Positive Verification

[Sebastian Arcturis]

Even given the eerie dead white roses, the captain would have taken her dreams over his in a heartbeat. If they were both going to worry about life and death, he would at least like a cottage or a kiss. That didn't seem like so much to ask.

Never having been around cats very much, he was a little alarmed by the noise she made but considering everything he went through when he woke up, Sebastian didn't worry over it.

As Rosemary caught his arm he stopped his adventure down her body and pressed a kiss to her forehead as she spoke. "No," he rumbled against her skin. "Go back to sleep, sunshine." He turned her gently so her back was to his chest and did his best to ignore the tingling in his arm as his nerves slowly awoke.

He kissed her neck and let his hand trail over her night gown and down her thigh before moving up again, sliding along her skin this time and bunching up the soft fabric. His touch was still soft. His intent, while clearly more erotic than simple massage was still to help her relax. "I would like to make you feel good, Rosemary," he said softly not quite asking for permission and not quite asking for forgiveness. He had no intention or really desire to remove his pants. Just hers. He didn't want her to worry.

[Rosemary McIntyre]

Rosemary would have been content to listen to him and just go back to sleep, had he not kissed her neck again after pulling her close. That, combined with his hand moving back down her side, was enough to wake her up. She furrowed her brow, even though he couldn't see, as she tried to catch up with what he was thinking. It wasn't until she felt the hem of her nightgown rising that she realized what he meant. And for some reason, her immediate reaction was to be rather annoyed--with herself. She was sure he was doing it with good intentions, and she understood why he might think she'd be happier that way, but somehow that was the wakeup call that actually hit home for her. She'd been avoiding being active, making a decision. She hadn't even said what she wanted earlier, she just said "should."

"No," she answered stubbornly, already twisting in his arms so she could face him. She might not be able to fully see his face, but she could find it well enough--sliding her hands up from his chest, neck, jaw, there. She held his face in both hands and kissed him firmly. "I'm nervous, a little. But... I don't want it to be just me. If we...I mean, if..." She huffed in frustration at herself as she stuttered to a halt, but she stroked her thumbs over his jaw as she tried to figure out how to say what she wanted. She wasn't used to having a say, but she didn't want something she wasn't actively participating in--not this time. And she definitely didn't want to hide what she was thinking; she was tired of that, too.

"Just...just promise you won't disappear?" she blurted out in a rush, "I know I sound crazy, and it's not anything to do with you, it's just my mind and it's stupid but... I just don't want this to be something where I wake up, and you're gone, and we never talk again. Even if we're just friends, I don't want you to vanish."

It was probably a good thing she'd been put on the spot--if she had been given too much time to think she might not have been able to get it off her chest.

[Sebastian Arcturis]

To say Sebastian was confused wpuld be an understatement. The man stopped his caress and even began to pull his hand away at Rosemary's 'No.' Even as her hands met his chest and slide up to his face in dark, he thought maybe he misunderstood. And then she kissed him and he realized even had he a better basic understanding of people or women specifically, he still wouldn't have known what just happened. He didn't kiss her back so much as allow her to kiss him while he processed her 'No.'

Thankfully she didn't just leave him there. She wasn't so...explicit as he might have liked but his confusion slowly became understanding. His assumption of the noblewoman as a passive party had been...incorrect.

"If we fuck," he suggested as soft closure to her sentence. Not because he needed her to say it, not because he was trying to make her uncomfortable, but for that clarity that he needed. That they both needed. Sebastian might not always have a lot of words, but even he understood communication was important. He liked Rosemary's hands on his face a lot and found first her forearm and then shoulder and then her cheek in the darkness. He didn't rush her.

Her notion of him disappearing confused him again and he rolled the thought over as she explained. She...cared about him. That shouldn't be as surprising as it was but he wasn't used to people noticing. It was a small piece of why he had assumed to pleasure her and not himself. Friends. That was intimate even for him considering how few of those he had. Not for lack of wanting but perhaps for lack of understanding how to try. 'Just friends' was a big step. "I promise," the captain said finally. He decided not to mention thag he lived and worked here and he had no where else to go but perhaps that was too literal. "I care about you, Rosemary. I promise not to vanish emotionally. Or physically."

He didn't move his hand back down however, still not sure what it was she was asking for in the moment, now that they had some mutual understanding of the future.

