Behind Closed Doors

[Helene Hewitt]

Her eyes never wavered as they watched him. She watched his every move as he took that breath, the slight rise of his shoulders, the way his chest gently moved with each breath beneath where her hand was being held in his. The moment was extremely intimate, even if they weren’t doing anything that would classify as ‘intimacy.’ They were two people, practically nose to nose, standing in a corridor, and this man was making her blood rush. It was like a roaring in her ears as her own heart pounded in her chest. She was only paying attention to him. Her focus was entirely on him.

His subtle gentle touches along her face were going to be her undoing. Wesley deGrey was unraveling her. Chipping away at her well placed high walls. No, he was scaling them. He was scaling her high walls like the sly wily fox he was, intent on capturing her heart with each touch, with each look, and with each word that fell from his lips. She was going to be a goner. She was falling. She knew she was, and it was hard. The realization nearly had her pulling herself from him, and walking away. She needed to walk away. He was a sailor for god’s sake. He was leaving. It was just a matter of time. Why torture herself with this need that only Wesley deGrey could apparently fill. She’d felt like this about no other, and it was maddening and terrifying with how little they knew about the other. And yet…she knew him.

The devil on her shoulder told her to enjoy her time with him while she could. When he was gone, when he went back to his mistress that was the sea, she’d move on. He’d be gone, away from temptation, and she could truly focus on her task at hand. He was leaving. And yet that mindset was still dangerous. How much heartache, how much… how much was she going to break to watch him leave and know when he came back, he couldn’t return to her? That there was a very high chance she’d be with another. It was going to destroy them. Their chaos was going to destroy the other. The question was, how much were they going to be able to recover from the storm?

Her hand at his neck slipped into his hair slightly, as she watched him. He asked an impossible question. What did she want? What could she say that would allow her to get away with things. That would let her be able to let him go? “I want what I can’t have.” She whispered.“What I know is going to have to return from whence it came.” Her fingers idly played with the hair at the nape of his neck, her eyes flickered from his to his mouth for a moment, before they were back to those ocean blues.

He was being honest with her, telling her what he wanted to know, and she didn’t know how to answer him. She couldn’t give him what he wanted, and knowing he was feeling just as vulnerable as her right now, stirred the pot more. What really did it was hearing him say he wasn’t going to leave her.

“Why?” She asked. Her turn to say the words without thinking. Was it because they were friends that he wouldn’t leave her? They were friends right? But in all honesty she didn’t think they were. At least not in their current state where she kept glancing at that mouth of his. “What if you take that risk and you won’t recover from it?” She began to say, her panic beginning to show again, but also the war within herself. Give him something. She nearly screamed at herself. “Welsey if anything happens to you-” Her breath caught at that thought. Her father certainly knew now what he meant to her now. She’d threatened him. He was going to come after her and Mari. If Helene wasn’t careful, her father just might be mad enough to come after a deGrey. Her deGrey. She’d protect him. She had to. Just like she did with Mari, she’d protect Wesley. It was a self-sacrifice she’d have to make. And for him, she’d do it without hesitation or a second thought.

“You may take risks all the time but I don’t. I can’t, I have to be careful, and if he does anything to you I will never forgive myself.” She whispered quickly. Searching his eyes, begging him to understand. To see she was trying to do this all for his benefit. Her fingers tightened slightly in his hair and she found herself biting her lip.

“Please, I just...I need you safe. I need you to-” Her heart constricted and she had to swallow around the lump in the throat. Her hand moving from the back of his neck to his face. Rubbing her thumb against his cheek. Go, I need you to go. Is what she needed to say, but she couldn’t say them, and her eyes would tell him completely different. She was afraid for him. For herself, everything. She couldn’t bring herself to say the words she knew needed to be said, because for once….she didn’t want to handle anything on her own. Not if Wesley was around. Even if it wasn't for the best of them.

[Wesley deGrey]

How did it go from needing to help her to...just needing her? As simple and as complicated as that was. Wasn't that a selfish thought to have. Wasn't Helene distraught enough, so what made him think that he could just impose on her with things he didn't even fully understand? What made him believe that he even had the right to be thinking such things?

Because of that look in her eyes, the way she clung to him, her words of needing to protect him. It was jumbling up his mind, confusing him, making him feel things that he shouldn't. But all of this had always been there. Somehow, it was always there even the night they met- that invisible pull. It drew him to her home that one day, it kept him grounded and not willing to leave on some other adventure so soon. It had him making bets just to have an excuse to see her again. It made him nervous just to arrive at dinner last night.

It had always been there, and he had been too blind to accept it.

Suddenly, like a violent, crashing wave, it was as though his very soul felt her. Like she had always been there in his heart, waiting for him to stupidly realize it. Her words were blatantly pleading with him to let this go, to stay out of this business, and yet she would not move from his side. It was that final push that made him realize what was slowly happening and what he had staring right back at him. That maybe she was just as stupid and confused as him.

His body tensed when her fingers slipped into his hair, and not because it bothered him. Because he felt himself crumbling. Wesley felt himself on the edge of doing something possibly foolish or wonderful, or taking down every single person who wronged her, who had made her so fearful. He wanted both...but he couldn't have both now, could he? Protecting her would have to win out because he was leaving. She didn't want that. She didn't deserve that. 'I want what I can't have. What I know is going to have to return from whence it came.' Those eyes were frustrated, they were saddened. Was she speaking of him having to go, or was he just hoping that she meant him? Her fingers were swiftly distracting him, and he was trying to fight the comfort they gave.

