother her more than any of this, and her composure faltered a little. Yet a part of her couldn't blame him. "I will make it back," she whispered. "Whatever it takes." And if that didn't sound like she was fighting for her own path in life, nothing else would.

[ORIN] He wasn't expecting her as she came to him and took his face into her hands. His eyes stared at her as she spoke, that piercing gaze stayed on her face, watching her expressions, the tears that welled up in her eyes. Even when she finished, he said nothing. Unsure of what to say, really. He didn't fully understand, mostly because she was contradicting herself. She didn't have the choice now, but she would later? How much later? And what if she didn't? He sighed, maybe a little frustrated, and he slowly pulled her hands away from his face before taking a small step back. "You think I could forget you?" His brows furrowed and he shook his head and let out a saddened laugh. "That's not saying much about me..." Did she think that he just slept around with women and forgot about them? Maybe she did not mean it that way, but he was still slightly stung by her words. She had a husband that she needed to stay with, he understood that. But it didn't mean he wasn't still upset by it. He was a second choice, even if she did not want her first choice. But Orin nodded faintly. "I guess I will be here, then..." Like he had a choice. She wanted him to sit around and wait for her, for how long?

[CASSANDRA] The breath was caught in her throat when he took that step back, letting her hands fall to her lap, curling her fingers into the fabric of her skirt. What did she think? No, she hadn't meant it in that way. Maybe she thought it would be too long, that he would move on or give up...and even as she thought this again, it wasn't a slight against him. It was life. But there she went, saying the wrong things and ruining what could possibly be one of the last moments with him. She could already feel her heart splitting and her stomach twist into tight knots. His response did anything but ease her worry. "Don't do this..." It wasn't an accusation. It was a plead, and her attempt at keeping herself together still. How did her desire to tell him that she wanted to come back, that she would even if it killed her, turn into this? She couldn't think straight. He wasn't a second choice. He was the first choice she had ever wanted to make. I guess I will be here, then... He guessed? "You know I have to go," she started softly, already feeling those walls she had built up beginning to crumble again. "Because...what kind of a person would I be if I left him to die alone?" A horrible, heartless person, was what. Then how could she turn around and expect anyone else to remotely care for her after that? "There was never such a love between Henry and I...but there's always been respect. This marriage kept me from far worse, from Renaud, from every other highborn prick imaginable." Cassandra was getting heated, but it was an anger directed at no one in particular. If anything, she was just feeling desperate. "I don't want to leave...but I would never forgive myself. I need you to understand this..." A sob caught within her throat, but she still refused to cry. "I need you to realize how much this just...fucking kills me."

[ORIN] He stood there, silently watching her still as she tried to explain herself. He already knew, and he wasn't really blaming her, he was just angry at the whole situation. Even still, he couldn't just stand here and act like he was alright and happy about all of it. Was he supposed to? "Mmhmm...." He grunted in response to her, not knowing what else to say. Did she want him to tell her that it was alright? That she was doing the right thing? Of course she was doing the right thing. "I know," was all he could manage to say. "And like I said... I'll be here..." Or maybe he'd just jump on a ship and escape like he used to do before Alexandria made him feel badly for abandoning her so many times.

[CASSANDRA] She stood there breathless. Cassandra wasn't sure what she expected or even wanted to hear, but his seeming lack of empathy had a single tear slide down her cheek before she annoying caught it with a finger. Maybe she needed to hear more, maybe she needed to hear him tell her to come back, and not in grunting short passive-aggressive words. Maybe that was asking for too much. Maybe her own stupidity for even bringing any of this up didn't warrant a response because she didn't know what he was truly thinking. But now he was leaving her with nothing else to say. "Okay, Orin," she finally whispered, shrugging one of her shoulders in defeat. Cass wanted to leave, but she couldn't seem to move. She didn't know what to believe. "I shouldn't have said anything."

[ORIN] Clearly, she was upset at his response, he could see and feel that as the air in the room thickened around them. Brows lowered and he looked at her with that intense stare he often had. His jaw clenched and he pulled his lower lip inward, scraping his teeth through the facial hair below his bottom lip. Finally, he spoke, his voice calm and even-toned. "What would you like for me to say, Cassandra?" He looked at her questioningly before he sighed, defeated. "I do understand... All of it. But you stand here...and play the victim, like I'm not allowed to be upset, and I should just stay here and wait around for you... For how long? Weeks? Months? Years? Never? And if I don't ... Then I am horrible, because I forgot all about you because god forbid I have a life that doesn't revolve around waiting for you to figure out how to take charge of your own life..." He shook his head and sighed. "What would you do if it were the other way around? How would you be feeling right now?"

[CASSANDRA] Maybe she was asking for too much. She really didn't know where her mind was at or where it was going, and perhaps that wasn't fair to him. Even still, she couldn't read his mind. When he withdrew and kept himself quiet, how was she to know? So when he opened up just a little more, it was almost a relief...and almost not. He was leaving her speechless and not in a good way. "However long it takes for my husband to die," she answered him harshly. It felt like she was stabbing Henry in the chest and twisting the knife to finally be saying it out loud. It made her crack and breakdown a bit more. "I'm sorry I can't give you a timeline on that." What was even happening right now? She shouldn't have opened her mouth. Yet again she was ruining this. What if it was always meant to break like this? Cassandra was back stepping, a hand resting against her stomach as though she were going to be ill, but she clung to that anger instead to keep her upright. At his question, she looked at him sharply with those cat-like green eyes. "I would be terrified. I would be lost." Shaking her head, she was done trying to explain that. "Don't you dare say I'm playing victim now. I'm choosing to go because it's the right thing to do. I'm admitting that I choose to return, I'm making that choice...for myself... because, for some unexplainable reason, I want you, you fucking son-of-a-bitch." Well, now she was really angry and couldn't stop. Because she was desperate and it was the only thing keeping her from crying. "But I'm sorry if 'I guess I'll be here' doesn't make me feel like I should uproot my entire life. If you don't believe in me, how the hell am I supposed to believe I can make any choice for myself?" She should have just said this all to begin with, but believe it or not, most of this was new to her.

