Lost in Thought [log 11.17.19]

[Aric Demarais]

ARIC:
Night had fallen by the time they made it back to the castle. It took Cassandra several times to say that she was truly alright before Aric was convinced. At least convinced enough. He knew his cousin better than she probably thought, and also knew how well she could wear a mask. There was a tiredness in her eyes, though, and he left her in capable hands in hopes of getting some sleep himself. Yet sleep didn't seem to be within his reach.
His mind hadn’t stopped thinking ever since he left for Tresteria all those weeks ago. Now, back in Aralore, it still refused to rest. At least his wound felt a little better, even if still sore and softly throbbing. It didn’t help that he couldn’t even sit still. In hopes of getting his thoughts to calm, Aric left his quarters to walk the quiet halls towards the castle library. Books were filled with words, words he would have to concentrate on instead of every other worry that ceased to plague him. It was worth a try.

The door creaked as he made his way in, reaching for the nearest candle to wander aimlessly amongst the rows of shelves filled with tome after tome, from history to fables. Nothing, in particular, was catching his eyes...so his mind was drifting back to the situation looming over him. He knew what Orin thought, he knew what most of Aralore thought, even if he had tried to reverse it. Alexandria appeared accepting and so adamant on everything working out. Perhaps it was a false facade, but the last thing he desired was to prove her wrong, and he couldn’t shake that nagging feeling of something going terribly wrong. To be fair, it was how he always felt, it was where his head always went; it was as though the Prince was incapable of many positive thoughts. Maybe that was why he struggled to end this union before it truly got started because the Queen felt like the very epitome of positivity...even after all she and her country had gone through. It was amazing, really.
He didn’t want that to go away.


ALEXANDRIA:
Oftentimes, when Alexandria couldn’t sleep, she found her way into the library and allowed herself to become lost in a book. It quieted her thoughts; let her escape from reality for a bit, until she would eventually tire and get to sleep. Tonight was no different.
The events of the day replayed through her mind over and over. From how Aric reacted to hearing the news of Cassandra’s kidnapping, to the moment of her return. It had been a whirlwind of emotion. Far too many emotions for one day. She was restless tonight and needed the distraction to escape her worries. Of Orin, and if he were going to abandon her and run away again. Her worries of Cassandra, or her husband, running back to Tresteria and letting the king know of how Aralore allowed her to be kidnapped. And of Aric. He was trying to convince her he wasn’t a good man? He was unhappy, she could sense. And he wanted to protect her from himself, or something else? And he had a wife before? He was starting to tell her something, before they had been interrupted. Would he ever finish that story? Should she pry? So many questions and thoughts clouded her mind.

The library was barely used, it seemed. Everytime Alexandria found her way in there, it was eerily quiet and no one was ever in sight. This was the case tonight, when Alex moved into the large room, pulled a random book off one of the shelves, not even bothering to make a choice, and she curled into one of the oversized armchairs.

Maybe hours had gone by, or perhaps it was only minutes, but the sound of the door opening startled Alexandria awake. She had fallen asleep, book opened in her lap. She couldn’t even remember what she was reading or where she had left off.
She blinked the blurriness of sleep from her eyes and looked off into the distance to see Aric walk in. Her heart nearly leaped into her throat and she felt a twinge of nervousness wash over her. Why? She honestly didn’t know.. Maybe it was from the last time they were alone in the library together. Or the fact of how quiet it was and that they would be alone again. Would they pick up on their conversation from earlier, or would Aric just leave, not wishing to speak with her again for the rest of the day? She hoped he didn’t feel that way.
And now Alex felt at battle with herself. Greet him, or pretend to be busy reading the book in her lap? Would he see her there in the corner, even? Would he greet her, or pretend to not see her?
She must have looked silly in that moment, lips parted as if she were about to say something, but holding herself back. Fingers nervously playing with the pages of her book. Why did this need to be this difficult? Quickly, she looked back down at her book before he’d get the chance to notice her. But then she thought how silly would it be for someone to walk into a room and for her to not look up? Maybe he would assume she was trying to avoid him?
She lightly cleared her throat as if to get his attention so he would not suddenly be startled by the sight of her. She spoke out softly, nonchalantly. “You couldn’t sleep either?”


ARIC:
The Tresterian Prince didn’t know what to think or feel, and that was the problem. His attempt to speak with his brother had failed, and he couldn’t help but wonder and worry if everything would just escalate from here. Maybe Edward would surprise him; maybe there was nothing else underlying this union with his homeland and Aralore. Still...there was this nagging thought at the back of his mind. He couldn’t help it.
So lost in these thoughts and trying to find something to occupy him, he hadn’t noticed Alexandria in the far corner of the often quiet library. Even the fire had died to smoldering ashes because all servants who would attend it were asleep. There was no need for anyone to be within the library, all except for two restless souls, it would seem. So when the Queen spoke, it almost startled him and he felt foolish for having not noticed her to begin with. “Your Grace…” he said, hoping the surprise wasn’t so clearly evident in his tone. To her question, he chuckled, “Sleep? I’m not sure I know what that is anymore.” When overwhelmed with stress, Aric could become a bit of an insomniac, but even reading barely helped these days. Then, as if it dawned on him, he wondered what could be keeping her awake this night.

His brow furrowed as he moved to stoke the fire to life. She must be cold within this chilly, stone room. “Is...everything alright?” Aric was hesitant to ask. Rather amusing coming from a man who wasn’t so eager to share his own thoughts or concerns, but today had certainly been a trialing day. Perhaps the true question should have been to ask what was alright, since it seemed to be less than what was wrong thus far.


ALEXANDRIA:
She cracked a smile at Aric’s mention of not knowing what sleep was anymore, and gave a nod of her head in agreement. Alexandria could not remember the last time she got a good night of sleep, especially since the war and with all the work that was needed to restore Aralore and rebuild the kingdom.

She was appreciative of Aric working to bring back the fire. Of course, she could have done that herself, but she had fallen asleep and was ignoring the fact that she was uncomfortable and cold, and she could have easily just gone back to her room.

Is everything alright? Alexandria hadn’t been asked that question in quite some time, so she wasn’t exactly sure how to answer it in this moment. Honestly, or dismissively?
She started to nod her head as if about to say she was fine, but then a light shrug caused her shoulders to raise and fall. “I’m fine. I guess… I am just still feeling guilty for what happened to Cassandra… For keeping it from you... I hope you are not still angry or upset with me.”

It was all she could manage to admit at this moment in time. There was just too much to babble on about, and Alexandria didn’t want to overwhelm or bore him away.


