Seeking answers

[Aoife Lee Frye]

That moment, whatever that moment had been, in the rain with Cian had left her reeling. Aoife did not remember leaving. She did not remember stumbling back to her horse and hauling herself up. The ride home passed as though in a blur, not that anyone paused to speak to the mud-soaked woman with a dazed look in her eyes. The mystic could vaguely recall being ushered into the house, a bath being drawn, her maidservant ushering her into it with some mutterings about ‘playing soldier again’. Aoife did not speak. Eventually the steaming water began to turn cold, and somehow Aoife began to thaw. She shook first. Then the tears came. Finally the woman began to piece together what had happened.

    She had ruined it. She had ruined everything.

    She had betrayed Alasdair- or his memory at least. She had promised everything to him, her life and everything that came with it, though they had not technically been formally married- the promise still stood. And she had broken that promise. Or at least let herself come close to. With another soldier no less. But, what stung more, what was still twisting knots in her stomach and making the air seem thin around her was that she had somehow managed to destroy what could have been with Cian without even saying a word. It had been so easy to run away with those thoughts, charmed by bright blue eyes and a stupid grin. She could have been happy, they could have been happy. But that would have come at the cost of Alasdair’s memory, Aoife’s guilt, and Cian was still a soldier- soldiers could get hurt, soldiers could get killed, and Aoife wasn’t sure she would survive another heartbreak like that.

    She had barely survived this one.

    The mystic still did not know what had happened to him. She had been told he was dead- that was it. No how, no where, no when- no body to bury. Sebastian Arcturis hadn’t mentioned the wardens, their hunt for the mystics, and Aoife hadn’t let him know she knew what Alasdair really did on those nights he slipped away. They all had their secrets afterall. But now, now after months of digging- of going through Alasdair’s letters, of whispers in the court, of quiet research- the mystic felt as though she was owed the truth. Perhaps then she could finally leave all this in the past and begin to heal rather than merely cope. Perhaps. She knew where to find Sebastian, afterall, where else would he be? Even though he was the Warden Inquisitor, there were pretences to be maintained- as far as most of Teronna knew, he was a captain in the guard.

    So that was where Aoife looked for him. It was easy for her to come and go these days, with Rosemary in the castle and Aoife visiting often to train her in self-defence- more important now than ever after the Unseelie attack. ”Captain.” She said by way of introduction, her voice steely. ”We need to talk, do you have a moment?”

[Sebastian Arcturis]

The captain was busy. His daily duties were many but after the attack, things were worse. More people were more concerned for safety, more people wanted guards, more people wanted to complain and then also beg for more guards. Nobles. Allarick and Cera were fine. Rosemary was fine. He'd lost two guards that day and suffered a few other casualties to injuries. Baird had a nasty burn on his thigh from taking an arrow. There were others.

Sebastian himself hadn't left the attack unscathed but as was his custom, he downplayed his problems. So far, Rosemary hadn't decided to bother him about it. She might not have noticed. Baird would probably give him a serious talking to once he was walking again.

The captain of the royal guard didn't have an office, not officially. Any paperwork he did in his room. Anything important he burned or kept...elsewhere. Still, he could be found easily enough walking the castle halls, either by walking around enough or asking servants. He didn't at once recognize the voice of the woman behind him but from her address of him and her tone and her word choice, she knew him and it wasn't a question.

"No," Sebastian said, without turning to look at the woman. Her voice was...familiar. He continued to walk. He didn't pick up his pace or tell her to leave. Could he spare a few minutes? Probably. Did he want to? Not really. Would he have to? Probably.

[Aoife Lee Frye]

’No’

    One syllable, was that all she was worth to the captain of the guard these days? He hadn’t even turned to look at her. Aoife had thought that the man might have been busy, but what was there really to do in the castle other than effectively baby-sit the milling nobles? It wasn’t like he was training, out with the wardens, or even with a member of the royal family- Sebastian, at least to the mystic, just seemed to be walking without aim or objection. ”Fine.” The mystic said, trying to hold back the venom from her tone- she had come for answers, and she was not leaving without them. She deserved this much. After everything. ”Then we’ll walk and talk.” It wasn’t difficult to match his pace, and the dark haired woman stepped alongside him and into his eyeline as they moved through the palace.