[ORIN] "Cassandra, stop it." He tried interrupting when she was apologizing for not having a timeline for her husband's death. That wasn't what he was getting at. He didn't know what he was getting at, really. But then she was telling him how she would feel if she were in his shoes. Was he terrified? Maybe not to that extreme, but he was afraid of never seeing her again. Was he feeling lost? Pretty much. He pointed to his head repeatedly as if indicating that she basically hit the nail on the head. So why was she getting so upset with him when she understood how he'd be feeling? Part of him felt like she still wasn't getting it. Or maybe he wasn't? This had become too complicated for him now. She wanted more of a reason to uproot her life than just the fact that he was here. Did she want him to beg her to come back? To express his feelings for her? And then if Henry miraculously got better and lived for several years more, when she'd finally come back, would she hold it against him if he no longer was around? If he had moved on? He was a man of his word and he wasn't going to admit or say something he wasn't sure the outcome of. He wasn't going to tie her down or force her to do anything. He sighed and shook his head, not really sure what to say. Maybe he should have just left the other night when he nearly pushed her away. Finally he spoke, "Now I need to give you a reason to come back? What do you want, flowery poetic words telling you my feelings for you so you'll come running back to me when it's finally convenient for you?" Did she not see or understand how unfair that was to him? If she had respected her husband, maybe she would not have thrown that out the window by sleeping around with him.

[CASSANDRA] They both weren't understanding. They were both being stupid for different reasons, and it was a wonder how they even lasted this long. It hadn't been a terribly long time, and now she feared this was where it would end. All because she tried to make an honest, pure-hearted point that backfired. She didn't want flowery words and lovesick promises...but to hear 'I guess' clearly sent her the wrong message and that was where it all spiraled for her. How else was she supposed to take that? She didn't know what else to do or what he expected of her. If he understood why she must leave, why was he still angry? Why couldn't he sound as though he believed she would return?
All these stupid questions she couldn't seem to get off her tongue because now she was shaking; teetering on the verge of tears yet also anger. Rage. Desperation. Cassandra was fighting to find her voice as he was asking her accusingly of what she expected...until he spoke those last three words, and it was the side of anger she fell to. Raging pain. Taking a few more steps back from him, the gap between them growing more and more, she felt her heart sink. Her hands shook, her heart was racing as her throat tightened up and became sore. "... convenient for me?" That told her that he didn't understand, and it quickly kicked her down a few notches. After everything she told him, he made it sound like it was such a "whatever" thing. This entire thing was unfair to both of them, to her own poor husband she felt so guilty for. It was sad, it was pathetic, but going back to Tresteria was the only thing she could do to make up for her whorish ways. But no, if was simply "convenient", wasn't it? "I guess-" she started with mocking him, but her voice was so quiet because it was about to crack. "This is pointless." There was just no way of making this better or easier for either of them. Breath hitched within her chest because now she was completely losing it even as she tried to maintain the anger and what was left of her dignity. "I'm sorry I have no answer for you. I'm sorry that you don't believe me. I'm sorry for the fucking inconvenience of this all." It was part sarcasm and part not, because she didn't know which was right anymore. Cassandra wanted to tell him goodbye, to not wait for her now as she moved to the exit, but she wasn't strong enough for that. She wasn't strong at all.

[ORIN] Clearly, they both weren't understanding one another and they were going around in circles trying to explain--trying to get the other to see things how they did. But it wasn't working. Were they just too stubborn to see the other side? She was throwing his words around at him, twisting them around to use against him now. He growled angrily and frustrated, walking away from her, turning his back to her for a moment as he tried to gather his thoughts. Maybe he should just walk away, say goodbye and prepare to never see her again. Why would she come back now, after this? He punched one of the training dummies hard, sending it crashing to the floor. "What the fuck, Cassandra!" He whirled around and quickly closed the distance between them, grabbing her face in his hands, forcing her to look at him straight in his own piercing eyes. "It's not fucking pointless!" He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself before he spoke again. "Do you honestly think I can just stand here and be happy.... be alright with you leaving? And having no idea when I will get to see you again? If it were days... weeks....Maybe even months, it wouldn't be a big deal. Don't you think that fucking kills me too?" He shook his head. "It's not that I don't think you will ever be back... It's just that I don't want you to get your hopes up if it's been a long time and I am no longer here... and you come back for nothing.. Fuck... We might have another war here... I might even die, who the hell knows? So... All I'm saying, is if you cannot stay now, then I cannot promise you anything, Cassandra...and I'm sorry if you don't like that answer... But that's the reality... " He let go of her and stepped away from her. He couldn't say anything further about this now. He didn't know what else to say.

[CASSANDRA] She heard the crashing of one of the practice dummies, heard his footsteps closing in, and there was an actual moment of panic where she nearly ran. But she was too slow; he was grabbing her and forcing her to turn around and face him. There was only a split second of fear that flickered across her face before it was gone, replaced with tears, confusion, and what was left of her rage. She even tried to break his hold but failed miserably. Everything was backfiring. Everything was confusing and simply didn't make sense because they just kept sidestepping each other like fools. But she let him vent, and as he stepped away, she didn't know what to say anymore. It was all context. It was all how things were said or not said. They were both horrible at it, it seemed. He had made it sound like it didn't much matter before, like it was no big deal...now he was screaming the truth in her face. Had he just been denying it, trying to save face? Now that it was out there, lingering in the air, how was she supposed to respond? He'd stolen the air right from her lungs. And suddenly, she was so cold when he finally moved away. He must think she was some mad, obsessive woman. Well, then that made him an emotionless, broody bastard some of the time. What a fucking pair. "All I have is hope..." Was that her voice? She could barely hear it in her own ears. There was no argumentative tone this time, because she understood him. He had now made it very loud and clear. And then there she was, on the complete opposite side of the spectrum. All she had was hope to get her through this trip back to Tresteria, through the inevitable that was to follow, to bring her back here in time for...whatever it was. Hope of him, hope of some sort of life that was her own was all that kept her going.
"But I understand," she breathed, wanting him to know that she truly did, even if it killed her. The mention of that war was looming over her now like a shadow, and she couldn't ignore the pain in her heart. Couldn't ignore what he said, the way he just threw it in there almost casually in his anger. "I swear to God, though-" She started off strong, but her voice quickly faltered and broke, and she was nearly sobbing. "If you get yourself killed, you fucking vagabond, I'll just...kill you again myself." What was meant to be some sort of threat, maybe even a mild joking one, or an attempt, was now a desperate, crying plead.