[Rosemary McIntyre]

Rosemary squeaked slightly when he filled in what she'd been avoiding saying. She did want to, but goodness did that make it sound more intimidating. Maybe she shouldn't have said anything at all. Oh this was a terrible idea, she should have kept her mouth shut. But she didn't want to just not say no, she wanted to say yes.

Still, his answer was reassuring, and close as they were, he was sure to notice the way her shoulders relaxed when he promised he wouldn't vanish. She wasn't sure when that fear had curled itself so deeply around her heart, but she'd had the same fear with Magnus, early on. Before it became clear that he wouldn't be the one running. But that was then, and this was now. This time she was safe. She kissed him softly, barely ghosting her lips across his. "Thank you."

A moment later, she felt just as awkward as he did, as she realized what she'd done. "Sorry...I didn't mean to... that is, I don't actually have a problem with whatever you'd like to do, I just didn't want you to think--that is I do want to--aaah..." She stammered her way to a halt and groaned. Why couldn't she just spit it out? That she absolutely did like the way he'd been touching her before, that her only objection had been that she didn't want it to be all about her, she didn't want to exclude him seeing as she actually liked him and wanted him to enjoy himself too. And of course it didn't hurt that she'd obviously enjoy it as well.

"Ugh, I'm not any good at this. I just...are you sure you just want to do that, and you don't want to actually, um..." She trailed off again and ducked her head as if she could hide even though she was still tangled in his arms. Her voice was tiny as she continued, barely audible even in the quiet room. "To fuck me."

[Sebastian Arcturis]

Sebastian pulled her closer with the kiss. There was noticeably less tension in her shoulders, considering he was rather intimately acquainted with them after his massage. There was only so much one could do to physically relax. Stress was mental and clearly Rosemary had a lot involving her previous relationship. The captain didn't have very many words to share on the topic of her ex-fiance, but he had a lot of actions he wanted to share with Rosemary. Some of them...well he wasn't sure how to explain that the other reason he had presumed to not involve himself was because he couldn't right now.

Perhaps because of his position as a guard, perhaps because of his upbringing in the castle, perhaps because of his other more secret position, perhaps simply because it was his nature, Sebastian was an infinitely patient person. Painfully, sometimes. Not with himself of course, but with others. He listened to Rosemary grind to a halt and while she attempted to make herself spit it out, he kissed her again. On her cheek, working his way over her skin, her lips, her chin and then to her neck. He chuckled faintly as she ducked away to share the words she hadn't before.

She had given him a chance to avoid it. To simply say yes and move on. But if she wanted more, then he was determined to make more work.

He shifted, pulling his body away from her side to straddle her on his hands and knees, still kissing her throat since she seemed to like that. "I do want to." No avoiding that now, was there. Idiot. His hope was that by the time he did other things he might be ready. "What do you want, Rosemary?" Perhaps that was too much direct pressure. "If it is easier, you only have to show me." They were both still half dressed after all. If his touch on her was any indication, he wasn't about to tell her no.

[Rosemary McIntyre]

Rosemary’s breath hitched in her throat as he trailed kisses down to her neck, then moved to hover over her. She felt like she wasn’t getting enough air, and she couldn’t decide if she liked it or not. Part of it was definitely good, but there was a panic still constricting her ribcage that she didn’t understand. Hadn’t she taken care of the thing she was worried about? He’d promised he wouldn’t just leave. She was happy to follow where he led…wasn’t she?

What did she want? Gods, she wished she knew. She could hardly string two thoughts together in a row, her body was sending her mixed signals, and she was afraid of messing this all up and Sebastian hating her for it.

Okay…next steps. This was definitely a lot, and her head was swimming as her heart and breathing sped. Logically she should take off her nightgown. She bent her knees to get the hem within reach and started to hoist it up. It wasn’t until the lace hem brushed over the raised lines on the inside of her thigh that she was hit with a sensation like she’d just been stabbed in the gut. Her breath caught in a strangled gasp as she realized what was the matter.

The garden was dark. They’d gone out into the grounds of Magnus’s home to “walk” although she suspected she knew what he was looking for. Her father and brother had been invited to dinner tonight along with her, as chaperones, and Magnus had wanted time alone with her. Their fathers hadn’t seen any reason to object, and so, naturally, neither had she. Not until it was too late.