ARIC:
Yes, maybe it was a stupid question to ask, considering the last time they were here and he tried consoling her, it almost ended badly. He was remembering that all of a sudden, and it caused him to take a step back from the fire and lean against the hearth rather uncomfortably. But he purposely kept that small distance between them, just remaining close enough to be heard.
Aric sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose and was, once more, recalling all that had happened this day. The worst of it had started the moment his ship went down and it escalated from there. However, he’d like to think it had gotten better, even if slightly. Or it was simply quiet for the time being.

“I’m not,” he answered tiredly, turning his attention back to her. “It was out of your control what happened to her. You can’t blame yourself for it.” Was he still upset about her keeping it from him? Perhaps, in a way, he was but not enough to hold it against her. After the shipwreck, after everything, she had made a decision and one he wasn’t so sure he’d have made differently were he in her place. “It’s just...been a very interesting day.” He tried to smile, but it barely reached his dark eyes. “I kept my visit with my brother from you, so...I suppose we’re even.” There it was. It was still faint, but the grin was a bit more honest. He was still angry about his conversation with Edward, hoping his failed attempt to get him to change his mind wouldn’t affect Aralore itself. “I meant you no disrespect with that, I hope you know.” Aric had explained it all earlier, but he felt it needed to be said. There was a lot more he could probably share, and yet, he was hesitating now.


ALEXANDRIA:
She sat up a little straighter as Aric spoke, and couldn’t help but to breathe out a short and quick laugh as he stated it had been an interesting day. “Oh, I suppose you could say that..” And her smile faded slightly at the mention of his visit with his brother. He had gone behind her back to try and change the arrangement, which, as Alex saw it, made her appear as if she were wanting to back out and sent Aric to do her begging.
A light sigh escaped her and she shook her head. “I know you didn’t...” There was a lot that Aric did not know about, and maybe it was time to fill him in a little bit. But where to start?

“My kingdom was once part of a large council, where the leader was very corrupt and greedy. He did not believe a woman should be running a country, so he kept forcing suitors my way, in plans to really have my kingdom overrun and throw me out of power... I did not agree, and we moved from the land to where this place is now, in hopes of escaping the council and starting over. My father had plans to do this long ago, but he and my mother were killed before they could escape…” She watched Aric’s face carefully as she told him the story. “But they found us, and brought on the war… A war we would not have won without the help of your brother and the other surrounding kingdoms. There was no reason for anyone to help us, but they did...And I cannot be thankful enough. I am in debt.. I have lost so much. I have nothing, anymore.” She shrugged her shoulders and briefly rubbed her face into her hands before looking back at him. “So if this is how I repay your brother, by uniting our families, then I will do as he asks… I am not getting younger. I am tired, Aric. I’m afraid I don’t have a lot of fight left in me. And this is why Orin acted the way that he did. We just won a war to avoid me from having to be caught in an arranged marriage and from losing power of my kingdom… Only to fall into a similar situation, that hopefully will not have the same end result…” She laughed slightly and shook her head. “My people must think I am so stupid…” Alexandria watched Aric for a moment before she continued on. “Maybe now, even you will think I am a foolish woman… But I…” She hesitated and shook her head again. “I don’t know. I don’t know what to do anymore. And part of me has hope that this will be different. That I hope you are a good man and are here to help. I see that spark inside of you, despite you telling me that you are not a good man…” She forced a smile and then sighed.


ARIC:
She believed him when he said he didn't intend any disrespect, but he was still bothered by it. Even with good intentions, a person could unintentionally do harm, he supposed. He would have to be more aware of that. For awhile now, Aric was so used to doing things his own way, not having to answer to another. Perhaps he still could, but if he and the queen were to be partners in this, then he needed to at least consult her. That was how trust was built.
Falling silent, he wondered if he should dismiss himself and leave her to her reading...but then she began to speak, began to explain her past and what had happened with Avalendor. Aric didn't know what he expected, but he hadn't expected that, that was for certain. "I'm sorry," he murmured at the mention of her parents, before his full attention was on her again once more. Although it was helping him better understand, it was not making him feel any better about it. Edward had graciously offered help...but at what cost? Was it horrible for him to think his own brother could have a devious ulterior motive? Was his annoyance with him rooted so deep that Aric couldn't help but feel there was something more to this?
Was Aric that horrible a person?
Right then, he couldn't find it within him to share these inner thoughts with her. Alexandria was already so worried about it, and he didn't wish to make it worse.

"I'm not a cruel man," he admitted, though he had no smile to offer in return. "I'd like to believe I'm honorable, at the very least." Holding back a sigh, he turned to lean against the hearth; dark eyes focused on the dancing flames. I just don't know how honorable my brother is… "I cannot speak for Edward-" he began, feeling foolish to say such a thing of his own brother. "But I can promise you this, Alexandria-" His attention finally shifted sidelong to acknowledge her there in the chair, a new kind of seriousness claiming his features. "As my wife, I can protect you. You, and in turn, Aralore, will be my priority. You will be my sovereign, not him. Not Tresteria." He was to remain here instead of Alexandria moving to Tresteria, which was probably for the best. Although she could appoint someone to be in charge here at home, it was best for the kingdom if she remained.
He finally sighed. "Your people will think what they will. All you can do is prove to them that you are not broken, that you will no longer bend under anyone's will but your own." An alliance didn't mean she was weak. If anything, it showed she was stronger, especially after what she has just recently endured. She was willing to do whatever it took to rebuild Aralore. "If I can do nothing else, I can at least make sure you do not fall." He had strong shoulders- he could carry the weight. "You will not fail."


ALEXANDRIA:
A wave of nervousness washed over her as Aric began to speak. She honestly did not know how he would react to what she was admitting. She could only imagine how she would feel if Aric was the one telling her that he was previously forced into arranged marriages, and now here she was one of them. She started to regret telling him.

He wasn’t a cruel man; Alexandria could sense that. He could honestly spend his days locked away in his chambers, miserably drinking and ordering around servants. But instead, he was out and about, helping to rebuild the land back up, without even being asked to. Alex nodded to him in agreement.

’As my wife, I can protect you. You, and in turn, Aralore, will be my priority. You will be my sovereign, not him. Not Tresteria.’
As his wife. These words seemed so strange to Alexandria. It hadn’t fully set in yet that Aric would be her husband. Her heart fluttered in her chest, causing her to lose her breath for a moment. She tried her best to hide her emotions, but her cheeks were beginning to flush with color.