[ORIN] Maybe hope was all they had. But sometimes hope was just that--and nothing more. He had given up on hoping for things a long time ago--and maybe that was what their issue was right now. She was hoping and he was seeing things realistically. Everything he hoped for never came true, so why bother? He couldn't hope for things anymore. He sighed and looked at her when it sounded as though she were about to threaten him for being an asshole, or that he didn't care or that she meant nothing to him-- Something along those lines. But instead, she was threatening to kill him if he died, crying as that threat left her lips. He almost wanted to laugh, but refrained. She'd probably berate him for laughing at a time like this. He sighed heavily and slowly moved back to her, pulling her into his arms and he held her tightly against him. "It'll be ok. I'm sorry..." He spoke quietly against the top of her head. He did not know what would happen or if everything would be okay... But he would give her the hope that she wanted to hear--even if he did not believe in it. "Everything will be fine. We can keep in touch through letters...pigeons...whatever..." He tried to throw in a bit of a joke himself, though probably failed at it. Joking wasn't always his strongest trait. He pulled back just enough to look at her, placing his hands on her face again. "I'm sorry."

[CASSANDRA] She had dreamed...but it wasn't the same thing as hope. Hope was something she may have had as an innocent, little girl, but society molded her into knowing what to expect and what would be expected of her. Now, there was a chance she could choose her own path...and that was hope again. Cassandra never had that before. Ever. When he was coming back to her, she actually made a half step backwards before allowing him to draw her closer. She was desperately trying to get a handle on her emotions before he thought she was completely insane or dramatic. But maybe this was just a dramatic situation. "Don't," she chided him. She sounded stern, but at the same time was resting her head against his shoulder. "Don't apologize." Maybe he should, but she didn't want to hear it. She didn't need it because she could finally understand where he was coming from. It just...hadn't been explained well at first. Even still, this pain just wouldn't go away. Would everything be fine? She didn't know. Nothing was certain, she knew this. As he took her face within his hands, she hesitated before letting those eyes turn to him. Maybe it would have been easier to let him break this off before, to let walk away. Was this more complicated than it needed to be? She didn't know...but she wasn't exactly walking away, either. Perhaps she was a glutton for punishment. Green eyes crinkled just slightly, as if she found some subtle amusement in his attempt at a joke before she simply studied his face. Gently shaking her head, tried to steady her rapidly beating heart. "I'm sorry." It was her turn to apologize. And mean it this time without the sarcasm. "I'm so lost and confused, and sometimes...you just...drive me up a fucking wall." Oddly enough, it was clear she didn't entirely mean that in a bad way. But he made her insane. "I can't...think clearly. I'm just desperate to be right here like you're a goddamn drug." She clearly didn't do flowery words either.

[ORIN] He wasn't the greatest with his words and explaining things; showing emotion or his feelings. It was too complicated for him and he didn't always comprehend it all. So yes, he was horrible at explaining these sorts of things.
He laughed at her words this time, shaking his head. He drove her up a fucking wall? She drove him up that same damn wall. "I can't understand why..." In his mind, he had done nothing to warrant her feeling like he was a drug she was desperate to be around. He was broody and could be an asshole at times. He wasn't an emotional sap or a romantic. Why would any woman want someone like him? He took her face into his hands again and looked her straight in the eye, speaking quietly to her. "But we are all lost and confused... We wouldn't be living life correctly if we weren't... But one day... It will all just click in place and you'll no longer feel confused, and you'll have found your way. It will be alright..." He forced a smile to her before letting his hands fall again.

[CASSANDRA] He was real. Maybe some women needed the romantic gestures every day, the sappy words, but what about the raw and the real? Orin had been that right from the beginning, never hiding behind anything. It kept her in check, made her realize how much of a mask she had been hiding behind, how much of the real world she had been missing. He was everything that she was not. He just...made more sense to her, even if times like this one in particular made it difficult. But this was all so new right now. When his hands fell away, one of hers was curling into his shirt, drawing herself just a little bit closer. "Yes," she whispered. "One day." This time, it didn't sound sad, but certain. And yes, even hopeful. He didn't need to be...because she would hold hope for the both of them. "Now do me a favor..." That hand drifted up to gently run the pad of her thumb across his lower lip; her eyes dropping to his mouth. "Kiss me."

[ORIN] His eyes remained on her as she grabbed hold of his shirt and was touching his lips. She made her request and Orin didn't hesitate. He leaned down into her and kissed her softly and without urgency per usual. His arms pulled her into him, holding her against him tightly, deepening that kiss just a little. Then, he realized that this may be the last time they'd be able to do this, so he was quickly turning that kiss into a heated, passionate one, grabbing hold of her face again, to keep her there with him, not daring to let go of her anytime soon.

[CASSANDRA] How had it gotten to this? Even now she silently asked herself that question. In reality, this didn't make sense, they shouldn't work. She shouldn't be willing to drop everything in Tresteria to return her...but she was. And the moment his lips touched hers, she didn't care about any of that negative shit. She had spoken to Alexandria about missing pieces and some such, and she couldn't help might like how well he fit. In a manner of speaking. Ahem. Maybe she meant that, too. The kiss was unusually soft, even gentle, and Cassandra took that moment to savor the taste of his lips. Until it deepened. Just when her heart had finally begun to slow down, he was making it speed up again. He was grasping her face, and she snaked an arm around his back, kneading at the muscles; her other fingers tightening even more into his shirt. If this was the last time, she wasn't willing to let go just yet.

