Post by Aric Demarais on Mar 26, 2020 19:40:30 GMT -5
[ALEXANDRIA] She would have normally smiled at his words, kissed him deeply and lovingly, but she couldn't bring herself to do either. She was too distraught from everything and all of her energy was just gone. Alexandria did not want to move away from him, out of fear that she would slip away and into the darkness of her mind, and afraid if she let go even for a moment, she would lose him. They would get through all of this, together, because there was no other way.
Alexandria had slowly started to drift off in his arms as they laid in the silence, but after awhile and out of nowhere she startled and her body jerked in his arms and panic took over her. She yelled out and was fighting to get out of Aric's arms. Her nightmares were already haunting her in just a quick moment of sleep.
[ARIC] He, unfortunately, had fallen asleep, letting his thoughts go completely blank as he succumbed to the kinder darkness, that of rest. Both his body and mind needed it, but it would appear that the queen hadn't found the lull of sleep. When she startled, yelling and trying to get out of his arms, he woke him immediately. "What...?" Dazed and confused, he didn't know what was going on but was letting her go in his own moment of panic, desperately trying to wake himself up. "What happened?" he slurred groggily, now frantic. "Alexandria, what happened?" Dark eyes were instantly looking around the room as if expecting to find the source of danger.
[ALEXANDRIA] As he loosened his arms and let her go she sat up, breathing heavily, as if she had just been running. Her eyes darted around the room, expecting to see the same room she had been trapped inside on her dream. But it was different. Her wrists were throbbing and she looked down at them and saw the bruises. Her hands were trembling and she was trying to calm herself down as Aric was asking her what happened. It had only been a dream, but it was enough to shake her up, and she couldn't bring herself to talk as she was still groggy and confused, as if wondering how she ended up here in a silent room when she was just in a loud, dangerous situation. Her hand went to her chest as she tried to calm her racing heart and catch her breath. Finally, she looked to him and frowned, "I'm sorry... I had a bad dream...." Aric hadn't yet witnessed a bad night of sleep with the queen and it was likely going to be one of those nights.
[ARIC] The guards outside must have heard her, because they were already opening the door to look inside, but Aric silently dismissed them while the queen tried to gather herself together. Sitting himself up, he rubbed at his eyes. He'd started to do it with his injured hand, only to grimace inaudibly when the pain shot through it. So, right...it hadn't been a dream. All of it was real and it was still looming over their heads. His gaze drifted towards the window, having no idea as to what time it was before they fell to his wife. "Is there anything I can do?" He was at a loss. He'd had a nightmare like this once or twice in his life, but he had often drank himself into such a stupor to avoid it, that he'd just pass out. It really hadn't been the best of methods, to be honest.
[ALEXANDRIA]Her guards had grown accustomed to her nightmares and typically knew the difference between them and real danger. Though tonight, after everything, they wouldn't assume.
Alexandria rubbed her own face, trying to calm down. At Aric's question, she finally turned to him and shook her head. "No... I don't know..." She sighed quietly. "This is why I don't sleep usually..." She spent her waking days trying to keep her mind out of the darkness, so in her sleep, they haunted her, when she had no control over her mind.
[ARIC] He was desperately trying to blink the sleep away, propping himself up against his pillows because he didn't think trying to reach for her to comfort her was the best thing to do right now. As much as it was instinct to. "But you need to," he commented, knowing very well that it was easier said than done. He was actually surprised that he had even been able to doze off. "What about the sleeping draft?" Seamus was a trusted man, and he could tell that he was wishing he could help the queen.
[ALEXANDRIA] She had tried sleeping drafts before and it only made things worse. With a tired shake of her head, she answered him, "It won't help with the nightmares...it will only keep me trapped in them and unable to wake..." She would get sleep, but it would be a restless sleep and Aric would deal with a thrashing wife unable to wake up and would surely keep him awake. She sighed and moved to the edge of the bed, letting bare feet touch the floor. "I will rest somewhere else so you can get some sleep. You need to sleep." She stood up and moved over to the window, glancing out. She hadn't realized that Aric's room had the view facing the cliffs. It still had their ceremony decorations set up.
[ARIC] He couldn't help but sigh, but he wasn't going to fight her on it. She had clearly tried something before and it hadn't worked, so who was he to argue? As she rose up from the bed, he sat up a little straighter, shaking his head. "No. I'll not sleep knowing that you're just...standing there all night, letting yourself sink deeper into those thoughts." But even awake, he wasn't sure what he could do to help. Was there even anything he could do?
[ALEXANDRIA] She stood at his window, gaze looking out. The moon was full, which would probably explain everything if one believed in such things. It was bright and made the ocean glisten against the waves, quietly mesmerizing her. The light shined through his window, bathing her in a soft glow as she stood there, leaning against the wall dressed in just Aric's shirt. She hadn't removed her hair from the style they had put into it for the wedding, and it was disheveled with wavy curls flowing everywhere.
Aric's voice broke her out of her trance and she glanced back at him and just stared for a moment, unsure of what to say. He was right though, she'd lose track of time just standing at this window, staring out and trying to think of all the solutions for all of their problems and wallow in all of the bad situations that could occur. She frowned, wrapping her arms around herself before she spoke. "I'm trying, Aric..." meaning she was trying not to let herself sink deeper into the thoughts, but it was so difficult. "This is all just really hard to take in one day... My mind is racing with all that needs to be done... all that needs to be worried about..." She shook her head and glanced back out the window. "If you're not going to sleep, we might as well start working." She was only half joking. The exhaustion was hitting her, but she knew her sleep would be of no use to her tonight.
[ARIC] His vision had finally begun to clear as he woke up a little more, turning that tired gaze over to her. She was so lovely- he wished that pain didn't reside in her eyes. The pain caused by all these horrible memories that she couldn't get passed. "I know," he said with a sigh. "I didn't mean-" Aric trailed off, grumbling to himself. Sleep deprivation was messing with him, and he wasn't sure if he came across as cruel to her before. He slowly climbed out of bed, running a hand through his hair, but he didn't care that his clothes were rumpled. Moving to pour himself a glass of water, he took a few sips before refilling it; walking over to silently offer it to her. "Then tell me what it is that needs to be discussed. Before I've even been able to tell Eleesa that her husband is gone." It still sounded so wrong, and it was like a knife had pierced his chest.
[ALEXANDRIA] Her gaze moved away from the window and up to him as he stood near her, offering her the glass of water. She took it from him and took a few sips before handing it back to him. Her sapphire eyes looked to him and she frowned, shaking her head. He looked exhausted and she did not want to burden him with her own worries. "I don't know. I can't seem to organize my thoughts right now...they are all over the place. You really should sleep... I will just keep waking you if I try to go to sleep and keep having nightmares. I can leave...Go back to my..." she stopped herself, because she didn't think she would be able to handle being in there right now. She turned away from him and looked back out the window with a sigh. "I'm sorry... for everything today."
[ARIC] After what happened with Orin, he had sworn off whiskey for awhile...but he was suddenly wishing that water was that delicious amber liquid. But then he wouldn't be of any help right now, not that he was being very helpful to begin with. "You're not going back there," he said quickly. The way she had stopped her words, he assumed she knew she wouldn't be able to, however, Aric would get stern about it if she persisted. She couldn't sleep now- how would she expect to try in the room where it all happened? Setting that glass aside, he held back another sigh as he leaned against the wall beside her. He wanted to draw her into his arms, but he was hesitating all over again with not knowing how much he could comfort her in that way. Instead, he gently ran a hand up and down her back. "Nothing changes..." he told her. Aric could only guess that she was wondering what was about to happen to her kingdom. And in all honesty, he couldn't say this for certain, but he would anyway. "My nephew is the heir to Tresteria. He's young, and the council will have to appoint a regent to stand in his place until he becomes of age. The alliance still stands." Unless the new regent decides against it, but Aric hoped it could be Eleesa. That was going to be a whole other dilemma, considering the council was made up of men...who always desired men in places of power. "Our marriage does not go away. I do not go away..." He lifted his uninjured hand to tuck a strand of hair from her face, and he actually smirked, joking lightly with his next words. "Unless you're ready to kick me out." Humor aside, he couldn't blame her for even thinking about wanting to cut ties with Tresteria.