'Why?' The one-word question brought him pause, and he even looked a little alarmed again as he stared into those dark eyes. His lips parted to speak, believing he knew what he was going to say, only to falter and remain silent. It was a struggle to weave through the barrage of thoughts in his head until all he could say was the truth, because drowning underneath the words they were not saying was madness. "I don't know." It sounded like denial, like he was holding back, but he wasn't. The words came out in what sounded like fear, mixed in with a soft chuckle of surprised humor. He didn’t understand it. Everything was crumbling around him, and he was letting it.

What if he did take that risk? What if Wesley just jumped headfirst into whatever mess this was? He just watched her as she continued to plead with him and explain, still not mentioning exactly who it was she was so afraid of but it was a he. Wes was starting to possibly understand, it was that strange sense he had yesterday. Then came the "please" and he held his breath.

Helene couldn't bring herself to say it, to tell him to go, so he wouldn't. He couldn't. With her hand at his cheek again, he was gently taking it between his fingers; shifting his face to press a chaste kiss against the inside of her wrist while he became temporarily occupied with the way she bit her bottom lip.

He was losing absolutely all sense now.

Blue eyes drifted back up to her face, waiting for her to say that one word, to tell him to go. But she was hesitating, her eyes filled with fear for him, for everything, and he wanted so desperately to make it go away.

"No," he finally whispered. "I can't...just go, Helene." Part of his mind was screaming at him to stop, but he didn't listen. He didn't care anymore. After this, he may not get another chance, and didn't he just say he took risks? "You...just walked into my life like you had always lived there. Like I have always known your face, your eyes, your smile. It felt normal even when I knew nothing about you." Ever so slowly, he was becoming frustrated and it was at himself. It was at the choices he made in life, choices that were telling him he would have to leave, that he never cared about staying in one place for too long before. It was making him dizzy and he didn't know how to control it.

Finally, he was freeing her hands and stepping back, just enough to turn and pace a couple of steps while fingers once again filtered angrily through that already messy hair. The smart thing to do would be to just shut up and move on, let this somehow all blow over. But that wasn't how he did things, now was it?

"I woke up this morning and realized...I was thinking of you. My thoughts were always trailing back to you and I began to wonder how long you've been there haunting me. Then tonight, from the moment you walked in, it occurred to me: since I met you. You've never left." Wesley turned just enough to look over his shoulder at her, his chest heaving with how much his heart was pounding, how much he was trying to get his own breathing under control. "And I don't understand it. It makes little sense to me, because...well, I'm me. But I'm still standing here. It's as if spending time with you has shown me what I've been missing in my life...and it scares the fuck out of me."

He was saying too much now. Way too much, and he didn't know how to stop himself. Maybe he would frighten her off, but as much as she needed him to understand why she didn't want him involved or helping her, she needed to realize just why he couldn't walk away.

She balanced that chaos inside him.

"And what kind of man would I be...if I just left you here to suffer these people alone?" Wesley was daring her to argue that now, but she would have little time. His control and logic were gone now, making him turn back around to face her. Booted feet brought him forward swiftly, closing the gap between them. One of his hands cupped the back of her head to cushion it when he urged her back against the wall, further into the shadow of the corridor. "Forgive me," he whispered, apologizing for his sudden brazen nature as his other hand was against her cheek gently. He needed to know if he was going crazy, if this feeling of connection was real or he was simply imagining things.

Then, without further thought, his lips were on hers.

[Helene Hewitt]

She was in trouble. She was entering dangerous waters, and she knew it. That kiss, albeit small, was like something had been unlocked. It was tender and sweet, and yet it had sent a shiver down her spine as tingles shot down her arm. She felt like her nerves had been set on fire. He was speaking then, and she felt her breathing stop all together. No Wesley, be quiet. Shut up, stop- what are you saying? She wanted to interrupt him. To cut him off, to let him go and walk away. No, run. She needed to run away even if it agitated her injured side.

She was frozen in place. Unmoving. He held her there with his words, and it scared her to know how very similar his feelings were to hers. It was like she’d been punched however as he was stepping away. Letting her go. Good, good this needed to happen. She quickly wrapped her arms around herself, taking in needed breath. She found herself a little winded, not realizing how much lack of oxygen she’d had.

Wesley, don’t. He was speaking again and it was like someone was stabbing her heart repeatedly. Healing it up, and then doing it again. The conflicting emotions she had at war with one another. Her eyes filled with hope, and hope was not something she could have. It was not something she was allowed. He was leaving, and if he left, all her hope would go with him. She couldn’t have this, and yet he was tempting her more and more. She could feel the tears pooling, threatening to spill. She wanted to argue with him. To tell him she was not what he needed. She was a murderess. Hell, she might have to commit another murder before the year was over. And to protect her sister from their monster of a father, she would do it. No hesitation. If the shit show she was involved in didn’t taint him...she would.