[ORIN] He was quickly and carefully backing her up until she was against a wall where he pinned her, kissing her deeper now, desperate and hard, like he was expressing how he felt for her, when his words just didn't work for him. This was dangerous, he knew, because someone could walk in at any moment, and he randomly thought of Aric and his lock dilemma. Dammit...he was right! But he didn't really care right now, all that mattered in this moment was her... Was how this kiss made him feel. That he would miss this, among other things... After the longest time of holding that kiss, he slowed it down and finally pulled away, breathlessly. Eyes opened to look at her and he smiled, brushing the side of her face with his thumb. But he had no words. Except, "Would that suffice?" She had asked him for that favor.

[CASSANDRA] Holding onto him, her heart began to race as he slowly backed her up against the nearest wall. There was something about the way he kissed her right now that immediately left her breathless, making those tears return but only a couple trailed down her cheeks as she returned this kiss desperately. Fingers curled tighter into his shirt as one leg instinctively rose up against his side, almost hooking around his thigh. That fear of having to leave grew and grew, making it so hard not to plead with him right then and there to hide her away, or runaway with her, it didn't matter. It was a knot in her stomach that she knew wasn't going to go away. Not until she was back here, just like this, without everything else looming over her. As he drew back, she whimpered; glossy eyes staring at him as she struggled for breath. "For now..." she managed to whisper back. The faint curling of her mouth in a grin made it seem like a promise.

[ORIN] She was making it increasingly difficult to pull away, to have to say goodbye to her. The way she gripped onto his shirt, how she nearly wrapped her leg around his. Why was she torturing him so? He had grabbed hold of her leg, holding it up against him. Piercing eyes looked at her as he tried catching his breath. "For now?" He repeated questioning her. "What else can I do to make it suffice more right now?" Yes, he understood she was hinting that she would be back and demanding more from him at another time, but he wanted to make the best of it right now.

[CASSANDRA] It was very difficult, for so many reasons. There was that desire, there was that simple need just to be in his presence and nothing more. She didn't know for which reason her heart drummed wildly, perhaps it was for both. But she felt rooted there against the wall while he looked at her; her mind fighting with her body, trying to find a logical response. How long did they even have? Should she be doing something else right now? None of it mattered. Not right now. That leg curled around his now, forcing him as close as he could possibly get. "Use your imagination," she whispered in his ear. Despite these actions and words, there was softness to her voice next as she nuzzled her face against his. "Just don't part from me yet." She just needed a little while longer. It didn't matter what they did.

[ORIN] A low growl vibrated in his chest as she wrapped her leg around him and pulled him into her, his body pressed against hers. He placed a hand on the wall next to her head to hold his weight from completely crushing her. His other hand went to her leg, finding his way under her skirt so his rough calloused hand could touch her skin. He slowly ran his hand up her leg until it rested on her behind, squeezing that cheek hard and pulling her hips against his. Her whispered words sent him over the edge. Use your imagination she said, leaving him with a very vague answer, almost as if she were daring him to do something more to her. He sighed and looked into her eyes for a long moment before suddenly letting his lips fall to her neck, planting kisses all along her skin. He whispered into her ear with that deep growling tone, "my imagination is running wild right now....Be careful what you say to me, lady" He tightened his grip on her behind, pulling her hips against his again and went back to kissing her neck.

[CASSANDRA] That growl made her mouth curl into a wry grin, a soft gasp escaping it when she felt him so close. She knew she should've been more wary- although they were behind a closed door, it was still a public room. Although it was empty of everyone else right now, there was a slight chance it wouldn't be. But the risk is what made this moment all the more addicting, and she wasn't ashamed to admit it. She didn't want to move. Another gentle gasp, she bit her bottom lip when that hand found skin, forcing her that much closer. Cassandra was daring a lot of things right now, and she really didn't care. Her guilt was already putting her on that boat tomorrow...what more did her fucking conscience want from her now? She shuddered softly from those kisses, those words, and she was no longer wishing for anything innocent anymore. She had made this happen, maybe almost subconsciously. Tilting her head to allow him better access to her neck, she tried to find words. "Being careful...isn't one of my strong suits," she admitted quietly. And that was quite obviously the truth. Hands gently urged his face up so she could look at him, her lips hovering close to his as she fought with whether to just kiss him or say what was on her mind. She was being split in two, torn between that carnal need and the hurt of knowing she was going to be torn from him. It killed her. Even her actions were quite the opposite of her words as she brushed fingertips lovingly along the scarred side of his face, "Just one more time." Voice was barely audible as eyes were fixated on his mouth. "Make me feel alive one more time..."

***

[ORIN] He didn't want to let go of her, did not want to part from this kiss. Because the moment he did, the moment this would come to an end, for however long. But the longer they lingered like this, the more danger they would be in for someone to enter and catch them like this. Just a little bit longer. He sighed into her mouth, keeping that desperate kiss going. His hands were on her face, fingers filtering through her hair as he held her there against the wall, his body pressing against hers. After a long moment, he finally pulled away slowly, his eyes opening to stare at her with that fierce piercing gaze. His voice escaped his lips breathlessly and in a whisper. "Will that suffice?" He repeated his question to her.

[CASSANDRA] Would it be so terrible if they were caught? Would it really matter at this point? Cassandra knew she shouldn't be thinking this way, but it was difficult not to as he crushed her against the wall again, trying to steal what breath she had left. It made her shiver, made her want to lose herself to him all over again, made her want to cry with the heartache she knew was inevitable. No matter what she hoped or promised- she still had to leave. Although he finally pulled back after another moment, she didn't open her eyes just yet, desperately trying to catch her breath. It was when she heard his voice did she look at him, keeping herself upright against the rough stone as her mouth curled into a wry smile. "Yes..." For now, she stopped herself from saying again.