[ALEXANDRIA] It had been as if he were reading her mind. All of the things she was selfishly worrying about for her and Aralore, while Aric had to deal with the loss of his brother. She quietly listened to Aric as he answered some of the questions she had rummaging through her mind. But there were others that worried her, too. She looked at him as he moved the hair from her face, but she didn't laugh or smile as he made his joke. Instead, she took his hand into hers and gave him a look as if she were telling him that it wasn't funny. She sighed and finally let the outpouring of questions escape her. "But what if everything does change? What if I am blamed? If Aralore is blamed for all of this? If Tresteria wages war against us because of this? If your nephew or Eleesa blame me and never forgive me? If they do sever the alliance? If they want you as regent?" She took a deep breath trying to calm herself down. "If you no longer wish to be married to me, because Edward can no longer enforce this?" She looked away from him and back out the window, afraid to know the answers to all of the questions she just blurted out.
[ARIC] It would seem like there was no way he could ease her mind even a little bit, and that uselessness he was already feeling was heightening. But he let her ramble on, questioning things neither of them had answers to, questioning things that may not have really made sense because it wasn't logical. If anyone was to blame, it was the man who pounded Edward's face in. That drove the king to drink so much of that opium to stop the pain. Regardless, he said nothing...because it was what she said last that stunned him. Hurt him, even. Maybe it was the lack of sleep, but he was too tired to deal with that constant questioning of hers. Not with that, because it affected him just as much. It made him feel like, after everything he has said and done, it didn't even matter, apparently. His face sobered quickly then and he just as swiftly withdrew from her side. Perhaps he should have just left the room, and appeared to be doing just that...until he stopped and whirled around, knowing his sudden outburst was going to startle her. But that was how much those words hurt him. "I'm right here, Alexandria!" With his frustration, everything was finally just bursting to the surface: the entire night, what could have happened to her, the fact that Edward was truly dead...he was going to crack, because this was the last piece to make all those walls come crumbling down. His throat was even sore from the unshed tears that were stinging those dark eyes. "I've not fucking left! I pour my heart out to you, I put all of my trust into you...and you still question my loyalty? What must I do or say until you will believe me?" His heart was pounding in anguish and disbelief. She could question everything else all that she wanted...but not that. Not him. Not after everything.
[ALEXANDRIA] She had dealt with various relationships where they had left her, unable to deal with or handle the stresses, or they died. It was the dark thoughts that made her feel insecure about Aric now, and perhaps it wasn't fair to him that she was blaming or worried because of what others had done to her. So when Aric had his outburst towards her, her eyes widened and she watched him as he yelled at her. She was frozen, unable to move, unable to speak or stop him from his outpouring of frustration towards her. When he fell silent, Alexandria stood and stared at him for a moment. She wanted to go to him and embrace him, to tell him he had it all wrong, but she couldn't move. He had told her that he would never be aggressive towards her, but he was yelling, and after everything tonight, she played it cautiously. "Aric...." she finally managed to say in a shaken whisper. "I'm sorry...I..." she paused and rubbed her forehead with the back of her hand as she tried to figure out what she needed to say to explain. It wasn't very often that the queen lost her temper or yelled as she typically tried to stay as calm and even toned as much as possible. But with Aric yelling at her, with everything that happened throughout the day: the lack of sleep, the fact that she couldn't bear to cry anymore, her calm demeanor started to spiral out of control. "Because I am not used to this!!!..." She narrowed her eyes at Aric, fighting the urge to cry again. "Whatever this is between us... I've never felt anything like it... and it scares me to no end! Because I'm so afraid of losing you....because I've lost everyone I've ever had affection for... because they either leave or they die...How could I just not be afraid? What makes you so different? I've been promised before that I wouldn't be left. But it happens! I've told you that I am fucked up!!!"
The door suddenly opened and the guard peered in to make sure the queen was alright. He had heard the yelling. Alexandria snapped with impatience and frustration, her arm extended and pointed towards the door at the guard. "Close that door right now!" After the door shut, she turned away from Aric as she could no longer fight the tears from falling again. She was trying to calm herself, but she couldn't. She didn't know what else to say. She hadn't meant him to take the question so personally, but she understood why he would. And it was her fault, and her fucked up mind. She buried her face into her hands, shaking from her sudden burst of anger.
[ARIC] If she wanted to think this was aggressive, then so be it. She was already believing whatever else she wanted to. Then it was her turn to yell...and it wasn't making things any better. What made him so different? Was she hearing herself right now? Those words actually made him take a step back, barely even noticing the guard that opened the door to check in. He didn't even hear the man leave or the closing of the door again. "So, all of those promises..." Suddenly, his voice was eerily calm, a deep rumble from within his chest. He did not go to her even as she inevitably cried. "It's all convenient for you at the time, but when things get hard, it all doesn't matter. Everything is burning all around you and you shut everyone out and expect them to forget their own problems." A pause, needing to catch his breath despite the fact that he hadn't been yelling anymore. "What of me? What of my losses? Have I not suffered just as much? And yet I'm not the one standing here pushing you away. Despite the fact that I have to bury my disrespectful brother, figure out how to keep Tresteria from crumbling in order to keep your kingdom alive, I'm still here trying to comfort you!" And then there was that raised voice towards the end. "Because I made a fucking vow, Alexandria. And not out of convenience or because I was told to. Not once have I questioned your loyalty, but you've made it quite clear that I probably should have. I don't know what more you want from me." Fuming, feeling his own tears well up in his eyes again, he turned to try and find a pair of boots. "You're afraid of losing me?" he reiterated without looking at her now. "Then stop pushing me away and realize that I am different, from all of them!" And that was perhaps the first time he has ever sounded conceited...but that was how fiercely he loved her. He had changed so much of himself for her only to still be pushed aside.
[ALEXANDRIA] This was spinning out of control, and the whole reason Alexandria did not want to bring any of it up, especially after Aric finding out about his brother. Because despite what Aric thought, she did care and that it wasn't all about her. He had brought all of this up, even though she told him to get sleep and that she really couldn't piece her thoughts together. And now, it was all coming out a jumbled mess and Aric was jumping to conclusions, accusing her of things that were just wrong. Was there a miscommunication, somewhere? She didn't know. Didn't know what to say or do at this point. All of those promises... Her brows lowered as she looked at him, confused. But she let him continue, and the more he went on, the more her heart raced in her chest and she felt the stinging tears in her eyes. "Promises? What promises, Aric? When have I ever backed out on any of my promises?" She looked at him, shaking her head. "And how can you say that? I do not expect anyone to forget their own problems, because of mine? Have I not been here for you since finding out about your brother? I threw my hurt and pain aside to try my best to comfort you despite everything I've had to endure tonight... I did not want to get into any of this tonight... You somehow read my mind and brought all of this up--I did not! Because I did not want you to think I only care for myself, because I don't. Right now, I would rather die if it meant that everyone else could be happy and my issues weren't hanging over everyone's heads. I am sick to death of everyone's pity! Why the fuck do you think I shut everyone out? Push everyone away? Because I don't want anyone to know how weak I really am!" Her voice was cracking as she spoke as she tried so hard to choke back her tears. But she was losing that battle. "And don't you dare say that you need to question my loyalty! I've put aside all of my fears and worries to throw all of my trust in you...I've told you things that NO ONE in this entire world knows about me....About Aralore... " She looked down and shook her head, freely crying now. She covered her face and sunk down, falling to the floor underneath that window. Her knees were drawn up and she burried her face into them. Her voice was muffled then as she spoke. "I let you into my bed... Let you touch me... Let you do things to me that no one else has... " She looked up then, her face distraught as tears fell down her cheeks. "So do not tell me you should be questioning my loyalty... Because I am so fiercly loyal to you, Aric... You haven't a clue on how much you mean to me... Forgive me for fearing the worst and worrying that I will lose you....Because I've had to endure so much pain in my life... And I'm simply.... not allowed to be happy..." Her elbows rested on her knees and she placed her face back into her hands. "So I push away... shut out... Because it's easier than losing..." She was done. She did not know what else there was to say or do at this point.
[ARIC] He was slipping into his boots before fingers fumbled with the few buttons on his shirt that were still untied. His injured hand made it difficult, and it was only fueling his frustration more. He was doing all of this as she yelled back at him, falling down the wall and curling into herself again. "There you go again, saying they're your problems!" He spun around, losing his wits and self control all together. There would certainly be no sleeping tonight. "They're not! And no matter how many times I say it, you keep doing this. It's your choice to shut everyone out, but then you wonder why you crack beneath the weight of it all." They already had this argument before and he wasn't going to do it again. Aric was flinging the wardrobe open, grabbing the first jacket that he saw. It was cold outside, and he was probably going to be out there for awhile. He clearly wasn't needed here right now.