“Magnus, we can’t–”

“You’re engaged to me, promised to me, and there’s no need to wait. Unless you don’t intend to marry me? Are you telling me you’re worried some other man is going to be upset you’ve been de-flowered?”

“N-no, of course not I–”

“Good.”

Magnus’s hands were rough as he pushed her through the hedge, to a hidden space under the dripping boughs of a willow tree. She tripped over a root and fell, hard, onto the ground. Her hands met the silken fabric of Magnus’s favorite sheets, and she realized he’d planned this. He’d always planned to get her away from the others. She looked to him, betrayed, but he only smiled, and the light of the moon glinted off his teeth.

The moon glinted off something else, too.

Rosemary gasped when she saw the blade, scuttling backward on her hands and knees. She knew what it was for. He laughed as he stepped on her skirt, pinning her in place. He moved easily to straddle her, tracing the blade’s tip delicately over her lips.

“Rosemary, my goddess, you know what I need. Why must you fight?”

She only shook her head, so fast it made her head ache.

“Shhh…” he soothed, “I’ll make it feel like ecstasy itself.”

She still had scars from that night, in more ways than one. The physical ones she knew were there–thin, methodical lines climbing from her knees up the inside of her thighs, to… And, of course, Magnus had used more than a blade. She had been his in every way he asked. That was what left less tangible scars.

She couldn’t catch her breath. This time she knew it was wrong–the memory of Magnus’s skin on hers was smothering her. And Bastian, he would see, he would feel them, he would know what had been done to her. She turned in the small space, pulling a pillow to her face to smother her shame and her breath.

“I-I’m sorry. I thought I– I thought I could–” She struggled to speak, interrupted by gasps. “I tried–too–too fa- fast. I’m so sorry.”

She was furious with herself. She wanted to tear her skin, rip out her hair. How could she do this? How could she get so far only to be sabotaged by her own mind? She wanted to die. She wanted a void to open under her and make her cease to exist. She couldn’t do this. She couldn’t handle it.

[Sebastian Arcturis]

He remembered her talking about scars. About having to show her father because he didn't believe her. Sebastian had insisted she didn't need to show him to make him believe her. That she didn't need to show him anything she didn't want him to see. While he wasn't sure where those scars were, as he watched Rosemary's breath catch in her throat and a soft secret panic take over, he still meant it. The captain backed off of her and sat on the side of the bed easily, not entirely sure what else he should do.

He didn't need anything from her. Not to see, not to have sex, not even to sleep with her. She had needed him and if this was too much-

The woman's reaction and words reinforced his thoughts. "It is alright, Rosemary." So much for helping her relax. He would not call himself a romantic or gentle but he understood how to read body language well enough to know that even his slow advance was a lot. It wasn't want she needed right now.

Besides all that, he had his own shame to deal with. Actually, maybe that would help her feel better. He shifted closer so he was sitting at the top of the bed and pulled the pillow down gently, kissing her forehead. "You need air to breath," he attempted to joke despite his flat tone.

"Can I...show you something embarrassing?" He asked softly, almost hesitantly and he offered her his hand. If she took it, he would move her hand to a very particular private place. One would expect it to be...a lot firmer. "I do find you attractive," he said honestly, insisted, really. "But sometimes I...struggle. That is why I just wanted to give you a massage." He probably wpuld sound very suave if his tone arrived anywhere close. But he was trying to be both reassuring and not quite so direct in case it overwhelmed her.

He didn't need to share. He didn't want to share. But he had learned a long time ago that sometimes, sharing something embarrassing helped someone else more than it hurt the sharer. At the very least she could blame the moment on him instead. Sebastian was okay with that.

[Rosemary McIntyre]

Rosemary groaned her protest, let go of the pillow he dragged away and put her hands over her face instead. “It’s not alright, it’s stupid. I’m being stupid.” She argued quietly, internally wincing at how much she sounded like a spoiled child.

She still wanted the ground to swallow her up. She needed air to breathe, huh? Well then she shouldn’t get any. A slightly more reasonable voice in the back of her mind told her that now she was just being ridiculous, but she was too frustrated to listen to it just yet. She took his hand and let him guide her, although she pulled her hand back quickly once she realized what she was supposed to be noticing. This whole thing was such a mess. How had she managed to get both of them into this–wait. 

