Post by Cassandra Demarais on Mar 26, 2020 22:07:31 GMT -5
[CASSANDRA] She spent the last hour wandering. As exhausted as she was, there was no way she could stand still or stay in that room right now. She walked around the courtyard to clear her head a little, even if the night was fairly frigid. She wandered the halls aimlessly, idly watching the guards and the few servants still awake. Everything just felt so quiet and still...maybe because the last two days had been a horrible blur. Yet, she couldn't bring herself to sleep. Not yet. Orin's words still echoed in her ears, the sight of Alexandria so broken was burned into her mind... Without fully realizing it, she found herself in front of Orin's door. Cassandra had no idea if he was even in there, but this was the first place she'd look. Fingers curled, knuckles ready to rap upon the door, but she was hesitating. He had been furious, fed up, and maybe managed to get some sleep which she no doubt figured he needed. Sighing, she pressed her forehead against the wood, her hand reluctantly hovering before she finally knocked softly. She just needed to talk. And if he closed the door back in her face, she would still speak and leave.
[ORIN] He had started to finally drift off to sleep, but he was so restless, the quiet knock startled him. He sat up and glanced around the room confused. Had he actually heard a knock? He grumbled tiredly and stood from his bed, walking over towards his door and flung it open, half expecting to see no one there. But instead, tired eyes fell upon Cassandra. He sighed and shook his head. "If you are looking for an apology.. You're not getting one... I meant everything I said. And you shouldn't be here, anyway.." Clearly, he was still angry.
[CASSANDRA] Her back straightened when that door was flung open; a small gasp fled passed her lips. Perhaps a part of her didn't expect an answer, and now that he was standing there grumbling at her, she couldn't very well turn around. A frown fell on her lips, but she didn't berate him back. Not yet anyway. "I might be a stuck up bitch," she repeated his words quietly and a little sharply. "But no, I'm not looking for an apology. I'm not looking for anything but to talk." Okay, so that last part was a little snarky, which might have been a good indication that she was finding herself again...but she didn't feel like it inside. Because the moment she finished speaking, she felt her throat close up again and her gaze drop. Maybe she should wait to see if he allowed her inside, but she just started letting the words slip off her tongue now. "I was afraid, Orin. I'm...still afraid." Her face scrunched a little as she struggled to remember everything she had wanted to say, yet knew she already forgot half of it. "I was afraid of losing more of my family, of what...Edward would continue to do." She kept her voice quiet, needing to turn away from him and lean back against the wall just next to the door. "And now, I'm terrified of what I did...because I wonder if...I would have done it were it some stranger. I don't even know myself anymore, and I can't figure out if that is a bad thing." Small hand clenched, slamming back into the stone behind her at her side in this stupid frustration. It was only a little easier to talk when she wasn't looking at him. "I took a stupid risk because I was afraid of losing everyone. Because I'm too weak to live without them. Without you. And I would do it all again if I had to." Really, what did any of this solve? She was just venting to the man who was frustrated to hell with her and all that had happened. "Dammit, I don't fucking know..." she murmured to herself.
[ORIN] He stared down at her with very little expression on his face, aside from the tiredness that lingered on him, as she began speaking and trying to explain herself to him. She already had explained why she had done it to him and he understood. That wasn't what he was so angry about. Cassandra had turned away from him and leaned on the wall outside his door, so he leaned against the doorframe and watched her as she continued to ramble on. He let her and did not interrupt. But when it seemed like she was finished, he still stayed silent for a few moments longer. Finally, he spoke. His voice stern and aggravated still. "But you could care less that maybe others don't want to live without you? Just throw your whole life away because it doesn't matter. You can't live without them...But what does that even matter if you end up without a head and you're not with them, anyway, in the end? Did you even think about that, Cass? You have no idea what we all went through to try and get you out of this....And the only reason we were was because someone had been doing it all along... That's your saving grace... Someone else was killing him. You just made the final blow..." He wasn't sure if anyone had told her this yet, but he was. And if they hadn't, she would be on her way home to Tresteria preparing to lose her head.
[CASSANDRA] Leaning her head back against the wall as he spoke, she shut her eyes as a couple of tears streamed down her cheeks. But that was all she could shed, because she had already cried far too much already. Her stomach twisted into knots and her heart ached since she had an answer for him but didn't want to say it. But she was already weakened, so what was a little more? His mention of someone already having been poisoning Edward made her pause...and she immediately knew who it was. Orin wouldn't have to tell her because she just knew. It was how Renaud knew she had undoubtedly dealt "the final blow". He had spoken to her as if they were so similar. Now, she thought she was going to be sick. "I did think about it!" she finally exclaimed in a whisper, still refusing to turn around. She didn't want to see that annoyance and disappointment on his stupid, handsome face. "I thought that it was safer and better to lose the arm candy of a Duke than both the king and prince of Tresteria! But what you really want to hear is that I'm weak. That I'm selfish because I rather take the easy way out than suffer the pain of losing someone. And it's true. You're right." Her arms lifted in a shrugging gesture because she truly wasn't arguing that fact. "And I shouldn't have fucking told you anything." All she did was inconvenience them all, and now she just felt completely defeated. She shouldn't have come here.
[ORIN] He finally moved out of his doorframe and out into the hallway, standing in front of her. Grabbing hold of her chin, he forced her to look at him. "Weak? No. Selfish...Yes. And no." He shook his head and let go of her, sighing. "But you did tell me, Cassandra. And I couldn't bear the thought of you dying for him... For a man who completely lost his mind and hurt you, Aric... my sister...His own wife..." He knew she wanted to stop him from further hurting others, but that wasn't his point. He fell silent, staring at her as the silence lingered between them. Unsure of what else to say, he just shrugged his shoulders and looked down the empty hallway before turning back to her. "I'm not sure I can be involved in this anymore..." He motioned between the two of them and sighed. "I can't just be.... nothing, like this... And at any moment, you're gone.. Back to Tresteria.. Onto your next arranged marriage or next suitor.. Because you're too afraid to take charge of your own life... Unless it's to put yourself at risk because, you know... You don't matter to anyone...and you're just a piece of arm candy to a Duke... And that's all you'll ever allow yourself to be..." He frowned and shook his head again. "I'm sorry, Cassandra... Go back to your husband."
[CASSANDRA] Although he grabbed her chin, she didn't look at him right away; her own hand almost coming up to swat his away. But eventually those green eyes lifted to find his face, swallowing back her tears. She was done with crying, even if what he was about to tell her was going to make everything ten times worse. He couldn't be involved with...this anymore. Orin kept talking and she felt her throat close up more, felt her heart sink further down to her stomach and she wanted to ignore everything he had said. But how could she when it was like a knife in her chest? Cassandra hadn't thought about what would happen with Edward gone and whenever Henry passed. It had always been a thought that plagued her up until recently, and she didn't know why. A sob shook her deep within the chest, unable to look away from him as the reality and shock of this all came crashing down on her. Didn't she expect this? Didn't she know that this, whatever it was, would have to end at some point? Suddenly, she couldn't stop the tears, but she was glaring up at him now, desperately trying to keep herself together. "Fuck you." Those words left her lips in a harsh whisper, and she thought she might smack him but her hands were shaking too much. "That...was the first choice I made...as me, for me. It might have been stupid, but I made it without anyone dictating it." Her stomach was churning, and the last thing she was going to do was break down like some heartbroken sap in front of him, even if she was. So, she took that frustration out on him and shoved him away as hard as she possibly could, feeling like she would suffocate between him and the wall. "And my husband has done more for me than I had ever realized. I cannot just abandon him now because my heart has strayed. The least I could do is be there with him when he passes..." He deserved far better than that. A far better wife than she ever was.
She was choking on her sobs now, frustrated with herself and unable to handle this pain and rejection. For a moment, it looked as though she was going to say something more...but she had nothing left. And what was the point now? Without even looking at him, knowing she would break down further (and to hell with him seeing her cry anymore), Cassandra moved to rush back down the hall.
[ORIN] He expected her to lash out at him. To slap him, to shove him away. So when she shoved him away from her, he stumbled back and just stood there, silently as she berated him, and he took it, unwavering and lacking much emotion. Cassandra hadn't made this easy. But when he watched as she was dragged away from him, it killed him. It made him realize that he had feelings for her, and he was going to lose her. If not now from her treason, then later on, because why would a woman like her want to be with a man like him? He wasn't a noble or of royalty. If his family hadn't cared for Alexandria, he would be a simple nobody. Orin had been there for Cassandra to ease her troubles and console her... And now he was the reason for her tears--and it hurt. As she rushed away from him and down the hall, he hesitated between going after her and letting her go. He was so tired. Both physically and emotionally and he wasn't sure what to do anymore. What made sense or didn't make sense. Was all of this a dream? Because he was starting to feel delusional. And almost without his control, his feet were carrying him towards her and he was grabbing her hand and pulling her around to face him again. Only, he had no idea what to say to her. So, he just stared, his eyes burning through hers. "You didn't let me finish." His voice almost a deep growl in his chest.