As he continued on, Alexandria remained quiet, eyes focusing on him intently. How could she respond to him? He was being incredibly kind and sweet to her, and it was leaving her speechless. When he fell silent, Alexandria just stared at him, almost awkwardly, but there was a glimmer in her eyes that showed how appreciative she was of his words. Or maybe her eyes were welling up a bit.
She wanted to leap out of the chair and throw her arms around him, but she held herself back.
Finally, she gave Aric a slow nod. Her voice cracked slightly when she did speak. “... Thank you, Aric. That is very kind of you to say.” She hoped he meant his words. She wanted to believe him with all her heart, and part of her could feel that he was being truthful. It was so hard though, after all the deceit and trouble she had gone through in her life. Please let this be different. “I hope you are right..”


ARIC:
All she had to be was his wife in name. Nothing else. Even before getting to know her a little better, Aric never expected anything more than simply being in the presence of each other. Perhaps he wouldn’t outright admit it easily, but he was glad that wasn’t the case. They were able to hold a conversation (awkward or not), and a real, truthful one at that. If anything, there was a budding friendship there, and it made this all a lot easier. It was why he had this sudden drive to ensure she survived this. An alliance with his homeland or not, she was his priority now. She was his purpose in a life that God, for whatever reason, deemed it be difficult for him. There was a reason for anything, though, no?
Still, he had to look away from her again. Aric didn’t like how, looking at her in that chair, all he could remember was the night after the ball. The good, the bad...and the foolish parts of that evening. He had come to the library just like he had tonight, found her in that very same chair, only this time he refrained from moving closer. He realized that was something which was proving harder to do than it should. Why? It was like this invisible pull that was trying to draw him to her, to do whatever it took to make sure she understood how serious he was. That he meant every word.

When he heard her quiet voice, a single shoulder lifted in a light shrug. “It needed to be said. Even if I have to remind you every day to get you through this.” It sounded as though he didn’t mind it. He’d try to encourage her as much as he possibly could because Lord knows he wasn’t able to do the same for himself. “But-” he paused while ocher eyes studied the flickering fire once more. The barest of smiles creased his lips; a small chuckle deep within his chest as he continued, “I hope I’m right, too.” There was that faint attempt to lighten the mood but he wasn’t so sure it would work. Then the mirth drifted away to be replaced with a soft seriousness on his features. Aric still couldn’t look at her, especially not with what he was about to say. “I, uh...I’ve struggled to find meaning in anything since Maria…” He hadn’t uttered her name in awhile, and it would be the first time Alexandria would hear it. Failing to explain twice, he had to get it out now. “I didn’t just...lose her.” Shutting his eyes, he felt his throat tighten at the memory. “She fell ill after bringing our child- a daughter- into this world...and neither survived.” Isobelle, they had named her.

A fist clenched as he continued to lean there against the fireplace, allowing the flames’ warmth wash over him. “I had nothing left.” Not even Cassandra could talk him from the ledge he had placed himself on metaphorically. It was truly a wonder he hadn’t gotten himself killed. Moving on from this tragedy had been one of the most difficult things he’s ever had to endure, and he still wasn’t wholly okay with it. Better, but not completely, and perhaps he never would be. “I’ve had...no purpose in life until Aralore. Until you.” So, if that wasn’t enough to convince her that he meant everything he said, Aric wasn’t sure what would.

ALEXANDRIA:
Everyone had several purposes in life, she believed. It all depended on the time. Many people had come and gone in her life, and each one meant something to her, however big or small. She had many purposes throughout her life, although some of them she still did not fully understand the reason behind. It would have been so much easier to give up, or not care, but something kept her going. Hope, perhaps.
Aric was forced into her life, but she couldn’t help but feel there was a purpose in that too. They had both gone through their share of misfortunes, and the more they spoke to one another, the more Alexandria realized that they could truly relate. This conversation only proved that further.

Though when she noticed he would not look at her as he spoke, she couldn’t help but feel the big elephant in the room. The night after the ball, and how they nearly kissed. The memory replayed in her mind. What would have happened if they had?

She watched him as he spoke. A faint smile crept along the corners of her lips as he tried to lighten the mood. Though, he’d miss it, of course. And that smile was soon to fade as he began to explain the loss of his wife and daughter. Loss was something Alexandria knew so much about. Suddenly, she understood why Aric had been distant and hesitant with her and claiming she did not deserve someone like him.
As he spoke, Alexandria brought her hands to her mouth, breathing out an empathetic sigh. Although he did not look at her, she never dropped her eyes away from him. Lips parted to begin to say she was sorry for his loss, but Aric continued, admitting that he had no purpose until Aralore. And her.

Again, Alexandria felt that flushing sensation in her cheeks, and her breath escaped her. She did not know what to say then. In that moment, she felt she wanted to kiss him. How could you not kiss someone when they say something so sincere like that? But she was afraid with how he was distancing himself now, unable to look at her, that he did not wish for that to happen.

Her legs slowly fell off the chair and she found herself standing. A brief hesitation before Alexandria closed that gap between them and stood in front of him. Her fingers brushed against his chin, forcing him to finally look at her. Her face was serious and filled with compassion and understanding. If only Aric knew the half of what Alexandria had been through, he would see that she’d probably be the most understanding person to his feelings. And maybe that was clear enough to see in her eyes, but that was a story for another day.

Sapphire blue eyes stared into his for what may have seemed like forever before she finally spoke. “You’ve given me the strength I’ve needed to continue to fight… I want you to know that…” She honestly had thought of giving up so many times, and each time she had, Aric had been in the right place to pull her off that ledge. She reached for his hand and entwined her fingers with his, giving a light squeeze. “I am so sorry about Maria and your daughter…” She didn’t know what else to say about the matter, but she wanted him to know that she understood that pain all too well, and he wasn’t alone now. And to show him that, she lightly embraced him, resting her head down against his chest. The elephant needed to leave now. He was to be her husband, and the awkwardness needed to end. Even friends could embrace one another.


ARIC:
If he had caught her eye, if he had seen the way those pale cheeks flushed, there was no way of knowing how he would have reacted. He himself didn’t know; it was why he kept his attention on the fire. There was still that horrible conflict of somehow feeling as though he were tarnishing his late wife’s memory by simply being here, by simply finding some sort of contentment in those sapphire eyes that held as much pain, if not more, as him. Many would tell him it was not wrong, but those “many” were those like his brother who wanted to see this alliance to succeed. How could he believe any of them?
She’d come to find one of the other reasons why he couldn’t look at her was because those dark eyes gently glistened with unshed tears. He was too full of pride to cry, but he’d also exhausted his tears for this loss forever ago, although the numbing pain never subsided. It was like this hole in his heart that painfully remained empty and he wasn’t willing to fill it with anything else, even if he wasn’t replacing their memory. It still hurt. It still felt wrong to think it could yet also felt wrong not to try.

