Lunari
43
Single
Mystic Leader
Tier 3 Character
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Post by Ruairc Cathain on Mar 23, 2021 12:15:09 GMT -5
It was difficult for him to understand what freedom truly was these days, or what it could be considered as, when he was more often than not a prisoner in his own head. Sometimes he wondered what it would be like to be normal, to think without fear of a vision, to fall asleep without nightmares of the future plaguing him. Had there ever been such a time?
The Mystic didn't hear her say his name; those dark eyes were beginning to get glossy and his mind filled up with fog. He had been doing so well but allowed himself to think of things he shouldn't have. He needed time away from them, to be himself...whatever that was now. The more he worried about the crazed king and his antics, the angrier he would become before ultimately becoming lost again.
One of these days, no one would be able to bring him back. And maybe that wouldn't be such a bad thing. Let him drift further and further into the darkness of his mind until he completely shut down. Perhaps it was a better existence than this.
At Astrid's approach, he instinctively began to back away. He didn't consciously acknowledge her, but it was like his mind was forcing him back, trying to repel her away, to shove away the calm she was attempting to give. That growing blackness didn't like her because she brought the warmth and the light. Fortunately, these shadowed thoughts weren't as drugging as before that he was able to concentrate a little more. With her hands upon his shoulders, eyes finally blinked and focused enough to understand she was there. The red-haired woman with the sweet countenance and soft voice was there. Astrid.
One of his hands rose up for one of hers, removing it from his shoulder before holding it there between them. Ruairc still wasn't looking at her, instead, studied those pale fingers in mild interest, listening to her as she spoke to continue bringing him out of the dangerous mist that was inside his head. 'If you keep going like this, there won't be anything left.' Strangely, that caused a corner of his mouth to twitch up in a barely there, lopsided grin. "I don't think there is much left..." he murmured, more to himself. It only held a small trace of humor, but it was there.
The man didn't move, still watching and toying with her fingers before he spoke up again; gold eyes a bit more clear, lifted to find her face finally. "Thank you." Did he already tell her that? He couldn't remember. He squinted, letting his attention drift away to the fire. "He's my brother, you know..." he found himself saying, as if somehow it was the most obvious thing in the world. As if she would know of whom he spoke of, or maybe she would. Regardless, maybe it was enough insight to let Astrid know why this might be a lot harder on him than anyone might ever realize. Only she didn't know the half of it.
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Cassiopeia
33
Unmarried
Mystic
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Post by Astrid O'Malley on Mar 29, 2021 21:34:00 GMT -5
Astrid's heart lurched unsteadily in her chest as Ruairc gently lifted her hand from his shoulder and toyed with her fingers as if they were something he'd never seen before. Her eyes flickered nervously between his face and their hands, unsure how to react. She didn't mind, of course...she just...she wasn't used to being touched. It left her feeling strange--stranger than usual. He was only touching her hand, but she could feel little sparks all the way to her shoulder. And then his smile...It was nice, but she wished it wasn't so dark. She'd like to see him smile like he meant it.
"I don't think there is much left..."
Astrid frowned. Well, there was clearly something left, and she didn't intend to let him throw it away. She wanted to argue, but she was afraid of upsetting him again and losing the ground she'd gained. Well, that and she was oddly hypnotized just watching their hands, being this close to someone else for the first time in who knew how long.
When he looked back up, Astrid met his eye, expecting some kind of explanation or excuse...but all he said was "Thank you."
"My pleasure," she murmured. She meant it, too. She was glad she'd been able to help. He was calmer now, but before he'd seemed genuinely frightened of whatever was hounding him. If she could help him feel more like himself, she'd happily do whatever she could.
"He's my brother, you know..."
This time it was more than a little frown; Astrid's face crumpled in confusion as she tried to catch up to what he was saying. They'd been talking about the king a moment ago, but she knew that wasn't right. He wasn't anything like the king, and there was no way Allarick came from a mystic family. So then...who else had they all been buzzing about today? The man who'd attacked a royal party.
"You mean the others. Their leader, Oberon?" she supplied cautiously, trying to make sure she understood. If that was true, then it was no wonder he was upset. It was probably what had set him spiralling, hearing what his brother had done in fighting the wardens like that, getting some of his people killed in the process.