[CASSANDRA] No. No, she couldn't handle this. She was on the verge of breaking down completely when he decided to make things all the more worse. He stopped her from going much further, spinning her back around and she almost slapped him again. Almost struggled to free herself so that she could run away this time. It had all been a dream. A wonderful, ignorant dream that had to come to an end. She didn't know what her future would hold for her, knowing she would not be tied to Henry for much longer...but that was just it. She didn't know. There was no mad king to tell her what she could and couldn't do anymore. Everything was suspended in the air, and things could change drastically. Or, they wouldn't. Those blue-green eyes managed to keep her stationary despite her pounding heart; her own gaze fluctuating with anger and daring to portray her weakness. "Then finish," she whispered sternly. "So I may try to find what's left of my dignity." And pick up all those shattered pieces of her heart. Every second she stood there, another piece fell, threatening to crumble completely.
[ORIN] He continued to stare at her for a moment longer. Almost as if he were hesitating to say anything else. Just say forget it and let her go. But that pain in her eyes kept him there, kept him grounded right in front of her, not wanting to move. His own heart pounded in his chest, but his expression showed no sign of anything until he finally spoke quietly. "When they dragged you away from me... I realized something... Became afraid of something. Felt something... Something that I didn't want to believe... But there it was.... Despite me wanting to keep this as nothing…” He took her chin into his fingers again, forcing her to look at him, and he wouldn't say anything until her eyes were on him. "I'm not ready to let you go... I can't... I want you.. here with me... And I'm afraid to lose you."
[CASSANDRA] These undulating emotions were going to drive her insane. But this was Orin Evans she was talking about. He had driven her crazy from the moment they met, from the first time they really talked on that ship back from Aldsage. "Don't do this..." she was murmuring while he spoke, her voice too weak to really interject, too quiet for it to sound like she truly meant it. But he was forcing her to look at him again, and she couldn't deny him that, even if her eyes betrayed her. Her sadness and fear mixed in those green pools, and she was softly whimpering in protest. She barely realized that her fingers were curling into his shirt, because it had become such a natural thing to do. All her anger and defiance were melting away, leaving her a sobbing mess that she struggled to take control of. "I don't want to go..." Her voice was barely audible, cracking with the amount of emotion rushing through her. "I don't want to leave, because I'm terrified of not making it back." Everything was such a "what if" and it was killing her. "I haven't...wanted something so badly in my life...and it's all your damn fault." Strange how that was supposed to be a compliment but she was still reprimanding him. It was her way of trying to stay upright, to stay sane...but it wasn't working. "I'm not ready to let you go. I'll never be ready." She was breathless, breaking down piece by piece, and it was agonizing.
[ORIN] He didn't know why he couldn't just let her go. That had been his plan. But seeing her upset and knowing he was the cause of it... He couldn't bear it. Orin stood there, staring down at her as she was a sobbing mess, struggling to speak, and he was at a loss for words. But when she told him it was his fault, he couldn't help but let out a brief and quiet laugh. He didn't know how it had been his fault, but he'd not argue with her. He wanted to tell her to just stay if she feared not making it back. But he wasn't sure if she really would, or if he'd just be wasting his breath. He sighed, frustrated and tired before he shook his head. "You've made things so complicated for me." He hadn't wanted to become involved with someone. He didn't want to get close, he didn't want to open his heart. But she had somehow gotten under his skin and forced her way in. Without another word, without caring that they were out in the open hallway, he grabbed her face in both of his hands and leaned down, pressing his lips to hers, hard and deep.
[CASSANDRA] It was his damn fault. Why couldn't he just be what she originally thought him to be- some silent, broody man that judged everyone? Granted, he was...but then he went ahead and consoled her when he didn't have to. Made her feel alive when he shouldn't have. Risked himself when he certainly shouldn't have. Made her care for him, sin for him, and not care about the consequences. She tried so hard not to be that sobbing mess, as if she desperately needed to cling to whatever pride she had left. It was pathetic, but he held her back from leaving just when she was inches away from completely breaking down. He had been right about everything, she wasn't denying...but despite him telling her to live her life, she couldn't. At least...not yet. And there was that terrible conflict. To have a life she wanted would mean the death of an old man whom she actually held dear. It was a cruel, selfish thought and it only made her emotional state worse. Just when she was about to yell at him, to force him to say something instead of just stare at her with those intense eyes, he spoke. There was a flicker of hope, of recognition, of adoration before his lips further kept her silent. She whimpered softly into that kiss, one she returned just as deep; it was vulnerable and needy. Arms were wrapping around his neck as she rose up onto her toes to slant her mouth hard against his own even more.
[ORIN] He was half expecting her to slap him, to push him away when he tried to kiss her. He didn't deserve her, not after making her cry like that. Not after threatening to end whatever this was that they had. But, she didn't. Instead, she embraced him and kissed him back. His arms slowly moved around her waist and he was backing up, not letting go of her or that kiss. He released her with just one of his hands so he could feel along the wall as he stepped backwards, pulling her with him. When he finally felt that opening for his door, he entered and pulled her in with him, shutting the door behind her, before he pinned her against the wall next to the door. His hand moved back to her waist and he held her tightly, not yet willing to let go of that kiss.
[CASSANDRA] They were being stupid for so many reasons right now. Currently sharing this display of affection out in the hall where anyone could have seen them. She had run to him during her arrest and could have made it all the more obvious, but she had been desperate and afraid that she wouldn't even be able to hold him again. And right now, she really didn't care. The woman had broken down and made herself completely vulnerable. The rest of the world could just fuck off. There was still that worry lingering at the back of her mind that this may be the last time she ever kissed him, so she would make the most of it. She kept her arms around him as he blindly led them back to his door, even when she felt the wall at her back. Her tears were slowly beginning to dry up despite the array of emotions swirling around in her head. The guilt, the need, the fear...they wouldn't leave her alone, and it made her hang onto him tighter, savoring this moment and his lips as if it would be the last. Cassandra wished she could say she would just stay...and were she not already legally bound (as if that stopped her from other things), she would. The future was a blur, but this moment right now was crystal clear. This moment was just him and only him. So she kissed him hard, slow, taking in every moment, the feeling of his warm skin beneath her fingertips, the sound of his breath, the beating of his heart. Hers pounded wildly and she swore it would break right through her chest.
[ORIN] He didn't know what was going on in his mind right now, because all he could focus on was her body up against his, the taste of her mouth and her very essence of her. He didn't want to stop. She had completely consumed him in this very moment. One of his hands moved slowly down her body and rested on her rear, squeezing it hard as he pulled her closer into him, still keeping that kiss hard and deep. He did not want to separate from her. He couldn't. Until finally, he mustered enough will to break free, letting her go, but still keeping her pinned against the wall. He rested a hand on the wall above her head and stared down at her with his piercing eyes again. He was catching his breath as she had stolen it from him, because who needed to breathe? He wanted to do nothing more than to take her right there, but he was hesitating--there was that conflicting appearance in his eyes as he stared at her. "Why?" He finally said. But he was sure he'd need to be more specific in what he was asking her. "Do you say you haven't wanted something so badly in your life? Why is this my fault?"
[CASSANDRA] Even if they simply stood there all night, even if he just kissed her until she suffocated, she wouldn't care. This had all grown bigger than physical, carnal attraction. She had been quite aware of that on her end just last evening, and she was still holding a lot of it back. It was delicate, whatever this was; she never had to deal with this kind of thing before. And he didn't seem the type to accept flowery, emotional words easily...and in a way, neither was she. When he broke their kiss, silently standing there looking down at her, she felt that heart of hers flutter all over again as she watched his face. His question, however, had her eyes drift away and she laughed so quietly, a brief huff of amusement. "I...had come to terms with who I was and who I was always going to be before coming here," she murmured, trying to explain without getting overly wordy. "Before you." Brows inched together in thought, her fingers automatically moving to toy with the ring that was no longer there, the one she had given to him. She was strangely nervous. "You share your opinions without thinking of the consequences. You dared me to step out of that societal box even if you didn't realize it. It made me realize-" A pause, she sighed gently. "Who I could be if given the chance." Then she found her voice a bit more; perhaps some of that "stuck up bitch" was seeping out if only to keep her standing there strong and prove it was "his fault", silly as that was. "And through your insufferable assessments, your concern for me that I feel I haven't fully deserved, I've fallen deeper than I should have for a broody vagabond." At first, that was meant to sound indifferent, as if she was trying to argue it...but it was far from it now. That title she'd given him was nothing but a term of endearment; she just feared she had said too much too quickly. "And now that I know what that feels like, I'm not sure I can let it go." He was this addiction she just couldn't quit.