Aric caught her movement in his peripheral and realized he stopped breathing when those slender fingers urged his attention over to her. Now, even as the silence lingered, he wasn’t able to look away. She had captivated him in that very moment with those eyes so full of sorrow and understanding. He knew of her loss and now she knew of his. Now they could understand each other better. The loss of his family was no excuse for his behavior at times, and he was struggling to work on it, but at least she would know that his anger was never directed at her...just at the cruel world that shrouded them.
Aric never believed he deserved much, but he knew he’d done nothing wrong in his life to warrant such pain, for both his wife and child to be taken from this world. They had been innocent. And Alexandria, for as short of a time as he’s known her, didn’t deserve a quarter of the crap cards she was dealt. Still, she endured, and magnificently so. Although she struggled and still suffered, she was a breath of fresh air...because, through all of this, she kept her chin held high, and he couldn’t help but admire her for it. She may not have realized it, but she was slowly pulling him up out of the fog that constantly followed him.

The smallest of smiles curled up a corner of his mouth, managing to finally reach his eyes even if it wasn’t beaming. Even after giving up and attempting to screw up everything else in his life, it was nice to know he was finally making a difference here. Even if it was just for her and not the entire kingdom as a whole.
Gaze dropped down to their hands as she filtered fingers through his own, before surprising him further with that gentle embrace. There was hesitation on his part, but after a few seconds, Alexandria would feel the staggered breath of relief leave from his chest as his free arm moved to encircle her. His cheek rested atop her head and allowed himself this one moment to feel comforted. If nothing else, there was an honest kinship here...something that both of them seemed to need in their lives. Together, they would get through this. Aralore would make it. It was his sudden vow to her because, ultimately, Aric had grown fond of this land in ruin. “Thank you,” he murmured his reply into that dark hair. For understanding, for giving him this chance, for giving him a reason to do more with his life, for simply being the surprisingly admirable woman that she was. “Perhaps we’ll both survive this world yet.”


ALEXANDRIA:
In that very moment, everything seemed to quietly melt away. However brief it would be, she felt safe, warm and at peace within his arms. It was this very feeling that made her believe he meant no harm to her.
She focused on the rise and fall of his chest, the sound of his heart beating, the feel of his hand in hers, and his breath on the top of her head. Part of her didn’t want to ever let go again. She missed this-- She missed Thais and suddenly realized she hadn’t even been granted the time to fully mourn the loss of him. There was too much that needed to be done, and there wasn’t a lot of time for her to lock herself away and cry. She too, felt that maybe all of this was wrong. There shouldn’t be this connection between Aric and her, because it was disrespecting her loss. But they were just friends, right? Though, she too, felt Aric was pulling her out of her own fog.

A hint of a laugh escaped Alexandria’s lips, and she slowly pulled away and looked at him, not yet letting go of his hand. “Do you really think so?” Her eyes questioned him, as it was somewhat a random statement from him. What would make him feel or think that they would survive this world, especially with all the hardships that had been thrown their way. She gave his hand a gentle squeeze and whispered. “I really hope so.”


ARIC:
Although that strange tension remained, it was also different than the last time he had held her close. He couldn’t deny the lull or pull towards her, but after the confessions, it was that comfort he clung to. Something it seemed she also desperately needed. This was okay. There was nothing wrong with this, with needing the consolement from another. If he was ever going to survive this, he had to let himself open up, even if a little, to someone else. And there Alexandria was, patiently waiting there with open arms and heartening words. If he could do half of what she’d already done for him, he would have felt like he succeeded in something.
Drawn from the silent calm when she finally pulled away, his eyes were opening once more to look down at her with a little less shame than before. He could look into those bright blues and not feel strange. At least, not completely. There was another little shrug. “We’ve come this far, haven’t we?” he said in return. “We all have.” Her people were fighting for this land as much as she was, and it was surprising and admirable. Alexandria had truly done something right in her short time as ruler. “Perhaps you shouldn’t deprive yourself of sleep, though...” Aric hinted, suggesting she should probably head to bed instead of falling asleep in that chair again. He knew he should also probably be taking his own advice, but he felt it was more important for her to rest. A tired mind couldn’t think clearly.


ALEXANDRIA:
She gave Aric a slight nod of her head in response. Yes, they had come a long way, and have gotten this far, for sure. It’s honestly what kept Alexandria going. If she did not, then all of it had been for nothing. Those who died would have died for nothing. And she couldn’t live with that.

She finally released his hand and took a small step back, eyes never parting from him though. A smile brushed over her lips at his mention of not depriving her of sleep. “Perhaps not… But…” She paused for a moment and shrugged her shoulders. “I sometimes have horrible nightmares…” She didn’t know why she was telling him this now. Maybe to explain to him why she wasn’t already sleeping. Why sometimes she avoided going to sleep all together for fear of the horrid images that would play out in her mind For things she would relive that she wished she could remove from her memory.

Alexandria hesitated for a moment, nervous that he might get the wrong impression, or she was being too direct with her next question. “Will you walk me to my room? Maybe stay with me until I fall asleep?”


ARIC:
It was difficult to hide the concern that suddenly painted his features at the mention of nightmares. Certainly the war had been hard, but to induce such terror to keep her from sleeping? Had something else happened? Dark eyes blinked as it appeared as though he was about to say something before she was asking him to escort her to her chambers. And then was asking something else.
Fortunately for her, Aric’s mind wasn’t drifting to where most men would. At least not for very long. It was strange, really, but it was the fact that something bothered her enough to keep her awake at night stayed any unclean thoughts. Still, she’d probably catch the brief second of confusion as it flickered in his eyes, and how unsure he still was. Arranged to be wed or not, it was still an unusual request on her part, maybe bordering on improper. But, he would not deny her it, especially if it would ease her stress and worry.

“Of course,” he finally said, after a long moment of possibly staring at her. With an arm, he gestured towards the library door where he would follow her out. Perhaps he was wrong, but he couldn’t help but feel like there was more to this, that there was something plaguing her that she had not shared yet. It wasn’t his place to pry, so he wouldn’t ask.


ALEXANDRIA:
Sapphire colored eyes watched Aric’s features in response to her questions. Perhaps it was improper for her to ask these things of him, but she honestly wasn’t thinking. She just needed a friend and here Aric was. But then she wondered if he had other plans for his night, and that was why he had come to the library. She searched his features again, wondering if he was just being nice, or if he would decide against going with her now.

She turned towards the library door and opened it, quietly stepping out without another word. She remained quiet as she walked down the dimly lit hallway, up some stairs and through another hallway until she came to her door. Her slender fingers pressed against the door before she pushed it open and held it for Aric.

Her room was warm and cozy, the fireplace had been lit with a fire, but appeared to be dying down, indicating that she had been gone from her room for quite a while. Despite being a queen, there were not a lot of intricate or luxurious items in her room. Rather, it was simply decorated and perfectly encompassed Alexandria’s personality.