Helene didn’t understand it either, but it was clear she was not the only one. She too was drawn to him in such a way that scared her. With such strong feelings, she didn’t even know how to process them. To cope with them. She’d never had feelings like this. She’d never wanted something so much she was willing to actually put herself first for once. Selfish. She wanted to be selfish with him. She knew as he looked over his shoulder at her she was done for. She couldn’t move, frozen in place mostly out of fear that he shared that same odd anomaly of feelings. That tether that they were connected in some way. It went beyond a physical and emotional attraction. It went beyond them in a spiritual attraction. As if they were two halves of a star that had finally found its other half. Together?

They shone.

She might have shown him what he was missing, but he was showing her what she could have. The type of relationship, the care, the love, that she could have. That she knew she didn’t deserve, and it was painful. Heart wrenchingly so. Please stop, she wanted to say, and her mouth even parted to tell him to go, but no words came out. And what kind of man would I be...if I just left you here to suffer these people alone? She could feel her heart break. Her mouth opened wider to try and argue with him. To ask him what sort of woman she would be to let someone she cared so much about suffer possibly because of her. If not by the mess she was in, then by herself.

She couldn’t, though.

Helene’s eyes widened a mix of horror and surprise as he walked towards her. She should have turned and run, leaving her shoes behind. She could have ordered him to stop, she could have yelled in hopes someone would come running but she didn’t. The only sound was her heart roaring in her ears and her breathing growing fast-paced. It didn’t matter if her side hurt. Nothing mattered but him.

“Wesley-” She said in quiet warning. It came out breathless, and her dark eyes looked up into his as his hand went to the back of her head, and he pressed her back into the shadows and that wall. Her heart was going a mile a minute, thundering in her ears as she looked up at him. He apologized, and before she could speak, his lips were upon hers.

If he was chaos and she was chaos, then the feeling she felt as his lips touched hers was world domination. It was the utter destruction of any thoughts, any other senses, that did not include Wesley deGrey. She didn’t care that her shoulders screamed at her from the wall pressing into the bruise the stair pedestal had left. She didn’t care that they might be seen. She didn’t care about anything but confirming that the connection they had was real. They weren’t both imagining it. Her lips practically melted against his. Her hands instantly went to the lapels of his jacket, pulling him closer, as her lips would cave under his. There was suddenly that desperation, that need for him. He took her breath away in the best of way, and she kissed him back like her life depended on it. She kissed him like she was never going to kiss him again, and if this was to be their last, she was going to make it bloody memorable.

After a moment, she realized she needed air, and that she couldn’t breathe. She pulled away, her breathing slightly labored, and she winced slightly, but it didn’t last. She looked up into his eyes, could practically feel the charged energy between them while she caught her breath. “It is I that needs to be forgiven.” She whispered breathlessly before her fingers combed through his hair and pulled him back down to her.

[Wesley deGrey]

He was taking that chance; he was taking the risk and wasn't turning back now. All she had to do was push him away and he would stop. Helene just had to tell him to go, literally say the words, and he would turn around and leave. But the fact that she couldn't bring herself to speak the demand made him believe that he truly wasn't alone in these thoughts and feelings. That, perhaps, he wasn't as insane as he was beginning to feel.

There was that span of a few seconds, of several heartbeats after he initiated the kiss that he feared rejection. Helene had been trying to argue with him, secretly argue this, and he expected her to continue to do so. The thought terrified him. He was taking this leap of faith, expressing the affection he never dared to before, and she could shoot him down so easily. And maybe she should. It would serve him right for being such a brazen fool.

But then she didn't, and he thought his entire body was set on fire. It was this electric current that shot through him, alerting every nerve, every part of his skin to the presence of her and Wesley thought his mind might explode. She was drawing him closer and he was struggling to remember that she was hurt as he was so desperate to lovingly crush her between him and the wall, to just melt into her and make his confused and aching soul feel more complete. He happily sighed into her open mouth before slanting his lips harder against her own, not concerning himself with the possibility of being caught in such a compromising position.

He didn’t care. He didn’t know what would come of this or if this would be the only time he’d be able to hold her this close or taste her lips. The hand that wasn’t behind her head left her face to press his palm against the stone beside her, bracing himself, forcing himself not to crush her while completely losing himself in the moment.

When she drew back, Wesley nearly gasped for breath, almost afraid to open his eyes to look at her. Like she would disappear and would have been nothing but a strange figment of his imagination. But her warmth was still there, her breath so close, the scent of her skin, and those blues eventually found her dark eyes in the dim. The sight of her in this vulnerable, confusing moment threatened to take his breath away again.

This was when she should walk away. This was when she should tell him to stop, that he couldn’t be involved, to remind him that it would not be fair of him to expect anything of her or to wait for him when he was away. Wesley was already trying to come up with excuses in the few seconds of silence that ticked by, but her apology ceased all thought. Helene was drawing him back to her, and of course, the sailor willingly complied; fingers curling further into that dark hair and possibly ruining that lovely up-do as he was hellbent on removing every trace of that red stain from her lips. Wesley always thought that the adventure out at sea was the only thing that could make him truly feel alive...but that wasn’t true. He felt just as exhilarated now, his heart pounding harder against his chest, and he didn’t want to be anywhere else. Just here, just with her, in whatever way she would allow. He wanted to chase away all of her demons, draw her from this darkness that loomed over her and drag her out into the light.