[ORIN] He was horrible with his emotions and showing them. And he was even worse at trying to put them into words. When it all came down to Orin, he was a rather simple man with not a lot to say, and yes, not one for flowery, emotional words. So when she spoke, he continued to stare at her, listening to what she was admitting to him. He was happy to hear her confess that she had stepped out of that societal box and made her realize who she could really be without being tied down. It made him smile slightly until she was admitting she had fallen deeper for a broody vagabond, which made his smile slowly fade to a more serious expression. But he didn't know what to say in response to her. He was so tired, his brain wasn't seeming to work for him right now. Would she think less of him if he didn't respond? If he couldn't return her sentiment with flowery, emotional words? He leaned down and pressed a small kiss to her jawline before finally whispering into her ear. "I'm surprised you've let a broody vagabond near you... This close to you..." He lightly kissed her neck before returning to her ear. His breath was hot, his voice a deep growl in his throat as he spoke quietly. "Spend the night with me." It wasn't so much a question, but more of a demand.
[CASSANDRA] Were she any other woman, or if her mind was able to sort through her own thoughts on this mess, she might have been offended. Or maybe she already knew he was a man of few words. Except maybe when he was angry. Still, even when she wasn't looking at him, she felt those eyes on her, leaving her dazed and confused, managing to draw her closer without much effort. She was almost afraid to look into them, because they were eyes that had this tendency to just see right through her. And maybe she was afraid to see disappointment or worry on his face over what she said. She hadn't dropped the "L" word, but she confessed far more than she had before. To be honest, she nearly ran out of there on her own because it was daunting as all Hell, especially when he didn't respond right away. With anything. Her fluttering heart pounded when she felt the kiss against her jaw; his words almost turning her gaze back to him were it not for them being near her ear. She wondered if the bastard knew his voice was like delicious whiskey; paralyzing and alluring in all sorts of ways. It left her pathetically vulnerable, yet she wasn't trying very hard to free herself from this predicament. At his question- no, his demand, she was finally turning her head just enough to look at him. He seemed to be the only man she allowed to demand anything of her in such a way these days. How hypocritical of her. But Cassandra was aware that she wouldn't be leaving that room anytime soon once she set foot in it. All she wanted was to feel his arms around her, as innocent or as carnal as that wound up being. She was tired of rules, of tiptoeing around things. Turning her face just a little more, she pressed a feathery kiss against his cheek, then upon the other before her mouth found his; answering him, but letting him dictate how the rest of this night would go. Regardless, she wasn't leaving.
[ORIN] He wouldn't release from that kiss so quickly, allowing it to linger as if that were the very thing he needed. She was his lifeline in his sudden state of exhaustion. His hands rested on her face, preventing her from breaking free from his lips. He could kiss her like this for the rest of the night if she'd allow him. And maybe it felt that way as it continued on. Reluctantly, Orin finally pulled away and looked down at her briefly, only to plant another quick kiss to her lips before he'd let himself roll off of her and onto his side next to her. He sighed heavily, feeling relaxed and good, but exhausted. Closing his eyes, he drew her closer against him, draping his arm around her waist. He whispered into her ear then. "Tell me something about when you were a child." It was probably a strange request, especially after what they had just done. But he wanted to know more about her life.
[CASSANDRA] He'd have to stop himself because she had neither the strength or the will to do it for him. She would remain happily crushed between him and the bed until her last breath left her lungs were it left up to her. But when he did, she only hesitated for a moment before untangling her legs from around him to allow him to fall to the sheets beside her. The cool air suddenly washed over her until he was drawing her over to him in that way that felt so familiar right now, like he had somehow been doing it for years. She remained half on her back, curling against him right as she heard those words in her ear. "...what?" Bless her, but she giggled because it was strange and a bit random coming from him, of all people. Maybe it took her a bit by surprise; turning her head to regard him with a curious smile. "Like how I had to suffer endless piano or singing lessons?" No, certainly not. Cassandra was only beginning to calm her breathing down now, and she thought about it. Strange how she hadn't thought much about her childhood until recently, with Elodie.
"When I was able to sneak out of the house- because I wasn't staying at the castle with Father-" she began quietly, beginning to remember tiny details of that manor. How her mother always had fresh cut flowers on the small table in foyer, how the sunlight always drifting in through the window in streams and she would lay on the carpet midday to feel its warmth. "There was this...small clearing in the woods behind us. Always blooming with flowers. It was like this wonderland away from the real world. I'd just lay there in the middle of it with my dog, sometimes for hours until I'd hear Mother calling for me...or there were far too many bugs." That last part had her laughing at herself, turning her gaze to the ceiling as though she could see the bright blue sky with its blazing sun from her memories. "Soon it turned into fancy dresses, conversational tea parties in stuffy rooms." Cass fell quiet for a second, letting out a gentle sigh. "Things used to be so simple."
[ORIN] He quietly listened to her as she gave him a small glimpse of her childhood, smiling a bit because he could strangely picture everything she was telling him. When she finished, he closed his eyes and pretended to snore, as if she had just told him the most boring story in the world. He was teasing her, of course, but she didn't need to know that. In truth, Orin didn't fully understand the formal things women lived with, tea parties and learning to be proper, though he hadn't grown up in that society, so perhaps he wouldn't anyway. He couldn't help the grin that formed on his lips, giving him away (as if the fake snore didn't already), and he laughed. Cassandra wouldn't have survived a day in his childhood. His very short-lived childhood. "So that's what you did? You just laid in a meadow of flowers for hours?" He grinned and laughed again. "I guess you used to live the simple life..."
[CASSANDRA] Well, maybe she should have expected that. She'd begun to ramble more than she expected to, because she really never spoke about herself in this way, let alone her childhood. Then, he was blatantly snoring so she swatted at his chest. She knew he was joking, evident by her own smile and laughter. "You ass, stop." Now she was a tiny bit embarrassed. Sure, it sounded simple and easy...but not all of it had been. It had been by no means the same as his own, but everyone was dealt different cards, thus different problems. It sobered her up a little and her voice got quiet. "For a few years it was, I suppose. Then...well, it was all the boring things, all the bullshit to prime me to be a proper lady and the perfect match." She huffed out a small sarcastic laugh. "I really hate playing the piano." And being put on display. Cassandra might have looked like she wanted the limelight, but it was far from it. When Father found a suitor, she was shoved into the tightest corset and meant to put on a show. Perhaps it was why she got so good at lying.
[ORIN] He laughed at her calling him an ass, and he grabbed hold of her hand after she swatted at him. He held it into his own hand and played with her fingers and rings. She must have been too absorbed in what they had been doing that she didn't notice he wore the ring she gave him on a chain around his neck. "Why do you hate playing the piano?" He couldn't play an instrument or sing or anything musical for that matter. But he could build something like it was nothing. "So in other words... You were brainwashed as a child to become what everyone else wanted you to?"
[CASSANDRA] She was drawing her gaze back over to him. "Because I'm horrible at it," she confessed with a soft giggle of amusement. "I can only play one song rather well." Her mother had tried so hard. Her voice wasn't terrible, she supposed, but the only song she ever cared for (which was the only one she could play well) was that lullaby the woman always sang to her as a child, the one she had always hummed even the day she had died. Cassandra turned so that she was fully on her side, letting him toy with those rings. It was when her eyes finally spotted that chain around his neck, and the particular green-stoned ring at the end of it. She grinned, thoughtfully biting down on her lip before her mouth was curling into a sly smirk. "Yes," she answered his assumption. "I became...how did you so eloquently put it?" She pretended to remember. "A stuck up bitch?" Well, he could have said worse things, and she clearly wasn't offended. She even giggled again as her other hand reached over to lightly play with that dangling ring. "So...do I get to know anything about you? How you got to be so...broody and mysterious?" She emphasized the last words with soft mockery, her fingers trailing across his chest in thought.
[ORIN] He tried to picture her playing the piano, and for whatever reason, he didn't think he could. Maybe he sensed that she was horrible at it. He laughed at the thought and watched as she turned to face him. "Yes... I'm sorry I called you that." Maybe? Well, wasn't she kind of one? At least when she had arrived in Aralore she was. But she had changed.