She motioned to a small table where there were chairs, for him to sit if he’d like. On the table, a small tea set had been placed. She poured some into a cup before looking at him in a questioning manner. “Would you like some tea? Or something stronger?” A light smile touched her lips and she slowly sunk down into one of the chairs, tiredly. She wasn’t sure if she would be able to sleep, honestly, and maybe this was a bad idea having him here with her.


ARIC:
Basically engaged to be wed or not, Aric couldn’t help but worry about any eyes that may have been watching. To see him follow the Queen into her chambers, for the door to close, it could certainly spark rumors neither of them needed at the moment. Still, she had asked...and it wasn’t as though he would be able to find rest so soon after anyway. Dark eyes swept across the luxurious, yet somehow still simple, furnished bedroom before moving to take the seat she had indicated. He probably looked a little uneasy, because he definitely felt uneasy because this felt almost strange or wrong, and it was nothing but simple conversation.
Her question, however, finally garnered a slight grin. Something stronger would be ideal, but he probably shouldn’t. He probably shouldn’t let his mind get too jumbled or to drink something that may never let him sleep. A gentle shake of his head and waving gesture of his head, “No, I’m fine. Thank you.” Yet, she wasn’t okay. Clearly she wasn’t...because he was here with her now.

Aric fell silent for a moment, not sure if he should speak up, not sure if it was his place. Still, in a sense, perhaps it was and she needed the nudge. Looking to her with a light furrow of his brow, he let out a long, slow breath. “What...are these nightmares that keep you from sleep?” They had to be bad enough for her to seek solace in books or for company, improper or not.


ALEXANDRIA:
She sat quietly, stirring the tea in her cup, her eyes remained downward. Yes, maybe this was a bad idea because now Alexandria felt awkward. She didn’t know what to say or what type of conversation to start up. And so there was that awkward silence for a moment until Aric inquired about her nightmares. She finally lifted her eyes to meet his, and she hesitated before speaking. “Oh… I …” She hesitated again before she let out a slow breath. Her nightmares were a topic that would bring up her long and dark past, and she wasn’t sure if Aric would want to hear any of it, or if she should tell any of it. But then again, he had been honest with her about his wife and if they were to be married, then Aric would need to know some things about her.

“They are mostly of my past and the difficult things I have had to deal with. They replay in my head, either exactly as it had happened, or with different scenarios, giving me a chance to change the outcome, but it never works out.” She had lost count the number of times she had woken up screaming or crying. “Or I have nightmares of all the things I worry about now, and them coming true…” She frowned and shrugged her shoulders, her eyes studied Aric’s features, wondering if he would question her further. “So I guess some nights, I just try to avoid it…”


ARIC:
Was it too forward of him to ask about the nightmares? At first, he didn’t think so, considering she had brought the topic of conversation up on her own and requested his company until she was able to sleep...but the moment the question left his tongue, he wished he could take the words back. Despite everything, he still didn’t feel right asking. Didn’t feel like it was his place yet to ask such personal things even after he shared his own troubles and sorrow.
He saw how she hesitated to answer, and lips parted to disregard everything until she began to speak. Still, she was hesitating briefly before being a bit vague about it. Aric understood the reluctance to be straight-forward, nor was he bothered by the fact that she was holding back. Alexandria hadn’t flat out asked him about his past...he had shared that on his own, without being coerced.

Whatever had happened to her had been bad. He only knew this because nothing good or moderately unpleasant would keep someone awake at night like this. Perhaps it had been something too unbearable, thus too hard to share with someone who, in some ways, could still be considered a stranger.
Aric leaned forward a little, looking her squarely in the eyes with a calm and even expression. “With the here and now, with the future-” he began. “That, I can help with...so do not be afraid to share your burden. But whatever happened before…” There was that hesitation again, but he would leave the door open a little bit, offering the opportunity for her to share, or even at a later date. “If you ever need someone to speak to, I’m here. I may not be...a man of many words, but I’m a good listener.” There was a small smile, attempting to lighten the mood, even a little bit.


ALEXANDRIA:
Her eyes were cast downward until Aric leaned forward and spoke, causing her to lift them to meet his gaze. Alexandria focused on the softness in his eyes, and for a moment, she caught herself studying, admiring his features. He really was a handsome man, especially when he spoke to her like this. She reached across the table and placed her hand on top of his, closing her fingers around his and squeezing gently. A light smile brushed along her lips before she spoke. “Thank you, Aric… I don’t doubt that you are a good listener.” She squeezed his hand again before letting go and sitting back in her seat.

A sigh escaped her before she spoke again. “There’s just so much to tell… We would be here all night if I were to tell you everything.” She let out a nervous laugh and shook her head. “And I’m not sure if you would want to hear it all, anyway.” She waved her hand dismissively and shrugged her shoulders.

“Honestly, sometimes I feel like I am cursed with bad luck… Maybe you shouldn’t marry me, or get too close to me.” Although, with what Aric had told her, maybe he did not have the best luck either. She laughed quietly. “Or maybe both our bad luck will cancel it out and bring us better luck?”

Alexandria stood and began pacing slightly. “I guess there is one thing you should know about me and my past…And maybe it will definitely change your mind to marry me...” She hesitated briefly before speaking slowly, unable to look at him. “Before I was queen, before I knew I was a queen, which is another story… I was on my own for a while, and was captured, enslaved, abused… raped… A lot of unimaginable things happened to me. And I was pregnant at only fifteen years old… The man who did that to me was angry it had happened, so he took matters into his own hands and he…” She paused, a look of pain displayed across her face and she took a deep breath and continued. “Destroyed the unborn baby… Nearly killing me in the process… I…” She struggled for a moment before she finally turned to look at him. “I do not think I will ever be able to get pregnant again…” Her head hung in shame and she fell quiet, not wanting to look at him then.


ARIC:
His brow furrowed at her light dismissal. If he didn't want to hear about what plagued her, he wouldn't be there now. He wouldn't have offered to listen to her. Aric wasn't the type to coddle another just for the sake of it, or from sympathy if it wasn't truly warranted. He had grown to not waste his time that way unless he really meant it. Like he did now.
He was still quiet as Alexandria spoke of bad luck, attempting to lighten the mood with her gentle laugh. His eyes squinted a little in vague amusement, but he did not laugh in return. The truth of it hurt too much to pretend, and they both knew just how true it really was. It was when she got up to pace and what she said next that suddenly bothered him. Worried him, even. Aric moved as though to follow her, but he decided against it, allowing her to explain first.