    ”Do you remember me?” She asked him, grey eyes finding the man as her head cocoked. In the military, she had never served under Sebastian Arcturis personally, but it had been him who had informed her of Alasdair’s death last year. For a moment, she wondered how often that happened, how many men and women had learned of their partner’s passing from Sebastian, how many fathers and mothers had been told their child had died? The thought brought an involuntary shudder to her, and the mystic folded her arms across her chest as though she was fighting off a chill. ”I need to know, Captain Arcturis, what happened to him- no more lies.”

[Sebastian Arcturis]

Her stubbornness was at once endearing and frustrating. It proved she wasn't easily intimidated and that whatever she wanted meant something. His first line of defense when faced with frivolous nobility. Aoife wasn't that.

As for whether he was busy, she clearly wasn't a guard or a soldier or anyone he answered to so he couldn't give a fuck for her opinions about how he conducted his life and what the word 'busy' was supposed to mean. It wasn't her business and if she was going to roll her eyes and tell him what he should be doing then he would only ignore her harder. Not that she was doing those things just yet but her tone suggested a lot of withheld opinions.

As she caught up to him and moved alongside him, Sebastian recognized her fully, quick to flick his gaze over her and then away again. Aoife Lee Frye. Ex-soldier with authority issues. One time fiance to Alasdair, one of his wardens.

"I do."

She wasn't the first person he had delivered that sort of news to. And she hadn't been the last. He didn't for every Warden he lost, only for those who had served under him publicly or that he was close with. To keep up appearances. But he wished he could for all of them. As difficult and demanding as such news was to break to loved ones, Sebastian owed them that much. To do it personally. Even if they didn't know as much. Even when he couldn't tell them the truth.

He remembered all of them. His Wardens. They belonged to his family just as much as they belonged to others like Aoife. He remembered her shaking her head at him when he arrived at her door without him speaking a word. Remembered explaining that Alasdair's patrol had been ambushed by mystic zealots near a local farm. Remembered her barely seeming to listen as he told her she wouldn't have a husband. Remembered it hurt.

He was tempted to continue to ignore her question. But even he couldn't deny she deserved an answer. A real one. He just wasn't sure he could give it to her. Sebastian grit his teeth and attempted a gentle almost apologetic tone. "I already told you, milady."

He had known Alasdair well enough to call him a good soldier and comrade. He had been reliable and skilled. Sebastian didn't have many friends but he did want to honor and protect his family. It was difficult to do both, however.

[Aoife Lee Frye]

The mystic hadn’t expected this to be easy, hadn’t expected him to suddenly tell her everything just because she had asked him a year later, part of her hadn’t expected to be able to even speak up and give voice to the questions that had been bubbling inside of her for months. But something in the Inquisitor’s nature, the way he seemed to brush her off without raising a finger- it made her blood boil and her resolve strengthen.

    "I do."

    So he did remember her, that was a start at least. The woman attempted to keep her expression neutral, to not give away what she was thinking or feeling in that moment. But Aoife had never been particularly adept at keeping a mask upon her features… so as she walked beside Sebastian Arcturis , Aoife’s face bore a look of frustration, lips turned downward into a clear frown. She was as much frustrated with herself as she was the captain: Aoife couldn’t summon the words to get through to him, to make him understand just how much she needed this. How much she needed the closure answers would bring.

    "I already told you, milady."

    ”You told me half a story, Captain.” Aoife pointed out, fighting to keep the nerves from her voice. To sound strong and assured, rather than convey just how shaky she truly felt. She half succeeded. ”Mystic zealots, an ambush… he was smarter than that, Captain Arcturis and we both know it.” If she thought he would have stopped, Aoife would have brought them to a halt- but she held no power in this conversation, and the mystic knew it. So she followed his pace, let him lead them through the corridors as they spoke. ”So please, I need to know what really happened- because right now part of me is still expecting him to come home.”