He let out a long sigh after she asked about him and he shrugged his shoulders. There was a lot to know about him, he had quite the extensive past, but he didn't talk about it often. "What do you want to know?" Even though he didn't talk about it, he was still an open book and told things as they were without worrying about feelings (even if that constantly got him into trouble). He couldn't remember if he ever told her any bit of his past or not. How had he become so broody and mysterious? Orin was sure it had something to do with his upbringing, or lack there of.
[CASSANDRA] "No you're not," she said instantly at his apology, still somehow not sounding very offended. He was right, and may still be, but there was no need to go into that. Her eyes flickered up to his face as he sighed, seeming to think about what to say or to maybe find a way to avoid it. "I don't know," she answered softly, curling into him so that she could nuzzle her face against his neck. "How about...a good memory of your childhood?" He had asked about hers, so why not ask the same? And right now, after everything, they didn't need to think about the bad stuff.
[ORIN] "A good memory?" He laughed just a breath out his nose. It would take him a while to think back that far. There were two completely separate parts of his childhood. There was before Alexandria, when it was just he and his parents, and then there was the part when Alexandria had been involved in their life. It wasn't that she ruined his childhood--it was just that things got tougher when his parents decided to take such a huge burden and responsibility. He sighed again and continued playing with the rings on her fingers, as if they would help him think better. Finally, he spoke quietly to her, "I can't think of a specific memory on the spot here..." He chuckled lightly. "But I can tell you what it was like... My father was a carpenter... Mother was a midwife and a healer. We lived in a small house that he built... And I remember following him around, watching him, learning.. helping whenever he'd let me. I'd ask him a million questions and he would answer every single one, honestly and the best he could... If it confused or upset me, he would explain why to help me understand. So, maybe that's where I get that from..." He laughed and shrugged his shoulders. "My mother was a horrible cook, but one of the most caring, kindest woman you'd ever meet... I suppose that's where Alexandria gets her nature from." Alright, so it wasn't much, but it was something.
[CASSANDRA] For a few moments, she wondered if he would have anything to say. She was patient, though, simply laying there listening to his breathing, feeling his heart within his chest. It was beginning to lull her to sleep. When he began to speak, she was smiling to herself as she listened to him...saying more in one sitting than he ever had before. And she loved it. He may not have thought it was a lot, but she thought it was. The son of a carpenter and healer, and he obviously hadn't taken after his mother. The smile still on her face, she pressed a kiss to his jaw before she shifted more onto her stomach so that she could prop up onto her elbows. "Your mother taught Alexandria well," she commented. Cassandra thought highly of the queen, something she hoped the woman understood. She hadn't had a lot of time to tell her everything because she knew she needed Aric more. Green eyes flickered down to him, the soft smile still on her face. "So, have you built anything with what he taught you?"
[ORIN] He nodded in response to Alexandria. "Yes she did..." Even though she was not her real mother, she had still raised her and he saw a lot of her in Alexandria now. He often wondered if she would have become a healer if she did not live this life now. And what would have happened to him, too? He nodded again. "I have. Many things..." Probably something she wouldn't have ever known if they hadn't had this conversation, but Orin had taken on that carpentry trait of his father's and when he wasn't off sailing or fighting in wars, or guarding, he could have made a living as a carpenter, too. "I've built a few hours here on the island." He said, as if it weren't a huge deal.
[CASSANDRA] It may not have seemed like such a big deal to him, but it was something she didn't have. A skill that actually contributed to life instead of learning how to socialize in high class society. Or to needlepoint. She was worthless with that, too, but it oddly proved she had the patient to stab something with a pointed object a thousand times. "I'd like to see them one day," she said, even if he thought it was nothing. "You're...very fortunate to have such skills." The man had many skills, and the wry grin that curled her mouth temporarily hinted to one in particular that didn't need repeating...but that wasn't what they were talking about. Her gaze dropped to her hands in idle thought. "Perhaps, some day...I could get you to built me one?" If only. Maybe there was a hint of hope in her voice, but she was quick to laugh at herself a little after. She not live in a castle? Cassandra wasn't sure if she could. Maybe it wasn't so much that she didn't want to, but if she'd even be capable on her own. If she even ever got that freedom...
[ORIN] A soft laugh escaped his lips and he shook his head. He was fortunate to have such skills? Maybe, but he didn't think much of it--it was just what he grew up with. It had proven useful, though, with rebuilding the kingdom after the war. His gaze shifted to her face, staring at her when she asked him to build her a house someday. He gave her a curious look before nodding again. "Sure...I could do that." If it ever came down to that, if she ever waned her freedom in that way. Then, he would in a heartbeat.
[CASSANDRA] It felt like her throat was closing up and she was wondering why she might suddenly cry. That was a stupid feeling to have right now, wasn't it? But it was there... because she realized that was all she wanted right now. Even if it meant dirt and bugs and whatever else. She couldn't go back to Tresteria. There was nothing for her there. Trying to suppress these thoughts that made her heart flutter nervously and her stomach twist into knots, she leaned over to press a chaste kiss against his lips. "Thank you," she said in a barely audible whisper. Then, she was resting down beside him once more, curling against him. "But, you know this means I need about ten rooms, a balcony, a sunroom..." Despite her somewhat serious and sad demeanor just seconds ago, she was quite obviously kidding now because she was softly laughing at herself again. When she said house, she meant a simple home...not another manor. So many things in her life up until now suddenly felt so... pointless.
[ORIN] He smiled after her kiss and looked at her curiously. "Thank you? For what? I have not built it yet..." He laughed and then shook his head. "I draw a line at the sunroof..." He could tell by her tone that she was joking. Or maybe not? But he'd build all of those things if that was what she really wanted. He'd most likely give her a hard time and tease her about it along the way, but he'd do it, regardless.
If she had shared those thoughts with him, about her feeling like those things in her life felt pointless to her now, he would have told her that they weren't.. Because everything one goes through it life (whether good or bad) makes them who they are today, in the present. You live and learn from everything.
[CASSANDRA] She shook her head, her amusement slowly dissipating despite his own laughter. "Not for that," she answered quietly. "Just... everything, I suppose." Cassandra didn't know how to explain it. Whereas he wasn't the sole reason for her change, for her wish to remain in Aralore...he was certainly a big part of it. Her fingertips idly trailed up and down his arm and side ever so softly as she thought about it. "You've made me realize how much of my life was wasted." That probably sounded like a negative, and she was shaking her head as she huffed out a quiet laugh. "Made me remember that there's more than fancy dresses, wealth, large manors, and pointless parties. I rather have that meadow again..." A soft sigh against his neck, her next words were quieter. "Today I realized...how afraid I was to die, simply because I hadn't lived. Not really."
[ORIN] He had been about to argue her that her life wasn't wasted, but she continued talking and explaining how she was feeling. He frowned slightly and turned more onto his side to face her. One of his hands trailed up and down from her thigh, over her hip and up to her ribs until they trailed back. "I'm sorry, " he said sympathetically. "But I'm glad you've come to realize that there is more to life and that you have more of it to live and experience..." He reached up, tucking her hair behind her ear. "But none of your life has been a waste. Learn from every piece of it, because that's what makes you, you..."
[CASSANDRA] When he turned to face her more, her eyes were opening to find his face, his warmth having begun to lull her towards much-needed sleep. But she almost needed this just as much. His trailing fingers were soothing, causing small bumps to rise up over her skin and she squirmed just lightly as it tickled. His words were easily bringing that soft smile back to her face, subtly leaning into his touch as he tucked hair behind her ear. "You're fairly wise, vagabond," she murmured. Fingers curled around the chain he wore to gently urge his face even closer to hers so that she could kiss him softly.
[ORIN] He grinned and nodded, "don't you forget that..." he said before she pulled him into a kiss. His hand moved to the nape of her neck, fingers filtering into her hair and he held her as he kissed her back, soft but deep until he lightly pulled away and kissed her nose. Slowly, he relaxed his head back down on the pillow and he wrapped his arms completely around her, pulling her into him. "I'm tired...." he admitted as if it were a secret. He hadn't slept in about two or three days, he'd lost count.
[CASSANDRA] A gentle giggle when he kissed her nose, she too relaxed and curled up against him, never wanting to move from this moment. But every time she laid there with him, she was always wondering about the morning and what that day would bring. How different would things be now, with her cousin gone? Would she have to go back to the funeral...would she be able to return afterwards? All of these thoughts ceased when he spoke again, and she ran the back of her hand down the side of his face in quiet thought. Her fingers brushed across his lips before she settled her head upon his chest and slowly drifted off to sleep.