Dark eyes remained upon her intently, watching how her posture slackened just a little, how her lovely face contorted momentarily into pain, horror flashing within her eyes at the memory. He hadn't known. He wondered if many others even knew of what had befallen their queen all those years ago, before she was their sovereign. Orin’s overprotective nature made a little more sense now.
Aric didn't know what he expected to hear, but it hadn't been that, and his body was finally moving before his mind could even register it.

Although long strides had carried him around to her swiftly, his approach was slow, hesitant perhaps. Hands were gentle when they took her by the shoulders, ensuring that she faced him and looked him in the eye. Alexandria carried a shame that should not exist, should not be resting upon her shoulders. The horrors she endured...she had not asked for them. She had not deserved them.
"It changes nothing," he found himself saying when he was able to find his voice. In all honesty, starting a family wasn't something that had been on his mind, betrothed or not. This had always just been a business deal and that was that. Nothing else was to happen. The best he could ask for was someone he could at least get along with. Despite this, even if the thought had crossed his mind, the shame she seemed to feel wouldn't have changed his mind anyway. He watched her, desperate to say something, anything to ease this burden, but he was at a complete loss for words. How did one comfort someone who had gone through that?

“None of this defines you,” he found himself saying. Aric hadn’t the slightest clue as to what he was about to say, but just allowed his mouth to form the words. “You’ve already overcome so much despite it. There’s light...even in the darkest of days.” One of his hands lifted from her shoulder to gently rest against her cheek. “Cling to it, and let these horrors go. You’re too strong to allow them to drag you down.” Easier said than done, he knew. He dealt with his own lingering darkness and didn’t always heed his own words.


ALEXANDRIA:
That pain she had endured so many years ago, she could nearly feel it in the pit of her stomach as she spoke of it. How she had survived such a horrific thing, she would never know. But someone had saved her and cared for her until she was strong enough to get back on her feet. Though Alexandria would always have the gruesome scar on her abdomen to forever haunt her.

Not even Orin knew about all that had happened to her. If she had told him, he probably would have gone crazy with rage. He already held so much guilt for losing her and for what he did know about. She didn’t want him to feel worse than he should, because she didn’t believe it was his fault. He didn’t need that kind of guilt or rage locked away in himself. He had his own demons and didn’t need hers too.

Anyone else who knew what had happened to her, were dead now. It was not something she spoke of to anyone really. So it surprised her that she was openly sharing this with Aric right now. But if he were to be her husband, she supposed that he had the right to know things about her. How awkward would it have been if after marriage, he’d see her scars, ask about them… And what if he did care that she could not give him children? What then? Maybe it was best to get it out in the open now. Of course any of the suitors that Lord Aramis threw at her would have minded.

That was the mindset that made her avoid looking at Aric now. She was scared of whatever look he had on his face as she told him her story. Would he think less of her?
It wasn’t until she felt his hands on her shoulders that she instinctively looked at him. But his face did not show as she feared--instead, it was painted with compassion.

Now with him right in front of her, she was afraid to look away. She watched his eyes as he spoke to her. It had taken her a while to believe that this did not define her. Though, in a way, it kind of did. It made her a stronger person. It made her see that no matter how dark things could get, there was always a way out of it. So for Aric to confirm that, made her smile ever so slightly. But when his hand touched her face, she felt her cheeks begin to burn just a little. There was something in the way he touched her then… The way he was looking at her...that made her feel at peace, but also made her stomach do somersaults. Her lips parted to say something, but no sound came out. She didn’t know what to say, and just as Aric’s voice had spoke for him involuntary, so did hers in that moment. “Thank you... I… I appreciate that.” She paused for a moment, her mind spinning suddenly, and she could only mutter out a whisper. “Please don’t repeat any of this to anyone.. No one really knows… Because you’re right… It shouldn’t define me or who I am...” She reached her hand up and grabbed his into her own, giving it a light squeeze. “Thank you for understanding…And for your kindness.”

She watched his face, nearly studying his features and the way he looked at her now. She should let his hand go and step away, but in that moment, she felt the warmth radiating off his body and it drew her closer, almost involuntarily. She rested her head on his chest and wrapped her arms around his waist, embracing him, fingers pressing into his back. Was it strange that she felt closer to him now, after telling him this? Or maybe she just wanted to comfort him and his loss, or perhaps, more than anything she needed his comfort. Since the war, Alexandria had felt so lonely. So lost. And this relationship with Aric, and their growing friendship, came at the perfect time.


ARIC:
It felt almost...wrong to touch her skin. Like he might marr the softness with his calloused fingers; that roughness caused by wielding a blade for so many years. His hand had shaken, almost as though he were afraid she might shatter, but he knew better than to think she was some fragile thing. She was far stronger than she looked, and perhaps even willfully stronger than he was.
Dark eyes blinked out of his temporary trance when she removed his hand, offering a gentle squeeze. “I’d never tell anyone,” he promised quietly. No one else deserved to know. A part of him felt like he didn’t even deserve to know...but he was thankful for her honesty. As much as he wished he could suddenly remove that darkness that lingered over her head, it made him realize that he wasn’t the only one shouldering a dark burden. It made him feel less alone in this world. Now, he just had to allow himself to accept it.

Everything felt like it moved in slow motion when she leaned in. She’d feel the rapid beating of his heart against his chest, the way he held his breath for only a moment before hesitating arms followed her example and returned the embrace. In many ways, they still barely knew each other...but in this very moment, he felt like he had known her for years already. It was such a simple thought and feeling, and he clung to it. Aric didn’t know what it was, but there was a level of comfort he hadn’t felt in quite a long time, and he didn’t want it to go.
Those arms tightened around her a little more before he was subconsciously resting his chin atop her head. “It seems that the understanding goes both ways…” he commented, tapering off to allow that silence to once again linger for a moment.

“I admit-” he continued, pausing for only a second to wonder if he had already confessed this. Even if he had, it warranted repeating. “I did not want this, any of it. But you...you’ve surprised me, Alexandria. Aralore has surprised me.” But it was mostly her. Just when he couldn’t understand how she could remain standing, she managed to stand up even straighter every time he saw her. There was a strength in her spine and a weight on her shoulders many did not see, and perhaps the whole world should. This queen should not be underestimated. “You’re proof that no one’s path is set...that there is indeed light at the end of this very dark tunnel.” A tunnel he hasn’t been able to find his way out of yet. Perhaps there was hope.
“Thank you, my lady,” he murmured. Without even realizing it, he had placed the gentlest of kisses to her brow.