"Don't you dare." Now his tone was wavering, cracking under the pain and anger. "Don't you dare tell me any of that as if it helps... because that all goes right out the window the moment you still believe that I'll give up on you. That, Alexandria, is you giving up on me, refusing to see me right here beside you." He was throwing that jacket on and moving to the door, aware that his actions might go against his words...but there were things that had to be dealt with. If he wasn't going to sleep, if he couldn't help her, he can at least help with other problems. But he didn't open the door just yet. "You are allowed to be happy, but you rather let this foolish fear dictate your life. That is you choosing to be unhappy... because despite everything, I remained. And it hasn't been good enough. You still rather embrace this foolish notion that everything will go to Hell instead of embracing me, instead of taking control of your own life." Aric turned, his hand on the knob, he gritted his teeth. "When you're done pushing those who love you away, when you're tired of losing without even trying to fight, come find me." Then he left, telling the guards he wanted an extra person there at all times. If Aric couldn't even help his own wife, maybe he could help the damn kingdom she cared so much for.
[ALEXANDRIA] As he moved around his room getting himself ready to leave... after arguing that he was here for her and would never leave, there he was, leaving. And she couldn't bring herself to try and stop him. She wanted to, but she sat there frozen and hurt by Aric's words. Maybe partially because he was right. But he was calling her fears foolish. Foolish because she was still affected by the abuse she endured in her life? Foolish because nothing had gone right in her life---Even her wedding night had turned into a disaster. But her feelings were foolish now. It hurt, and she couldn't look at him now. She folded her arms on top of her knees and just put her head down as Aric gave her the ultimatum and then left. He left her alone, alone in the darkness. Alone in the silence. What had happened to him not wanting to sleep to leave her alone to slip away into that darkness? She just sat there as the silence lingered now, leaving her with nothing but these dark thoughts that threatened to consume her.
And she felt trapped, here in this room. Afraid to leave it. Afraid to go back to her room to find clothes so she could go after him. She needed to sort through all of these thoughts.. Including the ones Aric had just thrown at her. But she silently prayed he would come back to her. If not right away, then eventually tonight.
[ARIC] If she truly understood him, she'd know that he didn't mean anything about that dark past. It was everything in the present, how she thought pushing him away was the best thing to do. Well, she succeeded in making that happen. If he had fallen asleep, it would have looked just as bad, and like he "didn't care". She wanted to be in the dark, she wanted to push others away instead of taking a risk to see if things got better. Of course, this night had gone all sorts of wrong, but the source of it was dead. His brother was dead. The thought had him pause abruptly, his throat closing up. No matter how hard he tried to forget it or ignore it, the reality crept back and was threatening to close him up. He realized he was outside of Cassandra's room, two guards stationed there, and he thought about seeing if she was still awake to talk. But talking would mean he would have to tell her what happened to Edward...and he wasn't ready for that. He was still struggling to come to terms with it himself. So, he kept moving, not exactly sure where to go, knowing Alexandria was probably lost and crying, but he couldn't turn back. Maybe it was pathetic that he was practically in tears himself, but a part of him also didn't care. He had every right to be breaking down, for those walls to crumble brick by brick.
[ORIN] He had spent the evening getting things in order around the castle. Edward's body had been removed from the cell and was in the infirmary as the healers worked to figure out the actual cause of death. He instructed everyone who knew about the death, to remain quiet about it until it did become public knowledge. Just not yet--Not until the Tresterian family found out from Aric.
What a fucking night. Orin had not stopped since finding out about his sister's near rape. And exhaustion was setting in. So he was heading towards his room when he spotted Aric wandering aimlessly down the hallways. He raised a brow and stopped, noticing the look on his face--the tears in his eyes. "Aric?" If he was here, where was Alexandria? He glanced around, as if half expecting to see his sister, but she was nowhere in sight. Gaze flickered back to Aric. "Are you alright?" Probably a stupid question, of course, with everything that he had gone through in just one single day…
[ARIC] Thinking about taking one of the horses out and just...going wherever the animal wanted to. He wouldn't care. But he was stopping short when he suddenly saw Orin. Well, fuck. The man probably won't want to hear that Aric just left his sister crying in his room. Running a hand down his face, trying to dry his own eyes full of tears, he was rubbing the back of his neck soon after, attempting to act like he was fine. Yet, when he tried to answer and lie that he was okay, he felt his walls crack further. "No," he said, shaking his head, letting those tear-filled eyes drift down to his boots. "No, I'm not. And she's not. And I don't know what the fuck I'm doing anymore."
[ORIN] He was expecting Aric to lie, perhaps... to act like he was fine when Orin knew that he couldn't be alright. After everything that happened, how could anyone be alright? So when Aric told the truth, admitting that he wasn't alright, he blinked in surprise. But when he mentioned Alexandria wasn't alright, he panicked. "What happened? Where is she?" He looked passed Aric, wondering if she wasn't ok, why Aric was out here. "Did something else happen?" He looked back at Aric with worry on his face. God, he couldn't take one more thing happening tonight. This day just needed to end. "Aric... Where is she?"
[ARIC] His good hand ran through his hair again, pulling at the strands, completely lost now. He left that room thinking he had a purpose...and he really didn't. Lack of sleep was definitely messing with him, because it always made everything so much worse. "She's in my room, she's alright." Well, that was kind of contradictory, wasn't it? Grimacing, realizing he probably wasn't making much sense, he turned to fall against the wall in defeat. "We had a fight," he admitted, his eyes stinging. "Why does she do this? Why does she keep pushing me away? She tells me she's afraid of losing anyone, of losing me...then casts me aside and wonders if I still want to be married?" He was rambling, and it barely made any sense to him, so it probably made no sense to Orin.
[ORIN] As Aric told him Alexandria was okay and in his room, he sighed in relief and watched as Aric fell against the wall. Brows furrowed in confusion, but he was admitting that he and Alexandria had a fight. And then he was asking him why she does what she does. Orin sighed and leaned against the wall next to Aric. "Because... It's a defense she puts up..." He scratched the back of his head. How could he begin to explain the complexity of the queen's mind? He had no idea. "I do not think she means to. Not on purpose. But she has seen a lot of death in her life... A lot of loss... That she has had to push aside, never giving herself a chance to fully recover or mend those feelings... So she puts up walls to try and prevent them from happening--but it only makes things worse and she doesn't understand or see that." He shrugged his shoulders and sighed again. "I'm assuming the king's death has her worried that she will lose the alliance.... and lose you?" He looked at Aric questioningly. "If that's the case, the walls go up...because she thinks that will prevent the hurt she will feel if it actually does happen how she fears..." He cleared his throat and looked at Aric, studying his face.
[ARIC] He really wished he could get all of these thoughts under control, because it was making everything worse. Aric really had to concentrate to hear Orin's response, really had to try and ignore everything else as he leaned his head back against the stone. And maybe he wasn't going completely insane, because the man seemed to see where his confusion was coming from. "I already told her she wouldn't lose either. I already told her- numerous times- that I am here. And still, she questioned whether I wanted this." Aric shut his eyes, suddenly aware of his throbbing hand again because he was too busy thinking about everything else before. "No matter what I do or say to her...I fail." He finally just let himself slide down the wall; his knees bent in front of him. "I already lost a wife...and now I'm afraid of losing another because she's too afraid to try, to push through this..." Those words trailed off into a question, like he wasn't sure how any of this made sense. But now the conversation was just going to go around in circles. "How do you prove you love someone when she hasn't believed it any other way?" Once he got talking, it seemed, he couldn't stop.
[ORIN] He shook his head and laughed slightly, but mostly out of exhaustion. "Aric..." He sighed. "You don't fail.... " He shook his head again. "Each time you assure her... You prove something, you're there for her...whatever it may be... You chip away at those walls she puts up... Tonight, was probably a set back, with everything that happened. She's devastated... And surely, running away from her probably isn't helping much either..." He slid down the wall and sat down next to Aric and laughed. "You are doing the same thing, though... Putting blinders on and not realizing that you have made progress with her...and that she does believe you love her. Did you not hear her vows to you at the wedding? She could have made up the most generic, love-less statement if she really wanted to push you away-- if she really didn't care. I see the way she looks at you. You must have done something right... "
[ARIC] Dark eyes narrowed when he heard Orin laugh, turning his attention back over to him. But it wasn't so much of an annoyance as it was curiosity now. They were both exhausted, and yet they were both awake. "I had to get out. I feel like I need to be doing something, fixing this...somehow..." Fingers rubbed at his eyes. "She couldn't sleep, I was...but I can't sleep if she can't sleep...I can't leave her there like that...then the fight happened..." How did things get so complicated? Funny thing was, he didn't consider everything else that happened today to be complicated...it was the fight. Strangely, he could handle everything else, but not this. When Orin joined him on the floor and laughed again, he actually shoved him a little. But it was enough to crack a smile on his face, albeit a very small one. "I don't know how I could have done anything right," he confessed. He ran a hand down his face again. "Save what's left of your sanity and don't get married." Oh, look, an attempt at a joke. Was his mind starting to clear a little bit...or was he just losing more of it, trying to joke at a time like this?