[ORIN] He knew it was dangerous for her to be staying through the night, but he didn't care right now. It was for the morning to worry about. And each night he had been able to hold her, he wondered what it would be like to have this every night. To wake up every morning next to her. It was a luxury he would not be allowed, unless Cassandra allowed it. Tired eyes watched her as she touched his face and his lips and he smiled to her. Once she settled against him, he finally shut his eyes and allowed himself to drift off to sleep.
[ORIN] He had started to finally drift off to sleep, but he was so restless, the quiet knock startled him. He sat up and glanced around the room confused. Had he actually heard a knock? He grumbled tiredly and stood from his bed, walking over towards his door and flung it open, half expecting to see no one there. But instead, tired eyes fell upon Cassandra. He sighed and shook his head. "If you are looking for an apology.. You're not getting one... I meant everything I said. And you shouldn't be here, anyway.." Clearly, he was still angry.
[CASSANDRA] Her back straightened when that door was flung open; a small gasp fled passed her lips. Perhaps a part of her didn't expect an answer, and now that he was standing there grumbling at her, she couldn't very well turn around. A frown fell on her lips, but she didn't berate him back. Not yet anyway. "I might be a stuck up bitch," she repeated his words quietly and a little sharply. "But no, I'm not looking for an apology. I'm not looking for anything but to talk." Okay, so that last part was a little snarky, which might have been a good indication that she was finding herself again...but she didn't feel like it inside. Because the moment she finished speaking, she felt her throat close up again and her gaze drop. Maybe she should wait to see if he allowed her inside, but she just started letting the words slip off her tongue now. "I was afraid, Orin. I'm...still afraid." Her face scrunched a little as she struggled to remember everything she had wanted to say, yet knew she already forgot half of it. "I was afraid of losing more of my family, of what...Edward would continue to do." She kept her voice quiet, needing to turn away from him and lean back against the wall just next to the door. "And now, I'm terrified of what I did...because I wonder if...I would have done it were it some stranger. I don't even know myself anymore, and I can't figure out if that is a bad thing." Small hand clenched, slamming back into the stone behind her at her side in this stupid frustration. It was only a little easier to talk when she wasn't looking at him. "I took a stupid risk because I was afraid of losing everyone. Because I'm too weak to live without them. Without you. And I would do it all again if I had to." Really, what did any of this solve? She was just venting to the man who was frustrated to hell with her and all that had happened. "Dammit, I don't fucking know..." she murmured to herself.
[ORIN] He stared down at her with very little expression on his face, aside from the tiredness that lingered on him, as she began speaking and trying to explain herself to him. She already had explained why she had done it to him and he understood. That wasn't what he was so angry about. Cassandra had turned away from him and leaned on the wall outside his door, so he leaned against the doorframe and watched her as she continued to ramble on. He let her and did not interrupt. But when it seemed like she was finished, he still stayed silent for a few moments longer. Finally, he spoke. His voice stern and aggravated still. "But you could care less that maybe others don't want to live without you? Just throw your whole life away because it doesn't matter. You can't live without them...But what does that even matter if you end up without a head and you're not with them, anyway, in the end? Did you even think about that, Cass? You have no idea what we all went through to try and get you out of this....And the only reason we were was because someone had been doing it all along... That's your saving grace... Someone else was killing him. You just made the final blow..." He wasn't sure if anyone had told her this yet, but he was. And if they hadn't, she would be on her way home to Tresteria preparing to lose her head.
[CASSANDRA] Leaning her head back against the wall as he spoke, she shut her eyes as a couple of tears streamed down her cheeks. But that was all she could shed, because she had already cried far too much already. Her stomach twisted into knots and her heart ached since she had an answer for him but didn't want to say it. But she was already weakened, so what was a little more? His mention of someone already having been poisoning Edward made her pause...and she immediately knew who it was. Orin wouldn't have to tell her because she just knew. It was how Renaud knew she had undoubtedly dealt "the final blow". He had spoken to her as if they were so similar. Now, she thought she was going to be sick. "I did think about it!" she finally exclaimed in a whisper, still refusing to turn around. She didn't want to see that annoyance and disappointment on his stupid, handsome face. "I thought that it was safer and better to lose the arm candy of a Duke than both the king and prince of Tresteria! But what you really want to hear is that I'm weak. That I'm selfish because I rather take the easy way out than suffer the pain of losing someone. And it's true. You're right." Her arms lifted in a shrugging gesture because she truly wasn't arguing that fact. "And I shouldn't have fucking told you anything." All she did was inconvenience them all, and now she just felt completely defeated. She shouldn't have come here.
[ORIN] He finally moved out of his doorframe and out into the hallway, standing in front of her. Grabbing hold of her chin, he forced her to look at him. "Weak? No. Selfish...Yes. And no." He shook his head and let go of her, sighing. "But you did tell me, Cassandra. And I couldn't bear the thought of you dying for him... For a man who completely lost his mind and hurt you, Aric... my sister...His own wife..." He knew she wanted to stop him from further hurting others, but that wasn't his point. He fell silent, staring at her as the silence lingered between them. Unsure of what else to say, he just shrugged his shoulders and looked down the empty hallway before turning back to her. "I'm not sure I can be involved in this anymore..." He motioned between the two of them and sighed. "I can't just be.... nothing, like this... And at any moment, you're gone.. Back to Tresteria.. Onto your next arranged marriage or next suitor.. Because you're too afraid to take charge of your own life... Unless it's to put yourself at risk because, you know... You don't matter to anyone...and you're just a piece of arm candy to a Duke... And that's all you'll ever allow yourself to be..." He frowned and shook his head again. "I'm sorry, Cassandra... Go back to your husband."
[CASSANDRA] Although he grabbed her chin, she didn't look at him right away; her own hand almost coming up to swat his away. But eventually those green eyes lifted to find his face, swallowing back her tears. She was done with crying, even if what he was about to tell her was going to make everything ten times worse. He couldn't be involved with...this anymore. Orin kept talking and she felt her throat close up more, felt her heart sink further down to her stomach and she wanted to ignore everything he had said. But how could she when it was like a knife in her chest? Cassandra hadn't thought about what would happen with Edward gone and whenever Henry passed. It had always been a thought that plagued her up until recently, and she didn't know why. A sob shook her deep within the chest, unable to look away from him as the reality and shock of this all came crashing down on her. Didn't she expect this? Didn't she know that this, whatever it was, would have to end at some point? Suddenly, she couldn't stop the tears, but she was glaring up at him now, desperately trying to keep herself together. "Fuck you." Those words left her lips in a harsh whisper, and she thought she might smack him but her hands were shaking too much. "That...was the first choice I made...as me, for me. It might have been stupid, but I made it without anyone dictating it." Her stomach was churning, and the last thing she was going to do was break down like some heartbroken sap in front of him, even if she was. So, she took that frustration out on him and shoved him away as hard as she possibly could, feeling like she would suffocate between him and the wall. "And my husband has done more for me than I had ever realized. I cannot just abandon him now because my heart has strayed. The least I could do is be there with him when he passes..." He deserved far better than that. A far better wife than she ever was.
She was choking on her sobs now, frustrated with herself and unable to handle this pain and rejection. For a moment, it looked as though she was going to say something more...but she had nothing left. And what was the point now? Without even looking at him, knowing she would break down further (and to hell with him seeing her cry anymore), Cassandra moved to rush back down the hall.
[ORIN] He expected her to lash out at him. To slap him, to shove him away. So when she shoved him away from her, he stumbled back and just stood there, silently as she berated him, and he took it, unwavering and lacking much emotion. Cassandra hadn't made this easy. But when he watched as she was dragged away from him, it killed him. It made him realize that he had feelings for her, and he was going to lose her. If not now from her treason, then later on, because why would a woman like her want to be with a man like him? He wasn't a noble or of royalty. If his family hadn't cared for Alexandria, he would be a simple nobody. Orin had been there for Cassandra to ease her troubles and console her... And now he was the reason for her tears--and it hurt. As she rushed away from him and down the hall, he hesitated between going after her and letting her go. He was so tired. Both physically and emotionally and he wasn't sure what to do anymore. What made sense or didn't make sense. Was all of this a dream? Because he was starting to feel delusional. And almost without his control, his feet were carrying him towards her and he was grabbing her hand and pulling her around to face him again. Only, he had no idea what to say to her. So, he just stared, his eyes burning through hers. "You didn't let me finish." His voice almost a deep growl in his chest.