[ORIN] He stood there catching his breath as he stared at her. Her one-worded answer made him smile, if only slightly, and he nodded. "Good." He leaned into her and placed a couple of kisses to her neck before whispering in her ear. "I don't want you to forget my touch... My mouth... My cock..." He ran his tongue up her neck before finding her ear again. "Will you find another to please you?" Part of him wouldn't blame her. The other part of him would be madly jealous and upset if she did. He didn't know which side to take--understanding or jealousy.

[CASSANDRA] It were as though he didn't want her ever catching her breath, because her heart was fluttering all over again with those kisses to her neck; then she was practically not breathing at ll as she heard his voice at her ear. Did he know what that did to her? The sensation of his tongue made her completely shudder, making her fingers curl tightly into his shirt. It took everything within her not to claim his mouth again, and perhaps it was that question. A question that should have upset her because it should have brought them right back to the very argument they just had. But it didn't. Instead, she steadied herself even though her knees still shook, and those green eyes watched him from beneath dark lashes. "Understand me when I say...I've not done this before," she began to explain. She'd never full-out cheated on her poor husband before, despite what many in Tresteria would say. She had flirted, she had kissed...but never this. Never this far. Perhaps he didn't understand just what that meant. "I've never allowed things, with anyone, to get this far. I've already told you that I will be back..." No matter what it cost. It was her choice, and may God damn her if He deemed it not right. She didn't care. She flat out didn't give a shit anymore about it because her mind was made up. Fingers unfurled from his shirt so that she could firmly grasp his chin, letting her attention drop to his mouth in contemplation. "I could love a man like you." It was a quiet afterthought, almost as though she hadn't realized she said it. Maybe she already did let her heart drift that far, maybe she was denying it for so many reasons because she thought it was foolish, or the logical part of her mind didn't believe it or think saying anything remotely of the sort would make him run for the hills. But it was what it was, with no scary underlining. Because she could love a man if she ever knew what that kind of love was even like. If she was ever given the chance.

[ORIN] Brows furrowed slightly and then lowered at he stared at her while she admitted she'd never done this before. She had told him before, but for some reason it was hitting him harder now as she explained it again. But as she was grasping his chin and admitted to him something completely crazy, Orin let out a small laugh and shook his head, pressing his finger to her lips. "No." He said simply and paused for a moment as he regarded her. "No you couldn't." He didn't want to believe her, or that anyone could love him, really. Because he had thrown those walls up long ago. He did what he blamed his sister for--pushed when people got too close to breaking through those walls. He shook his head again. "Don't say something like that, without knowing..." His eyes narrowed but remained wide, causing them to twitch slightly. "...You have no idea what kind of man I am... what I can be like." He wasn't in the mood to argue with her again about all this again, soche bit his tongue to prevent himself from saying she'd be better off staying in Tresteria and finding a true and good man to give her heart to. That he had no idea why she had chosen a man like him to do this with, but never allowed it with anyone else. There wasn't anything special about him and he didn't deserve to have her if that was the case.

[CASSANDRA] She had been surprised to hear herself say it, when she finally had realized it. It still wasn't a confession but a quiet contemplation. A "what if", a possibility her still thundering heart had been wondering about. Could this simply be physical attraction? It was possible, but she could neither confirm nor deny anything right now. And it was why she wouldn't argue much with him, or maybe it was because she was still feeling good. Cassandra just watched him, studying every inch of his face while he tried to tell her no, tried to tell her what her own heart should feel. Ignorant man. "Oh, I couldn't?" It actually made her grin as she idly repeated his words as though it were a challenge. Despite the soft look of amusement on her face, this wasn't a laughing matter. The point of it all was that she, herself, still didn't know why she was standing there even now. Why she had been drawn to him. Why she wished to come back to him. All of this should have worried her, should have made her aggressive and start that fight all over again...but she still didn't. "Then...what kind of a man are you?" she inquired lightly. He was fighting this, and unfortunately, that had piqued her interest. "What can you be like?" Because she already told him what she saw- he was hardened, he was blunt, but he was honest and genuinely cared when the time called for it, when he didn't have to be. What else was she missing?

[ORIN] That intense gaze of his remained on her face as she questioned him. What kind of man was he, really? He honestly wasn't sure. Or he didn't want to admit it who he really was. Or maybe he really didn't know. He sighed and leaned in towards her, speaking quietly. "Are you sure you really want to know? You might not want to come back if I tell you..." He figured that him only saying that would pique her interest even more, so he stood up straight, taking a step away from her, and he started to explain the best he could. "I'm dark, and broody... As you say." He folded his arms over his chest and regarded her. "I'm not... Never have been good with my emotions. I'm not capable of this thing you call love... I don't even know what it is... Other than it causes hurt and inevitably unhappiness..." He shrugged and was silent a moment as he contemplated his words. "I have never stayed in a relationship for more than a year... Either because they've gotten sick of me...can't handle that I can't give them emotional intimacy... Or I get bored and stray... I disappear and go out to sea for long periods of time... Ask my sister how many times I've abandoned her..." He laughed sadly and shook his head, turning away from her. "No woman wants that..."

[CASSANDRA] A part of her wondered if she really wanted to know. Whatever it was, he seemed so adamant about it, and yes, it all just piqued her curiosity even more. Maybe his response should have bothered her in some way, and it was really weird that it wasn't. Or perhaps everything just wasn't registering in her mind yet. Cassandra frowned lightly when he took that step away, but she remained where she was against the wall, listening to him try to explain. The duchess was silent, regarding him with a gentle cant of her head, those green eyes narrowing softly in mild curiosity, but she said nothing...even if she grinned just slightly at his mention of not being good with his emotions. Oh, she already knew that, and it wasn't necessarily something she could blame him for. Not everyone was an open book. She wasn't entirely. She wanted to ask why he would think love inevitably brought unhappiness, but she bit her tongue for the moment. It was a strange thing to say, really. What did she know of love- a love that wasn't friendship or family? Was it any different? Did it even matter? Silent for a long minute after he turned around, her eyes never moved from him as she contemplated what to say, biting down on her bottom lip. "Then why does it matter if I come back or not?" she eventually asked. Her voice was quiet but not pained. It was curious and not insinuating or hinting to an argument. It was just an honest question, and he was the most honest person she knew. Then, Cass would ask the same question he asked her, "Will you find another to please you?" As much as she wanted to snake her arms around his waist, rest her head between his shoulders, she stayed where she was.