ALEXANDRIA:
Aric had admitted to her once before that he did not want part of this arranged marriage or Aralore. Yet he stuck around and he made a presence to her and the kingdom, when he could have easily hid in his chambers and kept to himself. If the roles were reversed, Alexandria certainly would have stayed isolated. It made her wonder why he hadn’t. What did he feel about everything now? She wanted to ask him, but feared that if she moved it would break their embrace. An embrace that left her feeling disoriented. The way his hands felt on her back, how close he was to her, the sound of his heart thumping in his chest--how hers was too...how warm she felt in his arms… Was she holding her breath? Was she beginning to have feelings for this man? So soon? They barely knew one another, but for some reason, Alexandria, too, felt that she knew him for so much longer.

The thoughts that ran through her mind nearly muffled his voice when he spoke, taking her a moment to register what he said. And before she could ask him to repeat what he said, that kiss was placed to her brow, sending a fluttering feeling in her stomach and chest. Her fingers lightly pressed into his back briefly before she hesitantly released the embrace only enough to look at him. Her eyes searched his briefly and she parted her lips to speak. Her voice cracked nervously and she had to clear her throat before words would escape her. “Thank you? For what?”
His face was so close to hers...and in that moment, she realized the true color of his eyes--something she hadn’t paid such close attention to yet. Then she could only utter a whisper, her eyes remaining locked on his. “There’s always a light at the end of the tunnel… I hope I can be yours…”
Was it wrong that she wanted to kiss him then? The way he looked at her, it nearly pulled her to him like a moth to a flame. For a moment, she resisted— scared of his reaction if she did kiss him and he wasn’t ready for that. Would he think of her as too forward, then?
Almost without control, Alexandria placed her hand on Aric’s cheek, her thumb pad brushing against his skin. Those sapphire eyes remained focused on his and slowly she leaned in closer, her lips inches from his, and another whispered, breathless voice escaped her. “You have surprised me too… And I… can’t figure out why..” Her voice trailed off, unsure of how to finish her sentence. She just leaned forward and ever so slightly brushed a kiss along his cheek where her hand had been. Though she lingered there as if she would move to his lips, but was hesitating.

A loud noise came crashing through the atmosphere then. Or it seemed a lot louder than it was, as there was a knock at the door. Alexandria blinked out of the near trance she was in. Reality got in between them, and she turned her gaze to the door, her hand still remained on Aric’s shoulder. There was a look of utter confusion on her face, as if she were wondering who could be there at this time of the night, and what was so important that could not wait until morning?

She reluctantly took a step away from Aric and called out. “Come in…”

The door swung open and one of the guards stepped in. He stopped suddenly when he saw Aric there, a questioning glance upon his face then, as if wondering if he had interrupted something. He cleared his throat before speaking. “My apologies, my Queen...I would have waited until morning to give this to you, but the messenger said it was urgent.” He stepped forward and handed Alexandria a sealed notice.

Alexandria took the notice, with a puzzled look on her features. Eyes searched Aric briefly before she turned to the guard and dismissed him. He quickly left, shutting the door behind him.

Fingers lightly pulled the wax seal open and she unfolded the letter. Eyes moved along the words written upon the page and suddenly a display of confusion etched upon her features. Once she finished, she looked up at Aric with a puzzled look. “Did you know anything about this?” She handed him the letter to read for himself— A letter from his brother, requesting them to hold a small banquet for him and his wife and whomever else King Edward decided to invite. He wanted to see the progress of Aralore and how everything was faring and it needed to be done as soon as possible.


ARIC:
They were too close. Close enough so that he could smell the scent of her hair, feel the gentle heat radiating off of her skin. It was doing things to him that it shouldn’t have, he knew, but she wasn’t stepping away, either...
So, he should have. After what she had just shared in confidence, Aric should not be allowing any sort of impure thoughts into his head. Thoughts that went deeper than mere carnal emotions...and that was perhaps what bothered him the most. They were thoughts and feelings he couldn’t understand how they were even possible, and his own actions were betraying him.

When she inquired about what he thanked her for, his lips parted to explain without letting his already-confused mind properly think of a response that didn’t dig him a deeper grave. “For giving me something to live for…” he said, his voice low and gravelly.
He already felt wrong for daring to hold her like this, but the queen didn’t seem very bothered by it. In fact, those dark eyes were watching blues inch ever so closer, causing his very breath to catch in his throat. There was a subtle brazenness to her all of a sudden that left him speechless and curious, and Aric was completely forgetting everything else when she rested her hand against his face tenderly.
Alexandria pressed a kiss against his stubbled cheek. He didn’t realize how his arms tightened around her just a little bit more, bringing her even closer. Or that one of his hands traveled up the spans of her back, ready to curl fingers into the dark curls at the nape of her neck. Heavy lidded eyes never wavered from her own while this unseen force tilted his face towards hers, lips desperately wanting to seek her own…
When the knock startled them both.
He was instantly snapping out of his trance, surprised that someone would be knocking upon the queen’s door at such an hour. When she took a step away and ordered the person to come in, he took an extra step away as propriety hit him like a large stone to the head.

Aric watched as Alexandria’s eyes scanned the letter, and there was something familiar about the cursive. “Know about what?” he asked when she handed the message over. It was Edward. He should have known.
He sighed, folding the letter annoyingly in his hand when he finished reading it. “No, of course I didn’t. But he’s the type of man who will invite himself whenever and wherever he deems fit.” His mood quickly changed, thanks to his brother.
Yet, was that really a bad thing?
Aric couldn’t be sure what nearly transpired between him and the queen, but he was almost afraid to look at her now. Not because he was embarrassed, but because he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to contain...whatever it was. Pinching the bridge of his nose as though that would alleviate all of this stress, he spoke, “I’m sure it’s nothing to worry about. Cassandra might even be willing to help you plan if you need it.” His cousin loved these sorts of things.
And now it was back to business, it seemed.


ALEXANDRIA:
The warmth that Alexandria was feeling, while in Aric’s arms, suddenly drained from her, leaving her feeling frozen. Her fingers were shaking and she actually shivered, causing her to pull her shawl tighter around her shoulders, wrapping her arms around herself.
The fire had begun to die down a bit, which had gone unnoticed in the heat of their embrace.

I’m sure it’s nothing to worry about. It was everything to worry about, Alexandria thought to herself, and that look of panic was easily displayed upon her features. She took the letter back from Aric and unfolded and reread the words etched on the parchment. Maybe if she read it several times, it would say something else. But it did not, and that sense of dread nearly strangled her. She wanted to cry then. What was she going to do? They weren’t ready for such affairs. She looked back at Aric, then, and shook her head. “I… I don’t know if I can…” She paused, hesitating, unsure of what she wanted to say. Unsure if she wanted Aric to try to console her as it might lead to another moment like before the interruption.
“I can’t…” She couldn’t what? She couldn’t get her words out— funny for a woman who had endured so much already, and she was suddenly feeling so defeated. Instead of finishing her sentence, she just brought her hands up to cover her face, choking back her tears. She turned away from him quickly and crouched down in front of the fireplace, suddenly deciding to distract herself in getting the fire back to life.