    She couldn’t keep her voice from breaking then, grey eyes glancing away from Sebastian for a few moments as she composed herself.

[Sebastian Arcturis]

As far as Sebastian's social skills were concerned, Aoife was doing a splendid job of hiding her frustration. At least initially. The captain wore a blank expression or a slight frown a lot, but that did not, in fact, mean he was upset. Seeing it on other people, he didn't make the connection. At his implication that he had told her the truth, however, her insistence that he was lying made him pay more attention. If he didn't really need to reach his room, he might have actually stopped to focus.

As she rushed through the words he had given her a year ago, they reached the servant living quarters and his room. He stopped at the door out of obligation and searched for his key, still avoiding looking at her. Now more than ever. "We all get caught off guard, sometimes, milady. Myself, Alasdair-" he ended his sentence abruptly at the familiarity with which he used the man's name and swallowed. But she was right. She was...more than right.

Bastian closed his eyes against the lurching in her voice, took a breath and pushed that moment away. As he generally lived most of his life, he didn't let things bother him. Bad things. Good things. Loved ones desperately wanting to know what happened to their family. Expecting them to come home.

"He won't be." Not what he wanted to say. He turned his key in the lock, half expecting some grim mess and honestly, not even caring. Once was a surprise. Twice...it lost its luster after that. The small room contained a bed, a small desk, a chair, a foot locker, an armor stand and...very little else. Taking up one side of the desk was a large terrarium, courtesy of Rosemary. The coiled form of his new pet snake lounged on a rock. She was the reason he was here. It was food time.

He paused in the doorway, an awkward itch running between his shoulder blades. Part of her was still expecting him to come home. He grimaced, still not saying anything, but still not dismissing her. He should have. But it was a sort of penance, he supposed. If he couldn't explain, then he at least wasn't allowed to tell her to go away. Still, if a little pleading and voice cracking and tears and a 'please' was all it took to break the man, then he would have been a poor Warden indeed.

[Aoife Lee Frye]

She was somewhat familiar with the layout of these buildings, more so now she was often visiting her younger cousin- but Aoife was too distracted by the matter at hand to take note of where Sebastian was leading them, even when they stopped Aoife was not quite sure where he had led them. As he looked for the key, the mystic was almost relieved that he had managed to avoid her gaze so far- as much as the woman had assured herself that she was ready for this, wherever this confrontation may take them, she found her resolve slipping through her fingers like sand with each passing moment.

    And then he was dismissing her, once again. ”Not like that.” Granted, it was easy enough to be caught off guard, it happened to the best of them. But he hadn’t just been a common soldier or guardsman- he had been well trained, part of the Wardens, and he had been with the Wardens. The chances of them all being caught off guard were so small, so miniscule, and he had assured her he would be safe and that he would come back- those were promises Alasdair never made lightly. ”I don’t believe it, and I don’t think you do either Captain.”

    There was a part of her that wanted to slam him into that locked door, press a knife to the Inquisitor’s throat and demand answers the only way she knew how. But, she was smarter than that. Or at least not that stupid. Instead, Aoife kept her silence- literally biting her tongue to keep from spitting verbal poison. ”Then where is his body? Why wasn’t it retrieved? Did he even have a proper burial?” Surely she deserved to know at least that much, deserved to know that her partner had at the very least been laid to rest properly. ”He deserved better than a ditch somewhere Captain, and I deserve better than these half truths and empty platitudes.”

    It was difficult to keep her voice level, to keep the anger and upset from her tone. She could not quite understand what she was feeling: it was becoming increasingly common these days. Not knowing what to think or how to feel. She did not like it at all. Awkwardly shifting her weight from foot to foot, the mystic loitered outside the captain’s room- a step or two behind him.