[CASSANDRA] No. No, she couldn't handle this. She was on the verge of breaking down completely when he decided to make things all the more worse. He stopped her from going much further, spinning her back around and she almost slapped him again. Almost struggled to free herself so that she could run away this time. It had all been a dream. A wonderful, ignorant dream that had to come to an end. She didn't know what her future would hold for her, knowing she would not be tied to Henry for much longer...but that was just it. She didn't know. There was no mad king to tell her what she could and couldn't do anymore. Everything was suspended in the air, and things could change drastically. Or, they wouldn't. Those blue-green eyes managed to keep her stationary despite her pounding heart; her own gaze fluctuating with anger and daring to portray her weakness. "Then finish," she whispered sternly. "So I may try to find what's left of my dignity." And pick up all those shattered pieces of her heart. Every second she stood there, another piece fell, threatening to crumble completely.
[ORIN] He continued to stare at her for a moment longer. Almost as if he were hesitating to say anything else. Just say forget it and let her go. But that pain in her eyes kept him there, kept him grounded right in front of her, not wanting to move. His own heart pounded in his chest, but his expression showed no sign of anything until he finally spoke quietly. "When they dragged you away from me... I realized something... Became afraid of something. Felt something... Something that I didn't want to believe... But there it was.... Despite me wanting to keep this as nothing…” He took her chin into his fingers again, forcing her to look at him, and he wouldn't say anything until her eyes were on him. "I'm not ready to let you go... I can't... I want you.. here with me... And I'm afraid to lose you."
[CASSANDRA] These undulating emotions were going to drive her insane. But this was Orin Evans she was talking about. He had driven her crazy from the moment they met, from the first time they really talked on that ship back from Aldsage. "Don't do this..." she was murmuring while he spoke, her voice too weak to really interject, too quiet for it to sound like she truly meant it. But he was forcing her to look at him again, and she couldn't deny him that, even if her eyes betrayed her. Her sadness and fear mixed in those green pools, and she was softly whimpering in protest. She barely realized that her fingers were curling into his shirt, because it had become such a natural thing to do. All her anger and defiance were melting away, leaving her a sobbing mess that she struggled to take control of. "I don't want to go..." Her voice was barely audible, cracking with the amount of emotion rushing through her. "I don't want to leave, because I'm terrified of not making it back." Everything was such a "what if" and it was killing her. "I haven't...wanted something so badly in my life...and it's all your damn fault." Strange how that was supposed to be a compliment but she was still reprimanding him. It was her way of trying to stay upright, to stay sane...but it wasn't working. "I'm not ready to let you go. I'll never be ready." She was breathless, breaking down piece by piece, and it was agonizing.
[ORIN] He didn't know why he couldn't just let her go. That had been his plan. But seeing her upset and knowing he was the cause of it... He couldn't bear it. Orin stood there, staring down at her as she was a sobbing mess, struggling to speak, and he was at a loss for words. But when she told him it was his fault, he couldn't help but let out a brief and quiet laugh. He didn't know how it had been his fault, but he'd not argue with her. He wanted to tell her to just stay if she feared not making it back. But he wasn't sure if she really would, or if he'd just be wasting his breath. He sighed, frustrated and tired before he shook his head. "You've made things so complicated for me." He hadn't wanted to become involved with someone. He didn't want to get close, he didn't want to open his heart. But she had somehow gotten under his skin and forced her way in. Without another word, without caring that they were out in the open hallway, he grabbed her face in both of his hands and leaned down, pressing his lips to hers, hard and deep.
[CASSANDRA] It was his damn fault. Why couldn't he just be what she originally thought him to be- some silent, broody man that judged everyone? Granted, he was...but then he went ahead and consoled her when he didn't have to. Made her feel alive when he shouldn't have. Risked himself when he certainly shouldn't have. Made her care for him, sin for him, and not care about the consequences. She tried so hard not to be that sobbing mess, as if she desperately needed to cling to whatever pride she had left. It was pathetic, but he held her back from leaving just when she was inches away from completely breaking down. He had been right about everything, she wasn't denying...but despite him telling her to live her life, she couldn't. At least...not yet. And there was that terrible conflict. To have a life she wanted would mean the death of an old man whom she actually held dear. It was a cruel, selfish thought and it only made her emotional state worse. Just when she was about to yell at him, to force him to say something instead of just stare at her with those intense eyes, he spoke. There was a flicker of hope, of recognition, of adoration before his lips further kept her silent. She whimpered softly into that kiss, one she returned just as deep; it was vulnerable and needy. Arms were wrapping around his neck as she rose up onto her toes to slant her mouth hard against his own even more.
[ORIN] He was half expecting her to slap him, to push him away when he tried to kiss her. He didn't deserve her, not after making her cry like that. Not after threatening to end whatever this was that they had. But, she didn't. Instead, she embraced him and kissed him back. His arms slowly moved around her waist and he was backing up, not letting go of her or that kiss. He released her with just one of his hands so he could feel along the wall as he stepped backwards, pulling her with him. When he finally felt that opening for his door, he entered and pulled her in with him, shutting the door behind her, before he pinned her against the wall next to the door. His hand moved back to her waist and he held her tightly, not yet willing to let go of that kiss.
[CASSANDRA] They were being stupid for so many reasons right now. Currently sharing this display of affection out in the hall where anyone could have seen them. She had run to him during her arrest and could have made it all the more obvious, but she had been desperate and afraid that she wouldn't even be able to hold him again. And right now, she really didn't care. The woman had broken down and made herself completely vulnerable. The rest of the world could just fuck off. There was still that worry lingering at the back of her mind that this may be the last time she ever kissed him, so she would make the most of it. She kept her arms around him as he blindly led them back to his door, even when she felt the wall at her back. Her tears were slowly beginning to dry up despite the array of emotions swirling around in her head. The guilt, the need, the fear...they wouldn't leave her alone, and it made her hang onto him tighter, savoring this moment and his lips as if it would be the last. Cassandra wished she could say she would just stay...and were she not already legally bound (as if that stopped her from other things), she would. The future was a blur, but this moment right now was crystal clear. This moment was just him and only him. So she kissed him hard, slow, taking in every moment, the feeling of his warm skin beneath her fingertips, the sound of his breath, the beating of his heart. Hers pounded wildly and she swore it would break right through her chest.
[ORIN] He didn't know what was going on in his mind right now, because all he could focus on was her body up against his, the taste of her mouth and her very essence of her. He didn't want to stop. She had completely consumed him in this very moment. One of his hands moved slowly down her body and rested on her rear, squeezing it hard as he pulled her closer into him, still keeping that kiss hard and deep. He did not want to separate from her. He couldn't. Until finally, he mustered enough will to break free, letting her go, but still keeping her pinned against the wall. He rested a hand on the wall above her head and stared down at her with his piercing eyes again. He was catching his breath as she had stolen it from him, because who needed to breathe? He wanted to do nothing more than to take her right there, but he was hesitating--there was that conflicting appearance in his eyes as he stared at her. "Why?" He finally said. But he was sure he'd need to be more specific in what he was asking her. "Do you say you haven't wanted something so badly in your life? Why is this my fault?"
[CASSANDRA] Even if they simply stood there all night, even if he just kissed her until she suffocated, she wouldn't care. This had all grown bigger than physical, carnal attraction. She had been quite aware of that on her end just last evening, and she was still holding a lot of it back. It was delicate, whatever this was; she never had to deal with this kind of thing before. And he didn't seem the type to accept flowery, emotional words easily...and in a way, neither was she. When he broke their kiss, silently standing there looking down at her, she felt that heart of hers flutter all over again as she watched his face. His question, however, had her eyes drift away and she laughed so quietly, a brief huff of amusement. "I...had come to terms with who I was and who I was always going to be before coming here," she murmured, trying to explain without getting overly wordy. "Before you." Brows inched together in thought, her fingers automatically moving to toy with the ring that was no longer there, the one she had given to him. She was strangely nervous. "You share your opinions without thinking of the consequences. You dared me to step out of that societal box even if you didn't realize it. It made me realize-" A pause, she sighed gently. "Who I could be if given the chance." Then she found her voice a bit more; perhaps some of that "stuck up bitch" was seeping out if only to keep her standing there strong and prove it was "his fault", silly as that was. "And through your insufferable assessments, your concern for me that I feel I haven't fully deserved, I've fallen deeper than I should have for a broody vagabond." At first, that was meant to sound indifferent, as if she was trying to argue it...but it was far from it now. That title she'd given him was nothing but a term of endearment; she just feared she had said too much too quickly. "And now that I know what that feels like, I'm not sure I can let it go." He was this addiction she just couldn't quit.