Her display might have looked like something out of character for such a strong woman. But in all honesty, Alexandria was tired. She was tired of fighting. Tired of trying to be so strong all the time. And just as things seemed to be heading in the right direction, now this… Now a chance that everything could go wrong and change everything right in front of her eyes. She just wasn’t sure she could fight any harder than she already has.


ARIC:
There was absolutely no way he could explain what had nearly transpired between them. It simply did. It simply...was, whatever it was. And what left him almost breathless still was that she had instigated it this time. It was there, that connection, that electricity just drawing him closer until they were, once again, interrupted by a servant of the castle. This was already becoming a habit, and he didn’t know whether to be worried or laugh at how unfortunate it was.
He remained silent as Alexandria read Edward’s words over and over again, like she was searching for something, as if it would make this entire situation just go away. There was little he could do or say, except to watch her in the sudden quiet. She didn’t have to speak for him to understand that she was beginning to overly worry about this...and maybe she was right to. Still, he couldn’t help but feel like this was Edward just further inflating his ego, to prove that he could call upon a kingdom that was currently under his boot.
Aric clenched his jaw before the queen garnered his complete attention again. “Yes, you can,” he reiterated gently. But it wasn’t enough to calm her nerves, it seemed.
I can’t… she said, and that seemed to bring him up short, because, for the life of him, Aric wasn’t really sure what she meant by that. Was she still fretting over Edward’s arrival...or something else? His back straightened immediately then as he took a single step backwards away from her. It was hard to see her so distraught and not make some sort of attempt at comforting her. Yet, after everything, he wasn’t sure that was a good idea.

He was going to assume she was only speaking of his brother’s arrival, deciding that ignoring everything else for the time being was the best thing for both of them. “This is just a dinner, Alexandria. And you will not be alone there. My brother is simply curious about the progress of Aralore, that is all. I promise.” Was that true? In all honesty, Aric wasn’t sure what to believe, but it was what Alex had to hear right now.
Attention flickered towards the door of her chambers, torn between dismissing himself and not wanting to leave her alone in this distressed state. “It is nothing you should be worrying about right now. You should get some rest, pick this up in the morning.”


ALEXANDRIA:
Aric’s voice sounded so far away to her, like he was at the end of one tunnel, and she at the other. The thoughts in her mind were much louder, and it almost seemed like Alexandria wasn’t listening to him as she continued to fuss with the fire, crouched down in front of it.
To anyone else, it may just be a dinner. But to her, it could mean the end of her Kingdom. Perhaps she was over worrying, but how could she not?

’You should get some rest, pick this up in the morning.’ The suggestion made Alexandria shake her head and she slowly stood up and looked at him finally. “I could not sleep before this…” She held up the letter. “What makes you think I could sleep now?” She let out a defeated laugh and sunk back into her chair where her now cold tea was. There was a slight annoyance in her tone. Why did it seem whenever she let her guard down; whenever she allowed herself to feel careless and free, something happened to knock it all down. Was it simply that she was not allowed to be happy? It nearly felt that way.
It was getting late and she had already kept Aric for a while. He was probably growing tired and wanted to get to bed himself. Though, he had agreed to stay with her until she fell asleep. But she just didn’t see that happening tonight. She sighed quietly and spoke in a near whisper. “You should go…” She gave him that pass to dismiss himself rather than stay to console her. And even if he were to protest against leaving, Alexandria spoke again. “Good night, Aric. Thank you for talking with me tonight…”


ARIC:
And just like that, the mood entirely changed. Again.

Aric was blinking his confusion away, letting the queen kneel and stoke her dying fire. He knew she was upset and worried, and her new tone made him a little wary to try and say something at first. Despite his words, though, he knew why she was frantic over this news, but overly stressing never helped a situation either.
And, were he to be honest, he wished that damn messenger had waited until morning. Would he really have awoken the queen for that if she had been asleep? There was little she could do about it tonight anyway. Then again, if the guard hadn’t, Aric didn’t know what else may have happened…and he still wasn’t sure how to feel about it.

Regardless, he wanted to go to her then, he wanted to kneel down in front of her and take her hand, but the prince couldn’t bring himself to budge. The air was thick with tension, moreso over this business with Tresteria, and he wasn’t sure how to push through it.
“You need to try and rest,” he repeated as calmly as he could, still standing where she had left him. “You’ll be no good at handling anything if you’re exhausted with a mind full of fog.” Sort of how he felt right now, except for an entirely different reason.

Perhaps he had said something wrong, or had done something wrong, but he was mildly taken aback by her dismissal. Lips had parted to speak, to utter something, to say anything, and she silenced him by bidding him goodnight.
Aric’s face sobered instantly as he took in a deep breath, his posture straightening. “Of course,” he replied to her thanks. Then he bowed his head in respect. “Goodnight, your Majesty.” No more informalities, despite how his heart had subconsciously pounded against his ribs when she had been so near. In spite of her own words and actions that left his head spinning.
After another second, Aric turned on his heel to exit the queen’s chambers, unsure of what to feel or even think anymore.

ALEXANDRIA:
The mood had indeed changed. Too quickly, leaving Alexandria feeling dizzy and exhausted. How could one moment be so… pleasant, warm...breathtaking? Then the next--dark, cold, isolated and fearful.
She almost instantly felt regretful for pushing Aric away, as the silence lingered within her room--the only sound now was the crackling of the fire. Her thoughts became louder now.

Would Aric have kissed her if the messenger hadn’t knocked on the door and interrupted? Why couldn’t the message wait until morning? What if she had been sleeping?
Had she made Aric feel uncomfortable? What if he did not want to be that close to her? He was nearly begging to leave after the message had arrived--telling her to get some rest? He didn’t even bother to try and console her.
How could she have been so careless, so foolish, practically throwing herself at him? And why? What if he wanted nothing to do with her? He had admitted to her that he didn’t want to be part of any of this. But she and Aralore had surprised him. What does that even mean? Surprised him in what way?

Alexandria stood again and leaned against the mantle of the fireplace. It hit her then, suddenly and all at once… She had feelings for Aric. How did this happen, and so quickly? She shook her head and moved quickly to her door, swinging it open, half hoping that Aric was outside of it, waiting for her. “Aric, wait!” But no one was there. The hallway was just as silent as her room. Her heart sank and she slowly shut her door again, leaning against it in defeat. She slowly slid down the door until she was on the floor. She placed her face into her hands and lightly cried. “No… Maybe it’s better this way… I can’t fall for someone, not now… I can’t bear another heartbreak…”