[ORIN] "You can't leave her there like that to sleep? But yet, you left her?" His voice sounded puzzled, trying to make sense of it all. "And I've already taken care of everything that can be taken care of right now...The rest has to wait until morning. So, I'm sorry to say, but there's nothing left for you to try to fix right now.... Except maybe your marriage?" He laughed again, nudging Aric. "You're being foolish if you think you haven't done anything right. And you're sounding a lot like her now...." He laughed again and rubbed his face, tiredly. "Oh, dear brother... I don't plan on marrying. Remember, I can't get a girl... I don't have your singing skills." Now Orin was trying to make jokes.
[ARIC] "I had a plan..." he admitted when Orin mentioned leaving. "I just...can't remember what it was." He was so sleep deprived now that one might think he was drunk. And being drunk may have been twenty times better right now. Maybe. "I don't even know what time it is..." The rest has to wait until morning. And he was dreading that. Arms upon his knees, he leaned forward to filter his fingers into his hair and rest his head within the palm of his hand. He was so exhausted, and he had no idea on how to fix any of this right now. But Orin managed to make him laugh- it was quiet and from deep within his chest, but a laugh nonetheless. "We should do that again some time."
[ORIN] He laughed out loudly at Aric's last comment, as if he were crazy. But then he stopped and spoke. "Absolutely, we do." He looked back at Aric and shook his head. "It's late... We should be sleeping because god knows what the hell tomorrow is going to bring..." He sighed, rubbing his face. "Go back to her.. And go to bed... It will all be here tomorrow.... Or later today, at this point?" He wasn't sure what time it was either, but he imagined it was close to midnight by now. Or just after it.
[ARIC] If Orin hadn't been there, he very well may have fallen asleep right against the wall. He'd slowly nod, though- everyone should be in bed, but he knew he would probably not be sleeping. "I doubt I'll sleep because she won't...but yeah," he commented tiredly. In truth, he wasn't looking forward to walking back into that room, but he couldn't stay out here all night. His good hand clapped Orin on the shoulder before he climbed up to his feet, offering him a hand. "Thank you," he told him with a look of gratitude.
[ORIN] He stood up with Aric's help and nodded. "Sure. Just... " He sighed. "You promised you wouldn't give up on her... So don't..." He squeezed his shoulder and forced a smile. "Goodnight, Aric..." He pushed Aric in the direction back to his room before he walked off to go back to his.
[ARIC]He didn't give up on her. And just because he was wandering the halls like a homeless person didn't mean he had. But again, good thing Orin was there, because he started to walk off in the wrong direction, only to be turned around. "Oh, right...that way," he murmured half amused. Still rubbing at his eyes, trying to push away as much sleep as he could, he lightly called out to his brother-in-law as he stumbled his way down the corridor, "Better work on that singing voice for next time!" The hallway to the royal rooms was quiet. He bypassed Cassandra's again and then Henry's, and couldn't even look at Alexandria's door. He wasn't even sure if or when he'd be able to set foot in there again. But then he finally came to his own room where he would nod to the guards stationed outside and quietly open the door.
[ALEXANDRIA] Aric had left the room, leaving her to her thoughts and sorry, alone. The candles had started burning low, making the room more dim. She had sat in that spot under the window, and cried, unsure of what to think or do at this point. Aric was right about some things, but wrong about a lot of other arguments he had made. And she wasn't sure how to explain any of it to him. She didn't know what to say to him to get him to understand...To believe her now. She had cried herself to sleep, seated on the floor still, with her knees up by her chest, and her head against the wall.
[ARIC] It was terribly quiet in that room, but he was quick to notice that she hadn't moved from that particular spot. And of course, she was asleep. The last thing he wanted to do was wake her, since she may not find rest again...but he couldn't just leave her there, either. Not really knowing what else to do, and the exhaustion wasn't helping, he made his way closer. Fearful of waking her and frightening her, Aric gingerly tried to scoop her up into his arms so that he could carry her over to that bed.
[ALEXANDRIA] She hadn't expected to fall asleep. But her head was pounding, her eyes stung and were puffy and red, and she dozed off despite all of her discomfort. She startled as he picked her up, waking slightly, in a confused and lost state, but she curled up against him, resting her head on his shoulder. "Aric?" She groggily questioned him, as if asking him what he was doing. She didn't know how long he had been gone, or where he had gone to, but he was back, and she wasn't entirely sure he would come back to her tonight, as he had made it sound that he had no intention of it, and that she would need to find him. But he was here and holding her in his arms and she didn't know why. This day had played with her emotions all too much and she wasn't sure what to think anymore. "Leave me alone. " she finally said to him, still half asleep but that anger still resided in her.
[ARIC] It was hard not to push unnecessary pressure on his wrapped hand, but he dealt with it as he carried her to the bed. "Sshh, it's me...just go back to sleep," he tried to soothe quietly. He didn't want her waking up, didn't want her suffering for the rest of the night. Placing her down, he kicked out of his boots and shrugged out of his jacket, letting them fall into a heap on the floor before climbing next to her. He was still cautious, still not wanting to frighten her, but she seemed to know it was him, telling him to leave her alone. He pulled a blanket over them as he drew her back to him and the now steady breathing of his chest. "I can't," he quietly told her, his words getting lost in her hair. "I cannot sleep without my wife beside me."
[ALEXANDRIA] All of her energy was gone and she couldn't fight anymore. She couldn't cry or argue or deal with one more thing tonight. So when he was pulling her against him, she didn't fight him. She buried her face into his chest, and as she heard his voice vibrate against her ear, she closed her eyes tightly, letting out a quiet and frustrated sigh. She didn't know what to think because he was saying this to her initially, and then leaving and now he was back and claiming he could not sleep without her. But she couldn't argue anymore, she didn't want to. So instead, she wrapped an arm around him and hugged him tightly, not letting go. "I need you here with me, Aric. I need my husband. And I'm sorry.... I'm sorry for everything."
[ARIC] The way she tried handling everything by herself all the time was going to kill her. It made him desperate to leave that room and somehow magically fix everything, despite it being exactly what she was doing, in a way. At least he had been willing to listen to Orin. The man was smarter than he looked. A soft sigh of relief when she wrapped her arm around him, and he pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "I'm sorry, too." Some of the things weren't even in either of their control and yet they had to worry about them, stress about them until it all blew up. "But no more of this tonight," he requested softly. They needed to sleep because the morning wasn't going to be any easier. The thought had his arms tightening around her a little more, as though it would keep all that stress at bay.
[ALEXANDRIA] It would take her a while to understand that she had help now. When she had gone so long without, it wouldn't be instantaneous for her to adapt and throw the burdens onto someone else's shoulders so easily.
She nodded her head in agreement. No more of this tonight. And he was pulling her closer to him, wrapping his arms around her tighter. "Don't let me go..." she whispered to him. Her tone insinuated that she didn't just mean in the physical sense right now, but for everything. She knew she pushed people away, and she couldn't help it. But she did not want to push him away..and she needed him to know that she did not mean to make him feel like she was trying to. "No matter what... please don't let me go..." She nuzzled her face against him and wrapped her arm tighter around him, wanting to steal all of his warmth because she was feeling so cold.
[ARIC] His throat felt tight again, but he was too tired to cry. He'd lean down to kiss the side of her face while she spoke, his arms keeping her close against him. "I know. I won't," he replied quietly, understanding her meaning. "I won't. I'm sorry." A slow, staggered in breath, he let it out just as slow while he comfortably settled back against the pillow, enveloping her in his warmth. "I love you." His words were barely audible against that ebony hair, and he found himself slowly drifting off to sleep.
[ALEXANDRIA] She shifted a bit to get comfortable against him, keeping her head down on his chest, using him for a pillow tonight, because she did not want to be anywhere else but in his arms and close to him. She felt his chest vibrate as he spoke and she pressed her fingers into his chest by his heart. "I love you," she responded quietly, but he was drifting off to sleep and she laid there silently, listening to his breath and the beating of his heart. She would not fall asleep right away, but remained in his arms, trying to focus on what was right there around her. Perhaps another half hour had gone by before Alexandria finally drifted off.