Both of them. He’d definitely pushed things a certain kind of way, too, right? She pulled her fingers apart just far enough to peek out at him. She could tell he was sitting up, because the dim light of morning, the grey before the rosy dawn, was just starting to peek through the window behind him. She couldn’t make out his face, though.

“I’m sorry about all this. This is why I said we should just sleep, and then I…” She groaned again and closed her hands back over her eyes as she rolled onto her back. Life was just so damn weird, and Magnus was haunting her like a ghost, even though he was still very much alive. She couldn’t get away from him, even in the middle of–well, whatever that had been.

“I’m sorry, Bastian, I…” She shook her head. “I don’t even know. Just…sorry. Why don’t we just…let it go for now? We’ll just rest.”

[Sebastian Arcturis]

The captain was quiet while she apologized to him and demeaned herself. He waited politely until she finished. Then he took a slow breath and leaned back against the pillows, pulling her into his lap.

"What happened to you is not your fault," he said, with the tone of a mantra he used often. Perhaps not put loud, but he did. His voice was low, rumbling but also gentle. Confident and sad all at once. "I came here tonight because you are worth caring about, Rosemary. Not so you would...do more than sleep with me," he trailed off at the last second to detour around his word of preference for her sake. Though he did want to have sex with her, his body was lying on that point but he wasn't always capable of such things, especially recently.

"I still promise not to go anywhere." He leaned in closer, perhaps to kiss her when he hesitated, as if recalling something. "Why....did you call me that?" Most people that gave him a nickname went for Seb or Sebby. Which he was clearly not. That she had happened on the one he used...maybe he had just overheard one of the guards? No, even Baird who was as close of a friend as he had at the moment used his full name. Odd.

[Rosemary McIntyre]

Rosemary tensed up sightly when she was pulled into his lap, but when she heard what he had to say, she slowly relaxed. Her breathing was still interrupted by little gasps as she recovered from her panic, but she was beginning to find her equilibrium again. “I know,” she murmured. “I just…wish my life wasn’t controlled by my past.”

Perhaps that was the root of most of her irritations with herself–so much about her was controlled by someone else. Go here, do that, wear this…and then worse than that, Magnus had corrupted her own mind, the one place where she ought to be totally safe. She couldn’t even clear that one, small space for her own self. At the worst possible moments, something would slam her right back to where he thought she belonged–miserable and under his heel.

She forced herself to take a deep breath, and exhale slowly through her nose, trying to steady herself. She almost wasn’t paying attention to Sebastian’s movements, at first, until his tone changed. It wasn’t that she didn’t care, but it was difficult to focus after losing herself like that.

“Hm?" She responded softly at first, thinking over his question. Call him what? Bastian? Why had she called him that? She couldn’t put her finger on it. There were alternatives, but she didn’t like the sound of ‘Seb’ for some reason, it just didn’t feel right. "I’m not sure, exactly. I didn’t think about it, I suppose. I just liked the sound…and it seemed like it fit," she answered thoughtfully. "You know...Now that you mention it, I don’t even remember switching." She frowned. "Is that alright? I can switch if you prefer something different."

[Sebastian Arcturis]

The captain nodded at her words. He couldn't deny he wasn't controlled by his too. Still... "It is only acceptable to involve the past in order to build on it." He had read that somewhere, or something close to it, anyway. He...attempted to do as much. To use the past as a base to improve on instead of run back to.

With Rosemary in his arms again, it was difficult, no, impossible to keep his hands to himself. Sebastian rubbed his hands along her arms and sides, touch a mix between reassurance and desire. Despite everything. Even as she spoke about using the nickname, he carressed her, avoiding what had made her uncomfortable before.

It did fit. He was more surprised to hear someone else arrive at the same nickname. "Whatever you like, Rosemary," he said softly. "I like hearing you talk to me," he said, voice tired.

Sebastian kissed her neck again, though this time he had no plans to go further. "I like sleeping with you, if that is all you want from me." Maybe that was the wrong way to word it. She seemed to want more. But still, he just wanted to comfort a friend and have the comfort of a friend returned. That was enough.

[Rosemary McIntyre]

Rosemary did her best to keep her breathing steady, and although those little gasps still shook her slight frame here and there, they were becoming less frequent. She leaned into him with a sigh, wondering if she'd expended all her energy in that quick burst of panic. She felt like she was a torch that had burned out.