Maybe he was confused, maybe he was an idiot, but Wesley deGrey suddenly forgot himself. Or maybe he simply found the part of him that was missing.

[Helene Hewitt]

She was throwing caution to the wind, and only worrying about one thing at that moment. One thing: the worry that this might be a dream and that Wesley would disappear on her. That worry had her arms wrapping around his neck, pressing her body against his, and losing herself in his taste and his touch. She could feel his hand tighten in her hair, and she didn’t care if it was messed up. Her hair was already in a somewhat messy updo anyways. If it got messed up further, oh well.

Her body was ablaze and it was all thanks to him. This man, who she knew has been trouble as soon as she laid eyes on him. He had done something to her that no other had done. He’d brought her out from behind the mask she was forced to wear. He’d brought out more of the real Helene then she dare wanted to admit. No one else had done what he did. No one calmed her like he did. And it frightened her. Made her terrified that he had so much control over her without realizing it. But she needed him. She needed him. She had touched his light and it had become her drug. She was a moth drawn to his flame, and whether she got burned or not, she needed this man.

Tonight was supposed to be the best night ever. She’d told Mari she’d give them the best Yule, and with her father gone and not there, it was certainly possible. Tonight would be a night like no other. No worries, no concerns, nothing but happiness, and joy, and what she wanted. She wasn’t going to worry about her responsibilities. Not while she was in Wesley deGrey’s arms. After some time she had to come up to breathe again, and her heart was still pounding hard in her chest. Blood roaring in her ears. She kept her eyes closed for a moment before she slowly opened them. Looking up at him with a hooded expression. She was clearly trying to think about something, warring with herself over it. It might have seemed she was thinking about leaving as her eyes averted to the side, looking down the empty corridor. No one was coming. “Wesley….” she whispered quietly, almost hesitantly. Her eyes drifted up to his, while her resolve showed on her face.

Her hands slid from around his neck to his chest and her eyes looked at her hands before going up to his eyes, for a brief moment before she was leaning up on her toes, her lips by his ear. She was a fool, who wanted one good night to remember. With him. Damn it all. She didn’t care about anything else at that moment. Nothing but him and the connection they had. “You don’t mind closed doors?” Maybe it was time for her to be the brazen one for once.

[Wesley deGrey]

This was all a dream. It had to be. How did he so quickly go from overwhelming concern to pinning this woman against the wall? In a public corridor no less, with hundreds of people just down the hall in the other room, coming and going as they pleased. None of that seemed to enter his mind, though, because it felt like every nerve in his body was buzzing with life, his head becoming dizzy by how this escalated unexpectedly. She was practically molding herself against him, and his fingers curled and dug into the stone beside her to keep himself from crushing her even more, to keep himself from letting that stray hand wander to other places it shouldn’t. Publicly or not, he wasn’t a cretin, although it was becoming increasingly difficult to remain a gentleman…

Fortunately (yet, still unfortunately), the kiss was slowly broken again, leaving him breathless and those blue eyes to look down upon her face. Wesley didn’t draw back completely, gently resting his forehead against hers while his hand drifted away from her hair to go to her cheek; his thumb once again brushing her chin just beneath her bottom lip. “Yes?” he answered her quietly, fighting the urge to once again claim her mouth and possibly interrupt her. But he held himself back. Maybe she was worried they had been seen or would be, yet his gaze never left her in order to look down the hallway. He simply didn’t care because she was the only thing that mattered in that moment.

Wesley studied the way her expression changed, wishing he was able to read her thoughts, to know what was going on in that mind of hers. His eyes only dropped to her hands for a moment when they rested against his chest before he found himself staring at the wall...and her voice was at his ear. The sailor stopped breathing for a second, his back straightening at what he heard. No, what he thought he heard, because he certainly misheard her. Right? Was that...insinuation in her tone? Wes drew back just enough to look at her, probably appearing completely taken off guard and confused. Was that his own heart he heard pounding in his ears? “...what?”

[Helene Hewitt]

What was she thinking? She wasn’t, that was the problem. She didn’t know what she expected. Maybe it was Wesley making some bold comment about how he couldn’t agree more with her, taking her hand and dragging her behind a closed door, or maybe it was her dragging him, behind it. Maybe she was expecting him to just kiss her again or something. There were a million things going on in her mind at that moment, and for a brief second, she hadn’t thought about the idea of rejection. Because she hadn’t been thinking, she had wanted to be selfish, to do something she wanted for once, because she wanted him. It was this sudden ache that needed to be dealt with. She hadn’t thought about how he might take it.

The look on his face as he leaned back showed her she’d caught him off guard. There was confusion, and she suddenly realized how much she’d screwed up. Her cheeks instantly flamed red, hoping the dim lighting and the shadows would keep it from showing. Dammit, Helene! She cursed herself. Suddenly fearful, she averted her eyes. She’d been so confident moments before but now...now she felt like a deflated balloon. She was a noble Lady. Pulling a man into a separate room away from prying eyes that you weren’t even married to, was highly improper. She knew better.