[ORIN] He turned to face her again as she questioned him, but he leaned back against the bench and watched her for a long moment as he pondered his answer. He was an honest person, and even though he wanted to lie... to sugar coat things to try not to push her away, he couldn't think of anything to say to do so. He shook his head. "Maybe it doesn't matter? For you anyway... Because I am selfish and want to see you... To feel you again... To have you all to myself... But I probably will eventually hurt you, and you will hate me and wish you never came back..." Her next question, he pondered even longer, because he wasn't sure of his answer. He wouldn't openly go looking for someone to please him. He wouldn't have the time, especially with the war. But it all depended on how long it'd take her to come back, and if she even did. So he just shrugged his shoulders to answer her. "Depends." he simply said, as if that one word said exactly and everything he was thinking.

[CASSANDRA] She had to fight that urge to go to him again once he turned around. There was no saying how this would end, if this would end well, but she was holding onto hope. Still, she was holding onto hope, even if he had done. There was still no anger on her face, even if her heart had fallen a little deeper into her stomach. He was so sure on everything going downhill. "Depends?" she echoed lightly, her brows lifting in curiosity again. "On what? Whether I take too long?" It may have stung, but it was the truth and what they had already spoken about. She wanted the truth, nothing more, and he was giving it to her. Cass finally pushed off the wall to take a step closer, but still couldn't trust herself to touch him. She wanted to be as clear minded as possible...and she rarely was whenever she was close to him. "If you're so...adamant...about possibly hurting me, then should I just not bother?" Another step, her words (although managing to be devoid of even anger still) were contradicting her body language, and she almost wanted to just ignore everything he had just said. But his words and actions from before were contradicting him a little now. Maybe they were both just hypocritical, walking contradictions.

[ORIN] He was never an optimistic person, so of course he would be so sure on everything going downhill. A simple nod was given in response to her question on what his depends meant. "I suppose so..." He watched her as she pushed away from that wall and moved towards him. She was being calm and not flipping out on him as he half expected her to, so it was making him weary. "I just told you... You'll end up hating me and will wish you never came back. So you tell me, do you want to bother with that?" Perhaps this was his defense mechanism, as it was Alexandria's. Just push away and avoid it all. It was easier that way. And he suddenly felt horrible for what he had said to Alexandria--only, Aric had been trying to hard, and he felt he didn't deserve to be pushed away. He sighed and stared at her. "Cassandra.... You deserve to be happy--and I don't make people happy..."

[CASSANDRA] It was strange, wasn't it? She was normally one that was ruled by her emotions, and she should be flipping out about now. But, maybe, she was letting other emotions move her now...and it was eerily calm. Perhaps it was because she knew what he was doing, or at least sensed it. He was trying to find the negative when there simply was none yet. Another step, she was standing right in front of him again as she canted her head, staring at him with so many questions running through her head. He was turning that question around on her without answering it himself. "Are you always this daft?" she finally spoke. Although her question was spoken in jest, there wasn't any humor on her face. And still, she wasn't annoyed. Why couldn't she be annoyed? Was she drunk? Fingers were gripping his chin a little more firmly now, her voice a bit more stern. "First off...no one tells me how I'm supposed to feel and what I deserve," she began. Hadn't he told her numerous times to take control of her own life? Fuck you, hypocrite. "Secondly. I'm still here. Maybe I'm a masochist. Or maybe I don't believe this bullshit." Funny how she managed to remain mostly calm now, despite the curses. Perhaps he really was a drug and she wasn't thinking clearly. "So answer my question, vagabond," she quietly demanded. And it was going to be the last time she bothered to ask it. "Tell me not to bother, or drop all of this nonsense and let me decide what's best for me." Maybe he does become an asshole and pushes her away. Maybe she becomes an unbearable, screaming banshee and shoves him away. But the fact remained- they didn't know, and she was already taking a risk to follow her conflicting heart and mind.

[ORIN] His jaw tightened as she moved closer to him. Was he always this daft? Maybe. But what was wrong with her? Why was she not reacting, storming out of the room and telling him to fuck off. She had the first time he tried pushing her away earlier. He felt conflicted now, as she spoke, his eyes staring at her, daring not to look away. "You just told me not to tell you how to feel or what you deserve... I am not going to tell you not to bother.. You can make your own choices. But I am warning you... That's all I am doing... No bullshit or nonsense. Just the truth and what I have dealt with my whole life. You barely know me, Cassandra. For all you know, I could just be using you to get you in bed with me...because you feel and make me feel amazing... And maybe that's all I want or care about..." He really didn't know. He didn't know if this was just a physical thing, or if it had grown into something more. But he did care for her, he just wasn't sure how or why. "I told you... I am a selfish man... I could lie to you and say you should bother, just so I could have you back... But how long will it last?"