Alexandria had slowly started to drift off in his arms as they laid in the silence, but after awhile and out of nowhere she startled and her body jerked in his arms and panic took over her. She yelled out and was fighting to get out of Aric's arms. Her nightmares were already haunting her in just a quick moment of sleep.
[ARIC] He, unfortunately, had fallen asleep, letting his thoughts go completely blank as he succumbed to the kinder darkness, that of rest. Both his body and mind needed it, but it would appear that the queen hadn't found the lull of sleep. When she startled, yelling and trying to get out of his arms, he woke him immediately. "What...?" Dazed and confused, he didn't know what was going on but was letting her go in his own moment of panic, desperately trying to wake himself up. "What happened?" he slurred groggily, now frantic. "Alexandria, what happened?" Dark eyes were instantly looking around the room as if expecting to find the source of danger.
[ALEXANDRIA] As he loosened his arms and let her go she sat up, breathing heavily, as if she had just been running. Her eyes darted around the room, expecting to see the same room she had been trapped inside on her dream. But it was different. Her wrists were throbbing and she looked down at them and saw the bruises. Her hands were trembling and she was trying to calm herself down as Aric was asking her what happened. It had only been a dream, but it was enough to shake her up, and she couldn't bring herself to talk as she was still groggy and confused, as if wondering how she ended up here in a silent room when she was just in a loud, dangerous situation. Her hand went to her chest as she tried to calm her racing heart and catch her breath. Finally, she looked to him and frowned, "I'm sorry... I had a bad dream...." Aric hadn't yet witnessed a bad night of sleep with the queen and it was likely going to be one of those nights.
[ARIC] The guards outside must have heard her, because they were already opening the door to look inside, but Aric silently dismissed them while the queen tried to gather herself together. Sitting himself up, he rubbed at his eyes. He'd started to do it with his injured hand, only to grimace inaudibly when the pain shot through it. So, right...it hadn't been a dream. All of it was real and it was still looming over their heads. His gaze drifted towards the window, having no idea as to what time it was before they fell to his wife. "Is there anything I can do?" He was at a loss. He'd had a nightmare like this once or twice in his life, but he had often drank himself into such a stupor to avoid it, that he'd just pass out. It really hadn't been the best of methods, to be honest.
[ALEXANDRIA]Her guards had grown accustomed to her nightmares and typically knew the difference between them and real danger. Though tonight, after everything, they wouldn't assume.
Alexandria rubbed her own face, trying to calm down. At Aric's question, she finally turned to him and shook her head. "No... I don't know..." She sighed quietly. "This is why I don't sleep usually..." She spent her waking days trying to keep her mind out of the darkness, so in her sleep, they haunted her, when she had no control over her mind.
[ARIC] He was desperately trying to blink the sleep away, propping himself up against his pillows because he didn't think trying to reach for her to comfort her was the best thing to do right now. As much as it was instinct to. "But you need to," he commented, knowing very well that it was easier said than done. He was actually surprised that he had even been able to doze off. "What about the sleeping draft?" Seamus was a trusted man, and he could tell that he was wishing he could help the queen.
[ALEXANDRIA] She had tried sleeping drafts before and it only made things worse. With a tired shake of her head, she answered him, "It won't help with the nightmares...it will only keep me trapped in them and unable to wake..." She would get sleep, but it would be a restless sleep and Aric would deal with a thrashing wife unable to wake up and would surely keep him awake. She sighed and moved to the edge of the bed, letting bare feet touch the floor. "I will rest somewhere else so you can get some sleep. You need to sleep." She stood up and moved over to the window, glancing out. She hadn't realized that Aric's room had the view facing the cliffs. It still had their ceremony decorations set up.
[ARIC] He couldn't help but sigh, but he wasn't going to fight her on it. She had clearly tried something before and it hadn't worked, so who was he to argue? As she rose up from the bed, he sat up a little straighter, shaking his head. "No. I'll not sleep knowing that you're just...standing there all night, letting yourself sink deeper into those thoughts." But even awake, he wasn't sure what he could do to help. Was there even anything he could do?
[ALEXANDRIA] She stood at his window, gaze looking out. The moon was full, which would probably explain everything if one believed in such things. It was bright and made the ocean glisten against the waves, quietly mesmerizing her. The light shined through his window, bathing her in a soft glow as she stood there, leaning against the wall dressed in just Aric's shirt. She hadn't removed her hair from the style they had put into it for the wedding, and it was disheveled with wavy curls flowing everywhere.
Aric's voice broke her out of her trance and she glanced back at him and just stared for a moment, unsure of what to say. He was right though, she'd lose track of time just standing at this window, staring out and trying to think of all the solutions for all of their problems and wallow in all of the bad situations that could occur. She frowned, wrapping her arms around herself before she spoke. "I'm trying, Aric..." meaning she was trying not to let herself sink deeper into the thoughts, but it was so difficult. "This is all just really hard to take in one day... My mind is racing with all that needs to be done... all that needs to be worried about..." She shook her head and glanced back out the window. "If you're not going to sleep, we might as well start working." She was only half joking. The exhaustion was hitting her, but she knew her sleep would be of no use to her tonight.
[ARIC] His vision had finally begun to clear as he woke up a little more, turning that tired gaze over to her. She was so lovely- he wished that pain didn't reside in her eyes. The pain caused by all these horrible memories that she couldn't get passed. "I know," he said with a sigh. "I didn't mean-" Aric trailed off, grumbling to himself. Sleep deprivation was messing with him, and he wasn't sure if he came across as cruel to her before. He slowly climbed out of bed, running a hand through his hair, but he didn't care that his clothes were rumpled. Moving to pour himself a glass of water, he took a few sips before refilling it; walking over to silently offer it to her. "Then tell me what it is that needs to be discussed. Before I've even been able to tell Eleesa that her husband is gone." It still sounded so wrong, and it was like a knife had pierced his chest.
[ALEXANDRIA] Her gaze moved away from the window and up to him as he stood near her, offering her the glass of water. She took it from him and took a few sips before handing it back to him. Her sapphire eyes looked to him and she frowned, shaking her head. He looked exhausted and she did not want to burden him with her own worries. "I don't know. I can't seem to organize my thoughts right now...they are all over the place. You really should sleep... I will just keep waking you if I try to go to sleep and keep having nightmares. I can leave...Go back to my..." she stopped herself, because she didn't think she would be able to handle being in there right now. She turned away from him and looked back out the window with a sigh. "I'm sorry... for everything today."
[ARIC] After what happened with Orin, he had sworn off whiskey for awhile...but he was suddenly wishing that water was that delicious amber liquid. But then he wouldn't be of any help right now, not that he was being very helpful to begin with. "You're not going back there," he said quickly. The way she had stopped her words, he assumed she knew she wouldn't be able to, however, Aric would get stern about it if she persisted. She couldn't sleep now- how would she expect to try in the room where it all happened? Setting that glass aside, he held back another sigh as he leaned against the wall beside her. He wanted to draw her into his arms, but he was hesitating all over again with not knowing how much he could comfort her in that way. Instead, he gently ran a hand up and down her back. "Nothing changes..." he told her. Aric could only guess that she was wondering what was about to happen to her kingdom. And in all honesty, he couldn't say this for certain, but he would anyway. "My nephew is the heir to Tresteria. He's young, and the council will have to appoint a regent to stand in his place until he becomes of age. The alliance still stands." Unless the new regent decides against it, but Aric hoped it could be Eleesa. That was going to be a whole other dilemma, considering the council was made up of men...who always desired men in places of power. "Our marriage does not go away. I do not go away..." He lifted his uninjured hand to tuck a strand of hair from her face, and he actually smirked, joking lightly with his next words. "Unless you're ready to kick me out." Humor aside, he couldn't blame her for even thinking about wanting to cut ties with Tresteria.
[ALEXANDRIA] It had been as if he were reading her mind. All of the things she was selfishly worrying about for her and Aralore, while Aric had to deal with the loss of his brother. She quietly listened to Aric as he answered some of the questions she had rummaging through her mind. But there were others that worried her, too. She looked at him as he moved the hair from her face, but she didn't laugh or smile as he made his joke. Instead, she took his hand into hers and gave him a look as if she were telling him that it wasn't funny. She sighed and finally let the outpouring of questions escape her. "But what if everything does change? What if I am blamed? If Aralore is blamed for all of this? If Tresteria wages war against us because of this? If your nephew or Eleesa blame me and never forgive me? If they do sever the alliance? If they want you as regent?" She took a deep breath trying to calm herself down. "If you no longer wish to be married to me, because Edward can no longer enforce this?" She looked away from him and back out the window, afraid to know the answers to all of the questions she just blurted out.