“I-“ she opened her mouth to try and explain, but she cut herself off, not knowing the words to tell him what she had wanted. Now? She wasn’t sure. She felt like a babbling buffoon standing there, and she couldn’t look him in the eye. She was afraid of his reaction. She didn’t want to look at him for the rejecting blow.

Now. Now is when you leave. Now is when you go. A small voice told her. Leave while you can, while he’s still trying to make sense of what you were saying, it instructed her. It would be for the best. She could easily slip into a washroom and make herself look presentable again, and then head back to the ball. She could easily become that quiet wallflower her father had turned her into. It would be no issue, and she’d just watch her sister enjoy the ball instead while she avoided Clarence and Wesley now. And yet…..

Dammit Helene you wanted this to be a good night. You deserve one good night. She was finding that resolve again. That determination. That fire. She straightened to her full height, letting out a deep breath before she made herself look up at him. She pushed against his chest lightly so she could move away from the wall. “You heard me.” Said in a tone that would indicate he’d heard her correctly. It was said in a way that was challenging. You heard correct, now what are you going to do about it?

She had to rest a hand on the wall, and it was a bit of finagling, but she managed to pick her shoes up without too much pain. She hooked her fingers around the back of them and held them with one hand. She dared a look over her shoulder. Her brow slightly raised before she started walking down the corridor. She didn’t dare look back. It was up to him. He could follow or not, she’d said what she wanted to say, what she needed to say to him. She was in a mess she didn’t want him involved in, and she clearly had feelings for him. She’d made it abundantly clear.

She kept her pace normal, her head held high. Her intent currently was to take a walk to calm herself down from whatever that was. Wesley would have to make his own decision.

[Wesley deGrey]

Normally he wasn’t so taken off guard. Then again, he wasn’t really ever in this kind of situation, despite his flirtations and brazen nature. And he certainly hadn’t expected to hear that from her. Although it surprised him, her own boldness was doing something else to him that he was too ashamed to admit to. Because it was wrong, wasn’t it? Widowed or not, she was still a lady, a woman he had come to admire and respect.

But ladies didn’t often say that in a dark hallway.

By God, stop gawking, you idiot.

Through his confusion, he could see the fluctuation of emotion on her face. He didn’t need to actually see the color of her cheeks to know they were flushed, to know his idiocy was not what she was expecting. It had just taken him by surprise, which was funny because things like this often didn’t. Again, maybe he really was going crazy. It was maddening how different yet how much more himself he was around her all at the same time. That made little sense, but he had stopped trying to question it the moment he tasted her lips.

Suddenly, she was pushing him back and stepping away, taking her warmth with her. At first, he thought he had angered or upset her, but then she spoke. ’You heard me.’ It stunned him again, even more so to hear that challenge in her tone, and it made his breath hitch. The sailor watched her stupidly again, mouth agape as his brain was trying to figure out what to say or even do at this point. His heart was still thundering within his chest, and the last thing he wanted to do was watch her walk away.

Yet, there she went, and he still stood there like a bloody idiot. Why was he even questioning this? Why was he still just standing there, unable to move when she clearly wanted him to follow? This wasn’t the time to decide that he was going to be extra chivalrous...but, there he was, unable to move like a fool.

Blue eyes watched as she walked away, drifting his gaze up the length of her in that red gown and he thought his heart finally stopped. No, it definitely did when she glanced over her shoulder at him and he’d completely forgotten what he was so confused about. It was a few more seconds before his body finally moved on its own accord, yet he did not rush to catch up. His walk was just as casual as her own, keeping his distance, and for a couple of minutes, it was just the sound of his boots upon the marble floor…

Until they stopped.

Maybe he finally decided to stop himself before this situation went any further, but were she to look behind her, she’d find that he wasn’t there. Seconds would tick by and still nothing...not until she was rounding a corner. He had slipped through one of the drawing rooms to the hallway adjacent, the one that she was just turning down so that she would find him standing there just a short distance away.

His face was expressionless, even as he slowly began to advance closer, his fingers trailing idly along the wall as he went. Just when he was a couple of feet away, he was slowing to a pause as his hand dropped to the knob of a door. Was it her intention to go back to that particular ballroom they’d found themselves in earlier yesterday, or was this some sort of strange fate? A corner of his mouth finally curled into a smirk as he eyed her, opening the door to slip inside.

The ball was now in her court.

[Helene Hewitt]

For a moment Helene could only hear the sound of her pounding heart as she walked down the corridor. He wasn’t going to follow, that was fine. Everything was fine, and it was okay. She didn’t have to see Wesley after this. There was no obligation anymore. They’d had their chase, they’d had dinner, they had the ball, he could go back to sea. “And what kind of man would I be...if I just left you here to suffer these people alone?” He’d asked her. A smart one. She should have said. He was being smart, not following her. Good, he wouldn’t get caught up in her troubles. He wouldn’t get caught up in any possible danger her father had planned. He’d be safe.