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Lunari
43
Single
Mystic Leader
Tier 3 Character
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Post by Ruairc Cathain on Apr 17, 2021 19:53:02 GMT -5
Ruairc was becoming easily distracted by the smallest of things, and that was perhaps why his mood escalated so quickly. It didn't take him long to let that anger rise back up, and yet it could take awhile for his mood to cool down. Strangely enough, Astrid's presence made it a little easier to calm himself and he wasn't sure why. Perhaps it was because she was the only other person to spend more than a minute with him. The only one who seemed to dare interfere whenever he was fighting with himself.
It was dangerous, she had to know. He had already attacked her for it, and yet she was still there, trying to coax him out of this darkness. And she felt so warm.
He blinked at seeing her confusion, almost forgetting what he had even said. It took him a few seconds to recall and was about to try and clarify, or maybe change the subject because this was something he likely shouldn't be telling anyone just yet.
"Yes," he answered her quietly. There was far more to what was haunting him, but that part was definitely a secret he was not willing to share. He couldn't risk anyone knowing that Ruairc, the leader of the Mystics, believed the princess of Teronna was his daughter. He feared that his brother might figure it out.
"And I..." he trailed off, finally letting go of her hand to once more regard the flickering flames in the fireplace. "Don't know...how to even handle it." They were supposed to be on the same side of this war, but Caius decided to try a different approach, one that could possibly get many killed.
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Cassiopeia
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Unmarried
Mystic
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Post by Astrid O'Malley on Apr 18, 2021 21:09:59 GMT -5
Without his hand in hers, she felt oddly isolated, as if part of the connection had been lost, but she didn't dare reach out and take his hand again. She'd been too bold already, touching him that way, even if it had recalled him from whatever trance threatened to pull him under. She clasped her hands in front of her and bowed her head, unconsciously falling into the posture of a demure servant. The separation between them had made her remember that she was just some random woman who'd come in to light the fires. And yet...he was talking to her. He hadn't asked her to leave.
"I don't think there's anything you can do to handle it. That is… your brother, he has to choose for himself. If people are willing to seek violence with him, that's their choice, too. I can't say I agree, but... " She turned to mirror him, looking into the flames. She could almost see the forest that had burned around her, hear the howls of the dogs, and the shouts of the soldiers. She wrapped her arms around herself, shivering as if she'd suddenly become cold. "I can't blame them for wanting to fight, either. To be hunted like an animal is...it's no easy thing. It makes you do things you'd never have thought possible before. When they treat you like an animal, maybe...maybe you become one, just a little."
That night had been the worst of her life. She'd been hunted, shot at, cursed, driven to hurt, and maybe even to kill. By the time the sun had risen, she was more prey than person. But she'd made it out alive. Without the fire the old gods had gifted her, she might not have.
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Lunari
43
Single
Mystic Leader
Tier 3 Character
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Post by Ruairc Cathain on Apr 28, 2021 21:16:17 GMT -5
With his forearm against the hearth, he pressed his face into the crook of his arm in tired, silent thought. He supposed the burning fire would do to replace the warmth she had been giving off, but emotionally it wasn't the same. Ruairc might have dwelled upon that strangeness a little more if she wasn't already talking again.
'I can't say I agree, but...'
Slowly, his head turned so that those dark eyes could regard her once again, just as her gaze was drifting to the dancing flames. The way she embraced herself and seemed to shiver did not go unnoticed, but he didn't move any more than he already had.
What she said next, though, caused his jaws to clench just slightly. Astrid was very much entitled to her opinion, but he could feel how he was already trying to reel himself in, and it was perhaps the way she likened their plight to being hunted like an animal that stilled him further.
She, too, had been through a lot. Were he any other man- were he a sane man- he might have been able to comfort her in some way. Yet, Ruairc didn't really know how.
"And what of all the innocents caught in the middle who do not take sides?" His voice was almost a deep growl as he attempted to keep himself calm. "If we become exactly what the king expects, how does that make us any better?"