[ARIC] It would seem like there was no way he could ease her mind even a little bit, and that uselessness he was already feeling was heightening. But he let her ramble on, questioning things neither of them had answers to, questioning things that may not have really made sense because it wasn't logical. If anyone was to blame, it was the man who pounded Edward's face in. That drove the king to drink so much of that opium to stop the pain. Regardless, he said nothing...because it was what she said last that stunned him. Hurt him, even. Maybe it was the lack of sleep, but he was too tired to deal with that constant questioning of hers. Not with that, because it affected him just as much. It made him feel like, after everything he has said and done, it didn't even matter, apparently. His face sobered quickly then and he just as swiftly withdrew from her side. Perhaps he should have just left the room, and appeared to be doing just that...until he stopped and whirled around, knowing his sudden outburst was going to startle her. But that was how much those words hurt him. "I'm right here, Alexandria!" With his frustration, everything was finally just bursting to the surface: the entire night, what could have happened to her, the fact that Edward was truly dead...he was going to crack, because this was the last piece to make all those walls come crumbling down. His throat was even sore from the unshed tears that were stinging those dark eyes. "I've not fucking left! I pour my heart out to you, I put all of my trust into you...and you still question my loyalty? What must I do or say until you will believe me?" His heart was pounding in anguish and disbelief. She could question everything else all that she wanted...but not that. Not him. Not after everything.
[ALEXANDRIA] She had dealt with various relationships where they had left her, unable to deal with or handle the stresses, or they died. It was the dark thoughts that made her feel insecure about Aric now, and perhaps it wasn't fair to him that she was blaming or worried because of what others had done to her. So when Aric had his outburst towards her, her eyes widened and she watched him as he yelled at her. She was frozen, unable to move, unable to speak or stop him from his outpouring of frustration towards her. When he fell silent, Alexandria stood and stared at him for a moment. She wanted to go to him and embrace him, to tell him he had it all wrong, but she couldn't move. He had told her that he would never be aggressive towards her, but he was yelling, and after everything tonight, she played it cautiously. "Aric...." she finally managed to say in a shaken whisper. "I'm sorry...I..." she paused and rubbed her forehead with the back of her hand as she tried to figure out what she needed to say to explain. It wasn't very often that the queen lost her temper or yelled as she typically tried to stay as calm and even toned as much as possible. But with Aric yelling at her, with everything that happened throughout the day: the lack of sleep, the fact that she couldn't bear to cry anymore, her calm demeanor started to spiral out of control. "Because I am not used to this!!!..." She narrowed her eyes at Aric, fighting the urge to cry again. "Whatever this is between us... I've never felt anything like it... and it scares me to no end! Because I'm so afraid of losing you....because I've lost everyone I've ever had affection for... because they either leave or they die...How could I just not be afraid? What makes you so different? I've been promised before that I wouldn't be left. But it happens! I've told you that I am fucked up!!!"
The door suddenly opened and the guard peered in to make sure the queen was alright. He had heard the yelling. Alexandria snapped with impatience and frustration, her arm extended and pointed towards the door at the guard. "Close that door right now!" After the door shut, she turned away from Aric as she could no longer fight the tears from falling again. She was trying to calm herself, but she couldn't. She didn't know what else to say. She hadn't meant him to take the question so personally, but she understood why he would. And it was her fault, and her fucked up mind. She buried her face into her hands, shaking from her sudden burst of anger.
[ARIC] If she wanted to think this was aggressive, then so be it. She was already believing whatever else she wanted to. Then it was her turn to yell...and it wasn't making things any better. What made him so different? Was she hearing herself right now? Those words actually made him take a step back, barely even noticing the guard that opened the door to check in. He didn't even hear the man leave or the closing of the door again. "So, all of those promises..." Suddenly, his voice was eerily calm, a deep rumble from within his chest. He did not go to her even as she inevitably cried. "It's all convenient for you at the time, but when things get hard, it all doesn't matter. Everything is burning all around you and you shut everyone out and expect them to forget their own problems." A pause, needing to catch his breath despite the fact that he hadn't been yelling anymore. "What of me? What of my losses? Have I not suffered just as much? And yet I'm not the one standing here pushing you away. Despite the fact that I have to bury my disrespectful brother, figure out how to keep Tresteria from crumbling in order to keep your kingdom alive, I'm still here trying to comfort you!" And then there was that raised voice towards the end. "Because I made a fucking vow, Alexandria. And not out of convenience or because I was told to. Not once have I questioned your loyalty, but you've made it quite clear that I probably should have. I don't know what more you want from me." Fuming, feeling his own tears well up in his eyes again, he turned to try and find a pair of boots. "You're afraid of losing me?" he reiterated without looking at her now. "Then stop pushing me away and realize that I am different, from all of them!" And that was perhaps the first time he has ever sounded conceited...but that was how fiercely he loved her. He had changed so much of himself for her only to still be pushed aside.
[ALEXANDRIA] This was spinning out of control, and the whole reason Alexandria did not want to bring any of it up, especially after Aric finding out about his brother. Because despite what Aric thought, she did care and that it wasn't all about her. He had brought all of this up, even though she told him to get sleep and that she really couldn't piece her thoughts together. And now, it was all coming out a jumbled mess and Aric was jumping to conclusions, accusing her of things that were just wrong. Was there a miscommunication, somewhere? She didn't know. Didn't know what to say or do at this point. All of those promises... Her brows lowered as she looked at him, confused. But she let him continue, and the more he went on, the more her heart raced in her chest and she felt the stinging tears in her eyes. "Promises? What promises, Aric? When have I ever backed out on any of my promises?" She looked at him, shaking her head. "And how can you say that? I do not expect anyone to forget their own problems, because of mine? Have I not been here for you since finding out about your brother? I threw my hurt and pain aside to try my best to comfort you despite everything I've had to endure tonight... I did not want to get into any of this tonight... You somehow read my mind and brought all of this up--I did not! Because I did not want you to think I only care for myself, because I don't. Right now, I would rather die if it meant that everyone else could be happy and my issues weren't hanging over everyone's heads. I am sick to death of everyone's pity! Why the fuck do you think I shut everyone out? Push everyone away? Because I don't want anyone to know how weak I really am!" Her voice was cracking as she spoke as she tried so hard to choke back her tears. But she was losing that battle. "And don't you dare say that you need to question my loyalty! I've put aside all of my fears and worries to throw all of my trust in you...I've told you things that NO ONE in this entire world knows about me....About Aralore... " She looked down and shook her head, freely crying now. She covered her face and sunk down, falling to the floor underneath that window. Her knees were drawn up and she burried her face into them. Her voice was muffled then as she spoke. "I let you into my bed... Let you touch me... Let you do things to me that no one else has... " She looked up then, her face distraught as tears fell down her cheeks. "So do not tell me you should be questioning my loyalty... Because I am so fiercly loyal to you, Aric... You haven't a clue on how much you mean to me... Forgive me for fearing the worst and worrying that I will lose you....Because I've had to endure so much pain in my life... And I'm simply.... not allowed to be happy..." Her elbows rested on her knees and she placed her face back into her hands. "So I push away... shut out... Because it's easier than losing..." She was done. She did not know what else there was to say or do at this point.
[ARIC] He was slipping into his boots before fingers fumbled with the few buttons on his shirt that were still untied. His injured hand made it difficult, and it was only fueling his frustration more. He was doing all of this as she yelled back at him, falling down the wall and curling into herself again. "There you go again, saying they're your problems!" He spun around, losing his wits and self control all together. There would certainly be no sleeping tonight. "They're not! And no matter how many times I say it, you keep doing this. It's your choice to shut everyone out, but then you wonder why you crack beneath the weight of it all." They already had this argument before and he wasn't going to do it again. Aric was flinging the wardrobe open, grabbing the first jacket that he saw. It was cold outside, and he was probably going to be out there for awhile. He clearly wasn't needed here right now.