[ORIN] He was horrible with his emotions and showing them. And he was even worse at trying to put them into words. When it all came down to Orin, he was a rather simple man with not a lot to say, and yes, not one for flowery, emotional words. So when she spoke, he continued to stare at her, listening to what she was admitting to him. He was happy to hear her confess that she had stepped out of that societal box and made her realize who she could really be without being tied down. It made him smile slightly until she was admitting she had fallen deeper for a broody vagabond, which made his smile slowly fade to a more serious expression. But he didn't know what to say in response to her. He was so tired, his brain wasn't seeming to work for him right now. Would she think less of him if he didn't respond? If he couldn't return her sentiment with flowery, emotional words? He leaned down and pressed a small kiss to her jawline before finally whispering into her ear. "I'm surprised you've let a broody vagabond near you... This close to you..." He lightly kissed her neck before returning to her ear. His breath was hot, his voice a deep growl in his throat as he spoke quietly. "Spend the night with me." It wasn't so much a question, but more of a demand.
[CASSANDRA] Were she any other woman, or if her mind was able to sort through her own thoughts on this mess, she might have been offended. Or maybe she already knew he was a man of few words. Except maybe when he was angry. Still, even when she wasn't looking at him, she felt those eyes on her, leaving her dazed and confused, managing to draw her closer without much effort. She was almost afraid to look into them, because they were eyes that had this tendency to just see right through her. And maybe she was afraid to see disappointment or worry on his face over what she said. She hadn't dropped the "L" word, but she confessed far more than she had before. To be honest, she nearly ran out of there on her own because it was daunting as all Hell, especially when he didn't respond right away. With anything. Her fluttering heart pounded when she felt the kiss against her jaw; his words almost turning her gaze back to him were it not for them being near her ear. She wondered if the bastard knew his voice was like delicious whiskey; paralyzing and alluring in all sorts of ways. It left her pathetically vulnerable, yet she wasn't trying very hard to free herself from this predicament. At his question- no, his demand, she was finally turning her head just enough to look at him. He seemed to be the only man she allowed to demand anything of her in such a way these days. How hypocritical of her. But Cassandra was aware that she wouldn't be leaving that room anytime soon once she set foot in it. All she wanted was to feel his arms around her, as innocent or as carnal as that wound up being. She was tired of rules, of tiptoeing around things. Turning her face just a little more, she pressed a feathery kiss against his cheek, then upon the other before her mouth found his; answering him, but letting him dictate how the rest of this night would go. Regardless, she wasn't leaving.
***
[ORIN] He wouldn't release from that kiss so quickly, allowing it to linger as if that were the very thing he needed. She was his lifeline in his sudden state of exhaustion. His hands rested on her face, preventing her from breaking free from his lips. He could kiss her like this for the rest of the night if she'd allow him. And maybe it felt that way as it continued on. Reluctantly, Orin finally pulled away and looked down at her briefly, only to plant another quick kiss to her lips before he'd let himself roll off of her and onto his side next to her. He sighed heavily, feeling relaxed and good, but exhausted. Closing his eyes, he drew her closer against him, draping his arm around her waist. He whispered into her ear then. "Tell me something about when you were a child." It was probably a strange request, especially after what they had just done. But he wanted to know more about her life.
[CASSANDRA] He'd have to stop himself because she had neither the strength or the will to do it for him. She would remain happily crushed between him and the bed until her last breath left her lungs were it left up to her. But when he did, she only hesitated for a moment before untangling her legs from around him to allow him to fall to the sheets beside her. The cool air suddenly washed over her until he was drawing her over to him in that way that felt so familiar right now, like he had somehow been doing it for years. She remained half on her back, curling against him right as she heard those words in her ear. "...what?" Bless her, but she giggled because it was strange and a bit random coming from him, of all people. Maybe it took her a bit by surprise; turning her head to regard him with a curious smile. "Like how I had to suffer endless piano or singing lessons?" No, certainly not. Cassandra was only beginning to calm her breathing down now, and she thought about it. Strange how she hadn't thought much about her childhood until recently, with Elodie.
"When I was able to sneak out of the house- because I wasn't staying at the castle with Father-" she began quietly, beginning to remember tiny details of that manor. How her mother always had fresh cut flowers on the small table in foyer, how the sunlight always drifting in through the window in streams and she would lay on the carpet midday to feel its warmth. "There was this...small clearing in the woods behind us. Always blooming with flowers. It was like this wonderland away from the real world. I'd just lay there in the middle of it with my dog, sometimes for hours until I'd hear Mother calling for me...or there were far too many bugs." That last part had her laughing at herself, turning her gaze to the ceiling as though she could see the bright blue sky with its blazing sun from her memories. "Soon it turned into fancy dresses, conversational tea parties in stuffy rooms." Cass fell quiet for a second, letting out a gentle sigh. "Things used to be so simple."
[ORIN] He quietly listened to her as she gave him a small glimpse of her childhood, smiling a bit because he could strangely picture everything she was telling him. When she finished, he closed his eyes and pretended to snore, as if she had just told him the most boring story in the world. He was teasing her, of course, but she didn't need to know that. In truth, Orin didn't fully understand the formal things women lived with, tea parties and learning to be proper, though he hadn't grown up in that society, so perhaps he wouldn't anyway. He couldn't help the grin that formed on his lips, giving him away (as if the fake snore didn't already), and he laughed. Cassandra wouldn't have survived a day in his childhood. His very short-lived childhood. "So that's what you did? You just laid in a meadow of flowers for hours?" He grinned and laughed again. "I guess you used to live the simple life..."
[CASSANDRA] Well, maybe she should have expected that. She'd begun to ramble more than she expected to, because she really never spoke about herself in this way, let alone her childhood. Then, he was blatantly snoring so she swatted at his chest. She knew he was joking, evident by her own smile and laughter. "You ass, stop." Now she was a tiny bit embarrassed. Sure, it sounded simple and easy...but not all of it had been. It had been by no means the same as his own, but everyone was dealt different cards, thus different problems. It sobered her up a little and her voice got quiet. "For a few years it was, I suppose. Then...well, it was all the boring things, all the bullshit to prime me to be a proper lady and the perfect match." She huffed out a small sarcastic laugh. "I really hate playing the piano." And being put on display. Cassandra might have looked like she wanted the limelight, but it was far from it. When Father found a suitor, she was shoved into the tightest corset and meant to put on a show. Perhaps it was why she got so good at lying.
[ORIN] He laughed at her calling him an ass, and he grabbed hold of her hand after she swatted at him. He held it into his own hand and played with her fingers and rings. She must have been too absorbed in what they had been doing that she didn't notice he wore the ring she gave him on a chain around his neck. "Why do you hate playing the piano?" He couldn't play an instrument or sing or anything musical for that matter. But he could build something like it was nothing. "So in other words... You were brainwashed as a child to become what everyone else wanted you to?"
[CASSANDRA] She was drawing her gaze back over to him. "Because I'm horrible at it," she confessed with a soft giggle of amusement. "I can only play one song rather well." Her mother had tried so hard. Her voice wasn't terrible, she supposed, but the only song she ever cared for (which was the only one she could play well) was that lullaby the woman always sang to her as a child, the one she had always hummed even the day she had died. Cassandra turned so that she was fully on her side, letting him toy with those rings. It was when her eyes finally spotted that chain around his neck, and the particular green-stoned ring at the end of it. She grinned, thoughtfully biting down on her lip before her mouth was curling into a sly smirk. "Yes," she answered his assumption. "I became...how did you so eloquently put it?" She pretended to remember. "A stuck up bitch?" Well, he could have said worse things, and she clearly wasn't offended. She even giggled again as her other hand reached over to lightly play with that dangling ring. "So...do I get to know anything about you? How you got to be so...broody and mysterious?" She emphasized the last words with soft mockery, her fingers trailing across his chest in thought.
[ORIN] He tried to picture her playing the piano, and for whatever reason, he didn't think he could. Maybe he sensed that she was horrible at it. He laughed at the thought and watched as she turned to face him. "Yes... I'm sorry I called you that." Maybe? Well, wasn't she kind of one? At least when she had arrived in Aralore she was. But she had changed.
He let out a long sigh after she asked about him and he shrugged his shoulders. There was a lot to know about him, he had quite the extensive past, but he didn't talk about it often. "What do you want to know?" Even though he didn't talk about it, he was still an open book and told things as they were without worrying about feelings (even if that constantly got him into trouble). He couldn't remember if he ever told her any bit of his past or not. How had he become so broody and mysterious? Orin was sure it had something to do with his upbringing, or lack there of.