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Cassiopeia
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Unmarried
Mystic
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Post by Astrid O'Malley on Apr 28, 2021 21:54:25 GMT -5
Astrid's eyes rose to Ruairc's face as he spoke, a gentle sadness resting on her own, lingering from the memories she'd been thinking of. She wasn't offended by his questioning; she understood it. She'd asked herself the same thing when choosing what path to take. She didn't miss the passion behind his words, the frustration he barely restrained, but she wasn't frightened by it. Let him do what he would; if he struck her, it wouldn't be anything she hadn't felt before. She was more interested in pursuing the discussion than anything else, and she didn't plan to leave until she was made to.
"I agree. That's why I'm here, not there. I can see their side, understand it even, but I can't take part in it. I've seen too much destruction first hand to cause any more of it. Even what I did in self-defense...it didn't feel right." She sighed softly. So much forest, so many creatures, and their homes...The fire had taken it all.
"I made an oath after that, to do no harm. Not to any living thing--no person, no animal, not even the trees if I can avoid it. I don't know that I'll be able to keep it perfectly, but I do my best. I don't even fell live trees for firewood." She flashed him a brief grin. She was proud of herself, but many saw it as childish for her to try something so extreme when everyone around her was just carrying on the same as ever.
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Lunari
43
Single
Mystic Leader
Tier 3 Character
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Post by Ruairc Cathain on Jul 14, 2021 10:34:19 GMT -5
Ruairc wasn't a fool, despite how lost in his own head he could get. He understood her reasoning, her thoughts on the matter, even if he didn't want to agree with some of them. Maybe he didn't agree with them at all. His brother was going down a very dangerous path, and a part of him feared Caius would never return.
He couldn't save him, just like he couldn't save Vivian. Just like he might not be able to save the princess, or this kingdom.
His eyes softened a little as she spoke again, a little bit of him, that humanity creeping back from somewhere in the black abyss of his mind. "It hurts...to fight," he began slowly, drawing his attention from her and back to the fire. "To attack or kill in order to live...but you were not wrong to do so. You must always fight if you are being harmed, Astrid." The last thing he would want was for her to get hurt because she held herself back when it came to protecting herself.
The goal he had wasn't to never fight. He was prepared to bring every soldier and Warden down that blocked his path if necessary, but needless bloodshed? One might think the "crazed Elder" would want that, but it was far from the truth.
Ruaric's expression softened a little more with her brief grin as dark eyes fell back to her face. "If only the king and his men had the same thought process as you..." It was a compliment, if that wasn't obvious. "There might be peace, and you and I wouldn't even be having this conversation." They wouldn't even be there, hiding away in temple ruins.
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Cassiopeia
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Unmarried
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Post by Astrid O'Malley on Jul 17, 2021 17:58:17 GMT -5
"You must always fight if you are being harmed, Astrid."
She didn't comment on it, but she heard him. When the time came, she would fight.
His expression changed, though, when she smiled over at him, and he looked at her, perhaps the most truly he had done so. With each passing moment, he was more Ruaric and less...void. Having him look at her, though, she found herself feeling shy, turning her face down to her hands that fiddled awkwardly with each other, despite the smile that lingered on her face.
"Well, the peace part I like," she answered haltingly. "But I am glad we had a chance to talk. I just wish it were for more pleasant reasons."
She didn't say 'I've been wanting to talk to you for a long time.' because that was creepy, and she knew it. He'd think her a stalker if he found she'd been lurking all along, doing what she could do to help. But it wasn't that she wanted to force herself into his life, or that she fancied that they were in love or some silly thing like the others teased. She didn't want money, she wasn't doing it for attention. She just wanted to do something good for him, and for the others. She wasn't strong or forceful, like some of them… But she wanted to help.
She glanced up at him through her lashes, still too nervous to make eye contact for long. "Are you feeling a bit better, now? More, um, grounded?"
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Lunari
43
Single
Mystic Leader
Tier 3 Character
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Post by Ruairc Cathain on Aug 17, 2021 16:16:08 GMT -5
With every second that ticked by, he felt a little more himself. He always wondered how long it would last for, and it would vary depending upon the day.
This time, however, he secretly hoped it lasted a little longer than usual.
While she lowered her gaze shyly, Ruairc didn't seem to do the same. He still watched her as if it was the most natural thing in the world, perhaps because he knew her very presence kept him grounded. That, and through the fog in his mind, he found her pleasant to speak with...even if he didn't say so, or their conversation was about the darkness and death of this war.