[CASSANDRA] In truth, maybe she was the only daft one. Then again, it was difficult to believe anything he said right now. Perhaps this had all started and revolved around sex...but it was a little more for her now. She wasn't wishing to pick out curtains or anything, but she wasn't ignoring this, whatever it was. And she couldn't forget how he had comforted her on several occasions, all carnal emotions aside, how he had helped her after the horrendous thing she had done. No. Call her an idiot, but it was hard to ignore that, and it was probably why she grinned wryly. That was why she wasn't yelling at him now, even as he insisted he was selfish, that it could just be desire. She'd have to be awfully good for him to want her back all the way from Tresteria for purely selfish reasons. And that felt far fetched to her. "Yes, for all I know..." she idly repeated, almost as if she hadn't heard him. Yeah, maybe she was going crazy. He was selfish, and she was crazy. So, what of it? Perhaps she was reaching too high now, maybe a part of her was hoping for too much. She needed to back off, leave it be, take one step at a time but she couldn't seem to. She should be mad, furious, screaming at him...and she wasn't. There was no scream within her left. Cass leaned in to press the softest kiss to his lips, wondering if she should just leave it at that. "Will you forgive me, then...if I wind up not heeding your warning?" she asked in a whisper. Meaning, if she came back...but she was already forgetting about the warning. There was no future in Tresteria for her; she felt something here. Maybe it was him, maybe it wasn't...but she'd be damned to ignore it.

[ORIN] Why wasn't she running? She wasn't budging despite him pushing her away, warning her that he'd destroy her life if she hung around him. He was puzzled by her now, especially as she leaned in and kissed him. His hands immediately went to her hips, drawing her in closer to him and he kissed her back, however short and soft it was. At her question, he just stared at her for a long moment before he spoke quietly in that low, raspy voice. "It's your life..." he said simply. Would she hold it against him if he ended up being right, and he hurt her? He did warn her. His shoulders lifted in a shrug. "There'd be nothing to have to forgive."

[CASSANDRA] Maybe this was what happened when she finally snapped? Or maybe she was finally seeing things clearly, finally choosing for herself. He did warn her, and although she didn't believe a word of it, she knew at the back of her mind there was a risk. There was also a risk of her screwing things up since she was apparently good at that now, too. "Good," she said simply. It was her life. "I hear you, I do." A pause, she idly smoothed out the front of his shirt. "But I can't stay there...I don't want to be there. Whether...whatever this is works or not-" Holding back a sigh, she lifted those eyes back to his face. "I'm coming back." Although she had already said it, it felt refreshing to sound so absolutely sure now. It felt good to take control. "And even if I may have already frightened you off-" She grinned lightly, wondering if that simple thought had worried him, a thought she didn't even quite understand herself. "Know that I haven't been." No matter what he said. She was still a woman, for sure, but she liked to think she was made of stronger stuff. Hands gripped his shoulders. "And when I return...this is where I'd like to be, if you'll allow it." Cassandra wasn't being flowery, just incredibly honest. That fear of getting hurt was there, despite how she appeared, but why dwell on something that hasn't happened yet? That may not happen? One day at a time.

[ORIN] His gaze remained on her--never moving or faltering from her face as she spoke. His hands gripped tightly to her hips and he pulled her a little closer as he glanced down at her, watching as she smoothed out his shirt. She was admitting that he hadn't frightened her off, despite the negative words he spoke of himself. Did she not understand him? Did she not see that he could possibly be a horrible man? He did not believe he had done anything to warrant her from thinking that she could fall in love with him, as she had claimed she may. It was foolish. Cassandra was just a foolish woman who only thought these things because he had been the first to make her feel alive in how long? Because he spoke the truth because no one else did? He really didn't know. But he wasn't going to argue with her. He sighed quietly and lifted a hand to place under her chin. "Alright." He finally responded. One day at a time--it was all they could do right now, and after she returned. She had changed. Maybe she believed he could, too? Or did she even want him to change? "If you don't change your mind..." He smirked slightly and leaned into her, pressing another quick and soft kiss to her lips. "Can we write to one another?" He finally asked, unsure if that would be too risky should their letters get into the wrong hands.

[CASSANDRA] It was possible that she was asking for a lot... without actually asking for it. She hadn't made a confession- they didn't know enough of each other, but something had compelled her to think about it. And that seemed a good, albeit strange step in the right direction. To her, anyway. He had other opinions and he was certainly entitled to them. She just silently hoped she didn't...well, scare him away now with all of this. He'd done enough to warrant her full attention, her body, and desire to return, and that was it so far. A gentle, content sigh when he still held her close, even leaning in for another brief kiss, she smiled at his question. Cassandra even appeared a little surprised by it. "You would write to me?" Her features softened as she was in sudden awe. This expression held even while she suddenly teased him so subtly, "I didn't think you could write." It was hard not to let that smile spread wide across her face since she clearly didn't mean it. "But I would love that," she added softly.

[ORIN] He smirked and narrowed his eyes at her. “Of course I can write. I am actually good at it, too…Better at it than speaking…” He laughed and shrugged his shoulders. Orin didn’t know why that was. Maybe because he wasn’t under the pressure of responding right away, trying to think of what to say and how to say it. For a while, he had kept a journal, just to get his thoughts down. But he’d never admit that to anyone. It was so out of character even for him. “See… You know nothing about me,” he teased, jokingly. There were probably a lot of things about him that would surprise her. And he was sure there were a lot of things about her that he didn’t know and might surprise him, too. Maybe if they’d spend their time together getting to know each other, instead of the physical interaction they always fell into. He sighed and glanced around before looking to her again. “We should probably go.” Whether it was separate ways, or together, somewhere else, he didn’t care. Though, he imagined she had packing to do.

[CASSANDRA] "I wouldn't say nothing," she added. They had both, surprisingly, shared tidbits about each other. Not a lot, and perhaps not enough for her...but she also wasn't one to pry. Yes, how strange was that? Cassandra, under different circumstances, was nothing but a nag. She leaned into him, gently nuzzling against his cheek where she whispered, "We just have a bad habit of doing more of...other things than talking." Not that she was complaining. At all. However, now she just wanted to know more, to understand how or why he could speak so ill of himself. Just...maybe now wasn't the time for that. That was the very problem- there wasn't any time left, really. She would have to be satisfied with those letters he would apparently write to her. Cassandra drew back when he spoke again, her expression suddenly sobering. There was packing to do, and she wished she could care more about it. "I suppose you're right," she finally said, holding back a sigh of her own. She couldn't lock herself away in here and hope tomorrow never came.