She heard it then, the soft sound of boots on marble, and her breath caught. Her own steps almost faltered, but she continued her walk. Staring ahead, she kept herself moving. She refused to look back. She wouldn’t. She could tell from the sound he was following her. They weren’t going away, back to the ballroom. Instead, they were following her at a leisurely pace, which was probably a good thing in case anyone happened to see them. Just two people, not together, walking down the corridor. It was fine. Nothing to see here…

She was so focused on the sound of his boots on the marble, that when she couldn’t hear them anymore, she found herself slowing down to a stop and daring a peek over her shoulder. She’d expected to see him standing there, or changing his mind. But instead… He was gone. Had she misheard him? Had his boots been going the other direction. She felt like the wind had been knocked out of her, and the sudden surge of disappointment was nearly suffocating. She rested a hand gently on her injured side as she took in a slow, shuddering breath. Feeling the hot sting of tears, she refused to shed them. Good. This was good, he’d chosen right. He’d done what he was supposed to…Why did doing the right thing have to hurt so much? She pursed her lips, letting her eyes drop to the floor as she faced forward and continued her walk.

She rounded the corner then, and not expecting to see anyone coming down the hallway, when she saw those booted feet she was a bit surprised until her eyes slowly followed up to see who they belonged too.

Oh, you sly fox…

She nearly slowed to another stop as she watched him walk towards her slowly, how his fingers trailed along the wall. Her face mirrored his, but it was obvious she was watching him. She saw him stop then as he gripped that door handle and her heart began to beat faster. Her breath quickened. He gave her that smirk before he pushed the door open and was slipping inside to that ballroom they’d been hiding in yesterday. She stopped then. The door a few feet ahead. Wesley was ahead. In that room. Waiting. She’d done this. It was her decision now. He’d accepted her challenge. Was willing. It was… She bit her bottom lip. Taking the moment to really think about this.

Did she want this? Going through that door could very well lead to something she didn’t know if she wanted to experience ever again. Not after Stephen, but she also reminded herself Stephen was six-foot-under thanks to her. He’d never touch her again. She was alright. This was Wesley. She was safe. She’d stay safe. He’d keep her safe. She just needed him to be aware of it. Given how gung-ho as she had been earlier, if they decided to take that road, she had no idea how she’d handle taking it several steps further. Not to mention there were her scars, and if he saw those he would surely ask questions. Questions she wasn’t sure she was ready to answer yet.

She could turn and just leave, or allow herself the best Yule ever. Allow herself Wesley deGrey for one night.

With a quick deep breath, she was walking quickly down the hallway with determination. Looking both directions before she slipped through the door, shutting it behind her with a soft thud. She dropped her shoes by the door as she took in the smaller ballroom. It was much darker in here then it was in the hallway. The only light came in from those large windows. Her dark eyes looked for him while they adjusted to the darkness. After a few moments, her steps were quiet as she walked slowly further into the room.

[Wesley deGrey]

Every voice in his head told him to step back, to think something through for once. Oddly enough, this hadn’t been his idea, but that didn’t mean he should be humoring it. It wasn’t appropriate. Just thinking about it wasn’t appropriate, and yet he had found himself following anyway until it was his turn to wait.

The humor left his face the moment he stepped into that small, unused ballroom, drifting to the side to press his back to the wall near the door. A part of him knew she should keep walking and not help him make a possible foolish situation that much worse. He was leaving. At some point he was leaving, and he didn’t know for how long. He didn’t know how to make a relationship work like that. He didn’t know how to be in any sort of relationship. What even was this? What were they doing?

All these thoughts almost had him walking out of there on his own, ready to slip out through the attached parlor before she was quietly entering. Helene didn’t seem to spot him as she walked, and he remained quiet for a long moment. Wesley was quickly beginning to forget everything he had been so worried about because the sight of her was distracting again. The faint light of the winter moon streamed in through those large windows and washed over her, softly paling that already porcelain skin. That red dress had become darker, almost purple in the bluish hue that served as a beautiful contrast, and he was afraid to move. It was as if she was simply a figment of his imagination and would dissipate like a wraith the moment he touched her.

Although the very sight of her made his heart pound, his chest heavy as if the air had been forcefully knocked from his lungs and making his head dizzy, Wesley didn’t move. It didn’t matter what she had said, what she challenged him with...he was more terrified of messing something up. He was afraid of somehow losing her.

”Well...you’ve got me here,” he finally spoke up quietly, gesturing towards the closed door. Mind and body were at war with itself but he managed to remain there against the wall, even if it was killing him. He feared it wouldn’t last very long. Now that he had just a taste of her lips, he was craving more of it, whatever that entailed. The sudden absence of her from his arms was almost painful.

[Helene Hewitt]

Helene came to a stop once she reached the middle of the room. Her eyes still scanned it for him. She knew he was there; she could feel his eyes on her. He was watching, causing her breathing to heighten, and it was like someone had turned the room temperature up again. She heard him then, her head slowly drifting to where he leaned against the wall and watched her. Her heartbeat was roaring in her chest and there was no other sound save for maybe her quickening breath. His hair had looked very nice all slicked back earlier. Now? Here between his hand and her hands, it was a somewhat tousled mess. A hot mess. A very, very desirable hot mess. Wesley was a handsome man in the ways that weren’t just pretty looks. He was handsome in a more rugged, dangerous way. You were playing with fire and you didn’t know if you would get burned. He was unpredictable. That’s where the danger lay—constantly surprising her. Challenging her. Her was dangerous for her heart, and his words from earlier came back. She did things that scared the hell out of him because he didn’t understand it, well he did the same for her. And it terrified her with the unknown.

It was certainly getting hot in there.