"Mm, if that's alright...that sounds nice," she answered in almost a mumble. She was somehow still afraid she was going to be disappointing him. She didn't want to upset him. He was being sweet, trying to calm her, but shouldn't she be trying to please him? Or was that just an old habit? And really, she didn't know Bastian well enough to jump to conclusions and assume he was upset with her. He'd been honest almost to a fault, so far, so it was probably her own mind making up reasons for him to be angry.

Well, what little she could do, she wanted to do well. If he liked hearing her talk, then she could do that at least.

"You said you liked to hear me talk…? I could tell a story, if you like? I used to tell them to Lavender when she was little." She covered her mouth as a yawn overtook her. "I um, I'll do my best to make sure I get to the end. All my stories have happy endings. We get enough sadness in the day."

[Sebastian Arcturis]

He was determined to be able to kiss her and touch her without her frame shuddering faintly. He knew it was reflex. That it was less about him and more about her experience and he simply wanted to move past the discomfort to something more relaxing. Hell, maybe Rosemary made those noises when she was relaxed? He didn't know her well enough there, but he did no what her 'stop' looked like so he felt comfortable to continue. He was persistent. Stubborn. A man with strong perseverance.

Sweet...he wasn't intentionally. His attempts at reassurance were credit to a lot of other people in his life. Bastian certainly wasn't upset. It took quite a lot of elicit such a powerful emotion and even then, Rosemary would be none the wiser if he was because his feelings weren't worth dwelling on. He did want to do more than sleep with her. He also wanted both of them to enjoy it when and if that point was reached. And that wasn't tonight. That was okay.

"A story," he repeated in confirmation. "Lavender?" He didn't recall hearing that name before. The captain quickly supplied a guess. "Your sister?" The names seemed fitting enough. And he doubted she was speaking about a pet. People who talked to animals confused him. "That we do," he agreed softly, supplying more kisses and caresses, though his movements were slowing already. "...deserve a happy ending," he mumbled.

[Rosemary McIntyre]

"Mhm, my baby sister. She's only 15.""

She yawned again, sliding over a little so she could lie on her back with one hand tucked up under her head. She chose the one opposite him so as not to elbow him in the face.

"Let's see… Once upon a time…"

Rosemary began the story of the Goose Girl, a young princess whose place at court was stolen by her servant girl. While they were on a journey to meet her betrothed, a prince who had never laid eyes on her, the servant girl and her men beat the princess and left her for dead.

The girl found her own way to the kingdom and became the keeper of the geese at the palace. There she met a young knight, who came to train by the lake where the geese and swans swam. The two of them fell in love, although they were too shy to speak it.

Rosemary told the story well, just as she had learned it when she was a girl, and her voice carried the emotion of the story. Without realizing, she even did little voices for the different characters.

"What the goose girl couldn't know, was that the knight she had met was actually a pr--" Her eyelids were getting heavy, and a yawn interrupted her words. "A Prince, too…" She let her eyes fall closed. "He was the… older brother… of the…"

Rosemary couldn't continue the story...she was fast asleep.

[Sebastian Arcturis]

Bastian was a little disappointed to feel her move away but he didn't begrudge her getting comfortable. He didn't press his desire for closeness, simply settled back and watched Rosemary's soft figure in the twilight through half closed eyes. He wanted to sleep. But he wasn't sure that would happen again today.

Her storyteller voice was good. The voices confused him at first but earned a hint of a smile, hidden in the darkness. The captain was surprisingly well read and it didn't take him long to recognize the story. The version he knew was different however and he listened attentively to Rosemary's portrayal.

It was a fitting choice of story. About love and dreams and the failure of things to work out how one hoped. The fragility of reality in both positive and negative lights. It was why he was nearly an existentialist and didn't believe in love. But he did believe in fate.

Because of course, of all the fairytales a woman could choose, she would choose one that shadowed his own life like a bad dream. Secret royalty, older brother, unrequited love... in the version Bastian knew, the princess and the prince never ended up together. It was enough that they met, no matter how fleeting. That thoight was enough to make him jist uncomfortable enough to ward off sleep.

He tried to relax, listening to Rosemary's peaceful breathing and staring up at the ceiling as dawn arrived.