[ORIN] He chuckled softly as she whispered to him of their bad habit. "I wouldn't call it a bad habit... I think it's a rather good one, actually..." He smirked and shrugged his shoulders. He sighed quietly when she agreed with him. They couldn't stay here all night, and yes, their time together was running low as the evening came and would soon leave. "Oh... I almost forgot." He reached into his pocket and pulled something out, taking her hand and slipping a ring onto the finger where she used to wear the one she had given him. "So you'll have something to remember me now." It was his mother's. And although it wasn't as extravagant as hers was, it was a simple ruby on a plain band. "Sorry it's not very fancy.. I don't come from a noble family." He laughed slightly and shrugged his shoulders.

[CASSANDRA] Without that "bad habit" they wouldn't have gotten to know each other as little as they had. Maybe that wasn't something a lady should be proud of, but...she wasn't exactly feeling very remorseful over her decision. It made her grin wider after he seemed to admit the same. Then he was reaching for something, and Cassandra watched him silently and curiously before he was slipping something onto her pointer; the finger which had been feeling naked without that particular ring that she idly wondered if he still wore around his neck. Green eyes dropped to look at the red stone, at the ring he deemed "not very fancy". That actually made her laugh softly, toying with it on her finger. Now, he was fortunate that she wasn't like that obnoxious floozy who was hanging all over him at the reception because this could be totally misconstrued. But this still meant something to her, and it softened her expression. "It's lovely, thank you," she told him honestly, forcing herself only to kiss him briefly because she couldn't start that again. But she would murmur against his mouth, "Although, I don't need anything to remember you." Cassandra seemed okay now. She seemed confidant. However, she knew that the pain in her heart would return the very moment she set foot upon that ship.

[ORIN] He seemed very contradicting. Trying to push her away yet gives her something that should have been reserved for a woman he loved. Though it was far from an engagement ring, it was still the gesture that she was important enough to carry something that belonged to his mother. He hadn’t told her what the ring meant to him, just that it was part of his family. She could assume if she’d want to and think what she wanted to. He kissed her back, briefly and opened his eyes to look at her as she murmured against his mouth. He smirked and let out a small laugh. “Maybe not… But if you look at it, and smile every time, then it will be as if I am there with you.” At least that is what her ring around his neck did for him when he saw it or felt it against his chest.
He rubbed his hands up and down her arms before he pulled away from her. “Come on…” He motioned to the door. They could not linger here any longer and time was running low for them, unfortunately. Though, he wished he could just keep her locked away, not allowing her to leave. But he knew he couldn’t, what good would that do? He sighed quietly and moved to the door, holding it open for her. As they stepped out into the hall, Orin looked to her again and hesitated a moment. “I…. I’m not sure I will be able to see you off… So maybe, this is goodbye?”

[CASSANDRA] Yes, he was very contradicting...which was precisely why it was difficult for her to believe him when he said he was a bad man. Even more so after he had given her this ring, one that was seemingly a family heirloom of sorts. If she had known it was his mother's, well...there would certainly be no way for her to believe him. The sentiment was lovely as is, but that would have meant so much more to her if she knew. Perhaps it would have made it that much harder to leave if she did... Although, his words were quickly making that happen, because again...after not having hope, after all the truth he said, he uttered something almost borderline sappy? Excuse her while she grinned like an idiot, biting down on her bottom lip as if trying to contain herself. Cassandra didn't trust herself to reply, but she kept turning that ring around and around on her finger even as they stepped back out into the hall. And suddenly, that happy bubble around them popped. Her expression sobered a little, and she drew in a staggered breath. 'So maybe, this is goodbye?' Swallowing the hard lump in her throat, she slightly nodded while trying to maintain that euphoric feeling of just seconds ago. It was going to be impossible. A hand pressed to his chest affectionately. "Yes," she breathed. "For now." She was saying those words in such a different context now. They hurt to say now. Already feeling those eyes well up with tears, she didn't care if anyone was watching- this was the very last time. Those fingers curled into his shirt to draw him down into one more, deep and drugging kiss before she completely succumbed to ridiculous emotion. It only lasted a moment, but it would have to suffice. Those eyes were still closed as she drew away, taking a couple steps back. "Write to me..." she quietly pleaded, opening those eyes to look at him before, with all the strength she had left, she turned to walk away.

[ORIN] He noticed her eyes welling up with tears and he frowned, wishing there was something he could do to stop her from crying. His arms wrapped around her as she pulled him into that deep kiss, once again. He kissed her back, not wanting to let go--Forgetting that they were now out in the hallway and anyone could see them. When she finally drew away, he sighed and looked at her as she took those steps back from him. At her request, he nodded. "I will." But as she turned to walk away, he rushed forward and grabbed her arm, twirling her around so he could pull her into one more kiss. A kiss as deep as the last one, before he quickly pulled away and turned, walking down the hallway and away from her before he could change his mind again.

[CASSANDRA] Hope. It was all she had. And it had to be enough, despite what he thought. Despite what he said. Cassandra couldn't let go of it, or let go of him, or all the "what ifs"...she just couldn't. In reality, he was probably the truest friend she had, even if they didn't know everything about each other. Sometimes you didn't need to know everything to understand someone, to have that connection, any connection. And that was why she felt this attachment, that it was more than just physical attraction. Maybe, when the day came that she could leave Tresteria and make the choice to come back here, things would change. Or they would simply be the same. She hadn't complained yet so it mattered not. And when he drew her back for one more kiss, she clung to him almost desperately; the softest of whimpers fleeing from her throat as she returned it almost feverishly...until he ultimately had to let her go. He was walking away, leaving her breathless. Leaving her saddened and worried...but also optimistic with a flutter in her heart. Cass wasn't often very optimistic, either. Green eyes dropped to that lovely ruby as she now forced herself to turn and walk the opposite way, making herself not look back. This would all be okay. This would suffice. For now.