She began to drift towards the large windows, coming to stand where they had yesterday, not yet saying anything, or going to him as she wanted. She was resisting the pull. Resisting the urge to pick up where they’d left off in the corridor, at least for now…. She wrapped her arms around herself and looked outside at the castle grounds they had run through yesterday. There was an eerie Winter chill about it at night, and the moon shining down it added to it, making the wood look like something from nightmares. Thankfully, she was kept safely in the castle; she didn’t have to worry about it anything that might come out of the woods.

She was silent for a moment, not sure what to say or how to tell him how much she wanted him--if only for tonight, that that’s what they were allowed. She wasn’t sure what would be promised tomorrow, or what her father might do. Tomorrow could be an entirely different hell hole then what she was in.

She wanted to forget it all. Forget everything and justlive for tonight.

“I...need to tell you something.” She said quietly. She wasn’t sure how she was going to be able to tell him if she could get the words out. But...he needed to know, if they did anything, he needed to be aware she might try to stop him depending on how far they went. “.....it….might scare you off.” She admitted. She might have laughed if the subject wasn’t so serious. She was terrified of telling him as well. Afraid hearing her own husband had forced himself on her would make him change his mind and he’d disappear. Leave her. She was afraid he’d leave her.

She turned from the window, slowly making her way to the middle of the room again, where she stopped. Her arms tightened around herself, and she looked down at the ground. Her gown was long enough to hide her toes from view, so she looked at the fabric instead. “My husband…” There was a slight tremble in her voice, as she hadn’t even been able to tell Mari this. She took a deep breath, pain shot up her side and she winced slightly, holding herself tighter.

“He-“ oh just spit it out, Helene! You can do it. She tried to tell herself. But the words weren’t coming. Instead, she raised her head and fixated him with a look that was equal parts fear, pain, and anger. She clenched her jaw, there was an ache from where her father had tightly gripped it but she ignored it. “Let’s just say I never thought I’d want to be with another man until you sang and danced your way into my life.” She whispered softly, the corners of her lips turning up slightly in a small smile.

[Wesley deGrey]

Many thought Wesley deGrey was an oblivious man. An ignorant man. Some might even believe that he often just thought of himself and damn everyone else. It was because he wasn’t afraid to live. He jumped into things because being cautious just didn’t suit him. He didn’t want any regrets. He loved his family fiercely and continuously thought of them even if they didn’t think so. The tattoo on his arm was a reminder of his devotion to them, of his quiet pride for each brother that he knew he should be sharing more openly. It just started to make him feel like he had to compare, and he wasn’t good with that. To each their own. They were all unique. He just happened to be the one that took risks.

Such as right now.

He didn’t follow her as she went to the windows because he could feel it; he could sense something had changed even if the tension was still in the air, lingering between them. He only knew Helene for such a short time, but he was already noting the subtle changes in her expression, the way her eyes would light up when she was about to challenge him, when her smile was genuine as opposed to using one to hide her pain. A tilt of his head, he watched her as she stepped into the middle of the ballroom and he had to force himself to stay where he was still. Wes could feel the change, something was wrong...or different. ’I...need to tell you something. It...might scare you off.’

It was when she started to mention her husband and could only trail off to look at him like that did Wesley finally push off the wall. Helene couldn’t seem to finish that sentence, but maybe she didn’t have to. He was already sensing what might have been wrong, it would explain her lack of sympathy for the man’s death. But he was slow in his approach. She said he might be scared off, yet he was more wary of frightening her off now.

His expression had sobered and there was concern in those blue depths as he watched her, moving closer with the desire to assure her that everything was fine. He’d stop just a short distance away, his arm pausing midway before dropping to his side, like he was prepared to reach out for her. Her last words made him grin gently, but the concern never left his gaze.

"Helene…" he began quietly, taking just one more step closer. "I didn’t...follow you for that." Wes paused for a moment, lips pursing in thought as he contemplated his words. "I mean, not that I wouldn’t willingly do it-" Ahem, move on. The humor in his eyes softened as he regarded her once more, stepping closer so that he could gently take one of her hands into his. "I, um...I just want to be near you, be here for you. It’s strange to even say it, but...there it is." No, he still didn’t understand it, or how this draw to her had strengthened tenfold in just a few moments, but neither was he questioning it right now. He was afraid he’d lose this, whatever it was, and he didn’t know how to feasibly keep it. Wesley lifted her hand to his face so that he could press a kiss to her palm, holding it there at his cheek while he sighed. "And I don’t want you to go back to...whatever frightens you so." He at least knew that wasn’t going to be possible. Not yet, anyway.

[Helene Hewitt]

And this was why Wesley was so much different than Stephen. This was how the two differed. They were not the same man. Stephen might have pretended to act concerned given this type of information, but it was Wesley’s slow, hesitant approach that really did it for her. He didn’t want to scare her. She could see the concern in his eyes even if it was dark, and she watched him with bated breath. Wondering what he was going to do or say.