[Sebastian Arcturis]

Sebastian stepped into the room still allowing her to play witness to his life without actively inviting her or pushing her away. Aoife seemed adamant that he was lying. There didn't seem to be any reason for it. A year ago, had she insisted as much, he would have proceeded through the stages of grief. But she had had time. She should be passed the denial, shouldn't she? Perhaps not. But she was persistent.

Part of me is still expecting him to come home. The captain struggled to push that echo away. He didn't have anyone like that. Alasdair had been lucky.

He stepped over to the desk and bent to a small wooden and wire crate behind it, carefully opening a small hatch and fishing out a mouse. His snake (no, he had not named her) uncoiled and half followed the movement across the desk, attentive. She knew what was going on. It took a moment, considering it was live food, but he finally got one by the tail and dropped it into the terrarium. Sebastian folded his arms, watching the snake for a moment before finally glancing at the woman.

For a long moment, he just looked at her. Her agitation, her grief, her anger. He wasn't the type to wear his emotions on his sleeve and she didn't seem to be either. But here she was, accusing him of leaving a man who had worked with him, a friend, without any proper send off. Here she was reminding him of the other, much more difficult part of his job. The side that relied entirely on his ability to not let anything bother him.

Rosemary thought it was a blessing. But it wasn't.

Sebastian sighed. "Nephin Peak," he said, with very little explanation. It was a small mountain (or large rocky hill depending on what one thought of it) almost due east of Ethion and a little ways off. Wardens deserved better than a ditch, certainly. But most of them were lucky to be buried at all, let alone with their families.

[Aoife Lee Frye]

The woman didn’t move past the doorway, did not cross the threshold into Sebastian’s room- it felt like too much. Even though her presence was already an imposition, she was not quite ready to cross that line. So, Aoife loitered outside the door and allowed her grey eyes to follow the captain around his quarters. The snake was unexpected, and if the man had turned to face her then he would have seen a brief expression of surprise cross her features.

    Surprise changed quickly to intrigue as the mystic watched Sebastian retrieve a mouse. It seemed an odd thing for the man to have in his quarters- a live snake and live food with which to feed it, for a moment the woman wondered if the former was venomous. It would make more sense to her that the captain would keep a snake for it’s venom rather than it’s company, but her questions went without a voice, and her curiosity was left unsatiated for the moment- there was more at hand for her to worry about, more important questions needing answers.

    Aoife crossed her arms across her chest to keep herself from fidgeting as the captain looked at her. She wanted to challenge him, and with every second of silence that passed between them that want grew- gnawing at the pit of her stomach. This was never going to be an easy task, a pleasant experience, Aoife had known that- but that knowledge hadn’t even made it any more bearable.

    "Nephin Peak," The mystic echoed, raising an eyebrow. Was that all he had to say? After everything, all he had for he was ‘Nephin Peak’. Was that where her partner had been buried? Where he had died? What did it mean? She took a few moments to cool the fire she could feel building, a few moments to calm the anger that was rising past spitting point. Grey eyes met Sebastian’s gaze, ”What happened at Nephin Peak? Is that where you buried him? Or where he fell?”, though her expression was cold- Aoife couldn’t keep her voice level no matter how hard she tried.

[Sebastian Arcturis]

The snake was a new addition, a gift from a...friend he supposed. The captain still wasn't sure why he was keeping it other than he got some sort of emotional high from the knowledge that this particular snake had bit him. Adders might not be deadly but it hadn't been a pleasant experience. As for using it's venom...the thought had occurred to him but he was letting the snake acclaimate to her new home for now. The mice he wasn't so much a fan of but live food just seemed...more decent.

The woman outside his door grew more and more agitated and Bastian gave no indication he noticed.

It was difficult enough to bury a friend. Harder to only vaguely understand what happened. Harder still when he couldn't talk about it. The captain's general emotional distance from people didn't do him any favors in showcasing his own struggle.

It was, in fact, all he had to say. More than he should have said. Sebastian glanced toward the window, judging the light. He needed to eat. And then it was back to guard duty.

"I was not with him. I do not know." The first was entirely true. The second was mostly true. She would have find out herself. It had, however, been a while since he visited the mountain. He was due for a visit. Alone.