"Don't you dare." Now his tone was wavering, cracking under the pain and anger. "Don't you dare tell me any of that as if it helps... because that all goes right out the window the moment you still believe that I'll give up on you. That, Alexandria, is you giving up on me, refusing to see me right here beside you." He was throwing that jacket on and moving to the door, aware that his actions might go against his words...but there were things that had to be dealt with. If he wasn't going to sleep, if he couldn't help her, he can at least help with other problems. But he didn't open the door just yet. "You are allowed to be happy, but you rather let this foolish fear dictate your life. That is you choosing to be unhappy... because despite everything, I remained. And it hasn't been good enough. You still rather embrace this foolish notion that everything will go to Hell instead of embracing me, instead of taking control of your own life." Aric turned, his hand on the knob, he gritted his teeth. "When you're done pushing those who love you away, when you're tired of losing without even trying to fight, come find me." Then he left, telling the guards he wanted an extra person there at all times. If Aric couldn't even help his own wife, maybe he could help the damn kingdom she cared so much for.
[ALEXANDRIA] As he moved around his room getting himself ready to leave... after arguing that he was here for her and would never leave, there he was, leaving. And she couldn't bring herself to try and stop him. She wanted to, but she sat there frozen and hurt by Aric's words. Maybe partially because he was right. But he was calling her fears foolish. Foolish because she was still affected by the abuse she endured in her life? Foolish because nothing had gone right in her life---Even her wedding night had turned into a disaster. But her feelings were foolish now. It hurt, and she couldn't look at him now. She folded her arms on top of her knees and just put her head down as Aric gave her the ultimatum and then left. He left her alone, alone in the darkness. Alone in the silence. What had happened to him not wanting to sleep to leave her alone to slip away into that darkness? She just sat there as the silence lingered now, leaving her with nothing but these dark thoughts that threatened to consume her.
And she felt trapped, here in this room. Afraid to leave it. Afraid to go back to her room to find clothes so she could go after him. She needed to sort through all of these thoughts.. Including the ones Aric had just thrown at her. But she silently prayed he would come back to her. If not right away, then eventually tonight.
[ARIC] If she truly understood him, she'd know that he didn't mean anything about that dark past. It was everything in the present, how she thought pushing him away was the best thing to do. Well, she succeeded in making that happen. If he had fallen asleep, it would have looked just as bad, and like he "didn't care". She wanted to be in the dark, she wanted to push others away instead of taking a risk to see if things got better. Of course, this night had gone all sorts of wrong, but the source of it was dead. His brother was dead. The thought had him pause abruptly, his throat closing up. No matter how hard he tried to forget it or ignore it, the reality crept back and was threatening to close him up. He realized he was outside of Cassandra's room, two guards stationed there, and he thought about seeing if she was still awake to talk. But talking would mean he would have to tell her what happened to Edward...and he wasn't ready for that. He was still struggling to come to terms with it himself. So, he kept moving, not exactly sure where to go, knowing Alexandria was probably lost and crying, but he couldn't turn back. Maybe it was pathetic that he was practically in tears himself, but a part of him also didn't care. He had every right to be breaking down, for those walls to crumble brick by brick.
[ORIN] He had spent the evening getting things in order around the castle. Edward's body had been removed from the cell and was in the infirmary as the healers worked to figure out the actual cause of death. He instructed everyone who knew about the death, to remain quiet about it until it did become public knowledge. Just not yet--Not until the Tresterian family found out from Aric.
What a fucking night. Orin had not stopped since finding out about his sister's near rape. And exhaustion was setting in. So he was heading towards his room when he spotted Aric wandering aimlessly down the hallways. He raised a brow and stopped, noticing the look on his face--the tears in his eyes. "Aric?" If he was here, where was Alexandria? He glanced around, as if half expecting to see his sister, but she was nowhere in sight. Gaze flickered back to Aric. "Are you alright?" Probably a stupid question, of course, with everything that he had gone through in just one single day…
[ARIC] Thinking about taking one of the horses out and just...going wherever the animal wanted to. He wouldn't care. But he was stopping short when he suddenly saw Orin. Well, fuck. The man probably won't want to hear that Aric just left his sister crying in his room. Running a hand down his face, trying to dry his own eyes full of tears, he was rubbing the back of his neck soon after, attempting to act like he was fine. Yet, when he tried to answer and lie that he was okay, he felt his walls crack further. "No," he said, shaking his head, letting those tear-filled eyes drift down to his boots. "No, I'm not. And she's not. And I don't know what the fuck I'm doing anymore."
[ORIN] He was expecting Aric to lie, perhaps... to act like he was fine when Orin knew that he couldn't be alright. After everything that happened, how could anyone be alright? So when Aric told the truth, admitting that he wasn't alright, he blinked in surprise. But when he mentioned Alexandria wasn't alright, he panicked. "What happened? Where is she?" He looked passed Aric, wondering if she wasn't ok, why Aric was out here. "Did something else happen?" He looked back at Aric with worry on his face. God, he couldn't take one more thing happening tonight. This day just needed to end. "Aric... Where is she?"
[ARIC] His good hand ran through his hair again, pulling at the strands, completely lost now. He left that room thinking he had a purpose...and he really didn't. Lack of sleep was definitely messing with him, because it always made everything so much worse. "She's in my room, she's alright." Well, that was kind of contradictory, wasn't it? Grimacing, realizing he probably wasn't making much sense, he turned to fall against the wall in defeat. "We had a fight," he admitted, his eyes stinging. "Why does she do this? Why does she keep pushing me away? She tells me she's afraid of losing anyone, of losing me...then casts me aside and wonders if I still want to be married?" He was rambling, and it barely made any sense to him, so it probably made no sense to Orin.
[ORIN] As Aric told him Alexandria was okay and in his room, he sighed in relief and watched as Aric fell against the wall. Brows furrowed in confusion, but he was admitting that he and Alexandria had a fight. And then he was asking him why she does what she does. Orin sighed and leaned against the wall next to Aric. "Because... It's a defense she puts up..." He scratched the back of his head. How could he begin to explain the complexity of the queen's mind? He had no idea. "I do not think she means to. Not on purpose. But she has seen a lot of death in her life... A lot of loss... That she has had to push aside, never giving herself a chance to fully recover or mend those feelings... So she puts up walls to try and prevent them from happening--but it only makes things worse and she doesn't understand or see that." He shrugged his shoulders and sighed again. "I'm assuming the king's death has her worried that she will lose the alliance.... and lose you?" He looked at Aric questioningly. "If that's the case, the walls go up...because she thinks that will prevent the hurt she will feel if it actually does happen how she fears..." He cleared his throat and looked at Aric, studying his face.
[ARIC] He really wished he could get all of these thoughts under control, because it was making everything worse. Aric really had to concentrate to hear Orin's response, really had to try and ignore everything else as he leaned his head back against the stone. And maybe he wasn't going completely insane, because the man seemed to see where his confusion was coming from. "I already told her she wouldn't lose either. I already told her- numerous times- that I am here. And still, she questioned whether I wanted this." Aric shut his eyes, suddenly aware of his throbbing hand again because he was too busy thinking about everything else before. "No matter what I do or say to her...I fail." He finally just let himself slide down the wall; his knees bent in front of him. "I already lost a wife...and now I'm afraid of losing another because she's too afraid to try, to push through this..." Those words trailed off into a question, like he wasn't sure how any of this made sense. But now the conversation was just going to go around in circles. "How do you prove you love someone when she hasn't believed it any other way?" Once he got talking, it seemed, he couldn't stop.
[ORIN] He shook his head and laughed slightly, but mostly out of exhaustion. "Aric..." He sighed. "You don't fail.... " He shook his head again. "Each time you assure her... You prove something, you're there for her...whatever it may be... You chip away at those walls she puts up... Tonight, was probably a set back, with everything that happened. She's devastated... And surely, running away from her probably isn't helping much either..." He slid down the wall and sat down next to Aric and laughed. "You are doing the same thing, though... Putting blinders on and not realizing that you have made progress with her...and that she does believe you love her. Did you not hear her vows to you at the wedding? She could have made up the most generic, love-less statement if she really wanted to push you away-- if she really didn't care. I see the way she looks at you. You must have done something right... "
[ARIC] Dark eyes narrowed when he heard Orin laugh, turning his attention back over to him. But it wasn't so much of an annoyance as it was curiosity now. They were both exhausted, and yet they were both awake. "I had to get out. I feel like I need to be doing something, fixing this...somehow..." Fingers rubbed at his eyes. "She couldn't sleep, I was...but I can't sleep if she can't sleep...I can't leave her there like that...then the fight happened..." How did things get so complicated? Funny thing was, he didn't consider everything else that happened today to be complicated...it was the fight. Strangely, he could handle everything else, but not this. When Orin joined him on the floor and laughed again, he actually shoved him a little. But it was enough to crack a smile on his face, albeit a very small one. "I don't know how I could have done anything right," he confessed. He ran a hand down his face again. "Save what's left of your sanity and don't get married." Oh, look, an attempt at a joke. Was his mind starting to clear a little bit...or was he just losing more of it, trying to joke at a time like this?