He almost reached for her, but stopped himself, and she found herself wishing he had. So she could feel the soft safe embrace of his arms around her. Her name on his lips caused her to take in a breath. Afraid to let it out. Suddenly there was the fear that he’d excuse himself and leave. Not wanting to be near her anymore. She was afraid she’d scared him off, but he continued to talk, and took that step closer. “....I didn’t follow you here for that…” She’d wanted him to follow her for that. At first at least. But there was certainly a change in the air, and she found her lips quirking up slightly in a small smile as he admitted he wouldn’t mind. Wesley was certainly no Stephen. She forced herself to breathe as he took another step closer, taking one of her hands and she tilted her head back slightly to look at him.

Her expression softened incredibly, and his words made her stomach roll in a little flip. Her heartbeat began to speed up again. There was a hidden sweetness to Wesley deGrey that she’d never seen before until now. She now knew he wanted the same as her: to just be near each other. And the fact he wanted to be here for her… Her body shuddered slightly as he lifted her hand, kissing her palm before he rested it against his cheek. Her eyes never left his, and her thumb brushed gently across his cheekbone as a reflex. She stepped forward, closing whatever gap was between them as her free hand rested on his chest.

“You are probably the most frightening thing I’ve ever come across, in the best way possible, you impossible man.” She found herself whispering as she looked up at him. “It’s not strange Wesley. I want you here. I want to be near you as well. I wanted this night to be a night where I didn’t have to worry about the things that are worth being afraid over. I just-” She sighed, averting her eyes for a moment, before she dared herself to look back up into those blue eyes. “I wanted to spend as much time with you as I could, before it’s not possible anymore.” She whispered. Before you go, before I have to marry someone else, before I fall into the darkness and never feel your light again.

[Wesley deGrey]

It was instinct for his other hand to fall to her waist when she closed the space between them. Having her near felt natural, even if it was still a little strange. He was so used to being on his own, doing things his own way, and now he’d nearly forgotten what that life was like. Wesley wanted to explore this one all of a sudden, wanted to know what it might possibly be like to have something more...down to earth? Simple? Normal? No, it wouldn’t be any of that, he knew. But something told him, nagged at him, yelled at him to let him know that it would be better if Helene Hewitt was a part of it.

“Why?” he asked quickly and quietly. She said it wouldn’t be possible after tonight and he had to know why, he had to understand. “Is it because...I will have to leave again soon?” That actually hurt to ask, he suddenly realized. Sometimes they weren’t gone long, sometimes it was for months. It always varied, and he knew it would be wrong of him to ask her to wait or to drag her away. It was selfish of him....but, dammit, if he wanted to be selfish right now.

As if anticipating her response, one he didn’t wish to hear, he was releasing her hand so that it could softly rest against her face; his thumb now brushing along her bottom lip while he studied the fullness of her mouth. Hoping to hear something else uttered from them. Maybe he was intentionally distracting her, maybe he was silently reminding her of whatever this was between them before she thought to answer. Yes, it was selfish, it was sneaky, but he couldn’t stop himself. His hand moved to comb through her dark hair, freeing it from its binds and clips to feel the soft curls between his fingers. Oh, he was being a brazen bastard, for certain, but Wesley didn’t give up easily. He refused.

[Helene Hewitt]

He knew why. She was regretting telling him that as soon as they passed his lips. They couldn’t be together because he was a sailor, and because she would have to marry someone. Summer was her deadline. Besides that, she didn’t want him to suffer at her hand. To be tainted by her and her secrets. You could just tell him. He wants to help. Let him. A voice told her quietly. No. She wouldn’t. Couldn’t. It was more out of stubborn pride than anything. She was a woman of Tresteria. She would not let men solve her problems for her. She wouldn’t let him help her when she could help herself.

Even if she didn’t know how to help herself…

His response hurt. Saying what they both didn’t want to hear. He was leaving soon, and she couldn’t promise him that she would wait because she couldn’t. She could not wait for him. He was distracting her then, preventing her from saying what they both knew would hurt. She stared into his eyes, a confliction of emotions swirling around in hers. His thumb at her lip was certainly working, and she had half a mind to open her mouth just enough for her to playfully bite at it.

It was going into her hair then, and she could feel her hair loosening, as the clips and pins were pulled. The action certainly worked, and rekindled that hot flame that had been the reason she’d dragged him in here. Her eyes showed that desire for him. That need that was going to be too hard to ignore if he continued.

“No fair…” She whispered. The hand on his chest was gripping his shirt before she was reaching up, with both hands, wincing slightly, as she had to lift both arms to the back of her head as she began to pull the clips and pins out. Her hair that wasn’t being held up by his hand went tumbling down in soft curls, nearly reaching her waist. Not caring about them, she tossed the clips and pins aside, hearing them ping across the floor. She’d pick them up later.

Her arms went up around his shoulder then, one of her hands going back to rest on his cheek, while she searched his eyes. She needed to say it. It needed to be said, and yet she knew if she did it would ruin the moment. “Wes…” She said instead, as if that would be all the answer he needed. Her hand moved so her fingers were brushing against his cheek, before she was doing the same thing he’d done to her. Her thumb brushed against his bottom lip, and she felt her chest tightening.

She parted her mouth to say the word. To say Yes, but there was no sound. Her eyes had drifted back to his mouth, remembering the way they’d felt against hers and the taste of him. He was quickly becoming an addiction, and she knew she couldn’t have it. Her thumb tugged down gently on his lip subconsciously, and her eyes flickered back up to his.