[Aoife Lee Frye]

She would have possibly had greater luck in interrogating a rock, or perhaps in questioning the snake the captain kept in his rooms- perhaps Sebastian shared his thoughts with the reptile, for he seemed to have no inclination for sharing them with her today. Aoife tried to keep herself still, to avoid pacing or fidgeting as her frustration grew and grew. She deserved to know. She had to know. It was maddening.

    Perhaps it had been a terrible idea to attempt to dredge up these memories, a terrible idea to go rooting around in a past which had brought nothing but pain to her in the past. But Aoife couldn’t stop, she couldn’t leave him in the past- couldn’t forget him. Alasdair had taken part of her heart when he had died, a part she knew she would never get back, but perhaps she could begin to heal somewhat.

    ”You do not know.” She sighed, pressing a gloved hand to her temple- fingers working as though to massage the tension from her mind. The mystic didn’t believe him, surely the rest of the Wardens- the ones who had survived whatever befell Alasdair had reported back to their inquisitor, they were still soldiers of a sort and soldiers had their captains to report to. If Aoife had known any of the other Wardens by name- she would have sought them out, questioned them in the hopes they would be more forthcoming… but she knew only Sebastian. ”Nephin Peak, that’s all you know?” It would seem as though a trip to the mountains was warranted, perhaps someone there would remember what had happened.

[Sebastian Arcturis]

Sebastian did not talk to the snake anymore than he talked to rocks or to himself. He simply didn't understand the need to. The captain could certainly give more voice to his thoughts and opinions in certain situations but this was not one of them. Whether he wanted to tell Aoife more or not, the simple answer was that he couldn't. The Wardens served a purpose beyond the needs of one woman and as it stood, they relied on secrecy.

The captain himself hadn't dealt with those memories. Alasdair had been his Imperator. And he still hadn't promoted a new one. He wasn't entirely sure why, of course, but he told himself he hadn't found anyone fitting for the role. He realized eventually he would have to move on and leave the past behind. He always did. Soldiers didn't have very long careers, one way or another.

It was a lie, of course. He knew quite a bit. But he hadn't been there and only a few other Wardens had. It wasn't easy to move in large numbers undetected. But certainly Alasdair had not been alone.

Sebastian watched her work through the complete lack of information he had given her, honestly a bit surprised she wasn't punching him or the door or anything else. He didn't know Aoife very well, but he would have found himself very frustrated to be given nothing.

"Will that be all, my lady?" He asked instead of answering. There wasn't anything else to answer her with. He wasn't under any compulsion to speak to her except for her rank and his guilt. And he would very much like to be free of both, now that he had caved already. It was more than he had imagined he would give her, the location of a graveyard.

[Aoife Lee Frye]

She had come this far without the slightest shred of information, the smallest glimmer of hope, or the finality of closure- why had she expected tonight to have been any different? Perhaps it was because this was the first step she had taken, the first move forward she had made in months- she had expected her efforts to pay off, at least somewhat. But all she had to show for her boldness was another dead end, another question without hope of an answer.

Years ago, perhaps she would have turned to force- pulled a dagger from her sleeve and held it against the Captain’s throat and demanded the answers Aoife felt she was well and truly owned. But today, she had none of that fire or anger in her, merely a quiet resignation. A resignation that she would need to find her own answers, learn what had happened that night through her own means.

Really, what had she expected? A kind word and a full story? It had taken Alasdair moons to open up to her, to tell her what he had and they had planned to spend the rest of their days together- Sebastian Arcturis owed her nothing, had no debt to pay or ties to her, why would he open up?

Sighing heavily, Aoife cast one last look to the room and the man within it before speaking. ”I suppose it is, Captain.” So many more words danced upon the tip of her tongue, threatening to spill with each passing moment- but for now the former soldier held them back. ”Thank you for your time.”

That was it, there was nothing else she could say that came without the cost of her dignity or pride… so Aoife let it lie and turned to walk away- towards the stables where a horse could carry her to the peak the captain had named. Perhaps the mountains would be more talkative than the man.