[ORIN] "You can't leave her there like that to sleep? But yet, you left her?" His voice sounded puzzled, trying to make sense of it all. "And I've already taken care of everything that can be taken care of right now...The rest has to wait until morning. So, I'm sorry to say, but there's nothing left for you to try to fix right now.... Except maybe your marriage?" He laughed again, nudging Aric. "You're being foolish if you think you haven't done anything right. And you're sounding a lot like her now...." He laughed again and rubbed his face, tiredly. "Oh, dear brother... I don't plan on marrying. Remember, I can't get a girl... I don't have your singing skills." Now Orin was trying to make jokes.
[ARIC] "I had a plan..." he admitted when Orin mentioned leaving. "I just...can't remember what it was." He was so sleep deprived now that one might think he was drunk. And being drunk may have been twenty times better right now. Maybe. "I don't even know what time it is..." The rest has to wait until morning. And he was dreading that. Arms upon his knees, he leaned forward to filter his fingers into his hair and rest his head within the palm of his hand. He was so exhausted, and he had no idea on how to fix any of this right now. But Orin managed to make him laugh- it was quiet and from deep within his chest, but a laugh nonetheless. "We should do that again some time."
[ORIN] He laughed out loudly at Aric's last comment, as if he were crazy. But then he stopped and spoke. "Absolutely, we do." He looked back at Aric and shook his head. "It's late... We should be sleeping because god knows what the hell tomorrow is going to bring..." He sighed, rubbing his face. "Go back to her.. And go to bed... It will all be here tomorrow.... Or later today, at this point?" He wasn't sure what time it was either, but he imagined it was close to midnight by now. Or just after it.
[ARIC] If Orin hadn't been there, he very well may have fallen asleep right against the wall. He'd slowly nod, though- everyone should be in bed, but he knew he would probably not be sleeping. "I doubt I'll sleep because she won't...but yeah," he commented tiredly. In truth, he wasn't looking forward to walking back into that room, but he couldn't stay out here all night. His good hand clapped Orin on the shoulder before he climbed up to his feet, offering him a hand. "Thank you," he told him with a look of gratitude.
[ORIN] He stood up with Aric's help and nodded. "Sure. Just... " He sighed. "You promised you wouldn't give up on her... So don't..." He squeezed his shoulder and forced a smile. "Goodnight, Aric..." He pushed Aric in the direction back to his room before he walked off to go back to his.
[ARIC]He didn't give up on her. And just because he was wandering the halls like a homeless person didn't mean he had. But again, good thing Orin was there, because he started to walk off in the wrong direction, only to be turned around. "Oh, right...that way," he murmured half amused. Still rubbing at his eyes, trying to push away as much sleep as he could, he lightly called out to his brother-in-law as he stumbled his way down the corridor, "Better work on that singing voice for next time!" The hallway to the royal rooms was quiet. He bypassed Cassandra's again and then Henry's, and couldn't even look at Alexandria's door. He wasn't even sure if or when he'd be able to set foot in there again. But then he finally came to his own room where he would nod to the guards stationed outside and quietly open the door.
[ALEXANDRIA] Aric had left the room, leaving her to her thoughts and sorry, alone. The candles had started burning low, making the room more dim. She had sat in that spot under the window, and cried, unsure of what to think or do at this point. Aric was right about some things, but wrong about a lot of other arguments he had made. And she wasn't sure how to explain any of it to him. She didn't know what to say to him to get him to understand...To believe her now. She had cried herself to sleep, seated on the floor still, with her knees up by her chest, and her head against the wall.
[ARIC] It was terribly quiet in that room, but he was quick to notice that she hadn't moved from that particular spot. And of course, she was asleep. The last thing he wanted to do was wake her, since she may not find rest again...but he couldn't just leave her there, either. Not really knowing what else to do, and the exhaustion wasn't helping, he made his way closer. Fearful of waking her and frightening her, Aric gingerly tried to scoop her up into his arms so that he could carry her over to that bed.
[ALEXANDRIA] She hadn't expected to fall asleep. But her head was pounding, her eyes stung and were puffy and red, and she dozed off despite all of her discomfort. She startled as he picked her up, waking slightly, in a confused and lost state, but she curled up against him, resting her head on his shoulder. "Aric?" She groggily questioned him, as if asking him what he was doing. She didn't know how long he had been gone, or where he had gone to, but he was back, and she wasn't entirely sure he would come back to her tonight, as he had made it sound that he had no intention of it, and that she would need to find him. But he was here and holding her in his arms and she didn't know why. This day had played with her emotions all too much and she wasn't sure what to think anymore. "Leave me alone. " she finally said to him, still half asleep but that anger still resided in her.
[ARIC] It was hard not to push unnecessary pressure on his wrapped hand, but he dealt with it as he carried her to the bed. "Sshh, it's me...just go back to sleep," he tried to soothe quietly. He didn't want her waking up, didn't want her suffering for the rest of the night. Placing her down, he kicked out of his boots and shrugged out of his jacket, letting them fall into a heap on the floor before climbing next to her. He was still cautious, still not wanting to frighten her, but she seemed to know it was him, telling him to leave her alone. He pulled a blanket over them as he drew her back to him and the now steady breathing of his chest. "I can't," he quietly told her, his words getting lost in her hair. "I cannot sleep without my wife beside me."
[ALEXANDRIA] All of her energy was gone and she couldn't fight anymore. She couldn't cry or argue or deal with one more thing tonight. So when he was pulling her against him, she didn't fight him. She buried her face into his chest, and as she heard his voice vibrate against her ear, she closed her eyes tightly, letting out a quiet and frustrated sigh. She didn't know what to think because he was saying this to her initially, and then leaving and now he was back and claiming he could not sleep without her. But she couldn't argue anymore, she didn't want to. So instead, she wrapped an arm around him and hugged him tightly, not letting go. "I need you here with me, Aric. I need my husband. And I'm sorry.... I'm sorry for everything."
[ARIC] The way she tried handling everything by herself all the time was going to kill her. It made him desperate to leave that room and somehow magically fix everything, despite it being exactly what she was doing, in a way. At least he had been willing to listen to Orin. The man was smarter than he looked. A soft sigh of relief when she wrapped her arm around him, and he pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "I'm sorry, too." Some of the things weren't even in either of their control and yet they had to worry about them, stress about them until it all blew up. "But no more of this tonight," he requested softly. They needed to sleep because the morning wasn't going to be any easier. The thought had his arms tightening around her a little more, as though it would keep all that stress at bay.
[ALEXANDRIA] It would take her a while to understand that she had help now. When she had gone so long without, it wouldn't be instantaneous for her to adapt and throw the burdens onto someone else's shoulders so easily.
She nodded her head in agreement. No more of this tonight. And he was pulling her closer to him, wrapping his arms around her tighter. "Don't let me go..." she whispered to him. Her tone insinuated that she didn't just mean in the physical sense right now, but for everything. She knew she pushed people away, and she couldn't help it. But she did not want to push him away..and she needed him to know that she did not mean to make him feel like she was trying to. "No matter what... please don't let me go..." She nuzzled her face against him and wrapped her arm tighter around him, wanting to steal all of his warmth because she was feeling so cold.
[ARIC] His throat felt tight again, but he was too tired to cry. He'd lean down to kiss the side of her face while she spoke, his arms keeping her close against him. "I know. I won't," he replied quietly, understanding her meaning. "I won't. I'm sorry." A slow, staggered in breath, he let it out just as slow while he comfortably settled back against the pillow, enveloping her in his warmth. "I love you." His words were barely audible against that ebony hair, and he found himself slowly drifting off to sleep.
[ALEXANDRIA] She shifted a bit to get comfortable against him, keeping her head down on his chest, using him for a pillow tonight, because she did not want to be anywhere else but in his arms and close to him. She felt his chest vibrate as he spoke and she pressed her fingers into his chest by his heart. "I love you," she responded quietly, but he was drifting off to sleep and she laid there silently, listening to his breath and the beating of his heart. She would not fall asleep right away, but remained in his arms, trying to focus on what was right there around her. Perhaps another half hour had gone by before Alexandria finally drifted off.