A slight cant of his head, he steadily met her eyes when she finally chanced a look up at him. A nod, he smirked slightly. "A little, yes," he tiredly answered. "Thanks to you, it seems." Turning his attention to the fire again, beginning to feel the warmth deep in his bones now, he continued. "Not many...would try to get through to me. They're afraid, I suppose."
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Cassiopeia
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Unmarried
Mystic
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Post by Astrid O'Malley on Aug 22, 2021 19:30:47 GMT -5
"A little, yes," he tiredly answered. "Thanks to you, it seems."
It may have been a small smirk, but it felt like a grand victory to Astrid. She'd made him smile! And he was feeling better! She was positively beaming back at him, now. Her nerves were all but forgotten in the rush of success. She'd done it! All this time she'd been trying to find ways to help him--making sure dinner was left in his rooms, lighting the fires, repairing his clothes, and all he'd needed was someone to help him feel connected.
She wasn't bothered this time when he looked back to the fire. She followed his gaze, still smiling to herself.
"Not many...would try to get through to me. They're afraid, I suppose."
That startled Astrid slightly, and her head turned quickly back to look at him, a heavy frown wiping away her smile as quickly as it had come. "Now that's silliness, for one of us to be afraid of you," she declared, clearly offended by the mere idea. "Seems fair obvious to me that you don't mean no one any harm--you're more like to hurt yourself, I'd say. You caught me, earlier, when I startled you, but that was my own fault. I'll know better, next time." She was speaking matter of factly until the end, and a beat later she seemed to hear herself and winced slightly. "Um, if you'd like me to help again, that is."
She'd put her foot in her mouth, now, just assuming that she'd be about, or that she'd even be allowed to help him again if he had one of these fits. It had just seemed obvious to her that of course, she'd help him if he needed it.
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Lunari
43
Single
Mystic Leader
Tier 3 Character
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Post by Ruairc Cathain on Aug 28, 2021 15:30:26 GMT -5
She had a rather nice smile, he noted. There was something almost innocent and sweet about it, even if the woman had been through so much suffering herself. It was a wonder how her face could light up so positively. That in and of itself gave him a little more hope for this kingdom and the outcome of this war.
'Now that's silliness...'
Ruaric regarded her with a sideways glance, one of his brows arching. He didn't see how it was silly in any fashion, but her words clearly made him curious enough to listen to her try and explain. Although she was trying to comfort him, in actuality, it made him feel guilty.
Astrid was catching herself assuming something, but the Mystic didn't seem to notice, or maybe it didn't bother him at the moment. Instead, he turned to fully face her where his face seemed to lack emotion, but those dark eyes shared much more. There was gentle concern in those depths that were often so vacant.
"Even if I don't mean to or want to...I can hurt people," he told her in a whisper. "I could hurt you, Astrid, and I do not wish that." Even if she was extra careful, there was no saying what he would be like. It's why people kept their distance. They were smart to.
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Cassiopeia
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Unmarried
Mystic
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Post by Astrid O'Malley on Sept 6, 2021 18:38:17 GMT -5
I could hurt you, Astrid, and I do not wish that."
Oh, boy, she was not ready to face all the ways a woman could take that particular sentiment, even if her heart had just done a bit of a jig in her chest. Better to focus on the argument he was actually making, which was that he still thought he was dangerous. That he was going to hurt someone.
Astrid's frown returned and she put her hands on her hips. "Tis not fair to blame yourself for what you do when you're half out of your mind, S--" she caught herself and swallowed the 'sir,' but it hardly slowed her down. She immediately corrected herself and continued. "Ruairc, really, you needn't be so hard on yourself. I cannot be afraid of you, even if you say I should. You've been dealing with something not of this world, all on your own. Has anyone been taking care of you? Have you been taking care of you?"
Her shyness fell away once more; she couldn't remember to be embarrassed when her whole mind was focused on making sure he was alright.
"You might not have to worry about hurting people if you weren't jumping headlong into--to--" She gestured her hand vaguely, unable to describe what she didn't understand. "Well, whatever it is that made you look so haunted--without taking precautions and having someone to look out for you." She sighed, a bit of the indignation wearing off as she ran out of steam.
"It's just--It's just--It's not right, that's all." She finished lamely. "You deserve better."
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