[Sebastian Arcturis]

The captain wasn't really sure why she was thanking him for his time. Was his time valuable or something? He supposed he had been more helpful than he should have, all things considered. And despite his frosty, dismissive demeanor, he had been paying attention. More than she realized.

Not that it mattered.

The noble woman left faster than Sebastian thought. Had he know she intended to travel to the grave that very moment, he might have said more. Might have even gone with her whether she wanted him to or not. But as it was, he only suspected, her lack of insistence not striking him as very dedicated. Sebastian realized however he was likely projecting his own disinterest and unhappiness on the woman. Hefelt a little bit like an ass. Just for a moment.

Then he sat down on his bed and likely would have remained there staring up at the ceiling if he was not summoned by another guard for some small disagreement. Right. He had work to do.

---

Nephin Peak was very much a mountain. But it wasn't the sort with sheer cliffs, at least not until the very top. It was located squarely in the wilds of the green isle, swathed in forests and dense brush, speckled with rocky outcroppings. Somewhere near the top was a small spring, the waters gurgling and pooling over slender rapids before meandering down the rest of the green mountain and into the foot hills.

From the city, it was perhaps an hours ride along the main road to those hills. Less if one was riding hard. There was one known trail that broke from the road and followed the stream up about halfway. After that, besides some meandering game trails, there wasn't a whole lot to direct a traveler. The coiling undergrowth seemed in fact to resist unwanted human travelers, though there was a definite peacefulness to the wilderness in the song of the birds and the trickling waters.

A skilled tracker might be able to pick up a recent trail...

Others would have to rely on their knowledge of the area or simply the infinitesimal context clues of the captain of the guard...

Either way, hopefully some survival gear or supplies were brought along. Just in case.

[Aoife Lee Frye]

Aoife had never been one for waiting once she had set her mind on something, she had let the wound fester for far too long as it was. Had she been more sensible, more level headed, thinking more clearly- the mystic might have ridden home to prepare for the journey, instead she had stopped only to ask one of the castle’s stablehands for direction before swinging into the saddle and riding out for Nephin Peak.

The hour’s ride passed slowly, paired only with the company of the fall of hooves on the road and a maelstrom of thoughts. Aoife had told herself to expect nothing- that the captain could have forgotten all about the things that still plagued upon her mind all these months later, soldiers died every single day and the mystic doubted the Warden’s were strangers to death, for all she knew the single event that had brought the entire world crashing down upon her had just been another day for Sebastian Arcturis . Despite this, despite the low expectations, she still rode away with a crushing feeling of disappointment and replayed their conversation over and over in her mind- trying to pull even the smallest detail from what the captain had said.

She had reached the foothills of the mountain before it dawned on her: she really had no idea what she was looking for, or even if there would be anyone to even ask. It wasn’t as though the peak itself was going to be any more talkative than Captain Arcturis. Other than the solitary trail leading up the mountain, there was nothing to suggest humans had ever strayed from the main road.

It seemed as though that solitary trail was the only option, lest she wished to plow headfirst into the forest and wander with no real aim other than upwards... so it was the trail she took, slowing her mount to a careful walk as they entered the canopy of the forest. Despite the birdsong and the wind, it all seemed so quiet, and each hoofbeat echoed through the trees as though broadcasting her presence to whatever man or beasts called these foothills home.

After a little while, Aoife began to notice the trail dwindling, becoming narrower and more overgrown as though it had surrendered its purpose. Branches hung lower and roots coiled and rose across what remained of the trail and threatened to snare her horse’s hooves with every step. Bringing her mount to a halt, the mystic led him away from the path- into the trees and away from any eyes that may stray this far up the trail. There were plenty of grasses and shrubs to occupy him in her absence, and besides- she couldn’t escape the sinking feeling that this peak held no answers for her, so she would not be gone from him too long.

Returning to the stream on foot, Aoife couldn’t keep the frustrated groan from her lips. She allowed herself this outburst before trying to piece together her next steps.