[CASSANDRA] "No you're not," she said instantly at his apology, still somehow not sounding very offended. He was right, and may still be, but there was no need to go into that. Her eyes flickered up to his face as he sighed, seeming to think about what to say or to maybe find a way to avoid it. "I don't know," she answered softly, curling into him so that she could nuzzle her face against his neck. "How about...a good memory of your childhood?" He had asked about hers, so why not ask the same? And right now, after everything, they didn't need to think about the bad stuff.
[ORIN] "A good memory?" He laughed just a breath out his nose. It would take him a while to think back that far. There were two completely separate parts of his childhood. There was before Alexandria, when it was just he and his parents, and then there was the part when Alexandria had been involved in their life. It wasn't that she ruined his childhood--it was just that things got tougher when his parents decided to take such a huge burden and responsibility. He sighed again and continued playing with the rings on her fingers, as if they would help him think better. Finally, he spoke quietly to her, "I can't think of a specific memory on the spot here..." He chuckled lightly. "But I can tell you what it was like... My father was a carpenter... Mother was a midwife and a healer. We lived in a small house that he built... And I remember following him around, watching him, learning.. helping whenever he'd let me. I'd ask him a million questions and he would answer every single one, honestly and the best he could... If it confused or upset me, he would explain why to help me understand. So, maybe that's where I get that from..." He laughed and shrugged his shoulders. "My mother was a horrible cook, but one of the most caring, kindest woman you'd ever meet... I suppose that's where Alexandria gets her nature from." Alright, so it wasn't much, but it was something.
[CASSANDRA] For a few moments, she wondered if he would have anything to say. She was patient, though, simply laying there listening to his breathing, feeling his heart within his chest. It was beginning to lull her to sleep. When he began to speak, she was smiling to herself as she listened to him...saying more in one sitting than he ever had before. And she loved it. He may not have thought it was a lot, but she thought it was. The son of a carpenter and healer, and he obviously hadn't taken after his mother. The smile still on her face, she pressed a kiss to his jaw before she shifted more onto her stomach so that she could prop up onto her elbows. "Your mother taught Alexandria well," she commented. Cassandra thought highly of the queen, something she hoped the woman understood. She hadn't had a lot of time to tell her everything because she knew she needed Aric more. Green eyes flickered down to him, the soft smile still on her face. "So, have you built anything with what he taught you?"
[ORIN] He nodded in response to Alexandria. "Yes she did..." Even though she was not her real mother, she had still raised her and he saw a lot of her in Alexandria now. He often wondered if she would have become a healer if she did not live this life now. And what would have happened to him, too? He nodded again. "I have. Many things..." Probably something she wouldn't have ever known if they hadn't had this conversation, but Orin had taken on that carpentry trait of his father's and when he wasn't off sailing or fighting in wars, or guarding, he could have made a living as a carpenter, too. "I've built a few hours here on the island." He said, as if it weren't a huge deal.
[CASSANDRA] It may not have seemed like such a big deal to him, but it was something she didn't have. A skill that actually contributed to life instead of learning how to socialize in high class society. Or to needlepoint. She was worthless with that, too, but it oddly proved she had the patient to stab something with a pointed object a thousand times. "I'd like to see them one day," she said, even if he thought it was nothing. "You're...very fortunate to have such skills." The man had many skills, and the wry grin that curled her mouth temporarily hinted to one in particular that didn't need repeating...but that wasn't what they were talking about. Her gaze dropped to her hands in idle thought. "Perhaps, some day...I could get you to built me one?" If only. Maybe there was a hint of hope in her voice, but she was quick to laugh at herself a little after. She not live in a castle? Cassandra wasn't sure if she could. Maybe it wasn't so much that she didn't want to, but if she'd even be capable on her own. If she even ever got that freedom...
[ORIN] A soft laugh escaped his lips and he shook his head. He was fortunate to have such skills? Maybe, but he didn't think much of it--it was just what he grew up with. It had proven useful, though, with rebuilding the kingdom after the war. His gaze shifted to her face, staring at her when she asked him to build her a house someday. He gave her a curious look before nodding again. "Sure...I could do that." If it ever came down to that, if she ever waned her freedom in that way. Then, he would in a heartbeat.
[CASSANDRA] It felt like her throat was closing up and she was wondering why she might suddenly cry. That was a stupid feeling to have right now, wasn't it? But it was there... because she realized that was all she wanted right now. Even if it meant dirt and bugs and whatever else. She couldn't go back to Tresteria. There was nothing for her there. Trying to suppress these thoughts that made her heart flutter nervously and her stomach twist into knots, she leaned over to press a chaste kiss against his lips. "Thank you," she said in a barely audible whisper. Then, she was resting down beside him once more, curling against him. "But, you know this means I need about ten rooms, a balcony, a sunroom..." Despite her somewhat serious and sad demeanor just seconds ago, she was quite obviously kidding now because she was softly laughing at herself again. When she said house, she meant a simple home...not another manor. So many things in her life up until now suddenly felt so... pointless.
[ORIN] He smiled after her kiss and looked at her curiously. "Thank you? For what? I have not built it yet..." He laughed and then shook his head. "I draw a line at the sunroof..." He could tell by her tone that she was joking. Or maybe not? But he'd build all of those things if that was what she really wanted. He'd most likely give her a hard time and tease her about it along the way, but he'd do it, regardless.
If she had shared those thoughts with him, about her feeling like those things in her life felt pointless to her now, he would have told her that they weren't.. Because everything one goes through it life (whether good or bad) makes them who they are today, in the present. You live and learn from everything.
[CASSANDRA] She shook her head, her amusement slowly dissipating despite his own laughter. "Not for that," she answered quietly. "Just... everything, I suppose." Cassandra didn't know how to explain it. Whereas he wasn't the sole reason for her change, for her wish to remain in Aralore...he was certainly a big part of it. Her fingertips idly trailed up and down his arm and side ever so softly as she thought about it. "You've made me realize how much of my life was wasted." That probably sounded like a negative, and she was shaking her head as she huffed out a quiet laugh. "Made me remember that there's more than fancy dresses, wealth, large manors, and pointless parties. I rather have that meadow again..." A soft sigh against his neck, her next words were quieter. "Today I realized...how afraid I was to die, simply because I hadn't lived. Not really."
[ORIN] He had been about to argue her that her life wasn't wasted, but she continued talking and explaining how she was feeling. He frowned slightly and turned more onto his side to face her. One of his hands trailed up and down from her thigh, over her hip and up to her ribs until they trailed back. "I'm sorry, " he said sympathetically. "But I'm glad you've come to realize that there is more to life and that you have more of it to live and experience..." He reached up, tucking her hair behind her ear. "But none of your life has been a waste. Learn from every piece of it, because that's what makes you, you..."
[CASSANDRA] When he turned to face her more, her eyes were opening to find his face, his warmth having begun to lull her towards much-needed sleep. But she almost needed this just as much. His trailing fingers were soothing, causing small bumps to rise up over her skin and she squirmed just lightly as it tickled. His words were easily bringing that soft smile back to her face, subtly leaning into his touch as he tucked hair behind her ear. "You're fairly wise, vagabond," she murmured. Fingers curled around the chain he wore to gently urge his face even closer to hers so that she could kiss him softly.
[ORIN] He grinned and nodded, "don't you forget that..." he said before she pulled him into a kiss. His hand moved to the nape of her neck, fingers filtering into her hair and he held her as he kissed her back, soft but deep until he lightly pulled away and kissed her nose. Slowly, he relaxed his head back down on the pillow and he wrapped his arms completely around her, pulling her into him. "I'm tired...." he admitted as if it were a secret. He hadn't slept in about two or three days, he'd lost count.
[CASSANDRA] A gentle giggle when he kissed her nose, she too relaxed and curled up against him, never wanting to move from this moment. But every time she laid there with him, she was always wondering about the morning and what that day would bring. How different would things be now, with her cousin gone? Would she have to go back to the funeral...would she be able to return afterwards? All of these thoughts ceased when he spoke again, and she ran the back of her hand down the side of his face in quiet thought. Her fingers brushed across his lips before she settled her head upon his chest and slowly drifted off to sleep.
[ORIN] He knew it was dangerous for her to be staying through the night, but he didn't care right now. It was for the morning to worry about. And each night he had been able to hold her, he wondered what it would be like to have this every night. To wake up every morning next to her. It was a luxury he would not be allowed, unless Cassandra allowed it. Tired eyes watched her as she touched his face and his lips and he smiled to her. Once she settled against him, he finally shut his eyes and allowed himself to drift off to sleep.
